A watcher's storyby applejack2357ChaptersWhere is this going, exactly?What the fu- Seriously??!!Wow...Where is this going, exactly?Twilight sat in her library with her five friends. The events of the day before were all a blur, and she couldn’t stop thinking about a sea snail for some reason. She had told her friends about her future death, and they were trying to figure out a solution. “How are we going to fix this?!” Twilight cried, on the verge of tears. Her five friends looked at her. They didn’t know... All of a sudden, a giant potato fell through her roof. Followed by a huge clove of garlic. They stared at the random food ingredients for a moment, then Applejack made a stew in five seconds. After they finished eating the stew, they went back to important matters... Who was going to rape Spike first... Blazer was the first to pipe up after appearing out of nowhere. “Memememememememememe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” “NO,” boomed a disembodied voice. Blazer didn’t care. He ran up to Spike, grabbed him by his spines and then dragged him upstairs. They would be up there for a while... “Now that that is taken care of...” Twilight said.“We can get down to business...” “What should we do?” Fluttershy asked. “We need to find the ones who killed future me...” Twilight stated, looking through a book that she had been safekeeping. “Will that book help?” Rainbow asked, walking towards her purple friend. When Twilight noticed Rainbow walking towards her, she started backing up. “No, not really... It’s more of a private read...” Rainbow thought this was strange, so she flew behind her friend and grabbed the book. “Let’s see what this is all about, huh?” She opened the book and read a passage. The cold air soothed the rainbow-maned pony as I got into the bed with her. I layed down next to her, running her mane over my hoof. I knew this was my chance, and I wasn’t going to blow it. Without a second thought, I started kissing her. She was surprised for a moment, then gave in. I slowly reached my hoof between her legs and... She immediately started blushing... “Uh, n-never mind... I don’t want to know...” She slowly passed the book back to Twilight, who was also blushing. Twilight teleported the book back to its hiding spot behind the bookcases. “So, back to reality...” Twilight said. Rarity stood up. “I think we should hunt down those ruffians! See what this is about.” “Actually, I agree with Rarity,” Applejack added. “It seems like the best course of action...” Pinkie then yelled out, “HEY! DALTON! BRANDON! WHEN CAN I DO SOMETHING?!” Her friends stared at her for a moment, her random outburst scaring the crap out of them. “Never, Dumb Bitch!” a disembodied voice shouted. Pinkie backed down, tearing up. “See D... you scared her.” “What? You are the one who yelled that!” “Not even, bro!!!” “What? Do you think I’m deaf?” “Fu.... Fine!” “Hey, you dumb fucks!” Fluttershy shouts, “Can we get back to the story?” “Oh, yeah... Sorry...” “Hey, which one of you guys ordered pizza?” a third voice rang out. “Oh hell to the yes! Screw this, time for food!” And then, there was a series of strange choking sounds. The form of Pinkie Pie suddenly faded to gray and then disappeared. The funny thing was, nopony actually cared. She’d be back next chapter, anyways. The scuffling of the third person stealing their wallets could be heard, then receeding footsteps... Twilight and her friends sat in a circle trying to decide what to do next. “Yeah, anyways... Let’s go after them...” Twilight suggested. Blazer walked down the stairs holding an unconscious Spike. “He is not coming back!” He proclaimed loudly as he tossed the corpse out the window. “Cock Blocker!” Twilight looked at her coltfriend. “Hmm? Oh, yeah... I wanted to kill him anyways...” “Too annoying,” Blazer said as he hugged Twilight from behind. “Sup sweetie!” Twilight wrapped her coltfriend in a hug with her wings. “Hey sexy...” Twilight kissed Blazer passionately, he returned the favor. All of the other ponies blushed. Then they got jealous... So Dalton... Did things... Oh, wait, he died... REMEMBER?! Then who is writing this? Pinkie Pie, obviously. Get with the times. Oh... Makes sense... Sweet! Fluttershy is getting wet... from the water she was dumping on herself because she is so hot. Pails also make for very good helmets, and she had the feeling she was going to be needing one soon. Rarity watched as Blazer and Twilight continued to kiss... She wanted a piece... “Excuse me, Blazer... Twilight...” Rarity said walking towards them. “But the authors have now decided to make this a clop-fic.” All of a sudden, Princess Celestia burst through the wall wearing a hot dog suit. “Who here likes bananas?” “Uhh...” everypony chorused in confusion. Well, except for Fluttershy. She was sent flying across the room and now has a concussion thanks to the ‘helmet’ she was wearing. Turns out that wasn’t such a good idea. Two down, four to go... “Come on everypony, speak up! This is supposed to be G-rated, remember? I am taking over for these completely incompetent authors!” Blazer took a banana and looked at Twilight, waggling his eyebrows ridiculously. “What can I say, Twilight? I’m just cookoo for Cocoa Puffs!” Rarity was pouting. Drat, she had been so close. Maybe someday... “Well!” Celestia continued, clearly disappointed by the continually perpetrating stench of sexual tension. And fish. Huh. “If you all can’t conform to the rules, then you can all go bang each other ON THE MOOOOOO-” But Pinkie wouldn’t let that happen, considering she was now in charge of this story... Thus began the epic battle between the ‘o’ key and the backspace key. Rarity couldn’t contain herself anymore and promptly wet the bed. Twilight wondered how she got on her bed in the first place, then using a beam of ultimate destruction, completely obliterating Celestia. “Long live the princess...” she cooed with a devious smirk. Unfortunately, she accidentally triggered the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. There were no survivors. Except for Mr. Rogers in a blood-stained sweater... Oh, and the five ponies, of course... Then he started