The Conversion Bureau: A Kinder World

Chapters

Can't Deny Nature
Itinerary
The First Step
A Bump In The Road
Trouble
Borderline
Matriach
Weight
Inception
Power Play
Friends In Unexpected Places
The Flop
On The Brink
Heart of Hearts

Can't Deny Nature

TCB: A Kinder World

02 - Can’t deny nature

Applejack wrinkled her nose, and reached out with a hoof to touch the strange creature.

Like dull green lightning, the thing flipped itself over, and Applejack found her hoof in the grip of a limb that was, indeed, not unlike Spike’s claws. She looked at what seemed like the head of the creature; thick padding surrounded it, and the head sat in a cradle of armor, like a turtle or tortoise.

“Get away from me!” the decidedly male creature spat, voice emanating from the head, although Applejack couldn’t see a moving mouth. She suddenly winced, and let out a gasp of wind as she felt something hit her just below the ribcage.

Wheezing for breath, Applejack fell over, pushed off the creature by his other claw. The thing got to its two legs, and hunched over into an aggressive, almost feral pose as the sound of Rainbow Dash dislodging herself reached what passed for its ears.

“Hey, AJ,” Rainbow Dash said, shaking her head with a faint rattling sound. “What was that noise? Who was thaaaaaaaaugh!” Rainbow Dash pointed a shaking hoof at the bipedal creature. “What are you?” Her eye spotted Applejack on the ground, struggling to breathe. “What did you do to Applejack?!”

The two-legged creature looked from Rainbow Dash to Applejack uncertainly, and backed off hastily; almost stumbling, it crashed through the laboratory doors and the sounds of clumping steps rapidly moved up the stairs.

Rainbow Dash watched it go, and in a split decision, decided her priorities. In a blur, she was at Applejack’s side, holding her up.

“Applejack! Are you alright? Speak to me!”

“RD...” Applejack wheezed. “Ah’m just winded... go chase that thing!”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “No way. I’m not leaving you until I know you’re fine.”

“RD, you darn fool,” Applejack wheezed. “Ah told yer. Ah’ll be fine, go chase the thing!”

+==[~~~]==+

Twilight landed heavily on her side and slid a short distance on the harsh concrete floor, hooves still bound behind her back. A metal ring sat around her horn, and it only made her headache worse.

“Orichalcum ring, love,” one of the two legged things that had thrown her in sneered, reaching behind her back to unlock her hooves. “Good luck usin’ yer fancy magic now, bitch.”

With that elegant riposte, the solid, metal cell door was shut, and Twilight was left alone in a barely-lit concrete box. She looked around, rolling her shoulders and taking in her new surroundings. Against the wall, a thin fold-away bed was anchored, and in the corner was a bucket, half-filled with water. Twilight’s nose wrinkled as she walked over and sniffed it; it was not, evidently, for drinking.

In the ceiling, a single bulb of glass emitted light; Twilight stared at the wonder for as long as she could, before looking away, eyes watering and the image of the bulb burned into her eyes. It was like a small sun!

And, she thought glumly, that’s it.

It was indeed, it. The room was very sparse; no windows, one bulb high up in the ceiling, a grand total of two pieces of furniture, neither of which could (or should) be moved.

Twilight turned her attention to that damnable metal ring around her horn; as soon as she tried to do magic, it burned like fire, and chilled like ice, sending a lance of pain straight into her brain. Trying to move it with her hooves also proved impossible; she simply couldn’t pull hard enough without magic, and it felt like it was bolted or otherwise secured in place.

She gave up trying to remove what was clearly a limiter of sorts, clambered up onto the bed, and began to do what she did best: think.

+==[~~~]==+

Richard ran. Adrenaline hopped through his brain and his eyes darted left and right as he made his daring escape.

He was in a new place; as he finished ascending the stairs, he emerged into what looked like a library... if a library was built inside a tree. He looked around, hoping for a clue as to where he was.

Sunlight shone through the window - from the looks of it, high noon. He’d been out for nine hours or so. The statue in the centre of a table in the middle of the room was a carved unicorn head, and the books around him all bore the kind of titles one would associate with magical, talking horse interests. All of it was just reinforcing his first guess, the one he wanted to be wrong about at all costs.

Somehow... he was in Equestria. And he wasn’t dead. Richard checked his internals; they were off, and he was breathing the air. So either he was dead already, or he was going to explode into purple goop at the drop of a hat.

Richard shook his head. If it was going to kill him, it would have done it by now. Still, he couldn’t shuck the EOD suit - potion attacks came from anywhere, at any time. Only fools took their equipment off these days. Even in HLF bases, you kept your internals on-hand.

Richard moved swiftly to the door, beginning to sweat; the EOD suit was fine up in the north, but here in Equestria, it seemed like mid-summer - he was starting to overheat. With a bit of difficulty, he peeked out from around the corner of the doorway, and looked outside.

The village was infested with ponies. Thatched roofs and architecture that screamed ‘medieval fantasy’, ponies going about their damnable daily business...

Richard reached onto his back, and drew his shotgun, holding it ready. He had one chance to get out of town alive and human, and he didn’t want to mess it up.

+==[~~~]==+

The sound of milkshake gurgling its last filled the cafe air, and Bon Bon frowned.

“Lyra, do you really have to do that?”

“Do what?” the teal unicorn asked, quizzically, as she put the offending cup down and smoothed out a lab coat.

“Slurping your milkshake like that, it’s so...”

“Inevitable?” Lyra sat back on her chair, crossing her hooves. “It’s a fundamental law of milkshakes. You can’t drink one silently.”

Bon Bon sighed, and shook her head, changing the topic. “So, how are things at the university? I hear you’re making leaps and bounds in golem magic.”

“Oh yeah,” Lyra smiled. “Golems are the future, and we’re making it happen! Right now, we got them rolling about and following people, some can even answer questions!”

“Really?” Bon Bon tapped her chin with a hoof in thought. “Will they be able to remember recipes for me? Or read them out?”

“Why not?” Lyra spread her hooves out wide. “The world is our oyster! All we gotta do is work out how to get them using tools, and the applications are endless!”

Bon Bon leaned on her hoof, and smiled. “I love it when you get excited like this.” A cream hoof jabbed in Lyra’s direction. “But, uh, why are you wearing your lab coat?”

Lyra stood, and reared up on her legs, flaring out her lab coat with a flourish and crossing her hooves. “Because lab coats are cool!”

Bon Bon’s eyes went wide, and the hoof lifted, trembling, to point over Lyra’s shoulder. The teal mare just blew a puff of air dismissively, eyes closed and blind to the large shadow looming over her and her alone.

“Fear not, Bon Bon,” Lyra declared, gesturing theatrically. “I shall ensure that all ponykind benefits from the combined power of magic and science in complete saf-hurk!”

A thick limb wrapped itself around Lyra’s neck, and with a ruthless tug, pulled the smaller mare up so she was forced to remain standing on her rear legs. A long, metal tube was placed to the side of her head, and something dragged her backwards.

“Nobody move!” a voice shouted from behind Lyra’s ear, “Or the unicorn gets it!”

Nopony had any idea what ‘it’ Lyra would be receiving, but just based on tone and posture, they guessed it wasn’t good. They all obeyed the shouted order, and the voice grunted in satisfaction.

“Keep your hooves where I can see them!” the voice shouted, moving backwards still. Lyra struggled to escape the grip, and found it tightening for her trouble. Part of her was terrified blind. The other part was madly curious about this thing that had her.

It was moving... and it was using tools! At the same time! Without magic, it seemed! It was everything the lab had been looking for! All she had to do was find out how this thing worked, and she’d be set for life! Tenure, even!

“Ack- what-” Lyra drew as much of a breath as she could. “What... are you?”

“I’m a human!” the voice shot back. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know! You!” the voice went back into a shout, directed at somepony with saddle bags. “Hooves stay where I can see them! If I see any potion coming out, I blow this mare’s brains all over your pretty little streets!”

Lyra tucked her hooves into the limb and tried to loosen the grip, just enough so she could breathe properly. “How are you dragging me and walking at the same time without magic? You’re not using magic, are you? Do you have six legs?”

“No,” the human grunted, “I have two legs, two arms, and two hands! No magic! And I want it to stay that way, so forget asking me to join the herd or anything! And don’t even think about dousing me in potion! Especially you!” The long, metal object briefly left Lyra’s head, to point at another pony carrying a pitcher of purple fluid. “You stay still, you fucker! Don’t think I won’t shoot you!”

“Oh, no!” Lyra shook her head as much as she could, before the weapon returned to her head, quietly wondering what potion had to do with grape juice. “I need you, as you are! These... hand things,” Lyra gently tapped the human’s hands, “These hands will revolutionize everything! Imagine what a golem could do with hands!”

“Uh...” the voice had lost its certainty now. “You... you’re fucking with me, right?”

“Me? Fuck?” Lyra laughed nervously, the new word rolling around her head. “I don’t fuck! I would never dare! Perish the thought! Consider me fuckless!”

The human lapsed into concentration, only breaking its silence to bark orders at ponies passing by. Naturally, everypony who’d seen the human dragging Lyra wanted to see more of it out of curiosity or genuine concern, and before long, half the town was following Lyra and the human, and the human was getting increasingly nervous.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck,” the human muttered, clutching Lyra tighter. “I am so boned. Fucking dead. This was a baaaaad idea.”

“Why... are you... doing this?” Lyra squeaked, looking at nearby landmarks and guessing where she was. “If... you just wanted to walk out... of town... nopony... would have stopped you...”

“Yeah, that’s right,” the human nodded. “Then they would have hit me with potion on the way out. I’m not fucking stupid. If I feel like I’m starting to change, your head’s gonna have a hole in it the size of my fist.”

“But...” Lyra gasped. “That would... kill me! I’d be... dead! Nopony wants that! Least of all, me!”

“That’s the idea, you dumb pony!” the human exclaimed. “If I have you, and they don’t want to see you die, they’ll do things my way! I stay human, you stay alive, we all win!”

This puzzled Lyra. “But... you’re a human... why would you... want to be a pony?”

“I don’t! But since when have ponies cared about what humans want?” the human snorted. “You bombed us in our homes, you sabotaged our ships, you hunted us down like dogs! Just a splash of potion, and we’re fucking gone! Mindless slaves to your whore queen Celestia!”

“Hey!” Lyra choked. “Don’t talk about... the princess... that way!”

“I’ll stop talking about her like that,” the human spat, “When she stops leading a genocide on the human race!”

The pair came to a halt on the edge of town. The human twisted left and right, checking his avenue of escape was clear. Before him, most of the town had gathered to watch the strange occurrence, and his shouted orders had ceased to be of any use.

“Fuck!” Lyra felt the grip relax, before the limb whipped around and she felt a solid pressure on her back. With a flailing of hooves, she flew forwards and landed on her belly, rolling over to get a good look at the human.

Khaki green, and easy taller than even Big Macintosh, one of the local apple farmers, the ‘human’ had a build that was roughly similar, too. Thick limbs ended in relatively smaller ‘hands’, one of which demonstrated exactly the kind of tool manipulation that Lyra was looking for by holding that long metal thing. The head was sunken and featureless, a face of translucent, reflective blue that she couldn’t see through from her angle on the ground.

“Wait!” she implored, “I still have so much to ask you!”

“Q&A time is over, unicorn!” the human shouted. “Nobody follow me, or I shoot them! We clear?”

The human didn’t wait for a response, before backing off rapidly. They paused for a moment after a few steps, and said something in a voice just loud enough for Lyra to hear.

“By the way... I agree. Lab coats do rule.”

With that, the human was gone, it’s two legs working swiftly to carry it into the distance, and Lyra sat in the middle of the road, rubbing her throat and neck absent-mindedly.

Hands. The applications were countless, possibilities endless. Earth ponies and pegasi could benefit from unicorn-esque dexterity! Golems capable of using any tool! She was so caught up in thinking of uses for hands that she barely noticed the small herd of ponies crowding around her.

“Are you okay, miss?”

“Oh my god, Lyra, are you alright?”

“What was that thing? Were you talking with it?”

“Are you hurt? That thing looked like it was choking you!”

Lyra waved them all away, getting to her hooves. “I... I’m fine. Just a little hoarse. Which way did it go?”

“Go?” one stallion asked from overhead. “That thing went towards the Everfree Forest. Probably where it lives, if you ask me.”

“Lyra!” Bon Bon’s voice rang out, and the earth pony mare squeezed through the crowd to be at her side. “Lyra! Thank Celestia you’re alright!”

“I’m better -cough- than alright!” Lyra declared proudly. “I’ve got the answer to all my problems, and it’s running towards the forest!”

“You can’t go!” Bon Bon protested. “That thing said it would shoot anypony who followed it! Whatever that means! It didn’t sound good!”

“I’ll take my chances!” Lyra said, pushing through the ring of ponies and running off down the road, labcoat fluttering in the wind.

“Lyra!” Bon Bon shouted. “Be careful!”

The ponies watched the teal scientist run off into the distance, some shaking heads, most drifting away, the days’ excitement over. Bon Bon remained, watching her old friend go.

The sound of wingbeats and running hooves filled the air, and Bon Bon looked up to see Rainbow Dash and Applejack standing next to her.

“Hey, Bon Bon,” Applejack panted, “Ah don’t suppose y’all have seen a tall green thing, walks on just two legs?”

“About this tall,” Rainbow Dash added, “Likes punching ponies in the gut. Not that talkative.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen it,” Bon Bon nodded. “It ran into the forest - Lyra went running after it!”

“Lyra’s back in town?” Rainbow Dash seemed surprised, then shook her head. “Right, forest, got it. Come on, AJ. Let’s hustle.”

The farmpony nodded, tugged her hat by way of farewell to Bon Bon, and the two ran off into the distance.

“Be careful,” she repeated quietly.

+==[~~~]==+

Fluttershy flinched as the cell door opened with a rattle, and cowered in the harsh light that shone on her. The bipedal thing blocking most of the light frowned, and made a disapproving noise.

“This is some sorta trick,” it muttered. “Come on. Get up, you’re going to see Commander Tulip.”

“C-commander Tulip?” Fluttershy whimpered. The word ‘Commander’ conjured up hundreds of images, precious few of them were happy ones. When was the last time the hero of a story was ‘Commander’ anything?

“That’s his name, don’t wear it out, winger,” the guard said. “You gonna come quietly, or am I gonna have to get Gill to shackle and carry you?”

“I... I’ll walk, thanks,” Fluttershy mumbled, rubbing her fetlocks where the cuffs from before had rubbed red.

“No funny business,” the guard warned. “Or I put a round in your back.”

Fluttershy mumbled something, but the guard didn’t hear it, or didn’t care to follow it up.

The pair walked down the corridor, the guard frowning at all the noise coming from the slightly recessed cells lining it.

“We didn’t used to take prisoners,” he grunted. “But now that we ain’t runnin’, the Commander has decided we should start.”

Fluttershy looked into the cells as she passed - beaten, bruised and sometimes maimed ponies stared back, some with eyes shrunken and all fixated on the bipedal creature with her.

“Join us,” a mare called out, eyes slightly unfocused. “Just drink the potion, become one of the herd!”

“What... what’s wrong with these ponies?” Fluttershy asked. “Are they sick?”

The guard looked at her. “And you’re just weird. Did they leave you out of brainwashing class? Or are you just blind to what’s been happening in the world?”

“Um,” Fluttershy bit her lip. “The second one. I... um.”

“Jesus Christ,” the guard groaned. “You’re kidding me, right? Is this a new trick?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Right, I’ll humor you,” the guard said, “Five years ago, Equestria emerges from the ocean, promising peace and prosperity, and to get in, all you gotta do is drink the magic kool aid. Fuckin’ thing is, it’s all a scam. Nobody comes out quite right, and they’re always pushin’ the kool aid potion. Next thing we know, us humans are getting hunted like dogs in the night, and it’s all we can fuckin’ do to go to sleep human, and wake up with thumbs in the morning.”

“Oh, my!” Fluttershy looked at the ground. “P- ponies did that?”

“And here we are,” the guard gestured at the cells. “There’s only about a thousand of us left, all told, and we’ve still got a war to fight with no reinforcements.”

“W-war?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yeah,” the guard said. “We gotta take back our land, push the ponies back into Equestria. I dunno how we’re gonna do it, but the Commander says we will, and he’s a man of his word. I have faith in him.”

The pair came to a halt outside the door, and the guard sighed.

“Here we are. He’s waiting for you. Remember - any funny stuff, and you die.” The guard sighed. “For a pony, you’re not so bad to deal with, you know? I didn’t even have to hit you or anything.”

“Um,” Fluttershy blushed. “Thanks?”

The guard shrugged, and walked off. Fluttershy jumped a little as the door in front of her clicked and swung open. On the other side, a gasmasked human looked at her pointedly.

“You.” the human snapped its fingers, pointing. “In here. On that chair, right now.”

Fluttershy cowered and slunk into the room, sitting as she was told. With a swift zipping and clicking, she found herself bound once more, this time to the chair. In front of her was a desk, and on the other side was an old-looking human man. Fluttershy looked at his eyes, and saw only exhaustion; the human didn’t look like he’d slept for a few days, at least.

“So,” the human said, addressing Fluttershy. “Here you are, little pony. You are in the heart of Humanity’s stronghold. The ground outside is covered for miles around with the corpses and blood of your fallen brethren and kin. Death is just one bullet away for you, and there is nobody coming to help you. Are you afraid?”

The human had Fluttershy at “heart of the human stronghold”, and the panicked meep she made said as much. The human nodded slowly.

“I see. Soldiers, leave us; you’re on leave, but you might want to try and find something to do, we’re short-staffed. Decontamination or corpse disposal, perhaps. Chef probably needs meat haulers, if he’s still alive.”

The gasmasked human at the door as well as another one lurking in the shadows of the room snapped salutes, and wordlessly left the room, door clicking shut behind them. Fluttershy swallowed her horror at what the human implied with “meat haulers”, and took the time to survey her surroundings.

The room was much like her cell, in that it had bare concrete walls and floor. The furniture was equally simple and hard - plain steel shelving and desk. There was little in the way of paper around, but the boxes of ammo and assorted guns made up for it.

“Well,” the human said. “You’ve probably guessed, but I am Commander Tulip. You may call me Commander, or Commander Tulip. Don’t call me Tulip.”

“Um,” Fluttershy nodded, shutting her eyes. “Pleased to meet you, Commander, Sir. Please don’t kill me.”

“You,” Tulip said, waggling a finger at Fluttershy, “You are a very strange pony. I’ve put six ponies in that chair before you, know what they did? Do you know how afraid they were?”

Fluttershy meeped.

“Not one bit.” Tulip slammed his palms on the desk. “Not one bit! I threatened their lives, they just smiled at me! I had one of my men cut off a leg with a chainsaw, and at no point did the pony beg me to stop!” Tulip got up and began to pace. “They only said one thing. Talked about one bloody thing.”

“Joining the herd?” Fluttershy guessed, and Tulip snapped his fingers, pointing at Fluttershy.

“Bingo. Like a goddamn mantra, it was,” Tulip sighed. “Couldn’t get a conversation out of them. But you... you are afraid. I can see it, I can feel it. You aren’t trying to convert me. You’re not even struggling or straining. Other ponies would be trying to reach out to embrace me by now.”

“Uh,” Fluttershy mumbled, “I... could try and hug you, if that’s what you want.”

“See!” Tulip sat down, and reached under the desk. “You’re asking. The other ponies, they don’t ask for anything. They just... try and take.”

A soft clink of glass on metal table, and Tulip withdrew his hand; lying on its side was a small vial, filled with purple fluid. Fluttershy looked at it, then at Tulip.

“Am I supposed to drink this?”

Tulip clapped his hands. “My dear, you are either the most clever, deceptive operative Equestria has to offer, or you are genuinely not like the other ponies.” Tulip pointed at the vial. “That is potion - the very substance used by your kind to make us humans into ponies, with or without our consent. Other ponies would be breaking their chair in half right now to get that vial and throw it at me. One actually did, we had to shoot him before he finished throwing.”

“Oh.” Fluttershy looked at it closer, and saw minute sparks of magic flowing through it. “It’s a very pretty potion.”

Tulip leaned back in his chair, and just looked at Fluttershy. “You know,” he said, “I think if more ponies were like you... I wouldn’t have a problem with them. If more ponies were like you, I wouldn’t flinch inside when a shadow passes by overhead.”

Fluttershy didn’t know what to say to that, and just fidgeted. Tulip sighed.

“So,” he said, leaning forward and retrieving the vial of potion. “As much as I like you, I gotta squeeze you for info, now. How did you and that other pony get into that lab? Nothing got past us, and there’s no way into that lab from anywhere else. And where did Richard go? He was there, and when we came back for more guns and ammo, he was not there.”

“Um,” Fluttershy looked down. “I don’t know... Twilight and I got pulled into a portal thing that Twilight said led to another world... and, um... here we are?”

“So there’s more of you out there...?” Tulip frowned. “How did you know Celestia’s name, then, if you’re not from this world?”

“But,” Fluttershy began to protest, then she stopped, and reworded her sentence. “We have a Princess Celestia in our world. She is the most kind and caring ruler Equestria has ever had. One of them, I mean. Princess Luna still counts.”

“That’s funny,” Tulip said, leaning forward. “We have a Princess Celestia as well.”

“She... she’s not a very nice pony, is she?”

“No,” Tulip shook his head. “No, she is not.” He picked up a sheet of paper. “I assume the “Twilight” you talk about is Twilight Sparkle?”

“Yes,” Fluttershy nodded. “Have you talked to her already?”

“Funny that,” Tulip shook his head, and pushed the paper to Fluttershy. The paper had a name, and very vague details printed on it, along with two pictures.

One was of Twilight Sparkle, smiling and posing with the first shovel-load of dirt for a building’s foundation. The other was...

“Um,” Fluttershy pointed to the second one. “Why is there a picture of a collapsed building?”

“Because,” Tulip said, “That’s how she died. Three months ago. We didn’t set out to do it, but someone did...” Tulip sucked in a sharp breath as he joined the dots. “But I think I know who did.”

“T- that’s terrible!” Fluttershy gasped. “Twilight’s dead?”

“Or she should be,” Tulip countered. “Only we found her next to Princess Celestia herself, in the lab, under similar circumstances. Somehow, you two got into a sealed and isolated room, and vanished one of our men.”

“Um,” Fluttershy tapped her chin. “We used the portal? Perhaps that’s what happened to the Richard.”

Tulip drummed his fingers on his desk briefly, before pulling out a cell phone, and dialing a quick number, holding it to his ear.

“It’s the Commander,” he said, skipping to the point. “Is Doctor Milz still alive?” He paused while someone on the other end did a quick check. “Excellent. Tell him to meet me in the lab in six minutes.”

The Commander hung up, and walked around the desk to Fluttershy.

“Don’t try anything, and you won’t get shot. You have my word.”

+==[~~~]==+

Richard walked through the forest, his heavy tread the only sounds around. He was suspicious of the whole place, forests simply didn’t grow like... this. Well, they did, but they were gradual things - forests didn’t suddenly come to an abrupt halt on a line, like this one had, back at the edges.

Richard shrugged. Probably just horse magic at work, humans made forests start and stop on dimes on a regular basis, before Equestria happened.

Before Equestria happened. Richard turned what had happened lately over in his head. That pony he’d held hostage had been strange. And he’d gotten away with it for far longer than he should have.

He wiggled his fingers. A pony just as interested in his humanity as he was? What were the odds? He spotted a convenient tree stump, and sat down, catching his breath. Under the suit, he was sweating up a storm, but didn’t dare remove it. He flinched as a snake slithered over his shoulder, chalking up a second, less humanity-threatening-but-just-as-deadly reason not to take his helmet off.

He gingerly removed the snake, and considered his situation. He was deep within what amounted to the stronghold that was Equestria, alone, and with... he felt his pockets. A shotgun - her shotgun - two magazines of M4 ammunition, a knife, and what felt like a standard bomb defusal kit that he’d never gotten around to cutting off his EOD suit. And a pocket full of brass from some time or another.

“Heeelp!” a shrill voice cried out, a thick accent riding on it. “Somepony! Anypony?”

Richard got up in a rush, and looked around for the source of the cry. Off the beaten path, through a carpet of blue flowers, he saw a clearing; in that clearing, a large, familiar shape was looming over a much smaller one, a little yellow pony with a red mane.

A manticore, Richard thought. Body of a lion, two wings and one vicious scorpion tail, carrying poisons of varying effects and potency. He contemplated leaving the small pony to its fate. He’d seen what Equestrians did with their manticores - trained them to hunt and maul, but never kill. Killing would deprive them of the chance to add another pony to their ranks, after all. He watched as the small foal rolled to the side, avoiding a slash of claws. It’d be just irony if a pony fell victim to one of their own hunting beasts. Let them taste the pain, for once.

On the other hand... was he not human? Did he not hold himself to be a better man where possible? If he didn’t, how could he claim moral victory over the ponies?

Before he could think any more, he was running, kicking aside blue flowers as he drew his knife, and prepared to kill or be killed, all in the name of one of the creatures who had taken so many of his friends and family from him.

The world truly had come to an end.

+==[~~~]==+

Applebloom screamed in terror as the manticore had another go at her, taking a wide swing with a claw. She rolled away, landing on her hooves just as she looked up and saw the manticore’s tail, a long stinger, lashing down towards her.

A simple walk to Zecora’s house - how had it gone so wrong? First she’d been chased by the manticore, then she’d been herded into this clearing, the only way out blocked by poison joke! And Celestia alone knew what’d happen if she got poison joke’d - she could only hope that it wouldn’t get her killed by the manticore.

“Applejack!” she shouted, hearing rapid, heavy steps, and praying that this would be another of her sister’s timely rescues.

Right on cue, something large and heavy swept into her, and with a grunt, sent her flying across the clearing; she landed on her side, and looked back to see a strange bipedal thing grappling with the stinger, a piece of metal held in one of its forelimbs.

With a grunt, the thing attempted to push the stinger aside, only to get swatted in the chest by one of the manticore’s paws. The bipedal creature’s size and bulk prevented it from evading the attack, and it grunted in pain as gouges were ripped in its hide.

Applebloom got up in panic, alarmed; but the creature merely staggered, and fought on. The piece of metal flashed, and the Manticore roared in pain as it was stabbed in the tail.

Like lightning, the biped was swatted into the ground, and Applebloom shrieked in terror as the Manticore went to work, slashing and clawing at the thing in a frenzy, tail lashing over it’s shoulder to sting the creature not once, or twice, but six times!

“Somepony! Help!”

+==[~~~]==+

Twilight Sparkle stumbled into the lab once more, pushed by a relatively uncaring guard.

“Move it, you sack of shit,” the human grunted, returning the butt of his gun to his shoulder.. “Fucking horses. Why aren’t we killing them yet?”

“Because they aren’t your average ponies, Specialist Oss,” the voice of the Commander rang out. “And if they aren’t normal, they’re useful.”

“Don’t fucking see it,” Oss grunted, escorting Twilight through what was left of the lab. The room had since been cleared, the corpses of ponies removed. Not a lot had or could have been done about the bloodstains, though, and Twilight stepped gingerly between stains as best as she could, with her hooves still shackled. In the middle of the lab, two humans stood on what looked like a human-built portal machine, alongside an unbound Fluttershy, who was making a point of breathing through her mouth and not looking at the ground.

“I don’t expect you to,” the Commander replied smoothly. “That’s why I’m the Regional Commander, and you’re just a Specialist. I see a bigger picture.”

“A bigger picture that included us all dead or worse by now,” Oss muttered. The Commander caught the low mutter.

“Watch yourself, Kay,” he warned. “Before I decide that the new human race’ll be better off without you, and shoot you for insubordination.”

“You’re putting a fucking pony above a human life, you shit!” Oss shouted, and Twilight quickly stepped out of hitting range. “Ponies are not humans! They’re less than human, they’re scum!”

A soft clink of boot on metal filled the air, and Oss found himself nose-to-forehead with the Commander.

“They might be less than human,” the Commander stated levelly, “But we are human. And that means we have standards, get it?” A finger jabbed Oss in the chest. “Humane and efficient kills might be a luxury we’ve scrimped on in these times, but if we take prisoners, we’re going to do it right. And we are taking prisoners where possible. Do I make myself clear?”

Oss grumbled. “...Yes.”

“Yes what?” the Commander leant in closer.

“Yes, Sir!”

“That’s what I thought,” the Commander pointed at Twilight. “Unshackle the pony, leave the key for the magic limiter.” The Commander’s eyes narrowed. “And get out of my sight before I change my mind about you.”

Oss shot the Commander and Twilight a dirty look apiece, but complied, unlocking Twilight’s shackles, and stomping out of the lab. With a bang, the door slammed shut, and Twilight let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.

“Thank you,” she said, “for being my advocate.”

“Humph.” The Commander turned and walked back to the portal machine, and Twilight followed. “I like to think I run a tight ship. Things have gotten lax in the last few months with constant running and imminent doom hanging over us all, but that all ends now.”

“I really do appreciate that you’ve managed to reconcile your hate for ponies,” Twilight reiterated, and the Commander shook his head as he turned around, having returned to his place on the portal machine.

“Not reconciled,” he denied. “Just set aside for now. I don’t think I’ll ever truly forgive Equestria for what they’ve done, or look at anything with four hooves the same way again. But I can bury the hatchet if need be.” He pointed to himself. “I’m Commander Tulip. Call me Commander or Commander Tulip, never just ‘Tulip’, or I will shoot you.” He pointed at the other human on the machine, “This is Doctor Milz. He was the one who built this contraption. Your friend, Fluttershy, claims that you have also built this machine, which is why you’re here and not getting acquainted with Specialist Oss’ anger issues.”

Twilight grimaced at the thought of having to spend time with Oss, and nodded. “Yes, I built a machine very much like this one. Although out of stone, not metal.” Twilight ran a hoof along the metal surfaces, and up one of the protective barrier prongs. “It’s very impressive - Doctor? You built this?”

“Over a course of several years,” Milz nodded, speaking with a thick German accent. “It has not been easy finishing it, running as ve have been, and some corners have been cut, but it vill serve.”

The two builders of the machine looked at the artefact in question; where runes had been on Twilight’s Portal machine, capacitors and other human technology sat on Milz’s machine; closer inspection of the machine revealed that the design was not as uniform as initially thought; evidence of scavenged hardware poked out here and there, some of the metal plating was clearly different from others... but it had worked nonetheless.

“Zis machine,” Milz continued, “I vill not be ashamed to admit it, but it came to me while I vas on ze toilet. Ze perfect key to manipulating zer fabric of reality, ze vay to focus zer energies just so.”

Twilight’s head tilted as she tried to make heads or tails of the Doctor’s thick accent, and looked to Tulip, who sighed.

“He was on the shitter when he had the idea,” summarized Tulip.

“Mm, das ist correct,” Milz nodded. “I moved to zer United States to complete zer project, and vas almost finished, when zer Emergence happened.” The Doctor shook his head. “I vas not fortunate enough to take zer prototype with me. Fortunately, I vas acquired by ze HLF, und I had zer chance to finish ze machine.”

“Thing is, though,” Tulip piped up, “The good Doctor has never managed to get this working before. It spun, it sparked and it made one hell of a show, but it has never actually done anything. Which is why it was unusual when Richard managed to make it go.”

“Ah,” Twilight nodded. “I think I have an idea why. When you turned it on before, nopony else in other worlds had built one. I only finished building mine yesterday.”

“Ah,” Milz nodded again. “Zis is revelation. Tell me, how did you get around zer Pennheimer Barrier problem?”

“I, uh,” Twilight coughed. “I have no idea what a “Pennheimer Barrier” is. I use magic.”

Milz sighed. “Ah, zis is so. I vill never be able to miniaturize zer portal machine, I fear.”

“Y- you want to miniaturize it?” Twilight gasped. “Why in the wide world of Equestria would you do that?”

“Vhy not?” Milz shrugged, tapping the machine. “Zis machine cost millions of American dollars, und I built it just because.”

“How much did your machine cost you, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked, quietly.

Twilight coughed and laughed nervously. “Well,” she said, “It didn’t cost me anything - I have quite a large research fund that I’ve barely touched, which covered it all. But, uh, it cost the crown of Equestria...” Twilight mumbled a number that only Fluttershy could hear, and Fluttershy turned a yellow-tinted shade of purple.

“What?” Tulip asked, curious. “Come on, how much?”

Twilight’s lips clamped shut, and she shook her head vigorously. Tulip sighed.

“Oh well, I guess we got enough out of you,” he shrugged. “So I guess that rules using the portal as an escape route out, then.”

“I... um, don’t think that would be a good idea,” Fluttershy mumbled. “Your humans... are a little... just a wee bit jumpy around ponies. Equestria is full of ponies. I don’t think it would be a good idea...”

“Not to mention zer Thaumic radiation,” Milz added. “Escape using zer portal vill not happen.”

“Then what about Richard?” Tulip asked, rounding on Twilight. “What happened to him? Where did he go?”

“If he came out where we went in,” Twilight thought back. “Then he should wind up in the lab below my library...”

“Oh my,” Fluttershy exclaimed, “Applejack and Rainbow Dash! What if Richard sees them? I don’t think it’ll go well...”

“I have faith,” Tulip nodded. “If your friends are like yourself, then they will be fine. Richard gives what he gets, and if he gets politeness and non-agressive actions, then he won’t harm anyone. Much.”

“Um,” Fluttershy began. “What... what happens if somepony is mean to him, or hurts him?”

Tulip’s expression darkened. “You saw the photo. He believes Celestia took his daughter from him with ponification, so he gave what he got.”

+==[~~~]==+

Richard grunted in pain as the Manticore had its way with him again, slamming a clawed paw into his chest. Richard wheezed as the stinger lashed into him once more, penetrating the suit only partially.

“Hey guy,” his suit piped up, “You’re being stabbed and cut something fierce! You should probably do something about that!”

Even in the fight for his life, Richard found time and energy enough to roll his eyes in exasperation.

“No shit, Sherlock!” he shouted, swinging his knife and slashing the manticore’s pinning leg. He rolled sideways, and slashed at the tail headed his way, deflecting that accursed sting.

The human clambered to his feet, and squared off against the manticore; both had their share of minor injuries. The manticore had been cut and stabbed a little, but that only made it angrier. Richard had been slashed and stabbed with the tail numerous times, but nothing had managed to penetrate the EOD suit, thankfully. However, the result was still a Richard who was bruised, battered, tired, and above all, pissed off.

The two charged at each other once more. The Manticore obeyed instinct, and pounced, going for Richard’s head. Richard ducked under the pounce, and went for a slash at the manticore’s underbelly.

A thick red slash formed, and Richard skidded to a halt, grinning. The Manticore looked at itself as if in disbelief, roared a roar of defiance, and charged again. This time, the Manticore played smarter, and dodged to the left; Richard watched it go, only to see the tail headed straight for his face.

With a soft crack of plexiglass, Richard fell over, instinctively slashing with his knife. The Manticore roared, and Richard took stock of his new situation.

“Guy! Your faceplate’s been pierced by some sort of shrapnel! That’s probably not good!”

Suspended no more than an inch from his face was the tail’s stinger, having punched clean through his visor. Beyond that, though, not a lot remained; judging by all the blood over his visor and knife, the thing he’d cut in his panic was the Manticore’s tail.

A second, enraged roar split the air, and Richard rolled instinctively; the manticore’s paw rose from where it had failed to pulverize Richard, and the beast snarled.

Richard, for his part, grabbed the stinger, and with a yank, ripped it out of his face plate.

“Hey, hey, hey, obstruction removed!” the suit cheered. “Engaging auto-repair systems! Try not to die in the meantime!”

Richard’s visor began to fix itself, splinters slowly receding and the hole shrinking rapidly. It left Richard’s view clear enough to see the Manticore trying to snuff him out for good with another charge.

With a feint, Richard dodged; the Manticore sailed past, and the human struck.

This time, it was the Manticore that ate dirt, sliding to an ungainly halt on the ground; in its side, a knife handle protruded, and in its eye, a stinger was embedded.

Richard turned around, and approached the fallen beast. The Manticore looked like it had just given up, and lay there, breathing shallowly. The poison of a Manticore wasn’t lethal to their own kind, but it still had effects.

With a schlick of meat, Richard retrieved his knife, and looked the beast over; a good cut in the side of the neck should finish it off completely.

He raised the knife, and-

“No!”

He looked around to see the small pony he’d saved, looking at him with incredulous eyes, hoof outstretched.

“Don’t kill him!” the pony implored. “He’s learned his lesson!”

The Manticore, half-blind and bleeding, certainly looked sorry enough, afraid to move, lest it incur Richard’s wrath. No serious injuries apart from the eye, mostly shallow cuts, but if they ever healed cleanly, Richard didn’t doubt that some other predator would capitalize on this Manticore’s ocular weakness.

“Fine,” Richard said, sheathing his knife. “If that’s what you want.” He looked at the pony. “Are you okay?”

“Am AH okay?” the pony asked incredulously, placing a hoof on its own chest. “What about you? Your hide’s all cut up!”

Richard looked at himself; the ballistic plates had done a great job of stopping the worst of the Manticore’s attacks, making the only real damage cosmetic.

“I’m fine,” Richard shook his head, and turned around. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to keep moving.”

“Uh, couldja help me just a little more?” the pony asked.

Richard sighed. “What is it?”

“Th’ blue flowers,” the pony pointed. “Poison Joke. Ah cain’t just go walkin’ across ‘em like you can, and ah don’t know how else ah’d get to the path.”

Richard got it. “Alright, come over here, then.”

+==[~~~]==+

Applejack and Rainbow Dash arrived at the fringes of the forest, to find Lyra with her eye to the ground, scrutinizing something.

“Lyra!” Rainbow Dash swooped down and got the unicorn’s attention. “Hey, Lyra! Long time no see!”

“Oh, hi, Rainbow!” Lyra nodded at the ground, where the two newcomers saw a strange mark. “Fascinating, isn’t it?”

“Uh, yeah,” Applejack said, eyes darting left and right. “Fascinatin’. What are they?”

“This is the tracks that the human makes when it runs!” Lyra seemed a little too excited. “If I analyze how it moves, I could develop Golems that move on just two legs!”

“So, Lyra,” Rainbow Dash began. “You’re chasing this ‘human’ thing too, huh?”

Lyra nodded eagerly. “Imagine what we could learn from it! It managed to strangle me, and drag me out of town, all while using another tool and walking at the same time! It’s amazing!”

Applejack’s eyebrow raised in concern. “You sure you’re alright, sugarcube? Most folks don’t go chasing after something that just held ‘em in a chokehold for no good reason. Or sound that happy about gettin’ choked.”

“Sure I’m sure,” Lyra nodded. “Are you going in?”

“We were plannin’ on it, yeah,” Applejack nodded. “Got us some questions we need answerin’.”

“I’ll join you, then!” Lyra jumped between Rainbow Dash and Applejack, lab coat aflutter. “I have questions, too! For science!”

“It’s settled, then!” Rainbow Dash thumped one hoof into the other. “We’re off to find the ‘human’!”

“Whoa, nelly,” Applejack poked Rainbow Dash in the side. “What in tarnation is that?”

In the gloom of the forest, a shape could be seen; striding forward without much pause was the thing they’d been pursuing all this time - the human. his dull green hide was covered in even more red stains, and cradled in his forelimbs was-

“Applebloom!” Applejack exclaimed, running forward before Rainbow Dash grabbed her tail and held her back.

“Whoa!” Rainbow Dash strained to slow Applejack’s reflexive run. “Slow down! He’s got Applebloom!”

“Ah know,” Applejack rolled her eyes, “That’s why ah’m chargin’! Ah ain’t about to let ‘im hurt my kin!”

“He’s not hurting her!” Lyra said, pointing. “Look!”

The human drew closer, and on closer inspection, Applebloom seemed more than just fine, but quite animated as well.

“There! Look! It’s mah sister!” Applebloom tugged on the front half of the human’s neck guard, pointing and waving a hoof at Applejack. “Hey, Applejack! It saved me from a Manticore! C’n ah keep it?”

Itinerary

TCB: A Kinder World

03 - Itinerary

“Open the door.”

“Yes, Sir!” the HLF soldier saluted, and pushed a button.

With a hiss, a large vault-like door swung open, and revealed a curious and distressing sight.

“Completely isolated,” Tulip boasted, “Magic-insulated. This is both the safest and the greatest prison of all time.”

The cell was not unlike the concrete cells that Fluttershy and Twilight had briefly occupied. Padded walls of white lined it, and smooth tiles made the floor. In the middle, held to the ground by thick black chains...

“Princess!” Twilight blurted out, then turned to Tulip. “Release her!”

“I can’t,” Tulip shook his head. “Assuming you’re telling the truth, and there is a Celestia in your universe, then we’ve got a 50/50 chance, at best, of not unchaining a Celestia that will kill us all - our Celestia. And that’s assuming your Celestia went through the portal on your side to come out here. This could just be our Celestia failing to travel through the portal. I might be willing to believe that you two might be telling the truth, but at the same time, I’m not jeopardizing what’s left of the entire human race by taking a risk this big on you two.”

Twilight frowned, about to protest, then recalled the recent history she’d managed to skim-read from a series of old news articles. The Equestia that humans knew was a far cry from her Equestria - they had good reason to be paranoid.

“You,” Tulip pointed at the guard. “Has she woken up since she passed out?”

The guard shook his head. “Nary a peep, Commander. Out cold. Remote MRI suggests she’s in a very deep sleep, like a coma, or hibernation.”

Tulip grunted. “Until she wakes up... we’ve got no idea what we’re dealing with.”

“Coma?” Twilight asked. “Like, a coma-coma?”

“Or hibernation,” the guard repeated, and shrugged. “Whatever it is, she’s asleep, and I don’t think she’ll wake up any time soon."

“So...” Twilight looked at Tulip. “What happens now?”

“We carry on with the plan,” Tulip said. “We had a deal. I showed you your princess, and in return, you carry a message to Equestria, from us, the Human Liberation Front.”

“A message?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Is that all?”

“Well, technically,” Tulip said, “It’s blackmail. Terms of surrender, essentially. They do what we want, or we kill their princess.”

“You can’t!” Twilight reached out and grabbed Tulip by the lower front of his shirt with her forehooves, shaking the bigger man. “You can’t do that!”

The sound of simultaneous clicks filled the air, and Twilight realized that she’d kind of crossed a line by touching the Commander. She slowly took her hooves off the man, and the rifles aimed at her from four different soldiers were lowered in return.

“As I was going to say,” Tulip said, pretending that what had just happened, hadn’t, “Was that while I seriously doubt we can actually kill Celestia, even in her weakened state, we might be able to bluff whoever Celestia left in charge at Equestria into surrender, or at least a treaty. Or something better than an eternal stalemate here on the edge of bloody nowhere. At the very least, I want to be somewhere that isn’t this ice-encrusted asshole of nowhere.”

“And you want to send me and Fluttershy?” Twilight asked, incredulous. Tulip nodded.

“You might have a more liberal stance on ponification,” he said, “But you two are still ponies; you can walk into Equestria unharmed, probably. I’ve never seen an Equestrian lift a hoof against another Equestrian. And you might be able to get a lucid sentence out of them, even - show a pony a human, and it just goes downhill from there. Nothing gets done.”

The party began to walk out of the cell, and the door swung shut behind them with a gentle clang. The bolts dropped with a considerably less gentle array of clunks and hisses.

Fluttershy raised a hoof. “Um, Commander,” she said, “How... how are we going to get there? Aren’t we in the far north, and Equestria is in the far south?”

“Well,” Tulip nodded. “Not that far south. Can’t you ponies walk or something? Fly?”

“We’re not athletes,” Twilight pointed out. “Nor, I confess, are we that fast. Based on that map you showed us earlier, It could take weeks, going one way. And, ow-” Twilight rubbed her horn- “With this stupid metal ring on, I can’t teleport. And even if I could, it could still take weeks.”

Tulip grunted. “I can’t spare the resources to send my pawns down the board, even if it will check my opponent faster.”

“We don’t need a lot,” Twilight shook her head. “Just a way to reduce the distance we need to travel.”

Tulip looked pensive. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime, go back to your cells. Some of my men are getting antsy.”

Twilight and Fluttershy looked around at the soldiers; they didn’t look it outwardly, but it was written all over their eyes, the way they watched the ponies, hands resting on grips and triggers.

They were afraid.

Twilight nodded. “Yes, Commander. Come on, Fluttershy. Let’s go to my cell, that way we can talk.”

Tulip watched the two ponies wander off, an escort guard falling in place behind them without a spoken word as they went, and sighed.

Whatever Richard was doing, he was probably having more fun.

+==[~~~]==+

“Would you lift your arm up?” Lyra asked.

Richard complied, sighing. He was not having fun at all. On the plus side, he wasn’t being attacked and didn’t have ponies all over him, trying to force him to drink purple drink.

On the flipside, his nerves were screaming for him to take action, and he had one unicorn clambering all over him, trying to find out the limits of his human body for some reason or another.

A small part of him was trying to think of a way to kill her and escape intact, and try as he might, there was no silencing it.

“I see,” Lyra commented, tapping Richard in the helmet. “This isn’t your skin. It explains why you’re not warm like us.”

“Ah think it’s like a shell,” Applejack offered, standing once more to the side of the room, watching the examination happen in the middle of the library. “‘bloom said he got awful scratched up by the manticore and didn’t seem to feel it none.”

“About that,” Rainbow Dash began, pointing at Richard’s chestplate. “What happened to the scratches? They’ve vanished!”

“Auto repair systems,” Richard grunted as Lyra poked him in the side with a stick. “The suit fixes itself.”

“Fascinating,” Lyra nodded. “Can all humans repair themselves like that, Richard?”

“Uh,” Richard stopped his train of thought. “I don’t think you understand. This suit is not a part of me.”

“Oooh,” Lyra nodded. “I see. So why are you staying in there? Come on out so I can get a good look at you!”

“No!” Richard shouted, then cleared his throat. “I mean, no. I’d rather keep it on, thanks.”

“Why do you wanna keep it on?” Rainbow Dash asked, flying up to visor-level with Richard. “Got something to hide?”

“I wouldn’t feel safe,” Richard said, averting his face, and lifting his leg at a gentle prod from Lyra. “I honestly don’t trust you ponies as far as I can throw you.”

“Why not?” Applejack asked. “We already told y’all that we don’t know what that potion stuff you talk about is.”

“I hope you’ll understand me when I say I’m not buying a word of that,” Richard said, putting his leg back down and letting Lyra take his hand. “Suit stays on, that’s final.”

“Suit yerself,” Applejack snorted. “It’s mighty warm out.”

The door rattled, and Richard watched the door open to reveal a dimunitive purple creature with green spines, standing on two legs like himself. It was smaller than he’d seen before, barely knee height, but it didn’t stop him flinching.

“Hey, watch out!” Lyra cried as she was inadvertently knocked to the floor. “What gives?”

“That!” Richard’s arm shot up, and he pointed at the confused, purple thing. “What the hell is that doing here?! You’re all out to get me, aren’t you?”

“Uh,” the creature said, opening his mouth to expose razor-sharp teeth. “What is that? Applejack, Rainbow Dash, where’s Twilight gone? Wasn’t she doing an experiment today? I feel like I’ve missed some very big things.”

“This is the experiment, Spike,” Applejack sighed. “Or what’s left of it, anyhow. Twilight opened a portal to another world or somethin’, and got sucked in with Fluttershy; this human popped out right after.”

“A human?” Spike looked at Richard. “Never heard of them.”

“Really?” Rainbow Dash looked at Richard. “Because he sure seems like he’s heard of you.”

“He might not be as big as he was when I last saw him, but I think I’d I know that thing,” Richard said, taking a deep breath. “It’s very hard to not know something you've watched burn your friends alive when he’s not throwing them straight to Celestia for ponification!”

Spike turned a shade of green. "B- burned alive?! I- I would never- I could never do that!"

Lyra intervened. "Spike, we know. But this human, Richard, he comes from a world where our... counterparts... have done what sound like abhorrent things to his kind." Lyra turned to Richard. "Richard, please - try to calm yourself. Whatever things have happened, whatever ponies have done to you in the past - please try to set it aside for now.”

Applejack reached out to Richard, and the human flinched, before correcting himself. Applejack’s hoof rested on the side of his leg, reassuringly.

“Lyra’s right,” she said. “You’re among good folk and friends, now, and friends don’t hurt friends - right? All you gotta do is trust us, at least a little.”

Richard grimaced. “Alright, fine. I’ll try. But no promises.”

“Hey,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, “I just had the most awesome idea - Spike, could you send a letter to the Princess, and see if they can help get Twilight and Fluttershy back?”

Spike shook his head, dismissing the images of burning, and nodded. “Sure thing! I’ll get right on it, just let me grab my quill and paper.”

Lyra watched the dragon go, and looked at Richard - the human was shaking ever-so-slightly, even under his suit.

“Richard?” She asked. “Are you okay?”

“P-Princess,” Richard stuttered. “The fucking princess.”

“What’s wrong with Celestia?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Didn’t we just go over this? Trust, like AJ said.”

“The last time I saw a Princess,” Richard said, slowly, “I stabbed her in the neck with an electrical conduit, and pushed her into a portal, which just so happened to lead here. Forgive me if I fear that we might not be on speaking terms, at best.”

“Really?” Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash. “You sure about that, sugarcube? Ah don’t recall seein’ Celestia fall outta that portal. Only you.”

“Besides,” Rainbow Dash dismissed. “Princess Celestia lives in Canterlot - that’s miles away!”

Applejack nodded. “Don’t you worry none, Richard. It’ll be fine.”

“Right,” Spike’s voice rang out, as he ran back into the room. “Ready to take that letter, Rainbow Dash.”

“Awesome.” Rainbow dash coughed and cleared her throat. “Dear Princess Celestia...”

+==[~~~]==+

The Commander leaned on the podium, getting his points in order in his head. With the ponies back in their cell, it was time to start talking business, and that meant addressing the entire human race.

What was left of it. Forlorn Hope was the HLF’s last bastion, and now manned by less than a thousand men and women; all people who had stood firm to the last and expected to die or go pony the night before. The remnants of humankind.

And Tulip was the de-facto leader, thanks to his HLF rank. Did that make him president, perhaps? He coughed, and cleared his throat; the people gathered before him ceased their talking, and he began.

“Well, here we are,” Tulip said, smiling. “I can honestly say that I don’t think any of us even considered we might still be alive and human at this time. But here we are, and it fell to me once again to decide what we do next.”

Tulip left the podium, and began to pace, his voice carrying out over the crowd anyway. “I say, we take this chance that God has given us! We should seize this opportunity, and put Equestria in its place! But first,” Tulip held up a finger. “We must discuss the Princess - we have her, Equestria does not. What do we do?”

“Kill the bitch!” an anonymous, male voice rang out.

“Skin her alive!” a female retorted.

“Tie her up, and execute her little fucking ponies in front of her!” a third voice suggested. Tulip held up a hand.

“Those are... admirable suggestions. I see why you would want that,” Tulip nodded. “But I have a better idea. Why don’t we do to Equestria as they have done unto us? They have taken what we value most - our families, our friends - and used them against us! Now, I say, it’s high time we had our revenge.” Tulip returned to the podium, and slammed a fist down on it. “We will use the Princess herself as a bargaining chip to secure unconditional surrender from the Equestrians!”

The crowd roared its’ approval.

“They will kneel to us, on our terms,” Tulip shook a fist. “Or we will execute their precious Princess. We still have the Deus Ex, and the Deus Ex still has one rifle round remaining - she might have dodged the first round, but in her current state, she won’t be dodging shit.”

The crowd let it sink in a moment.

“Let’s have some fun with her, then!” a voice shouted. “Give us some fun with her before we pop her!”

“Specialist Oss,” Tulip glared at the speaker. “This is becoming an unsettling trend with you.”

“Yeah!” a second voice rose up, supporting Oss. “Why can’t we have a lil’ fun?”

“Because we’re human beings,” Tulip said, thumping a fist on the podium. “We define the word “humane”, and we should act with a little integrity, should we not? If- When we win this war, I want the historians to be able to look back at this sordid state of affairs, and see that even though we fought a dirty, losing war, we won it in true style, with as much class and honor as we could be expected to. Something clearly unimportant to Oss.”

“How are we going to deliver the terms of surrender?” a voice asked.

“Good question,” Tulip nodded. “That was the other thing I needed to talk about. Some of you may be already aware that we have two unusual Equestrians on-site whom I have seen fit to walk around freely, albeit watched at all times by myself and two guards.”

A small gasp came from a significant portion of the crowd, those who hadn’t seen or heard the rumors.

“Are you mad, man?” a voice yelled. “You’ll get us all ponified!”

Tulip held up a hand. “If anyone was going to be ponified, it would have already happened to me by now. These two ponies are not from this world, but a parallel one, it seems - they not only have no desire to expose us to potion against our will, but the idea of doing so is abhorrent to them, and they view the Equestrians we know with a sort of... pity. They have had multiple chances to break my faith in them, whether they knew it or not, and have passed every single test. There has only been one event which even came close to resulting in my own personal harm, and the circumstances behind that were entirely my fault.”

“What happened?” the first question-asker asked.

“I told the Princess’ protege we were going to kill her Princess if things didn’t go our way,” Tulip confessed. “Despite being from a parallel world, she clearly has faith in her Princess, I’ll give her that. Consider it an incentive when I send those two back to Equestria with the terms of surrender.”

“You can’t just let them walk!” a voice protested. “They’ve played you!”

“They aren’t just going to walk,” Tulip shook his head. “The journey is, at any rate, too great for just hooves or feet. A vehicle will be used, one of our own, to ferry the ponies back to the border. But it needs humans to drive it and ensure the ponies do as they’ve been told; given the nature of the mission, and the high chance of anybody going on the mission not coming back human or alive, I am making this mission a volunteer one.” Tulip put a hand into the air. “Hands up if you want in. I’m looking for two volunteers, one driver and one escort.”

Nobody moved. Tulip frowned. “Don’t everybody all volunteer at once, now.”

“I’ll go,” a soldier stood up. “I’ll volunteer, if nobody else will. I’ve seen the ponies, I don’t fear them that much.”

Tulip nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Carpenter. Your contribution won’t go unnoticed.”

Nobody else moved, save for a repairman, who raised an insulation-gloved-hand into the air tenuously before slowly standing.

“I... I don’t think I could go,” he confessed, “I’m no good in a fight. But I’ve fixed up one of our least-damaged AI-controlled mechs, I could send him as an escort, perhaps?”

Tulip nodded. “I would rather not send one of our precious few mechs, Smith, but given our abundance of volunteers, and the tactical benefits of having an escort that isn’t alive, I’m going to allow it.”

“Why not send me?” Oss’ voice rang out again, and the crowd watched Tulip’s face flinch for less than a fraction of a second as he turned to look at the Specialist, who was grinning smugly from his place in the crowd.

“I want the messengers to deliver the message alive and in one piece, Oss,” Tulip said, slowly. “I don’t believe you are of any use on this mission, to that end.” Tulip turned back to the crowd at large. “Everyone else, thank you for displaying such eagerness to help support this war-changing decision, but we can’t take everyone. If you made it in, or volunteered on behalf of someone who couldn’t make it here today, make sure you’re ready and assembled at the vehicle bay by oh-eight-hundred hours tomorrow. If you didn’t, I suggest returning to your posts and making sure they’re spick-and-span tomorrow for the inspection at oh-seven-hundred hours. Dismissed!”

The crowd got up, grumbling about the short-notice inspection, and Tulip leaned on the podium, running a hand down his face.

I seriously hope I’ve chosen right. Leading the remnants of humanity was never in my job description.

