Misadventures Of Pony Writings.

by DashyJ

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 2760

Where the death of stories begins. AKA: Scrap Files.

Where the death of stories begins.
AKA: Scrap Files
This story is in no way canon. Even to it's self.
WARNING: This story is not for the faint of heart, extra serious type, or a person who gives a shit about grammar. So don't be a dink and be butthurt when none of this makes sense.

Published 2013-04-24 08:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-05 04:33:13 UTC

No Salvation Ch 2 Comedy Scrap

Teleportation sucks. Well at least the dissonant kind. The group that consisted of Discord, Luna, Celestia, and the rest of the 5 elements were now on the top of mountain thanks to Discord and his magic., but the majority of the group was more concerned on the massive pressure crushing their brains to a mushy pulp.

"Ah how wonderful it is to be at the top of the mountain" Discord said leisurely as he stretched his arms out, yawning dramatically.

Luna could only scoff at her fathers childish and inappropriate references, while Celestia giggled lightly.

"Ever so childish even in thy face of war and disaster aren't thou Discord?" Luna mocked her father condescendingly. Her nose scrunched and lips frowning.

"Oh come now Luna, our father is naught but spreading a little mirth in our dark situation. Let loose for a change and drop that Faust-Damned old English of yours will you?"

Luna looked to her sister her face contorted with irritation and frustration. "Well EXCUSE me for being original Tia!" She shouted a fire raging within her belly. "Your dumb ass can't even stay within the fashions of the last week! It has to be new tiara this, and new suspiciously banana shaped regal wear that!"

Discord looked at his two daughters with a small smile on his face. They still bickered the same as he remembered, and over the same pointless things. It must have started that whole eternal night business he had heard about for a while.

"Ugh will those two just shut the buck up and get us out of here! My head is killing me!" Rainbow Dash complained.
Applejack and Fluttershy nodded in silent agreement as Rarity and Pinkie Pie lay there clutching their heads in the hooves, groaning in agony.

"Oh I do apologize those two can get at it a bit. Their argumentative side certainly didn't come from me! Why it must have been their mother!" Discord exclaimed.

"Ugh no you idiot just get us off this mountain" Applejack said. Attempting to not let her brain leak out of her nasal canals.

In the background Celestia and Luna's argument was only becoming more and more heated and raising in volume.

"Umm yes, I agree with Applejack and Rainbow Dash. We really need to get off this mountain." Fluttershy mumbled, as the pain in her head wasn't lessening.

In the background Luna and Celestia had broken of magic and were still attempting to out yell the other.

"WHATS THAT?" Discord yelled, trying to be audible over his two now very loud and arguing daughters. "I can't hear you over the bickering mare!"

"We need to get out of here!"

"WE NEED TO ROB CHILDREN OF THIER TEARS?!?" Discord shouted his lion paw at his ear, in the hopes to hear better.

"No we need to get out of here!"

"MEXICANS ARE QUEERS??? FLUTTERSHY YOU'RE TERRIBLE! THEY ARE A NICE PEOPLE!"

"WE NEED TO-"

"FUCK THIS!" And with a snap of his talon the rather loud and irritating group was gone once more.

With a flash of magic the group had welcomed themselves to a new place, this time not so high above sea level. But that didn't seem to stop the two eternal princesses.

"AND IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT THE NEW 720 ISN'T COMPATIBLE WITH THE 360 OR THE ORIGINAL! FUCK YOU TIA! FUCK YOU WITH A GARDEN HOSE!"

"WE'LL BOOM BITCH!" Celestia shouted. "PONY STATION SUPREMACY! AND YOUR JUST MAD BECAUSE THE PS3 HAS BETTER GRAPHICS!"

"Girls..."

"HAH! I WILL MURDER YOUR PS3 AND ITS SHITTY GRAPHICS WITH A SPOON"

"Girls"

"YEAH WELL I HAVE A GOLF CLUB!"

"Girls!"