rappin’ with Mr. T. Mr. Rogers kicked his ass... And this story is SOOOOO off topic... I need an aspirin...or two...or five...or over nine thousand... Though OD’ing would ruin the story... or maybe none at all since the MASTA OF PINK DON’T NEED THAT PANSY-ASS *honk*. Now back to the good part. So the Library was burned down...Along with about half of the town. By an alien race of incredible warriors. Twilight cried because all her books were lost. But at least there was still cupcakes. Wait, where did Rainbow Dash go? Three down, three to go... Rainbow is in the bathroom... being a master at bait... Okay, still four to go then... Blazer comforted Twilight. “Its okay... you can stay with me.” Boom chaka laka. Then they fucked. The moon spoke up. “HEY! YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!” Which didn’t really make much sense considering that they were already doing the dirty deed. Details? Ha! Yeah right...We couldn’t get the damn door unlocked. Stupid magic. All we know is, he went in the back... Of the club, that is... And Twilight went with him after he went in the back of her... I don’t understand this nonsense anymore... Pinkie, can you end it here? AND THEN VINYL SCRATCH EPICALLY DROPPED THE BASS. No, literally. The entire town was crushed by a huge bass. That would explain the fishy smell from earlier. Or Bass the pony. It’s hard to tell when something gets that fat. Why does Bass smell like fish? Oh well... It’s all right... Just calm your tits, bro... I’m gonna end it here(Chapter). Thanks for reading. Bless you. If you sneezed while reading this, jump up, spin around three times, and pretend to be a monkey for thirty seconds. No seriously, it will save your life. Just trust me on this one. Bye now. Leave. Why are you still here? Do you think something else is going to happen? Do you think this is some sort of sick game? Well, I guess so... But leave, dammit! Unless...you want to help me make cupcakes... Author's Note This chapter was written by me, II TrailBlazer II, and Shanenator. What the fu- Seriously??!!BEST SHIP ACTIVATE!!!!!! I don’t even fucking know... Where the fuck did we leave off...? Oh, yeah... Now I remember... Lets start this ship!!!! Ok, ok, ok, ok, so Rainbow Dash is like, totally in love with Twilight Sparkle, and Twilight Sparkle is also secretly in love with Rainbow Dash, but like, but like they have no idea. So, they spend, like the next 20 chapters like beating around the bush and not accomplishing shit, and then, at the end of the story, Rainbow Dash is all like, “Omigosh, Twilight, Twilight, I got a secret to tell you, I got a secret”, and Twilight’s like, “Omigosh, what’s your secret?” And Rainbow Dash is like, “I love you this whole time, but I was afraid to tell you”, and Twilight’s like “Omigosh, I love you too, what a coincidence!” And then they fucked. The end. But this chapter isn’t over yet. I mean, come on... But that is the best ship... Now, back to the story... Uhh... Dammit... Dammit, Brandon! Where did we leave off...? I dunno? Fuck... Let me go back and look... So we were at Bass. Where we left off... Unless...you want to help me make cupcakes... How the fuck do we continue from that? Oh... Got an idea... Pinkie Pie sits in her kitchen with a batch of freshly baked cupcakes. Yeah! She sets them on the counter and sits on the ground. “Hmm... I wonder if Blazer would like a cupcake...” Then she started thinking of the love they made... She looked at the cupcakes... And for some reason, they reminded her of him... She looked around her... No one was here... Why not have some fun...? “Hey, Blazer...” she said to one of the cupcakes. The cupcake said nothing, but in her mind, it said, “Hey, sexy...” She snuggles the cupcake then kisses it, smearing frosting across her face and her lips. Then she lowers it down to between her legs. “I want you inside me, Blazer...” Having second thoughts, she instead brings the cupcake up to her mouth and takes a bite. Pinkie stops in mid-chew, dropping the cupcake as she hears the sound of clashing dishes, followed by an oddly familiar squeak... She glances around the room frantically, her thousand-thought-per-second thinking process kicking into high gear. What was that?? Did the dishes want to run away, but as soon as they were on the move realized that they were dishes- and dishes don’t have the ability to run away or even think about running away so they fell to the floor? Or... Is somepony spying on me?! Evesdropping doodoo heads! Gah! D-did they see what I was doing to the Blazer cupcake? … Wait... I just took a bite out of the Blazer cupcake... GAHH! I’m eating Blazer!! He shows me a great time... Shows me love... Makes me feel good... And what do I do to repay him? Take a giant bite out of his head!! Bite. Chew chew. “Yum!” “Did I just eat him? Omigoshomigoshomigosh!” “Yes you ate him.” NEXT SCENE! This is Blazer! Why am I in everything sexual!!!!!! Nah i think ill continue this... Then Pinkie sighed and Blazer walked in and they made casually sexy love... again, Blazer is such a douche, Twilight is his marefriend and he makes casual love to pinkie, While Pinkie and Blazer are penetrating each other Twilight is at her treehouse and decides she wants a cake from sugarcube corner and teleports there and sees Blazer cheating on her. “Blazer,” Twilight says, “What the fuck are you doing to that piece of cotton candy” “Im fucking it. What does it look like?” Blazer says “Oh... Can I join?" Just then, a gigantic dildo fell through the roof of the floor like a boss, and then all of them (including blazer) started fucking the dildo (OMG Blazer is such a homo). Not really... That is just too gay... But a dildo did fall thought the roof of the floor... Blazer looks at the dildo with digust... and then starts fucking it, The it being Twilight, and the dildo.. Which apparently was Blazer's imaginary friend... What the fuck?! How did it end up being his imaginary friend?! and then he pulled out a rubber dildo out of his coat pocket and starts fucking it... In the mouth... and the butt...and the nostril, wait what the FUCK!?... Apparently Dildos have nostrils and are sexually attracted