Princess Celestia Gets Mugged

by BronyWriter

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna
Length: 18139

Princess Celestia disguises herself as a younger mare and goes for a walk around Canterlot where she promptly gets mugged. Now on EqD.

Princess Celestia, tired of the constant pressure that ruling a nation puts on her, decides to take a day off and let Luna take her responsibilities for a day, something the younger alicorn is more than happy to do. She disguises herself as a pink maned pegasus pony named Sunny Skies and decides to go walking around Canterlot without any supervision. Unfortunately for her, not all parts of Canterlot are as safe as the palace, and she finds herself at the wrong end of a gang of muggers, who decide to kidnap her for a ransom when they see how much money she has on her.

Luna freaks out.

Celestia thinks it's hilarious.

Find this story and more in a print copy! Just click these words here!

Featured on Equestria Daily 8/15/13

Go here for the French translation!

[img]http://i.imgur.com/CUBPvKI.png[/img]

Edited wonderfully by sqarishoctagon and Cloud Hop

Updated cover art by Dominatore

Published 2013-04-30 19:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-25 16:41:55 UTC

A Royal Ransom

"And so, your highness, that is why we must spend the tax surplus on the new Canterlot hoofball fields! It would draw in additional revenue and increase our city's splendor twenty-fold!"

Princess Celestia sat on her throne during another round of the day court, listening to stuffy nobles arguing once more about who should get what money and what they should do with it. At the moment, the delegate from the noble Striker house in Canterlot was asking her for money to renovate the hoofball fields, despite the fact that the stadium was less than five years old already.

The rival Shores family from Manehattan wasn't exactly happy about that.

"If you use that money for the hoofball stadium, where will we get funds to throw this year’s garden parties and galas?" the Shore family representative retorted. "The stadium is already the finest in the land. We need to impress dignitaries with our social gatherings!"

Celestia opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by a snort from the Striker representative. "You hardly need the amount we're talking about to throw your parties. This is one of the most important things that this money could possibly be used for!"

The Shores representative let out his own little humorless, condescending chuckle. "Of course you may think that. You know, if you're stupid."

Celestia's eyes widened at the insult, and she stood up from her throne with her wings flared. "There is no need for such talk in my—"

To her surprise, the nobles actually ignored her. They kept on arguing like schoolfoals to the point where Celestia was pretty sure that it was going to come to blows. The two of them were in each other's faces and practically screaming at the top of their lungs. Celestia growled and resisted the urge to use the Royal Canterlot Voice for the first time since being startled by a prank that Luna had pulled last week.

"If your family wasn't so ridiculous then maybe you'd actually see what the real issues of today are." The Shores representative 'harrumphed' and stuck his nose in the air. "I pity those who are actually so blind that they think that hoofball stadiums are an issue that needs to be addressed."

The representative for the Striker family flared his nostrils and took an aggressive step forward. "Oh yeah? Well why don't you just go take a long walk off a short pier?"

That was it. That was crossing the line for her.

One of Celestia's main rules in her courtroom was that the arguing parties had to treat each other with respect and dignity, not argue like foals. Of course, if they were going to act like foals then they were to be treated as such. Celestia fired up her horn, and her magic glow instantly encased itself around one of the ears of both representatives. She began dragging them out of the courtroom by said appendage.

"If you cannot behave like nobility, then you will be treated like children!" She snapped, sparing no scrap of authority in her voice.

She dragged the whimpering nobles towards the door and tossed them out of her courtroom right in front of the waiting line of ponies that had come to see her next. "Next time the two of you come to the castle for a banquet, neither of you shall receive dessert."

The entire crowd of ponies waiting gasped and the two representatives looked at her in utter shock. Given the Princess' fondness for cake, a rescinding of dessert was no light matter. Everypony present knew it.

Celestia sighed and turned to the waiting line of ponies. "The Solar Court will reconvene in one hour."

With that, Celestia walked back into the throne room and gently closed the door behind her. Once she was certain that she was alone, she sat down on her haunches in the middle of the throne room and began rubbing her temples. In truth, those two were just the latest in a long string of bickering nobles demanding her resources for some egotistical project while mocking the lower-class ponies who requested necessities. Their grating, snobbish voices would have given her a headache if alicorns weren't immune to such things. Still, she could massage away her metaphorical one as long as she liked.

With a sigh, she stood up and trotted out of the throne room, a tad unsure of what to do with her hour now that she thought on it. The petitioners would certainly just stand in line for the hour, so there was no real need to worry about them. They would still be there when she came back. That almost irked the sun goddess. She wished that she could just have one day off. One day where she went and did whatever the feather she wanted to; consequences be damned! She had not had such a day since she was a filly. Even the visits to Twilight and the other Elements were always filled with pomp and circumstance, not to mention a great deal of stress from her student, which meant that she could never truly relax.

Celestia shook her head sadly as she pushed her way into the royal kitchens. Some cake would help her out for sure. It almost always did. She smiled when she saw Kneaded Dough, her head pastry chef, hard at work rolling out the dough necessary for some pie to be served at an upcoming dinner party that, as usual, she would prefer not to attend.

Kneaded Dough looked up from his pie crust when Celestia walked in, flashed her a smile, and tilted his head as a sort of bow. "Good afternoon, Princess. What brings you down from the Solar Court?"

"Irritation." Celestia sighed and looked at the floor. "You know how those stuffy nobles can be. I postponed the court for an hour to give myself time to relax before I need to go face the timberwolves again. They can be occasionally difficult."

"Occasionally?" Kneaded Dough snorted. "Princess Celestia, if I may be so blunt, they only serve themselves and not the ponies. Every moment awake goes to improving their wonderfully privileged lives."

"I have often had similar thoughts." Celestia tilted her head in a sort of shrug. "Though not all of them are so bad."

"True." Kneaded Dough clicked his tongue and grabbed a rolling pin. "But philanthropists like Fancypants are few and far between." The pastry chef shook his head. "It's the common-folk who make Equestria great, not the nobility."

Celestia couldn't have missed the sarcasm in that last word if she tried, but she was rather inclined to agree nonetheless. Still, she had come down here to get away from that. She did not want to discuss it more. "Am I correct in assuming that you have some cake that I could partake in? I think it would serve me well."

Her heart sank as Kneaded Dough grimaced and shook his head. "I'm afraid not, Princess. Your sister took the last of it not ten minutes ago."

Celestia raised her eyebrow and cocked her head. "Luna is awake? I did not know."

"I'm not totally sure why either." Kneaded Dough shrugged and began sprinkling flour on the counter. "It's not my place to question what she does."

Celestia nodded and turned her head towards the servant's exit of the kitchen. It was the most direct route to the dining room from where she was. "I suppose neither of us should, but it would be fitting if I conversed with her. She must have a reason to be up and about."

Celestia said her goodbyes to Kneaded Dough and exited through the servant's exit. In a few short moments she found herself opening the door to the dining hall, where she saw her sister sitting at the table with her back to her. "Ah, have you arrived to replenish my supply of cider?" Luna ignited her horn and levitated her goblet. "My cup is not yet drained, but you may do so if you wish to."

Celestia silently giggled at her sister's ignorance of whom she addressed. She walked right behind her and leaned in next to her ear. "It would benefit you to look before you speak, Lulu."

Luna jumped out of her chair so fast that she almost hit the ceiling. She stumbled around as she tried to disconnect herself from the fallen chair, something that triggered laughter from her sister. "Tia! I was unaware that you used the servant's entrance to this hall!"

Celestia smirked and used her magic to right the chair that Luna had fallen out of. "It was the quickest way here once I heard from Kneaded Dough that you were awake and eating cake." Celestia smile faded when she spotted a half-eaten slice of vanilla raspberry cake on the table. "May I ask why?"

Luna shrugged as the two sisters took seats at the table. "It is something I have wished for a while, sister. I have not truly had a day where I see what is going on during such times." Luna picked up her fork and motioned to one of the castle windows. "I thought that I might explore Canterlot to see the goings on of our subjects. I thought to maybe even visit Twilight Sparkle and her friends in Ponyville for a casual visit."

"If you do then I wish you luck on making the visit as casual as you hope." Celestia sighed as she remembered her last "casual visit" to Ponyville. "It pains me that a surprise visit is the best way to achieve such an endeavor."

Luna snorted and took a bite of cake. "Yes, I have heard that they prefer to make a spectacle of all of your visits. I assume that you do not waste your breath trying to halt their efforts?"

"It would only confuse them," Celestia grumbled. She rested her forelegs on the table and laid her head on them. "I envy you and your trip, sister. The day court has been particularly taxing today."

Luna cocked her head and pushed away the empty plate in front of her. She reached out and gently touched her sister's shoulder. "Well then, it would please me if you took a day off in my stead. I can handle matters in the day court for one day. It would be good experience for me in my own court, would it not?"

Celestia's raised her head, and she elevated an eyebrow. "I'm not sure I could ask you to do that. You woke up to have a day off. Far be it from me to take that from you."

"Nonsense, Tia," Luna replied with a wave of her hoof. "It would do you well, and make me glad if you found the time to relax for a change. Equestria shall not fall should you choose to take a personal day." A smirk crossed Luna's face. "If you were a member of a corporation, you would have saved up well over three thousand of them, given the span of your service to Equestria. I used up all of mine on the moon."

Celestia sat up and began to shake her head. "Lulu, I can't ask—"

"If you are unwilling to take a personal day, I can always make sure that there is a woeful cake deficit whenever you require some." Luna crossed her forelegs. "Life will continue for one day without you. Go enjoy yourself, Tia."

For the first time that day, a genuine smile crossed Celestia's face. "Well, if you insist. I would like that very much."

Luna returned Celestia's smile and patted her on the shoulder. "Then enjoy the day that you have brought about, sister. You have earned it."

* * * *

Being the Princess of the Sun and the sole monarch of Equestria for a thousand years, Celestia had a very specific image that she upheld when in the public eye. It did her little ponies good, and gave them courage when they saw her as a regal, unshakable rock that could protect them from anything. She was seen as everlasting just by her aura. It would have confused her ponies to see her giddily bouncing around her room like a schoolfilly on her first day of school while throwing a few items into a rarely used saddlebag.

Having said all of that, the princess' smile would likely have been infectious to any who saw it, no matter what their mood. It was rare that Celestia exhibited childlike glee, but she found it relaxing and refreshing once in a while. She rued that she could not have days like this more often, but Equestria came first. Still, if Luna was willing to grant her this opportunity, who was she to refuse her?