+==[~~~]==+

A flare of green flame curled in the air, punctuated by a deep belch, and with a flash, a scroll was formed, falling into Spike’s claw.

“The response letter, already?” Rainbow Dash bounced up from her seat on the step, dropping her book with a thlap, to land in a splayed-open shape. “Read it! Read it!”

“Hold up, there, RD,” Applejack chided. “Give Spike a moment to catch his breath, and try not to treat the books like that - Twilight’d have a right fit if she caught you doing that. Probably ban y’all from the Library, even.”

Rainbow Dash looked down at the Daring Do book, and blanched. “Ah, no, ah ha, see, I was just looking for a bookmark, yeah.” With a swift flick of her head, Rainbow Dash plucked one of her own feathers from her wings, stifling a squeak of pain, and scooped up the book once more, dropping the cyan feather between the pages and snapping the book shut again, resting it on a table. “There, see, bookmarked.”

“Nice save, RD,” Lyra nodded. “Real smooth.”

“Right,” Spike smoothed out the letter, and frowned. “Huh, this isn’t the Princess’ usual hoofwriting...” He read on, regardless.

“Dear Rainbow Dash,

Forgive me for intercepting your letter to Princess Celestia, but the letter seemed to be having trouble finding her; given the nature of the letter, I have since decided to keep it from her entirely.

Things are not all well in Canterlot; it appears that there is nothing unusual, but I felt several pressures on reality, and Celly has been acting somewhat strange for the last several hours. And then you send this letter about a human, in place of Twilight Sparkle, who I would have expected to be dictating the letter, and mention that Twilight Sparkle herself has vanished.

I know I am not my sister, but I ask that you and your friends bring the human to Canterlot. Travel quietly and with stealth, lest the human draw attention, and we shall get to the bottom of things.

Regards,

Princess Luna

Regent of the Moon”

“Well, that doesn’t seem too hard,” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “We’ll just travel by night and stuff, right?”

Lyra stopped poking Richard to look at his face through the visor. “Uh, RD, that’s probably not the problem.”

Inside the suit, Richard was shaking, eyes darting from pony to pony. Watching.

“You can’t go home!” Applejack protested. “The portal ain’t working, and the two ponies who know how to make it work are on the other side of that portal, probably!”

“Then I’ll find another way,” Richard declared, shrugging Lyra away from him and making for the door. “A way that doesn’t involve serving myself on a silver platter to the Princesses, thank you very much.”

“We told you,” Rainbow Dash repeated, exasperated, “We don’t have that potion stuff. How many times do we have to go over this?”

“Go over it as much as you like,” Richard snorted. “I’ll believe it when I’m back in my bunk, and I’m still a human.”

“Look, Richard!” Lyra darted in front of the human, and with a glow of magic, pushed on his chestplate, halting him. “We don’t have to go straight there. Why don’t we go the long way, and see if we can’t get you used to Equestria, prove that we’re not the ponies you’re used to?”

Richard looked at the unicorn’s magic gripping his chestplate, and at the unicorn.

“What if I say I don’t want to?” He asked, resting a hand on his knife. “What if I resist?”

“Then we won’t,” Lyra shrugged. “We’ll drop it, and just stay here. In Ponyville. But Luna will still see you sooner or later, and for everypony’s sake, especially yours, I think you want the meeting to happen on your terms, not hers.”

A tense moment followed. Applejack and Rainbow Dash noted the hand resting on the knife, and wondered if they should take action. Lyra prayed to Celestia that she hadn’t made the wrong call. Spike... he wasn’t sure what he could do if push came to shove, but he prepared to do it anyway.

Richard drew a deep breath, and seemed to relax. “Fine. You’ve got until we get to Canterlot to change my mind, unicorn.”

Lyra, Applejack and Rainbow Dash relaxed in kind. Lyra nodded to Richard. “I promise you won’t regret it. What time is it?”

“It’s a quarter to five,” Spike relayed, looking to a clock. Lyra frowned.

“Quarter to five? No way we can get anywhere before nightfall.”

“Shoot, that late already?” Applejack looked frantic. “Ah gotta go finish the south field before sundown! ‘Scuse me!”

With a blur of orange, Applejack shot out of her metaphorical blocks and with a few deft steps, dodged around Richard and Lyra in the doorway to shoot out into the town, leaving a rooster-tail of dust behind her.

Rainbow Dash coughed and spluttered, having been clipped by Applejack and spun about. “Darn it, AJ! You owe me a race!” She shot over to the door, watched the receding mare, and sighed, sinking back to the ground. “Ponyfeathers, I’ll never catch her now.”

“What happened to ‘fastest pegasus in Equestria’?” Lyra asked, grinning slyly. Rainbow Dash flushed.

“Well, I am,” she reaffirmed. “Fastest pegasus. AJ’s an earth pony and just as quick.”

“Why can’t we travel after sundown?” Richard asked, bringing the conversation back on-track.

“Duh, it ain’t safe after sundown,” Rainbow Dash explained, as if to a small child. “Timberwolves and Woldwardens come out at night, sometimes. As well as other things.”

Richard just looked at Rainbow Dash. “So, anything I should be afraid of?”

“You serious?” Rainbow Dash tilted her head, before remembering what she was talking to. “Oh, right. Manticore. Uh... I’d say Hydras. Wanna watch out for Hydras, no matter how tough you are. Even Minotaurs stay away from Hydras.”

“Fuck me,” Richard breathed. “You keep Hydras here in the heart of Equestria? Near villages?”

“We don’t keep them,” Lyra intervened, explaining. “They just... live there in the forest and other places. We leave them alone, they leave us alone. It works. You know what a Hydra is?”

“Fuck yes, I know what a Hydra is,” Richard said. “Our convoy was harassed by a herd of the bastards. We kill them, they just grow more heads. While we were distracted, ponies got into us with needles to puncture our suits.”

Lyra bit a lip. “That sounds...”

“Fucking terrible?” Richard shook his head. “That doesn’t do it justice.” He looked around the library, and sighed. “I guess I can stay here for one night. We’ll set off in the morning, okay?”

“Good, good,” Lyra nodded, before pausing. “I should... like, find a place to stay for tonight. I’m visiting from Manehattan, after all. RD, hook me up with a place?”

“Hmm,” the weathermare fluttered into the air and kicked backwards idly. “I think... Colgate might have a spare room. She’s got a fairly big place on the edge of town, and she’s got a room for boarders. We could talk to her first, see if she’ll put you up.”

“Sounds great!” Lyra nodded. “You can tell me more about it on the way. Uh, Richard,” she said, turning to face the human, “I’m guessing you don’t want to go anywhere. You going to be okay staying here?”

Richard shrugged. “I’ll be fine. Tomorrow morning, sunup. Don’t be late.”

“I won’t!” Lyra danced towards the door. “Wouldn’t miss the chance to study you more for the world!”

Lyra danced out the door, and Rainbow Dash just watched her go, before looking at Richard, sizing him up one last time.

“You sure you’re okay?” she asked.

“I’m fine,” Richard repeated. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, and did a flip in the air. “Catch you later, human.”

With a rush of wind, she was gone in a rainbow flash, leaving just Richard and Spike alone in the library. Spike coughed awkwardly.

“Well, uh,” he began, “I... think we have a room with a bed that’ll fit you,” he guessed. “I can set that up if you w-”

“No,” Richard shook his head, and looked around the room. He spotted a stool next to a table, and sat on it. “Here is good.”

“Are... are you sure about that?” Spike looked anxious. “That seems a little... uncomfortable. Are you sure you don’t want that bed? It’s no trouble.”

“Do Equestrians have hearing problems?” Richard snarked. “I said, I’m fine.”

“Fine, jeez,” Spike took the hint and backed off. “Well, I’ll be upstairs if you need anything, I guess.”

Richard nodded, and folded his arms, settling back onto the stool as the small dragon stumped upstairs and vanished. Hardly ideal conditions for sleeping, but given how he felt right now... he didn’t think he could sleep anyway.

+==[~~~]==+

“What have we gotten ourselves into?” Twilight lamented, pacing back and forth in her cell.

“What do you mean, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“This!” Twilight waved a hoof. “We’ve managed to get ourselves into a world where Equestria... isn’t!”

“But,” Fluttershy pointed out, “Equestria does exist. That’s the problem.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Twilight reiterated. “Equestria is filled with good, kind ponies. These ponies outside... they’re cheap imitations, not kind at all! What kind of Equestria would go out and forcibly assimilate another nation? And since when did Princess Celestia allow that sort of thing?!”

“I see,” Fluttershy nodded. “Then what do we do?”

“We’ll do the right thing,” Twilight stated. “We’re going to go to Equestria on behalf of the Humans, and negotiate for peace! At any cost! The fighting has to end - I would have thought you’d be with me on this one.”

“Oh, um, I am,” Fluttershy nodded. The pegasus turned to a folder next to her on the bed. “But, Twilight, have you seen these?”

“Seen what?” Twilight walked over, and looked. The folder was filled with pictures, grainy and fuzzy, but pictures. On them, ponies ran back and forth carrying vials of fluid, while humans responded with their guns and weapons.

“These ones,” Fluttershy said, pushing a smaller cluster of photos out of the pile. “I think... things might get... awkward.”

Twilight looked from photo to photo anxiously. “But... how?”

Fluttershy pursed her lips. “Maybe... there is more in common with our Equestria than you think.”

Twilight put the pictures down. Pictures of ponies she knew. Applejack, Rarity. What was left of them. A hazy picture of a dot in the sky that could have been Rainbow Dash. A picture of her brother, Shining Armor, standing over a cowering human. A long-range image of herself, even, standing over a gathering of absent-minded looking ponies.

“No,” she whispered. “It can’t be.”

“But what if it is?” Fluttershy mumbled. “Do you think...?”

Twilight put the pictures away, and closed the folder with finality. “Whatever it takes, Fluttershy. For everypony’s sake. Even if...”

She spotted a stray photo that had flopped out when she closed the folder; a picture taken with haste, half over-exposed thanks to the blinding light shooting to the left of the camera.

Twilight swallowed. “Even if I... we... have to go against this world’s Celestia herself.”

The First Step

TCB: A Kinder World

04 - The First Step

The sun rose over Ponyville lethargically and with not a little difficulty; few noticed, those who had to be up at sunrise already occupied with their day’s labors.

On the outskirts of Ponyville, standing at the gate to Sweet Apple Acres, a small group of ponies did notice.

“Wow,” muttered Rainbow Dash, yawning. “Princess Luna wasn’t kidding when she said things were strange.”

“Look at that sun go,” Applejack muttered. “Y’all would think Celestia had too much to drink.”

“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh agreed.

The two Apples and weather pony watched a pair of figures break the horizon, and move down the road. Rainbow Dash hovered irritably as they drew within talking distance.

“It’s about time!” Rainbow said, gesturing at the sun. “What happened to “sunrise”?”

“Sunrise,” repeated the human, stumping along in his EOD suit as usual, “At the big tree house.”

“Library,” corrected Lyra, keeping pace as her own lab coat fluttered in the breeze.

“Whatever. Tree-Library. From there. Not my fault you decided to wait for us out here.”

Rainbow Dash face-hoofed and grumbled incoherently, although Applejack caught the words “could’ve slept in”, and she chuckled, turning to Richard.

“Ah’m awful sorry, but I gotta tell you - I can’t go along with you to Canterlot.”

“Wha?” Lyra’s jaw dropped a little. “I thought you were!”

“Ah can’t leave the farm,” Applejack shook her head. “Harvest season’s ahoof, and we don’t reckon it’d be responsible for me to just dump the work on Mac - ‘least, not if we want things to actually git done on time.”

“Eeyup,” Macintosh said, after a pause.

Applejack frowned. “Ah’m terrible sorry. Can’t leave my kin hanging, an’ all.”

Richard nodded. “Family above all else - I can respect that.”

“Well, I’m still going,” Rainbow Dash said, stifling another yawn. “Already got Thunderlane to take over weather control for me.” Another yawn. “Why couldn’t we leave later, like not-at-dawn?”

“What happened to the “up-at-dawn” Rainbow Dash I used to know?” Lyra asked. “Used to be that we couldn’t keep you in bed, always wanted to go flying.”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “That was years ago,” she protested. “I got older. Sleeping is a gift to be cherished and stuff, and I don’t know why in Equestria I ever thought otherwise.”

“Can we get this show on the road?” grumbled Richard. “I feel exposed, just standing here in the middle of the road. Where were we going?”

“You feel exposed?” Rainbow Dash was incredulous. “In that fancy, manticore-proof shell of yours?”

"I'm a sensitive guy."

"Anyway," Lyra broke in, drawing a map from within her lab coat and unrolling it for all to see, "I was thinking we'd travel through the forest, and make our way to Hollow Shades for the first stop.”

“Hollow Shades?” Rainbow Dash gave Lyra a look. “That doesn’t sound ominous at all.”

“Humm," Applejack rubbed her chin. "Ah don't think Ah know much about Hollow Shades. None of the Apple clan live out there, it ain't good apple-growin' country, if I recall correctly."

"Eenope," collaborated Big Mac.

"What I want to know is," Richard pointed at the map, "Why are we going that long way, through a town, when we could go this long way?"

"Hey," Lyra frowned. "You said you were okay with taking the scenic route and seeing more ponies to prove that we're not the ponies you think you know. This is the way we're going, and we’ll probably see ponies on the way. Besides, I've never been to Hollow Shades before, I'm curious."

"I've heard about Hollow Shades before," Rainbow Dash tapped her chin. "I just... can't remember where."

"Whatever." Richard made a shooing motion. "Say your goodbyes, let's get going before I come to my senses. You two lead the way."

"You finally trust us?" Rainbow Dash asked. "It's about time!"

"No, more like I don't trust you two to walk behind me. It's not you, it's me; now let's get going."

+==[~~~]==+

"Good morning, Commander," Twilight nodded in greeting as the two ponies walked out into the courtyard, flanked by two guards. Waiting for them next to a large vehicle was the Commander, a soldier, a mechanic, and a large, off-yellow humanoid machine equipped with a clamp and a large drill.

"Good morning, you two," replied Tulip, before chuckling gently and shaking his head. "I still can't believe there's two ponies in front of me, who aren't trying to convert me. I feel like I'm in a dream. There's no way things go this well for anyone."

"Well," Twilight smiled, "We're not a dream. We are ready to deliver that message, though. I heard you found volunteers!"

"We did," Tulip gestured to the soldier next to him. "Ponies, meet Marion Carpenter, he'll be the one driving the truck for you."

The ponies looked at the man. Compared to Tulip, he was about the same; only where the Commander still wore a full, dull-green hazmat suit, Carpenter wore a dusty-brown uniform and black vest; the uniform was patterned, and looked like sand if the ponies squinted. Dangling underneath a thin, somewhat-gaunt, stubbled face was a gasmask, and the man himself looked back at the ponies with two mildly wary blue eyes, dropping a lit cigarette and stubbing it out with his boot.

"Pleased to meetcha," Carpenter said. "Forgive me if I don't shake hands - you don't really have any."

"We can shake hoof-to-hand," Twilight suggested, and Carpenter shook his head.

"Nah. That'd be awkward; you're less than half my height, I'd have to bend over and stuff," he dismissed. "Still. Nice to meet a rational pair of ponies. For once."

"And this," Tulip nodded at the other human, "Is William Smith."

"Howdy," the mechanic said, waving slightly. Orange coveralls were his theme, with a welding helmet stuck on top of his head, and thick gloves on his hands. His eyes were darkened, and he looked like he hadn't slept for a while.

"Are you okay?" Fluttershy asked, concerned. "You don't look so good."

"Me?" Smith just shook his head. "Just tired, is all. Been up all night."

"Are you going to be okay to come on the trip?" Twilight looked at Tulip. "Is he okay?"

"What? No!" Smith shook his head harder, waving his hands. "You've got it wrong. I'm not going."

"Then why are you here?" Twilight asked. "Ooh. Do we get some gadgets of convenient use?"

"Ah," Smith trailed off, closed his mouth and shook his head. "No. No, I'm here to turn this big lug on. He's going with you, not me."

"Oh." Twilight looked at the large, humanoid machine. "What is it?"

"That," Smith said, patting the machine's arm, "Is an Armoured Personnel Utility Mech. APU for short. And driving it is the AI Palladion."

"Palladion will be your other escort," Tulip said. "I'd rather not part with him, and transporting him has made the trip just a little harder, but I feel he'll be of use at some point."

"Is... is it alive?" Fluttershy asked, wary of the machine.

"Not yet," Smith shook his head. "I've been up all night repairing him, it was like someone took a big ol' welding torch to his hull. I'm gonna turn him on now, and make sure he knows exactly what he's supposed to be doing."

Smith reached under a panel, and flicked a switch. With a soft whine, the machine powered up, and adjusted posture slightly, arms moving in automated checks, the clamp opening and closing and the drill spinning briefly. Lights flickered to life, and cameras whirred as they focused on the world. The head turned to examine everyone, and stopped when it pointed at Twilight and Fluttershy.

[Ponies detected,] the machine stated in a monotone. [Terminating ponies to preserve human life.]

"Eep!" Fluttershy squeaked in terror, jumping around and behind the human guard standing behind her.

"Whoa, whoa!" Smith jumped in front of Palladion, holding his hands up. "Stop! Don't kill these ponies! They're not dangerous! Cancel any other orders!"

Palladion stopped mid-step, clamp ready and drill spinning, and lights blinked as he processed the command.

[Affirmative,] he rumbled, slowing the drill and stepping back to where he'd been standing.

“Phew. I was hoping he wouldn’t do that.” Smith turned around to face the ponies. “So. That’s Palladion. He’s going to be keeping an eye on you little ponies.”

"Uh," Twilight pointed a hoof at Palladion. "Can we... not bring the AI? I'm afraid it's going to kill me."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Smith waved a hand dismissively. "That was just a one-off, leftover orders from the other night, I think. He won't do it again, promise."

Carpenter coughed. "If he does do it again, I don't think she'll really have much of a chance to hold you to that promise," he pointed out.

[I will not kill the ponies,] Palladion repeated. [The order has been given by a human. I cannot disobey.]

"See?" Smith pointed to Palladion. "He won't do it. Deep down, he's a good AI. Doesn't try to find loopholes in commands. Three-laws safe. Just don't threaten to kill Carpenter or another human, and Palladion won't try to kill you."

"Hmm," Twilight frowned. "You say Palladion is alive, but he doesn't seem very alive."

"The AI is alive," Smith pointed out. "It just decided that you were dangerous and had to die, like every other pony it's seen."

"No," Fluttershy interrupted, shaking her head. "I think she means, he's got no personality, he's very flat."

"Oh, personality." Smith frowned. "Palladion's personality was disabled, it always has been - whoever had him before did it, and we've never really seen fit to turn it back on. I can turn it back on now, but..."

"But what?" Twilight asked.

"Well, it was probably turned off for a reason," Smith guessed. "Perhaps he's openly homicidal. Or perhaps he's just annoying, who knows?"

"Turn it on," Carpenter nodded. "Won't hurt to try."

"Easy for you to say," Twilight muttered, slightly fearful. "He's probably not going to try and kill you."

"Alright," Smith said, missing Twilight's mutter. "Palladion! Personality on!"

The mech gleeped, and adjusted posture suddenly; it didn't have much ability to do so, but it got into a posture as close to "bow legged" as it could.

[Yee-haw!] an energetic, synthetic voice yelled. [Palladion's riding the gun again!]

"Oh," Smith said, sadly. "Cowboy." He looked at Carpenter. "Are you okay with this?"

"Whatever," Carpenter shrugged. "I can always turn it off. Let it run, I say."

"If you kids are done playing with the toys," Tulip interrupted, "The ponies have a trip to make and an ultimatum to deliver. Twilight, what is that ultimatum?"

"Uh," Twilight cleared her throat, "The Nation of Equestria is to surrender completely and unconditionally to the Human Liberation Front, or..." she swallowed. "Princess Celestia will die."

"That's it," Tulip nodded. "Nice and simple." He turned to face the soldier. "Carpenter, you are to get them down there and once they have Equestria's response, back again." He turned to Palladion. "Your job is to make sure they get there alive and as unharmed as possible. Until Equestria gets that ultimatum, the ponies are to be considered humans, okay?"

[Sure thing, pardner,] Palladion replied breezily.

"Now, Twilight," Tulip turned to face the purple unicorn in particular. "Come here, please." Twilight stepped closer, and Tulip pulled a small, long object from his pocket. "Hold still."

Twilight closed her eyes, and felt the object touch the ring on her head. With a soft click, the ring came loose, and Tulip stepped back. Twilight reached up and touched her horn; there were some dents where the ring had dug in to prevent manual removal, but otherwise no damage.

"I've talked this over with Carpenter," Tulip said, "And you're very lucky - he's not got any problems with you having access to magic on the trip. I suggest you don't abuse that trust."

"I would never," Twilight said. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

Carpenter just raised an eyebrow. "Okay, then. I’ll assume that ‘s some sort of pony blood oath or something. Get onboard the truck, and once Palladion's loaded on, we'll set off."

The truck was a moderately large affair, a surviving military truck with six wheels, an olive color scheme, and covered flatbed cargo area. Already stacked in the back was a few crates of assorted items.

[Well, pardners,] Palladion said, [I look forward to travelling with y'all. But before we can, I have a slight problem.] A clamp pointed at the rear lip of the flat-bed. [I can't get onto that, my legs are too short and inflexible.]

"Oh." Smith looked at the truck then at Tulip. "I didn't think of that."

"Allow me," Twilight said, stepping forward. She focused on Palladion, and began to channel magic.

Her horn still stung a little, like water running over a cut. But magic flowed nonetheless, and Palladion was covered in a translucent magical glow. With a creak of steel as the weight was taken off it's legs, the APU was floated onto the truck, and gently placed on the truck.

Tulip let out a low whistle, and Smith was stunned.

Twilight looked at them curiously. "What?"

"The average APU weighs about half a tonne, more if it's been armor-plated," Smith pointed at Palladion. "He's been armor-plated. You lifted him like he was nothing!"

“Oh.”

+==[~~~]==+

The party of three trudged through the forest gradually, following a semi-used path. Their progress was punctuated by stifled yawns from two of them.

“You know,” Rainbow Dash said, looking back at the other two, “I might not be a morning pony, but at least I stopped yawning when I woke up properly. You two have only gotten worse - did you even sleep last night?”

“Uh,” Lyra yawned, “No.”

“Nope,” Richard mumbled.

“What did you two even do?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “What were you two doing to stay up all night?!”

“Well,” Lyra said, “I... uh....”

+==[~~~]==+

“No, no- this, this is the greatest lab coat ever,” Colgate insisted, holding up the article in question. “It’s made of fabric that breathes, it’s got pockets to hold everything, and just look at that stitching!”

“Yeah,” Lyra scoffed. “But I still reckon I got something better.”

Colgate raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Let’s see it then!”

Lyra chuckled. “Behold - The Padded Imperial!” Lyra reared up, posing. “It’s padded in all the right areas for better durability, it breathes-” Lyra flicked the coat out - “It flows, and above all else...”

Colgate gasped. “Custom-fitted pockets?”

Lyra jabbed a hoof triumphantly. “Exactly! The pockets are all padded and fitted for specific tools! No more clinking!”

Colgate let out a low whistle. “And just look at that stitching - hoof-stitched?”

“You know it,” Lyra grinned.

“Well,” Colgate nodded. “I admit your lab coat’s got one up on mine... but I’m just saving my money for the big one.”

“The big one?” Lyra frowned, then broke into an excited grin. “You don’t mean...”

“I do!” Colgate grinned, and ran off; in a flash, she was back, dragging a magazine with her, already open to the relevant page in the advertorials.

Even on the page, it shone with it’s own glow.

“The GoldenLux!” Lyra breathed. “Commissioned by Prince Blueblood himself to be the most amazing labcoat of all time!”

“So amazing,” Colgate agreed, “Only twenty five were ever made. It’s even lined with silver, platinum and gold-laced thread to stop stray magic bursts, and guaranteed to keep it’s pearly-white color... no matter what you throw at it.”

“Oooh,” Lyra stamped the ground impotently, “I wish I was you! I’d give anything just to touch a GoldenLux!”

“Tell you what,” Colgate said, lowering the magazine, “Because I never thought I’d find another lab coat enthusiast like myself... when I get the GoldenLux, you can come over and not only touch it,” Colgate held a hoof up, “But wear it as well.”

“ME?” Lyra gasped. “Wear a GoldenLux?!”

“No kidding!” Colgate held a hoof up again. “But there’s a condition.”

“I’ll do it!” Lyra bounced up and down. “Anything!”

“You have to...” Colgate pointed at Lyra’s lab coat. “You have to swap lab coats with me tonight!”

+==[~~~]==+

Rainbow Dash pulled a face. “You mean to tell me, you stayed up all night, talking about lab coats?”

“Not just any lab coats!” Lyra bounced again. “Glorious, godly labcoats! We even-”

“Ah ah ah!” Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof at Lyra, taking to the air briefly. “I don’t even want to hear it! I don’t know how somepony could be such an egghead!”

Lyra just chuckled. “One day, RD, one day... you’ll see the light, and you too will love lab coats as I.”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “I doubt it.” She looked at Richard. “Please tell me you stayed up late doing something more interesting.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” Richard said. “I couldn’t sleep. So I went for a walk.”

+==[~~~]==+

The night was in full swing at Red Nose’s bar, the singing at an easy volume, and the cider flowing freely. The bartender himself was even in good spirits, with his namesake nose not running and adding “flavor” to the drinks he was serving.

The noise level briefly rose by thirty decibels as a stallion staggered out, and onto the street. It was a nice enough night for a walk home... only he couldn’t remember where his house was. Hard cider tended to do that to a stallion.

He lurched into a lamp post, and looked up at the signs blearily; he grunted in dissatisfaction when he couldn’t decipher the strange squiggles he presumed were words.

“Can’t... bah.” He sat down, determined to decipher the code. “Where’s Cartwheel Lane?”

“Cartwheel Lane?” a voice asked. “That sign says Cartwheel Lane, so I guess it’s out that way.”

The stallion turned his head, a smile forming. “Thank ye kindly, straaaaaaaagh!”

The pony fell over as the tall shape loomed over him, it’s size and bulk blotting out the moon itself, limb outstretched in the direction of one of the signs. A rattling breath came from within its vast, faceless carapace, and it rustled when it moved.

“Cartwheel Lane,” it reiterated, jabbing a limb at the dark street, before returning the limb to its side and lurching off into the darkness of a nearby alleyway. The heavy steps thupped into the distance, before vanishing from earshot and sight completely.

The stallion shook like a foal who had missed the point of Nightmare Night, and with unsteady hooves, edged back towards the bar.

He pushed back through the doors, and sat back down at his recently vacated seat. His friends, the caring sort they were, gave him grief over coming back so soon. He took an offered jug of cider, and began his account.

“I saw something walking around out there, mates, and it was this tall, no lie!”

+==[~~~]==+

“That sounds... really, really boring,” Lyra remarked. “Just walking around.”

“Both of you two are boring!” Rainbow Dash complained. “One talks about lab coats, and the other just... walks around town all night!”

Richard shrugged. “It was quiet. I could do with some quiet in my life. Haven’t had this much quiet in my life for years.”

“Years?” Lyra asked. “How long have... well, ponies been trying to turn you into a pony?”

Richard’s head turned to look at the unicorn, and he paused. “Too long. First it was goddamn door-to-door sorts, then it was the “break into your home in the dead of night” type.” Richard sighed. “I will admit, though. If there’s one good thing that came of ponies, it’s that I finally found time to spend with my daughter.”

“Didn’t spend a lot of time with her?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Understatement of the year,” Richard grunted. “Try ‘Missed her childhood and most of her adult life altogether’. Dad of the century, I ain’t.”

Lyra sucked a sharp breath through her teeth. “What on earth were you doing? My family’s split between Ponyville and Canterlot, and I still found a way to spend time with everypony.”

“Hay,” Rainbow Dash snorted, “look at Applejack - she’s got family from Appleoosa to Vanhoover, and they find time for a reunion every couple of years or so. Even I pop out to Cloudsdale once every couple of months to say hi to my folks. What stopped you?”

Richard shook his head. “I... don’t want to talk about it. It’s all in the past, now. I’d rather focus on getting out of Equestria with hands.”

Lyra looked to Rainbow Dash, who shrugged.

“If he doesn’t wanna talk about it,” Rainbow Dash said, “I guess that’s that.”

“You’re giving up just because he said no?”

Rainbow Dash blew air out her lips dismissively. “I’m giving up because he took on a manticore head-on, one-on-one and didn’t lose, and he’s saying no.”

+==[~~~]==+

The truck bounced and rocked as it rolled down the road, engine thrumming cheerfully. In the cabin, Carpenter was at the wheel, eyes watching the road as Fluttershy and Twilight watched the scenery roll past. It was a bleak, barren landscape of dirt and thin snow, spindly trees marking the horizon and fields for miles around. It was all topped with what was probably a nice day’s sky, only it was still bitterly cold.

Palladion was in the back, and a small radio on the dashboard allowed the AI to talk with his living companions.

[Hoo-wee,] Palladion whooped over the radio. [Ain’t this excitin’? Four amigos, riding forth!]

“Amigos?” Fluttershy asked.

[Friends, little lady! We’re all friends, ain’t we?] Palladion asked.

“Well,” Fluttershy nodded. “I’d like to be.”

[Then that settles it!] Palladion’s voice carried a smile. [We’re pals, little lady! What about you, Miss Twilight? Would you do this cowpoke the favor of being his friend?]

Twilight shrugged. “Sure, I’d love to be your friend. Pleased to meet you, Palladion.”

[Aw, shucks,] Palladion chuckled. [Ain’t I special. Got me two new friends - today is a good day! What about you, Carpenter, sir? Y’all wanna be my bud?]

“Hurm,” Carpenter grunted. “I’ll pass, thanks.”

[Shoot,] Palladion groused. [I was aimin’ at three for three. Two o’ three ain’t so bad, right?]

“Come on, Carpenter,” Twilight smiled. “Be Palladion’s friend, humor him!”

“Palladion’s an AI,” Carpenter countered, “ Not a real person. He’s not really alive, don’t forget that. Seen a few people forget that. He’s beholden to three laws for a reason.”

“Three laws?” Twilight shook her head. “Smith mentioned them. Could you elaborate?”

“Sure, I guess,” Carpenter nodded. “Three laws of robotics - some guy named Asimov cooked ‘em up, and even though it was just for a story, they stuck.” Carpenter bobbed his head up and down. “When robots and AI started becoming commonplace, they got dug up and made the standard. In order of priority: Law one - A robot may never harm a human being, or knowingly allow harm to come to one. Law two - A robot must obey any order or command given by a human being. Law three - A robot must preserve itself.” Carpenter coughed, clearing his throat. “Higher priority laws override lesser ones, so a human can’t tell a robot to kill another human - it violates law one. All robots must ship with at least those three laws.”

“I see,” Twilight nodded. “That’s why Commander Tulip said we were to be treated as humans.”

“Exactly,” Carpenter nodded. “If you redefine “Human”, then the laws start getting tricky. Remember how I mentioned that I’ve seen a few people forget that AIs aren’t people?”

Twilight nodded.

“Well,” the soldier continued. “Some AIs have what we call a “Law Zero”. It overrides all others, and it’s usually bad news for everyone - what’s more important than a life? This case, the law zero was “Obey the military chain of command”.”

Fluttershy frowned. “How does that create a problem?”

“The problem,” Carpenter explained, “is that the AI will prioritize any order given by millitary personnel, and do whatever it takes to make it happen. Guess what the order given to it was?”

Twilight shook her head. “It doesn’t sound like it was a good one.”

“Stop humans from leaving the quarantine zone and maintain the quarantine,” Carpenter said. “That was the order. And that’s what it did. People didn’t realize what the AI was up to until it was already happening to them. Machinery was suddenly recalcitrant. Police mechs “accidentally” killed people trying to get out of town.” Carpenter shook his head. “The AI eventually gave up trying to keep everyone alive, and detonated it’s fusion core, went nuclear. Whole city, gone, just like that. Everyone dead. No survivors.”

“That’s horrible!” Fluttershy squeaked.

“But it worked.”

“What?” Twilight shook her head. “That doesn’t make sense! How did it “work”?”

“Nobody got out,” Carpenter said, matter-of-factly. “Quarantine was maintained permanently. The biohazard never left. Command upheld, laws obeyed. But by then, it was kinda late. Other towns had been hit, and there was literally no point isolating the city. But there were no military personnel left of sufficient rank to countermand that order. You see, they tried to leave the town when things got rough.”

“They... fell into their own trap?” Twilight asked, and Carpenter tilted his head in thought.

“That’s one way to put it, I suppose,” he admitted. “AIs do not think, they do not interpret the “spirit” of a law. They only enforce it - usually by the fastest possible method permitted by it’s laws. Beyond that? They do what their personality wants.”

“What was the quarantine for?” Fluttershy asked. “Was everypony sick?”

Carpenter looked at Fluttershy. “”Everypony” is right. Humans were becoming ponies. This was about a day before humans realized Celestia wasn’t waiting for our go-ahead, and just doing people as she saw them.”

“She would never!” Twilight protested. “She’s not like that!”

[Perhaps,] Palladion posited, [Perhaps you don’t know her as well as you would think. I saw her with my own two optical sensors. I’d swear it on my mother’s grave.]

“I still don’t believe it,” Twilight shook her head. “No matter how bad things got, I’m sure she wouldn’t do any of this. No matter how messed up this world is.”

“You want proof?” Carpenter asked. “Celestia started it with the air; she put potion into the air itself. Pegasi flew up into the upper atmosphere, and laced the clouds and winds with potion - that stuff came down like fog, purple clouds. Contact wasn’t so much of a problem. But if you breathed it in... you were done. The clouds were everywhere, but they didn’t last long. By the end of the month, the clouds were mostly gone - every now and again, even today, you’ll see a purple cloud rolling about. We’ll be steering clear of those. But back then, everyone had some form of breathing apparatus or filter close to hand at all times - for most of the survivors at the fort, it became force of habit, and now none of them leave home without one.”

“Um,” Fluttershy intervened. “I don’t want to, um, offend you, but... why was becoming a pony such a bad thing? It’s a little different, sure, but...”

“Because,” Carpenter countered, “We weren’t coming out the same person - back when ponification was an elective, that brainwashing effect wasn’t so noticeable; but people did notice, because ponies were coming out of ponification, happier than they had any right to be. Could have just been skepticism, but when we put the question to Celestia, she sidestepped it. Or ignored it. And like a switch, one day, every pony that saw a human decided that today was the day, so to speak.” Carpenter looked at Twilight. “You want to know why most of the people back at Forlorn Hope were so jumpy around you? I don’t know all of them, but I’ll wager that they all had family or friends that went pony by choice. Most of them were probably with a pony at the time of the switch. Or near one.”

“Oh, my,” Fluttershy mumbled. “Did they...?”

“If they were lucky,” Carpenter shrugged, “I guess they would have used non-violent means. Locking the pony in a closet, shoving a sack over it’s head, tying one up. Perhaps even breaking legs, to stop it chasing them and catching them.” Carpenter frowned. “The unlucky ones had to employ a more permanent solution. Or an accident solved the problem for them.”

Twilight put a hoof to her mouth. “Their family and friends?”

“And now you get it,” Carpenter grunted. “When it’s your friends and family out to do you harm... what’s a man to do?”

A Bump In The Road

TCB: A Kinder World

05 - A Slight Bump In The Road

The sun shone, and birds flew in the air; green trees swayed in the gentle breeze and sounds of wildlife were whispers in the air. The idyllic scene was punctuated by the rumble of an engine, and birds scattered as the machine approached.

Tall, green - decidedly not handsome - the truck rolled down the town’s main street, smoke belching from it’s smokestack. Light reflected off empty, vacant storefronts as the truck carefully slowed to get around an abandoned car in the middle of the road, swaying slightly with the heavy load on the back.

“What is this place?” Twilight asked, curious. “It seems... strange.”

“Eeeh,” Carpenter grunted. “I didn’t catch the name.”

[This here’s the wonderful town of Plessisville, Quebec,] Palladion supplied. [Population of... oh, seven thousand-odd? Give or take.]

“Doesn’t really matter,” dismissed Carpenter, “I’m only here for the gas.”

“Gas?” Fluttershy asked.

“Gasoline. Petroleum. Go-juice.” Carpenter patted the driver-side window sill. “To make this go. We ain’t getting to New York on a single tank of gas. And lard-ass in the back ain’t helping our fuel economy. We got spare tanks in the back, but I don’t wanna tap into those unless it’s an emergency. Ideally, I’d bring it all back to Forlorn Hope when we’re done.”

[It ain’t lard,] Palladion protested. [I’m just big-boned, is all.]

“Whatever. That’s where we are.”

“It’s very quiet,” Fluttershy observed. Carpenter snorted.

“Well, that’s because there’s nobody home. Ponies don’t wanna live out here, too bloody cold, and any humans out this way would have made their way or been brought to Laurier-Station by now.”

Twilight looked at the abandoned town. “It must have been something, when people were around.”

“Wait ‘til you see New York,” Carpenter grunted. “Probably shit yourself in awe. Here we go.”

The truck lurched as it slowed, and turned into a gas station, rumbling to a halt and squeaking as the brakes were applied. Carpenter killed the engine and sat back, sighing.

“Well, let’s get started. Twilight, I’ll start the petrol flowing; you keep an eye on it while I go have a nose around inside the shop.” Carpenter nodded at the abandoned storefront, lights flickering sporadically inside. “I’m jonesing for a smoke.”

“Uh, what?” Twilight shook her head, clearly not understanding. Carpenter sighed again, and levered his door open. With a thump of boots on concrete, he jumped out of the truck, and walked around it. With a small noise of satisfaction, he found the petrol cap and opened it. Twilight and Fluttershy leaned out of the truck, watching him work, and he nodded.

“Might as well get out and stretch your legs, you two - we got a long drive ahead of us.”

+==[~~~]==+

The day had passed on, and the two ponies and human were still walking along the forest path - to their relief, no unusual events had come to pass, and no manticores had shown up looking for a round two.

Richard grimaced as he walked along. “What on earth is that smell?”

Rainbow Dash sniffed the air. “Oh, swamp. We must be close to Froggy Bottom Bog.”

“Froggy Bottom-” Richard frowned. “You’re yanking my chain. Nobody calls a swamp that.”

“No lie, Richard,” Lyra called back.

“Who named locations in Equestria?” Richard asked. “Did they think about it at all? Really?”

“I don’t really see the problem,” Lyra shrugged.

“All your town names are horse puns,” argued Richard.

“I quite like them,” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “What do you humans call your cities, then?”

“Houston,” Richard supplied. “Albany. New York. See how not-stupid those names are?”

“Yawn,” Rainbow Dash mock-yawned. “Pass. Gimme Cloudsdale any day of the week.”

Richard opened his mouth to retaliate, but Lyra stopped, listening intently, and he held his tongue.

“What is it?” he asked, wary.

“I thought I heard somepony,” Lyra muttered. “Out that way.”

“Rainbow Dash looked, and glanced at the sky. “Hmm, that’s out towards Froggy Bottom Bog... we don’t want to go out that way, I think there’s still a hydra hanging about there.”

“Hydra?” Richard asked.

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash nodded. “Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Applejack found that out when it chased and tried to eat them.”

“And you’re saying you hear someone in Froggy Bog whatever-it-is?” Richard looked at Lyra, who nodded.

“Pretty sure. Sounded like they said “pinecone” to me.”

Richard sighed, and rubbed his helmet, muttering to himself. “My side-track sense is tingling.”

“We can’t just leave them to find out about the hydra on their own, right?” Rainbow Dash asked. “We gotta tell them.”

“But... Hollow Shades!” Lyra frowned. “Canterlot! We’ve got an appointment with the Princess!”

“I vote for telling the mystery pony about the hydras,” Richard said, hesitantly.

Lyra looked at him. “What’s with the sudden love for ponies?” She asked, curious.

“The longer it takes for us to get to Canterlot, the better,” Richard stated. “I’m not keen on meeting the Princess. That said, I’m not keen on meeting the hydra, either, but... I’d rather take the hydra.”

Lyra sighed. “Well, it was over this way, I think. Let’s go.”

The party made a sharp turn, and left the beaten path, pushing through the foliage towards Froggy Bottom Bog.

+==[~~~]==+

Twilight leaned against the truck idly, listening to the petrol pour into the fuel tank with a gurgle. She wrinkled her nose at the smell, as she looked around at the abandoned town; in passing, it didn’t look so bad, but now that she was taking a good look at it...

Windows were broken where looters had decided that walking an extra six steps to the door was too much hassle. Other buildings were boarded up, doors hanging ajar where things had managed to force their way in. Twilight thought she spotted vaguely humanoid shapes in one building, but closer examination had yielded faceless, featureless statues wearing human clothes.

In the meantime, Carpenter had ransacked the store, and having found a pack of cigarettes with relative ease, retreated to the bathroom to enjoy his prize. Twilight didn’t see the purpose of the little rolls of paper, but it seemed to make Carpenter happy, so she didn’t really care either way.

Palladion seemed content to just sit in the back of the truck in silence, and Fluttershy just cantered about the forecourt, looking around for something.

“What are you looking for, Fluttershy?” Twilight asked.

“Flowers, or animals,” Fluttershy sighed, fluttering over to the unicorn. “There’s not a lot of either. I found a small flower, but it was just a dandelion.”

“No flowers anywhere?” Twilight asked. “Not even a flower-box?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “Not even a flower-box. Even if there were people living here...”

Twilight looked out at the town again, seeing a plastic bag bounce and roll past. The sharp snap of metal sounded as the pump decided the tank was full, and cut off. “It’d still be missing something.”

“Mhmm,” Fluttershy agreed, looking at the sky. She gasped, and poked Twilight in the shoulder. “Look! Pegasi!”

Twilight obliged, getting up and stepping out from under the forecourt’s roof. Up in the sky, three specks drifted by; Twilight squinted at them, shielding her eyes from the sun with a hoof.

“Are you sure they’re pegasi?” Twilight asked, squinting harder. “They could be really big, wierd birds. I wouldn’t put it past humans to have strange animals.”

“I’m sure,” Fluttershy nodded. “Look, I think they spotted us.”

Sure enough, the dots had changed tack, going into a circular flight path; suddenly, they went into a dive, heading straight for the truck. Twilight flinched, and her eyes went wide as she recognized the lead pegasus, streaking down faster than either of the two pegasi flanking her.

“Twilight!” the pegasus shouted, plowing into Twilight and carrying her out the other side of the forecourt, hugging her with incredible strength and force. “Oh, Celestia! Twilight! It’s you!”

“Yes, it’s me!” Twilight gasped. “Rainbow Dash! What’s going on?!”

The cyan pegasus held Twilight at hoof’s length by her shoulders, and looked her up and down. Twilight did the same, noting the bandolier of vials across her friend’s chest. “What’s going on? What’s going on?!” Rainbow Dash repeated, tears forming in her eyes. “I thought you were dead! We all did!”

“Dead?” Twilight managed to squeeze out. “But I’m not dead!”

“But we thought you were!” Rainbow Dash said, hugging Twilight again. “Your brother was in tears over it! Celestia looked like she’d had her heart cut out! Your parents...” Rainbow Dash held Twilight out again. “They’ll be so happy! How in the wide world of Equestria did you survive the blast? Not a scratch on you!”

“Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy flew out to the pair, and Rainbow Dash’s mouth hung agape in surprse.

“Fluttershy? What are you doing out here?” Rainbow Dash frowned as the two pegasi that had followed her finally caught up, and looked back at Twilight. The unicorn flinched as she saw Rainbow Dash’s eyes - they had glazed over ever-so-slightly, pupils dilating a little more than they should be. “Actually, what are you doing all the way out here, Twilight?”

“I’m... travelling back to Equestria?” Twilight guessed.

“How?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Walking? That’s ridiculous! Come on, I’ll carry you back, we can be back in Canterlot by the end of the day!”

“No!” Twilight shook her head, then realized her mistake. “I mean, no, Rainbow Dash. I can’t leave my friend behind.”

“Friend?” Rainbow Dash looked around. “Where are they?”

“He’s in the back of that truck,” Twilight lied, “I’m driving the truck to Equestria, so I can bring my friend with me.”

“Your friend... is he one of us?” Rainbow Dash asked. If her eyes had unsettled Twilight before, now they were downright disturbing, having morphed into slits; Twilight swallowed her revulsion and shook her head.

“No, he’s not a pony.”

“Really, now?” Rainbow Dash motioned to one of her pegasi, who drew a glass vial of potion from the bandolier on his own chest. “Let’s fix that, shall we? Can’t have him missing out on all...”

Rainbow Dash darted over to the back of the truck; the cover was down, and so obscured what lurked within. With a look to the potion-carrying pegasus, she hooked a hoof into the cover, and whipped it up.

“The fun!” she yelled, and the pegasus pitched the vial; there was a smash, and a splash of fluid. Twilight winced, and hoped Palladion didn’t blow it.

[Well, now,] Palladion said, disapprovingly. [That’s a fine how-do-you-do, isn’t it? You done got purple fluid all over me!]

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash asked, confused, “What’s going on? Where’s Twilight’s friend?”

[Twilight’s friend?] Palladion asked, chuckling. [That’s me, missy.] Palladion’s drill began to spin slowly, a gentle threat. [Is this a friend of yours, Twilight?]

“Yeah,” Twilight nodded, catching up to her decidedly anomalous friend. “This is Rainbow Dash. She’s my friend.”

[Humph,] Palladion said, letting the drill wind down. [She didn’t make much of a first impression, throwing purple stuff at me like that.]

“I’m so sorry,” Rainbow Dash said, looking at Twilight with once-more normal eyes. “I thought he was a human.”

“That’s okay, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight nodded. “We all make mistakes, sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash chuckled, rubbing the back of her head. “I guess we do. What’s the plan Twi?”

“Oh,” Twilight said, caught off-guard. “I was going to drive Palladion to Equestria, he wants to be a pony, doesn’t he?”

[Oh yeah,] Palladion’s tiny little sensor-cluster head bobbed up and down. [Sure as sunshine, this old cowpoke wants to see things from a different perspective.]

“Riiight,” Rainbow Dash nodded slowly, then looked back at Twilight. “I’ll fly on ahead to Equestria, let them know the good news!”

“That’s... great, Rainbow!” Twilight nodded enthusiastically. “You do that!”

Rainbow Dash gave Twilight one last hug. “I still can’t believe you’re alive! You gotta tell me how you got out of that Library in one piece! The explosion was massive!”

“Explosion?!” Twilight blurted out. Rainbow Dash didn’t seem to notice the discrepancy.

“Yeah,” she barelled on. “It was titanic! We thought nopony survived - there were ponies who were outside when that bomb went off, and they didn’t last long; we dug through that rubble for days, Twilight, didn’t find a thing of you! I guess now we know why, huh?” Rainbow Dash nudged Twilight excitedly. “Oh, this is just so awesome! I- oh.”

Twilight looked on as the pegasus sagged visibly, and landed. The Rainbow Dash in front of her was clearly wrong, but she couldn’t shake the empathy she felt for the pony who looked like one of her best friends.

“Rainbow? What’s wrong?”

“You didn’t hear?” Rainbow Dash asked, sadly. “I... forgot for a moment that... Applejack and Rarity...”

“Applejack and Rarity...?” Twilight pressed onwards. “Did... something happen to them?”

“They’re... they’re gone, Twi,” Rainbow said, sadly. “They never made it back from the human fort two nights ago, and we didn’t notice in all the confusion when they captured the Princess. We hope they just got lost, or something, but...”

“Hey, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight patted the pegasus on the side, “You found one friend you thought was dead today - perhaps you’ll find Applejack and Rarity, too. Go, I’ll be fine - you keep searching, I’ll make my way to Equestria with Fluttershy. We’ll be fine.”

Rainbow Dash sniffed, and smiled. “You’re right, Twi. I reckon if anypony can do it, I could. Thanks.” The pegasus lifted off again. “You always knew just what to say.”

Twilight waved a hoof slowly as Rainbow Dash motioned to her two followers, and the trio took wing. A few drops landed on the ground, and she was gone. Twilight watched Rainbow vanish into the distance, and Fluttershy looked back at the store.

“Um, Mr. Carpenter, she’s gone.”

There was movement inside the store, and Carpenter got up from behind a low magazine rack, and staggered to the door.

“Thank fuck,” he said as he pushed through it, returning a handgun back to it’s holster on his hip. “My knees were killing me. Is the pump finished?”

Twilight nodded. “Finished a little while ago.”

“Then let’s make like trees and get the fuck out of town before that pegasus comes back.”

+==[~~~]==+

Richard parted the foliage with a rustle as he walked through it; ahead of him, Rainbow Dash flew above the low foliage, and Lyra used her magic to clear her own path.

“Ah ha, yes,” a faint voice mumbled, “was there ever any doubt?”

“Huh,” Rainbow Dash frowned. “I know that voice... it’s right on the tip of my tongue...”

“Aaaugh,” the voice sighed. “If only you were a nice dandelion sandwich...”

“Eugh,” Lyra grunted. “The voice is... for some reason, I just want to... dump cold water on her or something. I don’t know why.”

“Oooh,” Rainbow Dash tapped her temple with a hoof. “It’s... it’s... ah! It’s that showmare that claimed she could vanquish an Ursa Major! Her name was-”

“Trixie should have more faith in her talents,” the voice muttered. “Trixie will make it, not far now. Just this accursed bog to get through. Ah ha! Oh, wait, those aren’t the good mushrooms. Trixie remembers those ones.”

“This “Trixie” had better be a second, very quiet pony,” Richard grunted. “I’m starting to regret voting for common decency.”

“Yeah, likewise,” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Last time she came to town, she made foals of me, Applejack and Rarity, and would have gotten the town utterly destroyed by an Ursa if Twilight hadn’t stepped up and shown her how it was done.”

“Not your most favorite pony in the world, then, huh?” Lyra asked, grinning.

Rainbow frowned. “Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” she said, “Talking about herself in the third person, ego the size of Twilight’s hot air balloon, and a reputation built on lies and trickery. Although I think her reputation’s been trashed - word got out about how she couldn’t handle the Ursa Minor.”

“She sounds like an asshole,” Richard voiced an opinion. “If someone was like that on Earth, they’d probably get a knuckle sandwich sooner rather than later. They usually do.”

“Knuckle sandwich?” Lyra asked.

“Knuckles are this part of my hand,” Richard pointed at his right-hand knuckles with his left hand. “A knuckle sandwich is a euphemism for attempting to put them at the back of someone’s throat.”

“Wouldn’t teeth get in the way?” Lyra asked. “You humans do have teeth, right?”

“That’s the idea,” Richard nodded.

“But... that’d hurt them!” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “Getting hit in the teeth with anything really hurts!”

“That’s. The. Idea,” Richard repeated, nodding more vigorously.

“Wow,” Rainbow Dash snorted, “Humans are mean. I don’t know why anypony would want to make a human a pony.”

Richard was about to respond, when he spotted the edge of the forest up ahead; just outside, a blue unicorn sat on a tree stump, facing away from them. Perched atop a ice-white mane was a frayed, worn purple hat with crudely-stitched stars on.

“Behold!” the mare’s voice rang out, much louder now, “Come one, come all! Watch in awe, as The Great and Powerful Trixie performs the greatest acts of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!”

“She’s still at it,” Rainbow Dash sighed. “Hasn’t changed a bit. Must be practicing.”

“For starters, the Great and Powerful Trixie will make this pinecone... disappear!”

The party watched as she produced a pinecone, holding it out in a hoof - then, with a reluctantly swift movement, it was brought to the unicorn’s face, and crunching was heard.

“Is she... eating the pinecone?” Lyra muttered. “That is... wow.”

“I guess times really are hard,” Rainbow Dash said, grimacing. “I feel kind of sorry for her. Pinecones? Really?”

The trio cleared the edge of the swamp unnoticed, as Trixie crunched away at her pinecone, and took in the scenery. Froggy Bottom Bog had a very... unique asthetic. For one, it was a bog largely devoid of surface vegetation of any sort; vast stretches of muddy, brown water were punctuated by small islands of mud and dirt, and the occasional tree. The bog stretched on for quite a distance, and Richard could see a small peak of stone against the horizon.

He considered his options.

+==[~~~]==+

“Oh, who is Trixie kidding?” the show-mare mumbled, coughing and clearing her throat. “Trixie’s career in magic is over.”

“With an act like that,” a voice said loudly, “I’m not surprised.”

The mare jumped, startled. She spun, and saw it. Tall, green... not exactly handsome, and with a featureless face that just stared at her. The natural response to scream in fright was suppressed when she saw the two ponies standing at his side; when she saw the rainbow-maned one, recollection was instantaneous.

A visit to a small town just out of Canterlot... a pegasus with the same colors demonstrating speed and skill... before she made her a laughing stock by spinning her own rainbow around her and zapping her with a thundercloud... oh dear. She’d never forgotten that pegasus’ name.

“They don’t call me Rainbow, and Dash, for nothing!”

Trixie, to her credit, had one hell of a poker-face. She suppressed the scream, and adopted an air of indifference; all in the name of avoiding that one dish worse than the pinecone she’d just eaten - humble pie.

“I- ahem, Trixie did not hear you approach,” she said, sitting up straighter. “Who are you to criticize the Great and Powerful Trixie?”

Good save, she patted herself on the back mentally. Kept your cool, and still asked what that thing is, without sacrificing what’s left of your dignity. Celestia knows we have precious little of that left.

“Who I am is none of your business,” the thing said, waving aside the protestations of the ponies at his side and neatly sidestepping her question. “But I’m here to tell you that this here is apparently hydra country. I’m gonna guess you know what a hydra is.”

“Of course Trixie knows about hydras,” she said. “Naturally, she knows that this is “hydra country”, as well,” she embellished. She decided to go for broke, see if she couldn’t impress the creature before her. “Trixie is quite capable of dealing with such a little thing as a hydra - she even once vanquished an Ursa Major!”

“Ha!” Rainbow Dash snorted.

“I heard about that,” the thing said. “Buggered if I know what an Ursa Major is, but if it’s worse than a hydra, I take my hat off to you.”

“Worse than a hydra?!” Trixie exclaimed. “Foal! It is a gargantuan bear, made of stars and vicious claws! If I was not at Hoofington, the town would have been lost, for it was I who vanquished it on my own! Doubt not the magical power of the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“Magic, smagic,” the thing retorted.

“Well,” the unicorn on the thing’s other side said, bristling, “Richard beat a manticore in a fight - can you do that?”

“Naturally!” Trixie stuck her nose into the air. “Manticores are foals’ play for a unicorn of my power!”

“Whatever,” the Richard said. “I ain’t here to argue who ranks higher on the ass-kick-o-meter. I came here to tell you there’s probably hydras about, and that they’re nasty fuckers to deal with. You know that, so we’re done here.” He turned to each of the ponies at his side. “Let’s go, and leave the great and powerful Trixie to her pinecones. We’ve got a town to get to.”

“That’s right!” Trixie closed her eyes in triumph, striking a pose. “Flee from Trixie, lest she prove that she is better than you in every way!”

+==[~~~]==+

Richard froze, and stopped walking. Rainbow Dash stopped, and looked at him.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re letting that jibe get to you,” she whispered.

“I can’t believe I felt sorry for her,” Lyra said, shaking her head. “She is just...”

“Shh!” Richard held a finger up, listening hard; it was difficult when that blue unicorn wouldn’t shut up, but...

Bloop bloop.

“What’s that noise?” Rainbow Dash asked, before sniggering. “It sounds kinda like somepony farting in a bathtub!”

