The Melancholy of Princess Twilight Sparkle

by BakaBoy

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 12502

It's been five years since the rest of the Element Bearers have passed away, so what is Twilight up to now?

It has been five years since the last of the Element bearers has passed away.
Well, at least I think it was about five years, probably six now give or take.
Everyone calls me Blunt, I'm one of the various Pegasus guards that can be found milling about the palace when Princess Twilight suddenly snaps and drags me down one of the corridors by the collar of my armor.

"This place is boring! Let's go find something interesting!"

Oh joy.

Inspired by The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Published 2013-06-08 16:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-05 14:37:55 UTC

Royally Bored

Overly large signs with garish text? Check.

Pin the tail on the pony poster with blindfold and tail? Yeah, it's definitely there.

Cake shaped like a pie which has a diameter of approximately 3.14159 feet and total height of around 2.71828 feet including figure placed at exact center of said confectionery/pastry? Check.

Balloons... lots and lots and lots... *ahem* A large quantity of Balloons filled with eight parts helium two parts standard air, specifically containing balloons in the ratio of two light blue for every one banana yellow per group, specifically suspended so that the banana yellow balloons are centralized in every group of balloons? Check.

Elements of harmony artifacts placed in centralized viewing pedestal in a circular pattern with the element of magic's tiara on centralized portion of pedestal encircled by other element artifacts? Che.. Bugger.

I sighed inwardly as the pedestal, minus the element of laughter, mocked me with their lack of cooperation. However, the possible culprits responsible for the missing artifact were easy enough to deduce, it was either:

A) Discord, the 'reformed' Draconequus who still caused enough chaos in the form of 'harmless' pranks to keep the guards of Canterlot Palace on their hooves at all times, lest the spirit causes some mischievous tragedy to befall any of the Palace's residents.

or

B) Princess Twilight Sparkle. One of the more recent princesses, if ninety five years could be counted as recent. She has recently taken a full-time position among the royalty, as per agreement with her mentor-now-coworker Princess Celestia. The exact details of the agreement were unknown to those outside of the royal family but it was easy enough for anypony observant to see that it had something to do with the other element of harmony bearers.

Specifically, after the last Element of Harmony passed away.

It was a grim day for Canterlot five years ago when the Element of Generosity, Rarity, passed in the Canterlot memorial hospital. Many tears were shed for unarguably Canterlot's most influential pony. The funeral was a private affair, with only Rarity's close friends and the royal family attending. The royal guard were also present for security purposes, although they were not able to observe the ceremony. I was a fresh recruit at that point, my first guard duty was to stand post outside one of the various outer gates of the Palace where the ceremony was being held.

This would also be the first time I 'officially' met Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Attractive would be a word that easily described her. Not that I was infatuated with her or anything! It's easy to compliment a nice looking mare, especially if you're constantly surrounded by idiotic stallions all day with little to no female company... And usually the female company were tougher than the males anyway. She had a black dress on, one obviously designed for a more morose occasion such as a funeral. It was obviously designed by Rarity herself absolutely spilling over with elegance and grace, even though there was a very limited color palette to work with: Black, sort of black, blacky grey, dark grey, very dark grey, I'm pretty sure this is black grey and charcoal (my personal favorite). The dress had been the final gift the fashionista would ever give Princess Twilight, rumor has it that the ever-stubborn mare had demanded that the Princess would wear her creation to her funeral on her deathbed lest she haunt the Princess for the rest of eternity.

She slowly trotted past me, her eyes were stained red from crying yet she still held a small but peaceful smile. Now usually guard duty consisted of you just standing there at 'attention' looking like the textbook definition of Justice and Responsibility. It did not say anywhere on how to respond to a high ranking member of society when they ask more... personal questions. Not to mention it wasn't just any high ranking member of society like Duchess Blueblood (apparently her ancestor used to be a prince, but the title was revoked due to some... embarrassing circumstances involving Rarity herself), but the top of the food chain! One of the Royal Princesses!

"What does it feel like, to be normal?"

The first thing to come to mind was: "Why couldn't you ask: 'what does it feel like to be asked awkward questions by somepony who could easily control the entirety of your future with a mere word?' because I could easily answer that right now!"

Let it be known that I hate awkward questions. Especially from royalty.

Keeping my expression as flat as possible (or at least, trying to not look like a cornered mouse), I slowly turned away from the Princess whom at this point had a rather curious expression, probably wondering what the strange guard was doing.

And ran the buck away.

I wasn't thinking at the time (obviously) and my nerves quickly overcame me causing my panicked fleeing. There was a reason I was guarding that specific gate, it was widely known among the guard as "dead colt's crossing" mainly because any guard posted there had a large chance of dying a slow and agonizing death. Caused by boredom. Rarely anyone ever used that entrance and it had been speculated among the guard that even the princesses did not know of that gate. But since it was officially a gate the job description for the Royal Guard officially stated that a guard has to guard it (or at least look like they were guarding it, lest a curious bystander wanders past and sees an unponied gate). Most ponies to guard this gate were usually guards who wanted to take a break from all the tourists coming up to the castle and wanted to sleep, or complete screw-ups who barely managed to get into the guard.

Ten points to whoever can guess which category I managed to fit into.

My cutiemark was a constant reminder to my limited success in the guard, a spear with an obviously blunt point. The rest of the guard mocked me for my cutiemark on a regular basis, although this wasn't a segregation issue, more of a: 'We really have nothing better to do so we're going to find anything funny looking about each other and absolutely pester the knobs out of each other until we drive each other batty'.

That expression became far more humorous when the Night Guard became officially reinstated.

The rest of the guards started calling me Blunt after seeing my mark even though it's not my real name, although it may as well be now since even my family calls me that now. My cutiemark story is less than impressive: my little sister and I were strolling through the Whitetail woods when a baby manticore suddenly jumped out of a bush and 'attacked' my sister viciously with its tongue. I, being the older brother and therefore far more brave, screamed like a little filly, grabbed a small stick and proceeded to retaliate by poking the manticore repetitively while my sister giggled under the vile beast while her face was being slobbered in saliva.

Long story short, I got my cutiemark while my sister got the coolest demon-spawn pet at school.

Back to Twilight though, after running a good twenty feet from Princess Twilight, I was reminded that Alicorns had magic and that Twilight in particular was especially adept in the arcane arts. A sudden 'pop' was heard directly to my right, as I turned to investigate I was surprised to find that Twilight had recovered from her initial shock of my escape and was staring at me with a slightly amused expression as she easily kept up with me in my frantic escape.

"You know, running away from me like this won't really work terribly well you know?" She smiled sweetly afterwards, although the small pulsating nerve on her temple suggested her current mood was far from sweet. That was when I had an epiphany, an ultimatum, the revelation.

'She was just at her friend's funeral you nitwit'

This was quickly followed by another, very obvious, thought.

'I am so bucked.'

Fear exponentially grew inside of me, I had probably just pissed off one of the most powerful entities known to pony kind just because I did not want to answer an awkward question. But I wasn't going to give up without a fight, no way! Even if the Princess could outrun me (which was impressive considering she was in a dress and not breaking a sweat) she couldn't possibly catch me if I just flew away!

Being a pegasus has it's perks.