Celestia finished packing her saddlebag with her exceptionally well supplied coin purse and used her magic to secure the final strap on her back. Excellent. The supplies were ready. Now for the disguise. She couldn't very well go out looking like herself. She'd never get a peaceful moment.

Once more, Celestia fired up her horn and a wave of pure magical energy washed over her. Her pure white coat dulled ever so slightly so that it had a grayer tinge to it, as opposed to the nearly blinding white she was known for. Her tall, imposing body shrunk to the point where she was barely taller than her student. As the glow passed over her cutie mark, it faded away to be replaced by a less ornate version. The most startling change, however, was her mane. Instead of the flowing technicolor waves, it seemed to recede back into her head. The color became more solid as it did, leaving her with shoulder-length pink hair.

Princess Celestia smiled and turned to a nearby mirror. The disguise was perfect, as usual. She had not had the chance to use it in over fifty years, which meant that nopony who saw her would recognize it. She giggled to herself, and with one more burst of magic, her horn seemed to fade away until the pony that was once the Princess of the Sun was nothing more than a slightly tall pegasus pony. She took a deep breath and nodded. This would be a wonderful day.

* * * *

Princess Celestia trotted out of her castle. She let the warm feeling wash over her, warming her body in a way that it usually didn't when she was in her normal form. With a flutter of her wings, she left the castle behind her, entering the city proper.

However, she came across a singular problem: she didn't know what to do with her day. As she had considered before, Twilight, and Ponyville in general, seemed out of the question, and she didn't want to waste her day by spending most of it traveling. No, she would have to stay in Canterlot if she was to maximize her free time.

As she thought on it more, she realized that she had not been to Doughnut Joe's in nearly a year. That stallion made the best darned crullers she had ever had the pleasure of tasting. Even the best pastry chefs in her castle hadn't quite gotten the recipe right. As such, she was only able to have the pastry once in a great while. Now that she was free to do as she wished for the day, that was the best place to start.

With a new spring in her step, Celestia bounced in the direction of the doughnut shop. Visions of crullers danced in her royal brain, and her mouth watered at the thought of the tasty delights yet to come.

As she walked towards the doughnut shop, she noticed there was a pony who seemed rather out of place walking behind her. In a contrast to the rather fine clothing that the Canterlot elite wore, this pony was wearing what seemed to be tattered rags thrown together. This pony had clearly fallen on hard times and seemed as if he had not eaten in quite a while. He looked pathetic enough that Celestia briefly considered buying this pony something from the doughnut shop, just as a kindness to him.

As she walked, the pony quickened his trot, and once he was close enough, he called out to her in a voice that was as weak as his looks would indicate. "Please, good madam, I need your help."

Celestia turned around, eyes widened at the pony's voice. Clearly, he had fallen on harder times than she expected at first glance. "Of course! I will help in any way that I can."

The pony's shoulders visibly relaxed, and he exhaled deeply. "Oh, thank you for your kindness. My daughter was in an accident a few blocks from here! She was playing with my son and she tripped on a pothole. I think she broke her leg!"

"Take me to her at once!" Celestia flared out her wings as if to take flight to find the poor child. "I will help however I can!"

The pony grabbed Celestia's hoof in one of his own and began pulling her in the opposite direction. "Thank you! She's this way!"

The crullers forgotten, Celestia followed the pony for a few blocks. Each second that passed caused the stallion to fidget more visibly, and Celestia even thought she heard him sob once or twice. A broken leg was no small injury, and the child was surely in a lot of pain.

The stallion stopped in front of an alleyway and pointed down it. "She's this way! Hurry!"

Celestia nodded and followed the pony down the alley. As she walked down, she was surprised to see that the alley was rather short and there... didn't seem to be anypony down it. She frowned at the stallion. "Are you sure that this is the correct alleyway?"

The stallion chuckled. "Yes, I'm quite sure."

Celestia's eyes widened. The pony's voice held none of the initial weakness. It instead had far more malice behind it. She gasped when it hit her. She had been tricked. It was a revelation that she had discovered far too late.

Suddenly, she felt a magical glow encase both her and her saddlebags, preventing her escape and allowing whatever thugs had snuck up behind her to look through her saddlebags at will.

"Nice one," a mare behind her giggled. "It's wonderful how gullible these kind ponies are."

"Yeah," said the voice of a second mare. "They really... really..." The mare gasped when she pulled Celestia's rather considerable coin purse out of her saddlebag. "Colts, I think we have a noble on our hooves."

Celestia opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by the voice of a second stallion. "Lady, I think you're coming with us."

Celestia turned around and saw two mares and an additional stallion, all unicorns, grinning wildly behind her. One of the stallions had his horn ignited, and Celestia figured that he was the one trapping her wings. She raised an eyebrow at them. "And why do you think that?"

"A noble like yourself would fetch a fine ransom, don't you think?" The mare tapped her hoof on the ground and giggled. "Oh yes, your coin purse is going to be foal's play."

Celestia opened her mouth to retort that she could crush them all in an instant, but a thought crossed her mind. A wonderfully mischievous thought. She had been looking for excitement; a break from the monotony of her life. Being kidnapped by muggers certainly counted, and it would be absolutely hilarious to see Luna's reaction to the situation. It wasn't as if these muggers could hurt her anyway. She could still escape if she felt that the situation got out of hoof, not that she suspected it would.

She twisted her face into her best impression of a frightened pony and backed away. "No, please don't!" She held her hoof out to forestall their advances. "I-I'll get you as much money as you like!"

The ponies in front of her just laughed at her. "Oh, I know you will," said the second mare. "But I'm afraid that you'll be temporarily disposed while you get us your money."

Before Celestia could respond again, she felt something akin to being struck with a pillow in the back of the head. Oh, right. They're trying to knock me out.

With that knowledge, she dramatically rolled her eyes back and collapsed onto the ground. The ponies above her laughed at her once more. She barely managed to hold back a laugh of her own as she felt herself being lifted onto the backs of one of the stallions.

This will be interesting.

Author's Note

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BTW, if there are any patrons who donated to get the reward of having their name at the end of each chapter but you don't see your name here, please let me know. Patreon updated and now I can't actually see my list of patrons. Or at least, it's much harder to find for some dumb reason.

Kidnapped!

To Celestia's surprise, the journey to wherever the muggers were using as a hideout was rather short. By her count, it was only a few minutes before she felt a rush of cool air wash over her as they entered an air-conditioned building. Of course, it wasn't all good, as the building that they entered had a distinctly musky smell; something that her royal nose was admittedly not used to.

About a minute or so after they entered the building, Princess Celestia felt herself being lifted off of the stallion's back and placed down on a chair. She instantly felt thick ropes wrapping around her body, binding her to the chair, and she was thankful that necessity had dictated that she be stoic when faced with stressful situations. If she hadn't been trained as such, she would have burst out laughing right then and there.

When her kidnappers had finished tying her up, she figured that now was as good of a time as any to "wake up". Slowly, she opened her eyes and let out a groggy groan of mock pain.

As her eyes slowly opened, she was able to gauge her surroundings for the first time. The space was only lit with a singular lamp. The room itself looked to be little more than a small apartment, as there were only a few run-down beds and a minuscule table next to a tiny kitchenette in the room. Very cramped conditions for her four kidnappers. In that moment, she felt a little pity for the muggers. Clearly this was the reason they had been drawn to crime, despite Celestia's best efforts to combat poverty.

Well, it is time to fully wake up. She opened her eyes and let out a dramatic gasp, struggling weakly against her bonds. "Please let me go! I told you that I was gonna get you all of the money you wanted!"

The stallion who had led her to the alley guffawed at her and shook his head. "And we told you that we'd let you go once we got some ransom money from whatever family you belong to." The stallion's smile slowly faded and he uneasily scratched the back of his neck. "Uh... which family would that be again?"

Celestia sighed dramatically and hung her head. "It doesn't matter. They wouldn't pay my ransom even if you only asked them for one bit."

The muggers exchanged confused glances. "What do you mean?" one of the mares asked.

Celestia sniffled and she would have wiped her eyes with a wing, were she not secured to the chair. "Oh, it's positively dreadful! My father is a very cruel stallion who came to resent me after my mother died giving birth to me. My stepmother hates me just as much, if not more than my father does! She makes me clean our mansion every day!"

The lead stallion cleared his throat and put a hoof on Celestia's shoulder. "Well look, kid, I'm sure it's not that—"

"But it is!" Celestia wailed. "Do you know how mortified my unicorn father was when he found out that he had produced a pegasus? My family has been all unicorns for ages, and I broke that streak by having wings instead of a horn!"

"Oh, it can't be so bad," the other mare assured her, "I mean, you get to fly, don't you?"

Celestia shook her head. "No. Father keeps me locked in my room all day. I'm only allowed out to clean and eat out of a dog dish for the amusement of our guests."

The muggers stared at her in a stunned silence for a moment. The only sound in the apartment was that of Celestia's fake sobs until one of the muggers worked up the courage to speak. "You're messing with us, aren't you?"

Celestia sniffled and raised her head. "Huh?"

"Yeah," said the first mare, "you had me until the 'dog dish' part."

"Seriously, I think Celestia, or some authority, would know if that happened, particularly if your father entertains guests frequently," the first stallion agreed.

Celestia raised an eyebrow in surprise. Maybe they weren't as dumb as she had originally thought. She rolled her eyes and huffed. "Well it was worth a shot, wasn't it? I mean, you all just kidnapped me."

The second stallion shrugged. "I suppose so, but the fact remains that you got carried away."

"I mean, 'dog dish'?" The lead stallion snorted. "How dumb do you think we are?"

"Pretty dumb," Celestia admitted.

The lead stallion rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Well that doesn't really matter right now. What matters is where you actually come from. We need to know who to send the ransom note to!"

Celestia opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off when a roll of parchment popped into existence above them. It landed at her hooves and bounced on the floor. She groaned inwardly. Now, Twilight? You had to send me a letter now?

The second mare cocked her head in interest at the sight of the scroll, and she fired up her horn, taking the scroll in her magical grasp to unroll it.

The second stallion frowned and looked over her shoulder. "What is it?"

The mare unrolled the scroll, and began scanning the parchment.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that you can't always get what you want, even when you think you really need something. Pinkie Pie taught me that sometimes it is better to make sacrifices for your friends, even to the detriment of yourself. I must say that I have grown from this experience and look forward to sending you more friendship letters.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle."

The mare looked up from the parchment with a look of utter bewilderment on her face. "Is this some kind of joke or something? Why were you sent a letter addressed to the princess?"

For the first time that day, Celestia felt unease creep up in her stomach. They had already proved that they weren't complete morons, and if they somehow figured out that she was the Princess then she would have to cut it off now. If that happened, then Luna would never let her go out again without a tail from the guards. That would be boring, make no mistake about it. No, she really wanted to see where this would go.