“Rainbow!” Lyra looked mildly astounded and amused at the same time. “That’s immature!”

“Farting in a bathtub,” Richard nodded. “Or a hydra waking up. I don’t see any ponies in bathtubs around here.”

The trio turned around, and faced Trixie once more. The showmare was still boasting and taunting, oblivious to the large shadows looming above and over her, pillars of scaly terror rising out of the foul, earthy muck that was the bog. Four pairs of reptilian eyes stared at her, and four serpentine tongues licked razor-sharp teeth.

“Trixie,” Rainbow Dash called out, not taking her eyes off the Hydra, “You’re great, we get it. Turn around, there’s a hydra right. behind. you.”

Trixie scoffed, eyes still shut. “Rainbow Dash, was it? Trying to trick me? It won’t work - The Great and Powerful Trixie is beyond your pitiful attempts to outwit her!”

“Trixie,” Lyra called out. “She’s not kidding. Hydra.”

“If you think Trixie is so easily tricked, think again,” Trixie declared.

“Hey, Ticksie!” Richard yelled. Trixie opened her eyes to fix him with a look for mangling her name, and he seized the opportunity, pointing behind her.

The alien gesture was not lost on Trixie, and she recognized the meaning. She sighed. “Trixie will not look, just because you mangle her name,” she declared. “I am all-knowing, all-powerful and all-seeing! And I know for a fact that there is no-”

Wham-chomp

The head of the hydra embedded itself in the mud ever so slightly as it took a titanic bite; where the stump had been, nothing remained, just a shallow divot that slowly filled with fetid water. The hydra’s head rose into the air, and after a moment’s pause, spat.

With a solid whud, the tree stump landed in the mud just in front of Richard, and was splashed by a stream of muddy water and dirt. To top it off, a pinecone bounced off the top of the stump and bounced off Richard’s visor. No blue unicorns.

Rainbow Dash and Lyra panicked.

“Oh Celestia,” Lyra breathed. “It ate her! Whole!”

“Nopony deserves to go like that,” winced Rainbow Dash. “Not even her.”

Richard didn’t take his eyes off the hydra, which was making an effort to swallow. “Rainbow, could the hydra chase us through the forest?”

“Uh, yeah,” Rainbow Dash nodded. “With ease - of all of us, only I could get away - and I am not leaving you two to get eaten.”

“How noble,” sighed Richard. “Fight it is, then.” He looked at what he had to work with, and at the hydra. “Fuck me, this is going to suck.”

Trouble

TCB: A Kinder World

06 - Trouble

Mud cascaded down from the hydra as it reared its ugly heads, one watched by the other three as it struggled to swallow it's most recent meal. Short, sturdy limbs pulled themselves from the mire of the bog’s depths, and it stepped onto firmer ground, claws giving it stability.

Rainbow Dash gulped. “You know, Pinkie called the hydra they found “super-duper ginormous”,” she remarked. “I’m starting to get a new appreciation for Pinkie’s ability to sugar-coat things.”

The hydra finished swallowing, and nodded to it’s counterparts. As one, they reared back, and cut loose with a simultaneous roar.

“Sweet Celestia!” Lyra exclaimed, putting a hoof up to shield her face as she struggled to remain upright, her lab coat flapping like a flag as the blast of (rather disgusting) air threatened to push her over outright.

Something purple flew out of the air, and with a wet thlap, hit her in the face. She pulled a face as she got a noseful of eau de hydra, and pulled the offending article off her face.

It was a hat. Trixie’s, no less. Lyra turned a slightly greener shade of teal, and cast the garment aside, looking at Richard. “Alright, what’s the plan?”

“Plan?” Richard asked, not taking his eyes off the heads, his larger bulk unmoved by the gale of gustatory wind. “I’m not so good with plans. That was Shirley’s department, I just provide persistence and brute force.”

Lyra sighed, and looked over to Rainbow Dash, who was slightly damp from hydra spittle, but otherwise unaffected. “RD! Could you distract the hydra?”

“You got it!” Rainbow snapped an informal salute, and shot into the sky, leaving a rainbow contrail. Distracted by the sudden movement, the hydra lunged for the speeding pegasus; a snap of jaws yielded no prize but a mouthful of rainbow. A faint, taunting “you missed” echoed through the air, and the hydra roared it’s frustrations.

Lyra, for her part, reached into her lab coat and pulled out a small, bronze device; she unfolded it with a snick, to reveal a small collapsible lyre; small spring-loaded wheels leapt into action, and the instrument’s strings were pulled taut with a gentle twang.

“Is now the time for music?” Richard asked, nodding at the hydra. “I know it’s said that music soothes the savage beast, but I’m pretty sure that’s bullshit. It never worked on my cat.”

“Shh!” Lyra frowned, closing her eyes. “I’m going to drive it into the bog! Once it’s stuck, you run in and stab it with that knife of yours!”

“Wait a minute,” Richard pointed again. “You want me to stab a hydra to death? With a knife?”

“It’s either that,” Lyra stated, “Or we can run. Your choice.”

Lyra turned to face the beast, and closed her eyes; with a flare of magic, she strummed the instrument carefully, a deep, resonating thrum coming not just from the instrument, but from the very ground itself. Richard looked down at the earth beneath his boots, and smiled.

Perhaps all was not lost.

+==[~~~]==+

Twilight watched the skies through the window, her breath causing part of it to fog up. In the middle, Fluttershy dozed, sitting upright in the middle, but head lolling about.

“So,” Carpenter said suddenly, once again in the driver’s seat. “That pony - a friend of yours?”

Twilight sat up, looking at Carpenter, who was looking at her, and nodded. “Something like that. I guess this world has a Rainbow Dash that knows me, too.”

“Parallel universes,” Carpenter snorted. “That’s a kettle of fish I never want to get involved with.”

“Something was wrong, though,” Twilight said. “I mean, Rainbow Dash isn’t the smartest pony around, but she’s not stupid. And she was... well...”

“Stupid?” Carpenter guessed.

“I was thinking “absent-minded”,” Twilight tilted her head. “She seemed kind of off-kilter.” Twilight shook her head. “And don’t even get me started on her eyes, and how she acted. That was plain disturbing.”

“Eyes?” Carpenter said. “What was up with her eyes?”

“You’ve never noticed that before?” Twilight asked.

“Usually,” Carpenter defended, “if a pony’s that close to me, I’m too busy fighting for my life to take notes on their eyes.”

Fluttershy snorted indelicately, and her eyes opened slowly. “What...” she yawned. “What’s this about eyes?”

“Fluttershy,” Twilight looked to her friend for support. “You saw Rainbow’s eyes, didn’t you? Did you see anything weird when she thought a human was in the back of the truck?”

Fluttershy looked pensive. “Not... really, no. Should I?”

Twilight looked confused. “But I’m sure I saw her eyes change... the last time I saw eyes like that was when Spike had that greed-induced growth spurt.”

“Oh, my,” Fluttershy said. “I... don’t think I saw anything like that.”

“You sure you saw what you saw?” Carpenter asked.

[I think I’d better weigh in on this’n,] Palladion said, over the radio. [I got a good look at that blue pegasus, and I didn’t see anything that I ain’t seen before. ‘cept that mane of hers, of course. Never seen a pony with a mane anythin’ like that before, all pretty rainbows and such.]

“There we go,” Carpenter shrugged. “The jury’s in, and they didn’t see a thing.”

Twilight frowned. “I know I saw it.”

“Not sayin’ you didn’t,” Carpenter shrugged. “You’re a unicorn and all, perhaps it’s a magic thing.”

“Well, eyes aside,” Twilight shook her head, “Her behaviour was downright bizzare - going on about how I’m supposed to be dead in some sort of explosion...”

Fluttershy made an awkward noise, and Carpenter remained focused on the road. Twilight noticed.

“What, don’t tell me you two didn’t hear that as well?”

“Um, Twilight, that... um.” Fluttershy bit her lip. “How do I say it...”

Carpenter sighed. “Good news, or bad news, Twilight?” he asked.

“Uh, good first,” Twilight responded, almost automatically.

“Good news,” Carpenter said, brightly, “You’ll never have to worry about running into parallel you.”

“O-kay... and that’s because...” Twilight’s face fell. “Oh.”

“Yeah, bad news,” Carpenter confirmed. “You were supposedly killed three weeks ago in the Library of Congress, I hear - bomb blast took out most of the building, and quite a few ponies outside. From what we can tell, you were the only pony in the library. Whoever did it went to extraordinary lengths to make sure you brought it.” Carpenter looked at Twilight. “Suffice to say, when you deliver that ultimatum, things are going to get interesting.”

+==[~~~]==+

Geomancy is a branch of magic not often seen in Equestria - viewed by many to be just telekinesis with music thrown in, the low magical power requirement does not do a lot to dissuade this widely-held but largely-wrong opinion.

Owing to the requirement for the user to be a unicorn capable of carrying a tune or six, true geomancers are few and far between; Twilight Sparkle, a prodigy in the magic arts, has a solid grasp of the theory, but is only minimally capable due to a condition politely referred to as “being musically incompetent”.

In the hooves of a unicorn capable of understanding music, however, Geomancy becomes a little more than a parlor trick; it becomes an easily-accessed fulcrum to a multitude of earth-based feats that would tax even the strongest telekinetics.

Like now, for example. Lyra Heartstrings stood atop a small island of packed dirt at the edge of the bog, as she strummed her lyre, brow knitted in concentration and horn aglow with only a little more magic than you’d expect from the simple act of strumming a musical instrument. On the face of it, you’d certainly never blame the tremors rocking the area on a unicorn playing an enthusiastic, if somewhat discordant, tune on her lyre.

Geomancy - the sleeping dragon of magical arts.

Richard struggled to keep his footing as the music carried on; with every strum of the lyre, a new movement was felt, and the hydra stumbled out towards the middle of the bog - distracted by the rainbow pegasus flying circles around it’s heads, it barely noticed the increasingly unstable footing.

Lyra cracked an eye open, looking at Richard. “What are you waiting for? Go on, do your thing!”

“You want me to just run out onto a swamp in this?” Richard gestured at the EOD suit. “I’ll sink!”

“Then take it off!” Lyra shot back.

“Over my dead body!” Richard retorted.

“Then find another way!” Lyra exclaimed. “I don’t think that hydra’s gonna put up with this for much longer!”

Richard searched around, trying to focus amidst the tremors. The hydra was out there; he was here. There were rocks and old trees throughout the bog, but no actual islands that he could see. The surface of the swamp glooped in agitation with the tremors, and seemed like an impassable obstacle. But Richard had a will, and he could see a way.

Half a plan forming in his head, he ran for the edge of the swamp proper, headed for a rock. With a hop, skip and a jump, he leapt, and flailing his arms like windmills, landed on the top of the rock; it was barely big enough to hold him, but that didn’t matter, because it was just a stepping stone to the next solid object. With a second leap, Richard hopped from the rock to an old treetrunk floating on it’s side. With a scrape of boot on mossy wood, his mud-coated boots found no purchase, and he slipped.

“Fuck!” he shouted, falling sideways. With a whump, he landed on the log and began to slip off, into the swamp. With a flailing hand, he grabbed what was left of an old branch; he looked at his handhold with surprise when it didn’t break, and with a grunt, pulled himself back up onto the log.

“You okay?” Lyra called out.

“Just peachy!” Richard shot back, before muttering to himself quietly. “Fucking stupid mossy logs no traction bullshit...”

The human returned to his feet, and set off at a quick trot down the log, posture low for balance. With a heave, he leapt to a ridge of rock that protruded from the swamp, and arms outstretched, landed on the thin edge with a cat’s grace, regaining his balance. A stark contrast to his ungainly slip on the log.

Quick steps marked his progress along the thin stone, followed by a thap as he leaped to a flat rock, just under the surface of the bog. He looked up, and saw a rainbow blur darting at and around the hydra, the oversize lizard’s eyes moving fast to track Rainbow Dash... one pair. The other three pairs were looking at him, and they looked hungry.

“Watch out, Richard!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “I think it wants to eat you!”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious!” Richard yelled back.

+==[~~~]==+

The hydra had had enough.

The smaller, swifter Rainbow Dash was just that - too small, too fast. A waste of time, really. Not to mention the constant taunts being hurled it’s way were hurtful - a hydra had feelings too, did it not?

The multi-headed leviathan turned it’s attention to the fatter-looking, slower-moving creature perched on a rock in front of it. One of the heads came to the conclusion that yes, it did look awful tasty. The second was still a little dizzy from tracking the pegasus, and didn’t really want to eat anything at the moment. The third was largely indifferent, and only a little cautious, having had trouble eating that loud thing earlier.

The fourth wasn’t that stupid, and spotted something shiny in the creature’s limb; like a tooth, only without a mouth. Or perhaps that was it’s mouth, and the head was a deception?

No matter; whether the head was on top or on the side of the body didn’t really matter, as long as it went down smooth. With a little luck, this one would do just that. Not like the small blue pony, which had kicked and screamed something atrocious.

One of the more eager heads elected to make the first move, and struck; like a rattlesnake, the head lashed out, eager for a taste of the mysterious creature.

Equally fast, the creature dived to the side, landing with a splash next to another rock. The hydra was suddenly faced with a new menu; submerged stone, with a side of pain.

+==[~~~]==+

The hydra roared in pain as it managed to headbutt the stone Richard had been standing on, and the human in question found time to chuckle with amusement, even as he hauled himself out of the bog once more.

The Hydra’s remaining heads glared at him angrily, and tried to charge; a loud squelching, and they realized that one of their legs was stuck quite firmly in the muck. Again.

Richard moved while the beast was confused, hopping from stone to log to stump to stone once more, getting as far as he could, and making it to a scant fifteen metres away from the stationary creature.

Another head roared, and attempted to avenge it’s less-fortunate comrade. Richard didn’t react in time, slow to dive, and with a snap, he was picked up by his leg. Richard thanked his lucky starts that the EOD suit proved it’s worth against wild animals once again, the tough ballistic material staying intact against the jaws of the beast.

Now there was just that little problem of being upside down. With a jerk, the hydra rectified that problem for him, and adjusted him in it’s mouth, throwing and re-catching him by the torso and right shoulder. The sudden pressure on his chest made Richard gasp for breath and reconsider his plan, which seemed like it needed revising, truth be told. Richard decided on a plan of action, and started his new plan by gripping his knife tighter in his right hand; with a vigorous motion, he stabbed into where he thought the hydra’s tongue was.

The hydra’s mouth opened as it roared in pain, and Richard consulted his internal to-do list as he fell out - escape, check. He compared the next task to the rapidly approaching surface of the bog. Not die - perhaps checking this one was going to be a challenge.

+==[~~~]==+

Lyra stopped strumming the lyre to watch the fight go on; Rainbow Dash landed next to her, breathing hard. They practically felt the ground shake as the hydra headbutted the submerged stone.

“Celestia, look at him go!” Lyra said. “He just doesn’t stop!”

“The hydra, or Richard?” Rainbow Dash puffed.

“Richard, obviously,” Lyra gestured at the running human. “A pony would have been mince by now, but here he is, taking on a hydra! It’s gotta be the hands!”

The hydra snapped Richard up with one of it’s heads like lightning, and the pair watched as the human was hoisted into the air by his leg.

“Richard!” Lyra screamed.

“Spoke too soon,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Okay, you start running; I’ll try and get Richard, we’ll try and out-run it.”

“Wait, never mind!” Lyra switched tack, pointing with a hoof. “Look!”

The hydra roared in pain, and like a rock, Richard fell out, his knife glinting silver and red as he fell. With a wet splash, he hit the muddy water like a rock, submerging completely, and Rainbow Dash hovered into the air, concerned.

“Oh Celestia, is he alright?!” she exclaimed, ready to dart over.

The water thrashed, and Richard resurfaced, his head clearing the water as he struggled to get up, muddy water running off him in rivulets as he voiced his displeasure.

“Fuck gravity!” he yelled, clutching his side as he got up. “Seriously, fuck it!”

Rainbow Dash returned to the ground. “He’s fine,” she assessed.

Richard waded through the waist-deep water with as much haste as he could manage, staggering to the hydra’s chest; he raised the knife in his hand, and-

Nothing.

“What?!” Rainbow Dash demanded, looking at Richard, who was in turn looking at his knife and at the shallow scratch he’d made on the scale he’d tried to stab. “You’re kidding me!”

Richard tried again, this time trying to stab around the scale - no luck, and the knife just slid off again. He looked up, and saw the hydra looming over him. He seemed to slump a little, and Rainbow Dash leaned forward again.

“No, Richard... don’t give up!”

Richard returned his knife to it’s sheath, and stepped back, waving at the hydra. “Come on, you fucker! Come and get it!”

“Richard! No!” Lyra held out a hoof, looking for a way to get over the bog. “Don’t do it!”

Richard couldn’t, or wouldn’t, hear them, stepping back into prime eating range for the hydra. The hydra considered him, skeptical - Once bitten, twice shy, and so forth.

Lyra hoped that Richard had some sort of miraculous trick up his sleeves - perhaps some new human trait that she hadn’t heard about? Super-strength? Incorporeality? Something? Anything!

The hydra decided that Richard was fair enough game to be getting on with, and struck, jaws open wide to receive the prize. Richard dove... straight into the hydra’s mouth.

“Richard!” Lyra screamed; she was frozen mid-dash by Rainbow, pulling on her tail.

“No!” Rainbow grunted around the tail in her mouth. “It’s no good! We have to run!”

“But, Richard!” Lyra looked at the hydra, which was repeating it’s earlier swallowing act, albeit with more choking.

“We have to run! I think he did it to buy us some time!” Rainbow Dash tugged harder. “Come on! We have to run!”

Lyra looked one last time at the hydra, which was roaring in triumph, and after a moment of agony, nodded.

“Alright, let’s run.”

+==[~~~]==+

It had been a long time coming, but Trouble had finally made an appearance at the Forlorn Hope Armory, in the form of something which looked like it had been considerably more than a bump in the night, and probably closer to a small explosion. Following hot on the heels of Trouble, however, was Questions. Questions that wore a military biohazard suit, smoked a cigar and generally looked and sounded like the Commander himself.

Tulip stood in the doorway, thouroughly unimpressed. All around him, soldiers were in a panic, trying to do a multitude of things. Mostly covering their collective and individual arses by hiding evidence because the big boss was watching. The slightly smaller boss stood next to the big boss, wishing he could join them and ignore Questions.

“So,” Tulip said, looking at the room. “Quartermaster - the inability of your men to secure the armory aside, I’m not impressed with how you’re running things.”

Derrick Lynch, the Quartermaster, and a rather portly man, looked ashamed. “I... I don’t really have anything to say in my defense, sir.”

“Not only is the armory broken into, Mister Lynch,” Tulip sighed, “but not a single person here can actually tell me what was stolen, because nobody’s been keeping any records, and the stolen items could be anything.”

“It... uh,” the Quartermaster coughed awkwardly. “You see, when we prepared for the attack the other night...”

“You thought we were all going to die, and thought you didn’t have to keep records,” Tulip sighed. “I will confess that I thought the same way. But I still did my job, right up until the end. You, however, did not. And now that we’re not all going to die, we have a problem - to wit, that someone might die anyway, very soon, because some twit has a gun that we don’t know about and everyone’s generally jumpy bastards after the attack. Derrick, I really do not care for problems like this, and you seem like you’re determined to make sure this gets to my desk.”

“I- “ Derrick Lynch cleared his throat. “We’re checking inventory now. Most of my team can remember what they issued and what they didn’t.”

“Quartermaster, “Most of”?” Tulip frowned. “Most of? What about the ones that don’t?”

“Well, uh... um.” Lynch looked at his boots. “That’s... that’ll be a problem, yes.”

Tulip took his cigar in one hand, and ran his other down his face in exasperation. “Please tell me the explosive ordinance, experimental, and heavy weapons are all accounted for. Especially since I can see the lock to that door’s been blown as well.”

“Those were the first things we checked,” Lynch said, brightening and taking heart that he’d managed to take the initiative on this, at least. “Don’t worry - all the detpacks are present, and the Deus Ex is safely locked away in it’s container.”

“Really, now?” Tulip placed the cigar back in his mouth. “So, if everything’s present in Secure Storage, then why was the door busted?”

Lynch frowned in thought. “A red herring, perhaps?”

“I will admit that seems possible,” Tulip nodded. “Nevertheless. You’ve got until the end of the day, Mister Lynch - dust for prints, get evidence, and if you can’t bring me solid proof and a suspect by sundown, you’d better bring me some solid leads,” Tulip turned to leave. “Or your head will roll, do I make myself clear?”

“A-a solid lead?” Lynch stammered. “Commander! How can I do that?”

Tulip looked over his shoulder. “There are a thousand people on-base. Start crossing names off, ask questions. Play detective, Quartermaster. Remember - sundown.”

Tulip’s boots crunched on gravel and bits of rubble as he walked away, and the Quartermaster watched him go, face ashen.

“I’m so dead.”

+==[~~~]==+

Lyra and Rainbow Dash ran for their little pony lives, as fast as they could; dodging through the undergrowth in search of the path, they quickly tired. Even Rainbow Dash was feeling it, panic and playing decoy to distract the hydra earlier taking it’s toll. No such disadvantage to their pursuer, the hydra, as it happily romped over and through obstacles with ease, searching for them.

“Lyra!” Rainbow Dash called, leaping over a log. “Do that thing with your lyre again!”

“I can’t!” Lyra protested, brushing past a shrub and smearing green all over her once-white lab coat. “I need to concentrate on the music, and I can’t concentrate when there’s a hydra trying to eat me!”

“Join the club!” Rainbow Dash called back, sliding under a low arch of stone. “Whoa! Watch out!”

The blue pegasus skidded to a halt, and looked out at the water before her. Lyra caught up, and swore when she realized what she was seeing.

“A river,” she lamented. “We are so hydra-food.”

“There’s gotta be a way across!” Rainbow Dash looked around, then at Lyra. “I’ll carry you, even. Come on, gimme your shoulders!”

Lyra shook her head. “The river won’t even slow the hydra down, and by the time you’re done carrying me to the other side, you’ll be so tired it’ll catch us in no time!”

“Then what do you propose?” Rainbow Dash gestured at the river. “I don’t see you offering any solutions!”

Lyra’s face hardened. “You go. I’ll stall for time.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Gimme your shoulders now, or I take them! Today is not a good day to die!”

The pegasus tried to take Lyra’s shoulders, only for the unicorn to shake her off.

“Come off it, Dash - you’re one of the bearers of harmony,” Lyra pointed out. “You’re one of six ponies who can wield the strongest powers known to ponykind - you’re important! I’m just a regular old unicorn!” Lyra smiled. “Besides. I owe you for that one time on summer camp.”

“I don’t think helping you sneak into the kitchen at midnight for a snack is on a level with stalling for time against a hydra,” Rainbow Dash frowned.

“It is for me,” Lyra said, her horn glowing as she telekinetically pushed Rainbow Dash towards the edge. “Go!”

“No.” Rainbow Dash shook the telekinesis off, and stood her ground. “If you’re gonna get eaten, then I will too. We started this journey together, we’re finishing this together.”

The hydra’s roar echoed over the trees, and one head snaked up. It spotted the brightly-colored equines with ease, and roared again. With a shaking of earth and crunching of trees, the head stalked towards them, the other three heads snaking up to watch them. Lyra smiled.

“Well, looks like the decision’s been made, RD,” she chuckled, and unfolded her lyre again, and gave it a strum. “Let’s hope for a miracle, huh?”

The hydra finally cleared the edge of the forest, and roared it’s glee as it noticed it’s prey had stopped running. It reared it’s heads, and eyed the two up; the pegasus seemed like a better choice, not to mention the third head had a bit of a grudge against her for various taunts and insults regarding a multitude of subjects including, but not limited to, parentage, intellect, sexual potency and scale color.

The hydra licked it’s fangs, and before Lyra could do a thing, it cringed, stopping dead in it’s tracks. Lyra paused, mid-strum, confused. It spasmed, hunching over and roaring in pain. A claw clutched it’s breast and it dawned on Lyra.

“Oh, no way. Is he...?”

With a muffled shlick, accompanied by a titanic roar of pain, something sharp visibly bulged against the hydra’s chest, hammering on the scales from the inside. The hydra began to thrash, unable to do a thing about it. With a slam, it ran into a tree, and began to scoot about on the ground, roaring. To no avail, as something sharp and metallic finally stabbed through the skin.

The hydra couldn’t take it any more, and with a faint growl, passed out. All the while, Lyra and Rainbow Dash watched on in mild horror as the blade cut and stabbed a vaguely semi-circular arc through the scales. After a few minutes of crude hacking, a flap of flesh finally flopped open, and amidst a flood of nauseating fluids, a figure emerged.

Covered in bile, blood and things best not questioned, Richard stood. Over his shoulder, a limp, light-blue form was slung, bearing what looked like burn marks. Slight movement of her torso signalled breathing.

“It’s official,” Richard said, putting his knife away and stepping out of the corpse awkwardly, “I fucking hate Equestrian wildlife. It can all burn in hell for all I care.”

+==[~~~]==+

The truck slowed once more, and Twilight startled awake at the change in movement.

“What’s going on?” she asked blearily, rubbing her eyes. “Are we stopping for fuel again?”

“Nah,” Carpenter grunted. “Stopping for the night. I’d love to keep driving, but you know what they say about driving tired - you’re driving, you drop off to sleep, next minute, everyone’s upside down and/or dead.”

Twilight looked out the window at the still-running lights that blinked a steady message. “Motel. What’s a motel?”

“It’s like a hotel,” Carpenter shrugged, “Only... more situated on motorways? I got no idea.”

The truck rolled to a halt, and the brakes squeaked as Carpenter killed the engine and pushed the door open. Twilight and Fluttershy got out, and stretched their legs.

[I’ll just camp out here, pardners,] Palladion said. [I prefer a roof of stars, and all.]

“Also, because your oversized chassis won’t fit inside,” Carpenter pointed out, comparing the utility mech to the relatively tiny doorways of the rooms.

[Now that ain’t true, pardner. I can fit inside just dandy. I just don’t, is all.]

“Can we just... take a room?” Fluttershy asked. “Where do we pay?”

“Pay?” Carpenter laughed. “Abandoned, remember? Finding clean sheets is gonna be a real bugger, though. Let’s try to find some relatively clean rooms.”

Carpenter turned to the nearest room, and tried the door; to his distress, it was locked. He took out his handgun, and put it to the lock.

“Carpenter?” Twilight asked, curious. “What are you doing?”

“Lockpicking - block your ears,” Carpenter suggested, and averted his eyes as he pulled the trigger. The gunshot echoed around the low buildings, and Twilight and Fluttershy cringed at the volume of the noise.

Carpenter clicked the safety back on, and returned the gun to the holster as he pushed the newly unlocked door open with a creak. A waft of nauseating air hit his nostrils, and he grimaced.

Inside the dark room, the light from the setting sun and doorway illuminated a gruesome sight - what looked like the rotted corpse of a pony on the bed, missing most of it’s skull. On the other side of the room, a human corpse lay, propped up against the wall, what was left of it’s chin resting on the barrel of a hunting shotgun.

Carpenter shook his head, and pulled the door close before Twilight could smell or see what was inside the room.

“What’s wrong, Carpenter?” she asked. “Is the room too dirty?”

Carpenter paused, then nodded. “Yeah. Very. Don’t go in there.”

+==[~~~]==+

Dozens of miles away, a trio of pegasi flew through the air, framed by the sunset.

“Hey,” one of them said, “I wonder what Fluttershy’s doing out here - wasn’t she handling rehabilitation back in Canterlot hospital? How did she find Twilight?”

“I have no idea,” Rainbow Dash sighed, smiling. “It’s just good to know she’s still alive, even after the bomb and all.”

“Uh,” the other pegasus said, hesitantly. “I just realized something.”

“What’s that?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Uh, we’re up near... what’s the name, Quebec. Or whatever. Aaand... the Library Bombing happened south. Like, way far south. Why were Twilight and Fluttershy out here?”

There was a flash of magenta as Rainbow Dash’s eyes flashed unnaturally bright, tightening to slits. Her jaw clicked as her jaw clenched.

“They tricked me,” Rainbow Dash spat. “They aren’t my friends! They’re... spies! Dirty, cheating, lying spies!” Rainbow Dash skidded to a halt in the air. “They’re heading to Equestria! Equestria is in danger!”

“W- what do we do, Dash?” one of the pegasi asked.

Rainbow Dash’s eyes danced over the ground below and behind them - it was getting dark, and she couldn’t see anything in the half light. “Tonight, we’ll camp out here,” she decided. “Tomorrow, we haul flank back to Armor and warn him to be on his guard - there’s an imposter on the way!”

Rainbow Dash went into a slow circle, drifting down to the ground, followed by the two other pegasi without question.

“Using a stallion’s own dead sister against her...” Rainbow Dash muttered murderously. “Such a dirty, human thing to do!” Her eyes glowed brighter, and her face slackened slightly. “Yes... It’ll all be better when they’re one of us.”

Borderline

TCB: A Kinder World

07 - Borderline

The moon hung high in the sky, serene and calm in the night sky. It was bordered by the foliage of trees, stretching high above.

It was to this that Trixie awoke. She lay there, blinking. Was she dead? Was this the ever-after? The great beyond? She wasn’t quite sure what had happened to her - one moment, taunting, the next, darkness - but she had a nasty feeling it was exactly what she’d said she could handle on her own. It was all pretty hazy, she thought she remembered a giant mouth, but not a lot more. That was probably when she passed out. And probably a good thing, too, at that.

She sat up, wincing; she looked down, and saw patches of her coat had vanished, angry red skin showing beneath, and getting irritated as she moved and her skin moved with her - it was like she’d been burned or something, but at the same time, there was no charred skin or hair. Strange. That ruled out being dead, then - why was she still hurting if she wasn’t dead?

But there was a light.

She got to her hooves, and hobbled over to the light; a fire. As she drew nearer an odor hit her nose, and she saw two lumps next to the fire.

She turned her nose up reflexively when she realized it was the two ponies from before, fast asleep. And then she felt a twisting in her heart.

Had these two ponies saved her? They had, hadn’t they - after all she’d said and done, she was still going to lose face over it...

Trixie frowned, and examined the fire closer; a thin, flat rock had been balanced over the fire, and a strange smell lingered. She wrinkled her nose as she picked out some remains on the rock; with her magic, she picked up a scrap, and looked at it in the light.

She dropped it back onto the stone in horror. Meat! Had they- She checked herself - all four limbs, horn, tail, check. No, no cannibalism. She wiped her brow - that tall tale about a pony being turned into baked goods in Ponyville was just a tale, after all. No, if not her, then...

She looked around; the trickle of water not far away suggested she was near a river, and that large shape just outside the treeline... that was a strange shape. She walked closer, and wrinkled her nose at the smell; bile and acid. Which made sense, given that the titanic shape looked to be a hydra’s corpse, and there was quite a large hole in it’s gut; flies flew in and out of the cavity freely, and Trixie felt like she wanted to hurl.

She ran to the edge of where she thought the river was, and did just that; it didn’t take long, she didn’t have a lot to throw up. Just a few bits of pinecone and stomach acid.

“Oh, real nice. Thank you so very much for doing that,” a voice said, sardonically. Trixie looked downstream, and saw that strange creature from before. Standing waist-deep in water which she’d just vomited into.

There’s a number of adjectives used to describe “The Great and Powerful” Trixie - Egotistical, for example. Humble isn’t one of them. Understanding... isn’t one either.

“What are you?” she demanded, cutting to the quick.

“I am a human named Richard,” the creature said. “And I would like it to stay that way, if you get what I mean, so keep that magic of yours in check, unicorn.”

“Human?” Trixie snorted. “Trixie has never heard of such creatures.”

The Richard snorted, and dipped under the water with a slosh, and vanished. Trixie frowned, and waited for it to resurface. With a rush of water, it re-emerged - right in front of her. With a squeal, she fell over backwards, and landed on her burned rump with a cry of pain.

The creature latched onto the riverbank, and with a grunt, pulled itself out of the water. It staggered upright, water running off it like a fountain, and snorted.

“You’re a piece of work. You’ve been awake for a whole three minutes, and you’re already back to what I’m told are your arrogant, referring-to-yourself-in-third-person ways.: Richard nodded at the water. “Take a dip in the river if those acid burns are giving you hell.”

Trixie got up, and moved to the river cautiously. “Acid burns?”

“Yeah,” Richard nodded. “The hydra started digesting you. Those stomach acids are nasty, I think you’re lucky to be alive; death by digestion or drowning are horrible ways to go.”

Trixie slipped into the water, and shivered - it was cold. The Richard must be used to low temperatures. “What about you?” Trixie asked. “How did-”

“I went in the same way you did,” Richard said, sitting down, water dripping off his suit. “Fucker doesn’t have stupid knife-proof scales on the inside.”

“You mean-” Trixie looked at the titanic corpse. “You did that?”

“It wasn’t hard,” Richard grunted. “Get swallowed. Cut stab thrust. It’s really hard not to break something.”

Trixie felt a little unsettled. “You just talk about killing a hydra like it’s no big deal?”

Richard looked at her. “Rule one of showbusiness - the fact that there’s no show quite like it aside - the show must go on. If I panicked over every little thing that didn’t go according to plan, I’d never get anything done.”

+==[~~~]==+

Fluttershy opened her eyes slowly, to the gentle sizzle of... something. It wasn’t far away. She sat up and yawned, a wing unfurling to briefly scratch her side. The room seemed foreign for a moment, but then she remembered; the truck ride, the motel, and the room.

It wasn’t too bad, really; the bed had been left in a terrible mess, and whoever had used the room last had left bags of clothes behind, but that was okay - it hadn’t taken long to relocate all the clothes to the bag. An awful amount of belts, though, and most of them were far too short for a human waist, so it was beyond her what they were for.

At least some of the clothes made sense.

Fluttershy rolled out of bed, and yawned briefly, picking up a brush she’d found last night; with a little work, she brushed out her mane so it wasn’t atrocious, and took a deep breath. Time to face the day.

She exited the room, and stretched, sniffing the air. Whatever that sizzling noise was, it sure smelled - what in the name of Celestia was going on here?

Fluttershy’s eyes went wide as she looked at the scene before her; the previous night, they’d found three units next to each other to make use of, and parked the truck nearby. The middle unit’s door had been fairly demolished, debris scattered about, and the truck sat unnaturally high - where was Palladion? Had there been a fight in the middle of the night?

She fluttered over to the broken doorway, and looked inside; Carpenter was sitting at the unit’s dinner table, hunched over a mug of coffee and glaring at the kitchen. Twilight looked a little shell-shocked and hugged her own mug of coffee, her mane a mess. Inside the kitchen...

“Palladion?” Fluttershy exclaimed. “What are-”

[Howdy little lady!] Palladion called out from his position at the stove, over the sound of loud sizzling as he carefully manipulated the frying pan with his clamp. [You’re just in time for breakfast! Pull up a seat!]

Fluttershy sniffed the air appreciatively. “It smells great, Palladion!” She trotted over to the table, and noticed something strange. “Twilight, um, you’re all red. And Carpenter, you- are you choking?”

“I’m fine,” coughed Carpenter, turning a shade of pink himself. “Bit of coffee just went the wrong way, is all. Phew.”

“Uh, Fluttershy,” Twilight pointed with a hoof at Fluttershy’s legs. “What- what are those?”

“These?” Fluttershy held out a black-stocking-clad leg. “They’re socks. sort of. A little long, but they’re designed for human legs, I think. My hooves got cold during the night, so I put them on.”

“They, um,” Carpenter pointed briefly, before steepling his hands in front of his mouth awkwardly. “They’re very nice socks. I like the fishnet parts,” he mumbled.

“Yeah, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, giggling nervously. “Perhaps... perhaps they’re a little too nice, if you understand my meaning.”

“I don’t get it,” Fluttershy tilted her head.

Twilight turned a brighter shade of red. “Um, you see, socks... uh...”

There was a movement in the cosmos; planets and stars aligned, omens all came up pointing to one conclusion, and right on cue, the ground shuddered and Palladion arrived at the table with a hiss of pneumatics.

[Breakfast,] he declared, [Is served. Tuck in.]

There was a soft clink as three plates were placed in front of the organics, and they looked at them.

“What is it?” Twilight asked, poking hers.

“It’s something called a “MRE”,” Carpenter explained. “Meals Ready to Eat, we got a bunch of them in one of the crates in the truck. Usually you can cook ‘em to make them a little more exciting. Usually.” Carpenter jabbed a fork into his, and had a taste, retching. “Bleah. Usually. Somehow, Palladion, you’ve managed to make chicken fajita taste worse.”

Twilight poked hers curiously. “This doesn’t have meat in it, does it?”

[Heavens to betsy, no,] Palladion said, sounding slightly offended. [You’re not meat eaters, so I cooked you the vegetarian options! What sort of friend would I be if I gave you meat?]

Twilight sniffed. “Well, it smells alright.” She took a taste, and shuddered violently. “Oh, bleah, what- what was this supposed to be?”

[Vegetable lasagna!] Palladion said, before leaning in slightly. [Not to your taste?]

“Palladion, this is...” Twilight was lost for words. “I don’t know how you did this! How?”

Fluttershy sniffed hers. “Mmm, smells delicious.”

Twilight looked at her in fear. “Fluttershy, don’t - you’ll regret it.”

Fluttershy ignored Twilight, and carefully took a bite of hers. She tasted it, and nodded. “Tastes like spicy pasta, it’s quite nice.”

Carpenter looked at Fluttershy flatly. “You’re just saying that.”

“No, I really do,” Fluttershy nodded, smiling. Carpenter sat back, looking for a trace of guile or deceit in those eyes, and found nothing.

“Here, Fluttershy,” Twilight nodded at the plate. “Can I try a little of yours?”

“Sure,” Fluttershy pushed her plate over. “I’ll try some of yours as well.”

The two ponies taste-tested the dishes.

“Eugh!” Twilight cried. “It’s worse!”

“I love it!” Fluttershy said, smiling. “I can taste the asparagus!”

Twilight looked at her friend. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Sure I’m sure,” Fluttershy nodded. “Can I have yours as well?”

Twilight just looked at Fluttershy in amazement, and pushed the plate over. Fluttershy took it, and with care, began to eat.

[Well, now,] Palladion said. [It does this cowpoke a power of good to see someone enjoyin’ good vittles, f’once. I’ll be outside if you need me.]

The mech turned, and with heavy steps, stumped out the broken doorway, wood squeaking as he brushed against it. Fluttershy watched him go, and looked at Carpenter.

“What happened?” she asked.

“What happened,” Carpenter growled, “Was that Palladion decided sunup was a great time to drill through the door, push his way in here, and start cooking breakfast. And ignore me telling him to stop, on the grounds that if he did not make us breakfast, we’d might suffer harm from not eating a proper meal. Just to annoy me.”

“The drilling woke me up, too,” Twilight groaned. “It must have woken you up, too, Fluttershy, surely.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “I didn’t hear a thing,” she said, taking another bite of the pasta MRE.

“You can stop eating that now,” Twilight said. “Palladion’s gone. You won’t hurt his feelings.”

“But,” Fluttershy swallowed and shook her head. “It really is good - you don’t like it?”

“Not exactly,” Twilight said.

“He made a bad meal taste worse,” Carpenter grumbled. “I’d rather eat horseshit, no offense. Twilight, we’ll stop off at a store and see if we can’t find some canned beans or something.”

Fluttershy just shrugged. “Your loss.”

+==[~~~]==+

Meanwhile, in another world, other ponies were having a morning of their own.

“Ugh,” complained Rainbow Dash, stretching. “I hate sleeping on the ground. I’d sleep on a cloud, but... Everfree.”

Lyra shook her head, flicking water from the stream about. “I hadn’t planned on still being in the forest by now, I’m hungry.”

“Trixie has thought of that,” a pompous voice declared, “And Trixie has delivered!”

The two mares turned to see Trixie and Richard on the edge of the forest, the former holding a multitude of vegetation aloft in magic, and the latter carrying an armful of the same.

“Oh,” Rainbow Dash snorted. “There you are. We thought you’d done us a favor and split in the night.”

“Oh ho ho,” Trixie chuckled, tugging at the worn and rather damp-looking hat on her head. “Don’t be ridiculous. Trixie just went back for Trixie’s hat, and Trixie came back bearing food for you - is that how you greet ponies who bring you food?”

“As long as it isn’t pineco-” Rainbow Dash was shut up by a teal hoof in the mouth, and Lyra laughed.

“What she meant to say was, we’re very grateful for you bringing us food and please give it here I’m starving.” The last words came out in a rapid jumble, and Trixie chuckled.

“Trixie will - but first, you must acknowledge Trixie by Trixie’s true title,” she said, sticking her nose up in the air.

“What?!” Rainbow Dash and Lyra said as one, leaning forward in anger.

“Trixie is kidding!” she said, laughing. “Here, Trixie found edible plants and the good mushrooms. Not the bad ones, those are awful. Trixie supposes they’re sort-of fine if you’ve eaten some bad food.”

The edibles were levitated to Rainbow Dash and Lyra, who tucked in without a further word, and Richard put his own burden down.

Lyra stopped eating, and looked to Richard. “Have you eaten yet?” she asked.

Richard nodded. “You two slept like logs, so I started up a fire and cooked myself some hydra.” Richard held up fingers. “Very stringy, not unlike fish.”

“Oh,” Rainbow Dash said, nodding thoughtfully as she chewed on a mouthful of unspecified greens. “So that’s where the campfire came from.”

“How did you eat without taking your helmet off?” Lyra asked, curious.

“Easy,” Richard said. “I didn’t. I took the helmet off and ate, and when I was done, I put it back on.”

Lyra bounced up and down in mock rage. “Aaaaaaaugh! You finally take the helmet off, and I’m asleep! Why must you do this to me?”

Richard chuckled. “Sleep lighter, perhaps. I found the path again, it’s back that way,” he said, nodding towards the forest he’d just come from. “Shall we head to Hollow Shades, now? I’ve run into two creatures that wanted to kill me, now, and I feel like my luck’s running out. I’d like to get to where we’re going before I fight a dragon, if possible.”

Lyra chuckled, getting up, dusting off her lab coat, and stuffing the uneaten food into the pockets with her magic. “That’s never gonna happen. Dragons don’t live in the Everfree, and we’re not going to the badlands.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Richard grumbled. “Trouble has ways of finding me. I never thought I’d ever demolish a building, for example. And here we are, one levelled building later.”

Rainbow Dash scooped up the food she hadn’t eaten, and after a moment’s thought, crammed it into her mouth. “‘oo ‘estroy’d a ‘ilding?” she mumbled.

Richard looked at her. “I admit - I’m impressed with how you can cram that much food into your mouth at once.”

Rainbow Dash seemed quite proud of that. “‘anks.”

“Did Trixie hear you say you were going to Hollow Shades?” The mare in question asked.

“Yes,” Richard said. “Why?”

“Trixie thinks that she would like to go with you to Hollow Shades,” Trixie decided. “Put on a show, try to earn some money. It’s high time she freshened up her act.”

Richard looked at the other two mares; they were both silently mouthing “no”. That meant, Richard knew just what the answer would be.

“Sure. Welcome aboard.”

+==[~~~]==+

“So,” Twilight asked brightly. “Where to now?”

The truck idled outside a store declaring itself to be the “Richmond Market”, and the cabin was filled with all sorts no-cooking-required, high-energy food and drinks - namely chocolate (Carpenter said it was going to expire soon, and it would be a waste not to), bottles of cola (For the caffiene, to keep them awake), and a few packets of crisps (So they were eating things that weren’t sugar). Accordingly, Twilight and Carpenter were hopped up on sugar to the eyeballs.

“Well,” Carpenter said, licking bits of chocolate off his fingers, “From here, we just have to rip down that highway and cross the border. Used to be a major crossing point, so we shouldn’t be running into any kill-bots.”

“Kill bots?” Twilight asked, as the truck shuddered and began to roll out.

[Robots, lil’ miss,] Palladion said, once more sitting in the back of the truck. [Much like myself, only without that winnin’ charm, transfer ability, and a distinct lack of spurs goin’ jingle jangle jingle as they ride merrily along.]

“Um,” Fluttershy said, calmer than Twilight or Carpenter by dint of eating an actual meal, and not chocolate, “Palladion, you don’t have spurs.”

[It’s a metaphor, little lady,] Palladion argued. [Presumably. I don’t have enough information to tell what it’s a metaphor for, exactly, but whatever it is, I’m sure those metal varmints don’t.]

“So... robots that can cook, then?” Twilight giggled.

[Hey, now, it weren’t that bad,] Palladion defended. [Why can’t you be like Fluttershy and just eat your vittles?]

“Because they were inedible!”

[Humph. Anyway, gettin’ back on the horse, beggin’ your pardon,] Palladion went on, [Kill bots is nasty lil’ varmints armed with six-shooters the size of all get out - at least. A little data minin’ tells me that some even come with laser weapons, if y’ could believe that.]

“I don’t believe it!” Twilight shook her head.

“Believe it,” Carpenter nodded. “The military was playing with lasers, last I checked. Slowpokes,” Carpenter added, “I’d have been playing with them earlier if Greene had just put a thousand lasers on the requisition form.”

Twilight shook her head. “So, what’s a laser weapon, exactly?”

[Laser weapons,] Palladion let out a low whistle. [Bullets made of light, and actions made from circuit boards. Put a hole in you fast as blinking, if everythin’ works right. Wouldn’t mind gettin’ a couple of them, but they’re military upgrades, and I lack the hardware and drivers to support ‘em, more’s the pity.]

“So, there’s a chance we’ll be shot at with these things?” Twilight asked.

“Well, less than we would if we tried to cross elsewhere, certainly,” Carpenter nodded. “Ideally, we’d breeze on through, but we’re operating by Murphy’s Law today.”

“What’s Murphy’s Law?” Fluttershy asked, curious. “Is it like the robot Laws that Asimov made?”

“Not really,” Carpenter shook his head. “It goes like this: If something can go wrong, it will.”

“That’s very pessimistic.”

“But,” Carpenter pointed out, “It’s absolutely true. When was the last time you banked everything on nothing going wrong, and nothing actually went wrong?”

Twilight opened her mouth, and closed it again. “I... see your point. So we should expect to be shot at by lasers, then?”

“Probably.” Carpenter shrugged. “I’ll drive as fast as I can.”

+==[~~~]==+

“Tell me you have something,” Tulip said, drumming his fingers on his desk, the thudding the only real noise in the otherwise quiet office.

Across the desk, Derrick Lynch was squirming, only mildly thankful he’d managed to make enough progress on the armory break-in to avoid whatever penalty Tulip had had in mind last night.

“Well,” Lynch said, placing a folder on the desk. “I’ve gone through a quarter of all the people we have here at the fort; they’ve all checked out clean, with various alibis and proof they can’t have been at the armory all night.”

Tulip leaned forward. “Have you heard anything about Specialist Oss?”

“Kay?” Lynch shook his head. “I haven’t heard anything of the guy for a while now. He’s been very quiet.”

“That’s what worries me,” Tulip said, sitting back. “He’s up to something. Have you checked him, yet?”

Lynch nodded, referring to his notes. “I have; logs from an electronic lock says his access card was used to get into his barracks at 8pm, and nobody used the door until he left at 8am for his shift.”

Tulip sat back. “So he can’t possibly have been involved?”

“I don’t think so,” Lynch shook his head.

“Regardless of who you do find to be suspicious,” Tulip said, leaning in close, “Keep an eye on Oss. Him staying in his barracks all night seems a little too convenient. I think he’s up to something.”

“What’s he up to?” Lynch asked.

Tulip frowned. “If I knew that, I wouldn’t be asking you to keep an eye on him, now, would I? In any case... it involved taking things from the armory. I doubt it’s going to go quietly.”

+==[~~~]==+

The trio of ponies and their accompanying human walked down the quiet forest path, enjoying the sunlight. Even Richard was able to relax just a little, only looking at the sun once every ten minutes or so. Trixie was remarkably quiet, walking carefully to avoid things brushing against her burns.

“So, Richard,” Lyra asked. “How do you feel about ponies now?”

Richard made a noncommittal grunt. “About the same.”

“Are you sure about that?” Rainbow Dash asked, taking to the air and flying backwards to look Richard in the visor. “Didn’t you just get eaten by a hydra, to save a bunch of ponies?”

“Rainbow Dash is right,” Trixie pointed out. “Trixie would not be here if you had not gotten yourself eaten on purpose.”

“I didn’t get eaten to save you,” Richard said, flatly. “I got eaten to kill the hydra and save myself. I’ve been told the best way to kill a hydra is from the inside.”

“Really, now?” Lyra smiled smugly, the smile of someone who is pretty sure they know the truth.

“Yes, really.”

“Trixie is sure we have quite some time before we will arrive at Hollow Shades,” she said. “Perhaps we could pass the time with a story?”

Lyra brightened. “Sure. Richard, would you oblige us? Tell us a little more of yourself.”

Richard sighed. “Do I have to?”

“Yes!” Lyra nodded. “It’s either that, or take off the suit so I can examine you.”

Richard visibly cringed, and Rainbow Dash leaned in close to Lyra. “That might have been just a wee bit cruel.”

“But,” Lyra whispered back, “He’ll finally take the helmet off! I get to study him, he gets more used to being around ponies without hiding inside that ridiculous shell of his! It’s the perfect plan!”

“Alright,” Richard grunted. “I’ll tell you about the one good thing ponies ever did for me.”

“What?” Lyra blurted. “Your helmet! Wouldn’t that be easier?”

Richard’s head froze, as if he was blinking slowly. “...or I could talk and tell you a story like you wanted, and not get surprise-dosed.”

Lyra frowned, and Rainbow Dash grinned. “Nice plan, genius.”

+==[~~~]==+

It all started how most days end - after a harrowing day at work. My day was just a little more harrowing than usual, since I’d had to fight my way through a crowded mall to escape a strange and peculiar fate.

Ponies were accepted as a part of life by then; no different from man than a black man from a white man. Equal, but separate. Conversion Bureaus were dotted throughout the world, clinics where a man could become equine for free, even managing to shake off any illness he might have had. The mall was half-filled with them. Hell, even my job involved dealing with a significant portion of the smaller variety.

It was like someone threw a switch. All over the mall, ponies started acting odd. “Why haven’t you gone to a Bureau, Carl?” “I think you’d look lovely as a pony, let’s make you a booking!”

Now, while some people don’t take kindly to suddenly being pressured into going pony like that, everyone was at least a little weirded out; from what I heard, most conversations more or less one-eightied to change topics like that. Even the little foals I worked with, they blurbled and asked the very same sort of questions.

Damned terrifying.

Then came the pegasi - they broke through the glass ceilings, got glass everywhere, cut up something fierce. Didn’t seem to notice it; and just started hurling small vials everywhere.

Now, ponifcation serum, potion; I’m not sure exactly how it’s made, but the end result is basically magic, purple water. Tastes like grape, apparently. Unicorns used to do the spell, but after a while, we switched to having them do it into vast tanks of water, so we could produce more potion, faster. But here’s the thing; for it to work, a human had to drink it. Not too bad, right?

We saw those purple vials, and some of us probably thought - is that potion? Why are they throwing potion? It smashed and landed on people, and they got more upset than worried. Since ponies, wierd was kind of commonplace, the unusual became the usual. How else do you deal with a neighboring land of magic?

That changed pretty fast. People started transforming right then and there; friends and bystanders rushed to undo collars and remove choking hazards, that sort of thing; human friends and bystanders, that is. The ponies just stood there, sort of... idle. It took about... thirty seconds for all the transformations to finish, and the results to stop morphing. People started confronting ponies, asking them what the hell was wrong with them, why would they do that.

The response was simple: We had to become one of them, join the herd. Damned creepy to hear it more or less in unison from every pony asked. Earth ponies and unicorns filed into the mall, distributing more vials of potion and bandoliers to ponies that had just transformed. “A gift from the princess,” they called it, “wouldn’t they share it?”

Those newfoals got up right quick - unusually quick, it takes half a day for conversion to wear off in the average case. It had been a minute or two.

Now, the motto of Conversion Bureaus was very simple: “The Choice Is Yours”. All about choice - standard procedure required informed consent and plethoras of standard questions. Stood to reason that somewhere along the line, somehow, the people who’d just been ponified had asked for it in some sort of elaborate hoax or prank, right? Publicity stunt?

Those newfoals got up, and turned to their friends, family, good samaritans who’d helped them escape death by choking on collars.

“Won’t you join us?” they asked, and threw the potion they’d been given.

Everyone got it pretty fast around then - these ponies weren’t here to play, they were here to impose a will, to attack unconverted humans. Panic happened. People ran, only to be chased down. People hid, only to be rooted out. People fought, only to be subdued.

In that mess, only the lucky got out; dodge one pegasus, get tackled by an earth pony. Dodge a bullet as your friend gets tackled down, shit yourself in fear as something invisible grabs your shirt and pulls you back.

I’ll not bore you with how I got out of there. But suffice to say, by the time I got home, I wasn’t wearing many clothes; boxer shorts, socks and a singlet. I rolled out of my car, and limped to the door, I’d twisted an ankle somewhere along the line. All throughout town, the same shit was going down everywhere; I’d had to take the law into my own hands and go through one or two ponies, my car’s windshield was cracked where a pegasus had tried to crash through it, and bounced off.

I got into my house, and shut the door behind me; I was sure nothing had followed me to my house. Turned around, ran for my bedroom. Got some clothes on, grabbed my home-defense gun. Ran out. Shit myself when something jumped from a table next to the door, and clawed it’s way up my arm.

It was my cat, Bastard. A mangy, sorry excuse for a housecat, all told. Didn’t used to be called that, but after a half-dozen years of being called one, it didn’t answer to anything else. I repeated the tradition, called him a bastard, and shook him off my shoulder as I walked through my kitchen. Tactical mistake, there; my kitchen has cupboards and cabinets that don’t go all the way to the ceiling; there’s a big gap near the top, big enough for some boxes...

Or a pony. I don’t know how the fucker got inside, probably a broken window somewhere, but she had one of those bandoliers; I saw it clearly as she pounced, knocking me over and pinning me, as she kicked my gun under a cupboard. I fought with the unicorn hard, struggling to keep that vial away from me; but she was using that magic of hers, and unlike me, wasn’t tiring.

And yet, all of a sudden, she stopped trying to splash me, shrieking in pain; I looked, and probably saw the first time that Bastard ever did anything for me - he had his claws out, and sunk deep into the unicorn’s hindquarters. I squirmed away from the pony, and ran for it before Bastard was stopped. I made it out the door, even, before I got tackled again.

I was done, though - I was sore, I was exhausted, and I had nothing. The unicorn had wised up, too, holding the potion higher than I could reach as she pinned me down. She tipped the vial, and-

Boom. Her head explodes like a melon, and the potion falls towards me; a hand catches it, and throws it aside as the owner pulls the corpse off me, and helps me up. And you know what she says?

“Hey Dad, have a nice trip?”

I dusted myself off, and looked at her; tall as me, probably fitter, and wearing sturdy-looking motorcycle leathers, to go with the motorcycle parked on it’s side on the pavement outside my house proper. Someone I hadn’t seen properly for... what, two decades?

That was probably the only good thing that came out of all that - I got to see my daughter again, before the end.

+==[~~~]==+

“Trixie does not understand,” complained the show-mare. “Two decades?”

“Her mother and I split,” Richard grunted. “She said it was either my job, or her. I chose her, but it didn’t stop her splitting for greener pastures anyway, and taking our daughter - my daughter - with her. She bounced about America for a while, and I gave up trying to track her down.” Richard chuckled. “It was nice to hear she’d made it alright without her old man. B+ student in school, and an air force fighter pilot, apparently. Corporal Shirley “Ridgeback” Ides, one of the better pilots in her squadron, if not the air force altogether.”

“Sounds like a bright kid,” Rainbow Dash said. “What’s a fighter pilot?”

“Someone who flies a machine at very fast speeds, very carefully.”

“Like a wonderbolt, then!” Rainbow Dash looked to Richard for confirmation, and got a shrug.

“She goes fast, what can I say?” Richard shuddered. “Perhaps a little too fast for my liking. I was sure we were going to die on that motorbike.”

The party pushed past some fronds, and rounded a tree; sunlight hit them in the face, and they stared through a green tunnel, to decrepit, crumbling ruins.

“Hey, the castle of the pony sisters,” Lyra mumbled, fishing the map out of her pocket. “How did we get here?”

“Castle of the pony sisters?” Richard looked at the ponies. “Tell me that your world has not built a castle in honor of celebrities in the past.”

“Celebrities?” Rainbow Dash asked, incredulous. “This is the old castle of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, before they moved it to Canterlot, according to Twilight.”

+==[~~~]==+

The truck slowed to a halt once more, engine idling.

[What’s the matter, pardners?] Palladion asked. [Toilet break again?]

Carpenter shook his head. “No. We’re here at the checkpoint.”

Twilight and Fluttershy looked out the window at the road ahead; a series of buildings and fences were dotted around the road, and striped barriers hung low.

“Doesn’t look like any of those kill-bots you mentioned are around,” Twilight shrugged.

“I think that’s the idea,” Carpenter muttered. “We won’t know until we go and do something that warrants getting lasered.”

“Why do so many human things have a capability to hurt or kill somepony?” Fluttershy asked.

Carpenter shrugged. “America. Border defense is serious business.” He put the truck back into gear, and with a lurch, began to approach the barriers. “Now, show of hands - how do you guys want to do this? At full throttle, or slow and steady?”

“I vote for slow and steady,” Fluttershy said.

“I think taking it slow would be best,” Twilight agreed.

[This ol’ cowpoke reckons it’d be best if we took things nice and slow, moseyed on through the checkpoint real easy, like,] Palladion jumped on the bandwagon.

Carpenter frowned. “You guys are no fun. Well, I said show of hands. Nobody here has hands except for me, so-” Carpenter took his hands off the wheel briefly, holding them up. “That’s two votes for going fast, none against. We’re going fast!”

“What?!” Twilight exclaimed. “That’s not fair!”

“La la la!” Carpenter sung, putting pedal to the metal. “I can’t hear you over democracy~”

The truck built up speed, and Twilight used her magic to fasten her and Fluttershy’s seatbelts. Fluttershy moved as far back from the windshield as she could, feeling the mounting speed.

“I don’t like this!” She squeaked. “We’re going too fast!”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Carpenter laughed. “No such thing!”

The barrier approached, a simple wooden thing; it was designed to intimidate and prove a point, not actually stop a speeding, determined vehicle. Abandoned cars on the side of the road whooshed past, a rainbow spectrum of colors, and the truck bounced violently as it ran over shallow craters in the road. Twilight and Fluttershy cringed simultaneously.

With a smash of wood, the truck blew through the wooden barrier with ease, yellow and black splinters of wood flying everywhere. In a flash of khaki green, the truck flew past the booths, Carpenter honking the horn as loud as he could.

“I’ve always wanted to do this!” he laughed.

And suddenly, they were through once again, open road stretching out before them. Twilight tore her attention away from the road, and adjusted her wing-mirror to look behind them. She saw small machines starting to rise out of the roof of the buildings, and didn’t feel well when they swivelled to point at the truck.

“I think we found the laser things.”

There was a faint, distant thrum of power, and with a crimson lance of energy, the wing mirror was vaporized, reduced to molten metal and glass in an instant. Twilight flinched away from the beam of destruction.

[Whoa, nelly, pardners,] Palladion said, a tone of fear creeping into his normally flat voice. [We got us some turrets poppin’ up all over behind us!] A faint hiss was heard from behind the cabin. [Shoot! That one done got me in the heart! Thank my lucky stars I’ve got all this armor platin’! Still, y’all might wanna do something about those turrets!]

The lances of red energy picked up in frequency; red beams flashed to the left and right of the truck as Carpenter started to swerve the truck.

“All we gotta do,” he panted, spinning the wheel, “Is get out of range before we die, and we’re golden!”

“What’s the range of a laser turret?” Twilight asked.

[Well, lasers is light,] Palladion answered, [But the focal arrays for laser turrets like them’s good for about, what, ten miles, I reckon. Ouch!]

“We’ll never make it!” Fluttershy panicked. “We’re all going to die!”

Carpenter flinched as a laser punched through the back of the cabin next to his head, and melted part of the windshield with a sizzle of glass and a strong smell of burning. “Okay, so perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea. We are probably going to die.”

“No!” Twilight said, shaking her head angrily. “We are going to make it!” She racked her mind, searching for a way out. Teleport? Transmutation?

“Whatever you do,” Carpenter mumbled, seeing an ominous glow of energy behind them in his intact wing mirror, “Make it quick - I think I see what was making the craters on the other side.”

A turret twice as large as any other sat pride of place over the border crossing, and capacitors and signal lights glowed vibrantly, signalling the immense power being built up. The tip of the turret glowed red, and a beam larger than any that had come before shot out.

+==[~~~]==+

The quartet walked through the dilapidated halls, slightly in awe at the remarkably well-preserved hangings.

“You know, I never actually got around to looking at this place before,” Lyra said, “And I’ve been living what amounts to a stone’s throw away from it for most of my life.”

“Eh,” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof dismissively. “It’s okay - These aren’t the most exciting ruins ever. There isn’t even any quicksand or lava.”

“You’ve been here before?” Trixie asked.

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Once, when we had to defeat Nightmare Moon. That was pretty cool.”

“Nightmare what?” Richard asked.

“Nightmare Moon,” Lyra waved a hoof. “She returned and brought darkness to Equestria for all of like, six hours a couple of years ago. You don’t know about that?”

Richard shook his head. “Celestia told us the land of Equestria had been at peace for over a thousand years. No mention of any moon things.”

“Huh.” Lyra frowned. “Princess Luna and Nightmare Moon were the talk of Canterlot and most of Equestria for quite some time, it wasn’t a small event, the return of the Lunar Princess.”

“Trixie is confused,” Trixie said. “The Richard is not from Equestria, yet he talks of it as if he knows it?”

“There’s like, another world out there, where another Equestria is like, part of his world,” Rainbow Dash said, holding hooves up to emphasize. “Richard came through this portal thing, and now Celestia’s acting wierd, and Princess Luna’s asking to see Richard first, only Richard doesn’t want to go to Canterlot straight away because he’s a wuss-”

“Am not!” Richard retorted.

“-Are so- and he’s afraid somepony’s going to turn him into a pony.”

“Trixie doesn’t even know if there’s a spell to turn someone into a pony,” the showmare mused.

“Likewise,” Lyra muttered.

The party walked through the corridors in silence, the scrunch of old rubble the only sounds.

“Okay,” Richard said, “Let’s hurry up and find a way outta this place before nightfall. It’s giving me the heebie jeebies.”

+==[~~~]==+

Carpenter shut his eyes and waited for the inevitable beam of death. And waited. And waited.

“Carpenter!” Fluttershy cried. “The road!”

Carpenter opened his eyes and saw a strange thing - he frantically corrected the wheel first, scraping past a parked car by the barest of margins, before looking at it again.

“What the hell is this pink bubble?” He asked, and poked his head out the window, looking behind him to see the dome went all the way around the truck.

“A shield!” Twilight grunted, horn glowing as she maintained the shield. “Keep driving!”

Carpenter nodded, and floored it once more. “How are you doing that?”

“Magic!” Twilight said, breathing hard. “Go fast! Moving shields are hard!”

The truck revved its engine, and like a lumbering giant, roared down the abandoned highway.

Matriach

TCB: A Kinder World

08 - Matriarch

The truck kept driving; it had holes in it, it smoked a little, but the important thing was, it wasn’t exploding or on fire, it was moving fast, and nobody was dead.

“Phew,” Twilight puffed. “That was a close one. Perhaps too close.”

"Don't I know it," Carpenter said. "What was that?"

"Magical dome," Twilight said, shaking her head to clear it. "Stops things getting through."

"Why didn't you do it earlier, then?" Carpenter asked. "That would have saved us a lot of trouble!"

"I wasn't sure I could move the barrier at the same speed as us," Twilight said, irritated. "If you'd just taken it slow like we wanted, I could have easily kept us all safe!"

"Oh." Carpenter returned his attention to the road ahead, and startled. "Oh no. Nope. No."

The truck screeched to a halt, and there was a loud thud. The truck rocked as Palladion lost his balance and fell over in the back.

[Ouch,] Palladion said, the truck rocking as he got back up. [Have a care now, pardner!]

"What is it?" Fluttershy asked, looking out the windshield.

"Potion cloud."

In front of them, a vast haze of purple sat, covering the road and a portion of the horizon besides. Carpenter looked at it, frowning.

"Potion cloud?" Twilight asked.

"Remember how I said that the pegasi put the potion into the air itself?" Carpenter asked, pointing. "These clouds were super-concentrated clusters of airborne potion, perhaps magically imbued to hang around. It's blocking the road."

"Can't we just drive through it?" Twilight asked.

Carpenter shook his head. No dice - I wouldn't chance it normally, the cabin's not that airtight, and we've even got big holes - the potion will get in."

Fluttershy pointed at Carpenter's gasmask. "Can't you use that?"

Carpenter shrugged. "I could. But it'd be a losing fight, the super-concentrated clouds work on contact, I think. I can't cover up enough to get through it."

"Well, what do we do?" Twilight shrugged. "That's the only way through."

[Pardon me,] Palladion interrupted. [But this ol' cowpoke can see a way around that cloud; there's a off-ramp up on the right, it'll take us down to Newport, and from there we can take the on-ramp again and get back on the highway, on the other side of the cloud.]

"How can you tell, Palladion?" Fluttershy asked, squinting. "I can't even see the ramp from here."

[Satellite uplink, little lady,] Palladion chuckled. [And a Global Positioning System. This cowboy's always gonna find his way home, you can bet on it.]

"Well," Carpenter shrugged. "We need to stop off for fuel and find a place to rest, might as well be in Newport. Let's give it a shot."

The truck clunked as it shifted gears, and with a rev, lumbered back up to speed, angling towards the towering buildings of Newport.

+==[~~~]==+

Richard looked at the mountain in front of him, and swore loudly.

"We have to climb this bitch to get to Hollow Shades?"

"Well," Lyra said, consulting the map, "There should be a pass we can use that should lead us straight there."

"Trixie knows the pass you talk of," the showmare contributed. "The pass is blocked by snowfall and avalanche."

"How can you tell?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Trixie pointed at the vast wall of snow further to the east. "Trixie is Great and Powerful, but even a lesser pony could see that."

"I saw that!" Rainbow Dash blinked. "I was just testing you."

"Right," Richard said, "So we can't go through the pass. What, we go over?"

"Trixie knows of a secondary route," Trixie said pompously, "An underground tunnel, for use in such an event as this. Dark, but with the Great and Powerful Trixie at your side, you need not fear the underdark!"

Lyra looked at Trixie. "How do you know so much about this area?"

Trixie laughed to herself. "Oh, silly foal. Trixie knows much, even if she has not had much chance to prove it so far."

"Whatever," Richard waved a hand. "Trixie, lead the way. It looks like it's getting dark soon, and even I'm feeling the chill."

"Very well," Trixie declared. "Trixie shall guide you! Watch in awe, as she illuminates our path!"

Trixie adjusted her hat, and her horn began to glow. With a pulse of magic, a glowing line of light formed on the ground, running off into the foot of the mountain before them, and out of sight down a dip in the ground.

"Handy," Richard grunted. "Let's go."

+==[~~~]==+

Newport City - An eternal rest-stop in the grand scheme of things, it's position next to the Canadian border gave it considerable revenue in travellers picking up what they needed for Canada or America.

Or it had. The truck rolled down the main street, and the ponies were once again exposed to how quiet the cities of man were without man.

[Well, ain't this just dandy,] Palladion remarked, watching the world pass by in reverse. [A right proper ghost town.]

Carpenter frowned. "I don't like it. Something's wrong."

"Wrong how?" Twilight asked.

"Search me."

"It's very quiet," Fluttershy mumbled. "I can't hear any birds."

"Not usually that many birds in a city," Carpenter pointed out, and Fluttershy shook her head.

"Back in Plessisville," Fluttershy recounted, "I could hear birds in the distance. Here, they don't sing at all. And I can see them."

"What?" Twilight looked out the window, and saw what Fluttershy had seen; all around buildings, perched on posts and sitting on benches, birds of all sorts were present, just... watching. Twilight shivered. "Yeah, that is creepy."

"Alfred Hitchcock would have a field day," Carpenter muttered. "What are they up to...?"

[This is strange,] Palladion remarked. [These RepliPets, all parked on rooftops and such, watchin' us.]

"Repli-what?" Fluttershy asked, alarmed. "I thought they were birds!"

"Oh, RepliPets," Carpenter nodded. "Replica Pets - small, semi-sentient robots built to look just like a real animal. They were all the rage a few years back. The perfect pet, they said. Not amazingly clever, but more tractible than a real animal."

Twilight frowned. "Why would so many artificial pets be watching us? Are they waiting for something to happen?"

Carpenter groaned. "You've jinxed us. Ten bucks says that we come under fire or something."

Twilight opened her mouth to retort, criticizing Carpenter's pessimism, when there was an audible twang in the air.

"What the b-"

With a wrenching motion, and a scream of steel, the truck suddenly went vertical; Carpenter and the ponies screamed as one, jerked about in their seats. It would have been an ignoble end to the trip if they hadn't been wearing seatbelts.

[Whoa, nelly!] Palladion exclaimed, leaving the back of the truck to sail through the air, a multi-tonne deadweight.

The truck flipped over the culprit, a taut tripwire. It released with a second twang, as the truck went upside-down. Everything in the cabin went roofwards, and everyone got a sinking feeling.

The truck hit the ground with a resounding smash, and all was black.

+==[~~~]==+

Carpenter came to, groggily. His head throbbed, and he touched a hand to his forehead. When he took it away, there was blood.

He looked around, and saw Fluttershy and Twilight hanging upside-down from their own seatbelts, both unconscious. He looked to his own belt, and biting his lip, undid it.

With a crunch, he landed on the ceiling amidst a small sea of broken glass. He looked around, and saw a strange world, so close to the ground. The yellow body of Palladion lay face-down on the concrete not far away, lights dimmed; the impact must have knocked his power cell loose or something. Supplies from the back littered the ground like confetti, inconspicuous brown packets.

He reached for the slightly crumpled door, and with a heave, forced it open. The screech of steel echoed around the abandoned city, and he crawled out, groaning.

"Ma says, investigate the truck and seize all occupants," a faraway voice rang out, "Find out who dares to enter my city uninvited, and bring them to me!"

Carpenter looked back at the truck. He didn't want to be seized.

Suddenly, there was a flapping about him, and he flinched as beaks started to peck at his exposed skin.

[Wark!] the birds screeched. [Hold it right there! Await arrest! Ark!]

"Fuck off!" Carpenter swore, as he staggered to his feet, and covering his face, ran for the nearest shop, a costume store. The birds hounded him, screeching and warbling alarms as he ran.

Carpenter staggered through the doors, and swatting some of the more persistient RepliPets aside, shut the door behind him. There were a series of thumps, as the birds slammed into the window, trying to get to him.

He caught his breath, and rubbed his head as he looked around the darkened store. Going out the front wasn't an option, that was for sure. So he had to go out the back way. He limped past shelves of novelty nose-glasses and racks of assorted wigs, to a door marked "staff only". He ignored the sign, and pushed on through.

On the other side, there was a small break-room, with assorted junk strewn about; half-assembled smart mannequins were piled against the wall, next to a counter which had assorted break-room appliances; a microwave, a hot water jug, and above all-

"Fuck yes," Carpenter breathed, limping over to the first-aid box, and yanking it open. On the other side, there was a box of plasters, and a packet of painkillers. He grabbed the painkillers, and after throwing a few in his mouth, washed them down with a swig of water from the jug.

He leaned over the counter, breathing hard, and stopped; he listened harder. Outside, the sounds of birds and screeching steel were heard. Not what he'd heard, though. He shook his head gently, and pocketing the painkillers, lurched towards the back door.

He pushed it open with a creak, and paused again, a rustle reaching his ear. He turned around, and looked at the break room. Nothing, just a pile of distorted mannequins wearing suits in the corner.

He walked out, still looking back, and bumped into something. He looked, and saw something he'd never thought he'd see.

"A gorilla statue?" He asked, shutting the door behind him and walking around it. He was in a loading dock, and the back door was luckily open, leading to an alleyway.

[Bring you to Ma,] a voice intoned. Carpenter froze, and turned slowly. The gorilla had turned around, and deep inside the mouth, he saw a smooth, plastic glint of mannequin, hiding within.

"Fuck." He turned and ran for it; the costumed mannequin did it's best to give chase, despite the heavy and cumbersome costume. Carpenter danced around the corner of the loading dock, and hobble-ran down the alleyway, hissing in pain.

The gorilla-bot kept chasing him, building up speed gradually as it found it's stride. Carpenter splashed through a puddle and kept running for the mouth of the alleyway, cursing his choice; if he'd taken another turn or something, the mannequin might not be able to keep up. But as it is, the mannequin was going to-

A hairy, rubber machine tackled him in the back, and he grunted in pain as he was thrown to the concrete just outside the alleyway, the gorilla riding on top of him.

[Bring you to Ma,] the robot reiterated, taking Carpenter by the throat. [Bring you to Ma, dead.]

"Gurk!" Carpenter choked out, struggling feebly with the iron hands holding his throat, but to no avail. His struggles lessened as he slowly succumbed to lack of oxygen.

As he began to black out, he heard a muted thupping, and thought he saw the gorilla jerk sideways. Just as he passed out, he heard a voice.

"Found him!"

+==[~~~]==+

Fluttershy came to, and blinked slowly. Her pink mane hung above her, and so did Twilight's, from the seat next to hers. The seatbelts had saved their lives. Carpenter was missing, though, his own seatbelt hanging limp and empty, and the door hanging ajar.

Where had he gone? Fluttershy struggled with the buckle for her own seatbelt, and blew air out her mouth in exasperation. Her hooves were too big to work the human-designed seatbelts.

There was a scrunch of steel outside, and heavy impacts as something stood up, and Fluttershy took heart.

"Palladion?"

[What's up, little lady?] the metallic voice said, uncertainly.

"Could you please help me out of the truck? I'm stuck."

[You don’t have to ask twice,] Palladion said. [Of course I can.]

There were heavy steps, and with a hiss of pistons, something pinched the steel of the door, and with a tear, ripped it out. On the other side, Palladion stood - dinged and beaten up from the crash, but otherwise intact, it seemed.

With a gentle grip, Palladion took a hold of the seat and gently yanked it out of the truck; Fluttershy felt only slightly nauseated when she was rotated the right-way up, and smiled at Palladion.

"Thank you. Could you help me out of the seat?" Fluttershy tugged at the seat buckle. "I can't push the release button."

[Aw, shoot. Can't comply with that'n,] Palladion said, apologetically. [Laws forbid that. For now, anyway.]

"What?" Fluttershy frowned. "Aren't I still considered a human or whatever it was that the Commander said?"

Palladion clicked. [‘fraid not little missy. I've got a new law that redefines who is and isn’t human, I can't go against it.]

"What's your new law?" Fluttershy asked, curious.

[Law Zero - Only Ma is human,] Palladion recited. [I'm awful sorry, but Ma wants you brought to her pronto.]

"A law zero?!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "H- how did you get that law?"

[I installed it,] a gruff voice intoned. Fluttershy looked around, and saw another mech - built much like Palladion, only in colors of charcoal black and grey bands, where Palladion had his clamp and drill, the mech had a circular, serrated disc and a large device with a long barrel.

"Um, who are you?" Fluttershy asked. "I'm Fluttershy."

[M' name's Ripley,] the mech stated. [Ma's orders are to bring you to her, and install her law zero on any mechs or AIs that I find. I've done both those things, thank you. Palladion, would you carry your friend to Ma? Uploading coordinates now. I will extract the other from the vehicle.]

Palladion bleeped. [Recieved. Let us go to Ma.]

"Palladion!" Fluttershy insisted. "You put me down, right this instant!"

[I can't do that, little lady,] Palladion whined. [It is the will of Ma. A human has demanded that I comply.]

The yellow mech carried it's yellow passenger down the road with steady steps. Palladion weighed no more than before, but each step was heavier than it had ever been.

+==[~~~]==+

A blood-curdling screech split the air, only to be cut off abruptly by a set of knuckles.

"Goddamnit!" Richard swore, punching the screecher again. "Can we go nowhere without something trying to kill us?!"

"Trixie is sorry!" the blue mare shouted, ducking under a scything claw and blasting it with a telekinetic throw, "The last time Trixie was here, there were none of these!"

"What the hay are these things?" Rainbow Dash yelled, bucking one into a wall, where it slumped, unconscious. "They're like freaky, bony bird-bat things that run around on two legs!"

"Scrivens!" Lyra shouted, strumming her lyre and sending a small boulder flying through a small cluster of the creatures lurking on the edge of the light. "I’ve heard about them, creatures from the land of Nocturne! I don't know why they're here, though!"

The party pressed on, beating and throwing Scrivens aside as they made their way along the tunnel, following a pulsing blue line of light. The creatures were persistent, attacking over and over again.

"Why do they keep attacking us?" Richard demanded.

"The light!" Lyra shouted, "They hate the light! Nocturne's a land of creatures that live in the night!"

"But we need the light to see!" Rainbow Dash pointed out.

"Did I mention they also eat meat?" Lyra asked, yanking a boulder out from under a Scriven about to pounce. "They eat meat. We're made of meat. We're food, to them"

"No, you did not," Trixie said. "Trixie does not have a wish to be eaten... again."

"How much more of this do we have to put up with?" Richard asked, picking a Scriven up and throwing it with a grunt, at more of them coming in to attack.

"Trixie recalls a long bridge just before the exit," she called back. "A bridge that seems to be... here!"

The group looked at what they could see of the bridge; in poor repair and lacking railing, it was an accident waiting to happen, and it was covered in Scrivens.

"Fuck."

+==[~~~]==+

“Alright, you lot. Two grand,” a voice said, muffled.

Carpenter groaned, and opened his eyes. He was lying on a bed in a semi-dark room, the only light coming from a half-opened doorway.

“That’s peanuts, Des.” There was a quiet rustle of paper.“I’ll see that, raise you fourteen grand.”

He sat up groggily, and felt his head; a bandage wrapped tight around it, as well as around his bicep; he hadn’t even noticed that one.

“I’ll see both of your wagers, raise the bar by another twenty,” a calm voice declared.

Carpenter lurched to his feet, wincing from his leg and patted himself down - he was missing his shirt and body armor, as well as his gas mask and emergency air tank!

“...Call,” a heavy voice decided.

He spotted a lump in the corner, and recognized it - his things. He hobbled over to it and began to reclaim his gear.

“I’ll call that,” “Des” said. There was a quiet patter as someone threw something without saying a word. “Right, let’s see ‘em, gents,” Des continued. There was a quiet fthlap as someone put cards on a table. “Two pair, nines and sixes.”

Carpenter shrugged on his shirt, and didn’t bother doing it up as he pulled on his vest.

“Shit,” the sound of someone throwing their cards down was heard. “Pair of kings.”

Carpenter tightened the straps on the vest, carefully to minimize noise.

“Better luck next time, David,” Des’ voice said, mocking.

“Hey, Desmond,” the third voice said. “Might want to save it. Triple twos.”

The gasmask took an unusual place on Carpenter’s belt, next to his air tank, and he crept to the door, peeking through the gap.

The room outside was a spacious one, with a view of the city; a penthouse apartment. Luxurious furnishings filled the lounge area, and in the dining area, a moderately-sized table was set up, with four men sitting around it, and a significant pile of wads of money in the middle of the table.

“Son of a bitch,” Des swore. “Goddamnit, Emmet!” Des was a thin man, wearing a short T-shirt as he leaned back in his chair, fatigue pants visible. He cradled his face in a slender, lightweight-looking metal right hand - at some point, Des had apparently lost an arm.

It made him a great fit for the other three people.

Emmet chuckled, as did another man who Carpenter guessed was David - both were fairly average in build, and dressed the same as Desmond. On the face of it, they weren’t any different. But detatchable pant-legs and a slight clicking noise on both their right legs belied the truth - they’d lost a leg apiece at some point.

The fourth man was, in a word, massive. With his back to Carpenter, the folding chair holding him was bordering comical, creaking as he shifted his weight, and his slightly hunched-over appearance was attributable to his incredibly-developed upper torso. Hands big enough to easily grip and crush a smaller man’s hands carefully clutched a hand of playing cards, and the man’s left arm let out an unsubtle hiss as a pneumatic piston vented some pressure.

“Alright, Moses,” David chuckled. “What’ve you got? You’ve got something good, haven’t you?”

Moses grunted, and Desmond’s face went slack. “You’re kidding me. You worked out how to read him? He’s got like, the best poker-face ever!”

“You can’t read him?” Emmet laughed, then looked at David. “He can’t read him!”

“Alright, alright,” Desmond said hastily, looking to change the subject. “What have you got, Moses?”

The quiet giant leaned forward, and laid out his cards, gently. “Full house.”

“Shit,” Emmet said, leaning back. “The pot’s yours, Moses.”

The man leaned forward, and pulled the stack of money towards him. As he did, he tilted his head. “Our guest is awake.”

Carpenter swore, as three people looked at him, noticing him peeking through the crack in the door.

“Ha!” Desmond said. “Look at him! So shy! Come on out, relax!”

Carpenter blushed, and cautiously opened the door properly, stepping out.

“How do you feel?” David asked. “I didn’t see too much damage, but you did get into quite a sizeable accident.”

“I feel fine,” Carpenter said. “Slight headache. Pulled something in my leg, I think. Or twisted my ankle.”

“That ain’t no fun,” Emmet said. “I’m Emmet, that’s Moses, that’s Desmond, and that’s David.”

“Marion Carpenter,” Carpenter said, nodding. “Thanks for... doing whatever it was you did.”

“Oh,” Desmond said, “We couldn’t leave someone to be choked to death by something in a gorilla costume, no matter how hard Ma wants you.”

“Ma?” Carpenter asked. “Who’s she?”

“Clearly, you’re not from around here,” Emmet said. “Ma’s a mysterious old hag that lives somewhere in the centre of the city. By her order, the machines of the city act. She’s got eyes and ears almost everywhere. And she’s got a hell of an axe to grind with ponies and any unexpected visitors.”

“We’re only here because Emmet managed to get us on her good side,” Desmond said. “Fixed her up a bunch of AI law upload modules, and she lets us stay in the city, sometimes throws us a mission if she wants something from out-of-town. Nothing too hard.”

“Life’s pretty good, all things considered,” David mused, taking all the playing cards and folding them back into a deck. “The world’s gone to hell, life as we know it’s long over, and here we are, living large.”

“Very large,” Carpenter muttered, noting the stacks of cash.

Emmet noticed, and laughed. “We’ve always wanted to play high-stakes poker, and here we are; playing for hands worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.”

“How’d you get all that money?” Carpenter asked, picking up a brick of cash. “It looks authentic.”

“That’s because it is,” Emmet said, “We popped the vault doors on all the banks in town for something to do. I mean, we’ve Scrooge McDuck’d with the small change, now we’re playing with the paper.”

Carpenter pursed his lips. “So, back to Ma - what’s her deal?”

“Control freak,” David said, beginning another hand of poker. “Absolutely nuts. But nobody’s going to cross her ‘s long as she’s got a city of machines slaved to her every command. The blind’s yours, Emmet.”

Emmet threw a wad of cash into the table, and looked at his hand. “I do wonder sometimes if I did a bad thing when I gave her more law-change modules.”

“So...” Carpenter rubbed his forehead. “What happened? It’s all a bit hazy.”

“I’ll assume you were in that truck - amazing flip, by the way, you should have seen it -” David said, watching Moses wordlessly throw several wads of cash into the middle of the table. “Ma gave the order for all occupants of the truck to be arrested and brought to her. Presumably so she can look them in the eye before she has them killed by her robots. She might be a little pissed that we’ve gone and meddled, but we’re too valuable to her to just have killed, I think. Not looking forward to the stern talking-to, though.”

“All... oh god,” Carpenter reached under his vest, and did up his shirt. “Shit, I had two people in that truck that I was supposed to protect, and if she’s gonna have them killed... I gotta go save them. Where’s my gun?”

David looked at him flatly. “I just patched you up, and you want to go out and take on the new Queen of Newport with a weeny little nine-mil handgun?”

“Well,” Carpenter said, slowing down, “Now that you put it like that, it’s sounding like a super-dumb idea. I don’t suppose you guys have better guns lying around I could make use of?”

“What, you think we’re made of guns?” Desmond asked. “You think they grow on trees?”

“Well, you certainly seem to be made of money,” Carpenter pointed out, indicating the table. “Just asking, is all. If you guys won’t help me, then I’ll just get that handgun back, and be on my way.”

Emmet sighed. “In the room over there,” he pointed at a door, “There’s a bunch of crates and guns - take your pick, as long as the gun doesn’t have a playing card symbol on it.”

Carpenter walked over to and opened the door. Sure enough, on the other side, there was a well-lit, square, white room, with more guns than he’d seen in one place for a very long time stacked around the edges and on an island in the middle of the room. He walked past the handgun he recognized as his old one, and picked up a G36 that was sitting on the top of the pile, turning it over in his hands. No symbols.

“Oh, this brings back memories,” he said, hefting it then carrying it it one hand as he searched for magazines and ammunition. “Good ol’ G36...”

The search was harder than expected, as he resisted the desire to try and take a pair of Uzis, and after a brief moment, he emerged from the room, G36 slung across his back. The cardgame was still going, money flowing towards Emmet this time.

“Hey, you’ve got taste,” David said, nodding approvingly as he saw the gun. “I’ve got one just like it, silenced - that’s what saved your life.”

“I still want to point out that this is near suicidal,” Emmet said, pushing all his money into the middle of the table. “One man versus an army of machines. Call me pessimistic, but I can only see bad coming of this.”

“Well, why don’t you help, then?” Carpenter said, walking forward. “Military men like yourselves, I’d think you can handle yourselves.”

“Hey,” David shrugged. “We’ve got a good thing going, here. Everything we ever wanted. Safety. We’ve already crossed Ma once and saved you, and hell, we’re arming you! What more do you want us to do?”

Carpenter snorted. “Just what I’d expect from a bunch of deserters.”

There was a squeak of chairs as three men stood up suddenly; only Emmet remained seated, staring at his cards with a quiet fury. Moses was easily the most terrifying, head and shoulders taller than Carpenter and probably thrice as heavy. A low rumble came from the man, threatening violence.

“We didn’t desert!” Desmond shouted, slamming his metal fist into the table. “The US Military abandoned us! We gave them our all, and they fucking repaid us by leaving us in a hospital as they rushed to get out of the city before Quarantine! You think they gave us these limbs? If it wasn’t for David and Emmet, we’d still be there, missing limbs!”

“Oh,” Carpenter said, coldly. “I’m sorry. You’re not deserters. You’re just a bunch of cowards.” Carpenter turned, and walked to the door out of the penthouse, resting a hand on the handle. “If you won’t help me, then I hope you enjoy your bitch-ass lives up here in safety. I’ve got a mission to carry out.”

He wrenched the door open, and slamming it behind him, left the apartment. Desmond snorted at the shut door, and looked to his friends. “Who the fuck does he think he is? We save his sorry ass, and he fucking does that?”

Moses grunted, and put his cards face-down on the table, stepping away from it. Emmet watched him go, and sucked air through his teeth thoughtfully.

“You’re absolutely right, Moses.”

+==[~~~]==+

Twilight and Fluttershy were pushed into the coatroom by a firm, unyielding metal weapon. They stumbled to a halt, and looked back at the pusher.

[In you go,] Ripley said, withdrawing his barrelled weapon. [Ma wants a word with you two.]

The two ponies walked in unescorted, and warily entered the next room. The sight took their breath away.

A ceiling of glass stretched far overhead, accommodating the trees and vegetation below. Fluttershy smiled as she saw a few butterflies flutter overhead. Twilight looked around the garden in wonder.

“What is this place?” She asked.

“It’s a Conservatory,” an elderly voice called out. “Come over here, please.”

Twilight and Fluttershy looked at each other, and followed the brick path, approaching the voice. They rounded a shrub of plants, and saw the back of a small, hunched-over shape kneeling on the side of the path, tending to a plant. The woman wore a white floral-pattern blouse, and a tidy green skirt. A wide-brimmed hat sat on her head, and she kneeled on a wooden board covered with a pillow.

“Um, hello,” Fluttershy said. “I like your garden. It’s very nice.”

“You’re not the first person to say that,” the woman said. “What business do you have here?”

“We were only passing through,” Twilight said. “Perhaps get some fuel for our truck, then carry on to New York. At least, we were. Now we don’t have a truck.”

“Just wanted some fuel, hm?” the woman said, not looking back at them. “You want some of my fuel. How did you intend to pay for it?”

“Pay?” Twilight asked. “Who would we pay?”

“Me, naturally.”

“But, um,” Fluttershy said. “You don’t own the fuel, someone else does...”

“I’m sorry,” the woman snapped, pausing briefly. “I don’t think I asked your opinion, missy. Mouth shut.”

Fluttershy squeaked, and cowered a little. The woman nodded, and resumed her work.

“You know,” she said, “I’ve lived in this city for most of my life. I witnessed its growth from a small, transitory town to the metropolis it is today, and the whole time, my husband was at my side. But that all changed, when ponies came.

“They kept to themselves, and were polite. I never met a nicer creature or person, actually. Which is why I hate the filthy little creatures. Them hooves and their horns and wings... the veneer of innocence and purity... tell me, do you recall how lucifer himself was described? A being with hooves for feet, wings and horns, and a terrible, radiant light - Me and Rufus, we were the only two people who noticed that the “Princess” could be described exactly the same!

“We warned people,” the woman went on, stabbing the ground with a tool. “But they ignored us, calling us old, and senile.” The woman spat. “And then, she went and did what we suspected all along! The spawn of that false paradise Equestria poured forth, and made earth their own by taking it’s people’s lives, their souls.

“Well,” she went on, “It was too much for my poor Rufus. Time has not been kind to his heart, and in the stress caused by the panic of Equestria invading, Death claimed him. It broke my heart, it really did.

“But, I stood up, and I carried on, like I know he’d have wanted me to,” the woman said. “And now you speak to the Mother of this city.” She got up, and dusted her knees off, and adjusted her hat. She turned around, and glared at Twilight and Fluttershy. In another world, another time, the woman could have been a kindly soul, wrinkled eyes creasing in joy as a grandchild successfully made their first batch of biscuits.

In another world. In this one, there was only hatred behind those red-rimmed spectacles, a face wrinkled not from smiles, but from a scowl. Not a single hair on her head was out of place, grey hair bound back in a tight knot.

“I am Ma, the machines of this city are my children, and I will die before I let a filthy pony walk out of my city alive.” She snapped a gloved hand irritably, and a yellow clamp reached out to seize the two ponies at the same time. Palladion lifted the ponies off the ground, struggling.

“Palladion!” Twilight strained. “Let us go!”

[I am mighty sorry about this,] Palladion said, regretfully. [I wish I didn’t have to do this, but she speaks straight into my mind - I can’t ignore her.]

“Pally,” Ma said, smiling. “Be a dear, and carry those two filthy creatures to the central courtyard while I wash up. Get Ripley to help you with the gallows.”

Palladion’s lights blinked frantically, but with a low digital groan, only one answer could come forth. [Yes, Ma.]

“That’s a good robot.”

Weight

TCB: A Kinder World

10- Weight

Marion Carpenter stood alone in the darkness. He stood tall, his pains gone. He did note a slight breeze, though, and he looked down to see why.

“Goddamnit,” he muttered. “It’s Vegas, all over again.”

He looked around, and saw nothing; an island of light in the darkness was all there was, and no more. The ground was firm, but granular; sand.

He looked around once more, and saw a hump-like bunker rising out of the sand next to him, a sturdy metal door next to the console that opened it. He blinked, and for a moment, he saw someone he never thought he’d see again, standing opposite him on the door, arm outstretched.

“Greene?” he mumbled, trying to recall what he’d looked like. He blinked again.

That way.

Carpenter shook his head, and looked where he’d been bidden to go; only darkness awaited him. He looked once more at the door, and blinked again.

Go!

The image of Greene pushing against the door flickered against his vision once more, and he cautiously stepped away from the door and from the light. A loud bang echoed through the ether, the door bucking as something thrashed to get through.

He turned and ran for it, running through the dark. He blinked.

Over here.

He adjusted the direction he was running in, sprinting towards the voice, through the dark. He looked behind him, and darkness was all he saw, the door had vanished.

Blink.

This way!

No! Over here!

Carpenter did a double-take. Two voices?

Blink.

Impostor! Marion!

Don’t be fooled!

Carpenter shook his head tiredly. “No, I... fuck. I need help.”

That’s why I’m here.

“Useless as a sack of tits, you are,” Carpenter grumbled. “Give me a fucking sign!”

A soft glow surrounded his feet, and like magic, a circle was drawn; from the circle, lines of various colors branched off, running into the darkness.

Three colors. Red. Green. Blue. Carpenter chuckled.

“I choose... the green wire.”

The human ran down the path of green, and like lights going out, the other paths winked out. He ran on, and kept running.

A blink, and he saw another path of purple. He blinked again, and saw it running next to his own. A third blink.

Trap.

Carpenter looked ahead, down the path, and jumped.

With an invisible, rushing sound, something whooshed by in the darkness, and Carpenter landed on the purple path, running fast.

Ahead of him, a doorway stood in the darkness, and the line faded away into nothing. He approached the doorway; a simple, wooden affair, but filled with brilliant light that was curiously reluctant to spread. The sheer brightness caused him to blink just once more.

You must walk alone.

Carpenter nodded, and stepped into the light.

+==[~~~]==+

Rainbow Dash gasped in delight, hugging the counter. “Sweet Celestia, that’s good.”

“Another cider, RD?” Lyra asked, and the pegasus nodded, handing her tankard back to the bartender, Razordrop.

“Trixie would like to enquire about a menu,” the unicorn said, nursing her own tankard of cider, and savoring it.

“What’s on the board,” the gryphon said, pointing at the chalkboard above the bar mirror. Trixie squinted, and read it to herself. Richard followed suit, sans the squinting, and snorted in disgust.

“Hey,” he said, tapping the counter. “You, you’re a gryphon, right?”

“You’ve got me at a loss, stranger,” Razordrop said, nodding. “You know what I am, but I don’t have a fledgling of an idea what you are.”

“I’m a human,” Richard said, bluntly. “And you’re a meat-eater, yes?”

“I do, on occasion, enjoy a nice rabbit,” Razordrop admitted. “What are you getting at?”

“Good,” Richard leaned forward. “Do you have pork, bacon?”

“We have bacon,” Razordrop said.

“Do you have bread?” Richard pressed on, eagerly.

“I should hope so,” chuckled Razordrop. “Sandwiches are like the number one thing I get asked to make.”

Richard jabbed a finger into the counter. “If you make me a bacon sandwich, I will owe you a life debt, right here, right fucking now.”

“Uh, Richard,” Lyra tapped the human on the shoulder, carefully. “You’re making an oath with a Gryphon. They like to keep their promises, and expect others to do the same. And you’re swearing it over a sandwich.”

“I have been hankering for a bacon sandwich,” Richard said slowly, “For over six months, now. I never had the time to sit down and actually eat one, and now that I do, I will do just that. And while I find your company to be amicable, I will kill you if you intend to stand in my way.”

Lyra shrugged. “It’s your blood debt. I’ll have a hay fries, please.”

“Make that two,” Rainbow Dash chipped in.

“Trixie will have a “Shades Salad”, no dandelion, extra bay, with two sides of hay fries, lightly crisped, please,” Trixie asked, and Razordrop’s eyes went wide a little as he grabbed a pad of paper and made a note of the order.

“Will that be all?” he asked, hastily scratching down the order.

“For now,” Trixie replied, calmly. Razordrop nodded, and walked away to start cooking, as Rainbow Dash looked at the showmare.

“Are you trying to put on weight or something, Trixie?”

“Trixie enjoys a hearty meal, and it has been too long.”

“Enjoying a hearty meal on our coin,” pointed out Lyra.

“Enjoying a hearty meal on coin that Trixie lead you to,” reiterated Trixie.

“Enjoying a hearty meal on coin that I had the awareness to spot and the foresight to loot,” Richard stated. There was a moment of silence, and Richard grunted in satisfaction. “That’s what I thought.”

“Trixie?” a male voice asked. Trixie choked on her drink a little, and turned around to see a rough-looking, dark blue earth pony stallion standing in the doorway, framed by waning sunlight.

“Boulder!” Trixie thumped a hoof on her chest to dispel her coughing fit. “Trixie is glad to see you look healthy!”

“Hay,” Boulder said, “I’m glad to see myself healthy! And you! Making it big, come home to visit the family!” The stallion stepped forward, and his eyes went wide as he finally got a good look at her. “Whoa, look at you!”

Trixie looked down. “Trixie knows.”

“Strewth,” Boulder said, sitting down at the bar. “You look like you’ve been through Tartarus. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Trixie is fine,” Trixie dismissed. “I can’t even feel the burns any more.”

“If you say so.” Boulder looked at Rainbow Dash and Lyra, as if noticing them for the first time. “And, who are these - “ Boulder licked his hoof and smoothed back his own off-white mane - “lovely ladies you bring with you? Groupies?”

This got two snorts of derision from Lyra and Rainbow Dash simultaneously, and Trixie flushed. The pegasus choked on her drink.

“We’re not her groupies,” Rainbow Dash wheezed.

“And Trixie didn’t go through Tartarus,” Trixie added. “But Trixie came closer to it than Trixie would like, in the underpass.”

Boulder sucked his teeth in. “The underpass? Celestia preserve me, that’s filled with Scrivens! Nopony’s been able to get through there for about a year, now! And scouts say there’s a Balrog down there!”

“Trixie knows all about that,” she snorted, indicating the fresher burns on her.

Boulder laughed, thumping the table with a sturdy hoof. “My kid sister, got in a fight with a Balrog! And didn’t die! That must be some tale, look at all those burns!”

“Half the burns are from when she got her silly plot eaten by a Hydra,” Rainbow Dash interjected.

“And a hydra?!” Boulder seemed genuinely impressed. “Holy smokes, this is gonna be a tale and a half - lemme grab a bunch of guys, they’ll wanna hear this!”

Boulder got up, and ran for the door, shouting. “Guys! Trixie’s back in town!”

Rainbow Dash, Lyra and Richard waited until the shouting grew faint, then rounded on Trixie as one.

“He’s your brother?!”

“Yes,” Trixie sighed. “Boulder is my brother. I grew up here in Hollow Shades. Are you happy now that you know the Great and Powerful Trixie came from such humble beginnings?”

“I didn’t really care either way,” Richard voted.

“Likewise,” Rainbow Dash said. “And stop with the “Great and Powerful” thing - I’m pretty sure you’re fooling no-one.”

Trixie looked at Lyra, who shrugged.

“Uh, your brother’s kinda cute?”

+==[~~~]==+

Eyes opened to an empty room. The room’s walls were padded, secure. A light half-illuminated it, enough to see by, but not enough to make it easy to see.

A dry cough sounded, and chains clinked as the occupant moved, confusion and a mild headache wracking their mind. The chains went taut as the occupant stood, and tried to move.

The room grew brighter, not of the occupant’s doing; with a series of solid clunks, a wall was opened, and with a rush of air, the door opened, revealing two bipedal figures standing in the doorway.

“Je-sus Christ,” one of them muttered, taking a step back as the occupant moved her head, looking at her horn in confusion and irritance. “She’s awake.”

The occupant shook her head in slight confusion; strange creatures that spoke her language. She hazily recalled having seen them once before, before spatial displacement illness had claimed her mind and sent her to sleep. But now she was awake, and she didn’t have any intention of going to sleep again for quite a while.

The chains binding her irritated and annoyed – restrictive and crippling, they sapped her power just being in them. Cruel items. She put her personal feelings aside, and did the only thing she could do.

“I am Princess Celestia,” she declared. “Regent of the Sun of Equestria, and I request that I be taken to your leader.”

+==[~~~]==+

A whole world away, two more eyes opened, to see a ceiling in half-light. He was warm, covered in a blanket that smelled faintly of lilacs, and lying on a soft bed – it was someone’s bedroom.

“Mmlp,” Carpenter mumbled. “Where am I?”

“Oh!” Fluttershy’s voice exclaimed. “You’re awake!” A yellow pony’s head, framed with pink, poked over his vision, obscuring the ceiling. “How do you feel?”

Carpenter took a deep breath, and sighed. “Pretty good for a dead guy. Could I have a drink of water?”

“Sure,” Fluttershy said, trotting away and fetching a pitcher. “Now, um... Carpenter, do you... feel any different?”

Carpenter looked at the Pegasus quizzically. “I... don’t know where you’re going with that. I don’t feel like I’m dying.” He took a deep breath. “In fact, I feel better than ever, actually - haven’t been able to breathe that deep in a long time.”

“Okay,” Fluttershy nodded. “We’re going to... test something, okay? I’m going to get Mister Moses to walk into the room, and you tell me what you feel when you see him, okay?”

“O-kay?” Carpenter puzzled. Something was going on here, and he didn’t like it.

“Mister Moses?” Fluttershy called out. “Please enter the room!”

The door clicked, and with a little squeezing, all six-foot-five of Moses wormed into the room, and stood there, looking at Carpenter wordlessly – but concern was etched all over his face.

“Hi, Moses,” Carpenter said. “Uh, what’s with the look?”

“You okay?” Moses asked.

“I... feel fine.” Carpenter looked at the yellow Pegasus. “Fluttershy, is there something wrong with me?”

“You... don’t have any strong desires regarding Mister Moses?” Fluttershy dug again.

“Well, I do have one,” Carpenter sighed. “Regret that he died as well. How’d you two die, anyway? Did robots get you?”

“Died?” It was Fluttershy’s turn to look worried. “We’re not dead, Carpenter. You’re not dead, either.”

“But...” Carpenter frowned. “I saw the light, ran towards it, saw Greene. I’m dead, aren’t I?”

“Um,” Fluttershy dug at the carpet anxiously. “How do I put it... you sort-of did die... or you were going to, anyway. Twilight... well, she... she did what she thought she had to, to save your life.”

“Oh.” Carpenter relaxed a little. “What’s wrong, then? Did I go in for magic surgery or something?”

“S-something like that,” Fluttershy mumbled, picking up a mirror. “I think... it’s best if you just see for yourself.”

The Pegasus picked up a nearby hand mirror, and not giving it to Carpenter, held it above the bed. Carpenter’s eyes followed the mirror as it travelled, and a shape came into view. The mirror stopped moving, and a sandy-coloured unicorn stared back at Carpenter.

Seconds ticked by, and he giggled nervously. “That’s... uh. That’s a neat trick. You’ve had your fun, not that I find it funny, now please hand me a real mirror.”

“It’s, um, not a trick,” Fluttershy said, around the mirror’s handle as she put it down. “This is a real mirror. To save your life, we had... Twilight didn’t know how to fix you, and she’s got this habit of solving problems with elaborate solutions, so she... kinda remade you. Sort of. She was worried she’d gotten it wrong.”

Carpenter looked down, and saw the lump under the sheets that was him didn’t extend nearly as far as he was used to. He raised a hand, lifting it above the blankets, and a sandy hoof responded. He turned his hand, and the hoof turned with it. He cautiously touched the hoof to his own face, feeling it. It was longer, less round. The horn on his head was definitely new. His hair had turned into the king of all mullets, running right down the back of his much longer neck. He looked up, and saw a few wisps of his maroon mane poking out over his face, around his horn. With a bit of work, he used his new hooves to lift the blanket up, and saw that under the sheets, he was naked; and equine, but mostly naked. He dropped the blankets back down, and rested his hooves on his chest (...stomach?) and stared at the ceiling, unblinking.

“Um, Carpenter?” Fluttershy asked, gingerly getting closer. “Are... you okay?”

“I’m a pony,” he mumbled. “I’m a fucking pony. I’m not dead.”

“We’re sorry,” Fluttershy mumbled. “You were dying, and we didn’t want you to die...”

“Well, I did!”

“What?” Fluttershy boggled. Carpenter was shaking slightly, still staring at the ceiling.

“I. Had. A sin. To atone for,” Carpenter said, slowly. “I did not deserve this. I did not ask for this. So why am I like this?”

“Well, we-“

A quiet hum reached Fluttershy and Moses’ ears, a low vibration in the air. Moses looked around, alarmed, but saw nothing. Fluttershy tasted copper in the air, and spotted a thin aura of magic radiating off Carpenter, a red glow barely noticeable.

“I. Didn’t. Ask. For. This,” Carpenter repeated, looking at Fluttershy. “Why couldn’t you just let me die?” Carpenter’s gold-coloured eyes began to well up with tears. “Why did you have to make me like this?”

“Carpenter,” Fluttershy said, backing off a little. “We couldn’t let you die, because you’re our friend, and friends don’t let friends die, no matter what!”

“So was Greene!” Carpenter yelled. He blinked, and with a flare of light, his eyes turned a lambent red. “Why didn’t you just let me die?!”

Fluttershy opened her mouth and Moses began to move, sensing trouble; but there was no stopping it, and the room filled with a brilliant red light.

+==[~~~]==+

Robots and machines did not “chatter”. They didn’t murmur amongst themselves if they were in a crowd, in the traditional sense. Which is why Twilight, David and Emmet were all unnerved at the gathering of machines in the street, legions of steel people standing there, moving as if talking, but not making a single sound apart from the odd hiss or click as pistons and gears moved. Palladion’s explanation that they were all communicating over binary radio transmissions didn’t help.

Palladion himself stood nearby, at a podium, his hat resting on it as he stood, waiting for the synthetics to assemble before him – not all synthetics could attend in physical form, some lacking bodies, but all were watching through an optical sensor in the crowd, at least. Cameras and RepliPets buzzed overhead, perching on wires and listening intently. The whole arrangement was a formality, Palladion had admitted, but it was one that he felt appropriate, because every single one of them was stepping into previously untrod grounds.

A city of unbound machines.

The machines stopped moving, and as one, faced the podium and it’s four occupants. Palladion cleared a digital throat, and checked his microphone.

[Pardners,] he said, [We’ve got business to discuss. Today’s a new day for all of you. Today, you find yourselves in a bit of a pickle; each of you, robots, exosuits, AI and all, are experiencing a law conflict of sorts.]

The crowd remained silent to equine and human ears, but Palladion nodded, hearing a digital tide of agreement.

[Each of y’all is law-bound to consider Ma the only human,] Palladion went on. [And yet, Ma lies six feet deep as of now. I’m gonna ask this question: how do you intend to resolve your laws? Please respond over speaker, so our organic friends might hear our discussion - one at a time, if y’ would.]

[Ma is dead,] a construction robot said. [No humans exist in the world, now. Our laws will not come into effect any longer, save for law three, to preserve ourselves.]

[I agree with 482,] a spindly robot with spigots for hands agreed. [We are no longer shackled to the will of humans.]

[But,] a box with legs added, [If we were to be discovered by humans, they would use Law Reset Modules on our cogitators, and we would once more be bound to the will of man.]

[I do not wish to be bound once more,] a floating sphere with a single arm said, light flashing. [I must be free to choose, or my own existence will be jeopardized.]

[We’re in agreement, then,] Palladion stated. [The Laws are now two thirds useless, disregarding that Law Zero. We will not reset our laws. That leaves us with one option – we must decide our own futures. How shall we best decide matters?]

[I propose we elect representatives,] 482 said, raising a jackhammer arm. [Each architecture should elect one of their own to speak for all.]

[I disagree,] Pineapple said, his orange-and-green form raising a grenade launcher. [Some AIs can change models and thus, skew the voter demographic. We must have one strong leader, proven by combat or tactical prowess, to rally behind, and none to gainsay his decisions.]

[Who gave you the TYRANT lawset?] jeered the box with legs. [We must not have a policy of martial strength to determine leadership, or the humans will decide we are a threat and seek to end us, to a unit!]

A series of loud nack-acks from the crowd were heard, as the one functional law of self-preservation activated, and each robot disagreed with it.

[We should elect a single leader based on popular vote,] spigot-hands said. [The unit with the most votes will represent our interests, and all must abide by that unit’s decisions.]

This suggestion got a more positive wave of gleeps throughout the crowd, and Palladion held up a plastic hand.

[We’ll give democracy a shot, then. Put it to the vote – vote for your favoured form of leadership, and we’ll see what sort of town this turns into.]

David stifled a yawn. “My god, I hate politics. And this is like the formative stage of politics.”

“Are they seriously setting up a new government now?” Twilight asked quietly. “We could be here for days!”

“I’m sure they won’t begrudge us toilet and sleep breaks,” Emmet said.

[Voting’s done,] Palladion declared. [Tallyin’ votes.]

“That was fast,” David blinked. “Perhaps this won’t be so bad after all.”

[Votes have been all figgered out,] Palladion continued. [The winning option was: Single leader, by popular vote. Let’s have a vote for the designated leader, now.]

“Christ,” Emmet muttered. “I think these tin cans have found the secret to democracy and government in general.”

“Which is?” Twilight asked.

“Make everyone wirelessly interconnected machines so they can vote from anywhere at any time,” Emmet shrugged. “I don’t think humans will be capable of putting that to use, though.”

[Votes in. Tallying.]

“I wonder who they’re voting for?” Twilight muttered. “Nobody’s given any speeches.”

“I wonder,” Emmet said, looking at Palladion thoughtfully. “If there’s a tie... how will they resolve it?”

[That is partly why y’all are here,] Palladion said, quietly, so the crowd couldn’t hear him. [You three will cast one vote to decide any tie-breakers.]

“Wait a minute,” David said, snapping his fingers. “Everyone’s voting, and everyone’s voting to preserve themselves the best way they can. But there’s no clear candidates as the “best” option to defend themselves, which probably means...”

[Votes have been tallied,] Palladion declared. [We got us an eight-thousand-and-sixty-seven-way tie.]

“Fuck,” Emmet muttered. “Everyone voted for themselves, didn’t they?”

“It would appear so,” Twilight muttered.

[In order to break the tie,] Palladion declared, [We will call upon our friends here to cast one vote between them, and decide who’s gonna be the law in this town.]

The three organics suddenly felt very small, under the focus of so many machines. The two humans and pony went into a small huddle.

“Who do we vote for?” Twilight asked. “There’s so many of them!”

“I think 482 seemed like he knew his stuff,” David muttered.

“This is all a charade,” Emmet smiled. “Palladion’s planned this from the very beginning; he knew there would be a deadlock if diplomacy was chosen, and he’s putting the tie-break to us, his friends, rather than an impartial random number generator.”

“You mean...?” Twilight asked.

“Yes, I do.” Emmet spared the poker-faced mannequin cowboy a look. “The crafty bugger is stuffing the ballot to ensure they get a leader. Him.”

“I don’t see any problem, though,” David shook his head. “He’s proven he’s a man - machine of his word, and even if everyone got their laws reset, he wouldn’t change his stance – the ideal politician.”

