Illogic is Never Far

by Sharky White

Rating: teen
Tags: Gilda, Random, Human, Sad, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Changelings, Adventure
Length: 1571

Sometimes, even the damned need a little Illogic.

A collab between The Psychopath and me, Sharky White! This takes place in the world of my fic, 'My Better Life'.

WARNING! WARNING!
Spoilers, EXTREME spoilers for My Better Life.

While the once-loved fallen hero roams the world, he is watched...
Even he has no power to stop Illogic.

Published 2013-04-24 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-24 21:10:01 UTC

You Jelly?

SERIOUSLY. MASSIVE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS.

I paced irritatedly around the camp as I waited for Esmerelda to return. It was already getting late, and the sun couldn’t be seen through the canopy of the surrounding forest. Song was already asleep, since she had already been fed. Unity was still waiting for Esmerelda to return with some gems though. I sighed irritatedly and hastened my pace.

“Sharky, you should really just take a seat and relax.” Gilda offered with concern. I waved her words away distractedly.

“No, I need to think.”

“Is it the townsponies again?” Gilda asked worriedly. She stood up from her place by the fire and moved in the path of my pacing. I walked a neat little circle around her and kept going.

“No. Esmerelda is taking forever.” I growled.

“I’m sure she’ll be back soon. Please, just calm down and take a seat. You’ll catch a cold if you don’t warm yourself by the fire.”

“Just leave me be. You don’t need to concern yourself with my health.”

“You know I do. I love you, and I’d hate to see you sick just because you were too dumb to sit by a fire.”

I sighed again, gentler this time, and walked to a seat by the fire we had built.

“Alright, alright. If it’ll make you happy.” I conceded. Gilda took a seat next to me and we sat in silence for a while. Even Unity seemed to respect the silence and not whine about being hungry. For a while, anyway.

*guuuuuuuurrrk* Unity’s belly stated its desire to be filled rather loudly. He blushed and wrapped his forelegs around his gut.

“I’m hungwy dad.” he admitted with an embarrassed smile. I scooted closer to him and tucked him under my right arm.

“I know buddy. Don’t worry, Ezzie will be here soon.” I promised.

“C-could I twy some of daddy’s food?” he asked shyly. I frowned at the question. I hadn’t ever fed him meat. Not only that, but we didn’t have any with us at the moment.

“I don’t see a problem with it.” Gilda stated suddenly. “If he likes it, we have another source of food for him. If not, we’ll just keep waiting for Esmerelda.”

I slowly nodded in agreement.

“Alright, fine. I’ll go see if I can find us something.” I stood up and grabbed my blades from their place beside the tents. I threw them on my back and walked off into the forest.

This place wasn't that close to a lush green canopy as many pictures and stories would have one think. No. While it was thick, indeed, it’s colors all varied from a faded greenish-gray to shades of brown and orange. This place was a pit that I didn’t much like, but it was my life now. Every stick and stone was overturned for the chance of finding food, and every tree was analyzed and observed for sources of sustenance; Particularly meat. While the weak sun tried to let its light reach the floor of this forest, I couldn’t help but feel tired after my travels.

I could feel my body slowing down as I tried to stay awake, my fatigue reaching its limits.

“C’mon. I can’t find anything!” I cursed. “Where are the fruits? The animals? Even edible roots?! Where?!”

A quick breeze hissed through the trees like a hungry snake. Something had been hunting me this whole time. While it explained the lack of animals, it sure as heck didn’t explain the lack of fruits or vegetables around. The wind only gave me a sense of dread, but the sound of crackling leaves and tree branches following me was more than enough to alert me to the presence of whatever was coming. Unsheathing my axe and the Buster Sword, I took a defensive stance and prepared to intercept whatever was coming. The forest was calm now. Not a sound could be heard. Neither wood nor leaf crackled, and the wind dared not breathe. Pure silence.

“C’mon. I know you’re out there. Why don’t you show yourself. Make all this a little easier for us a--”

Before I could finish my statement, a shadow darted out from the underbrush. Before I had time to even react, I had a large wolf nomming on my shoulder. I dropped my axe to free up my left hand and ripped the wolf off of myself. I cleaved the wolf in half before it could even blink. I stooped over to pick up my axe as the wolf’s blood spilled out onto the forest floor.

