1
I could hear voices surrounding myself while a pain overtook my head. Feeling lost in this sensation, my thoughts seemed senseless while the pain vanished.
“Rainbow Dash, are you there?” The voice came from my right side. Opening my eyes, a pink mare stood before my sight. “Dashie, come on it’s no fun if you-”
I let her voice trail off in the distance of my mind. Others stood within the same room, giving a strange look in my direction; apprehension became apparent since I was silent. Truly, I could not understand what I was doing here, for that matter, what these others wanted with me. “Sorry, my head is really bothering me today,” quickly I said not to bring alarm to myself.
A purple mare spoke, “that’s strange Rainbow,” again with that name, could she be talking about me. “Are you feeling okay, that was a great feat you performed but I believe something may have gone wrong.”
“Nope, I’m fine!” I allowed a fake smile to appear upon my face. “If it’s okay with you guys I’m going to head out for some fresh air.”
“No, its fine, I am sure you want to get back to flying Rainbow Dash.”
I walked away from the group of friends, each a different color: white, orange, pink, purple, and yellow. Questions filled my head each second I took a step. Walking to the door I felt someone standing behind me, turning my head I looked into the eyes of the yellow mare, she stood very timid compared to the others.
“Dash,” asking in a weak tone, “I was wandering if, um, if you’re not busy later, you could, maybe if you want too, help out with my animals?”
Nodding my head yes, joy in her eyes, I walked out into the sunlight, the sky was clear and bright with very few clouds in the sky. I walked around for awhile with no clue where I was heading too, the purple one mentioned I like to fly but I had no clue what she meant by those words. Try as much as I might, my memories could not come to me. I was lost in a maze of nothing but surrounded by everything. I lost track of where I was going, I walked for some time before I came to a lake.
I walked up to the shore, sitting at the edge I looked down at my reflection. More questions formed as I saw multi-colored hair and a blue coat. I took note of something strange resting upon my body, finding I could stretch what they are out.
“Wings, I have wings!” I shouted to no one. I lifted them out to my sides, flapping slowly at first, but I wanted to now know if these wings could support my body; faster and faster I pumped my wings and within a second I was in the air. In my excitement I had forgotten I had no memory of what I was suppose to do within this situation, I began to loose control and flew into a nearby tree. “Well that was great, I wander if I was ever any good?”
I stood up, shaking off the crash landing. Walking back to where I was at the shoreline I, sat letting the questions in my mind come forward. “Who am I?” I did not know if asking aloud would help, I just needed to know this wasn’t fake, everything right now was happing. “What did I do to cause this? How can I be real if I have no memory of who I am?”
“There are so many more questions I can ask but where do I even start from?” I lowered my head, letting these emotions overtaking my mind. Tears streamed down my face. “Nothing, I have nothing to answer my questions.” I kicked the air in anger. My head-pain started once more, my body became weak and started to tremble, I fell to one side and darkness overtook me.
Everything is black. There is only darkness in my sight. Have I somehow passed from the waking world? Slowly I stand up, the world a haze of nothing; my eyes adjust to the blackness, still I am at the lake but only now, it is night. The stars overhead shine brightly into the vast universe above my head, wonders to behold, gazing into the endless night sky, I feel the void of my life as a projection of those distant stars in the ambiance of the universe. A shooting star passes above and as I close my eyes, thinking deeply I make a wish aloud, “who am I?”
I could feel a force, an energy standing behind me. I could not tell who it was (a friend or foe). My mind became a wreck with worry. Who could be here at this time and what do they want with me. My head pounded with fear of not knowing what lay behind me, I feared turning my head. Slowly I turned my head, catching glimpse of a tiny orange filly.
“Hey Rainbow Dash,” she was beyond excited to see me and I without a clue as to why. “Where are the others at Dash?”
Not know what to say I told the truth, “I don’t know who they are.” The words were already out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
“What? Oh wait, I know what you mean, you don’t know where they’re at right now. Good one.”
The kid brought a smile to my face. She must know who I am, and fixing my mistake for me was something for her, maybe I should thank her somehow, but I don’t know how yet.
“Thanks kid, by the way, what are you doing here so late?”
“It’s no problem Rainbow.” She started with a huge smile on her face. “I was bored and need some air; I like to come here when the weather is cool. Boy the stars are burning bright tonight.”
“Yes they are! It’s something to really gaze upon kid.”
“You do know my name is Scootaloo, you don’t have to keep calling me kid right?” Said the filly.
“Sorry Scootaloo, I’ve just been busy in my thoughts I forgot.”
I was hoping my lie would work on her, yet she never seemed to notice anything I was doing. Scootaloo appeared to be more comfortable just staying by my side, if for no reason other than just to be by me. I enjoyed her company, I could relax around her, soon Scootaloo fell asleep and laid next to me, sharing our body heat, I rest my head upon her little body; still, there was something that bothered me. My memories, why could I not recall them, what if I never recover them? Moreover, what will happen to me if they do not come back? However, the only thing I had so far was a name, I was called Rainbow Dash.
I listened to Scootaloo’s breathing become deep and restful, I lifted my head and looked up to the heaven’s, and slowly I got to my hoofs and started walking again. There has to be something more to who I am than this, I thought, I just cannot be a nothing, why can’t I remember my life and what is the meaning of who I am?
Walking in the darkness I had no clue where I was heading, I let the moon guide my movements. I passed many places on my right and left, wandering if those who live there are happy with knowing they can remember their existence, with a simple act and they recall their whole life within a second, while I am left with nothing but the blackness of the night. I started singing for no reason.
“Who am I?
“I have to wonder, everything seems clear,
“Yet I shed tears,
“For fears of what could be,
“What my life can mean.
“Can those around me not see?
“The hurt inside building,
“How can they know the sorrow?
“When I have no true tomorrow.”
Tears seeped from my eyes; I could not stand these emotions anymore. I saw ahead a cliff above my eyes. I paced my way up the path. I felt it best to be done and this was a place to have it come ahead now. The walk was short. When I reached the top, I gazed upon the land below, all her memories held tightly in her loving embrace, I knew this will be short and I did not want to make it last anymore. With the next few moments of time, everything began to slow as I walked to the edge; fear gripped my body with tear-stained eyes, it was now I must do this!
“Rainbow Dash,” said a voice coming from behind me.
“Who cares? There’s nothing for me here, leave me alone!” I told the figure.
“Come on sugarcube, we’ve been looking for you since you never met up with Fluttershy.”
I turned back to glance upon this mare. She was the orange one from the place I woke up at; the mare wore a hat upon her head. I didn’t care one way who she was or what she wanted from me, no one could stop me now. This is what I must do.
“Rainbow Dash, I’m a telling you right now, if you do not come here I will make you come here! Do you understand me?”
“What is the point?”
“What do you mean by that?” The orange mare’s face contorted when I asked her this question. “You’re not making much sense now Rainbow, I think it best if we had Twilight look at you.”
I broke down this time, gazing at the landscape; the orange mare came up behind and wrapped a foreleg around my neck. I nuzzled her chest, letting tears flow, breaking from my emotions with each second.
“I have nothing.” I said to her. “I have no clue to who I am; help me.”
“Dash,” her voice trembled, “please tell me you’re joking, this isn’t a very funny prank of yours.”
“What don’t you understand by what I just said; I have nothing,” saying through tear stained eyes, “everything is gone!”
She held my body with a loving embrace, warm and gentle. My mind could not fathom what and who this mare is, yet she understands who I am and what our relation is. I feel so stupid for not staying and seeking help from those five when I had the chance, I let it slip and now I have two opportunities. What is over this cliff, or I go with her back to the others and find a way back to who I was.
“Please help me, I don’t want to be alone, I wanna know who I am.”
“Dash,” she rested a hoof on the back of my head, “you’ve never been alone, and you will never be.”
She led me away from this area. The walk was slow, somewhat enjoyable. I learned her name is Applejack and of the others. I told her everything I could with what little I had to offer from my mind. I was not for sure about any of this but I trusted her to do the right thing. If she claimed to be one of my best friends, maybe there is a hope for my life to return to the way it once was.
2
Applejack led the way back to town. Silence filled the air of this sleeping town; I could see darkness upon each house. I had to think what each of those ponies were dreaming about and if they could remember what they seen. Here I am, a no one being led to some place that could mean nothing, but maybe Applejack and her friends could really help me. Questions filled my mind with each step we took, the suspense was too much and I had to break the silence.
“So, do you know what will happen when we meet your friends?”
The orange mare stopped in her tracks. “Rainbow, these are your friends as well,” Applejack, said, “they’ll help you out in any way they can.”
“I’m sorry but,” the words in my mind felt weak, I did not know if I had the strength to say it fully.
“Listen, you’ve been one of our greatest friends Dash. You have no idea how great you truly are! Genuinely, the loyalists of all the ponies I have ever met! I could not wish for a better friend than you sugarcube. Now if you don’t mind, the library is just up a head and I’m sure Twilight has something that could help you.”
She was right, we did not have to walk much farther, and through the blackness, I could see lights in the distance. A huge tree stood before us. Applejack knocked on the door and it was thrown open with a great force. I saw the same beings as before, but this time true worry could be seen on their faces. The weak one who asked me to help with her animals rushed out and hugged my neck very tightly.
“Oh-my-gosh, we were so worried Rainbow!” Tears streamed down her face, I was taken aback by this, “when you didn’t show up I became frighten and went to the others for help but they had not seen you either. I’m just so glad you’re okay.”
Applejack stepped in front of me and looked the others in the face. “Everypony, I have some bad news and I think it’s best you all take a seat for this one. This is going to be tough on all of us.”
Time slowed down as I walked into the tree-library with Applejack by my side, the yellow mare came up behind us. I was lead into the main room; each of us took a seat. The emotions coursing through my body sat my nerves on fire; how can the others handles such information, can they accept what is about to come or will they not even care to shake their tails at me? I watched as Applejack began the long story of what I had told her. Each of their faces turned from worry to fear; the one known as Pinkie Pie busted into a strange way of crying, tears flowing but more like flying outward in two big streams, while the others cried normal tears of sadness. Try as I might, this was all too much for one to hold in; tears flowed forward slowly hitting the floor. This was more than I could bear anymore, I did not want them to hurt on my account.
“No more,” I yelled, “please stop it!”
“Rainbow,” started Fluttershy, “you’re our friend till the end and if we didn’t have you in our life we won’t be complete.”
“That’s right sugarcube; like it or not, you’re stuck with us.”
One by one, each embraced me as not only a friend, but more like a family member who has lost their way. If I ever have the opportunity to repay their kindness, I’ll do whatever I can to do for each one of them; before I can repay them each, the hard job is now at hand of trying to recover the memories of the being I once was. Is it possible to find yourself again, even if you are not who you think you are anymore?
“Rainbow,” Twilight stopped. “This is all very complex to comprehend and the nature of why this has taken place, but what has shocked me more than anything, you can’t fly!”
“I don’t know what to tell you, but the pony I was is no more.” My words again were lost. “I have no clue what to tell you; I wish there was more but there isn’t. I’m not the same being you remember.”
I held my head low; Applejack lifted up my chin and looked me in the eyes. “It’s okay to feel sad, but don’t let this get you down, we’re here for you.”
Tears formed in the corner of my eyes. Everything at this moment showed me how much these girls truly love me, how can I not feel the same for them, even with no memories, their love fills me with hope I can do something, I don’t know what it can be or how I’ll go about it, I just want each one of them by my side.