She sighed and hung her head again. "Okay, do you want to know the truth?" Her kidnappers nodded. "I'm a liaison between the princess' protégé and the princess herself. I live and work at the castle."

Her kidnappers simultaneously gasped, and the lead stallion shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe it, we managed to get one of Celestia's personal servants!" He turned to his fellows and grinned. "I was thinking a five hundred-thousand-bit ransom, but what do you say we triple that?" His fellows eagerly nodded in agreement, and he turned his attention back to Celestia. "You're not going anywhere for a while."

A small grin played at Celestia's lips, despite her biting her tongue to prevent it. Oh good.

Author's Note

Join these delightful people as my patrons!
Razer Brony
Dawson Schawang
Jim Kieger
Andrew Denton
SADE789
Balnar
Canary
Jack
Po
Comma-Kazie
Not Tom

BTW, if there are any patrons who donated to get the reward of having their name at the end of each chapter but you don't see your name here, please let me know. Patreon updated and now I can't actually see my list of patrons. Or at least, it's much harder to find for some dumb reason.

Luna Finds Out

"Okay, how about this?" The first stallion cleared his throat, and lifted the ransom note into the air.

"Dear Princess Celestia, and/or Princess Luna. How's it going? Fine weather we're having today, isn't it? I suppose we have you two to thank for that. Well enough chit-chat, we're writing to you to say that we've kidnapped your servant, Sunny Skies, and we're holding her for a ransom of five million bits. If you want to see her alive and in one piece, I'd suggest you give us what we want. If we do not have the money by four o' clock this evening, we'll be forced to send you one of her ears as proof that we mean business!

Sincerely,

Us."

The second stallion raised his eyebrow at his companion. "Really? We're going to talk about the weather before we ask for the money?"

The stallion who had written the letter shrugged. "Well, just because we're demanding millions of bits, and threatening to kill her if we don't get our way, doesn't mean we can't be civil about this."

The second mare scratched the back of her neck and glanced at the letter. "Uh... well... I suppose so." Her gaze flickered up to the rest of the group. "Um... we're not actually going to do that to her, are we?"

Now it was the first stallion's turn to hesitate. He cleared his throat and looked down at the letter. "Uh... well, the way I see it, we don't really have a choice in the matter. I mean, how is anypony supposed to take us seriously if we don't keep our word?"

"I dunno," the second stallion mumbled. "It just seems a little barbaric to me."

"Be that as it may, we don't really want to show any weakness, do we?" The first stallion sighed. "If we do, they'll just let us keep her until they track us down."

"But her ear?" said the second mare, shifting where she stood. "I still don't see how that's necessary."

"Hey, I have an idea!" The second stallion giggled mischievously and rubbed his hooves together. "What if, instead of taking her ear off, we just make a mold of her ear, put some ketchup in the box, and send that! I'm sure that Princess Celestia will be too distraught to know the difference!"

"You really think that we can get a fast one past the Princess Celestia like that?" The lead stallion shook his head. "No, she'll spot the fake immediately."

The second mare opened her mouth to respond, but as she did, her face brightened to the point where Celestia was almost certain that she had seen a light bulb ignite above her head. "Guys, I think I've got it!"

"What?" the second stallion asked.

"Okay, listen to this." The second mare's smile shifted to a conspiratorial one and she leaned in next to her fellows. "How about instead of taking her ear, we could cut her mane and tail off and send that! By doing that we don't hurt her, but we also show that we mean business!"

The effect on the other three was almost immediate, and a look of utter relief washed over all of their faces.

"That's a wonderful idea," the second stallion said. "You think up some excellent ideas sometimes, Ju—"

Instantly the mare squeaked and shoved her hoof into the mouth of her fellow kidnapper. "Don't say my name! If she manages to get out, she can just tell the guards what our names are! We're finished for sure if she does that!" Her face hardened into a glare. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a dungeon, do you?"

The stallion vigorously shook his head, and spat the mare's hoof out. "Good catch!" He tapped his jaw with his hoof. "So, should we use code names or something?"

The other three ponies gasped in excitement and nodded. "Yes!" the first stallion cried. "Code names are an excellent idea!"

"But what should they be?" the second mare questioned. "Should they be objects, or colors, or what?"

"Colors sounds good to me." A wide smile split the first stallion's face and he puffed out his chest. "I have a dictionary around here somewhere."

The stallion fired up his horn and levitated a large green book over to the group. "I think they even have a section in the back for weird colors." He flipped the book open to a page near the back and scanned the contents. "Yeah, here it is. I shall be Mr. Nacarat!"

The second stallion looked over Mr. Nacarat's shoulder and read the page himself. "The name Mr. Xanadu appeals to me."

The first mare snorted at her fellow kidnappers' names and condescendingly shook her head. "You boys are unimaginative twats, you know that?" She took the book out of Mr. Nacarat's grasp. "We can do much better."

Mr. Nacarat frowned. "Oh yeah? Well let's see you try!"

"I will," the first mare retorted with a grin. She flipped to another page "I shall be Ms. Razzmatazz!"

"A good choice." The second mare took the book herself. "I think Ms. Fallow suits me best!"

"Then it's settled," said Mr. Nacarat slamming his hoof on the ground again. "We all have our code names and will refer to each other as such."

"This is so awesome!" Ms. Razzmatazz giggled to herself in a rather foal-like manner. "It's like we're secret agents or spies or something!"

"Our hostage will never be able to identify us now." Mr. Xanadu leaned his foreleg against the wall. "Unless the royal guard itself knocks down our door, we'll get away scot-free thanks to our genius names!"

Princess Celestia, who was biting her tongue so hard to keep herself from laughing that she would have drawn blood were she not an alicorn, had no choice but to speak up at the antics of her captors. "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. I already know what you all look like."

The four ponies all gasped as they realized she was right, and Ms. Razzmatazz levitated a sheet over to her. "Quick, we gotta blindfold her before she remembers our faces!"

Celestia snorted. "Oh, it's too late for that. I only needed to see you once to remember what you look like. I have quite the memory."

Ms. Razzmatazz's grip on the sheet faded, and it fluttered down to the floor as she realized that Celestia was correct. "Well shoot."

Mr. Nacarat cleared his throat once more, and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. W-we'll get the money from the princesses, and then we'll go to Manehattan to hide out until this blows over. I have a friend who runs a tavern in the lower-east side who can hide us until then."

Were she not tied up, Celestia would have given the crooks the double facehoof to end all double facehooves. It was getting to the point where she wasn't sure if she should be laughing at them or feeling sorry for them.

Mr. Nacarat glanced back over to the ransom note and levitated it over to himself. "Well, there's no sense beating around the bush. We need to send this to the Princesses if we're going to make sure that we get our money."

His fellows all grunted in agreement, and he trotted out of the room to deliver the letter. Celestia almost wished that she wasn't tied down. She would have loved to follow him to see how he delivered the letter without getting caught.

* * * *

Princess Luna stretched out her wings as the last of the nobles exited the day court before her lunch break. In truth she could see why her sister despised this duty. She had not heard such incessant whining and bickering since she was but a foal herself, fighting with her sister over some trinket. She leaned her head against the backrest of her throne and rubbed her temples. It was time for a nice bowl of celery soup.

However, before she could exit the courtroom, the double doors that made up the entrance burst open. No less than four royal guards marched into the room, dragging an unfortunate unicorn stallion in hoofcuffs between them. Luna cocked her head, and walked over to meet them. "Sergeant, what is the matter here?"

The royal guards threw the stallion to the floor, and one of them levitated a piece of parchment into the air. "This stallion came to the front gates to deliver this. I read it and had him arrested at once."

Luna frowned and sat up. "What information does the parchment hold that would warrant his arrest?"

The sergeant sighed. "It's best if you see for yourself."

Curious, Luna took the parchment in her own telekinetic grasp and turned it so that the writing faced her. "Dear Princess Celestia, and/or Princess Luna. How's it going? Fine weather we're having today, isn't it? I suppose we have you two to thank for that. Well enough chit-chat, we're..." Luna finished the note silently, but once the message on it became clear she widened her eyes and gasped.

Kidnapped.

Sunny Skies.

Ransom.

Five million bits!

"Tia," she whispered.

Luna exhaled deeply and began pacing back and forth. Tia, how could this happen to thee? Do they have some power unknown to us? What nefarious purpose would they have with five million bits?

Luna shook her head to clear it. No, I cannot think as such. Get Tia back now. Get details later.

Luna turned her furious gaze to the prisoner between her guards. She took a menacing step forward, her eyes burning white with utter fury. In truth she would have destroyed the pony on the spot if it weren't for inconvenient details such as 'due process' and 'he knows where Tia is.'

When she was close enough, Luna leaned in so that her nose was almost touching the shaking muzzle of the prisoner. "Where. Is. Tia?" she growled with a level of menace that she had not had since Nightmare Moon.

The shaking stallion desperately tried to scuffle away, but he was held back by the royal guards surrounding him. Realizing there was no escape for him, he managed to stutter out one terrified word. "Who?"

Luna opened her mouth to give the pony the best version of the point blank Royal Canterlot Voice that she could, but she remembered that the note had said 'Sunny Skies'. The hoodlums who were holding her sister likely didn't realize just who they had kidnapped. Luna cleared her throat and tried again. "Where. Is. Sunny. Skies?"

The stallion continued shaking, but he took a shaky breath and steeled himself for an answer. "I th-thought that th-the note was c-c-clear!" He gulped and took a deep breath. "G-give us th-the bits a-and we'll l-let her go!"

Luna's left eye and ear twitched as she fought back the urge to reduce this pony to nothing more than a stain on the carpet, but she kept her resolve... and her anger. "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DISCOVER WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A THREE-LEGGED, DAISY-HEADED TORTOISE?!" Luna slammed her hoof down on the ground mere inches away from the prisoner's foreleg. "YOU WOULD DO WELL TO RELAY THE INFORMATION I REQUIRE POSTHASTE!"

Instead of responding to her "request" with the answer like any reasonable pony would, the prisoner fainted dead away, his head hitting the floor with a loud 'thud'.

Seeing that she was unlikely to get anything more out of him for the time being, Luna commanded the guards to take him down to the dungeons. She simultaneously mused that the Royal Canterlot Voice might not be the most effective interrogation technique. Indeed, in the future she figured that it might be better to use tickling with feathers, or whatever other forms of draconian tortures that her sister had favored in her absence.

Author's Note

Before you ask, yes, those are all real colors.