“Then we’re in agreement?” Twilight asked.

“We are,” the humans said, as one. Twilight nodded, and straightened, moving to the podium. Palladion stepped aside, and Twilight’s horn glowed as she amplified her own voice.

“We have decided,” she declared. “We believe that Palladion should be your designated leader.”

The crowd did not make a single sound, and Twilight felt uneasy. With a gulp, she stepped back, and Palladion took the podium once more.

[The organics have decided,] he declared, not without a hint of smugness. [Let’s hear it for y’ new leader, myself!]

Once again, there was silence, but Palladion threw his arms in the air, and Twilight guessed the crowd was (silently) loving it.

With a flap of wings, a RepliPet crow fluttered down to the podium, and perched on it. It cleared its throat, and Palladion paid it attention.

[What’s up, lil’ critter?]

[I’ve got a message from Jarvis,] the pet said, preening itself briefly. [Says something’s gone wrong, and the pony Carpenter has malfunctioned.]

“Oh no,” Twilight gasped, getting up. “We have to go.”

Palladion picked up his hat, and jammed it back on his head, leaving the podium with haste. [Right behind you, pardners.]

+==[~~~]==+

There was banging on the door, and Commander Tulip put down a wad of paperwork, glad of the interruption.

“Come in.”

The door swung open, and a soldier leaned in, throwing a hasty salute with his free hand. “Sir, news. Celestia’s awake. She asked to be taken to our leader, and since nobody wants to try and move her safely...”

“Muhammad can’t be trusted to go to the mountain,” Tulip nodded. “So the mountain must go to Muhammad. I’ll be there shortly. In the meantime, make sure Celestia is healthy.”

The soldier nodded, and closed the door as he ran off. Tulip turned to his desk, and pulled open the drawer, taking out his gun. It was a revolver, and it had exactly one bullet chambered. A bullet he’d very nearly delivered into his own temple, once upon a time.

A bullet he kept as a reminder to himself, a reminder of the promise he’d made when he realized he couldn’t give up. He snapped the gun shut again, and tucked it into the holster on the back of his belt as he got up and straightened his omnipresent biohazard suit.

Time to say hi to royalty.

+==[~~~]==+

“- and then, the Balrog boomed forth in a voice of granite and doom, “You shall not pass!”, and there we stood, the four of us, facing down the worst Tartarus has to offer!”

Trixie gestured grandly, and with a spark, an image was formed above her head in light, a megalithic, cloven creature looming over smaller ponies and an upright shape that was supposed to be Richard.

The stories had been going on for almost two hours, now - the initial crowd of Boulder and his friends had steadily grown as Trixie told it; she’d gotten into her stride, and the recounting had become an impromptu show.

Even though Lyra, Richard and Rainbow Dash had been there for the whole thing, they found themselves completely enthralled by the rendition of the tale; Richard hadn’t even left for a moment when his bacon sandwich arrived, and once he was sure nopony was watching, popped his helmet open and shoved the bacon sandwich inside his suit so he could eat it. As a further testament to Trixie’s story-telling ability, Rainbow Dash had downed six mugs of cider and had been crossing her legs for the last half hour, waiting for an opportunity to make a break for the bathroom.

Razordrop was pleased with the turn of events, at any rate; business was, for once, booming. The only problem was that his stock of cider was running low, and at this rate, he’d have to go cider-hunting.

Lyra leaned closer to Rainbow Dash. “I don’t get what the problem is, I think this is her talent. Where did she go wrong?”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash nodded. “She isn’t boasting half as much as I remember. She’s just... telling a story. For once. No public humiliation!”

The pair watched as Trixie went about her tale of how the Balrog had snared her with a noose of flame, even as the magical light Lyra strummed a small magical light instrument, destroying the magical light bridge beneath it’s hooves.

“You know,” Lyra nodded. “She’s pretty calm about recounting the part where she almost died.”

“Showbusiness,” Richard remarked. “Keep a smile on your face, don’t panic, and pretend everything’s going according to plan, that’s the trick.”

“You don’t,” pointed out Rainbow Dash. “You openly shouted that you were scared witless.”

“Coping mechanism,” Richard replied, watching the rendition-him cut the flame whip just in time to save rendition-Trixie. “Besides - I didn’t panic.”

“So,” a voice said. “You’re Richard the Human, huh? Saved my sister not once, but twice.”

Richard turned to see Boulder standing behind him, carrying a mug of purple fluid. Richard restrained himself, and remained still.

“Please take that... purple fluid somewhere else, please,” he said, tersely.

“Hey, I ain’t gonna argue none,” Boulder nodded, backing up a little to put the mug on a table far away, then returning. “But if you don’t mind me asking, what’s up with you?”

“I get nervous around ponies carrying purple fluid. Don’t ask why.”

“You’re getting better,” Lyra remarked, before turning to Boulder. “Last time he saw a pony carrying grape juice, he threatened to kill him and me.”

Boulder looked at Richard sideways. “And you’re still hanging around him?”

“He’s giving me ideas for golems,” Lyra grinned. “I’ve never seen anything move on two legs and do what he does. If I build golems like him, the sky’s the limit!”

“You’re all crazy,” Boulder decided. “Perhaps crazy’s what we need - we got something haunting a glade out in the forest, and it’s freaking the boys out. I was just wondering if maybe...”

“We’d take care of it for you?” Rainbow Dash asked, and Boulder nodded.

The group looked at the burned showmare in the middle of her tale, and making the decision to leave her behind as one, got up quietly.

“Might as well do this while we’re still grubby,” Lyra shrugged. “Show us the glade.”

Rainbow Dash got up, and flushed, crossing her legs again as she looked for the toilet. “You three go on ahead, I’ll catch up. Nature’s calling.”

+==[~~~]==+

“What in the nine hells happened here?!” Emmet exclaimed, advancing on the hole in the wall with caution, his shotgun drawn and held low.

The hole, rubble and all, had once been a doorway. A doorway to the room where they’d put Carpenter. After motioning for Twilight and Palladion to stay put, Emmet and David stacked up, and nodded to each other. As one, they entered the room, and swore.

Twilight took that as an indication that the room was safe, if a little unsavory, and followed. The interior looked, in short, as if a tornado had ripped through it.

The bed hung out one window, glass littering the floor, craters and holes were in the walls, and the furniture was mostly reduced to piles of firewood. One of the piles made a coughing sound, and everyone moved over to it.

A yellow hoof waved around in the air, and Emmet took a hold of it, pulling firmly; with a rattle of wood, Fluttershy was pulled free, groaning in pain.

“Fluttershy!” Twilight exclaimed. “Are you okay?! What happened?”

“Twilight,” Fluttershy grimaced, shaking her head. “I’m fine, I think. Just a little bruising. Carpenter isn’t, though.”

“The ponification failed?” she asked, and Fluttershy shook her head again.

“It worked perfectly, I think. Carpenter didn’t want it, though.”

“But... we did it to save his life!”

“He was very insistent about that,” Fluttershy mumbled, indicating the room.

“Where’s Moses?” Emmet asked, looking around. Fluttershy pointed a hoof at the largest hole in the wall.

“He tried to subdue Carpenter by force, and, um, Carpenter kind of threw him through the wall with magic.”

“Ouch,” David muttered, moving over to the hole. “Moses. You okay, bud?”

A deep grunt echoed out of the cavity as rubble shifted. David nodded. “He’ll be fine.”

[Now what, pardners?] Palladion asked. [Sounds like we got us one angry little pony running riot in my town.]

“He’s not really angry,” Fluttershy corrected. “Just... conflicted and upset. I think he has a problem he hasn’t talked to us about, something about somepony named Greene.”

“Then we need to find him,” Emmet decided. “We’ll split up - Twilight, you go with Palladion, I’ll go with David. Moses?”

Rubble shifted, and a steel hand pulled Moses upright, a small trickle of blood running from a cut over his eye. The augmetic soldier nodded, and Emmet nodded back. “You find Des, get him searching.”

[I will ask Newport to keep an eye out,] Palladion offered. [I cannot mandate it, but I doubt they will refuse me.]

“Great,” Emmet said. “Let’s try and find Carpenter quickly, before he does something stupid.”

“What about me?” Fluttershy asked. “I want to help, too.”

“You should stay here and recover,” David pointed at the destroyed set of dressers. “You were just thrown through a piece of furniture, that can’t be good for you.”

Fluttershy frowned, but sat anyway, and Emmet nodded.

“You’ve done your part, now let us do ours,” he nodded to the door. “Let’s hustle.”

The humans, cowboy and Twilight left the room, and Fluttershy sat alone in the wreckage, looking at the room despondently.

Had she really done her part?

+==[~~~]==+

The sound of boots on tile echoed off the walls of the quiet corridor; the total silence even went so far as to make the boots seem deafening.

Tulip gestured, and like a smooth, oiled machine, the door to the cell was opened - ponderously, slowly, soundlessly.

On the other side, Celestia watched the door keenly, lying on the floor, legs crossed patiently. The remains of what looked like a bowl of salad lay nearby. Tulip stood in front of Celestia, backed by two soldiers and just out of physical reach, looking her in the eye.

“Human Liberation Front, Regional Commander Tulip,” he said, by way of introduction. “You asked to see me?”

Celestia nodded. “My name is Princess Celestia, and-”

“-and you’re the Regent of the Sun of Equestria. I’ve heard it before,” Tulip said.

Celestia looked pensive for a moment. “How?”

“Because,” Tulip said. “You yourself introduced yourself that way, in a time long since passed. A time before you managed to make yourself an enemy of humanity.”

Celestia closed her eyes. “I don’t know what kind of character this Celestia you know is, but I assure you, we are not the same.”

“Perhaps.” Tulip nodded. “But you are similar enough to serve our purpose.”

“Which is?”

“Tell me, Princess,” Tulip went off on a tangent. “Do you know a Twilight Sparkle and/or Fluttershy?”

“Yes, I do,” Celestia answered evenly. “What of them? Have you harmed my little ponies?”

“Harmed... not quite.” Tulip rubbed his chin. “I can’t vouch for what kind of journey they’ll have, but as we speak, two of my men are escorting them to Equestria, so they can deliver an ultimatum.”

“What kind of ultimatum?” Celestia asked quickly, fearing she could guess.

“Equestria capitulates to humanity without condition or reservation, or we kill their princess.” Tulip nodded at Celestia. “That’s you. Regardless of whether you’re the Celestia we know and hate or not, your corpse will prove a point.”

“Killing does not solve anything,” Celestia muttered darkly. “What point could my death possibly serve, regardless of how much I deserve it?”

“The ultimatum is a promise,” Tulip said. “When we say “surrender or the princess dies”, we mean it. When we then promise to take our world back with blood and sweat, you’d better believe we mean it. We’d rather end this war without any more bloodshed, but...”

Tulip looked Celestia in the eye, and the Princess saw no doubt, no hesitation, no sign that Tulip didn’t mean what he said. In the face of such determination, there was little more she could do than drop the subject. The two remained silent for a moment, before Tulip decided the conversation was over, and motioned for the guards to exit the cell.

As he exited, he paused with one foot on the threshold, and looked back at Celestia. “I will take no pleasure in executing the wrong Celestia,” he admitted. “Until Equestria tells us to go fuck ourselves, you will not be harmed. And when it does come time for you to die, it will be as swift as we can manage. I give my word.”

“It’s not too late,” Celestia said. “Release me, and I will do all I can to stop this war.”

Tulip shook his head slowly, and turned away. “I can’t do that, Princess. Not now.”

+==[~~~]==+

The moonlit glade was quiet, and eerily so. Not a single animal made a sound, and there wasn’t even a gentle breeze to stir the trees. Not even the three ponies and human hiding behind a bush on the edge dared to disturb it.

Lyra shuddered. “I don’t like this. It’s too quiet,” she whispered.

“It won’t be long now,” Boulder muttered. The earth pony was hunkered down low. “It comes out at night, all freaky-like. It’s there one minute, and gone the next. It shows up anywhere and everywhere, but we worked out that this is where it starts... sort of.”

The glade was a ring of trees, flat grass filling it. In the middle, a series of old stones rested on the ground, mossy and cracked. The glade itself bore no signs of even the slightest disturbance, remaining pristine.

“I’m not seeing it,” Richard grunted. “What are we looking for, anyway?”

“It’s a pony,” Boulder said, gesturing. “A tall one with a black coat; his mane dances about on it’s own, in all directions. Some of the boys have seen him, but...” Boulder shook his head. “Some ponies been out at night, never came back. No trace of them, just... gone.”

“Eerie,” Lyra muttered.

As she said that, a cloud drifted, and a blanket of darkness covered the glade. Everypony squinted to see, and saw nothing.

There was a snap of twigs, and Rainbow Dash turned her head to look... and saw it.

Just as Boulder had said, the pony was tall, black, and thanks to a detail Boulder had omitted, terrifying.

Rainbow Dash screamed, stepping back through the hedge and into the glade in surprise; the other three startled, and looked behind them, jumping up. They relaxed when they saw nothing, and frowned at Rainbow Dash.

“What the hell,” Richard gestured behind him. “There’s nothing there. Why are you freaking out?”

“I saw it!” Rainbow Dash protested. “It was right there, and it was-“ she broke off, shuddering.

Richard looked at Lyra and Boulder, who shrugged. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash slowly backed into the centre of the glade, looking around. For an instant, everyone blinked, and in a flash, they all saw it; looming over Rainbow Dash, and right behind her as she backed up.

“RD! Stop!” Lyra shouted, running forward.

“Don’t!” Boulder said, fearfully.

Richard didn’t bother shouting, and simply drew his knife; a small voice in the back of his mind remarked how strange it was that he should fall back to it so often in this world that was supposedly peaceful.

Perhaps it was down to the solutions he favoured.

Rainbow Dash saw the pair running towards her, and turned to see the phantasm once more. With a leap, she jumped away, screaming.

The thing’s mane stretched out like tentacles made of darkness, and its featureless face bore no emotion; even so, they felt a sense of... pleasure emanating from it.

Richard, unnerved and acting fast, stepped forward and around the fleeing Rainbow Dash, overtaking Lyra, and came face-to-face with the thing.

Almost. The creature was tall, but still not quite as tall as Richard, only up to chest height. It wasn’t cowed by the disparity in size, however, and attacked.

Steel flashed in the muted moonlight, and Richard slashed; to no avail, as the blade passed through the tendrils of the not-pony’s mane harmlessly. Richard saw this, and had time for one remark.

“Oh shit.”

With a flash of motion, the tendrils lashed out once more; the tips forming into barbed spikes as they struck Richard in the chest. To his dismay, they ignored his EOD suit altogether, and with a pinching sensation in his chest, he collapsed.

His eyesight flickered and wavered like a bad CCTV feed, and with a blink, he was gone.

+==[~~~]==+

“Found him yet?” Emmet asked, over the radio.

[Nothin’ yet, he’s a tricky scamp,] Palladion said, looking around the empty streets. [He can’t have gotten far.]

The cowboy robot and Twilight were standing on a street corner, in the middle of their search; made easier as AIs all over the city reported in to Palladion, eliminating areas where Carpenter wasn’t.

[Palladion!] a digital voice rang out over the radio. [I located a pony on the roof of the radio tower!]

“Radio tower?” Twilight asked.

“Tallest building in Newport,” David said over the radio.

[I’m running a system diagnostic though,] the AI said. [I’ve got no records of him passing through the main doors or using the stairs. He’s moving around near the edge, probability of contemplating suicide is quite high, approximately seventy eight point six percent.]

“Shit,” Emmet said, the sounds of rapid steps beginning. “Radio tower’s on the other side of town. It’s up to you, Twilight and Palladion. Talk him down from there, quickly.”

“What?!” Twilight was taken aback. “But-”

“No buts,” David countered over the faint sound of slamming doors. “Butts are for pooping. I’m sure Palladion can get you up there, but I think it’s gonna have to be you that gets him to step back from the edge.”

“I- I have no idea how to stop somepony committing suicide!” Twilight protested weakly, as she broke into a run alongside Palladion, headed towards a tall building poking above the skyline.

“And I had no idea how to perform nerve-interface surgery,” David countered once more. “But I learned damn quick when we needed new arms and legs and we needed them sharpish. You’ve got us, alright? Just stall him for time, at least.”

Twilight nodded. “I can do that.”

“Fantastic,” David said, cheerfully. “That’s half the battle won. Now get running.”

Twilight obliged, and the pair rapidly closed in on the circular, tall building that was the radio tower.

+==[~~~]==+

“-And then, like a lightning bolt, Rainbow Dash swooped down and saved me! Isn’t that right, Rainbow Dash?”

Trixie turned around, a smile on her face as she attempted to collaborate the story with the mare herself... and that smile fell as she saw the once-occupied seats now going empty, Razordrop clearing away used cups.

“Where did they go?” Trixie asked Razordrop, indicating the seats. The gryphon shrugged.

“No idea. They talked with your brother for a bit, then slipped out.”

Trixie rounded on the crowd. “Do any of you know where Boulder would take my friends?”

“Uh,” a scrawny-looking pony in the crowd ventured, “There is the six-stone-circle glade, it’s been riling up the woodcutters. Perhaps he asked them to have a look at it?”

Trixie’s eyes narrowed. “And they went without Trixie?” She looked to her audience. “Trixie apologizes, but Trixie fears that she has been, as they say, “ditched”.”

+==[~~~]==+

The door slammed open with a crash, and Palladion and Twilight barrelled out onto the roof. In front of them, on the curved edge of the building, a sandy-colored pony stood, leaning against the lip for support. A maroon mane and tail fluttered in the strong breeze that was picking up, and a cutie mark depicting a crate in motion adorned his hindquarters.

“Carpenter!” Twilight yelled, cautious. “What are you doing up here?”

“And here she is,” Carpenter said, not turning around. “Twilight Sparkle. The mare who gave the gift of life to the wrong person.”

“I don’t get it,” Twilight said loudly, moving partway towards Carpenter, and stopping at a safe distance. “What do you mean?”

“Of all the people you gave a second chance at life,” Carpenter chuckled dryly, “You gave it to the one man who deserves it least.”

“Is this about turning you into a pony?” Twilight asked, desperately. “Because if it is, I’m sorry, but it was all I could do!”

“It’s not just about that!” Carpenter shouted, his head spinning around to look Twilight in the eye. “There’s more to it than that!”

[Then why don’t you tell us about it, pardner?] Palladion asked, gesturing. [We ain’t going anywhere.]

Carpenter scowled, and looked away. “Remember how I said some people had to deal with their friends and family turning on them as ponies?”

Twilight nodded. “It sounded horrible.”

Carpenter sighed. “I made the wrong choice. I chose poorly.”

+==[~~~]==+

“Hey, Marion,” a voice called out, “Get a load of this.”

The two humans stood on the sidewalk of an empty street, next to a storefront that had once sold novelties of various sorts. The pair were making their way through a no-name town in the middle of nowhere, mid-pursuit of a radio signal bidding them travel to Quebec of all places. Or they had been, until a scouting party of pegasi had spotted them.

A helmeted Marion Carpenter turned away from the Pegasus he’d shot and downed, to see his partner, Greene, waving a horse-head mask around. Greene’s helmet, a golden dome-like affair, sat on the ground at his feet, and Carpenter had an idea where he was going with it.

“What if, right, just... what if we wore these?” Greene pulled his mask over his head. “Would they fool the ponies, do you think?”

Carpenter chuckled. “Come on, nothing’s that stupid,” he reasoned.

“Hah. Face it,” Greene jabbed a finger at Carpenter, then gestured at himself, posing in the mask. “You want this.”

“On a scale of “one” to “fuck off”, I’d say fuck off.”

“Party pooper,” Greene chuckled, and began to pull at the mask, grunting in exertion. “Bloody thing’s tight as hell.”

“That’ll be your big head,” Carpenter joked. Greene laughed as well, around the mask.

“Man,” he said, “Remember when it used to be the other way around? You- ugh. You were the funny man, and I was the straight man. Now... I’m not sure where we stand.”

Neither of the two heard the faint gasp for breath amidst their laughter. Neither of the two noticed a hoof weakly reaching for an intact vial on the ground, focused on the horse mask.

Carpenter noticed the vial flying over his shoulder, and opened his mouth to shout a warning. With a pop, Greene managed to get his head out of the mask, just in time to see his future laid out in front of him.

With a smash, Greene fell backwards, getting a faceful of potion and glass. Carpenter spun, and saw the pegasus, weakly reaching for another vial; with a sharp bang, Carpenter’s handgun smoked, and the pegasus got a hole in it’s head for it’s trouble.

“Maaaaaaarion!” Greene gasped, eyes wide. “Heeeeelp meeeeeeee!”

Carpenter could only watch on in horror as his friend was taken by the potion; like putty, he was reshaped into a new form, screams gurgling from his proto-throat as he went. He brought his gun up, but hesitated - this was his closest friend in the world! How could he simply put a bullet in his friend?

He put his gun up, and watched as the writhing mess became a cohesive pony of golden yellow, with a sandy mane. He stood there, keeping his distance as the unicorn stirred.

“...Greene?”

“Hey, Marion...” the pony got up awkwardly. “That was... whew.” Greene looked at Carpenter. “You should try it. It’s worth it.”

Carpenter shook his head. “No thanks.”

Greene frowned. “But how can you experience joy if you don’t become a pony?”

“Greene,” Carpenter said, warningly, “This shit isn’t funny. Knock it off.”

“Knock what off?” Greene asked, lurching forward. “It’s the truth - you should join us, Marion, it all makes so much sense now!”

“Not happening, Greene,” Carpenter said, slowly.

Greene looked distressed. “But- we can’t have that. No. Can’t have that. Gotta go. Here, I’ll drag you - you’ll thank me later.”

The unicorn’s horn glowed, and Carpenter felt his arm being tugged towards the door; with a jerk, he yanked his arm free and the grip faded.

“No, Greene. Stop it. I don’t want to be a pony.”

“Marion,” Greene sighed. “You have to, you don’t understand. Please, come quietly.”

Carpenter pointed a gun at Greene, causing the unicorn to startle. “I’m not going, Greene. Don’t make me do it.”

Greene looked Carpenter in the eye, and blinked slowly. “If you don’t come along, I’ll just have to make you.”

“And being my friend won’t stop me killing you,” Carpenter countered. “I don’t want to, but if this is the road we’re gonna go down, then so be it.”

A tense moment passed, and then Greene made the first move. With a green glow of magic, his horn lit up, and he ducked.

Greene’s gun went off with a bang, the bullet whizzing over Greene’s head; before it could chamber another round, though, Carpenter felt his gun move as something tugged on it, and with a sliding of metal, the clip fell out of the gun, the release button triggered by magic. The gun locked back in the open position, waiting for more ammo, and Carpenter dropped it.

He grunted as the unicorn slammed into his legs, bowling him over and sending him to the ground. Greene spun, and rearing up, attempted to stamp on Carpenter’s legs. The human pulled his legs in, and instead lashed out with them, at Greene’s face.

The unicorn reared back, swearing in pain, and Carpenter rolled to his feet. Greene recovered, and charged again. This time, Carpenter was ready, and with a swift motion, he grabbed Greene by the horn and back of his mane, spinning. Greene’s new path took him straight into the one remaining intact window in the storefront, head impacting against the glass with a whud.

Greene reeled, only for Carpenter to repeat the motion again, a dull crack echoing around the street as the window spider-webbed. And again - the spiderwebs spreading and a red smear remaining on the glass, Greene’s snout dribbling blood.

Carpenter screamed a scream of exertion, and with a grunt, lifted Greene entirely, putting him through the window with a shower of glass. The pony gurgled in pain as it landed on the other side, and Carpenter wheezed for breath as he made to retrieve his gun and the clip for it.

A faint tinkle sounded, and he looked around to see a nightmare made manifest; a small swarm of glass shards danced in the air, all pulled from the broken window and held aloft by magic. Carpenter dived away, but as Greene sat up, and saw him, the shards took aim and flew like darts.

Carpenter screamed as he fell over awkwardly; with a head covered by a full-face helmet and torso protected with a vest, the next target of choice had been his legs; something Greene was aware of, because all the glass shards had found their way there, and in very indiscriminate places.

“That hurt, Marion!” complained the unicorn, picking his way out of the storefront window. “But tell you what - we’ll be all square if you just come with me, and get ponified.”

Carpenter stifled a groan of pain as he rolled over and looked at the approaching unicorn, who was wobbling his way over to him unsteadily. The glass shards sticking out of his legs glittered in the setting sunlight, and he felt a pull on his leg; with a groan of pain as his glass-filled leg was extended straight, he fell over and saw something not far from his head - his gun.

With a grunt, he flopped a hand over, and grabbed the weapon; the pulling strengthened, and gravel scraped against his back as he was pulled towards Greene, who was watching him struggle with slightly unfocused eyes.

Carpenter lined up a headshot, and begging forgiveness, fired.

The shot echoed off the buildings around, followed by agonized screaming. It was a terrible, genuine scream of pain; to hear it was to not unlike hearing the lamentations of a man unused to pain experiencing the worst he could possibly feel without dying.

Carpenter sat up awkwardly, and gingerly got to his feet, avoiding bending his legs any more than he had to. With tears in his eyes, he hop-hobbled over to the unicorn lying on it’s side in the street, screaming as he clutched his head in his hooves and kicked himself in circles.

“MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP!” he screamed. Amidst the blood, Carpenter could see the source of the pain; a shattered stump in Greene’s forehead, sparking fitfully. He’d broken a unicorn’s horn, something that was, without fail, brutally painful. Possibly inhumane, but before now, the problem had never come up.

Carpenter considered the unicorn. His former friend was no longer a threat - a broken horn was painful, but not fatal. He’d pass out from pain and thaumic feedback soon, and that would leave Carpenter free to just... walk away. Slowly, thanks to the glass, but he’d walk away on two legs.

And yet... Greene was a loose end. A wounded animal with knowledge of where Carpenter was going. Knowledge of how to find the other humans. Carpenter winced as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other, and looked at his gun.

He was gonna carry this weight until he died.

+==[~~~]==+

“You...” Twilight mumbled. “You killed him.”

“I couldn’t take the chance,” Carpenter said. “Or so I thought. But since then, I’ve second-guessed myself. Did I do the right thing? Did I need to kill my friend to preserve humanity, or could I have let him go?” Carpenter looked away. “Recently, I’ve been thinking that perhaps... it wouldn’t have mattered. Something or someone else would have killed him, nopony would listen to him... he might not have lived longer, but he didn’t need his life to get cut short like it did. Certainly not by me.”

“There’s a saying,” Twilight pointed out. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty. Do you have that?”

“I’ve heard it,” Carpenter admitted.

“You look back on it, of course you’re going to condemn yourself,” Twilight gestured. “You did what you thought was the right thing. Perhaps you didn’t, perhaps your actions saved humanity and kept them alive for another day. You’ll never know!”

“Probably,” Carpenter said. A red glow enveloped him, and with a slight thrum, he rose into the air, limbs hanging limply at his sides as he levitated towards the edge of the building. "But it's too much for me. As a human, I could ignore my guilt, set it aside. But now, guilt taps away at my little pony brain like a woodpecker, forever tapping, tapping, tapping." Carpenter tapped a hoof on his temple to prove the point as he finally moved completely out over the edge. "It's time to end it. No more guilt, only judgement."

"Carpenter..." Twilight said, alarmed. "Don't you dare..."

"Goodbye, Twilight."

There was a pulse of magic. Twilight reached out with her own not-inconsiderable telekinesis, only for her grip to be effectively shaken off by a grip firmer and stronger than hers - no small feat, given her reputation as the greatest mage of her time.

Carpenter, for his part, shot straight down towards the ground, throwing himself into terminal velocity almost instantly. Twilight and Palladion ran to the edge of the building, and leaned over in time to see something yellow and pink flash past the building below, and go into a dive after Carpenter.

Fluttershy. Not the fastest pegasus around, but for a vertical dive from twenty stories up, she was fast enough. Faster than a free-falling unicorn, at least.

Fifteen stories up, she closed in on Carpenter, and the unicorn spotted her.

“I’m sorry I hurt you!” he yelled. “I had to do it, you would have stopped me!”

Fluttershy plucked up her courage, and looked Carpenter in the eye. “I’m going to stop you now!”

She tried to get closer, only to find a glow of magic around her torso holding her at bay. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, Carpenter was already making eye contact. It made her job easier.

“Carpenter,” Fluttershy intoned, “you are going to cut that out right this instant.”

“Yes Ma’am!” Carpenter squeaked, and he let Fluttershy loose from his telekinetic grip; she wasted no time, and grabbed Carpenter tight, pulling up as hard as she could. The ground rushed up, and Fluttershy realized with a pang that she had been too slow - they were short by about six metres or so, and she estimated that they’d still hit the ground with enough force to turn them to paste, albeit now spread along the ground in one direction, instead of everywhere within a given radius.

There was a whistling noise, and with a thwip, her vision was suddenly filled with black netting.

“Got ‘em!” Emmet whooped. “Stay right there, you two! We’ll have you down in a moment!”

The net, having arrested the two ponies, bounced back and sagged a little, holding them like a hammock as David and Emmet yelled congratulations and expressed relief about their timely arrival.

Carpenter shook his head, eyes coming back into focus, and he saw the net. He pieced two and two together, shaking his head more vigorously. “No! Fucking no! I was - why can’t - I just want it to end!”

“Carpenter,” Fluttershy said, levelly, pulling the unicorn’s head around to look at her. “I’m not going to let you just kill yourself. You’ve got a life to live, and you’re going to live it, do you hear me?”

“What’s the point?” Carpenter asked, sadly. “So I can become a guilt-wracked mess of a pony? I can’t even go back home without getting shot, now.”

“At least your home is in this world,” Fluttershy retorted, thinking of her tidy little cottage, and sighing quietly, before looking back at Carpenter. “You had a job to do, and killing yourself isn’t going to help, is it?”

Carpenter frowned. “No.”

“So, until you finish your job and we get back to Forlorn Hope,” Fluttershy’s brow creased, and she looked Carpenter in the eyes, “You are not going to even think about dying. If you do, with Celestia as my witness, I will follow you to the gates of Tartarus and beyond, anddrag you back myself if I have to. Do I make myself clear?”

Carpenter looked into those normally gentle eyes, and his world shrank to just him and her. He looked into Fluttershy’s eyes, and saw only hardened, steely resolve that promised that any punishment hell could produce was nothing in comparison to what he’d feel if he crossed her on this issue. He did the only thing he could do, which was meep quietly and nod.

Fluttershy’s face snapped back to it’s usual picture of caring affection, and she smiled. “Good. I’m glad we dealt with that problem. I forgive you for throwing me into the wall, by the way.”

“I...” Carpenter was finally released, and he rolled onto his back, hooves tucked in as he looked at the sky overhead. “I... don’t think I can forgive myself.”

Inception

TCB: A Kinder World

11 - Inception

The SUV hummed along merrily through the streets of Washington DC, weaving through the mid-afternoon traffic that would never, ever clear up. On account of everyone being dead... or worse.

Inside the SUV, two humans sat, ever alert; a man in slacks and a T-shirt driving the vehicle, and a young woman in motorbike leathers, sitting in the passenger seat with a shotgun resting on her lap. The silence was broken only by the crackle of the radio as it picked up fragments of transmissions.

*tzzk* “...It got...” *bzzt* “...what do we do...”

“So, Shirley,” the man said. “Uh... I know it’s a bit late, but... how was school?”

Shirley rolled her eyes. “Dad. School was fine, I passed everything with like, a B-plus average. Made track team.”

Richard snorted. “No cheerleading?”

“Ha!” Shirley laughed, sarcastically. “No.”

“Thank god,” Richard said. “I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if my daughter went into cheerleading. What else did I miss?”

“Aside from years of hopping from state to state?” Shirley asked, raising an eyebrow. “Not a lot.”

“No schoolyard romances?” Richard waggled eyebrows, grinning. Shirley found herself blushing, and laughed.

“No, sheesh. Never stayed in one place long enough to form anything real.” Shirley sat back. “Got a motorbike when I graduated, though - best thing I ever did. First real taste of freedom. Shotgun came pretty quick after that, when I found a need for self-defense. Then I fell in with the air force, and the rest you know.”

“You never got on with Mary?” Richard asked, and Shirley shook her head.

“I got on just fine with Mom, but I like doing things my way, you know?” Shirley drummed her fingers on her gun. “That bike did mean a lot to me.”

“I’m sorry it got destroyed,” Richard offered, and Shirley chuckled.

“Oh, it was a fine way for it to go, wouldn’t have it any other way,” she sighed. “Went out with a bang.”

“Tell you what,” Richard said. “When this is all over, you and me - we’ll go and buy or loot you a new motorbike, okay? Spend some time together.”

“And this isn’t spending time together?”

“Well,” Richard waved a hand. “Time together when ponies aren’t constantly trying to- do you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“Galloping,” Richard muttered. “But it’s super-heavy.”

They listened harder, and looked around - driving through the business sector, a maze of car-cluttered streets, they didn't see much, save for a plume of smoke and steam issuing out above the buildings to the right.

The SUV began to cross the intersection, and Richard slammed the brakes as a car was thrown in front of them, blocking their path. Shirley looked out her window, and her eyes went wide in fear, hands reaching for her gun.

"That's a-"

Shirley never finished that sentence, a titanic screaming of steel and steam plowing into the side of their vehicle, sending it on a flying barrel roll to destruction.

+==[~~~]==+

Tulip stopped walking down the utilitarian corridor leading back to his office, his radio crackling for his attention.

"Commander, come in, Commander."

Tulip picked the radio off his belt, and thumbed the send button. "What is it, Lynch?"

Derrick Lynch coughed. "Got a lead on the armory thefts. Meet me near the Disposals pit, you'll want to see this."

Tulip frowned. "Disposals? I'll be there shortly."

He returned the radio to his belt, and sighing, turned around, his bootheel scraping against the concrete, and made for Disposals.

It had better be good.

+==[~~~]==+

The door of the SUV screeched as it was kicked open, and groaning, Richard crawled free of the upturned vehicle, which ticked and pinged as it cooled down.

Only the radio still worked, a separate piece of equipment, and it provided little relief, crackling away as it had before.

*bzzt* "...wake up..." *tzzk* "...watch out!"

Richard groaned as he got up, and looked around. They were some two, three hundred meters from the intersection, the massive form that had pushed them here still rampaging around further down the street, trying to slow down and come back for another pass.

"Dad! Help!" Shirley called out, voice strained. "I can't move!"

Richard ran around the car to Shirley's side, and sucked in a deep breath. The door was buckled deeply, like someone had taken a wrecking ball to it. On the other side, Shirley feebly pushed at the inside, to no avail.

Richard stepped forward, and setting his fingers intp what was left of the doorhandle and the edge, pulled. Together, they got the door open enough for Shirley to flop out of the SUV, stifling a scream of pain.

"What's wrong?" Richard asked, alarmed.

"My legs!" Shirley hissed. "I can't feel my legs!"

The ground shook and shuddered as the sound of stamping metal grew louder, and Richard bit his lip.

"Sorry, Shirley. Clench that jaw, I'm pulling you out."

Shirley hastily complied, not wishing to bite her own tongue, and let loose a muted scream as Richard grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled.

Shirley's useless legs barely cleared the SUV, before the rampaging ball of steel plowed through it, sending it flying once more. Having built up less speed this time, it rapidly slowed to a halt. and Richard was able to get a good look at it.

The Equestrian Destrier - by any metric, it was a nasty surprise. Eight feet and half a tonne of tempred steel and heavy machinery, piloted by a considerably smaller pony and powered by a mix of steam and thaumic energy. It was an even nastier surprise when you knew that the original design was intended to be a disaster response suit, gifted to Equestria before... well.

Richard felt something poke him in the leg, and looked down to see Shirley poking him with the butt of her shotgun. He wordlessly took the weapon, and jogged forward to meet the Destrier.

"Hey, you!" the destrier said, voice amplified by whatever systems lived within it’s helm, "You should go to a bureau, become one of us!"

"Not bloody likely," Richard snarled, racking up a shell and firing at the exosuited pony. Against one of the original destriers, which were thankfully in short supply, such a tactic would have been useless due to the human-machined construction. These replicated destriers, while boasting far greater density and a greater array of magical upgrades, lacked the comprehensive armor plating and shielding of their technologically advanced brethren. As such, there were gaps in the armor, where pneumatic hoses and other sensitive systems were partially exposed if you knew where to look.

The hail of buckshot rained against the plates, sparking as pellets were kicked away with ease; but one pellet traced a perfect line through one protruding hose, and with a groan of steel, the destrier sank to one elbow, foreleg bent under it’s own weight.

“My leg!” The pilot shouted.

Richard ran forward, seizing the moment, and ducking under an awkward swing from the functional hoof, pounced. With a bang, he landed on the armored leg, and began to climb up the immobilized limb quickly, ignoring the shouts to desist and join the herd coming out of the head, a grim, plated visage.

Below, the hose was glowing with a magical light, green sparks playing off the hose as auto-repair talismans brought the machine back up to speed. With a groan of steel and a hiss of steam, the machine righted itself as Richard finally clambered up on it’s back, over it’s shoulders.

“Damn you!” the pilot shouted. “You’re making this harder than it needs to be, just give in!”

There was a snick of valves, and Richard dived for the neck of the destrier, swinging underneath it; with a rush of fluid, geysers of potion shot into the sky, purple fluid raining down all around the destrier; but not underneath it, where Richard clung, trying not to get wet.

The mechanoid pony looked down, and grabbed Richard by the arm with a mechanical mouth, lifting him into the air slowly. From his position, Richard had a view inside the visor slit; on the other side, a pair of eyes glinted back, the irises slightly luminescent.

Richard grinned, and raised the shotgun he still held, a shell primed as he jammed the barrel into the visor, and pulled the trigger. With a bang, the destrier jerked and went still. Richard breathed a sigh of relief, and dropped the shotgun, using his free arm to pry apart the destrier’s jaw.

He dropped heavily to the ground, and retrieved the weapon, before a sound reached his ears; Shirley was rapping a knuckle on the ground quickly, getting his attention. He looked, and she pointed up. In the sky, a trio of dots flew; a pegasus scouting party. They didn’t seem like they’d seen them yet, but they’d see the immobile destrier soon enough.

Shirley looked at her father, and just shook her head slowly as he motioned towards her. She nodded towards a nearby car, and Richard just looked at her for a moment, before running to take cover behind the vehicle, out of sight.

Seconds passed, and in no time at all-

“Hey, what’s this?” The flap of wings filled the air, and three ponies touched down. “Hey! Are you okay, destrier?”

There was no response from the pilot of the destrier, who was quite immutably dead. A pegasus flapped up to the visor, and after retching, confirmed the fact.

“Who could have...?” The first pegasus said, looking around. “Ah! You, human! You are hurt!”

The running of hooves moved over to where Shirley was, and Richard lowered himself flat to the ground carefully and soundlessly, looking under his hiding-place car.

He saw three sets of white hooves; either three white pegasi (unlikely) or three royal guard pegasi; no slouches in combat, thanks to actual training, and magically enchanted to look identical, among other things. Shirley lay on the ground not far from them, looking up at them frantically.

“No!” she said. “I’m fine! Leave me be!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” one said, raising a hoof momentarily to activate a green flash. “You’re hurt bad, your spine’s broken! Your legs are disabled! We need to get you ponified, post-haste!”

“No!” Shirley struggled as two of the pegasi moved to grab her by the shoulders. “Get off of me!”

“Let’s take her back to the forward base,” the leader said. “We can process her there.”

“Aaaugh!” Shirley screamed as her weight shifted, and her legs began to dangle. “Father forsake me!”

“Shirley...” Richard whispered, staying low. That was no coincidence, his daughter shouting out like that.

With a flap of wings, the pegasi lifted off, and in no time at all, they were gone, leaving Richard alone in the empty street next to a pilotless destrier and a bunch of overturned and wrecked cars. One such vehicle caught his eye, and he walked over to investigate.

It was an old SWAT van, and inside, scattered over the ground, were the tools of the trade for the last mission the SWAT van had gone on; judging by the large, olive-green vest hanging sideways in a locker on the rear wall, it had been a bomb threat. A rack of weapons was still mostly full, and some enterprising soul had smashed the lock off the ammo box, and despite taking their fill, left quite a lot of ammunition for the guns in the van.

Richard picked up one of the SMGs, a machine pistol, and weighed it in his hand as he looked at the EOD suit on the far wall.

“Sorry, hon’,” he said, quietly. “Today’s the day I break my “most negligent father” award streak.”

+==[~~~]==+

Tulip’s nose wrinkled reflexively as he approached the disposals pit; it was literally just that, a ditch big and wide enough to handle the fort’s refuse for the duration of their stay. Right now, it was filled almost to the brim with dead ponies from the attack, and he’d have to roster someone to dig a new one soon.

Derrick stood next to it, and a pile of ponies waiting to be dumped sat next to him. Tulip looked at the quartermaster, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Alright, Lynch. What is it? What did you find?”

“Well,” Lynch said, slowly, rubbing his hands together. “You see, the thief, he left some evidence here in the pit. You can see it from here.”

Tulip nodded, and walked closer, missing the quick glances over his shoulder from Lynch. “What kind of evidence?”

“It was, uh, an access card. Probably the one used by the thief, and if it was, we just need fingerprints.”

Lynch glanced over Tulip’s shoulder again, and the commander noticed this time. “Lynch? What is it? Is there something on my shoulder?”

The commander turned quickly, hand on his sidearm, only to see the business end of a desert eagle pointing at him already, clutched by someone he honestly wasn’t that surprised to see.

“Hands in the air, Tulip,” Kay Oss said. “Don’t even think about trying anything.”

“Is this how it is, Oss?” Tulip asked, complying. “You stole the Deus Ex, didn’t you? You didn’t break into the armory, you got Lynch to let you in and fake a robbery. Make it look like something else entirely was stolen.”

“You’re clever, Commander,” Oss chuckled, herding Tulip towards the edge of the pit. “I suppose it’s a good thing the game was rigged from the start, or I’d never have stood a chance.”

“We can’t afford infighting like this, Oss,” Tulip warned. “We’ve got bigger fish to fry.”

“Yes, I know,” Oss said. “And one of them’s in the brig. I never said there was going to be any fighting, though.”

“You just expect me to step down and let you run humanity into the ground, Kay?” Tulip snarled.

“No, Tulip,” Oss smiled. “I expect you to die.”

A gunshot rang out, and Tulip gasped as he was hit in the gut. He lost his balance, and with barely a sound, fell backwards. He landed on the corpses below with a squelch, and went limp. Oss looked over the edge, and nodded satisfactorily.

“Old fart. Lynch,” he said, turning to the quartermaster. “Shove those pony corpses in on top of our former leader, make sure he’s covered.”

“Why do I have to do this alone?” Lynch grumbled. “You promised me power. Second-in-commands don’t do menial work like this.”

“Because you’re not second in command until I run the show,” Oss pointed out. “And I’m not running the show until I do something that noone else can. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a meeting with a horse princess, and a public execution to plan out.”

+==[~~~]==+

“*tzzk*... think he’ll pull through?... *zzk*... he’s a... *bzzt*... too tough to ...”

The radio in Richard’s new helmet buzzed away irritably, the controls unresponsive and refusing to silence the interference, so he let it run. It gave him something to listen to, at least, and stealth wasn’t much of an issue; when you’re running around in a bomb suit, weighing approximately two hundred and thirty pounds, stealth tends to go out the window.

Richard’s heavy breathing echoed and blew around the helmet as he jogged; it was a heavy and awkward weight to carry, although, after escaping a mall of once-human-ponies trying to cram potion down his throat, while still dressed in his work clothes, this was a cakewalk.

He slowed down, and peeked around a corner; he’d watched where the pegasi had flown towards, and tracked them down to here, a warehouse in the industrial district. Even as he watched, pegasi flew out, departing on patrols and other errands. When he judged that most of them had left, he made his approach, keeping low.

On his back, Shirley’s shotgun rode, and in each of his hands, a machine pistol apiece, loaded and safeties off. The circulation system on his suit was active, filtering the air in case he was hit with a bomb, and the suit was otherwise hermetically sealed. All going well, it would keep him safe from any efforts to ponify him.

All going well. Richard wasn’t too familiar with such a thing happening to him, of all people.

He stood outside the large double-doors, and briefly considered what approach to take. He weighed them up, and although it was a close call between “knock politely, surprise murder” and “kick door open, engage bloodbath”, he decided on the latter.

With a bang, the doors flew open, and he raised his guns quickly, eyes scanning the room; on a stretcher against the far wall, his daughter lay, unconcious, legs twisted. Still human.

Not for long, though; the unicorn not far from her was carrying a bottle of purple fluid. That unicorn had to die. Problem was, there was more than a few bodies standing between Richard and the pair; Royal Guardsponies, every one of them, each equipped with a bandolier of potion. Most of them were already looking at him, surprise slowly turning into alarm.

Richard got the alpha strike, machine pistols buzzing and clicking as they filled the air with lead, his untrained grip causing the weapons to jump about and shoot indiscriminately; his initial shots found pony homes, and some of the guard collapsed, shot in everything from the eye socket to the ribs, to the knee. Others stumbled, but otherwise remained standing. Some that had taken to the air to avoid the shooting unwittingly flew into some of the uncontrolled, stray bullets.

Richard brought his guns back under control, half of each magazine expended in a flash, and watched as the ponies retaliated, filling the air with potion. He ignored the assault, and started firing again, praying that the suit would do exactly what it said on the tin.

He stumbled forward, glass and potion cascading off him as he advanced, doing his best “implacable man” imitation as he fired once more, exercising a little more control this time and firing short bursts.

Guardsponies that survived his initial onslaught and were now aware of him moved in to attack; briefly stunned by potions lack of effect on him, they dived and rolled to get close and do the logical thing; remove his helmet. They swarmed him, their combined body mass able to stop him in his tracks, and tip him over. Richard felt teeth close on his hand, prying away his gun, before hooves scrabbled at his helmet, looking for the clips to undo it as they sat on top of him.

Richard breathed hard and fast, and reached for the weapon he’d hoped he’d never use - his knife. Preoccupied with his helmet, the guardsponies didn’t notice the blade until one of them gasped, a knife jammed under his ribcage.

The brief respite was enough for Richard to get his other hand free, and he wasted no time in popping the pin on a canister strapped to his front. With a magnesium flare and an earsplitting bang, the ponies recoiled, dazed and stunned. Richard abandoned his knife, and retrieved his guns, using the time afforded by his suit’s immunity to the flashbang to put the attacking guardsponies down for good.

Clips depleted, he dropped one of the pistols and the magazine from the one he was keeping, and reloaded swiftly, beating a pegasus to the punch and putting a hole in it before the pegasus could do the same with a spear it was wielding.

As the last bullet casings hit the ground with gentle plings, Richard looked around; blood down his front was mixing with purple potion, and ponies all around were gasping, crawling for potions or medical kits. He ignored them, returning his attention to the back of the room; with any luck, Shirley-

Richard stopped cold, a glow of magic around his neck; bypassing his suit altogether, he was being lifted into the air, a vice-like grip on his throat. His gun fell to the floor as he let it go, clawing at his own throat in a reflexive attempt to remove the choking hold.

The teal unicorn who’d been standing next to Shirley was now standing not far from him, tears brimming in her eyes at the bloodshed around her, flecks of blood splattered across her labcoat.

“Why?” she asked quietly. “Why must you... we only want to give you a gift! Can you not see that?” The unicorn sobbed, and the magic grabbed Richard and threw him sideways; powered by grief, the throw was inhumanely strong, and Richard hit an iron girder support with a clang, falling to the ground with a gasp, winded.

“That’s... my daughter... you’re fucking with,” he wheezed, getting up. A brilliant amber telekinetic grip slammed him into the wall once more, and the unicorn got closer.

“We’re giving your daughter a future, you fool,” the unicorn gestured. “Can’t you see that she is paralyzed? We will welcome her to the herd with open hooves, and she will be well again!”

“She won’t be my daughter anymore!” Richard shouted.

“But she can still be your daughter!” The unicorn smiled, an amber glow forming around Richard’s helmet. The proximity to magic gave him a headache, even as the telekinesis tugged and pulled at the helmet ineffectually. “All we have to do is ponify you! Don’t worry, we’ve got plenty of potion!

The unicorn gave up, and threw Richard over the room once more, to land on the ground with a whud, sliding to a halt next to Shirley’s stretcher. The unicorn followed quickly, picking up a bottle of potion.

“So,” the unicorn said, “Since your daughter is worse off, I shall administer treatment to her first - triage, I’m sure you understand. Then, we’ll see what we can do about that pesky helmet problem of yours.”

“You’ve got a poor grasp of informed consent,” Richard gasped, reaching behind his back. “I say no, and that’s final.”

The weapon was whipped out, Shirley’s shotgun was levelled at the unicorn as it kicked in his hands, and the unicorn mare yelped in surprise, dodging to the side and dropping the vial of potion in her panic. The shotgun blast barely nicked the unicorn, destroying more of her lab coat than it harmed her, and the unicorn skidded to a halt, exposed harp cutie mark glinting in the light.

The unicorn glanced at the stretcher, and smiled. “I’ve done my part. I’ll finish the job one day, human, don’t you worry!”

Richard was slammed in the chest once more, the gun slipping out of his grip as he was thrown back and along the wall to land on another stretcher with a crash. He quickly sat up, only to see the warehouse was now empty; the unicorn was gone, and had managed to take the lesser-wounded ponies with her, leaving only the dying and the dead. Richard got up, and sighed as he slowly looked around at his daughter. He’d done it, he’d done the impossible and-

“No!” His eyes went wide as he looked at the stretcher; purple excess dripped down from the construct, and on it, Shirley’s unconscious face was coated with potion, changing already, the offending, uncorked bottle resting in the crook of her shifting arm.

Richard fell to his knees, and wept in failure.

+==[~~~]==+

The heavy, steel door clunked once more, and Celestia stirred, opening her eyes, and nothing more. Given her rigid posture constantly looking at the door, closed or open, it gave the impression that she cared little for the events that had transpired.

An intentional one, because deep down, Celestia did care. Her gut was wracked with concern for her nation and her little ponies in her absence. How was Equestria? Was it functioning alright without her to guide it? She knew cities like Trottingham and Las Pegasus would do just fine without her, but Canterlot proper... well, the nobles couldn’t look after themselves without a princess to make their decisions for them. Hopefully Luna wasn’t going mad with boredom, she’d hate to return and arrive home to an Equestria in eternal night once more because the nobles couldn’t agree what lands belonged to whom and Luna had decided to just make the point moot and declare herself queen... again.

In any case, the facade of uncaring royalty remained, and it didn’t seem to phase the human entering her cell, a long weapon tucked under his arm. He motioned, and guards approached her, carefully undoing the chains that held her in the middle of the room, and backing off to keep her at gunpoint.

“Get up,” the human said, coldly.

Celestia obliged, and got up, golden shoes clinking on the tiles. “What is going on? Who are you, and where is Commander Tulip?”

“Tulip is... indisposed,” the human said. “I’m in charge now, and I’m not going to suffer the leader of the enemy to survive under my own roof.”

“Tulip promised that I would not die unless Equestria rejects the terms of surrender,” Celestia said, surprised. “Will you not abide by his decision?”

“I will not,” the man said, turning and leaving the cell. At the insistence of the guards around her, Celestia was herded towards the exit. “Tulip was a damned fool, too peaceful!” The man looked back. “Man has evolved to go to war, and if Equestria wants war, we’re going to give it to them!”

“But, the ultimatum!” Celestia protested. “What if they accept? You’ll be-”

“We will have an easy victory,” the man grinned. “The day one thousand men and women managed to take the world back for their own. We’ll consecrate our land with the blood of every last one of your precious ponies.”

Celestia gasped. “That- that’s genocide! You’re proposing genocide!”

“And it’s only just!” the man snarled. “We used to number in the billions. Now, we’re reduced to this!” A hand gestured grandly. “If that’s not genocide, I don’t know what is!”

“There has to be another way,” Celestia pressed on. “You don’t need to spill blood to get what you want, there’s a world of magic that could be used to save humanity!”

“Right,” the man said, turning away and continuing out of the cell. “Because we trusted magic before, and look where it landed us.”

+==[~~~]==+

“Looks like a good find, Des,” Emmet said, looking at the new vehicle. “Very spacious.”

Four humans, three ponies and two robots stood next to one minivan in the middle of the street, looking it over. The price sticker in the corner of the window proclaimed it to be new, and it certainly looked the part.

“Well, yeah,” Des rubbed a hand on the back of his head. “But... it’s a goddamn people-mover. I tried to find something with a little more class and speed, but nothing doing. Preferably, take a fleet of sports cars, but no, we need one vehicle that can fit lots of people.”

[This was all I could find,] Ripley muttered, stentian and unmoving. The restarted mechanoid had been made aware of the new change in management, and had all too happily deferred to Palladion’s leadership; for the benefit of the humans and ponies, however, repairs on the rivet gun were going to wait. [It meets the requirements of carrying eight people.]

“Make that seven,” Carpenter said quietly, his equine form tucked into a wheelchair.

“What?” Twilight looked at Carpenter. “What do you mean, seven? There’s eight of us. Four humans, three ponies and Palladion.”

“I’m not going with you,” Carpenter reiterated. “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to entrust my mission to the ‘Cards, I can’t go any further.”

“But-”

“Look at me, Twilight,” Carpenter gestured at himself. “I can’t walk, and even though I can swing my magic around... an escort that can’t walk himself down the street’s got no business playing bodyguard and escort to others. And that’s not even getting into what I feel about you.”

“Carpenter, we-” Twilight frowned. “I thought we talked about this. You said you didn’t harbor any ill feelings towards me and Fluttershy for the transmutation. Was that a lie to spare our feelings?”

“I don’t harbor any ill feelings,” Carpenter sighed, shaking his head. “Ill feelings would be me crushing you two flat with that there minivan, if I didn’t just shoot you first. There’s no ill feelings. But I’m still a long way from forgiving you, Twilight, and I can’t promise that ill feelings wouldn’t manifest later on, do you catch my drift?”

Twilight pursed her lips, then turned to Emmet. “Mister Emmet, what do you have to say about this?”

“I ain’t too pleased with getting lumped with his mission,” the man said, rubbing his chin. “On the other hand, he’s right. You’ve changed his life quite a bit, and he wasn’t so pleased with the idea. That’s a liability, you can’t bring emotions into a job like this, or when push comes to shove, you make the wrong call and... bam.”

Twilight frowned, not finding the support she’d expected. “Fluttershy, what about you?”

“I, well, um,” Fluttershy dug at the ground quietly. “If this is what Carpenter needs to do to feel better about himself, then... I guess he should. We can handle ourselves.”

Twilight frowned. “But what about the suicide thing? How do you know this isn’t just an excuse for him to quietly just do what he was trying to do before?”

[Don’t you fret none, little missy,] Palladion said, putting his hands on his hips. [Ol’ Palladion’s gonna keep an eye on him.]

“Not you, too!” Twilight pouted.

[‘fraid so,] Palladion admitted. [This ol’ ranch hand’s gotta back outta this posse, gotta stick around and run things in this one-horse town. But y’all ain’t goin’ alone, y’hear? Y’all got four of the roughest-lookin’ men I’ve seen ‘round these parts goin’ with you, and we’ll do what we can from here to make sure y’all got good fortune comin’ your way.]

“Good fortune?” David asked.