to Blazer. “Come on Blazer dont act like you dont like it” the dildo says. Blazer looked down at the dildo, and snaps out of the daze he was in. He throws the dildo across the room... And William, enough of the dildos!!! Fuck me!!! no thanks im not gay but apparently you are. Hey you were the one who started it Dalton... “Dont worry i will come get you later” Blazer whispers to the dildo. Facebook... Stupid autocorrect... lol sorry dalton is using a Smartphone at the moment... Yeah so get off the computer!!! NEVER!!!! Fuck you fool. … If you ever say that to my face, expect a punch... Well i am on the computer so suck it. Wait why are we having a personal conversation lets get back to the story. Good point... “What?” Twilight says. “Oh nothing just talking to my dil- never mind” Blazer says. Yeah thats what i thought... What? Do you think Blazer would want his marefriend to know he has a pet dildo? I SAID ENOUGH OF THE DILDOS!!! DildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildo Delete that bullshit now... Seriously... DildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildo You suck... Thank you! I love you too. Dont take it that way... DildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildo... Can we just get back to the story??? Lets get back to the story now. Thank you!!! Twilight walks over to Pinkie and starts fucking her while making sure Blazer is watching... and Blazer gets a raging hard-on.... and then walks over and joins in the mega Fuck-fest in the middle of Sugarcube Corner... While everypony watched... Then Spike came back from the dead and fucked himself in the butt with his finger, because he had nopony... Then Rarity came along and saw how lonely Spike was and, considering she is a mega slut, fucked Big Mac until he fell unconscious... making spike long for her sexy pony ass. And then everypony in all of Equestria except for spike joined in for a massively humongous orgy make whoever is reading this story want to fap furiously. Even Celestia was there... She finally got to tap that ass of her student that she longed for, for so long... THE END of this chapter of course, because trust me, there will be many more. Dude.....Really?! Are you going this low? DA FUQ?! Wasn't all me... Author's Note This chapter was written by me, II TrailBlazer II, Non-Brony Gamer, tweaked_angel, julianhoene, and about 5 anonymous users. Wow...The life of Equestria bustled around normally as Twilight headed down the street to go to Rarity’s Boutique for some reason that Rarity left unexplained. Her thoughts were on Pinkie Pie and her strangness from yesterday, something about us being controlled by other-worldly beings. While Twilight would look into it, as she promised Pinkie, she wouldn’t give it too much thought. After all, what is the possibility of a bunch of unknown creatures sitting around, writing what we say and do? While Twilight was walking down the road, a portal opened in front of her, and another Twilight came out of it. Now, the real Twilight, remembering what happened last time, needed to listen intently to what she had to say, for she didn’t want any problems like last time. “Twilight, you need to listen to me!” “Of course. Talk!” “I know you are going to think this is crazy, but-” She was cut off from being tackled by a solid black stallion, who is now holding her down. “Wow... You are surprisingly strong for your size...” the future Twilight said as Deemo kept her held down. “Yeah, I get that a lot...” The stallion said. He looked over at Twilight, who is scared shitless right now. “Who are you?” Twilight barely stammered out. “It doesn’t matter...” Twilight turned around to see a human. “All you need to know is that this pony here never existed...” The human was wearing some kind of metallic suit, the only color difference being the small red pane of plexiglass that let him see through. Without another moment, the black stallion jumps off of the future Twilight and is shot by an arrow to the chest. Electricity shoots out everywhere from the arrow as Future Twilight falls to the ground. Not a single sound was heard from her. Twilight gasped. “How could you-” They were gone. It seemed as if as fast as they were there, they were gone within less time. Twilight runs to the Boutique, which is where she was headed in the first place. She runs inside and sees Rarity sitting on the couch talking to Fluttershy. “I know, sweetie, but it’s just not natural...” Fluttershy was squeaking softly, so Twilight could not understand what she was saying. “Rarity! Fluttershy!” The two ponies look over at Twilight, who is now running towards them. “Twilight? What is the matter, dear?” Rarity said, setting down a cup of water in front of Fluttershy. “I don’t know how to explain this, but I just saw myself get killed...” Her trail of thought was soon elsewhere. Considering that was her from the future, she realized she was going to be killed! She couldn’t let that happen. But how would she prevent it? “Hey honey... I didn’t know you were coming here today...” She turned around and saw her coltfriend, Blazer, standing in the doorway. “Hey...” Blazer could tell by the look on her face, and that of Rarity and Fluttershy that something was wrong here... “What’s going on?” He said as he started walking towards Twilight. “I just saw myself get killed...” “How?” “It was me from the future...” “Twilight... Time can be rewritten... You’ll be fine...” Twilight looked up at Blazer, tears starting to swell in her eyes. “I know... It’s just so stressfull to see something like that...” “Well, I know a good stress reliever...” Twilight knew where this was going. She smiled slightly and looked over at her friends. “I’ll talk to you two later...” She looked up at her coltfriend, who began walking out of the Boutique. Following suit, Twilight followed Blazer back to the tree house. Upon entering, Blazer noticed Spike was still sleeping in his tiny ass bed. As much as Blazer wanted to pick him and throw his ass into the living room, he didn’t. He lifted his bed with magic, and took it into the living room and set it on the floor. Walking back up the steps to the room, he saw