The next few days were slow, each of my new friends tried with all of their might, each failing to reignite my memories to come back. Applejack was teaching me how to be competitive; Pinkie Pie wanted to prank others; Twilight tried to use her magic to unlock my past, but nothing worked; Rarity wanted me to help her with the shop, but even if I did like it, there’s no way that could be something I enjoyed before; Fluttershy wanted to teach me how to fly again, the lessons would be at the end of the week.
The wonders of being able to fly intrigued my mind; after my first attempt, I was not sure about the idea but the more I gave it some thought, the more I really wanted to do this. The others had told me about what I could do with these wings of mine, the stories they told seemed so far-fetched, but I kept coming back to these thoughts of what it would feel like to be weightless in the air, one with all that was around me in the sky. It all seemed so nice to think about that but I was not for sure if this could really work though.
“Do you think I can really fly Fluttershy?” I ask.
“Oh yes, you are such a wonderful flyer, far better than I ever will be. This will be no problem for you.”
I did not know if I could fully believe her. Thinking these wings could have made me, one of the best is just too hard to consider to be real. Just being able to fly with no problem, going anywhere you could want to go is just an amazing thought. The wind whipping through my hair.
“I’m ready,” I said.
“Stretch out your wings and breath in deeply.”
I extended my wings and slowly took in a deep breath. My nerves beginning to kick in.
“Now you’ll want to flap both wings slow at first, also, you want to think about using it as a way to help you get off of the ground.”
Taking in air into my lungs, pumping my wings up and down and thinking of how I will kick my body into the air. Really, I felt like a fool for doing this. How is this really going to help me out with trying to get in the sky?
“That’s good, now try lower your body and use your legs to push yourself into the air.”
I crouch my body and pushed upward into the air. My body left the ground, I wasn’t sure if I would stay or fall back down to the ground. I closed my eyes not wanting to see what was happening. I kept flapping my wings before I leapt into the air. I focused my mind on the way I wanted to fly; I pictured myself floating above the trees.
“Rainbow Dash.” I could hear her but I didn’t want to look. “Open your eyes!”
I peaked through my right eye and I could not believe what I was perceiving. Both Fluttershy and I are in the sky, just right where I wanted to be. My emotions couldn’t be held, I screamed for joy in knowing I could really fly.
“This is incredible Fluttershy,” I could feel a smile appear; “I didn’t know I could do this.”
“I knew you could do it; I think it would be best if we went back to the ground now.”
“Okay.”
I began to flap my wings slower, gliding my way back to the ground. Getting into the air was the easy part, this was harder. I noticed my breathing became shorter; on the decent, I could tell it wasn’t working the way it should and soon I lost control of my flight. I watched everything slow as I started to fly into a nearby tree, I crashed into the top half, falling through, breaking the tree-limbs and making a crash-landing onto the ground. I looked up and saw Fluttershy coming in my direction, I could tell she is saying something, but I couldn’t understand what those words are. Sleep overtook my body with darkness coming quickly.
Voices came from all directions, surrounding me. I could not tell if these were real or just something in my head. Lights manifested in the darkness of the dream world, creating shapes, some round while others are lines. Forming colors and whizzing past my sight, gaining in speed. Faster and faster they past my eyes, the shapes began to change, in the distance a head, a bright light began to form, I can feel my sanity breaking. All around me, the sight is twisting and turning into something that should not be. Closer with every second being pulled to the light, I screamed for the horror I was viewing, I am now to the light, being pulled through.
“Ms. Dash?” I could hear a voice. “Rainbow Dash, can you hear my voice?”
Opening my eyes, I saw a doctor standing to my right. “Where am I?”
“Oh thank goodness you’re awake.” Fluttershy was to my left, the others were also there.
“That was quite a nasty fall you had there, but it was a good thing you have such great friends Ms. Dash. I would hate to think what would have happened if they had not gotten you here sooner.”
My head was pounding. “So what happened?”
“You lost control while you were trying to land,” Fluttershy said. “You flew into a tree and broke a few of your bones.”
“May I also interject Ms. Fluttershy,” the doctor was starting to bother me when he spoke to my friends like that. “Rainbow Dash, you fractured your wings when you crashed. I am sorry but your flying days are over for right now. You will be able to fly again one day but until then, you will have to go through some very intense rehab for your wings.”
I felt sick, I have only attempted to fly once, but now I am stuck. I feel like a fool for ever doing this, I should have never come back with Applejack. I wanted to give up all hope from ever finding my place in this world again.
3
I sat under the night sky, gazing at the stars, I felt depression setting in. The world around me had no meaning, the friends I know have no meaning to my life; I’m grounded since my wings are broken. How can I begin to put the pieces of myself back together when I don’t know where to start? What could I even do to even find my way in this world?
“Rainbow?” I turned my head to the side and saw Twilight. “I know you must be hurting since your wings are broken. If you need anything, I just want you to know I am here for you. We are all here for you.”
The anger inside began to come forward. “How can you say that? Here I am, a shell of nothing, broken and lost in a world I have no place in. Do you even know what I really want? All I want is to know who I am!”
“Dash,” she paused to think her words through. “Please, let us help you out.”
I stood up and looked at Twilight. She wanted to say more but I just didn’t want to hear it anymore of her, for that matter, I could care less about the others as well. I started to walk away from Twilight but felt something pulling me backwards. Applejack had my tail in her mouth, I had not noticed the others standing there. How long did they choose to be silent?
“Hold on there missy,” Applejack started. “You are staying put.”
“Leave me alone, none of you can help, I don’t need you; all of you can just remain a forgotten memory that never was.”
There was a moment of silence, shocked faces with fear and worry. Tears formed in the corners of their eyes. The one named Pinkie Pie began her weird way of crying but I paid her no mind, focusing my attention upon the stars overhead. In my heart I just felt nothing for them. How could I be the friend they wanted when there is nothing that remains of the one they loved? Lowering my head I took a quick glance at them all, a tear formed in the corner of my eye, I turned about and ran off into the darkness of the night; voices came quickly from my rear, but I forced my mind to forget them and just keep running.
“I cannot be the one you remember anymore,” I said while running, tears streaming down my face. I ran for a long time, not knowing where I was heading and for all I know it could have been anywhere; I just wanted to be away from those five. “How could they expect me to be the same being they once knew? I’m nothing!”
I crashed into something hard head first. Quickly the world became a distorted place; my head getting heavy, sleep set in and the world of dreams was my reality. Somewhere in the distance there was a faint sound and then everything was gone.
4
Darkness lay before my eyes; I was not sure if this was a dream or if I’m in the world of the dead. If this is the end, I am truly alone; I had not thought what it could mean if this is what was waiting for me.
“Wow.” I paused. “Is anyone there?”
The only sound I could hear is the echo of my voice.
“I really am alone.” I sat up and let it all sink in. “This just cannot be. Please, there has to be more than just this. I don’t want to die.” Tears came as I yelled into the nothing. “Please, I want to live, I don’t want to die alone!”
Lights blinded my eyes from all directions. I felt the grip of my mind loosing what little sanity I had left. I screamed, falling back onto my broken wings, tossing and praying for something, a way for my life to continue living.
“Remember,” came a soft voice from the light.
“Remember what? Please help me; I don’t want to die here.”
“Please remember Dash, you are stronger than this.”
“What do you mean?” The words had little meaning to this moment, how can I begin to understand when the sanity of my reality is coming undone.
“Come back,” I heard crying in the voice. “You can’t go yet. There is still so much left to be done. I need you Dash!”
“I have no clue who you are; save me, I need help!”
I felt my body slipping into a hole; deeply falling into the nothing of darkness. The light was no more. Coldness ran down my spin; a dark grip was felt through my whole body. My breath became short.
“Please, I’m not ready to leave this life.” Begging for my life was pointless; I knew what this place was and what waited me. I curled up my body. Fear flowing through my mind while tears came forth. “Not yet, just let me have some more time.”
“Remember.” said the voiceless body. “You are more than this!”
“Please, leave me alone.”
“Rainbow Dash?” The voice was faint.
“Please don’t let it happen!” I yelled while sitting up. I took quick note of where I am. “How did I ran all the way to where I attempted to fly the first time, how did I come back here?”
“Are you okay Dash?” The voice of Scootaloo is coming from the front of me.
“Oh, Scootaloo,” I was nervous. “Hey kid, what are you doing here?”
“I was going to meet up with the others to see if we could get our cutie marks, but they still have not shown up yet. But it is great you are here Dash, if you have time do you think you could give me a few pointers on how to fly?”
I could see her mouth moving but I could not hear the words anymore. The world was a blank cold shell of nothing; I want to have a meaning to who I am, but if I am not able to find the answers how will I live my life? The emotions came forward again; I closed my eyes and lowered my head, letting everything out.
Years could have passed at that very moment. I felt weak and lost. This burden of being something you’re not, how can someone understand the feelings you hold inside when you don’t fully know what your life means; for that matter who you are. What does it mean to exist but never was? A life that held so many stories for those around you, and you simply can not know how any of it goes. What does your life mean if none of that ever happened?
I felt something around my neck, gentle and warm embracing me. I opened my eyes; Scootaloo’s forelegs are wrapped around my neck. I had no clue if I should pull away or stay. Feeling this child care for me, just loving me for who I am and when I have no idea who she is; how can I be so cruel and not let her know I am not the one she remembers anymore.
“Scootaloo,” I said while holding back my tears. “I have something I need to tell you. The others have kept it a secret and we just didn’t want anyone to know about it. I….”
“I swear it will be between us,” she started, “I promise not to tell!”
I held her close to my body, “I am not the Rainbow Dash you remember,” the words were out before I knew I had said them. “Please understand little one, I have no memories of anyone; everything is gone, my past is nothingness!”
Scootaloo only said three words while in my embrace, “I’m sorry Rainbow.” I held her for a long time; the emotions flowed out, I could not hold it in any longer and it only took a child to help.
I could hear sounds coming from behind us, coming closer with each second. The voices were asking question, I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Scootaloo looked me in the face and left; tears streamed down her tiny face, I watched as she ran off. I was alone again. The whole time this was happening, I quickly took note of my surroundings, not only was I in this same place before, but I must have been out cold for hours, I didn’t know what time it was, maybe noon.
I walked out into the clearing; the sun beat down upon my head. Above me in the distance I could see the place I attempted to end it all where Applejack saved me. Was this some trick or is there something about this place which I am to know about? My mind went through a battle of wills, positive and negative; each attempting to out do the other and become the source of my controlling actions. Life and death coming for me in many different forms. How can I win this when I have nothing to guide me? The memories are no more, the being I was is a fragment lost in the space of time, and those I called a friend are nothing but a shadow from a time I can no longer live.
The nothingness of my mind gave me the answer I needed. I ran to where I wanted to end it the first time. There is no stopping me this time, “I don’t belong here, those who called me a friend, I’m sorry, please forgive me,” I said running for the place I saw overhead. So many emotions went through my mind; I couldn’t help but wander if the others really meant to help or if they were just trying to cheer me up. Time around my body slowed down. In the next moment my mind and body dissociated, I saw myself out of my body watching it run, running towards the end; powerless is the only word I could think of in this time.
I did not care how long it took to get up there; I just knew I had too. The pain is more than I can handle anymore.
Minutes passed like seconds, the next thing I knew was standing at the edge, overlooking the land once again. How can I be so foolish, knowing I could have done this before? My heart bearing a pain so great that no one else can fully recognize what I am going through. I looked down at the edge as I stepped closer. The sun beating down upon my tear-stained face and the wind wiping through my hair. I breathed in one last real breath of air.
“If only you could know,
This pain I feel.
The fear in my eyes betrays me,
Lost forever,
If I never knew you all.
There’s no moment I can give back to you.
I’m sorry for all I’ve done,
Never knowing why you loved me dearly.
Please see me, now for who I am,
As I say my final goodbye.”
I closed my eyes and jumped. “Please don’t be afraid,” I said through the wind. My body fell quickly, I let go and accepted my fate, never to know who I am. I felt happy knowing it was over at last; maybe freedom waits me in the next life. All my fear, anger, depression gone in this instant. “Thank you.”
“Don’t think for a second you’re leaving us that easy.” I heard Applejack say in my ear as she wrapped her legs around my body, “now pull!”
I felt my body being pulled upwards. I couldn’t see what was going on. How could they stop me; how could they even know what I’m going through to stop this?
“Listen here Rainbow,” she said in a stern tone. “You are too important to each one of us; loosing you would destroy our world. We’re not loosing you to some stupid thought going through in your head.”
Our bodies came back up to where I had jumped. They rushed me away from the edge, expecting I would attempt it again. They led me to a field; I looked at each one of them with anger. I had no need for them any more. I wanted to be done.
“Rainbow, what’s gotten in you?” Twilight asked.
“How could you even know what I’m even going through,” I could feel the madness of this reality coming in my words. “You all have a life while I’m nothing!”
“That is no way to talk to your friends,” Applejack interjected. “Twilight, I think it is time you use your magic and bring back our old friend.”
“Applejack,” Twilight started, “I told you there are reason why I choose to not perform those spells on her.”
“Look, we need to fix Dash; doing nothing but sitting around waiting for her memory to reappear is getting us nowhere. I just want the old friend I knew back.”
“We all do,” Twilight paused. “If I use magic on her, there is a chance of backfiring.”
“Are you telling me it won’t work?”
“No, I’m telling you this; Rainbow Dash could be lost forever if magic is used on her in the current state of what is going on in her mind.”
The friends went silent.
“You are telling us, she is stuck like this?”
“Yes A.J., there is very little we can do right now for her.”
5
I looked out the window in my room, watching the clouds in the sky; rain was coming. I did not care though, I walked back to my bed, and I knew the pain and sadness started getting to me today. I wanted to be outside but there were other things I wanted to do, I’ve been told that it is wrong to do those things. I’ve been stuck in here for weeks with not a single shred of improvement, my mind closed and not giving up the secrets anytime soon.
The door opened; I never knew who came to see me and what they wanted. I just lay here and let them speak what they wanted to say. I’ve become what my mind is, nothing.
“How are you feeling today?” said the voice. “I was hoping we could spend some time together.”
I only listened to their words; I had no need to even be active to them. I just wanted to be alone.
“I know it has been tough on you, but understand how much you mean to me. I’ve seen so many wonders from you; seeing you here in this state, I’m lost for words. I wanted to share something with you for a long time; I know you can’t remember, I just want you to have this.”
I heard the sound of something being placed on the nightstand behind my head. I closed my eyes and hoped they believed I was asleep.
“Please, I want you to know that we miss you, not what you have become but the old you, the side of you that made us smile, sometimes also getting upset with you, but it didn’t matter, we loved you because it was who you were.” I could hear them crying. “It’s not the same without you Dash. I just wish you could understand how much I miss you. I know you won’t talk to me, I know you can also hear me, just know you’ll always be a part of my life.”
I heard them walk away and slam the door close. I had no desire to know what they had left, for that matter who it was. I closed my eyes and let sleep overtake my waking world and lead me into the realm of dream. I wanted to forget this place; everyone included and just become a part of the nothing.
“Rainbow Dash,” came another voice disturbing my sleep. “I know you are awake so no more pretending Dash.”
“Fine,” I sat upright in bed.
“So how are you feeling today? Anymore thoughts of wanting to-”
“The same as yesterday, and the days before as well. You ask the same questions over, and you keep getting the same response. When can I leave here?”
She looked at me; I could feel her just staring through me. I knew what the answer was; I let her ask the same questions as she had done every day since I had been placed in here. I turned my head and glared out the window again and breathed in a heavy sigh. I hated what they did but it was better I be here than out there.
“Dash,” the voice belonged to a male. “I’ve been very tolerant of your behavior, it stops now!”
“How can you even help me?” I spoke at last.
“Just let us in to help you. Is that hard?”
“Yes and no.”
“It won’t help if you just stay in here letting your depression waste away your life. We’ve given you extra attention by allowing your friends to come by anytime; still you brush them away like they have no meaning in your life. I was informed about what is really going on.”
“Then you know how I am really feeling.”
“I’ve chosen to keep it quite from the others. You must believe me when I tell you I want to help, but you have to let me in to give you something.”
I laid back down. How could he even know what this all feels like? Existing but never was; how could anyone ever comprehend that? “Those five placed me in this hospital because I couldn’t deal with the pain.”
“The pain?” He asked like a child. “What kind of pain is it my dear?”
“The pain of not knowing who you really are. I’ve been told what I could do; here I am, a shell of nothing waiting for the end to come.” I sat up and looked the Doctor in the eye. “What is the meaning of living life if you have no life to remember?” I breathed in. “Can you even begin to know what that feels like? Being something; everyone thinks you are this great being, but you feel so lost; all that you feel inside is the pain of not knowing who you are, while you live as someone you can’t remember being. Does that help you finally understand why I did what I did?”
“Dash,” Twilight stood in the doorframe.
“Twilight Sparkle,” the Doctor looked worried. “I’m sorry, we weren’t expecting you this soon. Come in, your friend Pinkie Pie was here an hour ago.”
“Doctor, can I have some alone time with Rainbow?”
“Yes my dear you may.”
The Doctor left us alone. Tension flooded the room. I didn’t know what to tell her since she had heard what I said.
Twilight walked over to my bed and laid her head on my chest. “I had no clue you felt that much pain, we only wanted to help you remember.” I noticed her breathing became short and her body trembling. “I wish my magic could help you.”
“Twilight.” I rested my hoof upon her head.
6
I rest my head against the wall; my body weak and tired. I have not slept in days. Twilight and the other kept showing up, everyday, hoping to cheer me up in some way. Now I sit here wasting away; I stopped eating, I have been force-fed all my meals now. The doctor pleaded with me to try; start making a new start from what is going on. My will is broken and gone.
“Rainbow,” Applejack started while she and Twilight held my body. “Sugarcube, why are you doing this to yourself?”
“What is left for me?” These are the first words I have spoken in over a week.
“There are many things to live for. What you’re doing is not one of them.”
“Applejack,” Twilight’s voice came from my right. “You know Rainbow is in-”
“What is the point?”
“Dash,” Twilight paused, “things have been hard, please you need to fight; living this way is not healthy. You have to start living.”
“Do you know,” I let the words form in my mind, “how to start from nothing and become something?”
Applejack let go of my body and leaned herself against the wall. “Twilight, why do we even come here when Dash refuses to acknowledge our presence? I have given more time than I wanted too; the work on the farm needs my attention and Big Mac is loaded down. I really do not know how much more of this I can take. Months have passed since this happened, we are no closer to understanding any of this. I’m sorry, but I’m reaching my breaking point.”
She opened the door and left.
“Don’t listen to her Rainbow,” I could feel Twilight covering for Applejack. “She’s just been worried, I know how it seems. Her family has been going through a rough patch.”
“What does it mean?” I asked without knowing.
“I’m sorry Rainbow-”
“What does it mean to be alive?”
I wrapped my forelegs around her body, she did the same. “Dash, I don’t know how to answer your questions. When I walked in on you talking with the doctor, I never knew how deep your hurt really goes. I felt so ashamed for not seeing what was going on.”
“Why did it happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this pain? What does my life mean? Who am I?”
“You’re Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said through a weak smile.
“If you have no memories,” I paused, “do you still exist?”
She became silent. Twilight just held my body. The hours passed with no words exchanged. I knew she would have to leave soon, I would not stop her; she will come back again, the others too. In the meantime, I would have to stay here in this place.
Twilight went to the door; I could see the doctor talking with her, I could not hear the words being spoken but I knew it was about me. I became so weak, the strength in my body began to leave each day, but I felt frailer today. I listened as the doctor entered the room, checking my heart.
“Twilight,” the doctor yelled for her, “Come quickly my dear!”
Twilight bounced into the room. “What is it?”
“I’m sorry,” he became distress, “Twilight, time is very short now. You must go get your friends; Rainbow’s time is looming-”
“Doctor,” sadness could be heard in her voice. “No, please, it cannot be happening, she just cannot be-”
“Twilight!” The doctor yelled, “I am sorry but her time is coming. Rainbow Dash is going to die! If you leave now to find the others, you may all have time for one final act as friends to say goodbye. Now hurry.”
I heard Twilight call out to me, “Rainbow, please hold on until I come back with the others.”
“I’m so sorry. I did everything I could in my powers to bring you back to living life.”
The doctor walked to the door, I could hear him tell a nurse to keep an eye on me, he needed to breathe until the time came, and if Twilight and her friends show up that they were allowed in to say their final goodbyes.
I closed my eyes and felt tears stream from my eyes. I knew he told her the truth, only if I could have more time to find the answers to the questions in my mind. Looking out the window, the rain was about to start. If only I could be out there, let the rain pour over my body and wash away the emotions and pain. I reached with my hoof, outstretching it to the window and said aloud, “please, not yet!” I closed my eyes waiting for the end.
“Rainbow,” the voice is new and young. “I am surprised at you, for one who tried but failed, you’ve given up on the one thing you want the most.”
I opened my eyes to find a white stallion with black hair standing before me holding my leg. My body froze with fear, the eyes of this being sent horror through my whole body. Blazing red eyes; I saw the color of his eyes; the color in his eyes moved while he stood still, as if his gaze was alive.
“Who are you?” I asked in a weak tone.
“I am nothing more than a guide and you are the only one who can hear or see me; I have been called many things through the years, but my dear, you may call me Hypnotica.” He let go of my leg and bowed his head.
“What do you want with me?”
“Rainbow Dash, I am here to guide you on one last journey before the end of this life of your’s.” He paused with a smile on his face. “You will die Dash, before that happen; I want to take you on an internal voyage of the mind. You will see a world of the unknown. I cannot change what you will see but only guide you to the truth of what can be known in these final moments of your life.”
I heard the doctor come in. A nurse had called him to my room. He checked my vitals. I understood what Hypnotica had said, I am dying. I held open my eyes and gazed out the window.
“Rainbow Dash,” the doctor yelled, “I am begging you, please hold on until the others get here.”
“I have been in this world too long.” I said. “I can feel it coming now.”
Hypnotica stood to my right. “Yes Rainbow, accept that feeling. Embrace what is happening.”
“No, Rainbow, hold out for just a little longer. Please think of your friends and what this will mean.”
“Do not listen to this doctor Dash, your time is now; you have the will to let go at any second of your choosing. Close your eyes and sleep.”
The fight was coming to an end. Gazing out the window, I had noticed the rain. Slowly pouring down from the sky. How I would love to walk on my leg and stand in the rain; wash away the fears and emotions, I have felt for these last 11 months. My eyes became heavy. I can no longer fight what is coming.
“Rainbow, just hold on-” I could not hear the doctor anymore as darkness slipped over my body.
7
“Welcome,” the voice, a deep relaxing tone inviting me to join them. “I am here to guide you on this journey of self-discovery. You will face the truth of your own existence, the answers you find will be your own; I cannot say for certain what you shall find, but only that which will reveal to you in this epoch we have together.”
Hypnotica stood before me in this world of darkness.
“Why am I here?” I asked. “What happens now that I’m,” I could not bring myself to acknowledge my death.
“Why you had to die?” A smile appeared on his face. “Everything must die a some point; for some, the passing must be quick, others must take time my dear. You on the other hand were a mistake.”
I noticed my full strength had come back. “What do you mean I was a ‘mistake’?”
“Rainbow,” he said shaking his head. “I forget at times how my words may confuse you, given the fact, you have much to learn my dear; our time is short and you must be shown things in order to move on to the next life. The event that took your memories was never meant to happened-”
“What caused it to happen?” I interjected. “Why did it have to happen?”
“I will not say why it happened Rainbow, only that it was a mistake; I am here to fix said accident.”
“Will I regain my memories?” I begged to know the answer.
“No, it will not happen.” The smile never faded from his face. “A day will come, and when it does, only then shall you have your memories back. They will come to you in the most unlikely of times when you will have to make a decision. That day is still far-off.”
My mind could not help but marvel at such news. Everything gone will be mine again, the being I was will make sense. Happiness can be returned and the others and I can be; I realize now how folly that thought is. I am in the world of the dead and them in the living. How can I be happy knowing I can never see them again? My life is over while their’s is still continuing.
“I know what you were thinking Dash! Those feelings will only hurt for right now but only if you let them continue hurting you.”
“How can I not be hurt Hypnotica?”
“In knowing you are no more.”
“Why am I here?” I said with tears running down my face.
“Now, we can begin!” He said in his deep toned voice. “You will be faced with 5 levels of what is coming; I cannot change this for you and it must happen. A doorway will open and you must find the answers within to move to the next path on this journey of yours. Rainbow, I do not expect you to make it back. If you fail, the world you are in will become the place of you living. Before you go, I will give you one final thing to protect you.”
Hypnotica waived his front-right leg in a circle in front of me, forming a golden light engulfing my body. This light felt warm and protective. The nerves are no more and I eased into everything happening. The world around me changed into a beautiful landscape of towering mountains, skies overhead of a clear blue; a floating temple stood before me in the center of this world. Stairs led the way up ahead; I took my first steps upon this journey.
The temple is vast, filled with books; I could not help but wonder what secrets they may hold. Everything in this place felt alive. Slowly I walked forward, stepping and taking in all I saw in. I moved to the center of this place, a portion of the floor was caved in to make a pit; it looked more like a place to reflect on things.
“Welcome,” a female voice came from overhead, it to was slow but peaceful. “Rainbow Dash, I have been expecting you for some time. Please join me in the center of my temple.”
I walked down into the pit. Reaching the bottom, I looked up and saw a being of pure light descend. I felt no fear; only a sense of joy filled my body, or what I think my body truly is now.
“I know you are confused Dash, please sit and relax.” The being now before my eyes is in the form of one of my friends.
“How do you look like Fluttershy?” I was perplexed by her appearance.
“Silly Rainbow, those you meet on this journey have many forms; we chose to appear as those who love and knew you best. I know it may not sound fair since you passed away, but do understand, until your mind is ready, you will never fully awake to what you must face.”
“What am I doing here?” I asked while becoming tired. I could not help but let a yawn out.
“I want you to dream. It may only seem confusing, but only when you have reached the end will you begin again. I want you to bring forth an understanding of this world by sleeping.”
My eyes could barely stay open. I felt the world becoming distant and only a dream. I think this Fluttershy began to stroke my mane and whisper words into my ears, telling me to go deeper inside, so deep, I become relaxed with each breath I take in. The world faded and I slipped into the veil of darkness.
8
Water washed over my face as I awoke from my slumber. I looked at my environment. Before me lay an ocean with the sun setting in the distance. I peered over my shoulder and saw the desert. Looking up in the sky, two moons are overhead. A gentle wind blew across my face. I did not know the direction I should go, but only that I needed to move forward for what may come next.
I walked for hours into the darkness as the sun had set; I could feel the energy in my form bouncing through my legs, giving me a propose to move forward through this landscape. I walked down from a dune and could not help but wonder if I may be going in the wrong direction and that everything was wrong.
Before my eyes, in the distance I saw a marquee rising up from the desert floor. Lights emitted from the opening of this tent. I moved ever closer to it. Step by step, I became more interested in knowing what lay before me inside this structure, and the being who would be there once I made my way to it.
As I moved forward to where the opening is, I could hear sounds coming from the inside. I knew I could simply walk in or run away; the feeling to stay became weak, I wanted to run from this and back into the darkness of this world. I hid outside the opening and waited, I do not know what it was I waited for-
“Come inside,” the voice belonged to Twilight interrupting my thoughts.
I walked in smelling the aroma of candles burning, giving off sweet fragrances. I noticed Twilight sitting and waiting for me with an open seat to her left. She waved me to sit. I could not help but suspect her hospitality. I sat down beside her.
“I’m glad you finally made it Rainbow,” she began, “I know you must have wondered if we were hurt by your loss, but understand we all tired to help you in finding your way back; back to a place where you belong, but that is for another time, perhaps now is the time I help you find the way to the Cave.”
“The Cave?”
A small smile could be seen. “In the Cave, you will face fears greater than anything you have ever known; fear unknown to you while you were alive, but force you to understand deeper what is to come later. You may not know, for a month or three, but once you undertake the knowledge you can change. I want you to close your eyes now and relax deeply into the world of dreams.”
I closed my eyes and breathed in deep, letting go.
“Just like that, now focus on an opening, a wall of rocks becoming a doorway into the unknown.”
Her words faded as the picture in my mind became clear; a rock face from the base of a mountain appeared in front of my eyes. An opening formed, twisting and turning from the wall. Thunder pounded overhead, I edged to the opening and peered inward, darkness as far as the eyes may see.
“Go in.” The voice belonged to Rarity. “See the beauty of what’s inside darling.”
I walked into the darkness. Feeling my way slowly at first, blindly going but soon that changed as my sight began to see in the dark. I moved forward edging around small pools of water on my right and left.
“Oh my Rainbow dear,” called the voice of Rarity from nowhere. “You are so close to the first trial.”
“What trial? What am I to do?”
“You’ll see when the time is here.”
I moved deeper and deeper inside. Walking deeper in the darkness of this place. I had to ponder Rarity’s words. I can only wonder if she was messing with me, of if there is something profound I need to do.
“Just up ahead Rainbow, you will find the reason you are here!”
I looked and saw there was no more room for walking; a drop had manifested in my sight with a small marker noting the edge. I walked to the edge; a thought came to my attention of when I attempted to end my own life.
“Go on and jump.”
“What? You want me to now end my life again.”
“Dash,” the voice became too cheery, “this is what you always wanted; or was I mistaken when you did this for real?”
“No,” I paused. “You don’t understand what I was experiencing when it was happening.”
“Just jump and it will be alright.”
“I can’t! This is madness, how can I even do this again.”
I turned my back from the abyss below me. I could no longer feel the need to hurt myself. I turned away from the spot I stood upon, but I felt something wasn’t right, lowering my back leg I slipped on a rock and felt my body moving backwards. I was going over the edge of this drop. I did not want this and knew it is wrong for all those times I thought it was the right action to do on my part. I grabbed for something, I did not want to fall. I closed my eyes and hoped for anything to save me.
“Hold on Dash.” Scootaloo yelled at me. She grabbed a hold of my forelegs and began to pull up.
“Please save me,” I told her.
“You’re too heavy for me Rainbow Dash.” I felt my body slip slowly from her grip. “Please don’t be mad, I only want to help you live.”
“No.” I looked into the eyes of Scootaloo and felt tears coming. I knew she could not hold out much longer since she was only a child.
My body slipped from her grip and I watched as my body fell downward into the darkness slowly as I saw Scootaloo cry for not saving me. I only heard two words as the darkness engulfed my body “I’m sorry,” then there was nothing. I watched my body fall deeply into the abyss.
Deeper and deeper, I fell into a world of nothing. I thought how Scootaloo had done everything in her power to save me and I could only do nothing to help her. I did not want this to be my fate anymore. This world, the meanings, and what I had to do; I didn’t care if my memories would come to me one day, what price have I cost myself and the others by letting my emotions control me? Here I am in the world of the dead and now I have a reason to live, not for myself but for those around me. If only I could wake up from this nightmare and be alive.
“Rainbow,” the voice no longer belong to Rarity but was a combination of many voices, some I had known in life and others I had never heard before. “It’s coming!”
Deeper my body fell; darkness faded and gave way to light, flashing. Colors surrounded my eyes; I felt madness invade my sight.
“That’s it! Just a little more.”
“What do I need to do?” I yelled in pain.
The colors swirled in patterns creating portraits of perceptions of the world around my falling body. Red to black, blue then gray; each with its own unique way of transmitting things into reality.
“There’s no way of knowing,
What is all around us?
Can you feel it?
Can you see it?
The madding world, coming in all at once.
The hand of the reaper looming,
Closer and closer.
It’s coming now,
The end is near.
Everything will…STOP!”
I sat up in screaming, I didn’t know what or who I was in this moment. Everything happened so fast. The changing of matter into substances; sights and sounds becoming new. My mind cannot even begin to understand what it was I just experienced. I only wanted to say I’m sorry for everything I had done to my friends, they meant so much to me and there is nothing I can do to change that.
“Welcome back from the revelations of the Cave.”
“What was that?” I yelled at the fake Twilight.
“I took you to the place you needed to see. In the world of the living, you lived life only for that what you wanted, not what you need. Death is what you wanted, now that you understand what you had-”
“Stop it,” I interrupted. “I didn’t know what it meant; all my friends, how could I even put them through it? I’m sorry I ever wanted to do it!”
“Are you accepting of what happened in your life?”
“Yes, I never meant to turn my back on any of my friends, I just wish I could have known what they all meant to me now.”
“Now comes our parting Rainbow Dash.” She said surprisingly from nowhere.
“What?”
“You can move onto the Garden, my role is no longer need here. I had fun teaching you to accept the life you lived. Now I must leave you.”
9
The world in which I stood changed; twisting and turning from a desolate land into a lush garden. The beauty before my eyes is vast in ways words could do no justice. Smells filled my nose with scents I’ve never known could exist. The world surrounding me, I felt like a child.
“Welcome Rainbow,” came the voice of Applejack, I jumped from the shock of her from coming out of nothing, and “it’s my turn now.”
“Are you going to do what Twilight did?”
“No, I only want you to remember what it’s like to play.”
“What?” I was confused by her saying that.
“Come on and join me.”
I saw her body transform into that of a filly. I wanted to join her and just let go. She looked back and waved for me to come to her. Slowly, I noticed the world around me growing. A sense of being playful overtook my mind, letting go and just enjoying this moment.
“Wait up Applejack,” I heard a younger version of my voice call after her.
“Come on silly and catch me.”
“Ready or not here I come.”
Applejack led the way as I ran after her. Running around trees, laughing and being happy for no reason. We rounded a corner and I stopped in my tracks. All my friends stood before my eyes, a table set up behind them with treats and presents. Each smiled at me.