Except... the wolf’s blood wasn’t spilling. It was more like slowly, slowly oozing out of its body. I looked closer as soon as my axe was back in my hand. It didn’t smell like blood either. In fact, the smell kinda reminded me of fruit. I scrunched my face up in confusion. The blood looked like...

“Jelly? What?” I dipped a finger in the odd substance to be sure. It certainly felt like jelly. There was only one way to really be sure.

*smack* I smacked my lips together after tasting the jelly-like ooze.

“Strawberry? What’s going on here?” I questioned the air. Which of course, didn’t answer.

Suddenly, the ground begin to shake under my feet. I jumped up warily and scanned the surrounding forest. No sooner had I gotten to my feet then a horde of wolves, presumably similar to the previous one, appeared from the trees. A broad grin covered my face.

“Good, I’ve been aching to kill something...” I muttered as I rushed to meet the wolves.

************************************

About an hour and a few gallons worth of strawberry jelly later, I was surrounded by jelly-based non-preservative carnage. To my great disappointment, none of the strange creatures actually had any meat on or in them at all. With a heavy sigh, I settled on just taking back a few of the jelly-filled bodies in hopes that we could use the jelly somehow. I was covered in the stuff myself, but decided I could bathe after getting the jelly to camp. I arrived only a few minutes after my fight. Esmerelda had returned and was now curled around the camp in a big semi-circle.

“Hey guys. I’m back!” I whispered harshly to keep from waking Song up. Gilda, Esmerelda, and Unity turned to look at me. Unity had a mouthful of gems and a happy smile. Gilda looked like she had been about to fall asleep, and Esmerelda shared that look. Gilda squinted at me curiously.

“Sharky... what’re you covered in?” she nearly sighed.

“Uhhh... It’s strawberry jelly. I got into a fight in the forest with wolves that were full of strawberry jelly.” suddenly, I had a thought. I turned to Unity. “You made these, didn’t you?” I accused. “I thought I told you! No more monsters!”

“Wasn’t me daddy.” he countered innocently.

“So you expect me to believe that jelly-filled wolves just happen to live in this forest, huh?”

“I don’t know...” Unity murmured. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that he was still a child.

“Alright, alright. Let’s just forget about it then. It’s time for bed though. Go join your sister in your tent and get some rest.”

Unity did as he was told and waddled off to his tent with his last gem stuffed in his mouth.

“You should get some sleep too, hun.” Esmerelda’s voice rumbled from my right. I turned to find that she had moved her head to my right side while I talked to Unity.

“Yeah... I’ve got to clean this jelly off first. I’m gonna go to that stream we passed just a bit before we got here.”

“I could just get it off for you...” Esmerelda offered with a playful smile and wink. I laughed lightly and patted her snout.

“Nah, I’m not up for anything like that tonight, love. I’d rather just clean myself and go to sleep.”

Esmerelda gave me a fake pout. “Oh alright. Hurry back though darling. I wouldn’t want you to get lost in the dark.”

“Will do.” I promised before taking off in the direction of the stream. It didn’t take me very long to find it and rid my body of the jelly. I returned back to camp as quickly as I could, still moist from the bath. Everypony was asleep when I returned. I gave the camp a gentle smile as I looked over the sleeping forms of my family. I crawled into my tent next to Gilda and settled down for the night.

*******************************************************

The night was very silent as it barely made even the wind howl. However, there was one thing that had been watching the whole Sharky the whole night, and it was currently sitting on a branch; Its eyes staring vaguely into the night. Its pink, swirly eyes. It seemed to be a bird, but of what kind? Slowly, it looked down to see the campsite still slightly lit up by the fire. Its occupants currently surrounding it.

“Hmmm. I smell anger. Much fun to be had here.” it spoke quietly to itself with a smile before yelling “OINK OINK! I AM A MOOSE!”

It then shot into the sky with smoke trailing behind it. Whatever it was, it was disturbing.