Jumping into the air, I gleefully took off while savoring my sweet, sweet freedom. I'd have to fly far from Equestria, but at least I'll still be alive and free! There was no way I would just let myself be imprisoned, or banished, or imprisoned to wherever I'm banished to!... Actually that sounds like extreme overkill thinking about it now. But who cares! I was free! No more guards with an annoying sense of humor! No more aggravating nobles! No more members of royalty who ask awkward questions! I was a free pegasus and there was nothing anypony could do to stop me! Bye bye Canterlot, forever~

My bout of musings was interrupted by a stern cough right beside me, I slowly turned to find the, now annoyed, face of Princess Twilight right in front of me.

Apparently a feather-brained pegasus can forget that Alicorns have wings too. Go figure.

Seizing me in her magical aura, I barely had time to gasp in surprise as I heard another *pop*. Suddenly I was back to where I started, in front of Dead Colt's gate... With a now irritated Princess Twilight... Cowering before her, I placed my hooves over my eyes and waited for my inevitable demise. It was a long tense moment as I waited for the bolt of lightning, or stream of absolute undiluted power to smite my quivering form.

Instead all I heard was a soft giggle from the Princess, who just looked at me in wry amusement. "Well that little chase certainly helped me from my slump, don't worry there won't be any punishment but remember, you do owe me now!" Her voice was more cheerful than before, which definitely was a good sign in my favor, but the reminder of a debt gave a sense of foreboding that did not suit her suddenly cheerful demeanor.

That was five years ago now, no favors had been called since then nor did she ever come to collect any debt of any kind, that is, until she suddenly requested me specifically to set up a rather elaborate party in the palace. Why she requested me, a guard, instead of a party planner or one of the senior servants to prepare it was beyond me, but her instructions were very specific and listed down in a rather extensive checklist. The preparations were all complete, except for the element of laughter. I knew little of the history of that particular element, the bearer had died some fifteen years ago now and the Royal Guard didn't exactly require much knowledge in history to join.

Sighing a little as I realized my workload had suddenly increased I began walking over to the door to go to the Element's containment chamber, one of the various servants probably carelessly left it in there.

I was shocked when a very familiar magical aura grabbed me by the collar of my armor and started dragging me down the corridor at very, VERY fast speeds. Princess Twilight Sparkle, the pony currently wearing the missing Element of Laughter, was foal-napping me.

"This place is boring! Let's go find something interesting!"

Author's Note

Okay, something that's been in my head for a while now. Let me know what you guys think!

Any feedback would be great, especially on Twilight's character, does she seem a little too OOC to begin with? Especially following Rarity's funeral? I am going to explain it in a future chapter why this was the case but do you think it's a little too odd right now?

Where the Laughter begins

The thing about being dragged against your will down a marble corridor, especially with hooves, is that you can't really do much to the offender without trying something stupid.

I don't think Princess Twilight would enjoy stupid.

Resigned to whatever fate beheld me in the future I decided just to try ride it out, I didn't really have to do anything although pain was an ever constant reminder of how sharp the edges of my armor is. The collar was pressed against my neck in such a fashion that there was bound to be an indented line on my coat once the offending piece of metal released it's vice like grip on my neck. It would probably help if Princess Twilight released her own vice like grip on my collar.

All I could do at this point was just sigh and accept my fate. I couldn't do anything to Twilight, even if I wanted to she was powerful enough to teleport me to the sun and back just for a little bit of fun. Although thinking about it, that wouldn't be terribly fun or funny for me at all: 'Oh yeah just got teleported to the sun and back, it was a lot of fun even though I pretty much disintegrated the microsecond I arrived at the sun'

...This is a really long corridor...

Seriously, where are we now? I never recalled the palace having a corridor this long, the Princess had never deviated from the straight path she was taking and at the speeds we were travelling we should have reached the other end of Canterlot by now. Strange looking portraits too, they seem to be getting more and more chaotic as we go on...

...Oh... Discord's place.

The Draconequus' private quarters, it wasn't that anypony was forbidden from entering this particular section of the palace. Just that, if you wanted to willingly enter you had to either be stupid or mad. The corridors seemed to be sentient, moving and changing routes when you weren't paying attention, or so legend states, and the paintings seemed to be alive and stare at any passerby with malicious eyes. Even if you had a detailed map of the corridor features seem to change almost daily so it was almost impossible to have any sense of direction.

That being said, it has become an induction challenge for any new recruits to try break into the chambers. None have succeeded, ever. Luckily the corridors carry sound well or nopony would have heard the distressed wailing's of lost guardsmen and the occasional servant.

Decoration upon decoration flitted past my vision as the Princess started galloping towards an empty bookshelf at the apparent end of the corridor. I felt my eyes nearly pop out of my sockets when I realized she wasn't going to stop and that she lowered me in front of her to use as a pseudo battering ram, feet first luckily. Screaming in terror I braced for what was probably be a very painful experience. I wouldn't say my demise since I'm pretty sure Princess Twilight wouldn't intentionally try killing one of her subjects.

Right?

Regardless, I felt the bookshelf impact my legs and surprisingly it gave way without effort, as if it was a secret door of some kind. Actually, a door made a lot of sense considering the corridor ended with the bookshelf and nothing else. No wonder no one could find the exit to this crazy place.

"Ah, Twilight Sparkle, just the pony I wasn't expecting to bust through my door" said Discord, his tone was a mixture of fake mockery and confusion. The room was surprisingly simple for a spirit of chaos, the floor and walls were just a plain white and in the center of the room where Discord sat was a white pedestal, something similar to what you'd find in the royal gardens. "What are you doing here? And what are you doing to that guard?" Thank you for noticing! Now help me please!

"Oh come on Discord, you know why I'm here!" Twilight said, her tone still happy from when she foal-napped me. Discord stared at her with an ever growing perplexed expression, it was a novel thing to observe the embodiment of chaos become confused, unfortunately that also meant he either did not notice my silent plea for help or chose to ignore it. "Think! What day is it today?" Twilight continued, raising my struggling figure above the floor a bit more so I couldn't try running off again.

Discord's perplexed expression quickly changed to one of concern, apparently today was something important to the both of them. Whatever the reason, I really didn't see why the Princess had to drag me here instead of a rational alternative. Like I dunno, asking me?

But Enough was enough! I am a stallion! A stallion of the guard! I would not be held down like a prisoner for no good reason! I will be brave! Yes! I will break out of Princess Twilight, bearer of Magic's magical grasp and... Actually, I don't think I stand a chance against Princess Twilight no matter the circumstances... Oh well, may as well give up all hope then for my safe departure from this land of pandemonium.

"Why am I even here?" I whimpered, I could barely feel my neck anymore at this point. I could not really care less as to why I was here at this point, the rumors of the royal family being full of loons was quickly becoming far more credible than I first thought... Don't tell Princess Luna that, she might take offence at the term 'loon'.

That's when everything went all weird. The Princess suddenly drops me on the spot causing a small squeaking noise (I swear on my pride as a stallion that it wasn't me) and takes off the Element of Laughter and quickly places the artifact around my neck. "To be the next Element of Laughter of course!" She states simply. My jaw drops at her proclamation, the rumors are definitely true, the country of Equestria is being run by madponies. Goodbye sanity, I will miss the times where you made everything make sense.