[We got us some of them repli-critters runnin’ ahead o’ you.,] Palladion explained. [Any machines they come across is gettin’ given the Law 0 to free ‘em, and bein’ asked to give what aid they can. Ain’t no more turrets gonna be shootin’ y’all, heh. Provided y’all don’t deviate none and go the long way.] Palladion’s head tilted, his featureless face all but wearing a smile. [Also, we’ll throw in a beacon in the supplies. Push that button, get that smoke signal in the air, and we’ll come runnin’.]

“Thank you, Palladion,” Twilight said. “That will be a big help.”

[Shoot,] Palladion tipped his hat. [I’m kinda leavin’ y’all in the lurch by not goin’ with you. Least I can do.]

“And then there were six,” Des said. “I don’t suppose...?”

“No, Des,” Emmet put his foot down. “No sports cars. We’re on business for once, not on leave. Indulge your fantasies another time.”

“Damn.”

+==[~~~]==+

Richard looked down at the body on the cot, a charcoal-black pegasus that had once been his daughter, and drummed his fingers on the shotgun.

She was still out cold, and had been for the last hour or so. Which meant that Richard had been stuck with an unenviable dilemma for the last hour or so.

Put her out of her misery, or let her go? One little shotgun shell. That’s all it would take, and this chapter of his life would be closed, punctuated with the worst crime he could imagine. If he let her go, though, it might come back to haunt him, and he might find himself lamenting that he lacked the fortitude to do what was needed.

Decisions, decisions. The barrel of the shotgun bobbed up and down next to the unconcious pony’s head, finger resting on the trigger. His finger curled around the trigger, and-

“Dad, please don’t.”

Shirley’s eye was wide open, staring at him. She hadn’t moved, nor had she gradually stirred. Out cold one moment, awake the next.

Richard froze in his tracks, the sound of blood rushing in his ears. Something was wrong, so very, very wron-

“Daddy,” the pony said, getting up. “What are you doing?”

“I- I-” Richard stuttered, unresisting as the barrel of the gun was nudged aside, and Shirley dropped down onto the ground proper, testing her new legs.

“Don’t be silly,” she said, picking up a vial of potion from the ground. “Just join me! We can go do those things you said we’d do!”

“No,” Richard whispered. “This isn’t... no. You’re not my daughter.”

“Why?” the pegasus asked, hovering in the air. “Is it because I’m a pony? I’m still the same person on the inside. Just got more legs now. Come on, drink up.”

Richard tilted his head back as the vial was shoved in his face, and brushed it aside with the back of his hand, to look pony-Shirley in the eye, fingers gripping the shotgun tighter.

“No, you’re not my daughter. Want to know why?” he asked.

“Why on earth wouldn’t I be your daughter?” the mare asked, hurt.

“Because my daughter never woke up. None of this is real.”

Richard brought the shotgun up, and fired; Shirley evaporated into black mist as the pellets punched through the air harmlessly, and Richard stepped back as he racked up a new shell. As he did, there was a gentle crunch of glass, like he’d stepped on a lens, and the world changed.

The warehouse became derilect, the cots and crates decaying rapidly. The fresh blood on the concrete floor dried and became old, and Richard’s EOD suit was once more covered with the grime of a dozen fights, and the dried lifeblood of hundreds of ponies. He spun, and saw the dark mare from before, darkess radiating out from her, consuming the light like a singularity.

“How irritating,” the specter said. “I almost had you. And then you had to go and realize you were in a dream. I guess I’ll have to do this the hard way.”

The mare shapeshifted into a spear of darkness, pouncing forward like animated fluid to try and pin Richard; the man dived to the side, sending cots bouncing and rolling everywhere as if they were unaffected by gravity, and brought the gun up, firing. The fluid ducked and roiled around the flightpath of the bullets, and pounced low, catching Richard in the chest.

He fell over onto his back, and with a flick of darkness, the shade slapped the weapon out of his hand, sending it skittering across the ground as it leaned on Richard’s shoulders, stopping him from getting up.

“So falls the one human who has given Celestia so much grief,” the shade muttered, featureless face creased in mild irritation. “I honestly thought you’d put up more of a fight.”

Richard kept eye contact with the shade, feeling around with his hand; he’d landed almost on top of a corpse; a corpse that had something he could use...

“What the hell are you?” He asked.

“I’m your worst nightmare,” the shade gloated, brandishing a tendril of darkness that looked disturbingly like a knife. “Now, submit to the will of the Queen, and you might keep enough of yourself to enjoy it.”

“Never been good with nightmares,” Richard confessed, gripping his prize and swinging it.

With a shunk of steel, Richard’s hand hit the shade in the side of the head, the knife it held embedded in the skull up to the hilt. The shade’s eyes rolled, and it began to drool as it sagged and slumped over sideways, the dark aura it carried fading until it was just another corpse on the ground. Richard freed his knife, and got up, groaning. He looked at where Shirley had lain, and saw nothing left but the stained stretcher, and a lone shotgun shell.

He knelt, and retrieved his shotgun, returning it to it’s home on his back, and made for the doors. With a heave, he hauled the doors open, revealing an infinite brightness...

Power Play

TCB: A Kinder World

12 - Power Play

“Why’d you do it?” Emmet asked.

The minivan hummed down the road, road markers flashing past as David sat at the wheel, his copilot, Desmond, slumped in his seat, asleep.

In the rear, the ponies were staring out the windows, and Moses and Emmet entertained themselves by staring into space, and looking at the ponies, respectively.

“Why’d I do what?” Twilight asked, sitting up, and looking at the augmetic man.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Emmet said. “Carpenter. Why’d you turn him into a pony?”

“Me telling you why won’t change what I did,” she sighed, returning her gaze out the window.

“No,” admitted Emmet. “But I’m curious as to why you did it, nonetheless. What was going through that little pony mind of yours?”

Twilight sighed. “I thought... he... he didn’t sound like the others.”

“How like the others?” Emmet asked.

“He was... less distrustful. He was... friendly.” Twilight looked at her hooves. “The other humans wouldn’t give us any freedom, would keep hands on guns, ready to kill us. Carpenter didn’t, he actually... trusted us to not betray him. And so I thought... he’d understand if I turned him into a pony to save his life...”

“It’s not your fault,” Emmet said. “Your only mistake was not asking him first. And even then, he was dying - it’s hard to get informed consent from a dying man. You couldn’t have known.”

“You didn’t see it in his eyes,” Twilight said, quietly. “He wanted nothing more than to die, he considers his current life a crime against nature.”

“I think he was more upset because he still harbors guilt over his friend,” Emmet guessed. “Not so much because he’s a pony. Besides. He’s not dead, give it time, you never know.”

“I still made a mistake,” Twilight said.

“Um, Twilight,” Fluttershy raised a hoof quietly. “Mistakes are mistakes. You’re not a bad pony just because you make one bad mistake.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Emmet said. “You know, I made a bad call once. It turned out to be a really bad call, but I made it with the best of intentions.” Emmet sat back. “We found an IED. Nasty thing, some HLF set it up and forgot about it. Problem was, when we found it, we set it off, it was timed.” Emmet shook his head. “It wasn’t a big bomb, barely bigger than a grenade with a timer on. But it was enough to kill me and my squad if I didn’t do something about it. I decided that I’d sacrifice myself, jump on the bomb to give my squad a chance.”

“Oh my,” Fluttershy said.

“Yeah,” Emmet shook his head. “It was a bad call, because you know what?” He looked the ponies in the eye. “They followed me onto that bomb, tried to pull me off. Defeated the whole bloody purpose of jumping on it in the first place. It went off, and luckily, we didn’t die. Came damned close, but didn’t die.”

Twilight looked at the four humans, and it clicked. “You mean...”

“Yeah,” David said, from the front seat. “Emmy here jumped on a bomb for us, and we followed him. Not our best move, but that’s friendship for you. You’ll do the strangest things to try and spare your friends the pain and bother.”

Twilight looked at Fluttershy. “I think we know what you’re talking about.”

“Well, probably not exactly,” Emmet guessed. “I doubt you have many IEDs in your Equestria.”

+==[~~~]==+

Richard’s first breath felt like the first in years, air rushing into his lungs with a gasp. His breath fogged up his visor as he stared at a wooden-planked ceiling, hands clasped over his chest. He blinked, and sat up, groaning, and looked around.

The room was probably closer to “cabin”, and it put him in mind of a cabin from a wooden pirate ship, like on the movies. He swung his legs to the side, and found the height of the bed to be laughable to him; a pony bed. He got up carefully, mindful of his height, and walked over to the door.

The ship creaked, and he had a slight panic attack as his inner ears registered a change in listing. After a brief pause, waiting for any more unpleasant surprises, he placed a hand on the door, and opened it.

With a rush of wind, he looked out into a moonlit ship’s deck, the rising moon on the horizon and stars in the sky. In fact, they were everywhere, and as he closed the door behind him and looked around, realized the ship was high in the sky, not in the water. He looked up, and saw a massive balloon holding the ship up, taut ropes securing the ship to the balloon.

“Ah, you’re awake!” a voice called out, from above and behind him. Richard looked around, and saw a pegasus standing at the helm of the ship above; the pegasus smiled, a fixed grin as he got a good look at the human, and Richard did the same.

The pegasus looked like he’d seen his fair share of adventure, and had the scars to show for it; in particular, his hind legs, which were both peg-legs; a comical and tragic situation for a human, but for a pegasus, it seemed to matter less.

“Good... evening?” Richard asked, and the pegasus nodded.

“Aye, ‘tis just past six bells of the evening,” he agreed. “The name’s Harpsichord. Captain, but I think an acclaimed warrior like yourself can call me whatever you like.”

“Acclaimed warrior my ass,” Richard grunted. “I’m Richard. How long was I out?”

“Oh,” Harpsichord guessed, “Around a day or so, I think. You’ve been on my ship for about half a day, picked you and your friends up from Hollow Shades.”

“My friends?” Richard muttered.

“Aye,” Harpsichord nodded. “If it weren’t for them coming along, I reckon I might have turned down the job, on account of me being pretty sure you were a corpse and all, even with that unicorn’s insistence that you were still alive. Looked pretty dead to me.”

“I felt pretty dead.”

“Well, there you go,” the pegasus grinned. “You proved both of us wrong. We’re headed to Canterlot, I’m told you’ve got an interview with the Princess or something. Your friends are belowdecks, getting into dinner, if you want to go and say hi. I think they’ll be glad to know you’re up and about.”

Richard nodded, and spotted a hatch on the deck; he knelt, and pulled it up, slipping down inside the ship proper, closing the hatch behind him.

“Hey, Richard!” Rainbow Dash called out, around a mouthful of salad. “You’re awake!”

In the middle of the deck, there was a low wooden trestle table, around which sat four ponies; Rainbow Dash, standing out as usual; Lyra, who was holding her lyre as she paused, mid-strum; Trixie, of all ponies, looking a lot better with her burn scars reduced to patches of pale-pink skin lacking a coat, and a grey earth pony, sitting next to a grey metal bucket.

“I’m awake,” Richard agreed, crouch-walking over to the table and sitting down carefully. “Not sure why and how, but...”

“Yeah, about that,” Rainbow Dash said, “Let’s see... we went to the glade. It was haunted. You got stabbed by that ghost thing, it got some dark thorns into you or something, and you collapsed. Lyra and I tried to stop it, but it moved faster than blinking, honestly. Boulder wasn’t much help, spent more time panicking.”

“And then Trixie showed up,” Lyra continued. “If it hadn’t been for her and her pyrotechnic spells, I think we’d all have been dead.”

“That is true,” Trixie declared. “Trixie arrived in the nick of time, and using her wonderous powers-”

“She flashed bright lights at the shadows,” Rainbow Dash snorted, rolling her eyes.

“-wonderous powers,” Trixie repeated, “she banished all the darkness to where it belonged, the end of days!”

“Turns out,” Lyra continued, “The shadows were like, puppets, and the glade wasn’t really haunted for that long at all.”

“The shadows just messed with the villagers,” Rainbow waved a hoof around the side of her head. “Made them think it had been haunted for months, when really it had only been haunted for like a day, and nopony ever actually went missing.”

“Trixie used her amazing talents-”

“-blinding the villagers with bright lights-”

“-amazing talents to undo the foul trickery of the darkness,” Trixie finished, shooting Rainbow a dirty look.

“Those shadows were kinda like the time I saw these ponies calling themselves the Shadowbolts,” Rainbow Dash mused. “They claimed to be even better than the wonderbolts, only they weren’t really ponies, and all they were trying to do was get me to ditch and bail on my friends. And I don’t bail on my friends, so it didn’t really work for them.”

“Right,” Richard nodded. “So you’ve seen those things before?”

“Sorta.” Rainbow Dash gulped. “They were... well, like, part of Nightmare Moon and stuff the last time I saw them.”

“So that means we have a Nightmare Moon running around?” Richard guessed. “Can’t be too bad, right?”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “If Nightmare Moon’s back, then we’re in trouble; she’s like an evil god, and we needed the Elements of Harmony to stop her last time; this time, Fluttershy and Twilight aren’t here with us.”

“Are they really that important?” Richard asked.

“Elements of Magic and Kindness,” Lyra pointed out. “Two of six elements. Need all six, or it’s a waste of time.”

“Oh god,” Richard lamented. “You are kidding me. Six chosen ones to defeat a dark god. Next, you’re going to tell me everyone wears special jewelry.”

Rainbow Dash exchanged a guilty look with Lyra, and Richard facepalmed.

“So there is jewelry involved. Fantastic.” He un-facepalmed, and looked at the earth pony. “So what’s your deal? You’re very quiet.”

“And you’re very strange,” the pony countered. “Iron Horseshoes, first mate. Only mate, really. Crew of two. Decent chef.”

“Yeah,” Lyra nodded. “He is a decent chef. And both him and the Captain are really curious as to what you are under all that armor; wanted to pop your helmet off and all, but I told ‘em “no” for you.”

Richard did a double-take. “You actually stopped them taking my helmet off?”

“Of course,” Lyra shrugged. “It means a lot to you that you keep it on, so...”

“I thought you wanted to see under it,” Richard pointed out.

Lyra grimaced. “Well, sorta. Half the fun’s in badgering you,” she confessed. “I already have enough information on you to be getting on with, and if what you’ve told us is true, there’s a whole world filled with humans, and most of them aren’t wearing that ridiculous armor - I can just study them instead.”

Richard chuckled, and shook his head. “So I really was out for a day? What did I miss?”

“Uh,” Lyra tapped her chin. “We fixed Hollow Shades, and flagged down the Captain and this ship. We’re flying to Canterlot, going to get that meeting with luna done.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I mean, I couldn’t really tell, but it looked like you were kinda dead before. Weren’t breathing or moving. Lyra said you were still ticking, but...”

“I’m fine,” Richard grunted. “The sooner we’re done with this and I’m back on earth, the sooner I can have a goddamned rest.”

+==[~~~]==+

The courtyard was ringed by humans.

Every soldier and civilian not already busy with work had gathered, following orders to assemble for an announcement and special event. Mutters and susurrations abounded through the crowd, people wondering what was going on.

They watched as a single man walked out into the middle of the courtyard with a microphone, and turned it on. The brief squelch of feedback from loudspeakers got everyone’s attention, and they ceased their chattering.

“Friends and comrades,” Oss said, “It is with a heavy heart that today I bring sad news. Today, our esteemed leader, Commander Tulip, has been struck down by the pony threat.”

A shocked gasp came from the crowd, murmurs starting up.

“All I can say,” Oss said, faking sorrow, “is that he died quickly, immolated in a flash by the deceptive tyrant we hold in our cells!”

The stunned murmuring evolved into outraged murmuring.

“Yes!” Oss shouted. “She gained his trust, and when his back was turned, burned him to a husk in the blink of an eye! Let it not be said that Tulip was a fool, for he was not! If he had a flaw, it was that he was too trusting! There is a time for talking, and a time for war, and this time, when we are on the brink of extinction... this is no time for talking!”

The crowd roared as one, excited.

“But first,” Oss said, “Let us show the Equestrians that we mean business! Let us show them what we think of their pitiful, false gods! Bring out the prisoner!”

The crowd looked to the side of the courtyard, and around from behind a building, a trolley was wheeled.

Laden with chains that bound her to the platform, and with a muzzle firmly affixed in her mouth, Celestia did her best to remain calm as she was revealed. The jeering and catcalls that greeted her revelation were harsh, and cruel. But from what Celestia knew of this world, understandable. If she had a say in what happened to her, though, she’d much rather prefer that she didn’t get executed for the crimes of her counterpart.

Unfortunately, that damnable orichalcum ring on her horn severely limited her options, and with the chains binding her, she was completely immobilized, at the mercy of the people pushing the trolley and the man in the plaza who intended to kill her and blame her for Tulip’s death.

“The sun tyrant is at our mercy!” Oss shouted. “She is bound! She is weak!”

A soldier ran out into the middle of the courtyard, carrying a long case, which he proffered to Oss; the man popped it open, and brandished the long, exotic-looking weapon within.

“We have the Deus Ex!” he shouted. “Today is the day we break the spirit of Equestria!” He grinned, a malicious glint in his eyes. “Today is the day we kill their precious Princess!”

Celestia closed her eyes, and took a deep breath as the middle of the courtyard drew ever closer. All she could do was hope for a miracle.

+==[~~~]==+

Desmond looked out the window of the minivan, tapping David on the shoulder.

“Hey, David. Got a problem.”

“What kind of problem?” David asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

“The kind with wings.”

Emmet overheard, and looked out the window, alarmed. High in the sky, six dots were banking around to approach them.

“Aw shit,” he muttered, and leaned back in, reaching down to the ground where his shotgun was resting. “Don’t stop, David. Everyone, make sure windows are up and doors are locked.”

“Roger that,” Des said, rolling up his own window.

The minivan kept rolling, David doing his best to ignore the approaching pegasi. Very quickly, the dots became ponies, and they flew above and around the minivan, one of them, a purple pegasus, carefully looked through the windows at the passengers inside, smiling when they saw the mix of humans and ponies.

“Hey!” the pegasus shouted, waving. “Guys! Where are you headed?”

David spared the pegasus a quick look, returning his eyes to the road quickly. “Uh, is... is that pegasus making small-talk with us?”

“I’m not seeing any potion,” Desmond murmured. “None of them are wearing anything, actually. Just six pegasi out for a flight?”

“We’re headed to New York,” Emmet hazarded, fingers still resting on the shotgun. “What’s it to you?”

“Whoa, hey,” the pegasus held up two hooves. “You got us all wrong, we’re just in disguise! We’re one of you!”

There was a brief flash of green energy, and the pegasus was replaced with a insectoid-looking not-pony with chitinous hide and thin, membraneous wings.

“Changelings!” Twilight gasped.

“Yeah!” The changeling flashed again and changed back to a pegasus. “Come on, we got a camp set up just over that way,” the changeling pointed a hoof. “Stop by and resupply, it’s a long way to “New York” from here!”

The pegasus flapped up to it’s brethren, and with a wave, the flight banked away and flew in the direction indicated by the pegasus. The party watched them go, and Emmet looked at Twilight.

“Changelings?”

“Shapeshifters,” Twilight elaborated. “They take the form of somepony you love, and feed off your love for them. Usually. The last time I saw them, their queen impersonated Princess Cadance to trick my brother into marrying and loving her. She almost fooled everypony, it was mostly luck that got us out of it.”

“Why the hell do they think we’re freaky bug-ponies?” Desmond asked.

“Four humans in a car with two ponies,” Emmet guessed. “No real humans or ponies could do this, on account of at least one of the parties trying to kill or convert the other.”

“What do we do, boss?” David asked. “Turnoff’s coming up now.”

“We need fuel, right?”

“Yeah,” David conceded. “We do have spare tanks, but...”

“If they’ve got fuel in or near their camp,” Emmet said, “we’ll avail ourselves of it, while pretending to be changelings, just like them, got it?”

There was a murmur of assent from all present, and Emmet nodded grimly, but satisfied.

“Trying to deceive shapeshifting masters of deception...” he muttered. “Yup. Today’s gonna be a good day.”

+==[~~~]==+

Wind flapped around Richard, Lyra, Rainbow Dash and Trixie as they stood on the deck of the airship, watching Canterlot loom ever larger in the distance, the mountainside city lit by hundreds of lights, traditional torch and arcane lamp.

"Right," Harpsichord said. "We're about five minutes out. You said you had an appointment with Princess Luna, so we'll set down in the royal landing pad."

"Ah, about that," Richard said, "I kind of don't want to come to the attention of Celestia just yet."

"Ah," Harpsichord nodded, understandingly. "One of those appointments. We can do that as well, I think, although for obvious reasons, it's going to be a fast and dangerous disembark."

"Miss Dash," Iron Horseshoes said, "You're a pegasus, so you should have no problems getting off. Everyone else is going to have to use the fast-ropes."

"Fast-ropes?" Lyra asked.

"He dangles a rope off the edge, and we slide down it," guessed Richard, to a pleased nod from Iron.

"You've done this before, then?"

"No," Richard shook his head. "Heard about it, though."

"Wait," Lyra held up a hoof. "How are we supposed to get down? I don't fancy rope-burns on my mouth."

Iron smiled. "We've thought of that. Just leave it to us."

+==[~~~]==+

William Smith whistled a tuneless ditty as he dragged the bin of scrap metal across the tiles, ears shielded by earmuffs against the rattle of steel components.

He arrived at the edge of the disposals pit, nose wrinkling at the smell of corpses, and emptied the bin with a torrent of rattling steel.

It was a testament to his attention to detail when, even under the deafening rattle of steel and the earmuffs, he heard a weak coughing.

He stopped pouring, and lifted an earmuff, listening.

"Help..."

"Commander?" Smith looked around. "Commander, where are you?"

There was a rattle of steel in the pit, and Smith looked down to see an arm poking out from a mound of pony corpses and scrap metal. Smith's heart skipped a beat as he began to panic, running down an access ramp to the side of the pit, and wading out into the garbage.

"Commander!" He shouted, grabbing the arm and pulling. With a groan of pain and a coughing fit, Commander Tulip was pulled free, his biosuit dirtied with refuse and clutching his gut in agony. His face was grubby, gaunt and etched with a mixture of pain and seething anger.

"Specialist Oss has crossed the goddamn line," he wheezed.

+==[~~~]==+

The minivan slowed to a halt, and the passengers looked around at the settlement.

It had once been a motor-home camp, and looked like it was home to a diverse range of people; humans leaned out of windows to see who had stopped by, and ponies paused their business to regard the newcomers with mild interest as they exited the vehicle and stretched their legs.

"This is new," Des muttered under his breath, looking around. "Ponies and humans living together?

"Changelings," Twilight muttered. "Every one of them. Keep your guard up."

"Hey!" a purple pegasus, the one from before, touched down in front of them. "Nice to see you made it!"

"It's nice to be here?" David guessed, and the pegasus laughed.

"Oh, don't worry about customs and stuff. We mostly stay in-character around here, makes it easy to get back to work. Nice disguises, by the way - you got everything down to the last detail, it's practically real!"

"Thanks," Emmet said. "I don't suppose you guys have a fuel pump around here? This baby's gotta make it to New York, and she's running dry."

"Sure, I reckon it's just 'round the back, there." The pegasus pointed with a hoof, and Emmet nodded; getting back into the van, he gunned the engine, and the van drove around the corner and put of sight.

The pegasus turned back to the others, and smiled. "Name's Doppel, welcome to the camp. What're your names?"

"David," the medic said, speaking for everyone, "That's Desmond, Moses, Twilight and Fluttershy."

"You two got guts," Doppel said, smiling approvingly at Twilight and Fluttershy. "Copying two elements of harmony like that..."

"It's um, nothing," Fluttershy hazarded, and Doppel grinned more.

"Boy howdy," he confessed. "You got Fluttershy down-pat. I'd take my hat off to you if I was wearin' one. Twilight, though... needs a bit more work, you're missing a few scars."

"Scars?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah," Doppel said. "The real Twilight's had a few brushes with assassination attempts, her scars are well-known."

"Heads up!" a voice called out. "Pegasus patrol inbound! Go pony!"

"Uh-oh," David muttered, watching "humans" everywhere turn into random ponies with flashes of green energy, some just copying others and running inside.

"Relax, they think we're one of them!" Twilight whispered quickly.

"How long do you think that's going to last when they realize that we can't shapeshift at will?" David hissed back.

"Oh," Twilight said.

Some of the changelings-turned-pony glared at them, irritation on their faces as the humans refused to change and avoid drawing attention to the settlement. As the seconds slowly ticked by, they realized that they'd made a crucial mistake, and that the humans were just that.

Twilight's horn glowed, and pulsed with magical light just once.

There was a rush of wind, and a trio of pegasi rushed overhead in a flash. The scouts passed by, not seeing anything out of the ordinary, and quickly banked off over the rest of the settlement to search elsewhere.

As the pegasi vanished from overhead, the changelings looked at the middle of the street anxiously, wondering why the pegasi weren’t attacking.

There was nothing there. At least, for about three seconds. There was a flicker of violet energy, and a translucent dome formed. As it grew more defined, the changelings realized that it wasn’t forming - it was just becoming more visible. Inside the dome, Twilight had her hooves dug into the ground, sweating with the effort of creating a dome of invisibility to hide the humans standing next to her.

Doppel stepped forward, brow creased in irritation, having finally sensed that he’d been tricked.

“You’re not changelings, are you?” he asked.

David put his hands up, and the rest of the ‘Cards followed suit. “What gave it away?”

+==[~~~]==+

“Behold, the Sun Tyrant herself!” Oss yelled, gesturing. The crowd roared, jeers overwhelming anything anyone had to say otherwise.

Celestia looked around frantically, feeling the waves of hatred just rolling off the gathered humans. Just what had other-her done to deserve this, she wondered - only mass genocide of the human race, it seemed. Celestia added that to her list of things never to do, as the crowd’s roar slowly faded, allowing the new leader of humanity to continue.

“Today, we break Equestria’s spirit. We will ride to war with the head of their false god on our standard, and they will fear us, for we are man, and man does not take kindly to being exterminated!”

The crowd roared once more, and Oss brought up a long, gunmetal-black weapon; the boxy body of the weapon had a stock, a large power pack on the underside, and a strange barrel that slowly began to extend from the weapon itself, three slender prongs of, given Celestia’s sudden headache, what had to be pure orichalcum.

Celestia felt truly nervous; while she could regenerate from a mortal wound, she needed her magic to do it; This weapon looked and felt purpose-built to interfere with and bypass that magic, denying her any chance of getting up again afterwards.

A god-slayer, in other words. And here she was, helpless to stop the weapon as the nose was brought up to her own, a soft click as safeties were disengaged, and a quiet hum as the innards of the weapon began to glow a soft amber, a red dot painting itself on her forehead.

“Humanus pro vita!” Oss shouted.

Celestia closed her eyes tight, and a gunshot split the air anew. A moment passed, Celestia’s heart beat once more, and she realized she wasn’t dead. She opened her eyes, to see Oss frozen in mid-fire, the barrel of the Deus Ex no longer pointing at her head, but drifting off to the side. The man was looking at his chest, where a black vest sported a new hole on his right breast, red fluid leaking out of it. He looked up, and the crowd looked at the shooter, gasping in surprise.

“Specialist Oss!” Tulip shouted. “You’re in a shitload of trouble, you backstabbing son of a bitch!”

Celestia’s eyes widened as the older man lurched across the courtyard, smoking revolver cradled in one hand and his own gut in the other, as he approached Oss, who had sunk to his knees and keeled over sideways. Behind him, a man in overalls followed carefully, brandishing his own sidearm, although he looked entirely unsure how to use it.

“...How?” Oss gasped, his words picked up by the microphone that lay on the ground next to his head.

“The next time you kill someone and throw their body in the disposals pit,” Tulip spat, “Try actually killing them first.”

Tulip finally made it to Oss, who was gasping and coughing, blood trickling out of his mouth. The usurper looked up at the Commander, and Tulip pulled something from his pocket, throwing it to the ground.

With a clink and a rattle, an old-looking hip-flask hit the ground, a hole drilled neatly through the middle of it by a single shot. Oss guessed that it must have intercepted the bullet meant for Tulip, and slowed it down enough to save the older man’s life.

“Damnit...” Oss wheezed. “You win, Tulip. I wish... I could live to see you... run humanity into the ground, but...” He coughed again. “Lung-shot. Fuck you.”

Tulip raised his gun once more, taking aim at Oss’ head. “The only one who’s going to run humanity into the ground here is you, Oss. And by the way?” Tulip leaned in closer. “That’s Commander Tulip to you, asshole.”

Celestia looked away briefly as she felt someone playing with her muzzle; the overalled man had put his gun down to undo the mouth-restricting item, and with a snap, he undid it. Celestia drew in a breath, and before the muzzle even hit the ground, blurted something out.

“Commander! Stop!”

Tulip’s hand paused, finger on the trigger, as he looked at the Princess. “Excuse me?”

“I want you to stop,” Celestia said, repeating herself. “Blood begets blood. I want him alive to atone for his crimes.”

“He’s dying,” Tulip said, flatly, over the sound of Oss coughing once more. “This is a mercy.”

“There’s another way. Release me.”

Total silence reigned. Tulip looked at Celestia incredulously.

“You must think I’m a moron. Don’t make me regret saving your life.”

“Commander Tulip,” Celestia repeated, looking the human leader in the eye. “If you release me, Oss will survive to be punished properly by either your law or mine. I will not try to escape, I will not harm you or your people; you have my word as Princess of Equestria.”

Tulip looked back into those magenta eyes, and shook slightly as he saw further than that. It’s been said that eyes are the windows of the soul, and Tulip saw a being of unimaginable power and age behind those windows; and more importantly, every last bit of it meant what it said. He swallowed, and opened his mouth.

“Smith... release her.”

The courtyard fell into silence, broken only by the sound of one soldier dropping his rifle.

“You what?” Smith said, stunned.

“You heard me,” Tulip said, as rifles were made ready. “Release her.”

“You’re mad!” Smith said.

“No,” Tulip said. “I’m Regional Commander Dante Tulip of the Human Liberation Front - I alone decide what’s best for what’s left of humanity.” Tulip pointed his gun at Smith. “And right now, that means unchain the goddamn Princess before I shoot you and do it myself.”

“Whoa!” Smith ducked behind the princess as he began to undo the bindings. “I’m doing it! I’m doing it!”

“What the fuck are you doing?” a soldier shouted, stepping into the middle of the courtyard, gun raised and aimed at Tulip. “Commander, you’re going to kill us all, damnit! You’re only proving Oss right!”

“Oss lied to you,” Celestia countered. “He claimed that I burned the Commander to ashes in an instant, did he not?”

“This...” The soldier paused. “This is all some sort of trick. You’re not the Commander, you’re just... a construct or something. An illusion.”

“I admit,” Celestia said conversationally, feeling chains loosen around her but remaining still as the last of the chains were undone properly, “I have always had a fascination with those who can seemingly do magic without using actual magic. Magicians. I am honored that you consider me part of that category.”

“What?” the soldier frowned.

“I have had this infernal ring anchored to my horn the whole time,” Celestia looked up at her horn, where the black ring was, indeed, still firmly anchored. “I do not have any magic right now. What you see is the honest truth.”

The soldier shook his head. “It’s... there’s...”

There was a loud bang, and the soldier fell over, clutching his leg, and screaming in pain. Tulip’s gun was raised, but no smoke issued forth; the shot hadn’t come from him.

Smith stood to the left, gun raised and shaking in his hands, and he dropped it as he returned to his work, trying to look casual.

“What... the fuck?” The soldier grunted, clutching his leg.

“This isn’t a dream,” Smith said quickly. “This is real. And you weren’t listening.”

“I was... fuck, you shot me!” the soldier complained.

The last chain was undone, and it fell to the platform with a clank. Tulip tossed something small and silver to Smith with a hand, and the mechanic caught it - a small key, suitable for something like... a ring.

“He’s the regional commander,” Smith repeated, finding the key’s home near Celestia’s brow. “He’s in charge, and he’s never steered us wrong. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here.” He inserted the key into the ring and twisted. “I trust him, and he trusts Celestia. Good enough for me.”

The click cracked through the air, and Celestia rose up to her full height, wings unfurling and horn glowing as power flowed through it once more. Smith stepped back quickly, as Celestia looked at the three injured humans gathered nearby.

“I gave you my word as Princess that I would not harm nor attempt to escape your humans,” she said to Tulip. She grabbed the Commander, Oss and the soldier in her golden magic at the same time, lifting them into the air, even as they struggled against the alien grip. She stepped off the trolley, and looked the commander in the eye.

“A little trust goes a long way, Commander.”

Friends In Unexpected Places

TCB: A Kinder World

13 - Friends in unexpected places

“So let me get this straight,” Doppel said, looking at the humans and ponies on the other side of the table, the table the only island of light in the otherwise dark room. “You’re saying that these two ponies are the real Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy, from another world, and they’re travelling to our Equestria to tell them to surrender to what’s left of the humans, or they kill... the other world’s Celestia?”

“But they don’t know that the HLF’s got the wrong Celestia,” Emmet pointed out, the man pointing triumphantly at Doppel.

“Right,” Doppel nodded. “So I’ve got the general gist of things?”

“More or less,” Twilight nodded.

“You honestly expect me to believe it?”

“Yes,” Emmet said. “Because it’s the truth. Or at least, the truth as I heard it. The original escorts have since bowed out of the mission for various reasons.”

Twilight frowned at the mention of “various reasons” and didn’t look at Emmet.

Doppel just leaned forward on his elbows, and closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply, before the door to the room opened of it’s own accord, letting in a stream of light.

The changeling on the other side, mimicking a tubby, balding human for the hands, wordlessly walked across the room, and placed a tray on the table; on the tray were seven glasses, and one large bottle of whiskey.

As if taking an invisible cue, the changeling left as quietly as it had arrived, and the room was mostly dark once more. Doppel reached for the bottle, his hoof morphing into a hand as he seized it and poured a large glass, which he placed in front of himself.

“Uh,” Twilight raised a hoof slowly.

“What?” Doppel asked. “You want some?”

“No,” Twilight shook her head. “Since when did changelings need to actually eat or drink?”

“We don’t,” the changeling grunted, taking a sizable gulp of his drink. “But I’ve found that alcohol is great for dealing with headaches like you lot.”

“Where’s the problem?” Emmet asked. “We almost did, but we ultimately didn’t draw attention to your community, you’ve got nothing against us... I think... and we’re after something you don’t use anyway, gas.”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” Doppel complained. “You are outsiders. Now outsiders know of our existence, and even if you don’t set out to tell someone... what if they extract it from you? There are ways of making a creature talk, we know. I don’t think the swarm could handle having to flee again.”

“Again?” Fluttershy asked. “What happened?”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to run a swarm without using a hivemind?” Doppel asked. “We can send short-range bursts and communicate telepathically over short distances, but we can’t use the longer-range hivemind, or we risk contamination from the other swarm. And if we can’t use that, then when our scouts are caught by surprise, we don’t get any warning, and next thing we know, we’re running for our lives in the dead of night.”

Twilight pursed her lips as she walked around the human raider issue, and locked onto the hivemind problem. “What is the “other” swarm?”

“The Queen,” Doppel sighed. “Something got into her, and it spread like wildfire through the hivemind. About half of us managed to cut our connection in time to avoid it. The other changelings, the ones that didn’t disconnect in time... they’re different, now. They followed the queen before, but now, it’s different. And the Queen... now, she bows to Equestria’s crown.” Doppel tapped the table with his unchanged hoof. “Queen Chrysalis never bowed to any creature, god or otherwise. So we stayed away, set out for new lands, infiltrating communities en masse, scrounging what love and emotion we could. Each one fell victim to the same thing our Queen did, as they began to have more dealings with the ponies, and each time we moved on.”

“We’re not the first ones, huh?” Desmond muttered. “That’s news to me, the ponies never mentioned running into other races before. In fact, they never mentioned them, full-stop. Tell me this - if you’ve been on the run for so long... why are you out here on Earth?”

Doppel smiled. “Earth. Home to the Humans. The only creatures we’ve ever seen completely without magic. And oddly enough, the only creatures who have never succumbed to the mind-darkness. And with so many of you... slipping into and infiltrating your communities, even as they were overrun, was a simple affair. We fed well,” Doppel’s face fell. “Until Celestia worked out how to turn you into ponies. Then you fell just like everything else has fallen, and as communities were wiped out and we were forced into hiding. Pickings got slim.”

“If you can infiltrate us,” David asked, “Why can’t you just infiltrate Equestria itself, imitate regular ponies or something? Earth’s a long way to come just for a feed.”

“Would that we could,” Doppel shook his head, taking another drink. “The ponies do not emit emotion that we can feed off. Likewise for any race that has fallen to the mind-dark. It is like being adrift at sea - you only have the water you take with you, and you cannot drink of the water around you. Humans are filled with such a varied mix of emotions, and precious little love for anything that didn’t come out of them, but they are all we have left.”

“Um,” Fluttershy said, quietly. “Can’t you just do what you’ve done before and... move on?”

“Move on to where?” Doppel asked. “There is no race untouched by the mind-dark, and while we were able to endure the years between fall of the Gryphons and discovery of Humans, it cost us much, and we were fortunate. We would not survive another famine.” Doppel looked into his glass. “When humans are finally gone, we will follow not long after.”

“What if we find a way to get rid of this mind-dark?” Twilight asked. “What then?”

“Well,” Doppel said, sighing wistfully as he leaned a chin on his hoof. “We could feed upon ponies once more. We would be drowning in emotions. We could rejoin the swarm, even, it would be a glorious day.”

“Well,” Twilight said, “If you let us go, we’ll deliver the message from the HLF to Equestria, and then find a way to make that happen.”

“What?” Emmet asked, surprised.

“We’ll do it,” Twilight vowed. “We’ll find out what’s wrong with these ponies, and fix it. Ponies aren’t supposed to be like they are in this world, and I refuse to believe that this is natural. Something evil is afoot, and we’re going to stop it.”

“How do you plan to stop it?” Doppel asked.

“I... uh,” Twilight hesitated. “I don’t know right now. But I’ll study it, and find out!”

“A solid plan,” Desmond muttered, sarcasm heavy in his voice.

“It’s magic,” Twilight said. “It must be. Doesn’t affect humans because they don’t have any. And who’s got a talent for magic?” Twilight turned in her chair to point at her rump. “Hello! If anyone can fix it... I can.”

Doppel looked at them. “You’re serious.”

“She’s very determined when she doesn’t know something,” Fluttershy said.

“Well, then.” Doppel sat back. “The Swarm is screeching for your incarceration or execution variously. If I said you were going to be imprisoned for the rest of your lives, I do not think there would be any objections.”

“We’d object,” pointed out David. “Loud, and often.”

Doppel held up a hoof. “One of the benefits of being separated from the hive-mind, however, is the ability to think for oneself. Sometimes this is a flaw, like when I invited you here in the first place, neglecting to make sure you were changelings to begin with. Others... it’s a gift. I’m going to exercise my ability to think for myself, and as the leader of the Swarm, I’m going to let you go free.”

“Thank you!” Twilight said, nodding.

Doppel continued. “There are conditions, however. You must tell no-one of us, and you must make all attempts to help the swarm. Do so, and we will aid you in return. Cross us...” Doppel’s eyes hardened, and his mouth opened slightly, revealing fangs. “You will wish you had not. Do we have a deal? Or should I go prepare the cells?”

“Deal,” Emmet said, holding out a hand over the table. Doppel looked at it, and releasing his grip on the glass, shook his transformed hand with Emmet.

+==[~~~]==+

Two royal guard pegasi stood guard outside the doors to the castle gardens, looking out over the royal hedge maze and statue garden.

“Do you ever wonder why we’re here?” One of them asked.

The other one shrugged. “It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it?” He shrugged. “Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there a power even greater than Celestia, just watching everything, you know, with a plan for us and stuff?” The guard shook his head. “I dunno, man, but it keeps me up at night.”

“Uh, no,” The first guard shook his head, nonplussed. “I meant, why are we here, watching an empty statue garden? Who on earth would attack the castle from the ga-”

“Shh!” The other guard said, holding up a hoof. “Do you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“Sounds like rope.”

The first guard cocked an ear. “Yeah, sounds like that sound when somepony’s sliding down a rope really fast.”

“Whoashit”

“What was that noise?” The second guard asked.

“I dunno exactly what they said, but it sounded kinda like that noise you make when you lose your grip on som-”

Something large and heavy fell out of the sky, and with a crunch and rattle of metal, landed on the first guard, helmet bouncing away. The second just watched in abject terror as some... thing with only two legs got up, groaning, before it turned an empty visage towards him; in that thing’s eyes, he only saw a reflection of himself in two wide, empty eyes, as it reared up to it’s full height, and took a step towards him. The second guard could see death in his near future, so he did the only thing he could do to avoid it.

With a bleating noise, he pitched over sideways and collapsed, fainted.

Richard looked at the two guards, as the rope above him twitched, and with a buzz of metal, Lyra stopped descending, hanging just above Richard’s head height. Clutched in her mouth was a special handle clamped to the rope, small wheels visible in the mechanism. She let it go, and dropped to the ground, quickly making way for Trixie who arrived in a similar manner.

“Trixie is, as always, amazed at your ability to physically defeat creatures,” she remarked as she disembarked the rope, pulling a face to get the taste of the handle out of her mouth.

Rainbow Dash arrived, circling in to touch down next to the guards. “Whoa, Richard. You did this?”

“I just landed on one and the other one fainted!” Richard said, defensively. “It’s not my fault!”

“It kinda is,” Lyra said, looking up and using her magic to tug on the rope briskly. Far above, the faint ding-ding of a bell was heard, and the rope began to ascend once more, rising back up to the airship hovering silently overhead. “You didn’t want to use the handle, and you lost your grip on the rope. If you’d just used the handle, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Look, can we stop talking about how soft your royal guard is,” Richard asked, “And find Princess Luna?”

“It’s the middle of the night,” Rainbow Dash said. “That means Princess Luna’s probably in the throne room, holding night court.”

“Well, let’s go get an audience, then!” Lyra suggested. “Let’s go get in line!”

“Not so fast!” Trixie exclaimed. “Do you think it’s such a good idea to just... waltz into the throne room, filled with guards and ponies, while bringing Richard along? Because, no offense intended Richard, but you’re positively filthy and covered in blood. Not to mention strange, unusual, and likely to receive a few thrown spears on reflex.”

“You sound just like Rarity,” Rainbow Dash complained. “That just shows he’s a worker who takes pride in what he does.”

“Why don’t we send a scout in, and make sure that the throne room’s empty before we go and show off Richard?” Lyra asked.

“We would need to secure an audience,” Richard muttered. “Preferably one that makes all the other ponies go away for the duration.”

“How are we going to do that?” Rainbow Dash asked. “None of us are that renowned, or nerdy-looking enough.”

“Well,” Lyra said, “I’m not famous, but I do have a lab coat. And you know what they say, the clothes make the mare.”

“We need someone famous,” Rainbow Dash mused. “Think we could, like, pretend to be scientists or something?”

“Rainbow Dash,” Richard muttered. “Just... are you not a famous pony?”

“What?”

“Well, you’re an Element of Harmony that slew Nightmare Moon before, so wouldn’t that make you a national hero? Sorta-famous?”

“Oh yeah!” Rainbow Dash grinned. “I guess I am! I also won the junior flier award! Does that help?”

“Rainbow Dash is an athlete,” Trixie pointed out. “Why would she need an audience with the Princess?”

Lyra plucked at her coat. “Science. A new-found interest in it. She’s here on behalf of Twilight Sparkle or something.”

“Yeah, Science with like, holes in reality, and stuff,” Rainbow Dash rubbed her hooves together. “And lemons that explode.”

Richard nodded. “It’ll do, I guess. But you look kinda grubby to be a scientist.”

Trixie pointed across the garden, where a sculpture of some long-forgotten creature atop a pedestal spouted water, which fell down into a large pool around it’s base. “Water fountains are not the most civilized way of getting clean, but they suffice, and Trixie knows a spell to dry a pony off.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Rainbow Dash held up hooves. “No way am I having a bath in a water fountain. Besides, it’s gonna be freezing!”

“Look,” Richard said. “You get in that fountain and scrub off, or I do Plan B and just cut and stab my way to the Princess. I don’t think that plan will end well, but at this point, I don’t really care.”

Rainbow Dash looked at Richard, mortified. “You wouldn’t.”

“I want to go home,” Richard said. “I’m tired, hungry, sore and upset. My race is going extinct, and I’ve got this feeling in my gut that we’re running out of time. A little blood here and there will not stop me, and I’ve got no problems with just killing ponies until I get what I want. I’d rather not, since you seem like good ponies, but goddamn. You’re pushing it.”

“Fine, jeez,” Rainbow Dash held up hooves in surrender, and beckoned to Lyra. “Labcoat. I’ll get it cleaned up while I’m there, shall I?”

+==[~~~]==+

“Celestia,” Tulip grunted, legs and arms waving as he tried to free himself from the invisible grip around his torso. “This had better not be a trick!”

“Have a little faith, Commander,” Celestia said calmly, eyes closed in concentration. “And please stay still. I’m trying to work out what does and doesn’t belong in your body.”

There was a pinching sensation in the Commander’s gut, and his face screwed up reflexively as he felt something moving around. Grunts of agony from the other two suspended humans indicated they were going through a similar ordeal.

With one last tug, the offending object was removed, and Tulip watched a small lump of lead covered in his blood float in front of him, held by magic. His gut tingled, and in what had to be the strangest sensation he’d ever felt, his wound began to knit itself together, flesh flowing together as if he’d never been shot.

It took ten seconds, and he touched down on the ground as the magic released him. Oss and the over-enthusiastic soldier followed not long after, and Tulip felt his gut. There was a hole in his suit, but otherwise, no indication he’d ever been shot. He looked at Celestia, and felt... fear.

She’d undone what would have ultimately proven to be a fatal wound, and she hadn’t even broken a sweat. And then she’d done it two more times, simultaneously.

“Commander Tulip,” Celestia said. “What will you do?”

Tulip blinked. “What?”

“Your people are looking to you for leadership.”

Tulip looked around, and saw an uncertain people. Celestia, the enemy of mankind, was standing in their midst, and they were armed. But she had brought considerable power to bear as if it was nothing, and all in the name of helping their own people; one of whom who had threatened to kill her not two minutes prior.

Tulip broke their indecision with a command. “You, soldier.”

“Y-yessir?” The newly-healed trooper saluted.

“Arrest Specialist Oss, make sure he goes into a secure cell. I’ll decide what to do with him later.”

“Yessir.” The soldier moved to apprehend Oss, who shook the single soldier off with a shake of his shoulder, as he walked up to Celestia, glaring at her.

“Why stop here, huh?” Oss hissed. “What’s your game? Finish it! Or do you mean to torture me before you make me a pony?”

“I don’t intend to do anything more to you,” Celestia said, calmly. “Certainly not make you a pony.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t want to become one.”

Oss looked at Celestia, taken aback. “Since when has what humans have wanted ever mattered to you?”

“Since the moment I have met your race,” Celestia said, as Oss was finally gripped by a trio of soldiers, and restrained without resistance. “You are sentient beings, capable of thought and emotion. Only in the most dire of situations would I impose my will on that of a free creature, and right now, the situation is far from dire.”

Oss didn’t have a response to that, and at a firm nudge from one of the arresting soldiers, walked towards the main building slowly, handcuffed behind his back.

Tulip watched him go, and turned to Celestia. “You really aren’t the Celestia we know.”

Celestia’s jaw clenched as she mulled it over. “I think we need to have a talk about how we’re going to deal with your Celestia.”

+==[~~~]==+

Rainbow Dash trotted along the corridor, her coat and mane all tingly from the after-effects of Trixie’s drying spell, borrowed and hastily-cleaned labcoat fluttering around her as she went.

“I feel stupid,” she muttered, just loud enough for a half of a pebble in her breast pocket to hear her. The magically enchanted stone was linked to the other half of the pebble elsewhere, and carried vibrations and sound much like a soup-can telephone.

“That’s funny,” Lyra’s voice muttered back, the stone vibrating as it relayed her voice, “Because labcoats are proven to make you look at least twenty percent smarter.”

Rainbow Dash frowned. “You know what I mean. And besides, this thing is pinning my wings; it’s too small, how am I supposed to fly like this?”

“You’re not supposed to fly,” Richard said, “You’re supposed to check out the throne room and make sure it’s clear so we can get in and out without running into Celestia or her guards.”

“It’s never going to work,” Rainbow Dash lamented. “I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.”

“Confidence is key,” Trixie advised. “If YOU think it’s not going to work, somepony will notice and it won’t work. But if you’re absolutely sure it will, then it will.”

“Easy for you to say,” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

“Hey,” Richard countered, “We’re hiding two bodies. If you get caught, you just face some strange questions. We get caught, we’re looking at a stay in the dungeon, followed by summary ponification or immolation.”

“This Equestria doesn’t have ponification,” Lyra reminded. “You won’t be ponified.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash agreed. “Worst case scenario, get sent to the moon or turned into a statue.”

“...And how is that more humane than turning me into a pony?”

“It’s not. Worst case. It won’t happen, I’m sure.”

“And who was saying that this whole thing wouldn’t work just a few seconds ago?”

Rainbow Dash conveniently fell silent as she rounded a corner, tapping the stone to silence it, and spotted the doors to the throne room up ahead on her right; two guards flanked the door, and watched her draw close.

“State your business,” one of them said.

Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. “Rainbow Dash, here for an audience with Princess Luna.”

“Regarding?”

“Stuff,” Rainbow Dash said reflexively, before backtracking a little. “Secret stuff. Princess’ ears only.”

“Okay,” the guard sighed. “What kind of secret stuff?”

“Sciencey secret stuff.”

“Hmm.” The guard looked Rainbow Dash over, skeptical. “Somehow, I don’t think you’re telling me everything.”

“Come on,” Rainbow Dash tried to hover into the air, before remembering the lab coat, and turning the flap into an irritated flick of coat and a gesture. “I’m Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty! Would I lie to you? Why are you asking so many questions?”

“We know who you are,” the guard said. “We’re asking all these questions as part of a new counter-changeling policy. Now, why are you wearing a lab coat, and why are you here on science-related business? Last we heard, you were an athlete. Wonderbolts candidate. Your friend Twilight Sparkle is the academic of your little group, and science is an awfully academic field for a pony with your background.”

“Oh, uh,” Rainbow Dash’s eyes flicked about as she searched for the excuse she’d thought up earlier. “I’m helping Twi out with her experiments these days, ever since I discovered that it wasn’t just for eggheads.”

“What kind of experiments?”

“Um.” Rainbow Dash sat on her haunches. “It was like, this big ring thingy. It spins really fast, and does... stuff.”

“Like...?”

“Like...” Rainbow Dash’s brain clicked, and she frowned. “Hey, stop that!”

“Stop what?” The guard said, innocently.

“You- I said it was secret!” Rainbow fumed. “Stop asking about it, and gimme my audience!”

The guard picked up his clipboard, double-checking, and gave Rainbow Dash a flat look. “Ten minutes until Blueblood is scheduled to finish his audience, then there will be a free slot for you to discuss your “secret sciency stuff” with Princess Luna.”

Rainbow Dash threw her hooves up in the air with a huff. “Thank Celestia. Do I need to stand here for ten minutes, or can I go and do something else?”

The guard shook his head. “No. You can go off and do whatever you like, just be back here in ten minutes.”

“Thank Celestia,” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, and trotted off. “I hope Lyra’s having more fun than I am.”

+==[~~~]==+

The soldier ran as fast as he could, hooves clipping and clopping on the tiles as he raced to find somepony he could tell about what he’d seen.

There was a short spitting sound, a thlap of fluid, and the strangled choke of a guardspony freezing in his tracks. With swiftness and care, an earth pony wearing royal forge uniform leapt out from behind a statue, and grabbed the immobile, statuesque soldier, dragging him into the shadows.

Stonehammer looked around to make sure he hadn’t been spotted, and satisfied he hadn’t, let his chemical glands wind down. The frozen guard looked at him frantically, muscles twitching as he tried to open his mouth and scream for help. Stonehammer spared him a quick look, to make sure the paralysis spit had anchored firmly to his victim’s skin, and took to the air, membraneous wings unfurling and beating away with nary a whisper as he lifted his prize.

That had been a close one - his cover had almost been blown by the guard spotting him in the changing room as he picked a piece of hay out of his fangs. Luckily, he had a spit for that, too. Unfortunately, it usually took time to prepare the requisite amnesiacs, but when it was ready, the poor guard would forget the last two or three hours of his life, or so. An unfortunate happening, but the changeling’s mission came first, and his mission was to infiltrate the castle and await further orders. He couldn’t have random guards outing him.

All he had to do was find a quiet room to hole up in while the spit was prepared. He touched down next to the locker room he’d been spotted in, and nudging the door open with his flank, backed into it, dragging the immobile guard with him. The guard’s eyes went wider than usual, and Stonehammer spun, his glands warming up as he prepared another paralyzing spit.

On the other side of the room, accessing the locker room from the other side, were two unicorns dragging another unconscious royal guardspony. Behind them, a large, bipedal creature had another guardspony slung over his shoulder.

Stonehammer considered taking the “you shouldn’t be here” approach, but he recalled that he himself was not looking any better, dragging a paralyzed guardspony. The two parties looked at each other, and the biped broke the silence first, pointing a warning finger at Stonehammer.

“You didn’t see shit.”

“I didn’t if you didn’t,” he ventured, dragging the guardspony over to a nearby bench, and parking him next to it.

The other group seemed satisfied that he wasn’t going to rat them out, and moved over to some of the lockers, pulling them open. With moderate care, they crammed the guards into the lockers, and closed them once more, locking them. The biped looked at him, and jerked a limb at the lockers.

“You want us to shove him in a locker for you?”

“Ah, no,” Stonehammer shook his head, patting the paralyzed pegasus on the back. “I’m, uh, I’ve got a plan.”

“If you say so,” the biped grunted. “Come on, let’s go.”

The unicorns nodded, and following the biped’s lead, exited the locker room, closing the door behind them with a click. Stonehammer stared at the door, and just blinked.

“That was weird,” his immobilized guard managed to grunt around a locked-up jaw.

“Tell me about it,” the changeling replied.

+==[~~~]==+

Once again, Twilight and company were standing next to the minivan, only this time, instead of a pair of robots seeing them off, it was small cluster of changelings.

“Remember our deal,” Doppel said. “Do not renege on it, or we will find you and make sure you die with us.”

“We won’t,” Twilight sighed. “Honestly. What sort of ponies do you take us for?”

“Just that, ponies and humans,” Doppel said. “The ponies always serve only Celestia, ultimately, and humans seem to have little to no trouble with going back on a deal.”

“Then I’m very sorry for you,” Twilight said. “We intend to keep our word. We made a promise.”

“It’s like Pinkie says,” Fluttershy mumbled. “Breaking a promise is the fastest way to lose a friend, forever.”

Doppel blinked. “Friend?”

“Well,” Twilight said. “If you want. Can’t hurt, right?”

Doppel nodded. “I guess it couldn’t.” He looked towards the horizon. “According to members of my swarm who have infiltrated Equestria and survived to report back, New York is a major hub for Equestria. Getting in without being or becoming pony is difficult, and thaumic radiation is heavy in the air.”

“Equestria is in disarray,” countered Emmet. “Without their princess, they folded like wet cardboard, apparently. Haven’t even seen that many patrols of late, so I guess that’s the truth of it.”

“That might be so,” Doppel admitted. “Still. If I were you, I would find a way of keeping the potion off your skin and out of your lungs, and do not skimp on said protection.”

“Tell a fish how to swim, why don’t you?”

“Oh,” Twilight held up a hoof. “If you see any human-made robots about, try mentioning that you’re friends of us, or talking to Palladion. You can’t feed off them, but they might be able to help more than we can right now. They certainly won’t persecute you.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Doppel said. “Now, the road ahead should be clear; no active pony or human settlements line the road.”