Twili8ght laying on the bed. Blazer slowly walked up to the bed, and layed down next to her, and he was like, "Yeah..." Twilight nudged closer to him, resting her head under Blazer’s chin. Blazer, taking no time at all, kissed her head. “I love you, Twilight...” He said in a quite soothing voice. “Mmm... I love you too...” Before they could start, Blazer smells something burning. “Hey... Do you smell that?” He whispered to Twilight. “Yeah... I do...” “It smells like smoke...” Blazer gets up and goes downstairs. Looking around, he sees Spike lighting curtains on fire with his fire breath. “Spike, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Blazer said, running down the stairs to try and stop Spike from causing any more damage. “No! Fuck off, bro...” Spike said as he spit fire at him. “Spike, what are you doing?” he said, dodging the fire like a fucking boss. “What does it look like? I’m burning down the library!” Blazer runs upstairs to Twilight, who jumps out of nowhere and starts beating the shit out of him. “WHERE IS MY REDBULL?!” She shouted in his face. “It’s... On the table over there...” He points at the Redbull sitting on the table across the room. Twilight grabs the Redbull with her magic and takes a large drink of it. After wiping her mouth and belching loudly, she sprouts wings and flies out of her window. “Okay then...” Blazer said. He then walked down the stairs and then proceeded to beat the shit out of Spike. Blazer then hogtied him up and setting him on the couch, he goes outside, wondering where Twilight has gone off to... *** Twilight sat on her balcony, watching Blazer walk out the door. She wasn’t sure if she should go after him or not, but she looked at Spike, who was hogtied on the couch... “Hmm... Cock blocker...” *** Blazer went for a walk through the town. There was nothing more upsetting to him than being beat down by his mare. It might be a while before he goes back to Twilight’s place... Or maybe just tomorrow... *** Twilight couldn’t stand it anymore. She had to go after him. She didn’t know what to say to him, considering she just beat him down... But she had to... She wanted it... No, she needed it... She looked back at her badass fly wings. Time to catch her coltfriend... *** Blazer was at Sugarcube corner now. Still trying to deal with what happened, he thought some sugary sweetness is just what he needed. “Hi! Idon’tthinkIhavemetyoubeforewhat’syourname?” Pinkie Pie said as she burst out from behind the counter, scaring the crap out of Blazer. “Uhh... What?” Was all he could say. “It’sokayifyouhaven’tmetmebutit’snotokaythatIhaven’tmetyouIknoweveryponyinthistownandnotknowingsomeponymakesmesadbecauseIwanttobeeverypony’sfriendand...” Blazer felt his chest hurting from how much she was talking. He tries to tune her out, but to know prevail. “...flwegq2lgbwkletlkwfjqnlwuigyrlqiufbhruoegvboedbqwefhiybqeruk... Wait, do you hear that?” Blazer slowly unplugged his ears, because at that point he could actually understand her. Listening, he hears music playing. I’m gonna be, the very best... Like no one ever was... “What the hell?” Blazer said, “God, it sounds fucking terrible...” To catch them is my real test. To train them is my cause.... “Pokemon! Ilovepokemondon’tyouPokemonisawesomeIrememberthisonetimeatbandcamp...” Blazer groans loudly. How can I get her to shut the fuck up?! He thought, then he got an idea. He gets up, walks over to Pinkie Pie and kisses her on the lips. The silence was music to Blazer’s ears. Upon breaking the kiss and seeing Pinkie smiling, he knew he had to wipe that off her face. “Now, shut the fuck up, you annoying shit!” Pinkie kept smiling, like she was in some kind of daydream. Crazy bitch... He thought, then started walking out of the Corner. With a bright flash of pink, he felt lips lock again with the cotton candy-flavored pony. After a moment, Blazer gave way and started kissing her back. He began forcing his tongue into her mouth and then he turned and walked out. But she wouldn’t let him leave... *** Blazer awakes with a gasp. He looked around. He was on the outskirts of Ponyville. He could barely see it in the dim light Looking down, he saw he was in Pinkie’s bed, but he was also tied down... Then he noticed Pinkie was on top of him... Blazer knew what was going to happen next. Pinkie took her long fucking tongue and licked him all the way up his body. While Blazer’s mind was telling him no... His body said yes... *** After ten hours of nonstop loving, Blazer rolled off of Pinkie Pie. He looked over at Twilight, who joined about halfway through, and felt he done good. He was just happy Pinkie untied him before they started. Pinkie Pie didn’t look tired whatsoever, whether it was because she is always hyper as hell, or it’s because she has done something like this many times in the past. Then Blazer notices blood everywhere... Looking around, he sees dead animals that have been mutilated and torn open that just line the walls completely. How they ended up in there, he has no idea, and he didn’t care. He was happy. “Hey, hey, hey...” He looks up at the door to see Fluttershy standing in the doorway. “What?” Blazer said, “You want some too?” “Not exactly....” Then Blazer notices a chainsaw in her hooves. Blazer and the two mare jumps off the bed, barely avoiding be cut by the chainsaw. Pinkie’s bed wasn’t so lucky... “I’ll miss you, Steve...” Pinkie said, then she dived out a window. Twilight did the same, but Blazer didn’t get out in time... “Do you know what happens next?” Fluttershy says as she starts to walk closer. “No... What?” Fluttershy is now right in his face. “I...” She raises the chainsaw above her head. “Eat...” After a moment of silence, Blazer opens his eyes to see Fluttershy used the chainsaw to cut cake. “Want some?” She said, extending a hoof with cake on it. “Uhh... Sure...” “No!” Fluttershy throws the cake at him. “The cake is a lie!” *** Gary wakes up. Looking around the room, he sees Spongebob’s bed next to him, and sighs. In really wish I would stop having these strange dreams... Gary yawns, then slowly falls back asleep. Author's Note This chapter was written by me, II TrailBlazer II, CanterlotGuardian, Nyan_Cat, and about thirty anonymous people.