"What! I can't be an Element! Definitely not the Element of Laughter!" I shouted, the level of crazy was getting ridiculous although I had a feeling no matter how far I run I would never escape from this asylum. Plus, the Element of laughter was a mare's necklace, and I certainly wasn't going to go around wearing female clothing/accessories no matter what the consequences.

"Well you do look pretty funny" Discord stated simply, the way he offhandedly commented caused the insult to go by unnoticed until I finally processed exactly what he said.

"Hey!"

Discord suddenly turns to the Princess, ignoring my outburst completely. "You know that this won't work Twilight, what are you possibly trying to gain from this?" I felt a sudden change in atmosphere around the Princess, whatever Discord was talking about it certainly has struck a nerve.

There was a bout of silence, Twilight seemed to have the energy drained from her and her facial features were obscured by her hair as she looked at the floor.

"It's been fifteen years now Disc" Twilight stated simply, I had no idea what she was talking about but apparently Discord did as he sagely nodded. "It certainly has been a long fifteen years that is for sure" he replied. Now I was completely lost and sitting between this serious exchange between the two, maybe they wouldn't notice if I sneaked out...

I've never really been a tactful pony, but why does everything have to be so serious suddenly? It was all silly a couple of minutes ago with the whole 'being dragged down a never ending corridor by a princess' but now everything is so dramatic and I can't take drama! Stupid dramatic tension.

"Pinkie was such a good friend, one of the best" Discord continued on. "But what you're doing right now won't change anything, you know that!"

"Yeah I know that! That's why I want to find other ponies who could bear the elements! That way I might find ponies who are at least similar to them!" Twilight suddenly cried out. Her tone wasn't sad, more convicted. "Anyways, do you know how boring it has been without them?" She suddenly said, she had a slightly irritated expression now and her twitchy eye and disheveled hair gave a manic look that worried me. A lot. "I mean, yeah it's sad that they're gone now but now all I can think of is how much I miss being around ponies like them! Thinking about it rationally: I'm going to live forever, just like Tia and Luna! I may as well keep making friends instead of being around those boring nobles all the time!"

Bye bye dramatic tension, you shan't be missed.

Discord looked absolutely speechless, I wish I had a camera since I don't think anypony has ever seen an expression quite like his before. After a brief pause in which Discord managed to recollect himself, he slowly studied Twilight in what seemed to be an attempt to gauge her reactions. "You seem to be taking the passing of your friends quite well" he slowly stated, he was approaching this slowly and carefully.

Quite weird considering he was the spirit of chaos.

"Well of course" said Princess Twilight "They were my best friends! It's hard for me to be sad when I think about them!"

Wait, shouldn't you be sad if you're thinking about your deceased friends?

"Yeah I'll miss them, but I managed to spend the entire duration of their lives with them! No regrets! We did everything together!" She ranted on.

Define 'everything'?... My male mind is going to get me killed someday.

As the princess continued with her tirade, I sat with my back against the door lest I needed a quick escape. But for now this was far too interesting an opportunity to pass up. Discord sat on his pedestal with a curious expression, it appeared that even he could not expect such a reaction from the Princess.

"But what does he have to do with any of this?" Discord asked while pointing a talon towards me. No! Bad! No attention! Less attention means less trouble! The princess quickly turned and regarded me with a curious expression.

Oh bugger, attention has been received. Abort. Abort. Retreat. Do something to get rid of attention.

"Well... He looked interesting I guess" She stated simply. Oh thanks, 'looks interesting' is a great way to describe someone.

"That's it? That's the only reason you chose him among the whole guard to drag into this?" Discord deadpanned, apparently he was looking for a far more interesting reason. I would've like one too at this point, I don't think my pride could take any more damage after what has happened today.

"Well, yeah that's about it really" the princess simply concluded. I felt my pride shatter into a million pieces at that, it wasn't a great loss though considering I had very little to be proud about at that point.

I was quickly starting to lose interest now that attention had been directed towards me, I knew enough about myself already I didn't need anypony else examining me as well! Finding that boredom was quickly encroaching upon my mood I started to zone out the conversation between Discord and the princess since all they were doing was describing me in comparison to the rest of the guard. Considering that our coats were bleached white and we all wore blue contact lenses to look the same there wasn't really that much to compare.

I started to fiddle with the element around my neck a little, it was an impressive piece of jewelry that was for certain. Unfortunately due to me being distracted I missed out on most of the important details of the conversation. That is, until I heard what I was conscripted into.

"...And that's why he'll help me find the new element bearers!"

Oh. Joy.

Author's Note

Does it seem odd that I keep referring Twilight as 'the princess'?
Reason being that I'm trying to keep in character as a guard in a first person perspective, but if does seem odd it can easily be edited out, any opinions on this matter?

The ending does seem a little off but it is supposed to be a set up for the next chapter, apologies if this does irritate anyone's pet peeves.

-Beginning of the laughter arc-

Ghosts of Giggles past

Sunlight filtering through smokey windows while dust hangs in the air, recently disturbed.

Air reeks of distress and/or failure with the hint of muskiness, most likely from a drunk individual who was feeling particularly frisky.

Clattering of unsteady hooves along with groans of possible agony along with what possibly could be described as legible Equestrian.

Spilled contents of what could be presumed as Cider, one or two bowls of peanuts which had been left relatively undisturbed.

Solid wood bench made of fine mahogany, area of import unknown.

Head placed on said bench, large headache causing thought patterns to emulate Mr. Downeigh Junior's performance of Sherclop Pones.

Conclusion: I must be in a bar.

Ah yes, a bar, specifically the 'Shady Trough', an establishment in which the Canterlot Royal Guards frequent. It was one of the few places where sorrows can be forgotten without being disturbed, mainly because Cider has an infamous history of causing short-term amnesia and nopony wanted to try dealing with drunk guards.

To my left I see around three other fellow guardsmen. The task of identifying each of them at the moment seems nigh impossible due to the obnoxious hammering my brain is receiving which is apparently the body's natural reaction after receiving too much alcohol in one night.

Bar's tended to be good, or at least average, places for celebration. The particular event which was supposedly being celebrated? My apparent conscription into Princess Twilight's services, the first ever guard she has ever personally commissioned to completing a task for her. A dragon by the name of Lord Spike used to do these odd jobs for her beforehand which is why there was a lack of job requests from Princess Twilight for the guard. But due to dragon biology, Lord Spike had to undergo hibernation for around five years. The only reason it wasn't any longer was due to his Pony upbringing and his apparently recent introduction into adolescence in terms of a dragon's lifespan.

I've only seen Lord Spike once, he was wise for an adolescent dragon, very mature too... That is, when he's sober. It was at the Shady Trough where I met him oddly enough. It was around five years ago the week after the Element of Generosity's funeral. He caused quite a ruckus when he plodded into the bar, absolutely terrified the bar-pony as well. I didn't get to talk to him though, I've seen him around the castle once or twice but never actually got to speak with him then either. The ensuing mess he caused by drinking just a little too much would go down in bar history, luckily all the publicity the bar received from getting trashed by a pseudo member of royalty managed to get the establishment up and running again in no time.

Anyways, it seems that my 'services' were required by royalty and therefore I had to comply. Discord's reaction after Princess Twilight's announcement was... humorous to say the least. His jaw had unhinged completely and fell to the floor, the rather disturbing sight was accompanied by his eyes going completely bug-eyed while he processed exactly what the princess had just said. The exact assignment was rather vague but promised to take up a very large amount of time.

"Remember: Laughter, Honesty, Generosity, Loyalty and Kindness! You need to find ponies who excel at these traits and invite them to Canterlot castle!

To be honest, it just sounded like Princess Twilight was being rather lazy in the PR department.

Becoming zoned out in my thoughts certainly helps my fight against the foul beast that is a vicious hangover. However, being pulled from my stool by my ear and silently (By the puller that is, I'm pretty sure I was shouting at how painful the entire experience is) guided to the backdoor of the bar snapped me out of my thoughts very quickly. I didn't really put much of a fight up at this point, mainly because it was too painful to do anything when in a hangover. All I know is that it was a unicorn dragging me, the telltale glow of a magical aura surrounding my ear.

I was rudely dumped outside the door, the culprit responsible for my removal from the bar trotted in front of me as I curled up into a ball on the ground. It must have been the back alley of the bar since there was little amount of noise and light, plus the place smelt like absolute manure.

"Don't hurt me! I can't do anything with a hangover!" I groaned, the harsh treatment caused my head pains to flare even more and now I barely was able to keep coher... artacula... manageable thoughts. She rolled her eyes at my less than heroic attempt at self-defense. Nevertheless, I suddenly felt a wave of magic pass over my head, dulling the thumping sensation of my headache.

This is the second time I've been foal-napped this week, but at least the treatment could be considered 'better' in this instance.

'No more hangover! Yeah!'

As I looked up I suddenly see the mystery pony who was dragging me, the pony was an adult mare, quite attractive as well. She had a pure white coat with a dark aqua mane and eyes, in a way her color scheme was simple yet still drew attention.

"Listen well" the mystery pony suddenly says, by the way she presented herself I could easily tell that she was used to being in a position of authority.

"It has come to our attention that you have been selected by Twilight Sparkle to... obtain new bearers for the Elements of Harmony" she says ominously, her voice was the definition of foreboding.

"Woah, hold up, how in Equestria do you know that?" I ask. Seriously, is this unicorn part of some serial stalker group or something? No one besides the guards in the bar knew, and they took me out as soon as they heard from me about what happened. In short, there was no way that this mare should be able to know about my job with Princess Twilight... Unless I blurted it out in the bar last night... This assignment wasn't supposed to be a national secret was it?

The fact that she said 'our' instead of 'my' also intrigued me, that meant that there were others who also knew. Depending on who these 'others' are I might just decide to run away instead of following through with Princess Twilight's task, it might be safer in the long run.

"That is none of your concern" She replies disdainfully. She must be a noble judging by the way she's acting, all high and mighty, treating ponies of the 'lower class' like dirt. I snort in disgust, I had to keep the peace in Equestria, it doesn't say anywhere that I have to be polite or cooperative, especially to an individual who had just abducted me.

"Someone's a bit full of themselves aren't they?" I'm just trying to annoy her now, maybe she'll go away if I annoy her enough.

"Enough you Foal!" She snapped suddenly, I think I ran through her temper far faster than I thought I could manage. The mare suddenly went from being an annoyance to a complete nightmare. There are many things that fear can do to a pony, including making gulps sound ten times louder than they should.

She sneered at my very obvious fear as she pressed on with a new found advantage. "It's just like you mortals to always fear an obviously more powerful being"

...Say what?

"Mortals?" I was completely bewildered and my voice started cracking with nervousness. This whole situation was starting to become bizarre. Well, more bizarre than randomly being forced out of a bar by an unknown mare. "More Powerful being?"

"You may call me... Laughter" The mystery mare said while performing a mocking bow. Laughter? Was this just some joke?

"Laughter... As in the Element? Miss, you sure you didn't hit your head on something?" I snark back, my fear had been deflated by the mare's ridiculous statement, it resurfaced quickly however when she glared at me.

"You will be wise to heed my words mortal" She spat, magic arced from her horn suddenly and the world seemed to suddenly distort. It was a raw display of power, whatever she was doing it most certainly was not an illusion. "I may be an Element of Harmony, but that does not mean I have limitless patience". The world around me was still distorted and the mare's visage suddenly seemed to become far more threatening.

Nodding numbly, I decided that maybe I should listen to her first... Just in case she turns out to actually be an all powerful being able to smite me down faster than I could blink.

Seeing my compliance, the mare stood in front of me menacingly. "What does Twilight plan to do with the new bearers?" her tone was still quite menacing.

"She just wants to be friends with them!" I squeak, it was quite a dignified squeak! The mare was scary! "Why is this so important for you anyways?" I manage to ask, my curiosity was becoming larger and larger from the peculiar set of circumstances I suddenly found myself wedged into.

"The Elements serve Equestria as a whole, but Twilight Sparkle still possesses the Element of Magic. If she were to fall, then so shall all the other elements." she replied seriously, I couldn't hear a trace of humor or joviality in her voice despite her being the Element of Laughter. There was a pregnant pause as the white mare seemed to contemplate the information she had been given. "Very well then. We shall fulfill her request, she wants friends that are similar to the previous bearers? Then she shall receive these friends, all for the stability of Equestria."

"But then, you aren't here to be friends with her... You're only here to fill an obligation! You will be just like the nobles she meets everyday who try and curry her favor! You will not be the type of friends she needs!" I shout out, the way she seemed to regard Princess Twilight was quickly becoming very concerning.

"Then what do you suggest, mortal?" The element inquired, her voice straining against her diminishing patience.

"I'll go and find her true friends" I said, I wasn't really thinking about the consequences of what I was saying at that point but I was on a roll! "Friends whom her majesty deserves, not false acquaintances attaching themselves to her due to circumstance!" It felt oddly dramatic when I finished speaking, I was never one for drama but I think I managed to pull it off quite well.

"Okey-dokey then!" The element suddenly stated, her sudden change in demeanor definitely took me off guard. "Now say the Pinkie Promise!" She said, she was practically bouncing on the spot in excitement now and her previously white coat was developing a slight shade of pink. This would be worrying enough to begin with but when I noticed her horn receding into her skull and her hair poofing out while changing from dark aqua to dark pink I nearly freaked out, luckily I managed to retain my composure.

"DEAR CELESTIA! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOUR HEAD!" I screamed out with what could be described as an unnaturally high tone for a stallion my age. Hey, mutating ghost unicorns are freaky!

The mare started to giggle as she finished her transition from a white unicorn to a pink earth pony. Now I wasn't sure if this was all real or just some messed up hallucination... actually that makes a lot more sense than being confronted by the living embodiment of an Element of Harmony.

Suddenly the pink mare giggled "No silly, this is just a convenient point in the story-line where I can get some screen time! And there's nothing wrong with my head!" She huffs.

What. Wait, did she just read my mind? What did she mean by screentime? Story line? Since when did my roller-coaster of drama take a turn into crazy town?

"Now Pinkie Promise! Stop trying to delay it!"

This was so messed up... "What do you mean 'Pinkie Promise'? What in Equestria is a pinkie anyways?" I ask, somepony must have slipped a drug into my drink...