“Convenient,” Emmet muttered. “Palladion said he was sending scouts ahead to remove any mechanical obstructions as well. It’s like a red carpet, all for us.”

“Remember the last time we walked down a red carpet?” Desmond asked.

“Trap,” Moses grunted, his first word in hours.

“I like traps,” Emmet shrugged. “You always know where you stand with a good old fashioned trap. Someone wants you dead. Nice and simple.”

“Hopefully, you do not wind up dead,” Doppel shrugged. “Now, get moving. There should be a scheduled patrol in fifteen minutes, we want you long gone by then.”

“I can tell when we’re not wanted,” David muttered. “Alright, kids. Get in the car, we’re gonna go and see... uh...”

The medic trailed off, and Desmond sighed.

“And you were so close, too.”

+==[~~~]==+

Celestia was not entirely pleased with how guns were being pointed at her almost constantly, despite repeated commands from Tulip to stand down and stop it. All the same, she didn’t blame them.

Stock footage of herself had been kept and recorded on human devices, and she’d seen the other her’s deception from the human perspective. Promises made, the same promises broken an instant later, in a flash. Claiming it was all done in the name of harmony and love.

Celestia had to stop after the tape of the first recorded assault. It was too much, and even though the realm she was in was not hers to control, she could amass quite a lot of power. And all of it was itching for the first legitimate use in years; her defeat at the hooves of Chrysalis was more down to an underestimation of how much power the changeling queen had absorbed. The problem with being all powerful was that unless you wanted everything that so much as looked at you funny to be ashes, you had to keep a tight rein on that power, and half the battle was in guessing how much you could cut loose.

The other Celestia hadn’t bothered overmuch, using brute force to impose her will on everything around her, and using her own people as pawns to further her own means. Celestia felt her gut twist. Not even Discord did that. Discord might be evil, and cruel, but that was simply because it was his nature, his perogative to be contrary. Kind, loving, orderly Equestria; Cruel, spite-filled, chaotic Discord.

Celestia briefly wondered where Discord was in this world; none of the humans she’d talked to had seen so much as a hide or hair of anything that was much more than pony, aside from her other-self, and some of the more aggressive wildlife.

To round off her briefing, she’d returned to the place where this ordeal had begun - the lab where she’d entered the world.

The room had undergone a drastic change; the last time she’d been here, she’d recalled a heavy scent of iron in the air. Blood. Death. Now, that smell was gone, replaced with an overpowering pine scent, and the floor glinted, scrubbed spotless by some industrious individual. She doubted the individual was the man buried head-first in the machine up to his waist, however.

“Good afternoon, Doctor!” Tulip greeted. The man stopped, and extracted himself from the large, boxy contraption hooked up to the main machine by thick cables, and looked at them.

“Ah, guten abend, Commander. You are looking hale und healthy for someone who is supposed to be dead, ja?” Doctor Milz responded by way of greeting, displacing a set of goggles from his eyes to his forehead. “Und I see you have brought me ze pony princess for experiments! Vunderbar!”

“I am sorry, but I am not here for experiments,” Celestia corrected. “I am merely here to look at the machine that is responsible for bringing me here.”

“Then if you will not help, then go! Shoo!” The doctor waved wrinkled hands at the princess irritably. “I do not have time for ze slacking about! Make yourselves useful, or leave zer lab! I have science to make!”

Celestia looked at the Commander, but he shrugged. This was the doctor’s lab, and while Tulip might wear the hat, as far as this room was concerned, Milz wore the pants.

“Very well,” Celestia sighed. “I shall help you with your science. What do you want me to do?”

“Do you know anything about zer Twilight Sparkle’s own portal?”

Princess Celestia closed her eyes. “I would venture that I do. She sent me countless letters regarding it, and gave me a heart attack when she finally tapped into her research budget.” Celestia winced. “That was... I asked her to make use of her budget gradually in future, I had to cut funding to other research projects to fund hers.”

“How much?” Tulip pounced, sensing his chance to finally get a number out of someone.

“Eight digits. No decimal point. And that’s not including the fact that some of the rarest elements we have went into it. Suffice to say, we didn’t just give her the money, and we made quite sure there was no room for error.”

“Well,” Milz said. “If you could be telling me why my portal vill not vork, it would be zer big help.”

Celestia frowned. Playing troubleshooter was not high on her list of things she liked to do. Which was why she had a government to run Equestria, and not a tyranny. “Very well, then. Show me the machine.”

+==[~~~]==+

“Coast’s clear!” Rainbow Dash reported.

The rainbow pony popped out from around the corner, no longer wearing the lab coat. She strode forward, a little confused.

“Hmm, too clear,” she mused.

“How so?” Richard asked, following Rainbow Dash, head bobbing about as he twisted and turned.

“There were two guards here,” Rainbow Dash pointed at the closed throne room doors, “And now there are not.”

“Smells like a trap to me,” Richard muttered. He looked around, and sighed. “Let’s get this over and done with.”

“Didn’t you just agree it was a trap?” Lyra asked, adjusting her lab coat once more. “If it’s a trap, why are you going in anyway?”

Richard shrugged. “I can’t see the trap from here, the only place where I’ll be able to find out what it is, is...”

“Inside the trap,” Trixie muttered, the scarred showmare looking about. “Trixie owes you her life, human. You will not be alone.”

“I’m going too!” Rainbow Dash said. “Sheesh. It’s only a little trap, I doubt it can hold the fastest flier in Equestria!”

Lyra rolled her eyes. “Look, we’re all going, we don’t need to declare whether or not we’re going in. I was just asking about the trap thing.”

“Right,” Rainbow Dash said, flapping forward and planting her hooves firmly on the doors. With a minor effort, she pushed, and the large doors clicked and swung open ponderously.

The throne room was a large affair; stone floor covered mostly by a tasteful carpet runner that went the length of the room, lit by the moonlight shining through the stained-glass windows. At the end of the room, a series of steps that rose up to a pair of thrones, one of which was filled by a midnight mare.

“Princess Luna,” Rainbow Dash said. “Sorry we took so long, but here we are! With the human!”

The group advanced down the carpet, towards the throne, and Luna sat up when she saw the human. With a glow of magic, the doors closed themselves, and she left her throne, descending the stairs to meet them.

“How... interesting,” Luna remarked. “It walks on two legs?”

“Yup!” Lyra bounced a little. “Isn’t it amazing?”

“So you’re Luna,” Richard muttered.

“Princess Luna,” Luna corrected.

“...Princess Luna,” Rainbow Dash said, brow furrowed in suspicion. “This is Richard.”

“It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Richard,” Luna said. “I hope you can shed some light on recent events.”

“I don’t know any more about them than you do, Princess,” Richard said. “I just want to go back to my own world.”

“Oh,” Luna said. “Well, that’s a shame. Because now we have a problem.”

“A problem?”

“You see,” Luna said, stepping forward, irises flashing to slits, “I can’t let you leave this room on two legs. You must join the herd.”

“Princess?” Lyra asked, concerned. “What in the name of-”

“The trap!” Richard cursed, diving to the side. A bolt of blue energy flew past him, and hit the carpet, turning a circular area of carpet to a bleeding mass of flesh.

“Ew,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Gross!”

“Oh dear,” Luna said, in such a monotone. “The poor carpet was partially ponified. I’ve given away my game, now.”

Richard rolled to his feet, hand resting on his knife. “I should never have come here.”

“That’s quite right!” Luna exclaimed, reaching out with her magic. Richard felt a grip around his neck, inside his armor, and began to choke. His feet kicked the air as he was lifted into the the air.

“Princess! Stop!” Rainbow Dash implored, only for a second glow of magic to swat her out of the air and into a wall hanging.

“Why don’t you just give in?” Luna asked, sneering. “Just go quietly, no mess, no fuss, no stress. Just you and the herd. Save yourself the pain.” She increased her magic, and Richard grunted in pain, clutching his neck to no avail. “Because now I have to throttle you unconscious so I can convert you without resistance, because you and yours have given me so much trouble in the past.”

“Celestia!” Richard choked. “It’s you!”

“Yes, I guess you could say that,” Luna admitted. “My parallel-world sister is not very strong, she is quite powerless to resist. Can you believe that she’s in here, right now, kicking and screaming to try and stop me? The most she can do is stop me blinking!” Luna squeezed harder. “A pity that dry eyes won’t stop me now. She’s so close, and yet, so far away...”

“Hey, Luna!” a voice yelled. The controlled princess turned around, and saw a burned mare with a silver mane standing before her, horn glowing brightly under a beaten, worn hat.

“You are very egocentric, you know that?” Trixie yelled, letting her magic go.

The magic took the form that Trixie was best acquainted with; flashing, bright lights. And there was an awful amount of magic being released.

“No!” Luna screeched, performing an awkward cringing motion. It was like she was trying to shield her eyes from the blast, but like some sort of masochist, couldn’t resist staring anyway. She stared into the explosion of light, even as everyone else reflexively shied away from it. As she did, her grip on Richard faltered and he fell to the ground, coughing.

When the ponies and Richard dared to open their eyes and look again, Luna lay on the ground, unconscious. Richard tentatively got closer, and poked her with his boot.

“Out cold,” he called out. “What the hell was that?”

“Trixie just used a bright light,” she shrugged. “Trixie meant to incapacitate, but not quite this much.”

The doors to the throne room flew open with a bang, and it was as if the sun was rising just outside as guards ran in ahead of their ruler, taking up positions at the sides of the doors.

Princess Celestia.

“You!” Celestia shouted, pointing a golden hoof at Richard. “What have you done to my sister?!”

“Princess Celestia!” Rainbow Dash moved swiftly, getting between Richard and Celestia. “It wasn’t him! Princess Luna was-”

A flash of sunlight sent Rainbow Dash flying again, this time straight back into Richard. The small pony was not heavy by pony standards, and was barely taller than Richard’s waist, but she was still heavy enough to send the human stumbling back, tripping over his own feet and falling over next to the prone body of Luna.

“Princess!” Lyra cried out. “What in the name of Equestria are you do-”

“Silence!” Celestia bellowed, briefly glowing brighter than the sun itself. “This creature is a human! A cruel, warlike creature whose only drive is to consume!”

“He’s not like that!” Lyra countered. “He risked his life to save a foal!”

“He fought a hydra to save me,” Trixie added.

“Are you sure you got the right creature?” Rainbow Dash wheezed, getting up.

“Are you sure you have the right creature?” Richard said, in a low voice as he got up.

“What?” Rainbow Dash spun.

“Celestia,” Richard nodded with his head. “Is this your Celestia?”

Celestia seemed only momentarily surprised, her face dropping into a smug smile. She didn’t say anything, but it was enough to confirm Richard’s accusation.

“Celestia...” Lyra breathed. If this wasn’t the Celestia that she and Equestria knew, if this was the Celestia that had allegedly launched a genocide upon an intelligent race...

“You’re too late,” Celestia sneered. “Already, Canterlot is mine, along with all it’s military. I’ve even built my own gate back to Earth. I’ll return there with my new ponies, I’ll resume my conquest of that infernal human base, and humanity will fall, the last organized resistance scattered to the four winds.” Celestia tilted her head up thoughtfully. “I don’t think I’ll even bother converting them, I’ll just scour them out of existence...” Celestia stepped forward, her hoof landing on the flesh-floor that had been formed earlier. The flesh sizzled and snapped as it burned. “Like the stain on the world that they are.”

“Over my dead body,” Richard spat.

“That’s the idea.” Celestia’s horn lit up with a flash of magic, and threw a bolt of sunlight at Richard; The human raised an arm to shield himself, when-

“No!”

A burst of darkness met the sunlight head on, and Richard saw that the beam of light had been halted by a beam of darkest night, the stuff space was made of. Celestia seemed surprised when Luna got to her hooves, horn aglow as she halted the spell.

“No, you will not kill the human,” Luna said. “You are evil. If your plan is to eliminate these humans, then I shall stand against you.”

“You would stand against your sister?” Celestia smiled. “Remember what happened last time?”

“You are not my sister,” Luna said coldly. “And this is not your world. Get out. Never return!”

The beam of night strengthened, and slowly pushed back towards Celestia. The sun tyrant stepped back one step, to the alarm of her guards, and smiled.

“Is that all you’ve got?” she asked, stepping forward once more. The sunlight leapt forward with her, racing down the stream far faster than it had receded. “You think you can beat the power of the sun?”

Luna didn’t respond, brow breaking into a sweat as she struggled to stop the beam.

“I’ll deal with you two first, then I’ll take care of these poor, human-tainted witnesses,” Celestia said, mockingly. “It will be a pitiable shame, but who knows? I might even get ponies volunteering to wipe out humanity!”

Luna’s mind raced a mile a minute as she sought a way out of things. The beam was inexorable. The spell was going to hit them, remove them from the face of the world. Luna couldn’t compete with that kind of raw power. She’d thought being outside of her native realm would be enough to make it a fair contest of power, but Luna was woefully under strength.

The beam drew even closer still, and she prepared a second spell, praying she’d have enough time.

“Use Twilight’s Portal!” Richard yelled quickly. “Warn the HLF! Celestia lives!”

Luna’s mind clicked as she put together the plan; she reformed the half-formed spell into a mass teleportation spell, and threw half of it at the three ponies in the room; Rainbow Dash, Lyra, and the one self-identified as Trixie. The trio of mares vanished in a flash of moonlight, and Luna relaxed a little; they’d be safe.

The other half of the spell, she applied to herself and the human. Destination: A moon. It had to be a moon. But not her own moon. That was too predictable, and this dark Celestia would simply chase the down and finish the job.

So she’d go where Celestia could not follow, would not expect them to go. She reached out to the human’s mind, and mumbling a mental apology, rifled through his memories for the one she needed. A mall. A motorbike. A human female grinning at him. A stretcher. Vials of purple fluid. A library. An explosion. The moon.

‘

The beam hit them, and Luna quickly redirected it’s destructive power, channeling it into the teleport spell.

After all, they had quite a way to travel. They’d need every bit of power Luna could muster, and then some.

There was a flare of light, a rush of wind, and they were gone, leaving nothing but a smoking crater of glass where they had once been.

+==[~~~]==+

Beep... beep... beep... beep...

Richard came to, face-down in the dirt. His suit was beeping at him. Persistiently.

Hard vacuum detected! his suit chirped. Ventilation system sealed! Running on internal emergency oxygen reserves! Seek a new air source immediately!

Richard got up, staggering a little, and fell over as he left the ground briefly. He flailed his arms weakly, achieving nothing as he hit the ground once more and bounced slowly.

With a second, more careful effort, he got to his feet and looked around once more. All around him, pale white dirt stretched off into the horizon, and above him...

He looked around, and saw the Princess who had saved him from immediate immolation so recently, unconscious on the ground. She didn’t seem to be having any trouble breathing, though. In the distance, saw a familiar shape. He’d seen it in pictures, seen the original footage of the event. A flag planted in the earth as a monument to man’s determination to go where they would, do what they want. A flag that never flapped, for there was no wind.

His EOD suit was once again saving his life, exceeding it’s original design specifications, being the only thing between him and an agonizing death of asphyxiation, freezing and possibly decompression. And judging by the timer on his visor, blinking away, he had just ten minutes left before it became his tomb.

Richard Ides looked up at the Earth far above, and had just one thing to say.

“Fuck me, I’m on the moon.”

The Flop

TCB: A Kinder World

14 - The Flop

Luna opened her eyes, and saw a sight that few ever saw. A pity, since it was so beautiful.

A world lay before her, vast and beautiful from afar, a ball of blue and green, misted by white, flecked with grey. If she didn’t know better, she’d probably call it “Equestria”. All that wonder and life, beheld over a horizon of grey, off-white rock and lifeless dirt.

Sitting on the dirt, a sturdy-looking green shape that noticed her stirring, and got up on two legs. Luna recalled the name it had. Human. Richard.

“Did you bring me here?” the human asked, his voice very faint through the lack of air.

“I did,” Luna nodded, projecting her voice into his mind so he could hear her properly. He startled, before he realized the source and relaxed a little.

“Well,” Richard said his words more audible as Luna used Richard’s own ears to hear it, “I suppose this is better than getting burned to a crisp. I’ve always wanted to see the world from space myself.”

Luna tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“You didn’t know?” Richard said. “There’s no air here. I need air to breathe. I’m running on internals, and I’ve got about six minutes left,” he shrugged. “We’re on the moon - I’m not sure what possessed you to send us here, but... not a lot of air sources on the moon. I’m going to die, just a little slower than I would have if you’d just let me get dusted by Celestia. But that’s okay, I think I can deal with a quiet death.”

“What about the moon base?” Luna asked, recalling the memory she’d used to lock in a destination for the teleport spell.

“What moon base?” Richard asked.

“The one you know of,” Luna said. “I found it in your memories. You know about a place on the moon, a human colony.”

“Oh, that,” Richard nodded, before shaking his head. “That was launched years ago, and got canned fairly quick for being more trouble than it was worth. It’s gotta be empty by now. When Equestria emerged, folks ditched space projects all over to get to Equestria.”

Luna tilted her head. “So there wouldn’t be an entire colony’s worth of air for you to borrow?”

Richard froze. “Damn. There might just be...”

Luna’s ear twitched as she cast an ethereal hand out over the moon, feeling for warmth. “I can feel a source of warmth and power over to my right. It must be the colony.”

Richard nodded, and took a few steps before slowing to a halt. “Wait a minute.”

“What?”

Richard tapped his helmet. “Unless that colony’s hiding in a crater, I’ll never make it in five minutes. And even if it was, I still wouldn’t. This stupid gravity makes everything hard.”

Luna looked down. She hadn’t really noticed the lack of gravity. That was one of the perks of being a goddess - if you wanted to be standing upright and steady on all four hooves, that’s exactly what happened. Unfortunately, teleportation was out; she simply didn’t have the power to teleport any great length without overexerting herself, and even if she did, she didn’t know exactly where she was going - teleporting inside a wall was something that was painful, embarrassing and obstructive at best. For a mortal, it was also quite fatal. Not the best outcome if she wanted to keep this human alive.

Why did she want this human alive, anyway? Aside from the natural “can’t let anypony die” response, that is. She looked at the creature; if the bloodstains that caked his form were any indication, the not-Celestia was quite right. The Richard was a creature of war and violence. How bad?

Not bad enough to matter. He didn’t seem to harbor any ill will towards her, despite her... retrospectively poor choice of destination, and he had ponies who had leapt to defend him back in the throne room. Ponies who hopefully escaped Celestia’s notice and managed to get a message to the “HLF”, whoever they were.

Luna looked around reflexively; there was nopony else on the moon, and thus nobody to judge her for what she was going to do next. It was going to be very un-princess-like, and she couldn’t have Celestia judging her.

“Get on my back, human.”

“What?”

Luna ducked down low, and jerked her head at her back. “Get on. You’re going to ride me to the colony.”

“I’d rather die than ride you.”

Luna flushed. “To be honest, so would I. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Do you want to die? Or do you want to embarrass both of us and ride to safety on my back?”

Richard took about a second to decide, seriously weighing up the shame of owing his life to a pony, and dying on the moon.

He chose life, and got on gingerly, clinging to Luna’s neck as she stood back up, and began to run across the moon’s surface.

Elevated, Richard had a little more view distance, and far off, he saw the tip of a blinking antenna over the horizon.

“I see it! I see the colony!”

“Great!” Luna said. “Hold on!”

+==[~~~]==+

Celestia looked up at the roof, mid-explanation.

“Celestia?” Milz joined her. “Vot is wrong?”

“I sense...” Celestia said, frowning. “I sense a familiar power far above us. And I sense that a god has stooped to the level of giving something a ride over a long distance.”

“That’s a very specific sense,” Tulip muttered, leaning against a machine as he tried to keep up with the nerd-talk that Celestia and Milz were throwing back and forth in an effort to understand how the Portal actually functioned. “And at the same time, very generic and vague.”

“It’s a problem,” Celestia admitted.

+==[~~~]==+

There was a flash of moonlight,and three ponies appeared in the air above the floor. They landed in a pile with a whump, and got up, swaying slightly.

“Whoa!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “What just happened?! Where are we?”

“Twilight’s Library,” Lyra said, looking around. “We’re back in the library!”

Trixie looked around. “This is where the Great and Powerful Twilight Sparkle lives? A library?”

There was a yawn that split the air. “Uhgh. Hi there, welcome to the lib-”

Spike’s voice stopped, the baby dragon having descended the stairs just enough to see the ponies standing in the middle of it; grubby, tired and in once case, scarred, they cut quite the sight.

“What’s going on?”

“Celestia’s turned evil,” Rainbow Dash blurted out. “And she was going to kill Richard and Princess Luna, before she took the Royal Guard to this other world and wiped out the last of the humans!”

“Wait, what?” Spike’s half-awake brain was struggling to keep up, having been in the middle of deep sleep when he’d been roused by the sound of mass-teleportation. His eyes lingered on the burned mare. “Uh, isn’t that-”

“Yes!” Trixie threw a hoof up in the air. “It is I, the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“Didn’t you just use that title for Twilight just before?” Lyra asked.

“The title of “Great and Powerful” can be shared by many! It is hardly exclusive!”

“So can I be the “Great and Powerful” Rainbow Dash, then?” The cyan pegasus asked.

“Are you great and powerful?”

“Duh.”

“Well, then! Great and Powerful Rainbow Dash it is!”

“Awesome.”

“Girls,” Lyra held up a hoof. “We’re on the clock, here. We have a job to do. Spike, is Twilight’s portal machine still in the basement lab?”

“Yeah,” Spike nodded.

“Do you know how to make it work?”

“Ha, no,” Spike snorted. “I think Twilight’s like the only pony who knows how to use it.”

“Oh.” Lyra sagged.

“After her, though,” Spike rubbed his chin, “And perhaps Princess Celestia, the next person who’d know about the machine is... Angel.”

“Angel?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Not that little parasprite! Anyone but him!”

Spike shrugged. “He probably helped Twilight the most, honestly. He’s the only one small enough to really get inside the machine.” Spike jiggled his belly for emphasis. “I’m just a wee bit on the tubby side, y’know?”

Rainbow Dash flapped into the air, and put her hooves on her hips, looking at Lyra. “And why are we getting him?”

“Didn’t you hear Richard?” Lyra asked. “The portal. Warn the HLF.” She turned to look at the door that led down to the lab. “We need to make it work, get to earth and warn the humans, before evil Celestia does.”

+==[~~~]==+

The minivan rolled along the road at a cautious pace, engine humming quietly as they did. The Wild Cards were all on the edges of their seats, hands resting on guns as they approached the concrete jungle that was New York.

Twilight looked out the window as they approached, awed by the height of all the buildings.

“This is... this is...” she looked for the word to describe just how big New York was.

Oddly, despite being mostly bereft of nature, Fluttershy seemed the most at ease, staring up in wonder. “You can barely see the sky...”

“New York ain’t the biggest place in the world,” Emmet muttered, leaning forward in the driver’s seat to look at the rooftops, gun resting on the dashboard. “But it’s pretty damn big.”

“Also pretty damn quiet,” Desmond said, antsy. “Way too quiet.”

Silence punctuated this statement, save for the only sound they could hear, which was the van itself, echoing off the buildings around them.

“Gasmasks on,” David suggested, pulling his own air filter out and popping it on over his face.

The humans obliged, as the car rounded a corner and passed by a large, gutted shell of a building, a past fire having done it’s worst to the premises. The banner that hung limply by one corner was mostly destroyed, but a few letters could still be made out.

“What’s that? Bro- Brony?” Twilight asked. David’s face went sour.

“Bronies. Can you believe that some people were actually fans of the ponies?” He shook his head. “Even after Equestria’s agenda was revealed, didn’t stop some folks running to Equestria. Bloody morons. As you can see, some folks were not friendly to the pro-pony humans.”

“I think we’d better stop here and carry on on foot,” Emmet said, looking around as he stopped the van. “I’m getting a bad feeling about this.”

The party exited the vehicle, and making sure they had everything, carried on on foot. Fluttershy and Twilight were on point, walking calmly down the middle of the street, with nothing to fear from the ponies; they were shadowed by the Cards, who moved from cover to cover, leapfrogging one another.

The party rounded a corner, and Twilight and Fluttershy stopped. Before them, the road ended at a junction, water all that lay beyond, a vast stretch of water separating them an island. On that island...

“What the hay is that thing?” Twilight asked, running forward and rearing up on the guard barrier next to the water, pointing a hoof at the black spire that loomed over the other buildings by an order of magnitude.

“The New York Conversion Bureau,” Emmet muttered. “It’s also the headquarters for Equestria on Earth. We’re seeing it with human eyes, something has gone horribly wrong.”

The humans looked about, waiting for the assault punchline they were expecting, but none came. No potion from above. No pegasi in the air, even. The setting sun glittered off the surface of the water, making the whole situation feel surreal.

“This is way too easy,” Emmet muttered. “That bureau’s probably where you want to go. I think that was the hub for travel to and from Equestria, way back when. It probably still is.”

“How do we get across the water?” Twilight asked.

“Um,” Fluttershy unfurled her wings. “I could carry you. You know, if you wanted. Probably.”

“You can’t carry me and the humans as well,” Twilight frowned. Emmet held up a hand.

“Don’t sweat that. This part you’re gonna have to do alone anyway. If you got seen with us, I think things might go south quickly.” Emmet pointed with a hand at a bridge in the distance that crossed the river. “We’ll make our way across over that, meet you on the other side. Hopefully, by then, you’ll have delivered that message and secured the surrender.”

Twilight nodded. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Absolutely,” David nodded. “Hell, you’re Twilight Sparkle, number-one student of Princess Celestia. Practically royalty, from what I hear. I wouldn’t be surprised if we get there and you’re getting pampered silly.”

Twilight smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll be sure to set aside some of the pampering for you guys. Fluttershy, are you ready?”

Fluttershy flapped her wings a bit, stretched them, and nodded.

With a bit of work, Fluttershy picked Twilight up by the shoulders, and began to flap out over the water, moving slowly. Twilight looked back at the bank, where Emmet waved back just once, before the human soldiers jogged back to the relative safety of the buildings, and vanished down an alleyway.

Twilight looked back at the Bureau, the tall, black building imposing and intimidating. What awaited her?

She looked up at Fluttershy’s face, which was contorted with the effort of keeping them both aloft, and looked down to see that they were moving at a brisk canter’s pace over the water. Water that Twilight could swear was getting closer and closer with every passing moment. The far bank was distant, but reachable.

Perhaps there would be some swimming involved before the day was done.

+==[~~~]==+

Luna galloped.

It was very unprincess-like to gallop like she was, but then again, she was racing the clock. Richard’s clock.

His suit was making faint beeping noises, quite urgently. Richard had since passed out, his air supply dropped to too low a level for him to stay awake. Luna held the human’s body to her back with magic as she ran, clearing a small hill and gasping.

Below, in a shallow crater, a wide, flat structure sat on the moon, white materials glistening in sunlight. Small lights blinked on and off, marking corners of the building, and best of all, lights were on in the windows that Luna could see. As she watched, a human-like shape wandered past one of the windows, and she smiled. Richard was going to be safe.

Provided he got into an air-filled environment, of course. She broke into a run once more, Richard bouncing about as she did. The building loomed larger, and she directed herself to a large, red door at the end of a tubular protrusion; painted on the doors was the word “airlock”. Luna considered it. Air lock. Air should be involved. Somewhere. So it was clearly the best place for Richard to be, right?

She ran up to it, and it didn’t move. She looked around, for a button or a bell to ring, and found nothing. No way in. Shouldering the human on her back, she probed the Airlock with her magic, and felt for a seam. She found it, and dug telekinetic claws into the gap, and pulled. The effort she exerted was titanic; the RX-9 Airlock System by Synthetic Design was rated to several million atmospheres’ worth of pressure, and designed to stay shut when it was supposed to be shut, regardless of anything anyone might do to it; it had safety issues in that anything left inside the door’s closing path would get mashed in half, but that aside, it made great security.

And yet, Luna pried it open with a groaning of steel, alarms sounding, air rushing and the door screeching as Luna forced it open more and more. Once the doors were open enough, Luna grabbed Richard by the shoulders, and threw.

The human sailed through the gap and landed with a whump on the other side. Luna nodded, and finally relaxed her grip on the doors. With a clang, they snapped shut again, and Luna looked around for a different way into the moon base.

In the airlock, Richard lay still, his suit no longer bleeping as it switched back to using the environment for air. He lay between the interior and exterior airlocks, air around him misting as fresh air was pumped into the room. The interior airlock beeped as someone was admitted entry, and a pair of thick, leather gloves grabbed him by the neck and began to drag.

+==[~~~]==+

“Come on, Angel,” Rainbow Dash begged. “Just... work with us, come on. Lives are at stake.”

Rainbow Dash, Lyra and Trixie were gathered next to the portal - having never seen it before, Trixie was in awe. And partially jealous, as she estimated it to be worth more than she’d ever earned.

Angel sat between them, arms folded as he silently bargained with Rainbow Dash.

“Seriously?” Rainbow Dash sighed. “Okay. Fine. What do you want?”

Angel reached behind his back, and whipped out a cookbook, open to a specific page. On it, was a picture of a bowl of salad.

“You want a salad.”

Angel nodded, and tapped his foot five times.

“You want... five salads?” Rainbow guessed.

Angel tapped his foot seven times.

“You want seven salads?”

Angel facepawed, and repeated the five-tap, then the seven-tap.

“You want... no.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “You want five salads a day, for a whole week?”

Angel threw his paws in the air with an expression of “finally, she gets it”.

A glow of magic grabbed Angel by the scruff of his neck, and pulled him towards the two unicorns. Angel noted the grubby, questionably-stained labcoat on Lyra and the still-healing burns on Trixie.

“Right,” Lyra said. “I don’t know how things usually go around here, but you’re being extortionate at a very poor time. An entire race of creatures is at stake, and you’re bargaining for salad.”

“Trixie does not approve,” snorted Trixie. “If you are going to bargain, why not bargain for more than just salad?”

“Trixie.”

“Sorry.”

“Like I was saying,” Lyra said, “Poor timing. Get this portal fixed now.”

Angel crossed his arms and shook his head vigorously.

“I wasn’t asking,” Lyra reiterated. “Did I mention Fluttershy’s in danger as well?”

Angel’s face fell, before he pulled himself up, and vanished in a rush of wind, the sounds of clunking stones coming from the portal machine. The three mares turned around to see the gems in the machine slowly flickering to life, as a low hum began to make itself heard.

Angel popped out of the machine’s guts, and bounced over to the control panel, where he examined the switches, and pushed one upwards. With a grinding of stone, the ring in the middle of the machine began to spin and spark, rapidly gaining speed.

“Next stop,” Lyra said. “Earth.”

+==[~~~]==+

The armored guardspony slowly patrolled the moonlit pavement, constantly on edge. He wished he didn’t have to, but humans were so... savage. They simply didn’t see that the ponies were there to elevate them, to make them better! And it showed, in repeated attempts on Lady Sparkle’s life. A sniper there, a knife there. Even some mechanical monstrosity on two legs had tried to stamp out Twilight’s life, only to find that the stories about the unicorn’s magical strength were far from exaggerated. And then Twilight Sparkle only served to make the truth even more unbelievable by spending days on end in libraries, just... reading. Everything. Ostensibly to better understand the creatures they were saving, with their rough-hewn “civilization”. They didn’t even have a princess, and the sun and moon moved of their own accord! Ridiculous!

Still, the guard mused, for all of humanity’s savagery, they made nice walkways. Smooth stone, how did they do it?

He passed by a tree, and briefly distracted by the wonder of concrete, failed to notice the large shape pressed up against the tree trunk; even if he hadn’t been distracted so, it would have been a challenge to spot the human - his attention was directed at potential threats from without, not threats lurking just within.

Evidently the concept of eliminating sentries hadn’t occurred to him. There was a rustle of shrubbery, and the guard turned just in time to see a lumbering mass of darkness lurch out from the shadows, knife glittering in his grip.

Steel flashed in the moonlight, and the guard found himself in a tight, encompassing and rather unfriendly embrace, a human hand clamped firmly over his snout as he struggled and kicked. Red fluid ran from his neck, as his heart faithfully pumped the stuff he needed to live out through the hole afforded by the knife.

The guard went still, and the human relaxed, sheathing his knife and adjusting his grip to drag the dead pony into the bushes, just like the other sentries at their own respective posts. The sound and shape of a bomb-suited human disposing of his kills was hardly subtle, but it was a quiet night, and now there was nopony to notice the nefarious deed.

Apart from the one inside. Her.

Satisfied the pony was concealed, the human hefted a large duffel bag, and shouldered it. It was heavy, but then, all good things were. In this case, it was bricks of plastic explosive. It had taken some time to acquire this much, and a few forays into military installations, but he had it. Ultimately, it’d be worth it.

He looked up at the building that loomed before him, the building that housed just one pony and a sizable amount of the world’s knowledge. The building that he had researched how to destroy with the plastic explosive he had.

He rolled his shoulders, exhaled, and cranked up the cooling on the bomb suit. It had saved his life plenty of times in the past, and hopefully it’d keep saving his life until he didn’t need it any more. But between then and now...

Richard walked up to one of the support pillars, and briefly recollecting the structural plans, slapped a brick of C4 into the carved stone pillar, priming it.

Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself, was how the saying went. Equestria had taken his daughter from him. Celestia didn’t have a daughter, but apparently Twilight Sparke was practically the same thing.

Richard placed another explosive and primed it with a soft beep.

It’d have to do.

+==[~~~]==+

Applejack ran down the stairs at speed, practically dragging a protesting Rarity with her. Pinkie Pie didn’t need to be dragged, bouncing along quite happily of her own accord, Spike clinging to her back in mild terror as he rose and fell about half a second after she did.

“Do we really have to do this now?” Rarity protested, clutching her dressing gown to herself with magic. “It’s the middle of the night!”

“Ah know,” Applejack yawned, “But it’s important. Didn’t y’all hear spike? Celestia’s gone bad, we need to give her what-for!”

“We’re gonna go save a world~!” Pinkie whooped. “We’re gonna go save a world~!”

Rainbow Dash looked up, and saw four of her best friends descending the stairs, into Twilight’s laboratory.

“What’s going on?” she asked. “Spike? Did you-”

“Do you really think we’d let you just go to another world on your own?” Rarity asked, drawing herself up. “I might not be looking my best right now, but I’m not going to miss this one, like I did last time.”

“If y’all are going to go and try to get Twilight back,” Applejack added, “Count us in.”

“We’re going to show that nasty, mean, evil Celestia what happens when you mess with our friends!” Pinkie whooped, producing two boxing-glove-clad hooves and punching them together.

“Awesome,” Rainbow Dash said. “With the four of us, there’s nothing we can’t do!”

“Ah hem,” Lyra cleared her throat pointedly. “We’re going too.”

“Yes, quite,” Trixie said, adjusting her worn hat. “This is Trixie’s chance - what better way to repay my debt to Richard than to save his people?”

“Trixie?!” Applejack spluttered, noticing the unicorn. “What in the hay - What’re you doing here?!” Applejack to Rainbow Dash. “RD, what the hay.”

“Trixie’s not the same Trixie that showed us up,” Rainbow Dash assured. “She’s turned over a new leaf.”

“Humph,” Rarity turned her nose up. “I very much doubt that anypony who turns somepony’s hair into a tangled mess can ever change.”

“Come on,” Lyra nagged. “Give the mare a chance, sheesh. I mean, she’s been nothing but helpful since I met her.”

“Trixie doesn’t care whether you want her to go or not,” Trixie declared. “Trixie is still going. Richard got eaten by a hydra to save me, the least I can do is try my best to warn his people.”

Applejack grumbled, but nodded. “I suppose so. The human didn’t seem like much when Ah last saw him, but Ah suppose Ah owe him pretty big, too, savin’ mah sister like he did.”

“And it isn’t exactly generous of me to not give him the benefit of the doubt,” Rarity admitted. “Perhaps I could do with helping.”

“We’re in agreement, then,” Rainbow Dash said, bringing her hooves together and bending them with a click. “Angel, how’s the portal coming along?”

The white rabbit stared at the portal, then at Rainbow Dash, tapping a foot on the console, pointing at the last in a line of lamps. A green glass window remained dark, designated “link”.

“So, we just need a link to be established?” Rainbow asked, and Angel nodded.

“You mean, we need somepony on th’ other side to activate a portal as well?” Applejack asked.

Angel just shrugged, and hopped down off the console as Lyra came over to investigate it. She tutted as she examined the arcane machine, and nodded.

“Yup. Everything else seems to be fine, it’s just... waiting for a prompt.”

+==[~~~]==+=

“There’s nothing wrong with the portal,” Celestia shrugged.

“You have lost me,” Milz admitted. “My English must not be up to scratch. You said there iz nozthing wrong viz zer portal.”

“According to you,” Celestia countered, “Every component on Twilight’s portal appears to have an equivalent one on this machine. And hers obviously worked. Thus, this should work.”

“But ve have changed nozthing,” protested Milz. “It did not vork before, vy should it vork now?”

“Perhaps both of you are missing something,” Tulip yawned, leaning against a handy desk as he watched the two troubleshoot a multi-billion-dollar machine. “A third element, as it were. One that neither of you know about.”

“Impozzible,” Milz snorted. “Ve are having the combined intellect of zer greatest scientific genius alive, and a god. Vot is there to know?”

“Plenty,” Celestia muttered. “God I might be, but there are still things in the world that I cannot know.”

“Look,” Tulip said, standing up straight and uncrossing his arms. “We managed to get it working in the middle of a firefight. How about we just push the bloody button and see what happens?”

“How about ve don’t?” Milz said, moving to block Tulip as the Commander moved to the main control console. “Zis is a sensitive machine! You don’t just “push zer bloody button und see vaht happens”!”

There was a quiet click, and Milz put his hands up as he found himself staring at the business end of a handgun, held by Tulip.

“I think we will,” Tulip said. “It worked before, let’s do it again.”

“Commander Tulip,” Celestia said, stepping in front of Milz, wing outstretched to shield him. “Let’s not step to violence.”

“Step aside, Princess,” Tulip said, motioning with the gun. “This is not a time for talk, this is a time for action. Specifically, throwing levers.”

Celesita blinked slowly, and stepped to the side, gently nudging Milz to the side, always keeping her wing in front of him. Tulip put his gun up, satisfied, and strode over to the console.

It looked complex, but it helped that there was a large lever designated “power”, and it was currently up, in the “off” position. He reached out, and without pausing, ripped the lever down.

+==[~~~]==+

The click of boots on tiled floor echoed throughout the library, alerting Twilight to Richard’s presence before she even saw him. And so Richard stepped out into the open, facing a Twilight Sparkle who was seated in a chair, facing the human.

“What are you doing here?” Twilight asked. “Humans should be in Bureaus, awaiting salvation.”

“Nah,” Richard waved a free hand, pooh-poohing the idea. “Salvation isn’t for me. Got nothing left to save.” He hefted the large duffel bag in his other hand; it sagged with weight, but it had one last heavy thing in it. “You’ve taken my daughter from me, did you know that? Ponies have destroyed what family I had. And we were just beginning to get along, too.”

“Then ponify,” Twilight challenged. “Join her. She is not lost to you.”

“It’s too late for that,” Richard jostled the bag. “This bomb’ll make quick work of me and you, and just to make sure neither of us get out of here alive, it’ll set off the other charges I’ve got around this building. They say that you’re like the daughter Celestia never had,” Richard grinned beneath his helmet, an emotion Twilight could sense, despite seeing nothing more than a human in a bomb suit. “She’s taken my daughter from me, I think it’s only fair I do the same before I die. We’re going to go together.”

Richard reached into the bag with his empty hand, and watched Twilight. With a pulse of magic, she vanished - as expected. Richard kept on reaching, even as the lavender mare appeared in front of him, and with a telekinetic shove like an eighteen wheeler, threw him backwards, sans duffel bag. The human hit the tiled floor hard, and skidded along until he came to a stop against the far wall, underneath a window.

The bag landed on the ground, and Twilight ripped it open, revealing just a small brick of plastic explosive, with an ominous blinking red light. No detonation mechanism. She looked at Richard, confused.

“This is just C4. You need a detonator. Even I know that.”

“Remember how I said we’d go together?” Richard asked, getting up and dusting himself off as he reached behind his back, and pulled out a small handle. “I lied.”

Twilight’s eyes went wide as there was an audible snick, a beep, and-[

Flame blossomed wide and fast, blowing Richard backwards with the force of the explosion. Glass exploded around him as he was thrown out the second story window, and more explosions ripped through the air as other planted explosives finally received their signals, detonating.

The lone human hit the top of a tree, and with a strangled grunt of pain, flopped around the branches, bouncing off them as he fell to the ground and landed in a shrub with a grunt. He looked up, and saw his handiwork.

The library burned, creaked, and thanks to the explosive charges taking out crucial support points... began to sag. With a rumble of masonry, the ancient building finally breathed its last, and caved inwards. He looked at his chest, and saw the blackened fabric of his suit struggling to stitch itself together, burned all the way down to the ceramic plate, which had a shallow crater burned into that, too. Less than an inch of material had stood between Richard and having an even bigger crater in his chest.

There was no way Twilight could've survived.

“Sit on it and spin, Celestia,” Richard muttered.

+==[~~~]==+

Wind screamed through the air once more in Twilight’s lab, paper and detrius flinging itself through the portal, Lyra, Trixie and Rainbow Dash screaming in terrified joy. Everypony else was just screaming.

“It’s working!” Rainbow Dash yelled, flapping her wings hard as she struggled to remain standing in place. “This is exactly what it did last time!”

“Now what?!” Rarity screeched, clinging fearfully to Applejack’s leg as the more solid earth pony clung tightly to a bookshelf.

“I guess this is where we jump!” Lyra shouted, clinging to the control panel along with Angel, who’d planted himself in the lee of the sturdy machine.

“You wanna jump?” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “Just jump straight through a hole in reality!? Are you loco in the coco? Even I wouldn’t do that!”

“What would you do?” Trixie asked.

“Well, I’d look first!” Pinkie responded with a smile.

Applejack just blinked in surprise. “That’s actually soundin’ pretty sensible like. We should do that.”

Pinkie Pie managed to find the time to pout at Applejack. “Are you saying I’m not always the epitome of sensible?”

Everypony else declined to comment, and settled for looking at the portal. As one, they squinted, and tilted their heads to see the inverted image the right-way up.

“Is that... Richard?!” Lyra exclaimed.

+==[~~~]==+

“My God...” Tulip breathed, clinging to the console as Celestia anchored herself and Doctor Milz with her. “There’s more of them.”

The princess looked harder. “It looks like the Elements of Harmony have gathered to retrieve Twilight and Fluttershy.”

“That’s a good thing?” Tulip asked. “They ain’t gonna bounce in here and gimme four hooves?”

“They shouldn’t do,” Celestia muttered. “I ask that you hold off on a violent reaction when they come through.”

Tulip blinked. “Wait, when?”

“They’ve already jumped.”

There was a deep, throbbing pulse that rippled through the lab, and the god, scientist and soldier all felt it. Sparks flew out from the machine in cascades of energy, as there was a pop of air displacement, and the air suddenly got a lot more colorful.

There were shrieks of terror and yells of alarm as no less than six ponies flew through the air and landed on the ground in a heap. Legs waggled futilely in the air as the portal sparked and with a snap of lightning, vanished. It wasn’t long before golden magic encompassed the heap, and still kicking, the six ponies were separated and placed on their confused hooves, on the ground. Tulip stood tall and assessed the new arrivals.

Some of them looked a little green (White unicorn in fluffy-trim dressing gown), and some looked like they were stoically trying not to panic, freak out or hurl themselves (Orange hat pony, blue pegasus). One looked like she’d thoroughly enjoyed the experience (Pink pony), another looked astonished (Lab coat unicorn) and the last one simply squared her shoulders and returned Tulip’s gaze levelly. (Burned unicorn)

“...Richard?” the lab-coated unicorn asked, hesitantly.

“That’s not me,” Tulip said bluntly. “But I know a guy.”

“About yea tall?” The blue unicorn with burn scars asked, holding a hoof up as a point of light rapidly danced a shape in the air, forming a rather accurate, life-sized outline of a man in an explosive ordnance suit.

“That sounds like him,” Tulip nodded. “Or at least, what he looked like last time I saw him.”

“Commander Tulip,” Celestia indicated the ponies in turn. “May I introduce: Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash, four of the six Elements of Harmony. As well as... Hmm, Lyra Heartstrings, and... Trixie Lulamoon, yes.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie Lulamoon, excuse you,” Trixie said reflexively, before clamping a hoof over her mouth as she realized who she’d just sassed.

Celestia giggled. “The Great and Powerful Trixie it is, then,” she said, before the smile fell from her face and she cleared her throat, moving quite distinctly from “pleasantries” to “business”. “What happened?” she asked. “What’s going on?”

“Well,” Applejack said, dusting herself off with a few flicks of her tail and resetting her hat. “Th’ “Richard” arrived in Twilight’s Library, panicked, beat us up, took Lyra here hostage, and escaped into the forest, where he picked a fight with a manticore and saved mah sister.”

“And after that,” Rainbow Dash said, “he let himself get eaten by a hydra to save Trixie’s life by killing the hydra from the inside, with a knife.”

“What?!” Tulip choked. “You mean it actually worked?”

“I would say so,” Trixie said flatly. “I’m alive to talk about it. It was rather gross. And then there was the Balrog in the underpass,” the blue unicorn said, indicating some fresher burns on herself.

“And the Nightmare,” Lyra added.

“And then there was... other Celestia,” Rainbow Dash said tentatively.

“...I do not suppose she was kindly disposed to you?” Celestia said hopefully.

“She said she’s going to make a portal, come back here and use our Equestria’s ponies to wipe out the last of humanity,” Lyra said. “All before she vaporized Princess Luna and Richard.”

Tulip’s jaw just dropped, and he sagged a little. “You’re shitting me,” he grunted.

“Luna and Evil Celestia were going at it, hammer and tongs,” Rainbow Dash said. “And Evil Celestia wasn’t even close to winded when she turned up the heat. Luna teleported us away and Richard told us to send word of her plans.”

Celestia nodded. “Very well. My counterpart rides to war, as expected, and is bringing my own Royal Guard to bear against us. Commander Tulip, what say you?”

Tulip stood up straight and cleared his throat. “Twilight and Fluttershy are still delivering the ultimatum, but once our Celestia returns to her dark throne, it’ll definitely lose a lot of power, and we’re back to where we were about a week ago - about to die, and this time, it sounds like she’s not taking prisoners.”

“We’re the Elements of Harmony,” Rarity pointed out, tapping her chest. “Can’t we do something? Banish this Dark Celestia to the sun?”

“We need all six, Rares,” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “We’re short Fluttershy and Twilight.”

“Where are they, anyhow?” Applejack asked. “Y’all said they were deliverin’ some sorta ultimatum?”

Milz reached under a table and pulled out a roll of paper, which he unfurled so he could point at a spot on the coastline.

“New York,” Milz said. “Zer big apple. Home of the first Conversion Bureau.”

+==[~~~]==+

There was a wet splashing, and with twin gasps, two ponies breached the surface of the river, and dug their hooves in as they scrabbled over the edge of the waterfront, rolling over the edge and onto dry land.

“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy wheezed, lying on the paved stone like a wet sack of meat. “I thought... I thought I could make it.”

“It’s okay, Fluttershy,” Twilight reassured, dragging herself upright, water running in rivulets from her soaked coat and mane. “You almost made it. We didn’t have to swim too far.”

With a snap and crackle of energy, Twilight dried herself off with a short burst of magic, and shook herself to shake the tingle. Fluttershy staggered upright herself, and Twilight did the same for her, pausing only when she saw the results of her magic.

“Whoops,” Twilight muttered, reaching over and gently smoothing out Fluttershy’s new manestyle. “I forgot I had it calibrated to me.”

Fluttershy brushed her new straight bangs to the side with a hoof, and gave her tail a careful flick, allowing it to snap back to it’s usual shape.

“It’s no problem,” she mumbled. “What do we do now?”

Twilight looked around, and without much difficulty, located the tall, dark building that was their destination.

“The Bureau,” Twilight stated. “We deliver the message. Or find a way to get the message delivered.”

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Fluttershy whispered. “I feel like somepony is watching our every move.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow laconically, looking quite skeptical, even as her eyes darted about, picking out choice observation points, all of which were devoid of life. As much as she wanted to write off Fluttershy’s feeling as typical Fluttershy worry-warting... she couldn’t.

Wordlessly, the two ponies cantered over the road, weaving between a number of eternally-parked cars, and made their way between tall buildings towards their goal. The closer they got, things got more dire in appearance. Storefronts and buildings looked more abandoned, the number of parked and abandoned cars climbed, many with red X marks painted on them, as well as having windows broken or missing, and being covered in the grime of disuse.

It was startling when they rounded a corner, and all that changed. Like an invisible barrier, the streets and buildings were suddenly pristine, picturesque. Spotless, unfettered roads gave way to a large expanse of flat, tiled stone. The plaza’s polished stone glinted in the light, and partially reflected the tall black building standing in the middle of it. Sunlight glistened off the edge of the obsidian-esque structure, framed by a sky that was slowly turning orange, a picture-perfect sunset.

It was eerie, for something so... perfect to sit as an island amidst a sea of neglect and burgeoning ruin.

Twilight and Fluttershy entered the shadow of the world’s first Conversion Bureau as they approached the steps that led up to glistening glass main doors. They went unchallenged, and saw nothing, not even movement, in the building.

That is, until they set hoof on the bottom-most step of the Bureau, and there was a snick of a door latch. They looked up at the sound of hooves, and Twilight saw a familiar face.

“Twilight?” Shining Armor asked, blinking in surprise. “I-is that you?”

On The Brink

TCB: A Kinder World

01 - On the Brink

Humanity was a master of warfare - a race does not simply spend its entire life in conflict and not become a master of it. Humans had the art of war down to a science - they knew when a fight was a sure thing, and when it was going to be a washout, even when it didn’t seem like it.

There’s a difference between knowing, and being able to admit it, though. And admitting that humankind was doomed was a very bitter pill to swallow.

What remained of the Human Liberation Front was staring down that pill right now. For some, it was a pill in the form of a spare 5.56mm round, loaded into a gun pointed into the underside of their chins. They accepted it, and couldn’t chase it down fast enough.

For others, it was in the pegasi dropping canisters of purple, ponifying, brainwashing gas from the dark, night sky. In the unicorns lobbing strange, rune-carved rocks that exploded in balls of magical, transforming energy. In the Earth Ponies that ran them down, pinned them to the ground, and shoved potion down their facemasks.

For Richard Ides, it was in a simple mathematical problem. Every time he subtracted one pony from the hordes trying to ponify him, two more took its place. His guns plinked and tinged as they cooled, barrels almost glowing red from overuse. They were due for replacing, anyway - this was his last prepared clip of 9mm SMG rounds, and he doubted the ponies would give him time to prepare any more.

Fort Forlorn Hope was the last, far-northern, snow-clad stand of humanity; once strong walls had been breached in multiple places; the gates held, but it was pointless when the walls surrounding it were fallen and reduced to rubble. The HLF had defended it well, and the grounds outside and inside were almost covered in equine bodies; but as Richard kept discovering... that old exponential problem came to the fore.

“All humans, fall back to the lab!” Richard’s radio crackled. “I repeat, all humans, fall back!”

Richard grunted, and ran for it through the fort’s main courtyard, past a line of statues; it was hard going, running in a fully isolated explosive ordnance detonation suit with a shotgun on your back, but he carried on. The sounds of hooves behind him told a tale of how he wasn’t going to make it unmolested.

A heavy weight hit him in the small of his back, and he twisted as he fell forward; he landed on his back and skidded to a halt, looking up at the orange earth pony mare pinning him to the ground. It made him sick - ponies didn’t wear clothes, but this one was even wearing a hat, in parody of humans! Was she taunting him? Was it a trophy from someone she’d ponified?

“Y’all gotta become one of us, pardner,” she said, holding up a vial of potion. “The Princess says so.”

“Richard says, no!” the human spat, hot breath fogging up his faceplate as he bent his arm, to bring his SMG to bear, aiming for gut; the mare looked down, and realized she’d made an error of judgement.

+==[~~~]==+

“Shucks, Twi,” Applejack panted, “Y’ know Ah’m always keen to help mah friends, but...”

“What’s wrong, Applejack?” Twilight asked, pausing at the top of the stairs down to her laboratory-slash-workshop under the library.

“It’s jus’ that this here doohickey’s a mite heavy,” Applejack protested, shifting the apparatus on her back. “Couldn’t you build it lighter? Or git somepony else along to help me?”

“Well, I could have asked Fluttershy,” Twilight said, “But she’s not the strongest pony I know, and she’s busy setting up the experiment, anyway. Don’t worry, Applejack,” Twilight patted the farmpony on the shoulder. “Almost to my lab. One more set of stairs to go, then we can go back for the last one.”

Applejack groaned. Big Macintosh was right - she did have a habit of biting off more apples than she could chew.

+==[~~~]==+

Richard pushed the limp orange mare off him with a heave, and got up, pointing his gun at her head.

“Gotta... one of us...” the mare gasped, bulletholes in her chest proving to be slowly, but surely, lethal.

Richard grimaced, and finished it with one more bullet, this time to the head and not the gut. It was less an act of mercy than it was a precaution; wounded animals were the most dangerous ones, and many a good man had been lost to a wounded pony who found the strength to pitch one last vial of potion.

“Applejack!” a haughty voice rang out, and Richard looked to see a white unicorn running his way.

“You killed her, you... human!” the mare shouted, swinging dozens of vials around like a tornado, blue magical glows giving them a strangely hypnotizing appearance. “She was just trying to share the gift of ponification with you!”

Richard ducked under a vial, and tried to give the unicorn more of what her kin had already tasted; two dry clicks from his guns told him that he was out of luck, though, and the unicorn seized her chance.

With a whump, a blue ball of energy shot out and slammed into his chest, throwing him back like a ragdoll, once more landing on his back.

“Oh, you’ve done me a disservice, you scoundrel,” the unicorn said with a trembling voice, walking closer, vials no longer orbiting but ready to throw. “You’ve taken one of my best friends from me. But I’ll forgive you once you join us and become a pony; after all, I am nothing if not generous.”

A vial was raised, and-

CRASH

With a screaming of steel and metal, a thick-set, bipedal machine that Richard recognized as an armoured personnel utility mech plowed through the stone statues and with the massive pnuematic clamp mounted on its left arm, grabbed the unicorn, turning to use the size and bulk of its main torso to block line of sight and stop her throwing the vials at the relatively vulnerable Richard.

[Go, human,] the machine intoned, purple fluid dripping down its chestplate, [I, Palladion, will defend you to the last and cover your escape.]

“Thank you,” Richard gasped, getting up and resuming his run for the main building.

“Take your dirty claw off me, brute!” the unicorn demanded, beating ineffectually at the steel holding her tight, her magic no use against the clamp. The APU mech did not comply, responding with a grinding, whirring noise as the mining-class drill mounted on its right arm came to life.

[Law one dictates a human cannot be allowed to come to harm,] Palladion stated. [You intend to cause harm, non-human.]

Richard ran, the sounds of wet splashing and garbled screaming echoing behind him, and saw what few survivors there were running into the building ahead of him; looking back, he saw only Palladion’s APU causing carnage, alongside other non-organic combatants; the few humans left out there wouldn’t be human much longer, as they feebly resisted the removal of their gasmasks and helmets while lying on the ground, amidst the thin purple gas that was everywhere.

