Number the Days: One to Infinity

“One”

Dear Princess Celestia,

The gaining of knowledge has always been a part of my nature. Ever since I first saw you raise the summer sun so many years ago, I vowed to do something that would better ponykind in that way. I would do something that would change Equestria forever.

And now I have.

Well, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. My assistants and I are not actually sure if the serum that we have designed actually works. While it is true that we have run it through a gauntlet of tests, almost all of said tests revolve around rats solving a maze and other feats of muroidea intelligence. Today marks the first day of equine testing with the honor of being the first to be tested on to be decided using one of the most rudimentary forms of decision making: drawing straws.

I have been given the role of data collection for the upcoming experiment and am therefore out of consideration. I am disappointed, to be sure, but somepony has to do it, otherwise all of our research would be able to say is: “The Algernon Serum has the ability to increase the intelligence of rats.”

“Why did you name it The Algernon Serum?” It seems like every time a reporter interviews us on our research, they invariably ask that question first. The answer is always the same: our first successful test was on a rat named Algernon.

Most reporters then muse philosophically, going along the lines of “What’s in a name…” and chuckling to themselves. When they notice that we aren’t laughing with them the chuckle turns into a cough, followed by questions that revolve around the actual project.

But I digress. Let me resume writing about more interesting things, like levitating a cup full of straws of different lengths.

Well, that isn’t very interesting either I suppose. The only semi-interesting thing we got out of the straw-picking was the first pony to receive a dose of The Algernon Serum, which, while it might go down in history somewhere, is not very interesting at the moment. I suppose I should probably record his name and vital information down somewhere.

GUFFIN, MAC

MALE PEGASUS

AGE: 25 Years

HEIGHT: 16.8h

WEIGHT: 525kg

COAT COLOR: Lime Green

MANE COLOR: Dark Green

EYE COLOR: Hazel

BLOOD TYPE: Qa-

Now if anypony years from now should wish to know who the first pony to receive a dosage of The Algernon Serum was, they can apply for entrance into the royal archives, where they will see all of the information I have just given you.

I’m being called to the lab, where we are about to begin the experiment. I hope that my next letter will contain what I have learned from all this.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

***

Dear Princess Celestia,

I would love to report a success on the equine intelligence front, but I cannot. Instead of creating a smarter, more loving pegasus in the form of Mr. Guffin, The Algernon Serum has instead created a lethargic mess in winged pony form. It’s frustrating, seeing all that work go to waste on a single pony who is currently lounging on the break room couch.

Any attempts to get Mac Guffin to move anywhere close to testing have been met with some kind of witty retort. The last time we tried, the pegasus responded with, “I supposed to be smarter now, right? I’ll come do the tests when that happens,” before chuckling to himself.

I have been told that Mister Guffin is probably right. We have failed.

But, and this is a big but, we are not giving up yet. We just have to go back and rework the drug, test it on an animal closer related to ponies than mice are, and resume testing. Meanwhile, The Algernon Serum dose we gave Mr. Guffin should wear off within twenty four hours, and everything that happened today will have reset by tomorrow.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

PS. I should probably mention that in the physical we administered while Mac Guffin was unconscious immediately after the operation, we found that he had developed a cavity on every single one of his teeth. I suppose we will have to call in a dentist to get those filled. The grant money you gave us covers this, right?

***

Dear Princess Celestia,

The Algernon Serum has yet to wear off on Mac Guffin, which is odd seeing how fast it wore off on Algernon the mouse and all the other test mice we used.

Furthermore, it seems that Mac Guffin’s physical condition is degrading at an alarming pace. He now shambles from place to place, often not responding to outside stimuli.

Excuse me for making what must seem like an absurd hypothesis, but I have read enough books to recognize the symptoms of a zombie pony. I expressed my worries to the rest of the research team, and we agreed that the best course of action would be to have security quarantine our creation until either this fugue state subsides, or until we can be certain that a Mac Guffin under the effects of The Algernon Serum is safe to interact with under reasonable conditions.

We will continue to run more tests, and I will keep you updated on Mac Guffin’s progress as he continues to suffer from our mistake.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

***

Dear Princess Celestia,

This is more of a brief scrap between proper letters, but security at this facility is getting incredibly lax. Just now I saw a brown male earth pony running around the hallways. I am certain that nopony working at this facility matches those specifications. Even if I was mistaken (I wasn’t, and still am not), he wasn’t wearing a lab coat!

What kind of security system lets unauthorized personnel in without said unauthorized personnel looking the part?

I complained the security guard in charge of the gate. He seemed to be really taking in my comments. Granted, he seemed to be taking in everything in general, but I’m not one to judge perfectionism. Besides, if he is this into his job, so much the better. It does bring into question how this mysterious earth pony managed to get past him, but if he says didn’t see anything, then he probably didn’t see anything.