Where is this going, exactly?Twilight sat in her library with her five friends. The events of the day before were all a blur, and she couldn’t stop thinking about a sea snail for some reason. She had told her friends about her future death, and they were trying to figure out a solution. “How are we going to fix this?!” Twilight cried, on the verge of tears. Her five friends looked at her. They didn’t know... All of a sudden, a giant potato fell through her roof. Followed by a huge clove of garlic. They stared at the random food ingredients for a moment, then Applejack made a stew in five seconds. After they finished eating the stew, they went back to important matters... Who was going to rape Spike first... Blazer was the first to pipe up after appearing out of nowhere. “Memememememememememe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” “NO,” boomed a disembodied voice. Blazer didn’t care. He ran up to Spike, grabbed him by his spines and then dragged him upstairs. They would be up there for a while... “Now that that is taken care of...” Twilight said.“We can get down to business...” “What should we do?” Fluttershy asked. “We need to find the ones who killed future me...” Twilight stated, looking through a book that she had been safekeeping. “Will that book help?” Rainbow asked, walking towards her purple friend. When Twilight noticed Rainbow walking towards her, she started backing up. “No, not really... It’s more of a private read...” Rainbow thought this was strange, so she flew behind her friend and grabbed the book. “Let’s see what this is all about, huh?” She opened the book and read a passage. The cold air soothed the rainbow-maned pony as I got into the bed with her. I layed down next to her, running her mane over my hoof. I knew this was my chance, and I wasn’t going to blow it. Without a second thought, I started kissing her. She was surprised for a moment, then gave in. I slowly reached my hoof between her legs and... She immediately started blushing... “Uh, n-never mind... I don’t want to know...” She slowly passed the book back to Twilight, who was also blushing. Twilight teleported the book back to its hiding spot behind the bookcases. “So, back to reality...” Twilight said. Rarity stood up. “I think we should hunt down those ruffians! See what this is about.” “Actually, I agree with Rarity,” Applejack added. “It seems like the best course of action...” Pinkie then yelled out, “HEY! DALTON! BRANDON! WHEN CAN I DO SOMETHING?!” Her friends stared at her for a moment, her random outburst scaring the crap out of them. “Never, Dumb Bitch!” a disembodied voice shouted. Pinkie backed down, tearing up. “See D... you scared her.” “What? You are the one who yelled that!” “Not even, bro!!!” “What? Do you think I’m deaf?” “Fu.... Fine!” “Hey, you dumb fucks!” Fluttershy shouts, “Can we get back to the story?” “Oh, yeah... Sorry...” “Hey, which one of you guys ordered pizza?” a third voice rang out. “Oh hell to the yes! Screw this, time for food!” And then, there was a series of strange choking sounds. The form of Pinkie Pie suddenly faded to gray and then disappeared. The funny thing was, nopony actually cared. She’d be back next chapter, anyways. The scuffling of the third person stealing their wallets could be heard, then receeding footsteps... Twilight and her friends sat in a circle trying to decide what to do next. “Yeah, anyways... Let’s go after them...” Twilight suggested. Blazer walked down the stairs holding an unconscious Spike. “He is not coming back!” He proclaimed loudly as he tossed the corpse out the window. “Cock Blocker!” Twilight looked at her coltfriend. “Hmm? Oh, yeah... I wanted to kill him anyways...” “Too annoying,” Blazer said as he hugged Twilight from behind. “Sup sweetie!” Twilight wrapped her coltfriend in a hug with her wings. “Hey sexy...” Twilight kissed Blazer passionately, he returned the favor. All of the other ponies blushed. Then they got jealous... So Dalton... Did things... Oh, wait, he died... REMEMBER?! Then who is writing this? Pinkie Pie, obviously. Get with the times. Oh... Makes sense... Sweet! Fluttershy is getting wet... from the water she was dumping on herself because she is so hot. Pails also make for very good helmets, and she had the feeling she was going to be needing one soon. Rarity watched as Blazer and Twilight continued to kiss... She wanted a piece... “Excuse me, Blazer... Twilight...” Rarity said walking towards them. “But the authors have now decided to make this a clop-fic.” All of a sudden, Princess Celestia burst through the wall wearing a hot dog suit. “Who here likes bananas?” “Uhh...” everypony chorused in confusion. Well, except for Fluttershy. She was sent flying across the room and now has a concussion thanks to the ‘helmet’ she was wearing. Turns out that wasn’t such a good idea. Two down, four to go... “Come on everypony, speak up! This is supposed to be G-rated, remember? I am taking over for these completely incompetent authors!” Blazer took a banana and looked at Twilight, waggling his eyebrows ridiculously. “What can I say, Twilight? I’m just cookoo for Cocoa Puffs!” Rarity was pouting. Drat, she had been so close. Maybe someday... “Well!” Celestia continued, clearly disappointed by the continually perpetrating stench of sexual tension. And fish. Huh. “If you all can’t conform to the rules, then you can all go bang each other ON THE MOOOOOO-” But Pinkie wouldn’t let that happen, considering she was now in charge of this story... Thus began the epic battle between the ‘o’ key and the backspace key. Rarity couldn’t contain herself anymore and promptly wet the bed. Twilight wondered how she got on her bed in the first place, then using a beam of ultimate destruction, completely obliterating Celestia. “Long live the princess...” she cooed with a devious smirk. Unfortunately, she accidentally triggered the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. There were no survivors. Except for Mr. Rogers in a blood-stained sweater... Oh, and the five ponies, of course... Then he started rappin’ with Mr. T. Mr. Rogers kicked his ass... And this story is SOOOOO off topic... I need an aspirin...or two...or five...or over nine thousand... Though OD’ing would ruin the story... or maybe none at all since the MASTA OF PINK DON’T NEED THAT PANSY-ASS *honk*. Now back to the good part. So the Library was burned down...Along with about half of the town. By an alien race of incredible warriors. Twilight cried because all her books were lost. But at least there was still cupcakes. Wait, where did Rainbow Dash go? Three down, three to go... Rainbow is in the bathroom... being a master at bait... Okay, still four to go then... Blazer comforted Twilight. “Its okay... you can stay with me.” Boom chaka laka. Then they fucked. The moon spoke up. “HEY! YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!” Which didn’t really make much sense considering that they were already doing the dirty deed. Details? Ha! Yeah right...We couldn’t get the damn door unlocked. Stupid magic. All we know is, he went in the back... Of the club, that is... And Twilight went with him after he went in the back of her... I don’t understand this nonsense anymore... Pinkie, can you end it here? AND THEN VINYL SCRATCH EPICALLY DROPPED THE BASS. No, literally. The entire town was crushed by a huge bass. That would explain the fishy smell from earlier. Or Bass the pony. It’s hard to tell when something gets that fat. Why does Bass smell like fish? Oh well... It’s all right... Just calm your tits, bro... I’m gonna end it here(Chapter). Thanks for reading. Bless you. If you sneezed while reading this, jump up, spin around three times, and pretend to be a monkey for thirty seconds. No seriously, it will save your life. Just trust me on this one. Bye now. Leave. Why are you still here? Do you think something else is going to happen? Do you think this is some sort of sick game? Well, I guess so... But leave, dammit! Unless...you want to help me make cupcakes... Author's Note This chapter was written by me, II TrailBlazer II, and Shanenator.
What the fu- Seriously??!!BEST SHIP ACTIVATE!!!!!! I don’t even fucking know... Where the fuck did we leave off...? Oh, yeah... Now I remember... Lets start this ship!!!! Ok, ok, ok, ok, so Rainbow Dash is like, totally in love with Twilight Sparkle, and Twilight Sparkle is also secretly in love with Rainbow Dash, but like, but like they have no idea. So, they spend, like the next 20 chapters like beating around the bush and not accomplishing shit, and then, at the end of the story, Rainbow Dash is all like, “Omigosh, Twilight, Twilight, I got a secret to tell you, I got a secret”, and Twilight’s like, “Omigosh, what’s your secret?” And Rainbow Dash is like, “I love you this whole time, but I was afraid to tell you”, and Twilight’s like “Omigosh, I love you too, what a coincidence!” And then they fucked. The end. But this chapter isn’t over yet. I mean, come on... But that is the best ship... Now, back to the story... Uhh... Dammit... Dammit, Brandon! Where did we leave off...? I dunno? Fuck... Let me go back and look... So we were at Bass. Where we left off... Unless...you want to help me make cupcakes... How the fuck do we continue from that? Oh... Got an idea... Pinkie Pie sits in her kitchen with a batch of freshly baked cupcakes. Yeah! She sets them on the counter and sits on the ground. “Hmm... I wonder if Blazer would like a cupcake...” Then she started thinking of the love they made... She looked at the cupcakes... And for some reason, they reminded her of him... She looked around her... No one was here... Why not have some fun...? “Hey, Blazer...” she said to one of the cupcakes. The cupcake said nothing, but in her mind, it said, “Hey, sexy...” She snuggles the cupcake then kisses it, smearing frosting across her face and her lips. Then she lowers it down to between her legs. “I want you inside me, Blazer...” Having second thoughts, she instead brings the cupcake up to her mouth and takes a bite. Pinkie stops in mid-chew, dropping the cupcake as she hears the sound of clashing dishes, followed by an oddly familiar squeak... She glances around the room frantically, her thousand-thought-per-second thinking process kicking into high gear. What was that?? Did the dishes want to run away, but as soon as they were on the move realized that they were dishes- and dishes don’t have the ability to run away or even think about running away so they fell to the floor? Or... Is somepony spying on me?! Evesdropping doodoo heads! Gah! D-did they see what I was doing to the Blazer cupcake? … Wait... I just took a bite out of the Blazer cupcake... GAHH! I’m eating Blazer!! He shows me a great time... Shows me love... Makes me feel good... And what do I do to repay him? Take a giant bite out of his head!! Bite. Chew chew. “Yum!” “Did I just eat him? Omigoshomigoshomigosh!” “Yes you ate him.” NEXT SCENE! This is Blazer! Why am I in everything sexual!!!!!! Nah i think ill continue this... Then Pinkie sighed and Blazer walked in and they made casually sexy love... again, Blazer is such a douche, Twilight is his marefriend and he makes casual love to pinkie, While Pinkie and Blazer are penetrating each other Twilight is at her treehouse and decides she wants a cake from sugarcube corner and teleports there and sees Blazer cheating on her. “Blazer,” Twilight says, “What the fuck are you doing to that piece of cotton candy” “Im fucking it. What does it look like?” Blazer says “Oh... Can I join?" Just then, a gigantic dildo fell through the roof of the floor like a boss, and then all of them (including blazer) started fucking the dildo (OMG Blazer is such a homo). Not really... That is just too gay... But a dildo did fall thought the roof of the floor... Blazer looks at the dildo with digust... and then starts fucking it, The it being Twilight, and the dildo.. Which apparently was Blazer's imaginary friend... What the fuck?! How did it end up being his imaginary friend?! and then he pulled out a rubber dildo out of his coat pocket and starts fucking it... In the mouth... and the butt...and the nostril, wait what the FUCK!?... Apparently Dildos have nostrils and are sexually attracted to Blazer. “Come on Blazer dont act