Still a Better Love Story Than Twilight

by meme-asaurus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Prince Blueblood, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 1191

Prince Blueblood asks Princess Twilight to marry him. She gives the rational response.

Prince Blueblood asks Princess Twilight to marry him. She gives the rational response.

Published 2013-04-24 18:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-31 21:56:07 UTC

Yes, The Tag Says "Romance." Put Down Your Torches and Pitchforks and Start Reading.

Prince Blueblood straightened his bowtie. He considered himself a stallion of sophistication, despite the whispers behind his back claiming he was FAR from a gentlecolt. He took a deep breath, confidence brimming from his psyche. He had come all the way from Canterlot to the dusty town of Who-cares-ville for the most important thing he ever decided to do in his life:

He was going to court his future bride, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

All his life, he had searched for the perfect mare to bestow the honor of becoming his wife. Not just any filly off the street would fit that role, oh heavens no. She would need to possess the perfect combination of beauty, charm, intellect, and regal majesty that was worthy of being worshiped to. He needed a mare that unequaled in every possible way, simply because HE was just as perfect.

Of course, he had his fair share of admirers that wanted to marry him into a life of love and luxury. The sheer number of them was practically breaking down his door every day. None of them met his standards for even a long-term relationship. That said, most of his dates ended in tears, a one-night-stand of pity sex, or (occasionally) a cake to the face.

And then, just when he was about to give up, SHE was crowned.

Twilight Sparkle’s coronation initially confused Blueblood. A commoner? Made a member of royalty? Preposterous! It baffled the prince to no end. You’d think she’d saved the world or something. Blueblood thought the issue over for countless days and nights. It made him toss and turn in his sleep.

Finally, he came to a brilliant conclusion: Auntie Celestia was sending him a message. Obviously, she had taken precautions in case her favorite nephew was having trouble finding ‘The One.’ She had selected a filly a childhood, spent the last fourteen years grooming that pony to be the perfect princess, and just now officially made her a monarch of the Equestrian government. It wasn’t hard to put the pieces together: Certainly, Twilight Sparkle was secretly selected to be his wife! What else could it possibly be? Celestia, you clever old alicorn!

Blueblood knocked on the door of Golden Oaks Library. There was a shuffling noise inside, and the door opened with a glow of purple-colored magic. Twilight Sparkle was wearing her golden tiara that was given to her at the celebration of her ascension, and nothing else. It was the closest princesses ever got to casual wear.

She opened her mouth to speak. “Welcome to Ponyville’s local libra-MMPH!”

Her sentence was cut off abruptly by Blueblood stuffing her face with a bouquet of the most expensive roses money could buy. The flowers were both considered a florist’s dream and a salad-maker’s masterpiece. Of course, Blueblood didn’t take into account how much rose thorns can hurt when applied to one’s eyeballs.

“AAAAHHHHH!!!! MY EYES!! THEY STING!!” screamed Twilight, flinching away from the bouquet. “Why would anypony even do something like that?” She looked up to give her attacker a well-deserved glare, and in the process found out who it was in the first place. “Oh, would you look at that, it’s you.”

My reputation must precede me, thought Blueblood to himself. Might as well formerly introduce myself. “Greetings my lovely princess, my name is Prince Blueblood. I have come to-”

“Yes, we’ve met,” Twilight said flatly.

“Really?” Blueblood replied. He was fairly certain that he’d never been face-to-face with Twilight Sparkle before.

“Don’t you remember?” Twilight insisted. “We went to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns together. We even graduated in the same year.”

“Umm…” murmured Blueblood, wracking his brain.

“You sat next to me in biology class three years in a row?”

“Uhh…”

"You copied off my work?"

"Uhh..."

“We had lockers assigned right next to each other?”

“Hmm…”

“You’ve flirted with every lab partner I’ve ever had?”

“Err…”

“I spent more time with your aunt then you did? You also barged into the middle of our private lessons very frequently?”

“Duhhh…”

“You took my friend on the worst date of her life back at last year’s Grand Galloping Gala?”

“Annnnd I’m terribly sorry for that,” he said, changing the subject as quickly as possible. “Why don’t we make a fresh start?”

Twilight stood silent.

Unwilling to cope with an awkward silence, Blueblood decided to cut to the chase. “You see, I have come down from our glorious hometown of Canterlot to sweep you off your hooves with my undying affection and companionship!” he said with a winning smile.

The sound of her jaw dropping was almost audible. “You… WHAT??”

“Indeed, my beautiful princess, for you have torn my tender heart asunder! I have watched your glorious figure from afar, and I cannot bear to wait any longer. I must confess… THAT I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU TO THE ENDS OF EQUESTRIA AND BEYOND! I LOVE YOU WITH EACH PASSING MINUTE OF MY LIFE!”

Twilight made a face one makes when spotting a piece of three-week-old roadkill on the highway. Blueblood was too caught up in the act to take notice.

He dropped on one knee and pulled out an impossibly pure 56-karat gold ring adorned with a diamond that every dragon in the world would kill to get his claws on. “Now that I have poured my soul out to you, will you partake in the honor of becoming my wife?”

“No.”

“GREAT!! We’ll have to invite all of the royal family to the wedding and-Wait, did you say no?”

“That’s right,” Twilight said with a completely straight face. “Now, could you please go away? I’m in the middle of preening my wings.”

“B-but…” he sputtered, “can’t you see that we’re the perfect match for each other?”

“No, we aren’t,” she quipped. “Trust me, we really aren’t.” With that, she slammed the door. As soon as it was closed, there was a furious knocking. And by ‘furious knocking,’ I meant to say ‘loud and obnoxious banging noise.’

“I’ve told my answer, and it’s not going to change five seconds afterward!” Twilight hollered without opening the door.

“Please reconsider!” Blueblood’s voice said, muffled by the wood. “You’re forgetting that you’re immortal! Every minute you spend without me is a minute of my all-too-short life slipping away! Before you know it, I’ll be a withering old corpse by the time you realize that you love me! We have to make our moments we have together count!”

“What’s happening, Twilight?” Spike asked, walking down from upstairs. “I heard somepony yelling.”

“It’s nothing, Spike,” assured Twilight. “Go back to your nap.”

Just then, Blueblood barged in with his pocket-sized unfoldable battering ram. “I will not be ignored! My love for you is too great!”

“How many times do I have to say the word NO?” Twilight shot back. “There is no force in this world or beyond that will change my mind! I will never, ever fall of the likes of-”

Author's Note

...Or Just Listen to This Hilariously Awkward Audio Reading. Whichever.