I’ll solve this mystery later. There’s science to be done.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

***

Dear Princess Celestia,

I was walking past the security booth this morning, which is only notable because the booth itself was empty. I rescind my opinion of this guard pony. He is most certainly not a perfectionist if he is not waiting right there when I arrive.

I decided to just teleport past the barrier. I know such an action is technically considered illegal, but, as wrote in my last letter yesterday, there’s science to be done.

Or there would be science to do if there were anypony else in the lab. I could understand at first, given what time it was when I turned the lights on, but at this point there is normally another pony here whose circadian rhythm has recently been almost as crazy as mine. The only other pony here is Mac Guffin, who is…

I’m not really sure how to explain in word form the look Mr. Guffin is giving me through the glass. Lust? Hunger? Either way, it only confirms my suspicions.

We have created a monster.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

***

Dear Princess Celestia,

Remember when I suggested that my circadian rhythms have been askew while working on this project? And how no other pony was at the lab when I was, but they would almost certainly eventually show up?

Wishful thinking. It is almost five o’clock now, and nopony has even walked by the laboratory door.

I hate to say it, but I am running out of excuses for them. I checked the calendar to make sure today isn’t a holiday, I have checked the mailbox seventeen times, in case everypony besides me came down with the flu, I have even hoof-written letters to them just in case they have an excuse that I haven’t thought of.

Nothing. No security ponies, no lab assistants, nothing. Just me, an insane monster, and empty space where the lab assistants are supposed to be.

Lesson learned: Most lab assistants are lazy.

Still, I have to wonder: How is it possible that all of them play hooky on the same day? Is possible that this a joke they planned to get back at me? I realize that I can be a tough boss, but this is a bit too much, wouldn’t you agree?

I need to take a walk. Get away from all this for a bit.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

***

Dear Princess Celestia,

I concluded last night during my walk that I would need to reexamine Mac Guffin. I brought this up during the research team morning meeting just before I started writing this and unsurprisingly received no good counterarguments. So, with a unanimous decision of one for and zero against, I began the preparations. The events that follow in this letter are going to be as real-time as possible.

10:03 AM: First thing’s first. Before I go into the same room as a monster, I have to size up the room and prepare for any possible eventuality. On the bright side, I should be able to wear a hazmat suit to protect myself from any disease this thing might be spreading. Unfortunately, if the suit gets ruptured or I get attacked, the door is the only escape route that doesn’t involve blasting a wall down. And blasting the wall of a hermetically sealed chamber defeats the purpose of it being hermetically sealed.

10:05: What kind of laboratory that specifically deals with dangerous chemicals doesn’t have hazmat suits?

10:06: Found them. They are clearly designed for ponies bigger than I, or at least ones with longer limbs, but they will have to do. Also, after I finish with this, remind me to complain to the facility supplier, because I am pretty sure this “D” on the tag means it should not be used in a chemical lab.

10:20: I am now double checking the dimensions of the quarantine chamber. As expected, the room has remained a square of ten meter width with a three meter high ceiling since I last measured it.

10:21: I was just now walking by the quarantine room door, when I heard this noise that sounded suspiciously like a zombie pegasus slamming himself against a piece of metal. The thing in there lunged at me! Do I really want to be doing this?

11:27: I have finally managed to convince myself that there is nothing to fear. I accept that most, if not all ponies have a fear of the unknown, but what is behind that chamber lock is most certainly known. And I know I have the capacity to deal with a known thing.

Telekinesis is an amazingly versatile ability. One of its most frowned upon uses is forcing another pony to be immobile. Fortunately, that thing is not a pony. Not anymore.

And if all else fails, I can simply teleport away.

11:31: I have just finished triple-checking the room dimensions. One can never be too careful.

12:44 PM: I finally feel ready, both equipment-wise and mentally. The plan is as follows:

First: Open the door.

Second: Telekinetically seize whatever pony-shaped thing is behind said door.

Third: Bring the two of us to a nearby table, which I have tried to set up from memory to be as much like an operating table as possible. While the lab storage room does have a lot of things, it does not have a saddlebag hospital in there. I have had to make do with some missing equipment.

Alright, a lot of equipment, but you know what they say: Necessity is the mother of invention.

Fourth:  Using the tools I have, I will attempt to solve as many mysteries about what has happened over the past few days as possible.

If this plan seems vague, that’s because it is. I know I am usually more specific with my lists, but I have no knowledge of the being behind the hermetically sealed door besides what it once was and that I can handle it. I apologize, but if I knew more, I would express it.

I want to be able to focus as much as possible on handling Mac Guffin, so here is where I must end my letter. In case this plan does not work and you never hear from me again, I have decided to end with my weekly friendship lesson:

“Friendship” is more than just an attachment that you have with somepony else. Friendship is a state of mind, like being on an emotional high. It was how I was able to summon The Elements of Harmony all those years ago. It was how you pulled me out of Discord’s grip. It was how I was so ready to forgive all of you after my brother’s wedding.

And more than anything, friendship is the glue that holds all of Equestria, maybe even the whole world, together.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle