Weaponized Love

by Brosparkles

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character
Length: 989

After the assault on Canterlot, love is discovered to be quite a useful weapon, and is deployed in the changeling wars. WARNING: MAY BE VERY SILLY

After the assault on Canterlot, love is discovered to be quite a useful weapon, and is deployed in the changeling wars. Written in about an hour, I was bored and had an idea. WARNING: MAY BE VERY SILLY.

Published 2013-04-24 08:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-24 08:20:01 UTC

Weaponized Love

After the assault on Canterlot, many ponies assumed the changelings would stop their assault. But although the battle may have been won, the war had only begun.

“C’mon! Is that the best you’ve got!” A drill sergeant yelled at a group of trainees, preparing themselves.

Many new soldiers were being trained, to defend Equestria from changeling invasion. A scrawny, shaky stallion came running in, his curly mane thrown around in every direction, with sleepless eyes. He ran towards a large, older stallion, who seemed to be in charge.

“Sir! We have news from Canterlot! A new weapon has been developed!” He began to yell. “Training is to begin immediately.”

“And what is this weapon?” the general asked. “Show me.”

The weapons researcher was confused. He had no idea how to show it. He eventually decided to just show it in action. He embraced the general in a big hug, to which the general fought back, and pushed him off.

“What are you doing?” the general howled at him.

“Demonstrating our latest weapon. Love.”

“Are you kidding me? You’d better be.”

“Not at all sir! Princess Mi Amore Cadenza has shown its uses, long with her husband, Shining Armor.”

The general was shocked when he heard Shining Armor’s name. If the captain of the royal guard says it works, it must really be effective.

“...All right, we’ll try it.” the general said.

“Thank you sir.” the weapons researcher said, and trotted away.

The general began giving orders to the drill sergeants, who were forced to do as their superior officer ordered. Training continued, and the soldiers were taught this new weapon.

“Hug harder! I want to see you smile!” the drill sergeant yelled.

The recruits were practising love usage, young stallions and mares hoof holding, hugging, and, in drastic situations, a kiss.

“Um, sir?” a red maned recruit asked the sergeant

“What?: the sergeant yelled.

“Can I please be paired with a mare? This is really awkward.”. the recruit said, as he
was embracing a fellow colt.

“You don’t get to choose! What will you do if you’re out on the battlefield, and he’s the only other soldier around? You’ll hold on to him for dear life, that’s what!”

This training proceeded for quite some time, until a counter-attack was ordered. The army was to head out to the changeling hive.

“Let’s go kick some changeling flank!” a young colt, with a bright red mane yelled.

“Yeah! We’ll teach them to endanger the princess!” another colt, this one brown, yelled.

The soldiers headed off to war, most of them new recruits, never having seen battle before. Changelings and pegasi flew all across the battlefield. Unicorn magic was streaking through the air.

“Get down!” somepony yelled.

Everypony ducked into a trench, as magical bolts flew overhead.

“Let’s show them some love!” a higher ranking soldier yelled.

The ponies approached the changelings, who began to swarm.

“Ready...now!” the officer yelled.

Hugging broke out among the ponies, which seemed to repel the changelings, but they were still coming in hot.

“Group hug! NOW!” the officer screamed.

Everypony gathered around, and embraced each other. But the changeling kept coming. The red maned recruit looked to the brown maned recruit, desperation in his eyes.

“Dude, no homo.” the red maned colt said, grabbing on to the brown maned colt, kissing him deeply. An aura of love surrounded them, blasting the changelings away. The battle was won, love proving quite a useful weapon.

“We shall never speak of this again.” The red maned recruit said.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” The brown recruit replied.

The Aftermath

With the changelings witnessing the awe-inspiring power of love, they had no choice but to surrender. Soon technology to store love in bombs would come around The love bomb would soon be mass-produced. The Gryphon Empires, not wanting to be defeated by Equestrians, sent spies to steal their love secrets. These spies could be anywhere. They were said to even spy on people in their homes, watching them late at night. The Gryphons managed to steal these love secrets, and weaponize it themselves. Many more love bombs would be produced, the two countries just waiting to love and tolerate each other off the face of the Earth. But not a single bomb would ever be fired. Both countries were much too worried about what the other would do. How they would react. The countries were both too shy to ever show their love, in the form of death raining from the skies.

The two recruits who won the battle of the changeling hive were both given high honors, and even had a statue of the fateful kiss erected in the Canterlot gardens. For some reason, neither of them seemed to enjoy these honors. Truly, they are the humblest of heroes.

The weapons scientist went on to develop many more of these love weapons. He always carried a sketchbook with him, where he drew many weapon designs inside. However, these weapons never saw the battlefield. Some quotes from people who he had shown the fighting techniques to include, “Gross.” and “Far too dangerous.” along with “Get away from me, you sick little man.” and “Cover your eyes, kids!” He went on being misunderstood for quite some time, until one day, he was asked to present his fighting techniques to Princess Celestia herself. He had no idea why she asked, after the way the rest had treated him, but he gladly obliged. Celestia seemed to take quite an interest. Later, she would have him demonstrate said techniques, and, as it turned out, she had some of her own!

Luna and Celestia would have many debates over the heated subject of love control. Luna believed that love was a dangerous weapon, and needed more regulation and background pony checks, whereas Celestia argued that every citizen of Equestria had the right to defend themselves, and that it “Doesn't matter, made love.”