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Dreamwalker

Celestia licked her lips in anticipation, and Mr. Xanadu cracked his neck. The two, and indeed the remaining kidnappers, were locked in an epic battle of skill, wit, and dominance. The slightest wrong move, the slightest sign of weakness, and the whole thing could come crashing down as an opponent completely cleaned up.

Mr. Xanadu looked Celestia dead in the eye, and cleared his throat. "Ms. Skies..."

Celestia smiled and fluttered her eyelashes. "Yes?"

The stallion looked down at his cards. "Do you have any threes?"

Celestia looked down at her own cards, which were helpfully being held up for her by Ms. Razzmatazz. "I'm sorry, but Go Fish."

Mr. Xanadu groaned and levitated a card from the deck in front of him. He sighed and put it in his collection. "I don't have any luck today, do I?"

Celestia lightly snickered then looked down at her own cards. "Well it's my turn, I guess." She frowned slightly and scanned her opponents for a moment. "Ms. Fallow, you wouldn't happen to have any princesses in your possession, would you?"

Ms. Fallow grimaced. "Yeah, but I only have one." She slid a single card towards Celestia. Her face split into a wide grin, and she nodded to Ms. Razzmatazz, who promptly placed Celestia's four remaining cards on the table.

"That's four of a kind!" Celestia smiled and bumped shoulders with Ms. Razzmatazz as a replacement for a high-hoof. "I'm out."

Her opponents groaned in defeat and threw their own cards on the table. "I only needed one more seven and one more six!" Ms. Fallow huffed. She glanced over at the cards of Mr. Xanadu. "And just my luck, you had them both!"

"Well, ladies and gentlecolt, that was a fun game." Celestia shifted in her seat to get a little more comfortable. "Would you like another round, or would something more challenging be of interest to you?"

Mr. Xanadu gathered up the cards and began shuffling them. "What do you have in mind?"

Celestia chuckled in a manner that reminded her of a Con Mane villain. "Does poker sound appealing to you?"

Immediately the faces of all three ponies brightened and they eagerly nodded. "Yeah! We can use the money we got from you as betting currency!" said Ms. Fallow.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea." Mr. Xanadu levitated the bag of bits that the group had taken from Celestia during her kidnapping and began dealing out the stacks to the individual players. Celestia thanked her captor while Ms. Razzmatazz dealt each pony five cards.

* * * *

Princess Luna took a deep breath as she sat down in front of the cell holding one of her sister's captors. The unicorn was still passed out, and now he was resting in one of the palace's jail cells. Luna glared and a growl played at her lips. "Soon your secrets will be mine."

After relaxing her body a little more, Luna ignited her horn and closed her eyes. She let a blanket of pure magic fall over her. She reached out with her consciousness and scanned the immediate area for any life forms around her. Given her proximity to the prisoner, it was naught but a second until she sensed his presence, and she reached out to connect her magic to his subconscious. She would find his dreams there.

The instant her magic touched his mind, she felt something akin to being pulled forwards by a great force, and when the feeling ceased, she opened her eyes to find herself in what appeared to be a palace. She frowned, but mused that it was not unusual for ponies to have dreams of grandeur. Of course, he could be dreaming that he was a servant.

She extended a bit more of her magic until she was disguised as a dark blue unicorn. Given the reason the hoodlum was unconscious in the first place, it would likely benefit her cause if she wasn't interrogating him as herself. She could catch more flies with cake than promises of incineration.

Luna quickly limbered up, then trotted down the hall towards what seemed to be two large doors guarded by two stoic unicorn ponies in heavy armor. To Luna's surprise, they both smiled when she approached. "Ah, you're here," said the one on the left. "Go on in, he's waiting for you."

Luna raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You are the escort that Prince Nacarat ordered, are you not?” the second guard asked.

Luna opened her mouth to insist that she was no common mare of the evening, but she remembered that she was technically in disguise for the interrogation, so she might as well play along. She could quickly turn this dream into a nightmare if it got too out of hoof.

Doing her best to hold back the urge to vomit, she gave both of the guards her best seductive expression. "Why of course I am," she cooed. "I shall go in at once to... see Prince Nacarat."

The guards inclined their heads in a slight bow and the one on the left pushed the door open for her. Luna thanked him and walked in, sticking her tongue out in disgust once she knew they couldn't see her.

Sighing to herself, Luna began walking across the room. On the other side was a large, golden throne encrusted with every kind of gem she could imagine. On said throne reclined the hoodlum who had taken her sister. She had to hold back more feelings of disgust when she saw that he was flanked by two mares, one of whom was fanning him with a palm branch, while the other fed him grapes right off the stem. She fought the urge to facehoof as she stopped in front of the throne.

The stallion looked up when he heard her approach and grinned at the Luna. "Ah, you're here!" With a wave of his hoof, the two mares next to him bowed and exited the room. The stallion sat up in his throne and beckoned Luna a few steps closer. "So, you're the mare that they sent for my... entertainment."

Luna once more fought the urge to obliterate the insolent fool, but she forced a smile on her face. "Yes. I have been sent to do whatever it is you... desire and..." Her charade faltered ever so slightly as the stallion's grin widened with her every word. "I was... uh..." She growled to herself. "Tia, the things I do for you."

The stallion chuckled and hopped off of his throne. "You must be new." Luna grumbled something very unprincess-like to herself as the stallion walked up to her. "Well let's go somewhere private, shall we? I'll help you out."

The stallion beckoned Luna towards a back room, and Luna followed. She promised to order his execution the moment she had the information she needed, but for now the charade would need to be upheld. She rued that forcibly reading his mind would be unethical.

The stallion threw the doors of the back room open, revealing a room almost as large as Luna's room in the castle. The one defining feature, though, was that every square inch of the floor was covered in plush pillows that admittedly looked quite comfortable. Nacarat sat down on one of the pillows and indicated that Luna should do the same.

Luna placed herself two pillows away from him. "I suppose you wish to be intimate now, yes?" she deadpanned.

To Luna's surprise, the large grin that the stallion had sported to this point faded into a look of embarrassment. "Ah, yes... that." He looked uneasily at the ground and scratched the back of his neck. "See... I was kinda hoping you knew more about that." His eyes shot up and he held a hoof to forestall Luna's response. "N-not that I don't know what... that is! It's just that..."

Luna actually did facehoof that time. In fact, she double-facehooved him. "You are joking. You must be joking."

"Well, no," the stallion admitted, "but if you don't want to because I don't know that's cool too. We can do other stuff."

Luna removed her hooves from her face and glared at him. "Oh? What do you suggest, hmm?"

The stallion's smile returned full force at the question, and he bounded over to her and literally pushed her onto her back. Before she could obliterate him, he placed one of his hooves on her belly and began rubbing.

"How... how dare you place your hooves on me in such a manner?!" Luna sputtered. "I demand that you cease giving me a belly rub at once!"

The stallion chuckled, but did not stop. "It's okay, I used to be a professional masseur. I know what I'm doing."

"That matters not!" Luna snapped. "You shalt take your... your..." Luna's protests were cut off when a wave of relaxation hit her, and the condemning words she was going to say died in her throat. "Oh."

The stallion smirked at her. "Again, I used to be a professional masseur. When you get tired of this, just let me know and I'll give you one of my Equestria-famous back rubs, okay?"

"That... that..." Luna inwardly groaned as all thoughts of her mission drained away. "Me dammit."

Author's Note

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A Hint of a Location

When Princess Luna finally exited the mind of the stallion four hours later, after some of the best massage therapy she had ever experienced, it was with mixed feelings. On one hoof, she still wasn't any closer to finding her sister. On the other, those massages... her shoulders hadn't felt so good in years.

She smiled dumbly at the unconscious stallion before her. Normally, the fact that it was fear that had knocked him out would only leave him down for an hour at most, but with his skills, Luna had used some of her magic to make sure that he stayed down long enough to finish his massage.

Of course, there was still the major issue of the fact that she still didn't know where her sister was! Her smile faded, and she thunked the side of her head for letting personal pleasures get in the way of locating Celestia. "How foolish and selfish of me," Luna muttered. "I did not ask him about Tia once."

Before the Luna could do anything more, she heard the door to the dungeon open. She turned to the door and saw Captain Shining Armor trot down the stairs towards her. She gave him a slight nod, and he returned it with a small bow. "Any luck, Princess?"

Luna sighed and shook her head. "It would seem that the rogue hast been taught mind blocking techniques from whatever conspiracy group employed his services!" She scratched her lower jaw thoughtfully and peered at the prisoner. "I may have to use more... unorthodox methods to obtain the information we require."

Luna turned to Shining Armor with the intent of acquiring his opinion, but she was surprised to see him looking suspiciously at her. His eyes were narrowed and he was clenching his jaw as though he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. Luna cocked her head. "Has an issue arisen?" Shining Armor bit his lip and scratched one of his forelegs uneasily. Luna scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Permission to speak freely granted."

"Well..." Shining Armor cleared his throat. "I'm having a little trouble buying that he can mentally block you."

Luna raised an eyebrow. "You doubt the truth of my statements?"

"Yep." Shining Armor trotted over to the bars and examined the stallion behind them. "I'm having a little trouble believing that a stallion so dumb that that he personally delivered the ransom note to the palace has the brain power to block the pony who raises the moon every night and whose dream-walking spells are the stuff of legends."

Luna puffed out her chest. "I have never failed to get a dream confession!"

"And you want your record to be blemished by him?"

Instantly Luna's smug demeanor deflated, and with it, the lies. "I do not wish to relay what took place in his dreams. It is a matter between him and I."

Shining Armor raised an eyebrow and the first traces of a smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth. Luna scoffed and stepped backwards. "Take your mind and remove it from the gutter, Captain! My interactions are private." Luna narrowed her eyes and leaned in. "As is this conversation unless you wishe to have the soldiers under your command made aware of the games you play with your bride in the middle of the night."

Shining Armor's nostrils flared and his stance became more dominant, yet slightly fearful at the same time. "Hey, Candyland is a fun game. It was Cadance's favorite when she was growing up!"

"Be that as it may, must you squee like a schoolfoal when you reach Princess Lolly?"

Shining Armor groaned and waved a hoof in defeat. "Okay, okay, I won't tell anybody." The captain turned his gaze back to the prisoner. "Still, it would be best to interrogate him somehow. He is still our best bet of finding Princess Celestia."

Luna sighed and nodded. "You speak the truth. I shall awaken him and let you attempt to secure a confession. I am..." Luna hesitated. "Biased, and I fear it would affect our attempts."

Shining Armor rolled his eyes as Luna fired up her horn to wake Mr. Nacarat up. "Whatever you say, Princess. Whatever you say."