“Welcome to the party,” Pinkie Pie and the others cheered.
“Who’s this for?” I asked.
Pinkie Pie came up and hugged me tightly. “Why it’s your party silly. We know how upset you’ve been, but we just wanted to brighten up your day.”
“Thank you.” I said. I never knew how powerful our friendship was. The emotions in my heart were overfilled and I began to cry.
“What’s wrong,” they all asked.
“I just never took the time to realize how much you all mean to me. I’m just so happy to be here with you all.”
“Oh darling,” said the filly Rarity. “We do anything to help you out; you’re one of our best friends ever.”
We spent hours playing, telling stories of what we wanted to be when we grow up, I knew what was waiting for me later, but I just wanted to enjoy what time I had with them all. I laughed at Pinkie Pie being silly, helping her pull pranks on the others. The time right now is great, I could not ask for anything else. Seeing my friends and the joyfulness upon their faces, how could I ever wish to leave them again? This moment in time has given me a reason to be alive.
A light mist began appearing under us, enclosing our bodies, I knew my time was approaching the end with them and I accepted that fact. I only wish them happiness as I go away from them.
10
I awoke in Fluttershy’s embrace inside the temple. I felt tears come, I didn’t want it to end, yet, I knew it could not last, just as this will not last, the fate of my soul is coming.
“Welcome back from your dream,” she smiled and looked into my eyes, “our time is short, listen to my words. You’ve been shown many things, a reflection of your life manifesting in ways you could have lived. I am not here to tell you if it was right or wrong, only you know those answers. When you leave my temple, the fate of your soul will be judged. Know in life you were loved.”
This other Fluttershy used her leg in the same manner as Hypnotica and formed a window. I saw the world I came from, I could see and hear everything from above my body. The doctor held his head low as a nurse covered my body. I broke into tears as the others, the real friends I had ran into the room. Each stood transfixed at the sight of my lifeless body.
“I’m sorry Twilight,” I heard the doctor say, “she just could not hold out any longer, her will was too weak, I begged Rainbow to wait until you and the others had the chance to say your goodbyes.” The nurse and doctor walked outside the room.
Twilight and the others walked up to my body each shed a tear for the friend they lost. Pinkie Pie cried the hardest with her weird way of crying. Rarity embraced Fluttershy as she broke down. Applejack lowered her hat for her fallen friend.
“Why couldn’t you let us close to you when you had the chance Rainbow?” Twilight asked.
“Sugarcube,” Applejack choked back her emotions. “There’s nothing left we can do for her, only hope she has found some peace in the end.”
“Please,” cried Fluttershy, “there is so much I wanted to say, you can’t be gone Rainbow Dash.” She went over to my body and held it in her frail grip. “Please, you cannot be dead, this is just a very mean joke you’re playing. Please wake up, I need you!”
“Fluttershy,” Twilight said to her. “She’s gone, we were too late to say goodbye; I know you cared for her, but there’s nothing left for us to do,” she paused, “but say our final goodbyes to the friend we all loved.”
I walked over and watched as each of them said one final goodbye. My heart swelled with emotions of happiness and sorrow. No word right now could put into context what it all meant to hear what they expressed. Nothing mattered to me about my past anymore, I knew I lived my life for the wrong reasons, now it was too late to make amends for all I had wasted in my life. I watched them leave the room one by one; there was no one but only the stillness of my former body in the room.
“Please, no more,” I said wiping away tears from my eyes. “I’m ready to face the end and what waits for me.”
“Take care Rainbow Dash.” Those were the last words I heard when I left the temple. I walked out into the unknown. The world faded into the blackness, a certain stallion waited for me up a head. I slowly walked to him, I could see the smile never faded from his face.
“It’s time for your last ordeal.” Hypnotica said.
“I know,” I said choking on my emotions.
“You are almost done but what is waiting for you is your awaking.”
Hypnotica stomped his right-hoof onto the blackness. My eyes beheld the sight of universes spinning. Worlds and stars flying by in every direction. Words could not explain what I was seeing.
“Open you mind to the possibility of change,” a shooting star passed my eye, “awaking to all that is and ever will be. Become filled with happiness; coming to see life in a completely new light. A wake in…a wake in…inside…transcend to a higher plane of existence.”
Everything before my eyes made sense; I knew my path! Seeing how small I am in the grand scheme of the universe, I am only a tiny speck in a vast sea of beauty, while I was a big part of the life of my friends.
“Remember love that was felt so long ago, embracing the true self, believing in the being you are from times past, and awaken at last as we part ways Rainbow Dash.”
Light surrounded my body. Pulling me through space and time, I know my time was short, but every second was worth the time I had been given with those I loved. Where I end up, I accept what has befallen my friends, my fate, and my end. I saw a tiny light expanding in front of my sight; I closed my eyes as I entered the void of this place and what awaits me.
11
I opened my eyes and filled my body with air. I can tell my body is weak again, but I could tell it was stronger than before. I was not sure what I had gone through was real or some kind of madness; it did not matter anymore, I learned the importance of what Hypnotica had wanted me to learn. My sight adjusted to the color around my eyes. I could not believe what I was realizing. This was impossible and this moment could not exist; what is going on cannot be happening.
I pulled the blanket off my body and saw the hospital in my vision again. Outside my room, I heard crying. My friends expressing there love for one they lost. I looked at the window, the rain pouring down, I wanted to feel the water run down my body and breathe the fresh air once more. I slowly got off the bed, the physical strength in my legs weak very weak, but I knew I could do this. I started walking to the door. The nurse came into the room.
“Doctor,” I heard her yell. “Doctor, you need to see this.”
“Nurse what is it? Don’t you know-” I saw him look at me with a perplexing expression. “No, this can’t be!”
I walked slowly out of the room past them. I could hear only a few things they said but it did not matter at this point; I needed to get outside. I felt a necessity to be in the open world. And let the rain wash over my face.
“Girls, it will be hard when the funeral takes place, but I know Rainbow-” I saw Twilight look up at me as she said my name. “Rainbow, how can it be?”
“I know sugarcube, it’s going to be hard when the funeral happens but we’ll be strong through it all.”
“No,” Twilight did not know if to be happy or sad. “She…Rainbow.”
Applejack turned her head and saw my body standing on weak legs slowly moving in her directions. “It can’t be? Rainbow, thank you for coming back.”
Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy turned their heads. Each face filled with tears. I couldn’t tell if they were afraid or thrilled to know I am alive. I walked forward closer and closer to them. I needed to get out of this place and they would help me.
“Open the doors and help me get to the rain.” I said in a very weak voice. “I have to get outside.”
They moved quickly to the doors and held them open as I walked through them. Each step I took filled my body with a renewed sense of purpose. The friends who love me and I them, walking side by side. The ordeal only took five minutes when we came upon the main entrance. Twilight and Applejack held the doors open for me.
I walked out into the rain, cold drops of water hit my body, and soon becoming drenched. The rain washed over my body drop by drop, filling my mind with an ease. I thought this was some strange joke Hypnotica was playing on me, or only that I’m seeing something my mind wants to see, but it’s not. I really did die in that room; I have no clue as to why I am alive and no amount of questions could ever yield any answer to why I’m here right now. I held up my face to the sky, the rain coming down and hiding the tears I let go.
“Am I going to get a group hug from you guys or not?” I asked turning my head in the direction of the others. Each of them came running toward me and embracing the friend they had back again. Each one told me how much I meant to them, I couldn’t believe how selfish I had been to ignore their feelings. “I’m still not the Dash you remember,” I said letting my tears go, “but I’m willing to learn how to be the friend you had once. I love you all for what you have done.”
12
“You’re dreaming,” Hypnotica said in his slow deep-toned voice, “I have some things I wish to convey; what I shall tell you, it may come as a shock to you, but what is to be told will change your life; those around you, and the reality of your waking mind is coming to a head. The memories will come back, but before they do, you will find that your life is coming to an end.”
I heard the words he spoke; I had no clue if this was a dream, or a reality of my waking mind. I felt the ground beneath my hooves; I could not wrap my mind around, if this was a dream or reality; for that matter, if this was the other world or just in my mind. I looked into his face, his smile never fading; those eyes, the life within them, I can feel them look right into my very existence.
“You must be wondering and asking your self, “why am I here again?” The last time, death had become a part of your nightmare, while this time I am to reveal a pathway…inside.”
I thought back; all that I had faced in the world of death. Everything given and learned from a new way of reflection in my waking mind…the way the other’s needed me to be there. I closed my eyes as their faces entered into my mind. The months I made them endure my pain; selfish thoughts entering my then mind. Everything about that time seems so strange, but I can feel something powerful coming.
“Listen as I talk to you; you are in a state of dreaming, this world does not exist, it’s all in your mind. You are creating this moment in time.”
“Are you real?” I asked at last.
“I am always real to those who are in desire of my attention.”
“What are you Hypnotica?” This question had bothered me before.
“I am many things, a ghost; guide; spirit-guide; nothing but a memory long forgotten by a former self and people; a state of mind. A Fallen; an Angel or Demon.”
“What do you want to tell me and what must I do this time?”
Hypnotica lifted up his front leg and manifesting a doorway from nothing. “This is the true test for you, now, when the time comes and the pathway opens, two choices will bring about an action that must be taken. You cannot altar what is to come Rainbow; stepping through this doorway; actions will set into motion what will happen. Memories lost, will return but death will wait for you. I know that you have fought hard this last month to regain all that you have attained, but your time is coming to an end my dear; the path is set for you now.”
“Will I see you again?” I did not understand why I asked that question, the words were out of my mouth before I realized what I had said.
“There will come a time.”
The door opened up, reviling a void of darkness. I was not sure about the decision to go in. Looking Hypnotica in the eyes one last time, I felt something unexpected from him, the emotions I am feeling, a type of love coming from him, penetrating deep within my soul. I turned my attention back towards the door, the darkness that lay before my eyes. I breathed in and stepped forward into the darkness of the void.
13
I bolted up from the dream I experienced.
“Rainbow Dash?” I heard the doctor call my name and come into the room. “How are we feeling Rainbow? I know you gave us all a scare yesterday, but you still have a long recovery a head of you.”
I let his words trail off in my mind, it did not matter what he was saying or telling me. I looked out the window, the sky clear of clouds and bright from the sun. The strength in my body has returned, not as it was before, but slowly regaining what I had lost. My mind is clear and able to fully think for the first time in months; I let my thoughts return to the dream. Hypnotica told me there will be two choices that cannot be changed and that we will meet again.
“Rainbow?” I was lost in my thoughts; I had not noticed Twilight standing beside my bed.
“Twilight,” I did my best to hide my confusion. “What brings you here?”
“I was hoping to talk to you about what happened; can you explain what happened?”
I looked into her eyes, the concern for one of her friends, having to deal with a sudden loss and gain. The events that surrounded her life, and those she knows, it must have taken a great toll on her, knowing she had to say a goodbye to a friend who she does not fully know; the body remains of the one they love, while the mind belongs to another.
“Rainbow, I cannot pretend to have any idea how you cheated death, the emotions that each of us felt for your loss, we didn’t know how to handle your passing. Fluttershy took it the hardest, Applejack did her best to be strong and hold everything back, but we just could not take it. For months, we have felt a part of us slowly dying each day you did not recover; but we each died when you left us.
“After you came back to us, I went back to the library to search for answers, anything that could help. I have been so worried and confused about this; I did everything I could to help know what took you from us nearly a year ago. I know my magic will do nothing to help you,” Twilight paused as tears formed in her eyes, “I haven’t given up on you, I spent countless nights searching for an answer to bring back the old friend we loved and give you some peace from your pain.”
I can feel her energy, coming at my body like a tidal wave, surmounting my mind with the anguish they all must have felt when I passed from this world. I looked deeply within her eyes, I wanted to comfort her in this moment and let her know everything is all right, nothing bad was going to happen, but remembering my dream, the happiness will not last. I am living on borrowed time until the event comes and this all ends. Until that happens, I will choose to live for this very moment and to find a place of ecstasy within my mind.
“Twilight,” I said and took her hoof into mine, “I’m sorry for what I put you and the others through, I was selfish, everything I did cannot be taken back, but I’ve been given an opportunity to live again; a life that I never had, please do not be hard on your self.”
She laid her head onto my body and cried, I caressed her mane. I thought back to all the times she had done this for me; the pain of not knowing who I am, overtaking my mind and bringing me down, having no one but these strangers to take care of me. Here I am, repaying her with the same kindness she had shown me.
“Hypnotica,” I said to Twilight.
“Who?” She raised her head and gave me a puzzled look, as if she had heard the name before.
“I need to know who he is! Before I died, he came to me and gave me the chance to see my life in a way that has opened the doorway.”
She nodded her head and left. I closed my eyes and hoped I was making the right decision by saying his name. There is so little I understand about what Hypnotica is and what he really meant to show me; death cannot be the only thing?
I turned my attention back to the outside world. I removed the covers from my body and got out of the bed, I fell hard but I can feel the strength in my body. I pushed up and walked slowly over to the window. I felt a power within calling for me to return to the skies. I started walking to the doors when Fluttershy crashed into me.
“Oh, I’m so sorry I-” She became startled to see it was the body of her friend in front of her. “Dash, what are you doing out of bed, you know you’re not fully healed and should take it easy.”
“I want to fly!” I stated. “Help me out of here.”
Even though the doctor and nurses did not like what Fluttershy and I are doing; Fluttershy guided me out of the hospital and into the fresh air. Only two times have I been outside since I was put in here, yesterday was the first and now makes the second time I’ve been able to be out here. So many emotions flooded my mind of what has transpired over the course of these last few months and now I have to make every moment of my time count.
I remembered the day Fluttershy taught me how to fly. I spread out my wings, I could hear a stretching and popping sound, and I could not feel any pain, only a relaxing sensation overtaking my mind in what is to come.
“Please don’t rush yourself Rainbow. Your wings have not been used for so long.”
She is right, my body is not the same as it was, I have let my body deteriorate, and I’m frailer now. “I can feel something inside me; I don’t want to let what I have gone to waste anymore. I will not be the same as I have been these last few months. The time has come for a change.” Flapping up and down, strength filled my body in ways I cannot fully describe in these words; my body began to lift up slowly at first then I started to get higher and higher, before I knew it, my body is in the sky. Everything I did is under control.
“Way too go, woo who.” I heard Fluttershy cheer me on as she flew next to me.
“It is time to get out of this place and find a new life from what I had.”
I returned to the ground, Fluttershy landed next to me. The sun beat down on my mane, wind whipped through my face. A change is coming; looking back at the building that housed my body for so many months, there is nothing left for me in there, I looked Fluttershy in the eyes, I could sense she knew what I was going to do and went into the hospital. Time went by as I stayed outside and felt the fresh air; breathing it all in and feeling alive for the first time. Fluttershy returned but was accompanied by the doctor who looked after me.
“Rainbow,” the doctor looked me over with a smile on his face. “I have been waiting for this day for a long time my dear. Fluttershy has informed me of what your plans are. I shall not keep you from what you want to do. It does pain me to see you leave us, but you are free to leave us and return to your life.”
14
“I can’t believe it Rainbow; you are finally able to be out. When the others hear about this they will be filled with so much joy.”
“I have forgotten what it is like to walk of my own free will.” I paused where I stood and closed my eyes, “Fluttershy, I didn’t mean to leave you or the others, everything you all did for me, I willingly gave up on for no reason,” tears formed in my eyes, “never did I understand how powerful you all are in my life. The strength I feel now is because of you, I don’t ask you to forgive me for what I put you through; the pain in my heart caused me to seek out an end, but only once I died did I understand what you all meant to me. I’m sorry.”
She embraced me tightly, tears soaked my body. I can feel her shaking. “When we lost you,” the emotions in her voice were strong, “I thought my world had come to an end, I couldn’t bear the thought of living in this world without you here. You have been my best friend since flight school. You helped not only me, but also the others as well to get their cutie marks. When you died, I didn’t know if I could continue on without you, Rainbow, I love you!”
“I’m not going anywhere.” I lied knowing there will come a day where I have to say goodbye, until that happens I will enjoy every minute I have with them.
We walked for a short while before we reached Applejack. Her face contoured as she saw Fluttershy and me walking in the distance towards her. I can see the emotions filling her as we approached. I felt grateful for being able to see her; Applejack and Twilight spent the most time with me, but if it had not been for her nearly a year ago, this moment in time would not happen.
“Hey Applejack?” I heard the voice of Pinkie Pie off to the side. “I was just wondering if you could come with-” She looked in my direction and fainted.
As we came closer, Applejack did all she could to stir Pinkie awake. When we got right to them, I bent down and whispered into her ear. “Long time no see.” Without warning Pinkie Pie, jumped straight up into the air screaming with delight and hugged my neck tightly.
“Oh wow,” the frantic Pinkie was. “I can’t believe it, but you were just in the place we had to go. Oh-my-gosh, I’m going to have to throw you a party later-”
“Pinkie!” Applejack shoved her hoof into Pinkie’s mouth; we all had a good laugh from it. I never fully knew how good it would feel to let go and be happy. “Rainbow Dash, how the heck did you get out of that hospital?”
“Fluttershy broke me out. She knew I was not going to stay in there any longer.”
“I’m glad you’re back with us old friend.”
“I have to go find Rarity and Twilight now, and then we can start this party.” Pinkie interjected.
“Pinkie, could we hold off on the party for a while until I can settle back into life here in town?”
“Okie dokie Loki.”
The sight of these friends filled me with such joy, but it will not last and I only have a little time with each of them all. I wanted to see if Twilight had found anything about Hypnotica yet, but I cannot let them know it yet.
“Did it hurt?” Applejack asked. “I know I do not have a right to ask, but I have to know what it was like for you when you left and then came back.”
“I can’t fully explain, there was no pain. My body was so weak from just everything I went through, letting go was the only thing I could do, but that is only the beginning of the story!” Each of them looked at me with a questioning look; I wanted to wait until I we had caught up with Twilight. “I know the questions must be going through each of your minds and making you wonder what really happened, I will tell you all what I experienced but we have to find Rarity and Twilight first.”
“Oh there together at the library with the ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders’,” Pinkie blurted out, “she’s been looking for something. I do not know what it is but it must be important, she needed all the help she can get. I was just coming to get Applejack, and then you showed up.”
“Let’s head over there and lend her some help.” I said to the others.
We each started walking towards the library. I remember when I came this way a year ago; I was filled with fear, I didn’t know anyone and these five friends took me in, even let me stay with them at times, giving me all the help they could possibly give. That night, I wanted to end it all, now that I look back on all that was, it seems so minuscule compared to what I experienced in the other world. I just hope the others can understand what I will tell them.
When we reached the library, there came a loud scream from behind the door, the others rushed inside. I stayed outside for a moment. I do not have a clue as to what I am walking into. I peered my head inside, books flew by my head at great speed, I ducked in time to miss a round coming my way.
“No no no,” I heard Twilight yell. “It has to be here somewhere; I know I’ve come across it before!”
“Twilight what’s the matter?” Applejack asked.
“I’m looking for a certain book and it’s not here.”
“Can I give you some help?” I asked her.
The books dropped from her magic grip and fell onto the floor. “How are you here? I thought you wouldn’t be released for another week or longer. I’m glad to see you Rainbow Dash, now help me look for a book called ‘Myths and Legends’, it should be somewhere around here.”
“Found it!” Pinkie Pie stated.
“Pinkie, where did you find it at?”
“Oh, I was sitting on it.”
Twilight used her magic to bring the book over to her. Pages turned quickly, she knew what to look for. Quickly as she was turning, the pages stopped at a certain point and she read. She looked at the pages and then up to me with a perplexed look. Twilight walked over to me with the book floating besides her and poked my side.
“Dash, we need to be alone until I know for certain this is who you mentioned to me.”
“Why can’t she stay,” came the voices of Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo.
“Girls,” came Applejack, “there will be plenty of time for you all to catch up with Rainbow, but first Twilight needs to talk to her.”
I followed behind Twilight as she led the way to a private room with the book by her side. I couldn’t help but wonder what she had found.
“Rainbow,” Twilight quickly checked to make sure we are alone. “I’ve been looking!” She stared right into my eyes; I could feel something is wrong in her voice. “It just can’t be Rainbow; what I’ve come across is, I just have no words.”
“What did you find Twilight?”
“It just cannot be,” the book fell from her magical grip, “never could I fathom these events could steam from what I have found!”
Twilight had forgotten all about me and began rambling incoherently of events playing out in ways that should have never been. The fear in her eyes told me more was at play now.
“How could he be real?” Twilight said suddenly. “Madness, this is pure madness, I was told as a filly, but I always thought they were just stories.”
“What happened?” I yelled at her. I wanted to shrink away for doing it but I needed to know what she was telling me.
Twilight looked me in the eyes at last, staring transfixed, lips trembling. “Hypnotica is a Fallen!”
15
“Was she right,” I said aloud. “Could Hypnotica really be what Twilight claims him to be?”
I stood by the window in my cloud house. My mind filled with more questions again. I breathed in a heavy sigh and closed my eyes. I thought back to all that I experienced, the memory loss, death and regeneration.
“At one point, everything will end and I will be gone.” I said to no one. “What can I do now when my time is so short? I want to be happy and live, but what about the others? How can they go on without me when it happens?”
I looked outside the window at the setting sun. The light of the day fading like my spirit, giving way to darkness coming through every second. I wanted to be happy but my mind wouldn’t allow it to happen, I kept thinking about what Twilight had read from that book, how much of it could be true; was it just a story from long ago to frighten someone?
There came a soft noise from behind me. “Rainbow,” the voice belonged to Fluttershy, “I’m sorry, I know you may want to be alone but the girls and I were worried when you ran out. We were frighten that you may-”
“Jump again,” I interjected. “No, I remember you and the others telling me about my home, I flew here to get away and think about what Twilight told me.”
“Would you like to talk about it? If that’s okay with you?”
“I don’t know where to begin or how to even talk about it; everything feels like a blur.” I pondered my words; explaining the events to come will only hurt her. I have not told anyone what has happened yet, not with the other world, only have I mentioned Hypnotica’s name to Twilight. “I’m sorry Fluttershy; I don’t want to talk about it. What I do want is to go have fun with you and the other’s and have a Pinkie Pie party.”
Fluttershy and I left and met up with the other girls.
“Welcome to the party girls.” Pinkie bounced up and down with joy when she saw it was us. “Everybody is here waiting on you.” Pinkie was right, even the little ones are here, the one’s known as the ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders’. Pinkie walked up next to me and whispered into my ear how Twilight was feeling down. I saw Twilight in the corner, a worried expression sat across her face. I went over to her and sat by her side.