like you dont like it” the dildo says. Blazer looked down at the dildo, and snaps out of the daze he was in. He throws the dildo across the room... And William, enough of the dildos!!! Fuck me!!! no thanks im not gay but apparently you are. Hey you were the one who started it Dalton... “Dont worry i will come get you later” Blazer whispers to the dildo. Facebook... Stupid autocorrect... lol sorry dalton is using a Smartphone at the moment... Yeah so get off the computer!!! NEVER!!!! Fuck you fool. … If you ever say that to my face, expect a punch... Well i am on the computer so suck it. Wait why are we having a personal conversation lets get back to the story. Good point... “What?” Twilight says. “Oh nothing just talking to my dil- never mind” Blazer says. Yeah thats what i thought... What? Do you think Blazer would want his marefriend to know he has a pet dildo? I SAID ENOUGH OF THE DILDOS!!! DildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildo Delete that bullshit now... Seriously... DildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildo You suck... Thank you! I love you too. Dont take it that way... DildoDildoDildoDildoDildoDildo... Can we just get back to the story??? Lets get back to the story now. Thank you!!! Twilight walks over to Pinkie and starts fucking her while making sure Blazer is watching... and Blazer gets a raging hard-on.... and then walks over and joins in the mega Fuck-fest in the middle of Sugarcube Corner... While everypony watched... Then Spike came back from the dead and fucked himself in the butt with his finger, because he had nopony... Then Rarity came along and saw how lonely Spike was and, considering she is a mega slut, fucked Big Mac until he fell unconscious... making spike long for her sexy pony ass. And then everypony in all of Equestria except for spike joined in for a massively humongous orgy make whoever is reading this story want to fap furiously. Even Celestia was there... She finally got to tap that ass of her student that she longed for, for so long... THE END of this chapter of course, because trust me, there will be many more. Dude.....Really?! Are you going this low? DA FUQ?! Wasn't all me... Author's Note This chapter was written by me, II TrailBlazer II, Non-Brony Gamer, tweaked_angel, julianhoene, and about 5 anonymous users.
Wow...The life of Equestria bustled around normally as Twilight headed down the street to go to Rarity’s Boutique for some reason that Rarity left unexplained. Her thoughts were on Pinkie Pie and her strangness from yesterday, something about us being controlled by other-worldly beings. While Twilight would look into it, as she promised Pinkie, she wouldn’t give it too much thought. After all, what is the possibility of a bunch of unknown creatures sitting around, writing what we say and do? While Twilight was walking down the road, a portal opened in front of her, and another Twilight came out of it. Now, the real Twilight, remembering what happened last time, needed to listen intently to what she had to say, for she didn’t want any problems like last time. “Twilight, you need to listen to me!” “Of course. Talk!” “I know you are going to think this is crazy, but-” She was cut off from being tackled by a solid black stallion, who is now holding her down. “Wow... You are surprisingly strong for your size...” the future Twilight said as Deemo kept her held down. “Yeah, I get that a lot...” The stallion said. He looked over at Twilight, who is scared shitless right now. “Who are you?” Twilight barely stammered out. “It doesn’t matter...” Twilight turned around to see a human. “All you need to know is that this pony here never existed...” The human was wearing some kind of metallic suit, the only color difference being the small red pane of plexiglass that let him see through. Without another moment, the black stallion jumps off of the future Twilight and is shot by an arrow to the chest. Electricity shoots out everywhere from the arrow as Future Twilight falls to the ground. Not a single sound was heard from her. Twilight gasped. “How could you-” They were gone. It seemed as if as fast as they were there, they were gone within less time. Twilight runs to the Boutique, which is where she was headed in the first place. She runs inside and sees Rarity sitting on the couch talking to Fluttershy. “I know, sweetie, but it’s just not natural...” Fluttershy was squeaking softly, so Twilight could not understand what she was saying. “Rarity! Fluttershy!” The two ponies look over at Twilight, who is now running towards them. “Twilight? What is the matter, dear?” Rarity said, setting down a cup of water in front of Fluttershy. “I don’t know how to explain this, but I just saw myself get killed...” Her trail of thought was soon elsewhere. Considering that was her from the future, she realized she was going to be killed! She couldn’t let that happen. But how would she prevent it? “Hey honey... I didn’t know you were coming here today...” She turned around and saw her coltfriend, Blazer, standing in the doorway. “Hey...” Blazer could tell by the look on her face, and that of Rarity and Fluttershy that something was wrong here... “What’s going on?” He said as he started walking towards Twilight. “I just saw myself get killed...” “How?” “It was me from the future...” “Twilight... Time can be rewritten... You’ll be fine...” Twilight looked up at Blazer, tears starting to swell in her eyes. “I know... It’s just so stressfull to see something like that...” “Well, I know a good stress reliever...” Twilight knew where this was going. She smiled slightly and looked over at her friends. “I’ll talk to you two later...” She looked up at her coltfriend, who began walking out of the Boutique. Following suit, Twilight followed Blazer back to the tree house. Upon entering, Blazer noticed Spike was still sleeping in his tiny ass bed. As much as Blazer wanted to pick him and throw his ass into the living room, he didn’t. He lifted his bed with magic, and took it into the living room and set it on the floor. Walking back up the steps to the room, he saw Twili8ght laying on the bed. Blazer slowly walked up to the bed, and