"FUCK YOUR GOLF CLUB I HAVE A MONKEY!"

"Oh for the love of... just shut shut up!" Discord shouted, throwing his arms in the air, literally coming between the two and magically slapping magical zippers on heir mouths.

Author's Note

My measly excuse for writing comedy.

Incognito Brony Test

Rarity was bored. The monotonous ticking of her clock and her cat occasionally scratching at the furniture was especially annoying today. She in a rut. Seemingly nothing could break her out of this pickle.

With a unlady-like frustrated grunt she stormed out of her inspiration room.

Grabbing a wrench in her telekinesis she threw it out the window in The hopes that she would hit some random passerby. Hearing a scream of agony Rarity smiled and trotted down her stairs.

Looking to her table there were a many miscellaneous items. Some too graphic for mention... No not that you sick fucks.

On her table she flung her various Lyra plushies onto the floor. Basically SHE THREW IT ON THE GROUND!

With her ears steaming she ground her teeth in a fit of rage. Flipping her table and cursing. "FUCK, SHIT, PISS, ASS, JEAUS MONKEY SHIT! IM HUNGRY!" She never knew why but Rarity always got angry when she was hungry. Maybe because she watched the Lion King too much as a filly.

Thrusting her face into the fridge door Rarity looked around. There was salad, cucumbers, and hay. What actual horses eat. Regardless she opted for the hay. Because that's what horses eat. Hay.

Now filling her belly with HAY Rarity felt gey. Once again not that gay its not a typo so you go to hell! (Insert AsaIn accent here)

Looking out the window she noticed her friend Pinkie Pie. My how she has gotten fat. Rarity thought to herself. "Pinkie Pie!" Rarity screamed out the window. "Would to like to go fishing? You can be my boat... Because your fat!" Rarity exclaimed giggle in her forehooves, then immediately plucked her alabaster head inside before the massive, fat, rotund, and plump pink pony could evoke her fat wrath upon her head.

Later throughout the day Rarity had continually pissed the the common town folk. Throwing comments such as: "YOUR A FAT ASS!" And "MY DEAR YOU LOOK SO UTTERLY HIDEOUS IN THAT FASHION ATTIRE " regardless of whether they were actually wearing clothing.

Coming back to her house Rarity noticed a scroll on her kitchen table.

It simply read:

Brony Test:

When winter is over you:
A: wrap it up
B: let nature do its thing
C: wish it was winter again

Do you know what cupcakes im talking about?:
A: uhh the frosted ones?
B: i dont even wanna talk about it!
C: BETTER GET READY TO DIE!

If you were any kind of equine what would you be?:
A: Pegasus
B: Unicorn
C: Earth bound
D: this is a stupid question

No party is a super-duper-awesome-fantastical party without:
A: baloons
B: booze
C: women
D: all of the above

Have you heard of Baloon party?:
A: no
B: yes
C: do you mean knife party?

Things are better when:
A: they are a Rarity
B: they are gone
C: you have them

7: Applejack is everyones favourite cereal right?:
A: i see what you did there
B: what? I dont like Applejack's
C: pff cereal
D: sure why not.

To break the sound barrier is:
A: Sonic Rain-Boom!
B: impossible
C: im getting tired of these questions

If your name was Pinkie what would you want to do all the time?:
A: cut myself
B: buy PINK!
C: make my friends smile smile smile

What do you fear most?
A: spiders
B: magic kindergarden for failing my mentor
C: failure
D: the dark

When somebody trys to block:
A: show them that you rock!
B: gently tip-toe around them? If not try tomorow?
C: FOOTBALL

Friendship is:
A:friendship?
B: i dont have friends
C: magic
D: dude this test is retarded im done

After Rarity had finished her test mysteriously placed on her table she looked at the next scroll which had the answers on them.

Answer key:
1: A
2: B or C
3: A, B or C
4: A or D
5: B
6: A
7: A
8: A
9: C
10: B
11: A or B
12: C

If the person scored 10/12 or higher you have a true brony

9-7/12: Casual brony

6/12 or lower you have someone who either knows what they are a hater or your just lucky.

0? Just leave please.

Rarity of course score a perfect score.

Of 0.

The. A dinosaur broke out of her closet and ate her. And the rest of the town was happy once more.

Author's Note

So if you were not a brony and given this test would you have know. That this was a My Little Pony test? And also thank you to Chrysaor for the help and moral support of this pile of shit. Props to you sir.

Battle Of The Randoms

Warning!
The following Below contains in no particular order: Minor Soul Calibre 4 references, Reindeer, Shiny Stuff, Mad Cow disease, Poop, and above all else Pony OC's yelling at each other because they were bored.

This was a conversation that my friend and I actually had. No we weren't doing drugs nor were we drunk. We are just crazy like that. Don't do drugs they are bad for you kids.

Prepare.

It all started on a summer afternoon. Dashy was just heading in from working outside. The heat of the sun bearing down on his back, sweat running down his body. It feels great to be alive.

Stripping down to the bare necessities, much to his mother’s protests, Dashy let his hands drift below his belt to hold onto his stallionhood like every other man does when he gets home.

Drifting down the stairs was nothing special. Smash the door with his head; scare the shit out of his dog, etc. What he really was interested in, was what his phone had to say.

Walking into his room Dashy spotted his phone on his bed.

Dat bed. It makes all the fella's jealous. (Ironically his phone is a piece of shit, but that's beside the point.) "Hmm I wonder what wonderful ladies have texted me?" He thought out loud to himself.

While he did indeed get a text from a rather attractive lady, something else caught Dashy's attention. His bro Bryan had texted him. Bro's before Ho's.

It appeared as if his friend was in a random mood. So their conversation went a little something like this. (The conversation goes Bryan, Dashy, and repeats)

"Lol..... YOU SON OF A BITCH! Imma kill you. I'm going to finish my ham, fly to Saskatoon, and shoot you, in your bitch face"

"But what about the 3rd generation ponies? They aren't eating each other!"

"MAD COW DISEASE BITCH ASS!"

"MOOLIA HAS GONE NUTS! RUN FOR THE HILLS! THE SNAKES WILL PROTECT US!"

"NOOO! THE SNAKES WILL FALL BACKWARDS, FOR THE HILL IS TOO STEEP! AND THEY ATE MY CHEESIES!"

"THOSE BASTARDS! THEY FUCKED UP THE FOOD CHAIN! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE THE CANNIBAL TIGER WHO SNORTS HIS OWN CHEESE!"

(From here on in I have no idea what the fuck went down.)

"THE REINDEERS DEVOUR ELF FLESH, FOR THEY HAVE TURNED INTO FERAL CANNIBALS!"

"But that is the problem! What happens when Elves stop making sacrifices to the Reindeers? WE AIN’T GOT NO MAGIC CHRISTMAS! CAUSE THE REINDEERS ARE EATING EACH OTHER!"

"THERE IS NO SACRIFICE! THE ELVES JUST WALK OUTSIDE, AND DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE AND GET DEVOURED BECASUE THEY ARE STUPID!"

"By fling imposters!?! They aren't cows! They aren't reptiles! They aren't OLD MAN SUPER TESTICLES..."

Only silence...

"What could they be?"

"They are... They are something else..."

"They are something we can't comprehend! For they cannot be the things you said, and they can’t be what I am thinking of... But must be something SHINY AS FUCK!"

"FUCK'N SHINY SHIT! I CAN'T EVEN SEE IT! ITS LIKE CELESTIA TOOK A BIG SHIT AND THE TOILET EXPLODED! But yet... We will never know..."

"I GO! TO SUPPER AND SOON I SHALL EPLODE THY TOILET!"

"GOO LUCK! FOR THINE TOILET HAS NOT FELT THINE WRATH!"

------------------------------------------------------20 minutes later---------------------------------------------------------

"THOUST TOILET DID TASTE THY WRATH FROM THE STEAK AND MUSHROOM PIZZA!"

"THY TOILET WILL NEVER BREAKTHE PEACE AGAIN! FOR IT SHALL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE SHOTGUN SHIT!"

"IT WAS SMASHED INTO OBLIVION FROM THE PONY BOWELS!"

"Ahh. Bowels. The ancient and evil creature. First conjured by Reptile the Invisible and Old Man Wrinkly Balls!"

"REPTILE THE INVISIBLE TORE OFF THE SAGGY PEA TETICLES OF THE OLD MAN AND RAMMED THEM DOWN HIS OLD FUCKING TEACIOUS THROAT!"

"BUT THEN IT CREATED A SUPER NUT WHICH THE LD MAN T-BAGGED THE REPTILE SO HARD THAT HE NOW HAS A HOLE IN HIS CHEST!"

"Fuck you"

"Fuck you too"

"We should go to the Ex this summer and troll bitches"

Skype Bordom

This was a small chat that my editor: Infinite Zero and myself had, it was actually really cool.

Infinite Zero
Infinite was walking through the forest when he was suddenly ambushed by a group of bounty hunters. Choosing to flee rather then fight, Infinite took to the skies in an attempt to escape. An arrow through his left wing sent him tumbling to meet the hard earth and he was captured and shackled. Unable to move properly, Infinite began to pray to Luna for help on this dark night.)

DashyJ
Dashy Was not far away from his friend Infinite, when he was attacked. But that did not mean that he knew quiet yet. He was In fact unsuccessfully hunting for one of pony kinds greatest foes: The Madness. The madness lives in many different forms. Bounty Hunters, Marauders, Raiders, and much more. Suddenly he sees a meak trail of blood glistening in the moon light. Something is wrong.

InfiniteZero
‎The six ponies had settled down for the night and left Infinite chained to a thick tree. It was uncomfortable, but he had to make the best of the situation. His wing was badly damaged and he'd need a good few weeks before he could fly again.

He'd heard rumors of an evil force, one that took many forms, living or not. Making sure that he wasn't about to be caught, Infinite glanced at the tents and placed a hoof over his wing, collecting blood to slick the bindings. Escape seemed preferable to slavery

DashyJ
Dashy let the blood guide him. The drips were becoming more and more frequent. along with the many footsteps getting closer and closer. He was close. But he was disgusted at what he saw. He didn't know that the madness could be so...

Harmony needs disharmony. And who is to say that there is no disharmony in harmony. Letting the strange 6 to... Whatever they were doing, Dashy set his sights to the blood pool. And then he saw him.

Author's Note

Ill keep adding onto this when It keeps going (Basically this chapter will be ripped down and replaced with a longer version.)

No Salvation Ch 1 Intro Scrap

Each race was a key of sorts. While each species was great and feared in their own ways, they were nothing compared to what they unlock.

"What do we wait for?" Catalyst asked impatiently. Each of our kin have discovered harmony."

"Yes I do agree with our Minotaur 'friend'" Faust said cooly, her words dripping with sarcasm at the last word.

"Then lets get this over with" Fire Hawk stated. "I spent an eternity sleeping beside you inferiors and I would rather not extend that time."

"What about you Tyberious? ____ asked. "You have been rather quiet during our last hours"

The ancient and infinitely wise dragon looked up at his companions, smiling darkly as he did so. "So long it has been since I last spoke. Our mutual language tastes different on my tongue than what I last remember"

The others scoffed at the dragons imperial, and vague way of speaking.

"Which makes me wonder, why have we been condemned to such an arduous task. Why were we tasked at staying idle? Only to become remnants of what we once were?" Shaking his head he smirked at his fellow companions. He always seemed to irritate them whenever he spoke. Taking a large breath to speak once more, he increased his volume, as to increase the drama.

"We will raise our fists once more. The time has come to shatter the shackles that hold our power! None will stand in our wake!"

Author's Note

Was this epic or meh?