“Rainbow, can you forgive me for what I found?” I could not only hear the sadness in her voice, but I felt it as a force penetrating my body.
“Twilight,” I paused. “All the times you came to me in my times of darkness, I could never be upset with you. It took me aback with what you found about him, it brought back bad memories of a former time in my life and I just wanted to be alone to think about it.”
“You don’t understand,” she bit her lower lip, “you’re not the only one who has been visited by Hypnotica!”
“What?” Everything in the room became null; the world vanished from my sight. “How…when…who did he visit?”
“I can’t say for certain,” she began. “I’m not sure who he has come to, but Rainbow; it was months ago, I had forgotten about it and what he showed me. Until you said his name could I remember him and his,” she paused to think her words out, “smile. Never did it fade, and the way he played with his words.”
I began to notice the others standing by us, each of their mouths a gaped, Twilight took noticed as well. My heart felt heavy. How much did they hear, who did he visit, and what did he show them?
“Did you say,” Pinkie began to tremble, “Hypnotica?”
The others shuddered at the mere mention of Hypnotica’s name. I could not believe what I was seeing. The deeper meanings of what he showed me, the pain and suffering I felt, I could remember everything as if they are happening this very second. I only wonder if they too can remember what happened in that other world.
“All of you?” Twilight asked the group.
“Yes!” Each one said in unison.
“How?” I asked. “Why weren’t you all affected like me?” It took me aback. Everything in this moment shocked me. Each one experienced something from beyond this world.
Applejack looked at the others and stepped forward. “Sugarcube, there’s very little I can remember,” the others shaking their heading in a yes motion as she said those words. “I had forgotten about him and what he showed me, but it is those eyes of his and that smile. Never have I forgotten; the only thing I can remember being shown, a sunrise coming over the horizon and a shadow-figure before my eyes.”
“What?” Rarity asked. “That can’t be darling, for I to have that same memory.”
Each one in the room began sharing this same encounter, each one of them managed to explain the same event playing out in different ways but always leading up to the same thing; each one of them could only remember a certain thing Hypnotica had shown them and nothing more. I wondered what it was that he brought to them in that other world and what they each had seen. The only thing that can be certain is a sunrise and a figure cloaked in shadows.
Hearing them tell this part of their story, I thought back, how the last thing I saw was heading into a white light, blinding me from seeing what was coming. I wish there is more answers but all I was left with is questions, just like the rest of us, nothing is fully known.
“The girls and I,” began Apple Bloom, “when we went camping, trying to get our cutie marks, we were lost for two days with nothing to eat and came close to loosing our lives.”
“Apple Bloom, when did this happen?” Applejack asked.
“It was about 5 months ago. Can’t you remember when you, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity came looking for us? We were in a cave. Before you found us, I can remember Him, the one you call Hypnotica, telling us to come forward out of the cave and you that’s when you found us.”
“I am sorry little sis, I can’t remember any of it.”
The others looked at one another with an embarrassing look upon their face. The event Apple Bloom was talking about has somehow been wiped from all their minds. Why?
“Rainbow Dash,” came the voice of Scootaloo. “Can you tell us what happened to you?”
The next 3 hours went by, I told them what happened as my time in this world passed and I entered from the world of the living and into the essence of the world of death. The pain of them loosing a friend entering my mind, the little ones never knew this and I could see it was affecting them each. I told them what it means to die, physically there may be pain, but that is only a momentary thing, the pain of death only last a second before it’s gone. The next part came, as I told them how I went through a vast maze of events, how each of them played a role. Remembering all that I had experienced brought about an emotion to my consciousness that I had failed to noticed before, love. I knew each one of them truly cared for me, but seeing them experience my story now; all around me, a force of energy could be felt coming from each of them. Positive and negative flowing into two ways of being, forming a new force from all of them.
Each of them rushed forward, embracing me in a hug. I also felt tears stream down onto my coat. I could only speculate what can be going through their minds at the telling of this story. From what I had just told them, I could not bare to tell them about what is to come. I know my time is short, but I want each of them to have what little time to spend with me.
Fluttershy wrapped her legs around my neck and cried heavily. “Please do not leave us again!” Her tears fell upon my body. My heart shank as she uttered those words. My emotions came forward; each one of my friends embraced me, just as when I came back from the dead.
As the hours past, we did not want to leave each other. We spent the night with one another. Makeshift beds were made for each one of us. I felt a calming awareness overcome my body-mind and slept.
16
I looked out side my cloud window at the setting sun. Thoughts went through my mind of all that has transpired over the course of this last year; emotions from the good and bad, taking and changing in ways that could otherwise never be. My mind went back to the first day, the day this all happened. I’ve accepted my life in many different ways, there is only one thing that has not changed the memories! I have not regained my memories.
I watched the sun set, giving way to the darkness of the night to come.
“One year ago, on my birthday did this all happen” I said aloud to no one, remembering what the others had told me. “Tomorrow will mark one full year since this happened. The others have something special planned for me.” I felt so many emotions towards this coming date. “Only if I could know what caused all this to begin and finally have a sense of closure. I do not care to know why my memories were taken from me, only why it had to be.”
I rest my head against the cloudy wall and allowed my mind to clear and take in a deep breath, filling my lungs, relaxing each seconds and letting my thoughts fade from the negative. I lifted up my head and looked at the setting sun once more; the scene brought a smile to my face. I pondered the sight, a simple act of going from one point to another. Manifesting actions into a transforming point in time.
“How long are you going to look outside,” came a slow-toned voice from behind, “when you should be paying attention to what is going on inside.”
Hearing his voice made my mind panic; I knew the day would come but I was not expecting it to be this soon. I can feel my emotions coming forward, knowing that my end is now upon me.
“Rainbow, do not be fearful. I have some words I wish to exchange with you for right now, but at the end an action will be set in motion.”
“I don’t want to die Hypnotica,” I said this as I watched the sun finally set. “Please, I cannot go, not when I have found so much love and how to live!”
“Rainbow my dear,” I felt his hoof stroke my mane, “I told you this day would come, not when you expect it, but when you least expect it to appear. Now come and follow as I have something to share with you; any questions you have I shall answer.”
I lifted up my head and turned to look him in the face. The smile, always did he have that smile, never did he seem to be influenced by anything other than his own will. He nodded leading to the place he wished to talk and I followed him.
We entered the kitchen; we sat across from each other. He waved his front leg in the same manner as in the other world and two drinks appeared.
I knew the question formed in my mind and had to be asked, but I truly fear for my life right now; there is so much I have to complete, but with Hypnotica here, I worry that it will all be for nothing now. Almost a year has fully passed, now the end is in sight and there is no going back.
“Rainbow,” he lifted up my head slowly and wiped away the tears streaming from my face. “I know seeing me does not help you feel any better, but you knew I would come back one day; the time is now and your path is set.” He paused to take a drink. “I sense the fear in you young one-”
“What are you?” I interjected quickly. I have to know this time. I have to hear it from his mouth what he truly is. “What is a ‘Fallen’?”
“I told you before what I am; but that can only feed you for so long I guess.” He looked at me with a different intent now. “You deserve this much, I can tell you what I can, but please understand, the story of my life is very different than what you may expect. But answer me this, how do you know that term?”
“I asked Twilight about you. When I met with her outside the hospital for the first time in months,” I paused on this next part, “she showed me a book that had you in it!”
“I guess there are only a few who could remember what I am,” nothing phased him, “I am what they have called ‘Fallen’. Long has it been since those days; brothers and sisters gone in the blink of an eye. I am the last of my kind Rainbow; a great war destroyed my race. I have wandered this world since the great war.”
“My friends, they have seen you as well. What did you show them?”
“That does surprise even myself.” He took another sip from his drink. “Only those who are close to death or have pass, do I visit. While you were in that hospital dying, I did visit them, each felt a portion of their soul die without you, I cannot tell you what they experienced, that is a law that even I cannot break. Those who I come to are shown a way of being or living that would otherwise could never be attained by mortal way.”
“Why is it Apple Bloom and myself are the only ones to remember you? The others can remember your name and what you look like, but that is all.”
“I remember them all. Apple Bloom is different from her friends; she experienced a different portion of that world. Each of them in a hurry to attain something, but what price are they willing to pay for such reckless behaviors? I took them on a journey, like you, each faced a way of life that needed to change; unfortunately their fate is to continue for some time more. Rainbow, my time with you is almost done; I have only a few more things to tell you.
“My race was the first to be born, you could say we were the Gods of this and every world, but what we did was something that was truly an abomination, I regret what my brothers and sisters became; the war between us, nearly destroyed this world and the many others we created. I became the last, I am set upon this and all worlds to amend for all the sins my race committed. I am here to guide those who need it the most. There are at times, Rifts in this world that manifest and open up to this world and infect, it is my job to fix that which I find,” he closed his eyes and a single tear came forth, “never could I have fathomed a mistake that happened so long ago would affect the living. This is a mistake from what happened so long ago from our folly act. I am truly sorry for what we did! Those who are affected by what we did must pay the ultimate price.”
“Death.” I said weakly, Hypnotica sat shaking his head yes. I sat motionless, trying to fully understand what I must do now. There is very little for me now. “How much time do I have before I have to leave?”
“At dawn the parting of ways will happen.”
I closed my eyes, thinking of all the things I could have done, that which is incomplete, and all that should have been. I will never have the chance to do any of that now.
I breathed in slowly as my emotions overtook my body and mind. I lowered my head and cried; for this is the last time I’ll ever be able to do this. I thought of all my friends, each of their faces coming into full view of my minds eye. All that I could say to them each, I have so little time now, I know the pain will destroy them each, they themselves were nearly destroyed from my first leaving. How could they handle it this time, there is no coming back from what I am about to face.
“Why do I have to die?” I asked through my pain. “All I wanted was to live my life after I understood what everything meant, and now it all means nothing!”
I felt something touch my head. I opened my eyes to see Hypnotica laying his head upon mine. A single tear again appeared in the corner of his eye and fell onto my face; all that I was feeling vanished when his lone tear touched my face.
“Dear Rainbow,” his deep-toned voice relaxing, “I cannot take away what is to come, for I am only a guide to show you what has been set in motion. I will soon part from you, after I leave, the power to choose will be up to you from that point on, and all will be left for you. Go to where it all began, wait for the coming day, there you will know what must happen.” He removed his head, I felt him kiss my forehead. “Goodbye, Rainbow Dash.”
I looked up and found I am alone once more in this empty home.
“Go to where it all began,” I repeated his words. “No, no, of all that he could tell me,” I closed my eyes as the picture began to form of the place, “after all this time through this year; the final answer and action I am to face is there where I tried to commit suicide?”
The worst feelings any being could experience now flooded my body and mind. Everything in my mind could not fully come to terms with what just happened; with only a few hours left, I looked around at this home at everything. I stopped at a picture of my friends, I brought it close to my body and cried silent tears, and I knew I will never have another chance to amend for anything if what I do next does not happen. I dropped the photo and flew out the door.
“Please forgive me for what comes next.” I said with the wind whipping through my hair. “I have to get to everyone before it happens.”
17
“Rainbow,” said a tired Twilight as she opened the front door. “It is the middle of the night. Can this wait until later?”
“No,” I said marching inside.
Twilight gave me a peculiar look as she closed the door behind her. “What is wrong Rainbow?”
“I need your help and I only have a few hours left!” I did my best to hide my emotions from her. Nothing will be as hard for what is coming, not for me but them; I know it will destroy them. “You have to get the others up and meet me at the cliff where I, I attempted to kill myself, you have to get them there before the dawn of the new morning appears.”
“Please tell me you are not going to-”
“Twilight, I’m going to die and I don’t want to be alone!”
Pain is the only word I could describe for what I felt right now. Looking into her eyes, I felt my heart break from having to utter those words. I lowered my head, fighting back all the tears I can but I feel it will do me very little good now.
“No,” I heard her voice crack a little. “Not again; please tell me you are just lying? We cannot lose you again!”
I raised my head, looking her in the eyes, the greatest fear I have ever felt. “I have known my time was short since I came back; Hypnotica came back to inform me about what lay ahead for me,” I paused on this last word, I knew well what it will mean from saying it, “my death is going to happen at sunrise, nothing can change it!”
“What do you need me to do for you?”
“Get our friends and meet me where you and the others saved me from jumping. It has to be there where this will happen.”
I went to the door and pulled it open. Before I stepped outside Twilight hugged me. The heat from her body filled me with a certain joy; I do not know how long this will last, only that I wish it could be longer. Only if I was given more time to live my life.
Twilight whispered two words into my ears, “be safe,” letting go of my body I rushed out the door spreading my wings and taking flight into the darkness of the moonlit night.
I flew up into the sky. My mind went back to what happened over a year ago, the place where this all truly began, not with the others but where I attempted to end my life. The actions I set into motion began there.
Rushing forward, time around my body slowed, I could notice everything with such great detail. My breathing calmed in ways that I have never experienced. The land below turned into open fields, I looked ahead, and there it is, the cliff where I have attempted to end my life. I do not know why it must be there, only that it must happen there. Every second, I came closer to that place.
A sharp pain went through my heart, sending me astray from the path. The time is getting closer now. I regained control of my wings and came back to the path I was on.
“Please, just a little more?” I asked. “I have almost made it; just a little more.”
Another pain hit as I crash landed at the top of the cliff. I skidded to a halt onto some rock as I heard bones break. The pain, never did it hurt this much before, my mind is unable to comprehend what is fully going on. I lifted up my head, seeing the moon in the lower end of the sky; I may only have two hours left. I only hope the others make it in time.
“Just let me have more time,” I say slowly through a weak tone, “Twilight, you have to make it; not for me, but the others.”
I closed my eyes; pain filled my body in ways I have never known before. I forced my body to stand up. I had to be strong this time, not for me, but for those who will loose one of the greatest parts of their lives. For what is to come, I only wish there is another way; a route in which this event did not have to play out, but there is no more time.
“Hear my words,
“The friends I love.
“You are the ones,
“Who loved me in ways
“I could never know.
“Looking beyond,
“To the heavens above
“And the mysteries abound.
“Floating indifferently,
“I hear the call you have given;
“I am here,
“Ready for the meaning of the end.
“Please, do not let me fall
“As I hold my head up high.
“As I wait for this final day.”
I felt my strength come back into my body. I stood upright and walked closer to the edge of the cliff and looked down. I did not feel the need to jump, as I did before; inside I felt what is true, the end is upon me.
I heard a loud bang behind me. I turned to look and saw that all my friends had made it. Twilight used her magic to teleport each one of them here safely. I wish I could tell them all how much they really mean to me.
“Twilight,” came the voice of Applejack, “you better have a good reason why you got us all up in the middle of the night? Why are we here?”
“Rainbow Dash?” Scootaloo asked with a tired voice.
I could hear them all coming close to help me. Words are being uttered but I cannot hear them, a great pain shot through my heart again. I lost full control of my legs and fell. Applejack and Fluttershy caught my body before it hit the ground. They helped me back up.
“Twilight, what is going on with Rainbow?” Fluttershy asked.
“She,” I could now hear them; I felt the pain in her words as she started to speak. “Rainbow, she is-”
“What is it?” Roared Applejack.
“I am dying,” I said in a weak tone.
I heard them gasp as I uttered those words. The little ones did not know how to handle this; Scootaloo and a few others began to immediately cry. I cannot deny them this; my heart swelled in an emotional hurricane.
“How long do you have?” Applejack asked.
“Sunrise,” I said as another round of pain with through my heart.
“Please,” came the voice of Fluttershy, “you just can’t leave us, not again, I cannot live without you!”
I stood up and walked over to the edge, I felt one pull me back, I paid them no mind and went back to the edge, and no one stopped me this time. Looking at the skyline, light began to appear, in a matter of seconds it will happen; I felt another round of pain go through my heart, this time I managed to stand up and not fall.
I turned and looked them each in the face, no words could consol them. I knew very well what having them here would mean; pain beyond all understanding. Thoughts and actions that will have no meaning for anyone else save for those who are here. I let my feelings go, tears streamed down my face.
“Rainbow, the sun!” Scootaloo shouted.
I looked out the corner of my eye, the sun was finally appearing; the time I was given is no more and the final moments have begun.
“I love you all.” I said.
“Rainbow,” yelled Applejack, “it’s you that we saw in that dream world. You’re the one who stood before the sun!”
I felt something hit me in the back. Everything started to move slowly. The world around began to feel heavy and far away; a force started pulling me backwards. My body is falling over the cliff. Scootaloo is rushing towards my body, screaming and reaching for me, it is too late as my body is falling over and the world around me turns into darkness. I have died again.
Inside the veil of darkness, something powerful was happening. A bright light appeared from the nothing. Intensity began to form in this new form of mine. I looked around to see what is going on, behind me, there is my body falling slowly; I can still reach out and touch it, but I feel something from the front that needs my attention.
The force I had just felt coursed through my form again. A sharp pain went through my whole form. I have no clue what I am experiencing. Something begins to fill me. I look all around, small windows begin to form around my body, and each one opens forming pictures. These pictures come to me, penetrating my body. One after another, they come into me. The last window forms and comes into me; quickly as they formed they fade from my view.
Hypnotica appears before me now. Only does he smile and nods. I understand what he meant now; only now do I fully understand what he meant. I feel so foolish for not getting his message. I close my eyes and let a single tear flow for him.
“Thank you,” I say to him, “I know what it is you did now.”
“No, you are the one I have to thank! I forget what your kind is capable of doing. Freedom awaits you dear Rainbow, now go.”
I turned back towards my body; the lifeless form, falling through the air. I rushed quickly and touched it with this new form I am in and entered back into my body. Above I could hear the others saying my name, while a few are screaming. Looking down at the ground below, I increased my speed. My body moved faster and faster with each second, the world around me, moving slowly as my speed increases. I move quickly, a great force pulling my body. I am nearly to the ground now, I push even faster now. The ground is within reaching distance.
“It is now or never!” I yell.
A great boom is heard as I pull away from crashing into the ground. I fly back up into the sky. I look behind my body, I have done it!
I zoom back up to the cliff. When I land, the others look on in disbelief. Each face tearstained and speechless. They are motionless for a few second and then rush towards me. I felt my neck almost strangled from being hugged so tightly. After a few minutes they let me go.
Twilight looked me in the face. “How, are you here?”
The others began a round of questioning as well. This went on for a little, until I put up a hoof to quite them. I need to catch my breath and from what I had just experienced. I closed my eyes and let my emotions flow.
“It is over,” I tell them.
“Huh?” I heard Applejack and a few of the others.
“Hypnotica came to me the day I was released from the hospital in a dream. He told me that I would die and regain something. I now know what his words meant-”
“Rainbow?” Fluttershy cried and hugged my neck. “I have missed you so much!”
“I missed all of you, I am glad to be back.”
18
“How did you regain your memories?” Twilight asked.
“The one who I had become needed to die, but more importantly, I needed to be shown the power of the love of my friends in ways that I had never known before. All that you had done for me. I remember everything I did; all the moments where I turned away from what you did, I am sorry for what happened.”
“Rainbow, I was reading that book I had shown you, but I must know who is Hypnotica?”
“A forgotten spirit who only wants to make right what was destroyed so long ago.”
“Come on it’s a party girls.” Pinkie Pie said to us from out of nowhere. “This party is in honor of you Dashie. Happy birthday!”
The next few hours became a blur as we spent the whole day together. Each telling me how much I truly meant to them. I can remember everything that happened, I wish I could have been a better friend for what they dealt with, and never could I have known the magnitude of what I put each of them through.
“Rainbow, I have a surprise for you,” I heard Fluttershy. “Look who has joined us?”
Next to Fluttershy, I noticed an old face I have not seen in a long time. My heart swelled with so much happiness as I went over and embraced Tank. I picked him up and brought him close to my body and hugged him. There is very little more I could ask for in this moment.
19
I am standing once more at this cliff at sunset. I had to leave the party and think about the meaning of this place and all that happened. I ponder the deeper meaning of whom and what Hypnotica really is; even with my memories back, I cannot help but question all that happened and why it had to be me to go through it.
“Back again?”
“So what do you have to show me this time?”
I turned my head and saw Hypnotica in full form. That smile of his, always there. I wonder how long he stood there and if he wanted to scare me somehow. I walked over to him.
“I am not here to take away anything from you, but give you one last understanding.”
“And that would be?” I gave him a questioning look.
“Remember how I told you about the great war of my race?”
“Yes.” Now I became interested in what he is telling me.
“When my race killed each other, it sent surges of energies flowing into the worlds we created, causing rifts to form. Power that could destroy the mind, gives powers, or takes away life, or any other possible means that could manifest. I have made it my job to find the source of these rifts in the worlds, as I find them and set right what is wrong. And do you remember what happened one-year ago at this very spot?”
It hit me now. “This place was more than just what happened, I attempted to do exactly what I did today; a year ago while I flew down this cliff to perform the Sonic Rainboom and felt something enter into my body.”
“While you were attempting to do a stunt you have mastered, a rift opened and you were caught in the folds of it. I arrived too late to stop it from happening Rainbow. Since that day, I have watched you. The reason of why I could not help you sooner is one that my race set a rule upon us long ago. A rule that we could not break, only those who face death or who shall die can we show our self too.
“While I knew that my powers could not change you back, I knew that if I guided you back in some way, there was hope, that you could once more become the being you have always been, could be alive once more. I am sorry for not doing more than what I could have done.”
I looked him in the eyes, I took note of the movement in his eyes; I now see they are not flames but figures of different being; each one moving in a certain manner. In his left eye, I catch a glimpse of one that looks like myself and my friends. I am looking at all the souls he has fought to save. I feel the sadness buried deep with him now.
“Each one you see in my left is the souls I saved, the ones I brought back. In the right, those are the souls I am forced to remember for the failure and sins I committed upon this and all worlds. I do not expect you or anyone to forgive what has transpired. The only thing I want you to remember, your life is now free from all that has been. I have found some comfort from helping you Rainbow Dash.”
Without warning his body vanished before my eyes. I turned my attention back to the setting sun. I felt sorry now for what I now know about him. The pain my friends and I endured is nothing to what he must have to face everyday.
A gentle wind caressing my face as the sun was almost no more. I tear fell from the corner of my eye.
I stood up and breathed in a heavy breath. Looking at the set sun, I knew that it was finally over and that at last I could find peace for what had happened. I turned and looked at the path below and began the long walk back to Ponyville. I turned my head up once more to the path where I was just at.
“Thank you,” I said to no one, “for showing me the way back to the love of my friends. May you find peace one day at the end of your long journey, farewell Hypnotica.”