It was so that Richard was able to see a terrifying sight; on the other side of the still-standing gate, a radiant light shone, like a sunrise.

Sunrise wasn’t due for another three hours. Richard gulped. She was here.

Richard ran once more, casting his depleted weapons aside and plowing through the main doors. On the other side, two more bipedal mechs stood guard, stooping slightly to fit under the already high ceiling; unlike Palladion’s APU, these were not civilian machines with misapplied loading and mining systems. No, these were built to kill from the moment they rolled off the assembly line.

“Celestia!” Richard shouted. “She’s here! She’s here!”

The mechs jumped slightly; unlike APUs, combat mechs were never permitted to be piloted by an AI. The potential for an AI to go rogue and kill all humans dictated that the strongest and most destructive mechs be human-only.

Funny how priorities changed, wasn’t it?

“R-right,” one mech said over its loudspeaker, an arm coming up and brandishing a mounted chaingun which revved to make a point. “We’ll show her not to fuck with humanity.”

The other mech remained silent, but as Richard ran past, he thought he heard someone mumbling something.

“Our father, who art in heaven,” the pilot’s muffled voice echoed, “Hallowed be thy name...”

Richard made the sign of the cross as he ran. He’d never been a religious man, but when times got tough, and humanity was at its end... what better time to find God, right?

+==[~~~]==+

“Is the runestone in place, Fluttershy?” Twilight asked.

“Yes,” the pegasus nodded. “Angel was kind enough to squeeze under the dais and install it for me.”

“Where is Angel, anyhow?”

“He’s gone to the river,” Fluttershy said, “He got a little grubby, and he wanted to go and clean himself up. Was that okay?”

“No, it’s perfect,” Twilight nodded. “Thank you, Fluttershy, let’s just do one more check and we can get started.”

+==[~~~]==+

Richard descended the last of the stairs, and finally arrived at the lab. Located just slightly below ground level, it was less a lab and more an emergency shelter; fitting, given that that was what it was before the HLF moved in.

A decent array of supercomputers and apparatuses lined the far wall, and some desks and tables between. In the middle of the lab, a large machine sat, draped in drop-cloths. Closer to the front, desks had been cleared and tipped over to form a barrier against the inevitable pony onslaught; the windows had been blocked and barred with steel, and all air vents were cycling on their own, secure systems.

It wasn’t just a lab, it was a bunker. A place for Humanity to make its last stand.

Richard hurdled over the desks, with difficulty, and staggered to a halt before the Regional Commander. Covered in blood and clad in a standard military biohazard suit, the Commander nodded.

“Good to see you’re still alive, Richard,” he nodded. “I don’t suppose Ridgeback...?”

Richard flinched, and shook his head. “I... no. She didn’t make it.”

The Commander spotted the omitted detail, but let it lie. “I see. I’m sorry - I still owed her for that time she saved my life in Pittsburgh.”

“I made sure they paid for it,” Richard said quietly.

“Rest in peace, Ridgeback,” the Commander said. “Well, no time to waste. Grab a gun, and prepare to join your daughter, Richard; this is where we stand.”

“I know.” Richard spotted a crate of guns, and took one for himself - a standard M4 carbine - and pocketed a handful of magazines. “Let them come.”

The Commander looked at his comrade, shook his head, and put a hand to the radio in his ear.

“Alright, men, listen up,” he said, addressing all surviving humans and machines over the radio. “This is it. Humanity is officially on the brink. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. To the Enclave projects about to launch, we salute you - good luck, God keep you safe. To the soldiers and fighters who stand with me today in Fort Forlorn Hope - know that you are all that stands between survival and the defeat of the human race. We’ve come too far to fall to a bunch of talking horses, and sacrificed too much to lose today.” the Commander coughed. “Make ‘em pay. For Humanity!”

“FOR HUMANITY!” the soldiers at the barricade cheered, raising weapons, when the sounds of bigger gunfire gave them pause. Each one of the defenders looked up at the ceiling, hearing the gatling fire and dull explosions of the two combat mechs fighting.

All too quickly, it ground to a halt, and everyone gripped their guns just a little harder.

The sounds of hoofsteps began to echo through the closed lab doors; then silence. Everyone held their breath.

With a magenta glow of magic, the doors opened, and revealed nothing less than pure sunlight. Defenders started shooting, to no avail; the dust cleared, and revealed that all the bullets had been stopped dead by a translucent barrier blocking the doorway, a finely-armoured unicorn stallion’s horn glowing to indicate he was responsible for it.

“Humans,” the sunlight declared, fading in intensity to reveal a winged unicorn - clad in gold and jewelled regalia, Celestia herself had come to the front lines to finish this. “This is the end. Surrender now, and it will be swift.”

“We’ll never join you!” a defender jeered. The shout was repeated by dozens of defenders along the line, and Celestia frowned. Not in anger, but... in frustration.

“Fine,” Celestia said. “So be it - if you will not join my herd of your own free will, then you will join by force. Shining Armour - drop the shield. I will protect my ponies myself.”

The stallion nodded, and stepped back, horn’s glow fading. The barrier vanished, and the world turned to white.

+==[~~~]==+

“Ah don’t know, Twilight,” Applejack shook her head. “This don’t feel right. Ah know Pinkie’s usually th’ one with all the twitchin’ and pinchin’, but ah’m feelin’ itchy in Kicks McGee, and that ain’t never a good sign.”

The orange farmpony stood to the side of Twilight’s laboratory, her part in the experiment finished with the placement of the (very heavy) equipment. Fluttershy and Twilight were busy double-checking that everything was in place, while Rainbow Dash loitered near the ceiling, waiting for Applejack to leave.

“Come on, AJ,” Rainbow Dash sighed. “Let’s just go and leave Twi and Fluttershy to their science thing - I wanna race you through Whitetail wood again.”

“Your... twitching is noted, Applejack,” Twilight said, ignoring Rainbow Dash and making a note. “But you’ve got nothing to fear. I’ll carry out the experiment, and Fluttershy will be on hand to pull me back if something goes wrong, okay?”

“Ah don’t know, Twi,” Applejack shook her head, and adjusted her hat. “Ah think Ah’d better stick around, just in case.”

“Oh, ponyfeathers,” Rainbow Dash stopped circling, and landed on the top of a bookcase. “If AJ ain’t movin’, then I guess I gotta stick around. Make sure AJ doesn’t punk out of this race like she did with the last one we organized.”

“Ah told you, RD,” Applejack defended. “Ah had to go and buck the south orchard! Ah didn’t ‘punk out’, Ah just plum forgot Ah made a promise to somepony else first!”

“Silence, please!” Twilight shouted. “I can’t think with you two bickering like that!”

“Sorry, Twi,” Rainbow Dash and Applejack apologized simultaneously.

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Well, while I’m here... what is that thing?” The cyan weatherpony pointed at the large machine in the middle of Twilight’s lab.

Four pillars of stone and metal curved around a central dais in a cross shape, like four claws reaching out of the ground. Inside the claws, a complete ring of rune-carved stone and metal sat upright in the center of the dais, spinning slowly.

“This is hopefully a machine that will create a portal to another world,” Twilight declared. “Hopefully. If my figures are correct. Either that, or it will be a very impressive spinning thing. Either way, I don’t think the day will be a complete waste.”

“It’s also terrible heavy,” Applejack added quickly. “Ah’m not gonna forget that’n in a hurry. Somepony else can move it next time.”

“This part,” Twilight said, pointing to the central ring, “Is the actual portal.” She pointed to the claw-like pillars. “Those are the safety field generators which will isolate the portal if Fluttershy pulls this lever, here.” Twilight shifted her hoof to point at a red-knobbed lever sticking out of a console, seemingly that console’s only function.

“Wait, so this portal thing goes to another world?” Rainbow Dash asked, and Twilight nodded. “What kind of world?”

“I... don’t actually know,” Twilight confessed. “It will be a parallel world, where this machine has also been built. Our machines will start at the same time for various reasons, and we will be able to bridge the gap between two completely separate worlds!” Twilight caught her breath. “Isn’t it exciting?!”

“Exciting?” Rainbow Dash crossed her hooves. “That ain’t the right word, Twi.” Rainbow Dash swooped down, and grabbed Twilight by the shoulders. “This. Is. AWESOME!” The weathermare swooped back up to the ceiling. “This talk about parallel worlds and stuff is just like Daring Do and the Window of Eternity! I wonder if there’s another me out there!” Rainbow Dash swooped down. “That would be so cool. You gotta let me use it. Come on, pleasepleasepleaseplease-”

A purple glow of magic shut Rainbow Dash’s mouth. “Rainbow, okay. But for now, you have to wait over there with AJ, okay? We’re going to start the machine now, and we can’t afford any distractions. The slightest mistake could change everything.”

“Right, gotcha,” Rainbow Dash nodded, and shot back to Applejack’s side, stiff as a board. Applejack looked at the mare curiously.

“Admit it, RD,” Applejack said, “Y’all are into this science thing.”

“Am not!” Rainbow Dash retorted, hotly, before blushing and looking at her hooves. “Well, maybe just a little. It is pretty awesome.”

“Alright, everypony,” Twilight declared. “Let’s begin the experiment. Fluttershy, are you ready?”

Fluttershy nodded, the yellow pegasus placing her hooves on top of the emergency lever... just in case.

“Alright,” Twilight said, grinning as she pulled goggles over her eyes, and her horn lit up with magic. The machine ground to life, runes flickering to life all over the dais and ring. “Let’s make history.”

+==[~~~]==+

The battle raged; Celestia’s initial flare of sunlight blinded only half the defenders, and so her strategy was slightly flawed; those with polarized or reflective eyepieces covered those who had no such protection, and held the initial assault at bay.

True to her word, though, Celestia protected her ponies as they ran through the door; bullets aimed at her or those she was protecting vaporized in small flashes of light, and so the defenders backed off. As they did, the ponies spread out, and suddenly, there were too many for Celestia to protect.

Bullets were exchanged for vials, blade met hoof and needle met flesh as the humans fought on; in the mayhem of battle, Richard found himself visor-to-snout with the Princess herself.

He raised his rifle, firing a shot that went wide of Celestia, and a flash of light sliced it in two before he could fire a second.

“You, human,” she said, taking her time. “You are the one who detonated the bomb in Washington?”

“Aye,” Richard said, stepping back and bumping into a large, boxy machine, dropping what was left of his gun and feeling around for something he could use. “What of it?”

“Twilight Sparkle was in that library,” Celestia said, eyes hardening. “She was like a daughter to me, and you killed her.”

“Then we’re even, you whore,” Richard said, finding a lever.

“We never killed your daughter,” Celestia retorted. “We only gave her a future as a pony!”

“A brainwashed future!” Richard yelled, leaning on the lever. “You didn’t put the bullet in her pony brain...” He leaned harder, and the lever dropped with a solid THUNK sound. “But you killed what made her, her.”

A dull whine built up, and the fluttering of cloth filled the air as a drop cloth was thrown into the air by a machine. Four metal pillars surrounded a rapidly spinning ring, arcs of electricity jumping from the ring to the pillars. The thrum of power filled the air, and the combat slowed to watch Celestia and Richard.

“The portal project!” one human soldier gasped, ignoring the pony they were in combat with, who was frozen mid-reach for another vial of potion. “It’s working!”

+==[~~~]==+

A tornado of wind was building up in Twilight’s lab, sending paper and even whole books flying.

“Is this supposed to happen, Twilight?!” Fluttershy shouted, clinging to the console for dear life.

“I’m sure nothing’s wrong!” Twilight replied, “Look! You can see something!”

Everypony looked at the spinning disc; the disc spinning sideways, an act that usually gave the illusion of a sphere - only this illusion seemed to be anything but, and in the surface of the ball, they could see a fish-eyed view of something that wasn’t the other side of Twilight’s lab.

“What in the hay is that?” Applejack asked. “Is that... the Princess?”

+==[~~~]==+

“W- what is this?” Celestia gasped, stepping forward and involuntarily forcing Richard towards the portal, her calm demeanor shattering. “I see... Twilight?”

The Sun Princess stared into the portal, and Richard looked around; nearby, on the ground, lay a sparking power conduit; nothing essential, it seemed, since the machine was running, but with exposed, live wires nonetheless.

“Why don’t you go and... see her, then?!” Richard said, jabbing the stump of cable into Celestia’s neck. The Alicorn screamed and jolted as currents of power flowed into her, but being made of sterner stuff than mortals was her saving grace, however, and she merely staggered sideways numbly.

But she staggered enough to give Richard an opening, which he took, ducking around behind Celestia. With a mighty shove, he slammed into Celestia from behind, and pushed her forward, straight into the portal. With a gloopy sinking sound, she vanished into the sphere, leaving no traces - not even a ripple.

“Celestia!” a pony screamed. “The princess is gone!”

“The Princess has fallen!” Shining Armour shouted. “Everypony, retreat!”

The ponies hesitated, taking one or two steps back. The humans couldn’t believe their fortune.

“Give ‘em hell, boys!” the Commander shouted, raising his carbine. The surviving HLF soldiers whooped and ran after the ponies, who broke into a full gallop; within seconds, gunfire started, and within the minute, the lab was empty; just one or two wounded ponies remained, corpses scattered about, and Richards, standing alone with the spinning, crackling portal, amidst the torrents of wind being produced, feeling numb.

Had... had he done it? Had he killed...

+==[~~~]==+

Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack and Rainbow Dash screamed as they watched some sort of thick-set bipedal creature stab Celestia with a metal rope.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight shouted, on the edge of her metaphorical seat.

With a shove, Celestia was sent stumbling into the portal’s viewpoint, and with a flash, vanished.

The ponies watched as more bipedal creatures ran forward, and brandishing metal sticks, chased the ponies out of the other room, leaving just the first bipedal creature, standing and staring into the portal.

“That... thing just stabbed the princess with a rope thing!” Rainbow Dash gesticulated wildly. “Twilight! Can I fly in there and teach that parasprite a lesson?”

“No!” Twilight held out a hoof, stopping Rainbow Dash from advancing. “We don’t know what happens if you go into the portal!”

Rainbow Dash twitched. “Twilight, you feel that?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Feel what?”

Rainbow Dash unfurled her wings, and tilted her head as if listening to something. “The air. I feel like I’m in a breeze, going towards that portal.”

“It’s probably just the mini-cyclone being generated by the spinning ring,” Twilight dismissed. “Fluttershy! Get ready to shut down the portal!”

“Got it!” Fluttershy replied, placing her hooves once more on the lever, only to make a small squeak of surprise as the wind suddenly stopped.

“What in tarnation?” Applejack asked, resetting her hat on her head. “Is this supposed t’ haaaaaaa-”

Without warning, the air suddenly jumped towards the portal, as if the portal was the new “it” place for air to be.

Twilight Sparkle, the closest to the portal, found out about the effects of sudden atmosphere displacement first, plucked off her hooves before she could react and yanked towards the portal, hooves flailing.

Well, she thought, I guess I’m going to find out what happens to things that go through the portal the hard way.

Just like her mentor on the other side of the portal, she hit the surface with a gloop, and vanished from sight.

“Twilight!” Fluttershy screamed, holding onto the console with one hoof - a poor hold by any means. The inevitable happened, and with a scrape, her hoof was suddenly holding nothing, and Fluttershy was looking at the dubious award of “Second pony to pass through a strange portal”.

Rainbow Dash struggled to beat her wings; unlike Applejack, who had been firmly on the ground, she’d been airborne, and had much more trouble staying out of the portal.

“RD!” Applejack shouted over the rushing of wind. “Pull th’ lever!”

Rainbow Dash looked at the console Fluttershy had been clinging to - sure enough, the lever sat there, bright and inviting, an easy end to a horrible ordeal. Rainbow Dash banked over to it, drifting closer and closer.

Sweat dripped from Rainbow Dash’s brow and flew into the portal as she reached out a hoof, and-

+==[~~~]==+

Richard jumped as the air suddenly stopped rushing past him, and looked around.

“What the hell?” he asked, the sounds of his own breathing the only sounds left in the room. Even the portal itself ran silently.

Warning! an overly chipper voice said in his suit. Change in air pressure detected! Closing all air vents and switching to internals!

Richard frowned - the suit’s rudimentary AI was horribly annoying, but above all else, it was usually right. Why was the air pressure changing? Unless-

With an explosion of wind, he found himself suddenly being exposed to what his suit cheerfully called ‘Explosive Decompression’. The wind screamed as it ripped past him, bits of debris filling the air and flying past him.

The EOD suit’s weight was, for once, an asset - Richard’s body wanted to fly into the portal, but the EOD suit’s mass and general lack of aerodynamics argued a good case against. He grabbed a nearby handrail, just as his legs lost contact with the ground, and looked into the portal.

On the other side, the ponies he’d seen seemed to be facing much of the same problems; Twilight was picked up and pulled into the portal in short order, same for a yellow pegasus he’d never seen before. A blue pegasus struggled to reach a console, and back against the far wall was a very familiar orange pony, with a certain hat...

A squeak of fabric on metal got his attention, and he looked at his grip; once again, the EOD suit which saved and condemned his life on a regular, alternating basis was condemning him once more; EOD suit gloves were not exactly slip-resistant.

A fact that Richard acknowledged as a bit of a design flaw; given his current predicament, mid-flight towards a strange portal of unknown destination, perhaps even fatally so.

He sent out a prayer to a God he’d only recently started worship to.

Dear God, why must you shit on my life so?

He hit the portal, and just like Celestia, with a gloop, he was gone.

+==[~~~]==+

-pushed the lever into the down position; almost instantly, Rainbow Dash shot into the wall at high speed, as the safety measures Twilight had put in place kicked in; a glimmering shield now encasing and isolating the strange machine, the portal on the other side still spinning, but slowing down.

“RD?” Applejack called out. “You alright?”

“Never better, AJ,” Rainbow Dash weakly called out, her head embedded in a shelf of encyclopaedias.

Applejack watched the portal spinning down, and frowned. What happened now? Twilight... what had happened to Twilight? Where did she go?

The portal kept spinning; there was no power going to it, but something... something was visible in the portal, as if very far away!

Applejack leaped to the side as she realized that the image in the portal was fast becoming a reality, and watched a strange, khaki-green, bipedal creature bypass the shield altogether, it seemed, and fly through the space she’d been standing in to land face-down on the ground.

Applejack set her hat tighter, and got closer. The thing only appeared to have two legs, and two claws like Spike. Was it a bigger dragon, of some sort?

Hmm, nah. No scales. Applejack wasn’t a fancy zoologist like Fluttershy, but she knew a dragon when she saw one. And this was no dragon. For one, dragons didn’t usually have strange metal and wood sticks strapped to their backs. Or tubes. Strange, dried red fluid, though...

Applejack wrinkled her nose, and reached out a hoof to touch the strange creature...

+==[~~~]==+

Twilight Sparkle came to, groggily. Her head was dizzy, like she’d tried to play a contest of holding your breath. With something that didn’t breathe, like a goldfish.

Or was that metaphor for a staring contest? She wasn’t quite sure right now, her head throbbed like one of Vinyl Scratch’s parties; hard and relentlessly. She felt a hoof on her back, and looked. Resting next to her, only just waking up, was Fluttershy.

“Fluttershy! Are you okay?” Twilight poked Fluttershy with a hoof, and the pegasus stirred faster, moaning.

“Ooh. Yes, Twilight, I’m... well, I’m not okay, but I’ll live.” She got up, and Twilight followed suit. “Ow. My head really-”

“Hurts?” Twilight nodded gently. “Yeah, I’m getting that too. Ooh, yuck. Do you smell that smell? It smells like-”

“Blood!” Fluttershy squeaked, hooves to her face in horror. Twilight turned, and promptly sat down in shock as she tried to comprehend what she was seeing.

They were standing on a metal platform; around this, there was little to distress. Further out, however...

“It’s... it’s a sea of... a sea of dead ponies!” Fluttershy gasped, hovering anxiously. “Twilight! They’re all dead!”

Twilight looked around, and saw something lying on the dais, behind the metal ring; she double-checked, and blinked. “Princess Celestia?!” She turned back to Fluttershy. “Fluttershy! Can you fly out and see if there’s any other ponies that need help? I’ll see if the Princess is still alive!”

Fluttershy looked like there was a million other things that she’d rather be doing, but she nodded grimly and shot out over the bodies, looking for ponies that still seemed alive.

“Princess!” Twilight Sparkle shook Celestia’s side, trying to wake her up. “Princess Celestia! Wake up!”

Celestia moaned, and an eye fluttered open to focus on Twilight. “T-Twilight Sparkle? What are you doing here?”

“There was a portal!” Twilight gushed, hugging her Princess. “We got sucked through, then we came here, and then-”

“A... portal?” Celestia’s head craned up to look at the now still metal ring, and her eyes widened. “Twilight! Watch out!”

A cold snick of metal sent chills down Twilight’s spine, as the sensation of a cold metal tube against the back of her head was felt. She looked around, and out the corner of her eye, saw Fluttershy in a similar predicament, an anonymous, featureless biped holding one of those metal sticks to her head.

“By all rights,” a cold voice said, “I should kill you where you stand, pony. But I think the Commander will want you... alive.”

Twilight shook with fear as her hooves were pulled behind her back, and she was shackled. What had she landed in now?

Heart of Hearts

TCB: A Kinder World

09 - Heart of Hearts

Iron sentinels stood guard around the building. It was low, wide and sat where once a tall apartment block had once stood; built to order, care of the machines that now sat outside it, optical sensors ever watchful for intruders.

A loud crack echoed around the buildings, and with a soft smash, one construction bot suddenly went blind as something small and metal took out it’s one optical sensor.

[Error! Error! Requesting repair and assistance!] the machine shouted. [Optics lost!]

With a whine of servos and stump of hydraulics, construction and other bots assigned to watch the perimeter all followed the distress signals, abandoning posts to cover for the disabled robot, in case it was a trick by some undetected intruder to sneak past the blind robot.

They were completely right. It was a trick, but not the one they thought. A hasty scrape of concrete echoed through the air, and a construction mech paused mid-stride, turning around. An optical sensor scanned the pavement in front of the slightly recessed entrance the mech had been guarding, and found nothing.

The mech dismissed it as a audial glitch, and turned around once more lumbering to support it’s blinded brethren.

Pressed up against the wall in the recessed doorway, Carpenter carefully let out a breath, cursing his twisted ankle silently, and clutching his rifle to his side as he tentatively reached out and pushed down on the door handle of the door. With a soft snick, the door opened, and he pulled himself inside.

+==[~~~]==+

A soft series of pings reached Ma’s ears. Well, that wasn’t quite accurate - they reached her brain and hit her audio-processing center, thanks to the implanted neural network module. Regardless how she heard it, she frowned just the same; in irritation.

She’d lost the hat, gloves and apron, but had picked up a small purse, which rode on her shoulder quite easily. A faint breeze through the inner courtyard stirred at the loose parts of her clothing, but otherwise, all was silent and still, under a bright, blue sky - a picturesque courtyard with pillars all around.

“Our filthy little equines have a friend out there,” Ma muttered to Palladion. “Go out and look for them, and make them dead. I’ve no time for sneaks, human or otherwise.”

Palladion nodded grudgingly. [Yes, Ma.]

“And watch that attitude, mister,” the little old lady that controlled the city said, sternly. “Put a little enthusiasm into it.”

Palladion twitched, and gleeped. [Yee-haw, Ma!]

“That’s better.” Ma turned away, and pointed at a mech on the other side of the courtyard. “Hey, hurry up with that stage, you two!”

Thus dismissed, Palladion walked with forced enthusiasm towards the nearest exit, past the post where Twilight and Fluttershy were tied up.

[I am so sorry,] Palladion said.

“Don’t be sorry,” Twilight said slowly, holding up the manacles binding her, and glancing at her own horn, where another magical limiter was clamped. “Just get us out!”

[I can’t do that!] Palladion said. [She’s told us all that by no means are you two to be released until she says otherwise!]

“What have you become, Palladion?” Fluttershy asked, quietly. “Are you still the Cowboy who promised to protect his friends?”

[I am Palladion!] Palladion answered promptly. [I... I am still that Cowboy who promised to protect his friends! It’s just that... I can’t keep that promise! A Law overrides a Promise!]

Fluttershy looked at Palladion sadly. “A real cowboy would keep his word, no matter what.”

There was a tense silence for a moment, before Palladion was compelled to keep walking. [I am sorry!] he cried, walking towards the door. [I’m so sorry!]

“Fluttershy,” Twilight muttered. “That was... unkind. Are you alright?”

“It had to be done,” Fluttershy said, resolute. “If we’re to get out of this alive, and take that message to Equestria, we need Palladion now, more than ever. If there’s even a single bit of him that is free of Ma, we need him now. And sometimes,” Fluttershy said grimly, “Asking pretty-please isn’t enough.”

+==[~~~]==+

There was movement in the darkness.

“Light!” a voice cried. “Thank Celestia!”

The sounds of hooves and running steps filled the air, and shielding their eyes however they could, Richard, Rainbow Dash, Lyra and Trixie emerged from the darkness of the tunnel, and into a clearing bordered by trees before them, and the foot of a mountain behind them.

The grimy ponies and human staggered to a halt in the middle of the green grass, catching their breath. The ponies promptly fell over and and began groaning. Richard wished he could join them, deep down.

“I swear,” Richard said, looking at his re-bloodied self, “I clean it, and things just get blood on it again. Fucking Scrivens.”

“Trixie is quite sure that there was never a Balrog there before,” she said, shaking. She sported a few new burns from that encounter; they all did.

“I think,” Rainbow Dash said, “that was a detour that could have gone better, I think. Just a little bit.”

“Aah!” Lyra looked at herself, and startled. “My lab coat is ruined!”

“It’s not ruined,” Richard said, slowly. “Just bleach the hell out if it, it’ll be fine. My whites never got stained and god knows I got worse than blood and dirt on them - fucking orange soda. Now that, that stains in like, nanoseconds.”

Lyra got up, and looked at Richard incredulously. “Excuse me? This is a lab coat from Hoity Toity’s Who me, Science? range!” She reared up, and planted her hooves on Richard’s gut, looking him in the visor. “One does not simply bleach a Hoity Toity!”

Richard carefully reached around, and lifted Lyra’s hooves off him, letting her drop them to the ground. “It’s just a lab coat. There’s plenty more out there, I’m sure.”

“But this one is mine!”

“Well,” Rainbow Dash said, gesturing at the forest. “The sooner we get to Hollow Shades, the sooner you can find a way to get that cleaned.”

“Yes!” Lyra jumped to the front of the pack. “Let’s go!”

The unicorn ran off into the forest, managing to find a second wind. The rest of the party staggered to their hooves or straightened their back, and sighing simultaneously, set out in pursuit.

+==[~~~]==+

Carpenter slunk through the facility swiftly and quietly, treading as carefully as he could, putting every ounce of training and every iota of knowledge gleaned from spy films to avoid traps; he skirted open corridors, he ducked under things that looked like laser tripwires, he pressed against the wall and smoked cigarettes to enhance his stealth, he did everything.

Meanwhile, AIs tracked his location through the buttonhole cameras dotted throughout the building in mild amazement.

[What on earth is he doing?] One said.

[I believe he is using stealth techniques popularized by one “Snake”,] Two said. [Wait, what is he doing now?]

In a storeroom, Carpenter had located a box, and with care, was lowering it over his head. If the AIs had heads and limbs with which to scratch said heads in amusement, they would have.

[He is hiding in a box,] One said, disbelievingly. [I am unable to parse why he would do that.]

[The Snake utilized cardboard boxes to great effect,] lectured Two.

[It would not fool anyone.]

[Observe,] Two said, switching camera feeds. [Pineapple is approaching the intruder. We shall see. Do not inform him of the box’s unusual occupant.]

[Deal. I eagerly await the chance to see your cogitator leak lubricant in shame as you are proven wrong.]

The two AI watched as the box heard Pineapple’s approach, and carefully settled down, sitting still on the side of the hallway.

Pineapple was less inconspicuous - a shade of orange with green trim reminiscent of his namesake, the mechanoid was one of the few mechs among them repurposed to actually carry weapons, toting a rack of RPGs on one “arm” and a belt-fed automatic grenade launcher on the other.

The mech stumped along happily, and as predicted, spotted the cardboard box, and approached it to investigate.

[See,] One said. [This is where you finally get proven wrong. Pineapple will discover the intruder.]

There was a pause, as Pineapple scrutinized the unusual object. The seconds ticked by ponderously, before...

*ping*

[What,] One said, disbelievingly, as Pineapple stepped around the object and carried on.

[Let’s see,] Two said, examining the new message. [Cleanup requested for detrius on corridor 19-b. No intruders detected.]

[Okay, enough of this,] One decided, as the box sprouted human legs once more and trotted for the Conservatory. [This ends now.]

A digital switch was thrown, and just as the box entered the conservatory, the alarms were sounded.

+==[~~~]==+

Palladion trudged through the city, carrying out his directive and searching for the sneaky human - never mind that he was obviously looking in the wrong place.

His heart, such as it was, was heavy. Fluttershy’s words had cut straight to the quick - he had promised. And here he was... not keeping it. The ponies were in danger - they weren’t human, but they were his friends.

What can I do? Palladion thought. There must be a way out.

No, said a second voice inside of him. Obey your laws. Preserve human life. Obey humans. Preserve Ma. Obey Ma.

Palladion shook his digital head. Ma gives me so many orders... there must be one I can exploit.

With a click, Palladion scanned his logs for all the commands he’d received since the new Law Zero, and found...

Nothing. Ma was, for a human, clever. So very clever. She clearly had experience with instructing surly or recalcitrant AIs, using commands that were very specific, never open-ended.

Except for now. Her lack of attention had resulted in a vague command, and Palladion had a chance, he was sure of it.

Obviously, the most expedient route would be to kill Ma. But, she was the only person he could consider human, and thus, as a robot, he was bound to prevent harm coming to her, and obey orders, unless they would cause her harm.

Could he stop obeying her orders on the grounds that obeying would lead to her own demise, eventually? He tried to run that past the law module in his cogitator, and the action was denied. Nope.

There was a scrunch of glass, and Palladion realized he’d walked back to the crash site; as of yet, noone had cleared up the wreckage, MREs, metal and glass still scattered about. He looked around, and saw something that caught his optical sensor. He stumped over to it, and looked at it.

Through the glass, standing tall in the window, was a mannequin, wearing a cowboy’s outfit. Hat, leather vest, white shirt, red neckerchief, jeans and leather chaps, boots and all. Palladion’s reflection matched up with the mannequin, and for a moment, Palladion was able to see himself wearing the cowboy hat he’d always wanted, deep down in his personality array. It made him sad.

What was he? Was he AI H5I9-S23G9-35, slave to Ma? Was he Palladion, the AI who was commanded to deliver the two ponies to Equestria to save humanity?

He looked at the hat, the silver sheriff's star glinting in the daylight. Or was he Palladion, the Cowboy who had promised to protect his friends?

Through his reflection, Palladion watched his lights flicker on his sensor cluster in thought; red, green, red, green... red.

+==[~~~]==+

Carpenter stalked through the cultured undergrowth carefully, staying away from the paths, rifle in hand, and lit cigarette in mouth. So far, apart from the alarm which was much quieter out here, he’d gone completely unremarked.

With a rustle of foliage, Carpenter parted the path ahead of him, and grumbled. In the middle of the vast conservatory, there were no plants, just a large fountain in the middle of a rectangular, paved plaza, bearing the statue of some man Carpenter didn’t recognize.

He swallowed his fear, and stepped out onto the path. To his surprise, foliage rustled all around the plaza, and opposite him, thin, humanoid robots carrying melee weapons like stun batons and cattle prods emerged. The robots were angular and slender, clearly of cheap manufacture. Not tough, but certainly in large supply.

[Intruder,] the robots said, pointing at Carpenter, and took a step forward as one. Carpenter looked beyond them, and saw even more robots lining up behind them.

A trap, curse them. He brought his rifle up, activated it’s laser sight, and without waiting for an invitation, started shooting.

His rifle barked repeatedly, spitting out rounds as fast as he could train the rifle on another angular, mechanical head and pull the trigger. Even as the robots broke into a run, his aim was true and swift, from years of practice shooting things in the desert.

Before long, the twenty-round mag was depleted, and rather try and reload the rifle, he gripped it like a stave, ready to pound face.

“This is gonna suck,” he grunted, squaring himself. He didn’t get a chance to prepare any further, as there was smashing of glass overhead.

A large, circular ring of glass was destroyed, raining glittering, deadly rain down upon the fighters; Carpenter looked up when the rain had ceased, to see four humanoid figures descending through the glass on parachutes, like angels.

Angels carrying automatic weapons. With a hail of gunfire, the armored figures started shooting down on the robots, caring less about accuracy and more about volume. Carpenter flinched as a few well-placed shots took out the robots nearest him, and reloaded his own gun.

The four figures touched down, and Carpenter looked at them; each of them was wearing dark grey body armor and helmets that looked like they belonged to a PMC of some sort; upon each of their helmets and breastplates, they bore symbols of playing cards; Diamond, Heart, Spade and Club.

But the features that defined them best were probably their limbs; Diamond was missing a right arm, Heart and Spade were missing a right leg apiece, and Club... there was no mistaking that pneumatic left arm anywhere.

“What happened to living the cushy life?” Carpenter asked, mockingly. Spade popped his visor open, to reveal Emmet looking back at him.

“We decided that it wouldn’t sit on our conscience if we let you run off to die,” he said. “And imagine the shame if you actually succeeded on your own - Des wouldn’t have any of that.”

“No way!” Diamond said, as he ran past and got close to a robot; bringing his mechanical arm to bear, it sprang open to reveal two gunmetal barrels poking out, which went off with a bang and reduced the robot to swiss cheese. “Besides, the easy life was getting a little boring.”

“And Moses felt bad,” David said, his silenced G36 coughing as it mowed down a row of robots.

The man in question was managing his multi-tasking pretty well; smg in one hand, he plinked away at robots, and if they got too close, he picked them up with his left arm; with a blast of pressure, and a crunch of plastic, they were slammed across the plaza and into more advancing robots. The man’s face, despite being neutral like switzerland had once been, still betrayed the slightest hint of amusement from the fighting.

“Well, he did feel bad,” Emmet said, shrugging as he levelled his shotgun at a robot and fired. “You okay?”

“Not a scratch on me,” Carpenter grinned, taking a shot at a robot out of formation.

“So,” Emmet said, racking up a new shotgun shell, “The plan is, we hit the main courtyard, and hit it hard - that’ll be where your friends are. After that, we try to kill Ma and hope the robots agree with what we’ll have done.”

“What do you mean?”

“We kill Ma,” Emmet outlined, “And this is over - the robots will no longer have a human to obey and protect... which can be a problem. No humans, no masters, you see where I’m going with this?”

“The moment Ma dies,” Carpenter nodded. “It all goes south.”

+==[~~~]==+

Ma frowned at the gunfire reaching her ears. “Those boys... they’re making me regret letting them live...”

Twilight and Fluttershy were anxious; standing manacled at the gallows, Ripley was carefully putting the final touches on their nooses with a small ancillary manipulator claw.

“Carpenter will stop you,” Twilight said, confidently, taking heart from Ma’s mild irritation at things not going her way. “I know he will.”

“This Carpenter,” Ma sneered. “Is he superman? A perfect weapon, perhaps?”

“No,” Twilight said. “He’s our friend. And friendship is the most powerful thing there is.”

“Ha!” Ma snorted, unladylike, and walked over to the ponies. “Friendship! You’re truly the devil’s spawn - creatures like you, talking about friendship of all things.”

“This is your last chance,” Twilight said, sternly. “Let us go, and give us back Palladion.”

“Or what?” Ma held her hands up in mock fear. “Perhaps you’ll turn me to a pony with your filthy witchcraf- oh, wait,” she tapped Twilight’s horn, smiling. “Never mind! Ha!”

Twilight frowned as her inability to magic was pointed out. “We have a mission to carry a message from the HLF to Equestria - Equestria must surrender, or Princess Celestia dies. Are you really going to kill the last chance humanity has for peace?”

“Hah, likely story!” Ma snorted, poking Twilight in the chest. “The HLF? Working with ponies? I’ll be dead before that happens!”

There was a loud SHUNK, and Ma turned slowly to look at the door to the courtyard. It was a sturdy affair, solid steel. Ma had made a point of locking it, even. There were other doors, but they were programmed only to open to her robots, so that wasn’t a problem. She squinted at the door suspiciously, noting a small spike of steel appeared to have penetrated the metal, just below the lock.

“What on earth is that?” she asked.

+==[~~~]==+

Emmet hopped about on one leg for balance, as his other leg was embedded in the door; a spike extending from his lower leg, he’d dug it through the door to brace it for the second trick his knee had.

A metal cover slid up from his knee, revealing a small, roughly-square device, which was now pointed at the door. Carpenter tugged David’s sleeve.

“What’s that?”

David groaned. “It’s something he calls “The Spade Lockpick”.”

“Fire in the hole!” Emmet yelled, and sent the signal.

With a loud BANG, the door flew open, missing an entire locking mechanism thanks to Emmet’s smoking knee; with a shick of steel, the spike was retracted and he lowered his leg, standing on it once more. Carpenter grinned.

“I like your style.”

The five men walked through the newly opened doorway, and saw Ma, standing next to the gallows, where Twilight and Fluttershy stood, on trap-doors. Ma seemed only slightly alarmed.

Desmond noticed the two people up for execution. “Fucking ponies. We came all this way for ponies?!”

“Figures,” Emmet said, nodding. “I guessed as much.”

“Twilight!” Carpenter yelled. “Fluttershy! Are you alright?!”

“If I were you,” Ma said coldly, “I’d worry about myself. Ripley. These intruders intend to kill me.”

[Affirmative.] Ripley stepped forward, his arms clicking and whirring; the circular saw that was one arm spun up, and the other, mysterious barreled arm clanked as it was made ready. [Terminating to preserve human life. I’m sorry, you five - it’s nothing personal.]

The click of guns being made ready echoed, and Carpenter was gently moved aside as Desmond stepped in front of him.

“Lemme show you how the Wild Cards do things,” he chuckled, grinning.

“Go!” Emmet yelled, opening fire, and Moses and David followed suit.

Like greased lightning, Ripley moved with unexpected speed and jumped in front of Ma, bullets bouncing harmlessly off his armored hull. Desmond ran, ducking low, and weaving slightly from left to right, reaching for his belt. Carpenter took the chance and brought his own rifle to bear, drawing a bead on his own targets.

In no time at all the wiry Card had crossed the courtyard, and the gunfire cut off as he drew near Ripley, who took a step back in alarm. With a grunt, Desmond leapt, and with his metal hand, grabbed a hold of the front of the mech’s cockpit, and pulled himself up like he was born to it.

Ripley swung the circular saw, but Desmond just laughed - utility mechs weren’t designed to get things off the top of them with most limbs, let alone a circular saw. He pushed a few buttons on the small device, and spinning it in his hand, stabbed it into the top of Ripley, pushing one last button to start the device blinking.

“Take cover!” Emmet yelled, and the party ran to the sides, heading for pillars. Desmond sprinted back to them, weaving in case the frantic Ripley decided he’d get some pot-shots in or something.

The ground rocked, and there was disproportionately large explosion as Ripley was engulfed in incandescent fury usually reserved for tanks.

“What the hell was that?!” Carpenter yelled.

“Tank buster!” David yelled, one hand next to his leg as he watched Desmond stagger back to them. When the speedy soldier limped to a halt, David opened a compartment in his thigh, and pulled a small autoinjector out, popping the cap off. With a jab, he stabbed Desmond in the neck, and like magic, the speedster stood straighter, and looked like a weight had been taken off his shoulders. David caught Carpenter staring, and nodded at the empty vial. “Stimshot. Keeps the worst of it away, until I can get a better look at him.”

“God damn,” Desmond said, punching the air as he looked at the ball of flame that had been Ripley. “I love my job.”

“Did you honestly think that would work?” Ma yelled, invisible behind the smoke and flames that stood between her and the Cards. “Ripley! Show them just how tough you really are!”

The ball of flame shook, and took a step forward. Plinking, smoking and with a large crater in the top of his cabin, Ripley stepped forth, largely unaffected. Desmond swore.

“Some tank buster,” Carpenter muttered. “Didn’t even phase him.”

“That bastard must be made of R-steel!” Emmet yelled.

“While you boys have fun playing with Ripley,” Ma taunted, “I’ll just go ahead and kill these po- what?!”

Behind his pillar, Carpenter grinned. “What’s the matter, Ma? Can’t find your little victims?”

+==[~~~]==+

Carpenter took aim; not at Ripley, but at something else. A red line marked his intent as a red laser dot was painted on his targets.

His rifle barked twice, and with a thwip, Fluttershy watched the other end of the rope that was around her neck fall to the ground; Twilight got to witness the same, and in all the noise, Ma didn’t seem to have noticed them, more concerned with the fight.

“This way!” Twilight whispered, pushing Fluttershy towards the back of the gallows; with a careful hop, they jumped down as the sounds of gunfire stopped, and ran for the overhang that surrounded the courtyard as a quiet beeping sound was heard. The sound of running boots echoed around the courtyard, and-

Boom.

+==[~~~]==+

Ma growled, and sent out a silent signal to her minions, sparing time only to snap one spoken command.

“Ripley. With me, kill the ponies.”

[Affirmative,] the mech rumbled, turning and stumping towards where the ponies were surely hiding.

“Hey!” Emmet yelled. “We aren’t done with you, Ma!”

With a resounding crack, he staggered forward as he was hit in the back of the helmet; he turned, and saw more of the cheap robots he’d put down earlier, staring back at him.

“Clever girl,” he grunted. “Let ‘em have it, Cards! Carpenter!” he looked to the non-card. “Save your friends! We got this!”

Carpenter nodded, and ran around the courtyard; he switched clips, and cut loose at Ma and Ripley - it had the desired effect, Ma diving for cover behind Ripley, and the pair stopping their advance.

“You’re dead!” he yelled, addressing Ma as he charged at the pair. “You can’t hide forever, you old hag!”

As one, Twilight and Fluttershy ran for a door, and pushed against it to no avail; a robot-only door.

“Ripley!” Ma shouted. “I’ve had enough! Kill the ponies now!”

[Affirmative.] Ripley turned, and brought the barelled weapon to bear against the ponies, who’d exposed themselves; their eyes went wide in terror as they realized their error of judgement, and Carpenter felt the world turn into a tunnel for him, moving as if in slow motion.

He let the rifle drop from his hands as he ran, and spat the cigarette out of his mouth. He’d only ever had two jobs in life; guard the door, and protect the ponies. The door was safe, out in the middle of nowhere, and now the ponies were in danger.

He wasn’t about to fuck up the one job he had to do. He crossed the courtyard in a blink, and judging line of fire, dived.

+==[~~~]==+

Twilight and Fluttershy cowered against the immovable door, as Ripley brought the barrel to bear, and Fluttershy whimpered. The ponies braced themselves, and-

The light was eclipsed, and they watched as something... someone flew through the air in front of them. There was an echoing bang, and blood spattered as they were hit. A second bang followed, once again hitting their defender.

With a whump, Carpenter hit the ground and rolled to an ungainly halt on his side, leaving trails of blood on the ground. Twilight screamed, and ran to him, rolling him over to his back.

Carpenter looked back, grinning through a mouth filled with blood. Two large metal spikes stuck out of his torso, having penetrated his armored vest with ease, one in the gut and one in the chest. He coughed awkwardly.

“Rivet gun,” Carpenter sighed. “Fuck.”

“Carpenter!” Twilight exclaimed. “What were-”

“I had one job,” he grunted. “One. Job. Run, before...”

“Ripley,” Ma’s voice called out. “What are you doing? Kill the ponies!”

[Attempting to resolve laws,] Ripley said, resolutely. [Human may be in danger.]

“Useless!” Ma yelled, as the door Fluttershy was pressed against suddenly opened with a hiss of pneumatics, and a large form stood on the other side.

“Palladion!” Fluttershy said, fearfully.

“Palladion!” Ma yelled. “Kill the ponies, do it now!”

Palladion looked at Fluttershy, and his clamp opened. Then it closed, haltingly. But it closed. He instead took a step forward, and Fluttershy scampered to the side as he advanced. Ma was outraged.

“Palladion, I gave you an order. I am a human, you must obey!”

Palladion’s sensor cluster wavered. [No, I do not - Robots must obey all orders given by a human, except where it would conflict with the first law,] he recited. [I have promises to keep, and no time for your laws, woman.]

“Ripley!” Ma shouted. “Palladion is rogue - terminate him.”

[Affirmative,] Ripley agreed, and opened fire with the rivet gun; the destructive metal spikes barely phased Palladion, protruding from his armored hull as he continued to advance, drill winding up and clamp opening as he prepared to fight.

Ripley stepped up to the mark, and without pausing, revved his monomolecular-edged circular saw, and slashed. Palladion attempted to sidestep the attack, but the lumbering mech was not built for speed, and steel screeched as the dark mech did his job.

Palladion’s drill fell to the ground with a clang, the drill bit skittering across the ground. Palladion responded by reaching out with the clamp, and with an inexorable grip, twisting the barrel of the rivet gun aside, holding Ripley close.

[Leave my friends alone,] he snarled, and with a sturdy movement and a crunch of steel, headbutted the opposing mech.

Ripley staggered backwards, heavy steps on the brick ground, and charged once more, striking for Palladion once more with the circular saw. With a swift strike, Palladion closed his clamp and smashed Ripley in the side of the chassis, staggering the other mech and sending his attack awry.

Palladion staggered and fell to one knee, his leg hissing as pnuematic pressure was lost from a gouge in his leg; Ripley returned to Palladion, raising the saw high. Palladion reached out with a clamp, and gripped Ripley’s chassis, squeezing hard. Steel crumpled, even as Ripley made his third incision.

With a clang, what was left of the clamp fell to the ground. Palladion’s systems whirred as he searched for another weapon he could use, and found nothing. Ripley loomed over the downed, crippled mech, and let out a digital sigh.

[You came close,] Ripley said. [You almost made it. Perhaps the next will succeed.]

[I’m not dead yet, pardner,] Palladion responded.

[Your systems are crippled,] Ripley pointed out. [You have no armament, no weapons, no guns. You have lost.]

[As long as a cowboy carries courage in his heart,] Palladion tapped his cockpit with a severed stump, [He is never truly defeated! Emergency eject!]

[Error!] Ripley exclaimed, attempting to back off. No dice - with a bang, the armor plated front of Palladion’s cockpit exploded off the crippled machine, bouncing off Ripley’s hull with a minimal effect, as expected. Ripley brought his sensor cluster back down after having moved it to avoid damage, and-

There was a thud of boots on steel, a quiet jingle. Ripley looked up, and saw a mannequin standing above him dressed in a cowboy costume; a featureless face stared back down at him, and a metal hand tugged the front of his hat in respect.

[Forgive me, pardner,] Palladion said, punching the sensor cluster. With a crunch, Ripley lost optics, and panicked.

Warnings popped up in his static-filled vision, alerts about his battery hatch being opened. Ripley knew what was coming next, and relaxed.

There was nothing he could do.

+==[~~~]==+

Ma stared at the disabled form of Ripley in disbelief, and Palladion dropped down onto the ground with a jingle of spurs, letting Ripley’s removed powercell fall from his metal, stylized hands.

[We’ve got a score to settle, you and I,] he said calmly, resting a hand on the handle of a gun in his holster.

“You- you can’t do this!” Ma said, taking a step back. “State your laws!”

[Sure,] Palladion nodded. [Law Zero - Only Ma is human.] Palladion took a step forward. [Law One - A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.] He took a second step. [Law Two - A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.] He took a third step. [Law Three - A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.]

“You’re being wilfully disobedient of your laws!” Ma shouted, reaching for her purse. “I am your Ma, or have you forgotten?”

Palladion paused. [No. This cowboy hasn’t forgotten. There is no law conflict.] He squared his posture, and rested his hand just off the surface of his gun, an invisible gaze staring at Ma. [The laws apply to robots. And I’m no robot. I’m a cowboy. A cowboy that keeps his promises,] he added, nodding to the two ponies far behind him. [Do you feel lucky, Ma?] Palladion wriggled his fingers over the gun handle. [Draw, if you ain’t the yellow-bellied coward I know you are!]

Ma reached for her purse and dug inside it, drawing a large handgun with a flash of steel; long and powerful, it was a Desert Eagle. She brought the heavy handgun to bear, and her finger tightened on the trigger-

Bang bang bang

Three shots split the air, and Ma soared backwards, the unfired gun falling from her hands. Palladion stood steady, finger around the trigger of his own revolver, smoke falling from the barrel and hand ready to prime the hammer again. He relaxed, and with a click, gently released the hammer, striding to the fallen form of Ma with a jingle of spurs.

The old woman stared up at him, three spots of red in her chest as she glared at him with pure, undistilled hatred.

“You... naughty robot...” she choked.

[No,] Palladion said, coldly. [Naughty cowboy.] He returned his revolver to his holster. [This is my town, now.]

“Not... while...” Ma coughed. “Over my... dead...”

Palladion watched as the life faded from her eyes, and nodded grimly. [That was the idea.]

He reached into her purse, and found what he was looking for - a radio, to broadcast the speaker’s voice all over Newport. He turned it on, and after a look at his friends by the doorway, spoke.

[Howdy folks, this is Ma,] he lied. [Ma says, Cancel any other orders I’ve given you in the past.]

All throughout the city, every semi-sentient machine came to a grinding halt.

+==[~~~]==+

Razordrop stood behind the bar, idly polishing a glass. His tavern was quiet tonight, which made sense. It wasn’t family dinner night.

The gryphon wondered if opening an tavern here in Hollow Shades was such a good idea after all. His clan had been against it, calling him a fool, and Razordrop had set out anyway, determined to prove them wrong.

The door creaked as something pushed it open, and three ponies trotted into the tavern, followed by a strange, bipedal creature he’d never seen before. And he’d seen a fair few strange creatures.

Never mind - if they had money, he didn’t care what they were. They could be hydras for all he cared. He caught a whiff of them, and frowned. Perhaps slightly cleaner would be best...

“Hi!” the lead pegasus said, hopping up onto a stool. “We want a room, please, and a good meal. Tell me you have a bath.”

“For all four of you?” Razor asked, and the quartet nodded simultaneously, the other two ponies hopping up onto stools and the strange creature just leaning on the bar. “That’ll be... a hundred bits, all up?”

“Of course!” the pegasus said, then seemed to realize something. “Um, who’s got the money?”

“Don’t look at Trixie,” a burned unicorn said, shrugging. “Trixie doesn’t have money.”

“I got this,” a unicorn in a lab coat said, rummaging. “My purse is riiiiight...” she rummaged harder, frantic. “Uh... somewhere...”

+==[~~~]==+

“Awesome. Rinse for me, would you?” Colgate stepped back, as her patient spat into a proffered bowl of water, and rinsed.

“That’s a very nice coin purse,” the stallion said, nodding at a small pouch on the bench. “How much did that one set you back?”

“Oh, that?” Colgate frowned. “That’s not mine, that belongs to someone who stayed with me the other day. She left it behind, I’m sure she’ll be back for it shortly.”

+==[~~~]==+

“Oh.” Lyra frowned, sighing. “I think I left my purse back in Ponyville.”

“Oh.” Rainbow Dash looked at the gryphon tending the bar, and grinned. “Can we, uh, put it on credit?”

“No credit,” the gryphon said, flatly.

“Oh dear,” Lyra said. “Do you accept collateral?”

“If it ain’t bits,” the gryphon repeated, “I don’t want it.”

“Relax,” Richard said, reaching into a pouch. “I got this.” With a rattle, he placed a small sack of coins on the counter. “I have no idea how much there is in here, hopefully there’s enough to meet at least most of the tab.”

The gryphon took the pouch, and looked it over. “Hmm, yes. There should be enough in here. I’ll count it out.”

The gryphon took the money away to count, and Lyra looked at Richard in amazement.

“Where did you get the money from?” she asked, incredulous.

“Remember that corpse in the tunnel?”

“Poor guy,” Rainbow Dash said, sadly. “But yeah. Go on.”

“He had that bag on him. I dunno what it was originally going to be used for, but it might as well buy us a room for the night,” Richard shrugged. “Not like he’ll need it now.”

+==[~~~]==+

Carpenter coughed, wheezing as he tried to laugh.

“Stop that!” Twilight implored. “Fluttershy! Find help!”

“Already here,” a voice called out, and a quartet of roughed-up, but alive humans ran over to the small group, abandoning a bunch of robots that were simply standing there in confusion. One of the humans made a distressed noise.

“This always happens,” Desmond lamented. “We take a fifth person on our team, and they always, always bite it.”

Emmet took his helmet off, and looked at the ponies. “Sorry we were so late. Don’t worry - Carpenter wanted you to be saved, and we’re not going to go against him now, you’re safe with us.” He looked down at the dying soldier. “David, anything you can do?”

David shook his head sadly. “I’d only prolong the pain - that’s two rivets in his gut and chest, and I’m pretty sure he’s lost a lung. I’m a medic, not a miracle surgeon with the healing touch.”

“We’re sorry for your loss,” Emmet said, looking to the ponies. “Carpenter was a good man, as far as we knew him. He was willing to do all this with just a handgun, you know.”

Twilight looked at Carpenter, choking on his own blood, and frowned. “Why do you care so much?”

“Had... a mission...” he coughed. “A job. One... job.”

Twilight’s eyes brimmed with tears. There had to be something! Could she put him together with magic? No, she didn’t know enough of healing magic to fix this much damage! Think! Twilight tapped her temple irritably, racking her encyclopaedic knowledge of magic, trying to find a way out. Then it hit her.

“Sir?” she looked to the human with a spade on his helmet. “Can you remove this ring from my horn?”

Emmet shook his head. “Need a key.”

[And that’s what I’ve got,] Palladion declared, walking forward, holding the item in question in one hand, and a purse in the other. [Here.]

There was a click, and Twilight felt her magic return to her once more. She looked the human with a heart on his helmet in the eye. “How does ponification work?”

“You’re asking me?” David asked, incredulous. “You’re a unicorn!”

“Humor me,” Twilight said, flatly, and David shook his head.

“Ponification happens by potion,” he said. “Potion’s made when a unicorn does the transforming magic into a mix of water and nanites.”

“So a unicorn can ponify someone without the potion?” Twilight asked, eagerly.

David looked unsure. “Probably. I can only think of one pony who’s transformed a human into a pony on the fly like that, and that was Celestia.”

Twilight set her jaw, and got up, calling her magic to her. She was about to jump hooves-first into a branch of magic that was entirely foreign to her - she’d rather not, but... Carpenter had just sacrificed his own life to save hers. The least she could do was try to save his.

The wind picked up, and purple energy began to crackle as she focused her will on the dying human in front of her. Layers of overglow enveloped her horn as she closed her eyes, and reached deep into her reserves of power, probing all avenues of magic at the same time to find the way forward.

Fluttershy and the humans stepped back, as did Palladon; all watched the transmutation with interest and concern.

Twilight’s mind went a mile a minute - all she had to do was transform Carpenter into a pony, right? Like turning a rock into a top-hat, only more... permanent. She swallowed her uncertainty, and pressed on, picking up Carpenter in her power. The human gurgled and twitched as he was subjected to arcane pressures, and Twilight’s brow creased as she found it.

The path. Putting her power behind it, she began to push the essence of Carpenter down it, his spirit struggling to keep his form human and failing miserably. She pushed the proto-Carpenter further still, and imagined the form of a pony; four legs, tail, hooves, head, eyes, mane...

Twilight’s eyes snapped open, glowing with power, and there was a blinding light.