* * * *

Poker had gone as well as Celestia could have hoped. She had won back a good portion of her bits within an hour or so. She now sat in front of Mr. Xanadu, the only remaining player, with a grin on her face. The stallion in question still had a fair amount of bits left himself, but Celestia had been chiseling his winnings away as the hours had passed on.

Princess Celestia shifted in her chair and motioned for Ms. Razzmatazz to deal the cards once more. The mare dealt both parties five cards and pushed three bits in for the starting round. She lifted up Celestia's cards and fanned them out so she could see them. Ace of clubs, princess of clubs, nine of diamonds, four of clubs, and queen of spades.

Celestia's eyes flickered up at Mr. Xanadu, hoping to gauge his reaction to his cards, but he had a surprisingly good poker face. She mused that that was probably the only reason that he was still in the game, as the others... weren't. Ms. Fallow literally squealed in delight whenever she got as much as a pair of threes.

No. Focus. Win back the bits and then see what they do with that, thought Celestia. She whispered in Ms. Razzmatazz's ear to indicate which cards she wanted switched out, and received three new ones, while Mr. Xanadu received two. Celestia stared blankly at her cards, but was surprised to hear Mr. Xanadu speak.

"All in."

Celestia looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. Did he seriously...? She shrugged and nodded to Ms. Razzmatazz. "Put the equal amount in. I call."

Ms. Razzmatazz nodded. "Whatever you say, Ms. Skies." She pushed the proper amount into the pile. "Okay, show 'em, Mr. Xanny."

"Xanadu," he corrected. He glanced back down at his cards. "Erm... can I actually take that back?"

Celestia chuckled. "No, it's too late now. What do you have?"

Mr. Xanadu bit his lip nervously, but he slowly placed his cards down on the table. Pair of tens.

Celestia snorted and had Ms. Razzmatazz place her own cards on the table. "Pair of princesses. I win."

Mr. Xanadu groaned and the rest of the party cheered Celestia's victory. Ms. Razzmatazz scooped the bits into Celestia's coin purse. "Nicely done, Ms. Skies. Winning on a pair of princesses." She turned her head to Mr. Xanadu. "Must be pretty embarrassing."

Before Mr. Xanadu could respond, Ms. Fallow let out a loud gasp and shot to her hooves. "Princesses! We haven't heard back from Mr. Nacarat with the Princess' answer!"

"Oh yeah, we were doing something like that, weren't we?" said Ms. Razzmatazz. "Huh, what a thing to forget."

"Well if he isn't back, what do you think that means?" Mr. Xanadu frowned and stood up from the table. "Should we sit and wait for him, or should we do something else?"

"He's been gone for six hours!" Ms. Razzmatazz pointed out. "If he was going to be back, he would have already been back." She shook her head and stood up. "No, I think we need to come up with a contingency plan."

"Like what?" asked Ms. Fallow.

"I think the best course of action is to take Sunny Skies somewhere else." Ms. Razzmatazz placed the coin purse back in Celestia's saddlebag and slung it over her shoulder. "Mr. Nacarat can't turn us in if he doesn't know where we are!"

"An excellent suggestion," said Mr. Xanadu. "We could take her to my mom's place a few blocks from here. She's vacationing in Las Pegasus."

"Good." Ms. Razzmatazz sighed. "Look, Ms. Skies, I'm really sorry to have to do this to you again but... you know."

Celestia once more felt the pillow feeling on the back of her head. She once more dramatically fainted, letting her body completely relax. She soon felt the ropes around her slide off, and she was gently levitated onto the floor. She once more felt ropes tighten over her as her captors bound her legs together.

"You know, if we keep knocking her out, we might really hurt her," Ms. Fallow pointed out. "Maybe something a little less dangerous next time, yeah?"

"She's right," said Mr. Xanadu. "If we actually do hurt her bad, we'd get a lot worse than jail time for robbery and kidnapping. This is one of Celestia's most trusted servants!"

Celestia heard Ms. Razzmatazz grunt in agreement. "I suppose you're right. If there's a next time, we'll just hijack a taxi or something. That'll be easier and safer for all of us." The others voiced their agreement and Ms. Razzmatazz fired up her horn. "Okay, let's wrap her in this sheet. Nopony will see us move her if we do."

* * * *

Princess Luna was reclining in her room, reading the copy of Pinkie Pie's diary that she had made when she last visited Ponyville, when she heard a loud knock on her door. She sighed and marked her spot. "Enter."

The door opened and Shining Armor walked in with a smug smile on his face. "We got it."

Luna tossed the diary aside and stood up. "Where is my sister?"

"They took her to an old apartment complex a few blocks from Doughnut Joe's place." He beckoned Luna to follow him. "Apparently they nabbed her in an alley about half a block from that."

"We must sally forth and re-obtain my sister with all speed! Assemble your finest soldiers to aid in the retrieval." Shining Armor nodded and signaled to two nearby stallions who saluted and ran off. "Did that ruffian give you any more information?"

Shining Armor shook his head. "Nothing relevant. He and his group, didn't say how large it is, don't know that they have Princess Celestia, so that can only be good. I didn't get much more than that."

"It matters not," said Luna with a wave of her hoof. "I shall deal with such matters when we have reclaimed my sister and put an end to those ruffians who took her!"

"What are you planning on doing to them?" Shining Armor looked over at his assembling troops. "I mean, it's unlikely that they've hurt her at all."

"Kidnapping a princess holds only one punishment: death." A scowl crossed Luna's face. "It matters not how blatantly idiotic those foals are. It is still against all of our most sacred laws to kidnap the pony who raises the sun." Luna shook her head. "They shall die soon after their capture."

"Huh, I'm surprised that kidnapping a princess has come up enough to warrant its own law." Shining Armor shrugged. "Should we execute the one we have now?" Despite everything, Shining Armor had to hold back a smirk. "He was just as responsible for everything and I think we've gotten everything out of him that we can."

"On the other hoof, it would be barbaric to execute them without a fair trial," said Luna quickly. "Some of those old laws are barbaric, and perhaps there is some aspect of the case we are unaware of."

"If you say so, Princess." Shining Armor chuckled. "A fair trial it is. Should we start on his now or wait until we have all of them?"

Luna scowled. "We shall wait! He is in no state to endure a trial. It would be unjust of us to force one upon him now."

Before Shining Armor could respond, a page darted towards Luna and sank to his knees in a hasty bow. "P-Princess Luna, there's been an issue!"

Luna frowned. "Well, out with your message!"

"Of course, your majesty." The page cleared his throat and pointed back towards the castle. "Uh, there is a group of nobles in the courtroom as we speak. They are demanding to speak with Princess Celestia at once. I'm not sure what about, but I know she's taking the day off and I figured that it would be best if you handled it."

Luna glanced at the palace and let out a low groan before looking over at Shining Armor. The captain sighed. "It's okay, Princess. We've got this."

"'It is not that I am worried about." Luna rubbed one of her temples. "Those nobles can be... childlike."

"I know, but just remember that you're the one in control in the situation, not them."

Luna slowly nodded. "Very well. Lead the way."

The page bowed once more and led Luna back towards the throne room. Shining Armor watched her go, almost wanting to play a round of Taps for her, but she didn't need to hear that. Instead he turned to his soldiers with a determined look in his eyes. "Okay, mares and gentlecolts, you all know the mission." Shining Armor began pacing back and forth. "Today we rescue Princess Celestia from kidnappers! If all goes well, then I'll be buying the cider tonight!" The captain stopped in his tracks and turned to face his guards. "If it doesn't, then Iron Hoof shall be buying the cider."

"Oh, come on!" cried a guard in the back row.

Shining Armor shrugged. "Hey, I'm not the one who gets a large alimony check. If you didn't want to buy the cider for failed missions, then you should have lost in court when you got divorced." Shining Armor shook his head and waved his hoof. "But that's not important right now. What's more important is that we go get the princess!"

The collective guards cheered and raised their hooves into the air. Shining Armor levitated his helmet onto his head and pointed in the direction of the castle gates. "Let's do this!"

Author's Note

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The "Nobility"

Princess Luna walked into the throne room and was horrified to see a group of no less than six representatives from the nearby noble families in Canterlot. She managed to hold her head up and greet them with a nod. The six exchanged quiet grumbles, but bowed to her as she sat on the throne. "Good afternoon, subjects." She used her magic to fluff the pillow on the throne and adjust her tiara. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

The representatives undoubtedly heard the sarcasm in her voice, but they didn't comment on it. It was a sign that Luna wouldn't take their nonsense if she could help it. One of them exchanged an ominous nod with another and stepped forwards. "We were under the impression that Princess Celestia would see us as per requested." His eyes scanned Luna. "You don't look like her to me. Where is she?"

Luna scowled, and she leaned forward. "Am I not regal enough for you? It would be unfortunate if I had to rescind your moon pie privileges whenever you visited!"

Another representative rolled his eyes and snorted. "As if."

A vein in Luna's neck bulged and her right eye twitched as she struggled to prevent herself from incinerating the pony in front of her. "Y-you doubt us?! Very well! Your moon pie privileges are rescinded forever!"

One of the nobles breathed what seemed to Luna to be sigh of relief. "Oh good."

"I know, I always hated them," another muttered. "Too rich for my taste."

Luna gasped and shot to her hooves. "I... how dare you... Why, I never..." Luna's eyes darkened and she flared her wings out. "THAT IS BLASPHEMY!"

As Luna struggled to regain her thought process, another page ran up to one of the nobles and whispered something in his ear. The noble raised his eyebrow and he leaned in to the rest of them to spread the word. Their reactions were similar, and they turned back to Luna just in time for her to regain her thought process.

"So, Princess Luna," one of them began. "Why can't we see Celestia?"

Luna's glower returned full force. "My sister has taken a personal day! It is not my place to disturb her for the likes of you!"

"Oh really?" said another. "I find that interesting because Celestia doesn't take personal days. Not without some warning, anyway."

"I do not understand my sister's thought process," Luna growled. “It is none of your concern what she chooses her day to be like."

"But we had a meeting scheduled for today!" the first noble whined.

"She sent me in her place." Luna raised her snout into the air in a spot-on interpretation of the normal look of the nobles as they walked around Canterlot. "I am a princess too. Never forget that."

The second noble's smirk widened, and she took a small step forward. "You know, Princess Luna, Celestia obviously doesn't tell us everything because she can't, but she's pretty excellent at masking her emotions when she's hiding something big. I've been coming to this court long enough to know that."

Luna opened one eye and made eye contact with the noble. "What are you implying?"

The noble smirked. "I'm saying that it's hard to tell when she's hiding something, so I have to pay attention to the atmosphere to see if she is. Well, the atmosphere here is that you won't tell us where Princess Celestia is, and Princess Celestia always tells us when she is taking a personal day in advance as well as telling us generally what she will be doing in case she has to be reached for an emergency."

"Get on with your accusations or remove yourself from this hall!" Luna snarled. "I am not on trial here, nor are you a lawyer!"

The noble raised a hoof defensively, but the smirk never left her lips. "What I'm getting at is it seems that Celestia has disappeared and you won't tell me where she is, something uncharacteristic of her. Not only that, but I've just received word that a platoon of royal guards has just left the castle."

"They are undergoing a training exercise," Luna retorted. "That is not so unusual."

"A training exercise where they're shouting things like 'let's do this thing' and 'let's go find the Princess'?" She licked her lips as if viewing Luna as a fly that she had caught in her web. "Where is Princess Celestia and why are the guards looking for her?"

Luna growled and hopped off of her throne. She leaned forward and nearly touched the snout of the insolent noble. "You would do well to listen to me. The matters of the castle are not the concern of you. My sister is taking a personal day and the guards are undergoing training."

"With Captain Shining Armor at the helm?"

"INDEED!" Luna shouted, the force of her voice blowing the noble's hair back. "He needs to exercise occasionally as well!"

The noble shrugged. "I suppose so, but there is more going on here than you will admit. I think even a commoner could see that." Her smirk returned full force, but with a bit more determination and menace behind it. "I'm going to find out what is going on. I'm going to find out and tell all of Equestria!" She chuckled. "Or are you going to rescind my right to free speech as well as my right to moon pies?"

"I suppose I cannot." Luna straightened up and raised her nose again. "However, you shall find yourself a guest at Hotel Moon next time you visit the castle!"

The five nobles gasped and even the one who had been talking took an uneasy step backwards and flattened her ears against her head. "You mean that run down motel thing that's, like, eighty blocks from here?"

Luna nodded smugly. "Indeed. I hope you enjoy spending time with the cockroaches. It will be refreshing to see you among your own kind." Luna's glare returned and she flared out her wings. "Begone with you all! I have other matters to attend to!"

The nobles had to hold back grumbles of displeasure as they bowed, but they left the throne room ominously whispering amongst themselves. Luna shook her head as she watched them go. She sighed. "Captain Armor, return my sister with all speed."

Author's Note

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The News

"I don't like it. Something's up."

Quick Quill glanced up at his friend from his spot on the lounge couch and rolled his eyes. "Fast Talker, just because Princess Luna acted weird in front of a group of nasty nobles doesn't mean that something's up." He shook his head and returned to his book. "You look for conspiracies everywhere. It's a bit annoying."

Fast Talker glared at his partner. "You know, one of these days I'm going to be right! It's gonna happen! I'm going to hit it big with a story!"

"You're not going to do that by publishing stories about how Sapphire Shores is secretly a stallion dating Fancypants' wife." A small smirk crossed Quick Quill's face. "I'm still amazed you weren't fired for that one. I've never seen the boss laugh so hard in his life."

Fast Talker's glare shifted to a scowl. "Just you wait; I know there's something going on with the princesses today, and I'm going to find out what!" Fast Talker trotted up to his friend and pushed the book away. "Look, an entire regiment of guards moved out from the castle today. There were too many of them for it to just have been a training exercise. It has to be something more!"

Quick Quill frowned and put his book back up. "Why is that?"

"Refresh my memory; when was the last time you saw a training exercise of that size? Plus, I can read ponies, Quill. Something was up."

Quick Quill rolled his eyes and placed his book down. "Okay, we'll go investigate the guards, but if we get caught or it's nothing, I'm going to suggest your termination to the boss. Got it?"

Fast Talker rolled his eyes, but he grinned. He rushed over to his saddlebag and strapped it to his back. "Come on, buddy of mine! We've got an entire platoon of royal guards to stalk!"

Quick Quill groaned and shook his head. "Even if it is something, I'm going to request a different partner."

* * * *

Shining Armor and his soldiers stood outside the apartment building that the captured kidnapper had led them to. "Alrighty then. This is it. Do we have all exits covered?"

Shining Armor's lieutenant nodded. "Yep."

"So, unless they've already left, they're not going to escape."

"Yep."

He turned to his lieutenant and smiled confidently. "Well, Lieutenant, might as well not waste any more time." He pointed towards the building. "Send Alpha, Beta, and Woodpecker teams in!"

The Lieutenant saluted and pointed towards the building. Instantly, the pegasi guards flew through the windows of the apartment while the other groups burst through the entrances. Shining Armor himself led Woodpecker team through the front entrance, his horn fired up to protect his soldiers. Can't be too careful with criminal masterminds like this.

The room in question was on the second floor. Room two-oh-six. In no time at all, they were outside the door. Shining Armor raised a hoof to signal his colts to stop. He waved his hoof, and his Lieutenant moved in behind him while two more of his men took positions on either side of the door. Shining Armor himself moved in front of the door and charged up his horn. He glanced to the left, then the right, and nodded. With one short burst of magic, the door was blown off its hinges, allowing the guards to charge into the room. Shining Armor ran right after them, and they began to search the dingy apartment for any sign of either another kidnapper or Princess Celestia.

Unfortunately, it quickly became apparent that the apartment was quite empty. Shining Armor's heart sank as he heard more and more shouts of 'clear' from the guards searching the few rooms the apartment had to offer. She wasn't here.

He closed his eyes and shook his head as his second-in-command walked up behind him. "Where do you think she could be?"

Shining Armor shrugged. "Anywhere. I have to imagine that she's close, but here is not where she is."

The lieutenant opened his mouth to respond, but before he could a team of pegasi burst through the windows with a loud war cry. The leader of the team landed on the floor, flaring out his wings. "Unhoof Princess Celestia right now you... uh..." He scanned the room with a bewildered look on his face. "Did we get the wrong apartment again?"

Shining Armor frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

The team leader looked over at his captain, blinking in surprise. "Oh... Captain." His ears flattened under Shining Armor's gaze. "We may have crashed through the incorrect window when we first came into the building."

"That family was very understanding, though," another guard pointed out.

Shining Armor groaned and facehooved. "You have got to be kidding me." He sighed and walked over to the broken window. "I'm sorry to say this, but it seems that Princess Celestia is not here. She would have to have been moved in the past six hours which means that she could be anywhere from here to the train station by now."

"Wouldn't it be hard to sneak her onto a train?" the lieutenant questioned. "I mean, she kinda sticks out, doesn't she?"

Shining Armor nodded. "That's why I think whoever took Princess Celestia is still in the city. The problem is, Canterlot is not like Ponyville. There are dozens, if not hundreds of places that she could have been taken. But, we also have to keep in mind that she's disguised as a pink maned pegasus named Sunny Skies. That would make her harder to spot." Shining Armor turned to his soldiers. "I want teams sweeping every inch of this apartment and the surrounding grounds. Any clue regarding her whereabouts is to be brought to my personal attention at once, is that clear?"

The two guards saluted.

* * * *

"Tell me you got that," Fast Talker whispered.

"I got it, but I can't believe it!" Quick Quill collapsed his small portable microphone and shut off his tape recorder. "Princess Celestia has been kidnapped."

Fast Talker nodded dumbly before another wide smile split his face. "This is big."

"The biggest story of our career," Quick Quill agreed.

Fast Talker threw his foreleg around his partner's shoulder. "Whaddya think, major raises for the both of us?"

"If we don't get some serious cash from this, I will personally quit and give this recording to any newspaper that will pay us for this story."

"That's my colt." Fast Talker slapped his partner on the back. "Quick Quill, my friend, I think we have a story to write."

* * * *

Princess Celestia felt herself being taken out of the sheet after a fifteen-minute walk. Based on the sounds she had heard, they were in some sort of suburb not far from the apartment complex. Oh yes, it would be fun to see how Luna and Shining Armor found her here.

She felt herself being lifted into the air and placed down on the chair again. She was secured to the chair with ropes again, which she took as a cue to open her eyes. She saw her three kidnappers looking anxiously at her as she woke up. "I'm so sorry we did that again, Ms. Skies," said Mr. Xanadu. "Hopefully we won't have to do it again."

Celestia groggily shook her head to clear it. "Oh, it's okay. My head kinda hurts, though."

"Just a minute. Let me get you some ice for your head, okay?" said Mr. Xanadu. "This is my mother's house, so we should be safe here."

Celestia slowly nodded and Mr. Xanadu trotted off to get the ice. Celestia used the opportunity to scan the house. It was a relatively nice place. It was nothing extravagant like some of the nobles’ houses, but it certainly was cozy. She looked back at her kidnappers and gave them a reassuring smile to signify that she was okay, something that eased the noticeable tension in their bodies.

Mr. Xanadu returned with an ice pack and placed it on her head. Celestia thanked him and glanced out the window. Thankfully, Luna was doing a good job lowering the sun to raise the moon. "It would seem night has fallen upon us."

Her kidnappers also looked out the window and nodded. "Seems so," Mr. Xanadu agreed. "Time to hit the hay, I wager?"

Ms. Razzmatazz yawned. "Yeah, I think that sounds like a good idea." She turned to Mr. Xanadu. "What are the accommodations?"

"There's a couch over there and three rooms upstairs," he explained, pointing towards a nearby stairwell. He turned his attention to Celestia. "How are we going to deal with you? I can't imagine that chair is comfortable."

Celestia shrugged as best as she could. "I see no issue currently, but after a while it might get taxing."

Mr. Xanadu nodded. "I would imagine so." He took a length of rope out of his saddlebag. "Okay, this obviously won't stop you if you're really trying, but we trust you, okay?" Celestia nodded, prompting Mr. Xanadu to fire up his horn. The ropes around Celestia fell away, while the one he was levitating twisted itself into a sort of leash which he slipped around Celestia's neck. He beckoned her forwards and she followed him towards the couch. He tied the other end of the rope around the banister. "I'm sorry about this, but we wouldn't want to go through all of this trouble just to have you escape and tell the guards where we are."

"Oh, I understand," said Celestia as she hopped onto the couch. "Don't worry, though, I won't escape."

Ms. Razzmatazz smiled warmly at Celestia. "Well that's good, Ms. Skies." The mare trotted over to the adjacent couch and laid down on it. "You just get some rest now, and we'll try to sort things out in the morning."

After a round of goodnights, Celestia laid down on her couch and closed her eyes. she grinned and chuckled to herself. This. Is. Awesome.

* * * *

Morning arrived in the house, waking Celestia instantly. She looked out the window and saw her sun rising in the sky. "Good job, Lulu."

She swiveled her ear when she heard two sets of hoofsteps coming down the stairs. She sat up and smiled at her captors. "Good morning, mares and gentlecolts."

"Good morning, Ms. Skies," said Ms. Fallow. "Did you sleep well?"

"Oh very, thank you very much." Celestia turned her attention to Ms. Razzmatazz who was just waking up. "Good morning, Ms. Razzmatazz."

The yawning mare raised a hoof in greeting. "Mornin'."

"So, breakfast?" Mr. Xanadu motioned over to the kitchen. "I think that my mother has some stuff here we could use. If not, I'm sure I can run out and get something."

The group of ponies heard a thud on the front door, eliciting a smile from Mr. Xanadu. "Ah, that's the morning paper."

"I'll get it," said Ms. Razzmatazz "You get breakfast going."

Mr. Xanadu nodded and trotted over to the kitchen as Ms. Razzmatazz opened the door. Her horn fired up, and the paper was enveloped in her magical aura. She trotted back over to the sitting room and sat down next to Ms. Fallow as she opened the paper.

"Anything good?" Ms. Fallow questioned.

Ms. Razzmatazz didn't answer. She merely stared at the front page of the paper. Her mouth and eyes were wide open as she scanned the page. "Oh dear."

Mr. Xanadu's popped his head out of the kitchen. "What? Is there a problem?"

"Princess Celestia has been kidnapped!" Ms. Razzmatazz cried.

Celestia's kidnappers simultaneously gasped, and even Celestia herself listened intently. Wonder how they found out.

"What happened?!" asked Mr. Xanadu.

"It says here that Princess Celestia left the castle in disguise yesterday and was kidnapped by a powerful cult of ponies while she was at her weakest!"

Another gasp went through the group. "How can they do that?" Ms. Fallow whimpered.

Mr. Xanadu's eyes narrowed. "Why, if I ever came across those nasty ponies who kidnapped her, I'd introduce them to my hooves! I'd buck them into the next century!"

"Does it say anything else?" asked Ms. Fallow.

"It says that she was disguised as a pink maned pegasus named Sunny Skies," Ms. Razzmatazz went on. "That would..."

The atmosphere in the room evaporated as realization hit each of the kidnappers. One by one, each of the ponies turned their heads towards Princess Celestia. Celestia, for her part, had the largest smile on her face this entire time. Laughter was forcing its way up her throat, but she forced it back down.

It was Mr. Xanadu who finally managed to speak up despite the fact that he was leaning on the couch for support as if he had just had several heart attacks.

"... oh."

Author's Note

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... Oh

"Oh," Mr. Xanadu repeated. "I... uh..." He gulped and began blinking rapidly. "Oh."

Princess Celestia widened her grin and cocked her head. "Is there a problem, Mr. Xanadu?"

"P... uh, nuh... I wahhau." Mr. Xanadu collapsed onto his haunches and stared dumbly at the floor.

Ms. Razzmatazz's ear twitched, and she let the newspaper fall to the floor. "Y... you're Princess Celestia?"

Princess Celestia tapped her lower jaw. "Am I?" She grinned and examined one of her forelegs. "Well, I don't exactly look like Princess Celestia, do I?"

Mr. Xanadu groaned and put his head in his hooves. "This was supposed to be so easy. Just a simple mugging and kidnapping for ransom."

"Well, if I may say so, you pretty much messed up on every count," Princess Celestia pointed out. She chuckled and shook her head. "You have no idea how hard it was for me to not laugh when Mr. Nacarat delivered the ransom note by hoof."

The room was silent save for the intense, labored breathing of Ms. Fallow. Princess Celestia frowned and cocked her head. "Ms. Fallow? Are you okay?"

"No," Ms. Fallow whimpered. "No, I can't do this! I can't go back to jail!" Ms. Fallow shot to her hooves and bolted in the direction of the front door. "I gotta get out of here!"

Ms. Fallow fired up her horn and her magical glow encased the doorknob. She threw the door open, but screamed and promptly slammed it shut.

"What? What is it?" asked Mr. Xanadu.

"The royal guard is out there!" Ms Fallow collapsed onto the floor and began rocking back and forth. "They know where we are!"

"Now hold on a moment." Mr. Xanadu closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. "If they knew where we are then they would have already bucked down the door. We can still get out of this if we just think!" Ms. Fallow whimpered as Ms. Razzmatazz walked over to hug her. "Now, how many guards are out there?"

Ms. Fallow sniffled and wiped her eyes with a foreleg. She slowly stood up and trotted back over to the door and peeked out a window next to it. "Okay... one, two, three, four..." Ms. Fallow collapsed onto her haunches again and leaned her head against the wall. "All of them, I think."

Mr. Xanadu nodded and straightened up. "Well, that does complicate things a little bit. Are they coming this way?"

"They're going door-to-door," Ms. Fallow moaned.

"Well, if they are then we just have to pretend we're not home!" Ms. Razzmatazz sat back down on the couch. "It's not like they can just break down the door."

It was at that precise moment that the royal guards began pounding on the door, causing all three kidnappers to jump. "This is the royal guard," a voice that Celestia recognized as Shining Armor barked. "Please open the door at once!"

Mr. Xanadu quietly put his hoof to his lips in a shushing motion, and pointed to the door nearest the couch. He mouthed the word 'basement' and tip-hooved towards the door. His fellows nodded and began tip-hooving themselves. Another loud pounding on the door made them jump again, but they remained silent.

"Who is it?" Princess Celestia called out, stretching her throat slightly to make her voice more high-pitched. The kidnappers stared at her in horror, and Mr. Xanadu looked over to a nearby wooden plank in a pile of firewood.

"It's the royal guard, ma'am," Shining Armor replied. "If you could please come to the door, we have some questions we'd like to ask you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, we can't come to the door right now," Celestia replied.

"We?"

Mr. Xanadu inched over to the plank and grasped it in his front hooves. He raised it over his head then swung downwards. The board connected with Celestia's head, and the force of the strike snapped the board in two. There's that pillow feeling again.

"Ma'am, if there is more than one of you in there, why can't one of you come to the door?" Shining Armor questioned. "This is a really important matter."

"Hmm..." Celestia leaned back on the couch and tapped her lower jaw with her hoof. "Well, I can't come to the door because I'm a little tied up right now. The other three can't come to the door because they're frozen in place. Does that answer your question?"

"Uh... tied up?"

"Indeed I am. I have a rope leash around my neck that's securing me to a banister." Celestia reclined on the couch and fired up her horn. Her Sunny Skies disguise washed away, revealing her true form. With another spell, she slipped the rope leash off. "Well, maybe not anymore, but I promise you I did."

Silence was the only reaction from the other side of the door for a moment. Princess Celestia turned her head to her kidnappers and smiled warmly at them, something that didn't help their moods. Mr. Xanadu and Ms. Razzmatazz were holding on to each other and Ms. Fallow had fainted dead away.

Finally, Celestia heard Shining Armor sigh. "Princess, is that you?"

Celestia hopped off of the couch and walked in front of the door. She fired up her horn and opened it to reveal a scowling Shining Armor and two stone-faced royal guards. "Good morning, sirs. Would you like to come in?"

Shining Armor grunted and facehooved. "You were never in any danger at all, were you?"

Celestia shook her head. "Not for a moment, my little pony. I can tell you that this has all been great fun."

"For you maybe," Shining Armor grumbled. He motioned to the guard on his right. "Go get Princess Luna. I know she'll want to know all about this." The guard saluted and took wing.

Princess Celestia moved aside to allow Shining Armor and the other guard access to the house. She beckoned them towards the sitting room where the three ponies were still sitting or had fainted.

Shining Armor groaned and rubbed one of his temples. "You have got to be kidding me, Princess. These are the ponies who kidnapped you?"

"Technically I just played along," Celestia admitted.

"Oh, right, of course you did," Shining Armor deadpanned. "Let me just..." Shining Armor deeply exhaled and shook his head.

It was at that moment that what seemed to be an earthquake rippled through the house. Princess Celestia raised an eyebrow and turned her head to see Princess Luna standing in the now destroyed doorway. Her wings were flared out to their full length and a snarl was etched on her face. Celestia returned her sister's expression with a smile. "Oh. Good morning, Lulu."

"YOU DO NOT GET TO SAY 'GOOD MORNING' TO ME, TIA!" Luna screeched. "YOU... YOU..."

Celestia walked over to her sister and raised a hoof. "Luna, calm down. I'm perfectly fine."

"Oh, how wonderful for you!" Luna snarled. "Have you considered the personal Tartarus I have experienced?!"

Celestia sighed and closed her eyes as she put a hoof on Luna's shoulder. "Lulu, I admit that I might not have been thinking about what you had to go through, and for that I am sorry."

Luna growled and slapped Celestia's hoof away. "We had to deal with that rabble you call the nobility upon your kidnapping! On top of that, the press got wind of your little day off with those foul nags!"

"Oh yes, we read about that in this morning's paper." Celestia chuckled and glanced back at the sitting room. "I might have to save a clipping."

Luna slammed her hooves on the ground. "Have you no shame, Tia? Why do you pretend that no great consequences have come from this?!"

"Because, I do not believe as such." Celestia put her hoof back on Luna's shoulder. "Nopony got hurt, least of all me, and I have to admit I did have fun. Those poor ponies who kidnapped me were an alright sort. There was no true malice behind their actions." Celestia's smile returned. "Besides, you've been asking me for more time in court to get used to dealing with the nobles."

"Not like that, Tia!" Luna leaned forwards until her snout touched her sister's. "If you think that you shall ever receive another day off you are mistaken! In fact, I think that no cake shall be had by you forever!"

Celestia frowned and leaned back. "Now Lulu, let's not say things we cannot take back."

Luna huffed and walked past Celestia. "I have nothing further to say to you for the day, Tia." Luna cracked her neck and trotted over to the sitting room where the three kidnappers remained. Luna's scowl deepened and she flared out her wings once more. "Explain yourselves! What possessed you to commit such a heinous act?!"

Upon seeing Luna's rage, Mr. Xanadu's eyes rolled in the back of his head and he fainted dead away, leaving Ms. Razzmatazz as the only conscious kidnapper.

"Oh come on!" she moaned.

Luna's eyes narrowed and she took a step forward. "I am waiting for your answer."

Ms. Razzmatazz chuckled weakly and dropped Mr. Xanadu on the ground. "Uh... well, I think we did it mostly for the money."

"You stole money from my sister?"