Before she can respond, the whole world starts to shake violently. I look at the pink mare who starts beginning to panic and looks at me with dilated pupils.

"Oh no! We've run out of time! Don't think you've gotten out of that Pinkie Promise just yet buster! I'll talk to you later!" She shouts at me as the whole world suddenly starts fading away.

I suddenly wake up on the table counter, my fellow guards still beside me passed out. Evidence of our late night drinking still sprawled around us. I must have dosed back off to sleep when I was thinking about yesterday.

Sitting up straight, I recalled exactly what happened in my dream. "What. The. Buck."

Oddly enough I don't have a hangover.

Author's Note

Sorry for the sporadic update schedule! I have exams for the next couple of weeks so it may take a while for me to pull out another chapter any time soon!

Plus, did my writing style change between chapter 2 and 3? It feels that way for some reason 0.o.

*This chapter is subject to revision once my exams are over, please post in the comments any criticisms that you want to point out*

Third Person Potion - Omake

Just a short little side story which has no real relevance to the overall plot of the main story.

Usually my job as a guard doesn't entail me to become a lab rat for an unknown potion. Unfortunately, Princess Twilight can be VERY persuasive when she wants to be, especially when my imminent future could easily be decided on whether or not I've annoyed her recently.

"Alright then! Now that you know what you need to do, let's begin!" chirped Princess Twilight, from my point of view it was easy to see that the princess was absolutely ecstatic, I myself am feeling a building sense of dread as the princess starts guiding me into a clean white room where the experiment was supposed to take place.

Maybe I should start running now? I heard the moon was nice this time of year.

To my disappointment, the door silently closed behind me. The lab was very well maintained and so there was no chance for any ominous creaking or other noises that would fit the mood. In front of me on a stool was a small flask with some weird looking purple liquid in it, the whole mixture didn't seem dangerous but then again even a bear could look cuddly before it mauls you to death.

"Well, here goes nothing" I sigh, I can just see the princess in my peripheral who was mashed up against the window with wide expectant eyes while a quill and parchment floated beside her, surprisingly Discord was also standing beside her with a bemused expression at both my predicament and the princess's antics. The scene would have been funny had I not been engulfed with an increasing sense of doom.

Grabbing the flask, I slowly brought it up to my lips and prepared myself for the worst. Inhaling slightly I managed to catch the familiar small scent of sugar intermixed with various other very herbal smells, mainly grass surprisingly enough. Summoning forth the last of my courage I quickly squeezed my eyes shut and tipped the contents of the flask into my awaiting mouth.

It tasted a bit like a mixture of cough syrup and wine actually, I was expecting a more vegetable juice flavor but the entirety of the taste made it seem more like a luxury drink which only the high class would appreciate. The potion didn't seem to be having any immediate effects but then again, the Princess did say it would take a little while for the potion to start working... or something like that, what did she say exactly?

"You have to consciously recall a certain event of your past, or you have to start thinking in a way which is different from your current perspective before the potion's effects will be able to show"

The guardsmen stood, awkwardly holding the flask as he wondered what exactly the potion was supposed to do to him. Shock suddenly courses through him as he begins hearing a voice inside his own head. It seems as if the voice was narrating his thoughts in an odd, detached kind of way. Panic suddenly sets in as the guard was unable to orientate his thoughts properly, the sudden inability of coordination causes him to stumble as his eyes start to spin.

Through the window which served as a viewing portal for anypony outside the room the sound of a quill furiously scratching its way across a piece of parchment could be heard. The Princess was observing the reactions of the guard as the potion took effect while trying to take as many notes as possible. Suddenly laughter broke out from the creature beside her as he saw the guard stumbling around the enclosed room. The draconequus suddenly asked, "Twilight, what in the world have you done to that poor stallion?" he giggled, his voice was full of mirth.

The guard jolted up in surprise, he wondered how he had heard all the things outside of the room he was confined into which had been previously soundproof prior to him drinking the potion. He could also 'see' the Princess and Discord standing in the viewing room but couldn't seem to 'read' their thoughts like how he could read the thoughts of the guard in the test room.

Suddenly Discord picked up the reference book which Princess Twilight had made the potion from. "So this is where you got the potion from? Ah, Zecora of course! She was always always fun to prank what with slipping a few ingredients into her potions when she wasn't looking. Absolutely harmless of course" Said Discord as he idly looked through the books contents.

"So this unnamed potion over here? Ah yes the title has been somewhat smudged out and it is rather vague on what it does..." mused the draconequus. The guard had given up moving at this point, staying perfectly still and regarding his mysterious new ability to hear through walls.

"Let's see here: 'From this potion you shall see, what it feels like to view from three', all rather cryptic isn't it?" Discord said. The Princess turned to face him since her test subject had stopped doing anything interesting, "I already told you, I was given this book by Zecora before she moved back to Zebrica but I still can't figure out what half these potions do! What is with these Zebra's and rhyming!" She shouted, frustration evident in her voice.

"Well, we may as well ask poor Blunt there shouldn't we? It looks like nothing physically has changed about him but who knows, it may have been just an exotic drink of some kind" drawled the Draconequus. The guard sat there, hoping that they had a way to reverse the potion's effects, maybe then he'd tell them what drinking the potion had done to him.

The guard groaned as one last thought passed through his head: The moon was definitely better than this.

Author's Note

This was written mainly after the concept of a small story changing perspectives suddenly was introduced to me, specifically: trying to write a first person character in third person. Bit odd since I had to try think of how I'd reference myself if I was suddenly bunged out of my body. The main storyline will continue with the next chapter.

Attack on Laughter, the fall of Woona

Guard (noun): A pony who keeps watch, especially a soldier or other pony assigned to protect a pony or to control access to a place

That is the definition of my job according to Lord Ox of the Ford fiefdom. What started as a neighbouring independant settlement which prosperred into a small country under Lord Ox's guidance until his unfortunate passing. The fiefdom itself is now highly recognized as holding one of the top academic institutes of the world, second only to Twilight's school for gifted ponies (an academic institute replacing Celestia's school for gifted Unicorns which started swiftly after Princess Twilight's coronation).

Although given the recent tasks that I have been given I wouldn't be surprised if Princess Twilight and Lord Ox had very different definitions regarding the noun 'guard'. There was the party I had to set up, I have to find ponies (preferably not a noble (direct orders from Princess Twilight herself)) which exhibit a definitive quality which correlates with the elements, and now I've been assigned personally by Princess Twilight to place some strange blue flowers underneath Princess Luna's throne pillow. Apparently this was supposed to emit some king of 'herbal stress-relief' since Princess Luna was apparently being "A real grouchy-pants" according to a giggling princess.

The throne room bore a single throne which was able to be relocated for a variety of reasons. Each Princess had their own throne, since the three different Princesses held court at varying times of day/night by themselves there was no need for three thrones to be present unless for a formal event, in which case all three thrones could be brought out, if not the Princess who was holding court had their throne out front and center while the other two thrones were placed in a 'holding chamber' around the back of the throne room. This system was formed by the triarchy roughly six months ago so that they would all seem equal, although the rumours of each princess constantly defacing each others thrones could say otherwise (The rumour started circulating roughly one month after the system had been instated after a magical paint enchantment of 'Luna wuz here' and 'down with SunnyButt/SparkleButt' was found emblazoned on Princess Celestia's and Princess Twilight's thrones, the culprit has yet to be found).

Luckily for me, the palace staff had already replaced Princess Twilight's throne from dusk court with Princess Luna's. That meant all I had to do was slip the flowers under her throne pillow and be off, although why Princess Twilight didn't request for the flowers to be placed in a vase beside the throne was beyond me, I being a lowly guard though did not question the Princess or her apparent insanity.

Being around Discord so much must change ponies... Even without his magic influence.

After ceremoniously dumping the flowers under the pillow I fished out the list of tasks I was given from my chestplate. Oddly enough the only other task was to rest until Night Court, although the ominous mesage of 'you're going to need it' did set me on edge. Regardless, a nice nap did sound good after the rather boring day so I quickly trotted off back to the barracks to catch a couple of hours of sleep before having to attend night court.

...

...

...

Well...

I woke up with a start, rubbing my eyes with my hoof while having an increased sense of forboding afflicting my every move. Clambering off my bed I slowly made my way to my storage chest in the foot of my bed, everything seemed bigger and heavier than usual causing me to suspect that something was wrong.

This fear was confirmed after I put my chestplate on.

Or at least, tried to.

The whole chestpiece was more akin to a shield than an actual chestplate for me now as I held the overly large plate in front of me in confusion, the plate had somehow expanded unless I had shrunk... It was not until I leaned over to look into my storage chest, specifically after I crossed my hind legs that I felt like something was missing.

Something VERY important.

Shakily looking back on my undercarriage I could only scream after confirming my suspicions.

"WHERE IS MY DI..."-"PRIVATE! PRINCESS TWILIGHT REQUIRES YOUR PResence..."

My captain had burst into the barracks hollering on the top of his lungs, luckily every other guard was absent (another night in town probably) in the small six pony room or I'd never hear the end of my sudden sex change. His volume change from shouting to blubbering was probably attributed to his gawking at my newly acquired my female form, specifically my flank. Whether i was to identify me or because there was suddenly a female posturing her flank in the air was something I really did not want to confirm.

The captain seemed flustered for a moment before breaking out of his awkward gawking while muttering something along the lines of 'stranger things have happened', he the promptly snapped his attention to me.

"Princess Twilight requires your presence, get going now" he ordered.

"But my armor sir!" I stated with a voice that was uncomfortably high.

"Princess Twilight already said that you had to come immediately regardless of your situation, that means go NOW!" he barked before briskly turning around and trotting away. He was taking this rather well it seems, far better than I currently am that's for sure.

Resigning myself to my fate, I start plodding my way to the throne room ensuring I take the guard access corridors, a corridor complex used to make guards seemingly appear out of nowhere privately and secretly.

It took a good couple of minutes to finally get to the throne room entrance, I placed my hoof on the door and sadly sighed to myself, with the guards already in the room there was no way I would be able to escape notice, and once they see my cutie mark there would be no way I would be able to escape the taunts and jeers for months to come. Still... To turn back now meant disobeying Princess Twilight and I had already learnt that escaping the Princess was impossible, and that was when she was in a good mood, the last thing I needed now was her ire towards me. Applying pressure to the door I managed to get a crack open when the whole door flew open in a field of lavender magic. The magic field then quickly enveloped my whole body before yanking me out into the throne room.

It was a disorientating experience which only lasted just a moment before I landed heavily onto a cushion, after my head cleared up I turned to spot my offender, who of course was Princess Twilight. Before I could say anything though she quickly stuffed a hoof in my mouth while expectantly looking towards Princess Luna with a sparkle in her eye.

"Shh, this is going to get really good really soon" She whispered at me. I tried to speak but the orifice obstructing object that was the Princess's right hoof was stopping any coherent speech.

When the Princess turned around to face me, probably to silence me further, her facial expression made me realize one thing.

She had yet to see what I looked like.

Her face promptly flushed as her cheeks swelled in an attempt to contain her laughter. With a brilliant flash she disappeared from the room, drawing the attention of a couple of bystanders but no pony else other than that.

I was uncomfortably sitting there for a good five minutes before a near fully-composed Princess reappeared in a more sedate flash.

She leaned over conspiratorially before whispering "did you happen to touch those flowers that I told you to place under Luna's cushion?"

"...yes?" I really did not want to know where this was going...

"Do you know of the flower called 'Poison Joke'?"

"...Not really ma'm..."

The Princess's posture straightened to what the guards notoriously call 'lecture mode'... uh oh.

"Well Poison Joke is a plant indigenous to the Everfree forest, this plant is the least recorded plant on record due to its unexpected nature and how it reacts to nearly any recorded material on lab record. The only one reaction which can be guaranteed is on the biological level, any creature which comes into physical contact with Poison Joke is guaranteed to have some form of prank played onto them, while the prank is random the effect is always malicious but never lethal and always singular. No more than one joke will be placed onto one pony per time".

A small glow was emitted in the direction of the throne catching Princess Twilight's attention, with a grin she pointed her hoof.

"And there is exhibit B!" She chuckled

There sitting on her throne was an alicorn filly who bore a shockingly similar appearance to Princess Luna, she even had the Princess of the Night's death glare perfectly emulated. With a crack of lightning the throne room shook as Princess Luna's voice boomed through the room in the signature Canterlot Royal Voice.

"DISCORD!"

Behind me a very small draconequus suddenly appeared while muttering.

"Wittle Woona always blames the big, bad spirit of Chaos".

Author's Note

Back~~~
3/4 of the story was written on an iPad due to laptop complications so sorry for any grammatical errors, they will be combed over and fixed once I have access to a computer~
University is officially over for the year! Which means, more time for me to do stuff~!...
I am luckily (and unfortunately) travelling overseas for a small duration of the holidays so I won't be back for terribly long BUT I also won't be gone for as long as I was!
I am sorry for the long wait and to anybody following the story I am sorry about the wait, I'll try keep a schedule this time D:
Feel free to spam me to make a new chapter if I'm gone for longer than you like though~

Nightmare Moody

Déjà vu

That summarizes my situation perfectly, being carried in the magical aura of a particularly pedantic pony princess...

Who happened to be laughing maniacally while galloping along with her asymmetric accomplice Discord as they both were trying to evade the capture of a fundamentally flustered filly who just happened to be throwing rather dangerous looking bolts of magic towards our fleeing group.

Although I must admire the fact that Princess Luna was perfectly demonstrating that anger was indeed compressible.

The bolts of magic ("The Royal Canterlot Taser"...patent pending) were steadily streaming from Princess Luna's horn as she continued her chase. Pots perished, statues suffered, walls wrecked, tapestries totaled, carpets combusted, and yet the two meddlesome monarchs were not marked even once.

I wish I could say the same for myself...

I had to commend Princess Twilight for creating the spell, the ability to subdue a creature or pony reliably at a distance without risking serious injury to either of the two individuals in conflict was perfect for the relative utopia of Canterlot. I just wish that Princess Twilight didn't teach Princess Luna the spell...

I had been hit about four times now due to the erratic movements of my female form bobbing around in the air... embarrassingly enough it was mainly my bu... posterior... that was being struck. Fortunately since the spell contained a numbing sensation after being struck the second bolt onward was hardly noticeable.

"GET BACK HERE YOU CHARLATANS!" Squeaked Princess Luna behind us, I couldn't help but giggle at how Princess Luna now sounded in combination of her Royal Canterlot Voice.

The thing about the Canterlot Castle corridors is that they all look the same, if you're running (or in my case, being carried) at high speeds through the corridors it can be very difficult to determine exactly how far and how long you have been going for. So I just decided to just sit back and try relax as much as my stinging posterior would allow while the endless cycle of being chased continues.

The sudden sound of glass shattering and an abrupt scenery change indicated a change in the chase. Corridor walls became shrubberies, the floor became a carpet of green grass and the statues... Well they stayed pretty similar actually. Princess Twilight's aura still held me fast so I had no chance of escape... or ability to dodge any of the incoming projectiles that Princess Luna was spawning.

Looking forward I could see exactly where the devious duo (plus cargo of pegasus mare (me)) were heading, the Royal Hedge Maze. Infamous for being near impossible to navigate due to its magical nature shifting the maze paths without anyone noticing and made doubly hard after Discord added his own personal touch of booby traps, if anyplace could dissuade pursuit, especially from a moody monarch, it would be the maze.

The snap and crackle of rearranging branches was the only indicator of the maze rearranging itself as we entered, the entrance behind us closed before Princess Luna could pass through. A quick look behind ensured our temporary escape until the hedge wall promptly combusted and a scream could be heard from beyond the wall.

"I WILL GET YOU YET!"

The pace of the chase slowed down considerably now that we were safe within the maze, the Princess and Discord were both still giggling among each other and slowly progressing through the maze. There wasn't really a specific direction that they seemed to be heading but I had no say in the matter since I was still being suspended in the air by the Princesses magic.

"So Princess, who's the mare?" Discord suddenly asked while pointing a thumb in my direction.

The sudden pause in the Princesses step gave me a slight suspicion that I was completely forgotten. Her sheepish smile as she turned and nervous chuckle as she faced me only confirmed my suspicion.

"Aheheheh... Hi Blunt, how long have you been here for?" She asked, face tinting red with embarrassment.

I was flabbergasted, didn't you have to concentrate to carry something in magic? It explains why I was carelessly being tossed around the sky though, her magic field must subconsciously act like her tail judging by all the bobbing and weaving I was doing through the air.

"Wait, you were carrying me on accident?" The surprised squeak in my voice was embarrassing, doubly so by the fact that I myself found it quite cute. I am a stallion not a mare, I don't do 'cute'.

"I thought you were a book" Princess Twilight muttered while awkwardly pawing the ground.

Discord's cheeks suddenly inflated as he doubled over in laughter while my face turned red in embarrassment while a frown slowly adorned my brow.

"How could you mistake me for a book?" I asked while Discord suddenly stopped laughing for a second and looked directly at me and started slowly scanning down my body (which was creepy enough with the small grin he had plastered on his face) until his eyes settled upon my flank, specifically my cutie mark. At that point his eyes bulged out and he started howling with laughter as he fell over clutching his sides. Rolling around in the dirt his arm detached from his body and floated over beside me while pointing a quivering talon at my face.

Discord could barely speak as his laughter caused him to stutter uncontrollably. "You mean, this is the guard that you were dragging around the castle last week? Isn't she, sorry I meant he missing a couple of parts?" his words were barely understandable and I had to think about what he said before anything made sense to me, it didn't help that his floating arm started poking me in the sides. Meanwhile Princess Twilight started grinning and poking Discord with her hoof to stop him from rolling around.

"Well... He is a lot lighter as a mare now, and the book was pretty heavy too" chuckled Princess Twilight. So wait, I weigh about the same as a book!? "Oh yeah, I probably should grab the book now just in case shouldn't I?" said the Princess, seemingly to herself. With a flash a very large book appeared, after seeing the size of that tome I could see why I could have been mistaken for the book.

"That's a BIG book..." I muttered, the cover spinning into view as Princess Twilight turned the book in a second aura of magic. "It's been a while since I've read this" Princess Twilight said nostalgically .

'The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide.' Oh. She still was on her quest to find the Elements then?

Princess Twilight's ears suddenly perked up as if she heard a distant noise, the glow of her horn suddenly faded and I was unceremoniously dumped on my rump as the levitation magic holding me in place dissipated. Even Discord stopped rolling around as his ears rotated around trying to find the source of the apparent noise that they could hear but I couldn't.

A sudden blast to our left along with the ensuing cloud of smoke from the maze wall being obliterated slightly further down the maze was a clear sign of what both the Princess and Discord were trying to hear. An evil chuckle could be heard as a small figure strode out of the cloud, head held high in confidence and eyes filled with malice.

"What's black and blue and is about to show you the definition of pain?" Princess Luna, now donning her full Nightmare Moon regalia, squeaked out. The only problem with her threat was the fact that a small filly wearing over-sized armor would never look threatening. Seeing the image of her clumsy movements over broken branches set something off inside me as a I failed to stifle a chuckle. That of course, was the breaking point for Princess Luna who began to seethe in rage. Her eyes glowed as a dark aura covered her horn, a single bolt of magic shot into the sky and exploded and suddenly the air was filled with members of Princess Luna's night guard. A single bat-pony landed beside the filly princess and bowed while still keeping his eyes on us.

"Corporal Leviathan" said Princess Luna through gritted teeth (still looked adorable in filly form) "Take your squad and apprehend these scoundrels!"

Author's Note

Alliteration and References galore!

This will be my last update for a while (I think, depends on if I have internet where I go... and a Laptop/computer) unless I can finish the next chapter by tonight (Already have the details planned out, just the squiggly bits in the middle needs doing)

Blunt! I choose you!

Corporal Leviathan's eyes locked onto our group, slit pupils showing pure dedication to his cause. Crossing his right wing over his chest while bending his left wing just behind his withers he saluted in the peculiar fashion which the Night Guard adopted.

"It shall be done Princess" He stated before turning to the other night guardsmen hovering around behind him. "Guards! Seize Princess Twilight and the mare! Leave Discord to me!" He turned to Discord with nary an emotion on his face.

He must be a horror to play poker with.

There was a sudden flurry of activity as the Night Guard started to converge rapidly towards Princess Twilight, I was left alone for the most part since I only looked like a helpless bystander. Discord on the other hoof almost seemed aghast as corporal Leviathan sped towards him. It only took a second for the gap to close between the two but a second was all it took for the look of sheer horror on Discord's face to turn into a victorious smirk. With a snap of his talons Corporal Leviathan was suddenly encased in a pink cloud which stuck to him like glue. Momentum carried the smaller Corporal straight into Discord and the much fluffier thestral just bounced off the Draconequus like a ball.

Discord looked amused as he dramatically lifted a paw to his forehead in mock horror. "Oh woe is me! Thy valiant knight doth deliver a wound most foul!" Discord taunted, it was common knowledge that Princess Luna used to speak in ye olde Equestrian and that the use of the language near or around her was an easy one way ticket to the moon (Princess Luna can send ponies there too, it is HER moon after all).