layed down next to her, and he was like, "Yeah..." Twilight nudged closer to him, resting her head under Blazer’s chin. Blazer, taking no time at all, kissed her head. “I love you, Twilight...” He said in a quite soothing voice. “Mmm... I love you too...” Before they could start, Blazer smells something burning. “Hey... Do you smell that?” He whispered to Twilight. “Yeah... I do...” “It smells like smoke...” Blazer gets up and goes downstairs. Looking around, he sees Spike lighting curtains on fire with his fire breath. “Spike, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Blazer said, running down the stairs to try and stop Spike from causing any more damage. “No! Fuck off, bro...” Spike said as he spit fire at him. “Spike, what are you doing?” he said, dodging the fire like a fucking boss. “What does it look like? I’m burning down the library!” Blazer runs upstairs to Twilight, who jumps out of nowhere and starts beating the shit out of him. “WHERE IS MY REDBULL?!” She shouted in his face. “It’s... On the table over there...” He points at the Redbull sitting on the table across the room. Twilight grabs the Redbull with her magic and takes a large drink of it. After wiping her mouth and belching loudly, she sprouts wings and flies out of her window. “Okay then...” Blazer said. He then walked down the stairs and then proceeded to beat the shit out of Spike. Blazer then hogtied him up and setting him on the couch, he goes outside, wondering where Twilight has gone off to... *** Twilight sat on her balcony, watching Blazer walk out the door. She wasn’t sure if she should go after him or not, but she looked at Spike, who was hogtied on the couch... “Hmm... Cock blocker...” *** Blazer went for a walk through the town. There was nothing more upsetting to him than being beat down by his mare. It might be a while before he goes back to Twilight’s place... Or maybe just tomorrow... *** Twilight couldn’t stand it anymore. She had to go after him. She didn’t know what to say to him, considering she just beat him down... But she had to... She wanted it... No, she needed it... She looked back at her badass fly wings. Time to catch her coltfriend... *** Blazer was at Sugarcube corner now. Still trying to deal with what happened, he thought some sugary sweetness is just what he needed. “Hi! Idon’tthinkIhavemetyoubeforewhat’syourname?” Pinkie Pie said as she burst out from behind the counter, scaring the crap out of Blazer. “Uhh... What?” Was all he could say. “It’sokayifyouhaven’tmetmebutit’snotokaythatIhaven’tmetyouIknoweveryponyinthistownandnotknowingsomeponymakesmesadbecauseIwanttobeeverypony’sfriendand...” Blazer felt his chest hurting from how much she was talking. He tries to tune her out, but to know prevail. “...flwegq2lgbwkletlkwfjqnlwuigyrlqiufbhruoegvboedbqwefhiybqeruk... Wait, do you hear that?” Blazer slowly unplugged his ears, because at that point he could actually understand her. Listening, he hears music playing. I’m gonna be, the very best... Like no one ever was... “What the hell?” Blazer said, “God, it sounds fucking terrible...” To catch them is my real test. To train them is my cause.... “Pokemon! Ilovepokemondon’tyouPokemonisawesomeIrememberthisonetimeatbandcamp...” Blazer groans loudly. How can I get her to shut the fuck up?! He thought, then he got an idea. He gets up, walks over to Pinkie Pie and kisses her on the lips. The silence was music to Blazer’s ears. Upon breaking the kiss and seeing Pinkie smiling, he knew he had to wipe that off her face. “Now, shut the fuck up, you annoying shit!” Pinkie kept smiling, like she was in some kind of daydream. Crazy bitch... He thought, then started walking out of the Corner. With a bright flash of pink, he felt lips lock again with the cotton candy-flavored pony. After a moment, Blazer gave way and started kissing her back. He began forcing his tongue into her mouth and then he turned and walked out. But she wouldn’t let him leave... *** Blazer awakes with a gasp. He looked around. He was on the outskirts of Ponyville. He could barely see it in the dim light Looking down, he saw he was in Pinkie’s bed, but he was also tied down... Then he noticed Pinkie was on top of him... Blazer knew what was going to happen next. Pinkie took her long fucking tongue and licked him all the way up his body. While Blazer’s mind was telling him no... His body said yes... *** After ten hours of nonstop loving, Blazer rolled off of Pinkie Pie. He looked over at Twilight, who joined about halfway through, and felt he done good. He was just happy Pinkie untied him before they started. Pinkie Pie didn’t look tired whatsoever, whether it was because she is always hyper as hell, or it’s because she has done something like this many times in the past. Then Blazer notices blood everywhere... Looking around, he sees dead animals that have been mutilated and torn open that just line the walls completely. How they ended up in there, he has no idea, and he didn’t care. He was happy. “Hey, hey, hey...” He looks up at the door to see Fluttershy standing in the doorway. “What?” Blazer said, “You want some too?” “Not exactly....” Then Blazer notices a chainsaw in her hooves. Blazer and the two mare jumps off the bed, barely avoiding be cut by the chainsaw. Pinkie’s bed wasn’t so lucky... “I’ll miss you, Steve...” Pinkie said, then she dived out a window. Twilight did the same, but Blazer didn’t get out in time... “Do you know what happens next?” Fluttershy says as she starts to walk closer. “No... What?” Fluttershy is now right in his face. “I...” She raises the chainsaw above her head. “Eat...” After a moment of silence, Blazer opens his eyes to see Fluttershy used the chainsaw to cut cake. “Want some?” She said, extending a hoof with cake on it. “Uhh... Sure...” “No!” Fluttershy throws the cake at him. “The cake is a lie!” *** Gary wakes up. Looking around the room, he sees Spongebob’s bed next to him, and sighs. In really wish I would stop having these strange dreams... Gary yawns, then slowly falls back asleep. Author's Note This chapter was written by me, II TrailBlazer II, CanterlotGuardian, Nyan_Cat, and about thirty anonymous people.