"Oh, not really, Luna," Celestia assured her. "I won it all back playing poker."

"Pok..." Luna growled and facehooved so hard a loud slapping noise echoed throughout the house. "You are bucking kidding me, Tia."

Ms. Razzmatazz gulped and scooted away. "Uh, we didn't hurt her at all... I think."

"You think?" Luna's eyes began glowing white. "YOU THINK?!"

"Lulu, please calm down. As I said, no harm befell me. They did not hurt me, nor did they intend to do so."

"We... we just wanted a little money to support ourselves," Ms. Razzmatazz whimpered. "I-it was just to pay the bills for a few months until one of us got a job." Ms. Razzmatazz motioned over to the two unconscious ponies. "See, we all went to school together and we thought that we could pay the rent easier if we split it. Then..." Ms. Razzmatazz lowered her head and flattened her ears. "We lost our jobs. We tried to open up our own spa, but it didn't quite work out." Ms. Razzmatazz sighed and shook her head. "It's too bad. Mr. Nacarat is the best masseur I've ever met."

"Indeed, he is," Luna mumbled. Celestia grinned and raised an eyebrow, eliciting another glare from Luna. “It is none of your business, Tia!"

"I see." Celestia turned back to Shining Armor. "Captain Armor, if you would please escort these three to the palace. I would like to discuss their future in a more comfortable setting." Ms. Razzmatazz whimpered and lowered her head. "Starting with a partial pardon for all three of you."

Ms. Razzmatazz's eyes widened and she snapped her head back up. "Do you really mean it?!"

Celestia smiled and nodded. "What you did was wrong, my little pony, but if you wish to atone in a way that doesn't end with your imprisonment, I will not stop you. You shall work off your debt.”

Ms. Razzmatazz leaped to her hooves and smiled. "Do you really mean it?!" Celestia nodded and Ms. Razzmatazz let out a squeal of delight. However, her smile slowly fell and she glanced back at her two accomplices. "But what about Mr. Nacarat? You didn't say you were going to pardon him."

Celestia's smile widened ever so slightly, and she turned her head to Luna. "I will leave that up to Princess Luna here."

Luna cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. "Me?"

Celestia nodded. "Indeed, sister. You were the one who captured him after all. Are you willing to imprison or execute the proclaimed best masseur in Equestria?"

Luna's left eye twitched and her glare returned full force. "That is not fair, Tia. I just..." Luna growled and closed her eyes. "Pardoned. He shall share the fate of his fellows."

"Very well, sister," said Celestia. "Then we will—"

"But only after another back rub!" Luna blurted out.

* * * *

That afternoon saw the group back at the palace. Princess Celestia revived the three unconscious kidnappers and informed them of their fate. They would be given jobs in the palace relating to their special talents. On top of that, she hinted that she might use them to prank some of the nobles that came through the castle. She had Shining Armor escort the elated kidnappers to the servant's quarters to begin their training.

Luna had left to go to her room not long after that. It was clear that she was still quite miffed about the whole thing. Before she left, though, she beckoned Mr. Nacarat to follow her.

Finally, Celestia herself went back to her room, having cancelled court that day. She sighed contentedly and reclined on her bed, allowing herself to sink into her pillows. They could reach her here if she needed anything, but it was time to unwind from the events of the past few days.

Celestia sighed and snuggled into her sheets, ready for a nice long nap.

* * * *

Celestia awoke a few hours later. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was time to lower the sun. If anything, she was a few minutes late on that. She stretched out her wings and cracked her neck before firing up her horn. Slowly the sun lowered in the sky, disappearing over the horizon after a minute. As a reversal of her actions, Celestia saw the moon raise into the sky before coming to a halt at its peak.

Celestia smiled as the moonbeams filtered through her window. She figured that it was a good time to get a little snack, so she opened the door to her bedroom only to find her sister standing on the other side with her hoof raised. "Oh. Good evening, sister."

Luna frowned and lowered her hoof. "Tia, I wish to speak to you about the events of the past few days."

Celestia chuckled and waved her hoof. "Oh Luna, I told you that I'm fine. They couldn't have hurt me if they wanted to, and they didn't want to hurt me anyway."

"That is not what I mean, Tia!" Luna snapped. "I am glad to see you are unhurt, but there was more to this whole situation than your day off!"

Celestia's smile faded, and she cocked her head. "Luna, I know they were desperate because they were in poverty. While they are being punished, I am using their skills for good. Mr. Xanadu is coordinating relief efforts, Ms. Fallow is learning how to cook in the kitchens, and Ms. Razzmatazz is planning pranks for the nobles on top of managing the finances for the three of them." Celestia's smile returned. "Not to mention that you and Mr. Nacarat seem to be getting along quite nicely."

"Tia, can you think of nothing but yourself?!" Luna slammed her hoof on the floor, leaving cracks where it impacted. "Did you ever stop to consider how I would react to such news that you were taken by some unknown group?! I... I..."

Celestia put a hoof on Luna's shoulder. "Lulu, you did a fine job; both with the nobles and the rescue attempts. I don't—"

"I was scared, Tia!" A sob coursed through Luna's body and she pushed her sister's hoof off. "I received news that some group had taken you, and I didn't know what was going on. Yes, they were asking for a mere ransom, but how was I supposed to know that you had allowed yourself to be kidnapped for fun? If they had known who you were and were still able to capture you, how was I supposed to handle that?"

"Luna, I..." Celestia looked into her sister's tear-filled eyes and flattened her ears. "You are right, of course. I wasn't thinking. It's just that... it was so exhilarating. I knew I was in no danger, but it almost felt dangerous. It broke the monotone of dealing with the nobles without being a national crisis of some kind."

"You did not think of me, Tia," Luna mumbled. "I did not know what I would have done had you actually been injured. It scared me."

Celestia gave her sister a small smile and wrapped her in a hug. Luna leaned her head against Celestia's shoulder and returned the hug. "I'm sorry. Had I thought for a moment that this would happen I would have never done it. It was just a bit of fun on my part. I'm sorry if it hurt you."

"I am just glad you are safe, Tia." A smile stretched across Luna's face. "I do not suppose that you shalt accept my order of no more cake."

Celestia chuckled. "No, Luna, I don't think that I will. Curse Mother for eating it so much when I was in the womb."

Luna snorted. "She ate peanut butter and pickle sandwiches with me, Tia."

Celestia wrinkled her snout in disgust. "Even with that I will never understand your fondness for them." Celestia released her sister. "I mean really: peanut butter, butter, and pickles?"

Luna's smile widened and she shrugged. "If you do not wish to partake in that treat, you do not have to." Luna chuckled and tapped her jaw. "If you shall not accept our punishment of no cake, I shall have to think up some other nefarious scheme."

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "I see." She snorted and crossed her forelegs. "Not to tempt fate: but hit me with your best shot."

Author's Note

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Epilogue

Princess Luna reclined belly down on her favorite comfy couch as Mr. Nacarat gently massaged her back. He worked out a particularly large knot and Luna gave a long, contented sigh. "You are truly wonderful."

Mr. Nacarat chuckled and dug one of his hooves into her back. "I do my best. Thank you for not obliterating me for kidnapping your sister."

"Yes, let that be a lesson to you," Luna said with a half-hearted wave of her hoof.

Mr. Nacarat chuckled and moved to her neck. "It's funny: I think I remember having some kind of dream with you. You didn't look like you, though, you looked a little younger." He laughed again. "I think I tried to seduce you, but I ended up giving you a belly rub instead."

Luna cleared her throat and looked towards the ceiling. "Oh... er... yes, that does sound like an interesting dream."

"Maybe that's how you knew I give such good back rubs," Mr. Nacarat chortled. "You don't happen to dream walk, do you?"

Luna bit her lip and rubbed her two front hooves together as she formulated a response, but she was fortunately spared having to come up with one when the other three kidnappers walked into the room. She motioned for Mr. Nacarat to cease his back rub and sat up on her couch. "Good evening, mares and gentlecolt."

The three kidnappers bowed low to the floor. "Good evening, Princess Luna," said Mr. Xanadu.

"I trust that you have no complaints as to the state of your employment?"

Ms. Razzmatazz chuckled and nodded. "I must say that I never really saw myself having a job as a "castle nobility prankster", but..." She shrugged. "There you go."

"And what have you been working on as of late?" Luna questioned.

"Well on top of our pranking job, Princess Celestia is having us helping out with relief efforts for some of the lower income ends of Canterlot so nopony else makes our mistake," said Ms. Fallow.

Ms. Razzmatazz nodded and turned her head to Ms. Fallow. "What did she say about that? We had an insider's perspective that the nobility didn't have or something like that."

Ms. Fallow nodded. "Something like that."

"At any rate..." Mr. Xanadu pulled a blueprint out of his apron pocket and unrolled it on the floor. "As you can see here, a group of six nobles will be joining Princess Celestia for dinner tomorrow evening. She said that we should think up something special for them in the event that the dinner is not as cordial as she would like."

Ms. Fallow held down one of the ends of the blueprint and pointed to a diagram in the center. "Basically, what's going to happen is that the nobles sitting here, here, and here will be given soup laced with slow acting sleeping powder. If we time it right, they should fall asleep when they're walking out to their carriages. She plans for them to wake up in the kitchens somewhere, but we're not quite sure the exact location."

Ms. Razzmatazz pointed at to "X" markers on the blueprint. "As I understand it, these two nobles here are banned from eating cake in the castle as punishment for something or other."

"I heard the cause was foal-like quarreling," Luna confirmed.

Mr. Xanadu shrugged. "Whatever the case may be, Princess Celestia has requested that they be served moon pies instead."

Luna's jaw dropped and she shot to her hooves. "I demand your explanation revealing why moon pies are a punishment!"

Ms. Razzmatazz shrugged. "I dunno. Princess Celestia wanted it that way."

Mr. Xanadu motioned back to the map. "As we were saying, apparently this sixth noble is somepony named Fancypants. We're not supposed to do anything to him."

Luna scowled and took the blueprint in her magic. "This hate for moon pies is ridiculous," Luna grumbled. "However, I have more serious matters to attend to. I have called you here to discuss a matter of grave importance."

The three ponies bowed again. "We are willing to do whatever it takes to pay our debt to you and Princess Celestia," said Ms. Fallow.

Luna nodded and slipped the blueprint back into Mr. Xanadu's apron. "Excellent." Princess Luna moved in front of the three and sat down on her haunches. "How would you like to help me prank Tia?

Author's Note

Thank you everyone read this! I could not have done this without your criticism and encouragement. Double thanks to anybody who thumbsed it up and favorited it! You guys are why I do stuff like this!