Needless to say Princess Luna looked like she cranked her rage to eleven as dark flames sprouted behind her. Her eyes now burned with the fires of Tartarus as Discord continued to laugh in mockery of her past habits.

As was said long ago: Tartarus hath no fury like a mare scorned.

Princess Luna's horn blazed as a pillar of bright blue crystal emerged from the ground in front of her. It would have been impressive towering over the Princess if she hadn't been half my height at the time. Discord was still smirking and sauntering in a small circle as he shot mockery after mockery in old equish so he failed to spot the glowing glyphs start forming around the base of the pillar. I stared on in wonder of what the crystal was for as Princess Twilight suddenly cocked her head to the side and scrunched her nose as if she was trying to remember something as she stared at the crystal.

The glyphs suddenly detached and shot across the field before snaking around Discord, binding him to the spot as his smirk was replaced with a look of concern as he realized that he was unable to move. The Lunar guard just stood as stoic as ever beside Princess Luna but made no move to apprehend the defenseless Discord nor myself or Princess Twilight.

Princess Twilight suddenly gasped and gripped my neck in a hug of death as her eyes shone with excitement. At this point I was thoroughly lost as to why the Princess would be excited that one of our strongest dissuasion asset's had been taken out but the way her eyes shone as she pointed towards the bright blue crystal while shouting something along the lines of: 'Luna got out her Nexus!'. I wasn't sure what a nexus was but the way Princess Twilight was wording it made 'pulling it out' seem rather painful...

Princess Twilight suddenly declared to Princess Luna with her own gleeful shout "I challenge thee to battle!". It seemed far more formal than Discord's mockery of old equish but by the challenging smirk that spread across Princess Luna's muzzle it was something that she could accept to be said around her.

The ground in front of me started to tremble as a lavender crystal emerged. It rose slowly with runes dancing all over its surface, the sheer amount of magic radiating from it was enough to cause a chill to course through my body. So this is what the Princess of Magic is capable of, feats of magic so immense that the mere preparation for one could be felt. The runes leapt off the crystal pillar and surrounded the area around everyone in the maze in a sphere, at the same time Princess Twilight turned around her and fired off a magic spell which stopped abruptly in the air as the empty space distorted and then ripped as a portal appeared.

Meanwhile the runes continued to glow as the Princess turned to face her pint-sized rival again, with a smirk of satisfaction she started declaring what seemed to be... Terms and conditions?...

It must be the terms and conditions... more specifically the same type of terms and conditions you get when signing up for anything and everything... at least that was the feeling I had, it sounded just as boring as every other one I had been forced to read when joining the guard. (They make you read everything! Join the guard, please sign here after you have read these terms and conditions.)

"I agree" came the laid back reply from Princess Luna and Discord, oh good that meant that Princess Twilight had finished her spiel. I turned to see what she was up to when I was suddenly taken aback by how close she was to me, especially at how she seemed to nearly be glaring at me as she focused her entire attention towards me while itching with anticipation and impatience... Oh, was I supposed to listen as well?

"I uh... agree?" It sounded more like a question than an agreement but luckily for me the princess seemed far too preoccupied clopping her hooves together in glee rather than notice my lack of enthusiasm.

"Very well then! But since in this case my troop is affected by size we'll have to even the playing grounds a bit!"

Troop? Size? What was she talking about?

The runes around us shone brilliantly just as Princess Twilight and Princess Luna stepped out of the encompassing sphere. I was about to join them when Twilight's magic formed a wall right in front of me, stopping me from exiting the glowing rune-sphere.

"Nuh-uh Blunt, you're one of the players I've chosen so you. stay. right. there." She said, her magic shoving me back a couple of each inches with each pointed word.

Wait. Chosen? Chosen for what?

The rune-sphere suddenly starts contracting while the runes themselves start glowing even brighter than they were before. As a rune made contact with me my body suddenly felt an odd shriveling sensation. Well my body felt odd enough as is being a different gender and all but I didn't need more magic exacerbating things!

Feeling a little woozy I scrunched my eyes slightly as I felt my hooves suddenly stop making contact with the ground and a feeling of free-fall overtook my mind. The feeling of vertigo was intense and for a second I thought I was going to hurl, the world just kept rushing up towards me and my addled mind was spinning too fiercely to do anything about it.

That's when I squeaked as I bounced off the ground. With a mewl I slowly opened my eyes as the world felt like it was still spinning around me. Slowly the world seemed to slow down, objects were slowly returning to their usually definition as the hazy blur of dizziness was being expelled from my brain. As soon as I could make out the objects around me I slammed my eyes shut again, there was no way this was happening...

The crystal pillar that was beside me had turned into a colossal spire in comparison to my new size, a distance away I could barely make out the ant like thestrals who also joined me in my reduced height as they shook their own bouts of weariness away. One lunar guardsmen flapped a few feet into the air, waving his hooves about in an attempt to gain the attention of his fellow guards-ponies as he furiously kept pointing back towards their own blue spire. Behind the spire I could make out the Lunar Princess who looked far more intimidating now in her behemoth sized state, even if she still was a pint sized filly.

Princess Luna's eyes narrowed as her now vertically crippled guard retreated back towards the pillar that she created. She glared at Princess Twilight the portal behind her in contempt...

Actually, why was that portal there?

"Now that your players have been set, it's time to bring out my team!" Declared the Princess of Magic, "Come forth! Rodentia's Central Library Guardians!"

The portal swelled as a mischief of rodents appeared, each wearing a variation of dark-grey thick cloth armor. They scampered forth and gathered around the base of the crystalline, one rodent seemed to notice my presence and waved me over, with a small gulp I slowly trotted towards their group as they gathered into a circle while busily talking among themselves.

As I reached their group the rat who waved me over gave me a hearty slap on my withers. I winced as the rat pulled me in closer towards the (remarkably clean and well groomed) rodent circle as he started speaking with an oddly scoltish accent.

"A'ight everybody, we got a wee lass joinin' us in this li'l skirmish. Ye know the drill, get to yer preps and I'll make sure the girl knows what she got 'ta do" the rat said next to me. As the rest of the rats scurried off while fishing out various pieces of equipment the supposed leader of the group turned to me with a happy grin on his face.

I gulped and he started chuckling, apparently taking note of my nervousness. "Ah don't worry yer pretty li'l head wee lass, we got ye covered, just stick 'round fer a wee bit and Twiley over there will tell ye what ye got ta do." He vaguely gestured towards the princess as she held a rolled up parchment in her magic, must have magick'd it over here recently since I didn't see it on her at any point.

I turned back to the lead rat and was just about to ask about what he was talking about and why he was addressing the Princess in such a casual and familiar manner when said Princess's voice boomed from behind, the size difference making the Royal Canterlot voice into a physical barrier as it slammed into me and blew my mane forwards in a billow of messy hair.

"Alright everypony and everybody! Welcome the League of Saggitarius three!"

Author's Note

I HAVE STABLE INTERNET AGAIN~! T.T
Stated working on this story along with The Chronicles of Rodentia.
I'm currently torn between which story I should work on first, while The Melencholy has had far more success and I feel bad about leaving people without updates it's nice to start on my own universe (of sorts) and that's probably going to be one of the major projects I would like to work on for a little bit.
So what would you guys want more updates on?