Equestria's Brightest Time-Travelling Zombie!

by Scintillance

Rating: teen
Tags: Lyra, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Bon-Bon, Adventure, Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe
Length: 7197

...Or the only one, really. It's hard to explain. But really, what else am I to call myself after a stroke of amnesia, and crawling out of a burial mound? Well, my name is Lance... and this, is my awkward excuse of a story.

...Or the only one, really. It's hard to explain. But what else am I to call myself after a stroke of amnesia, and crawling out of a burial mound?

See, I was reborn in the middle of the forest without knowing where I was, who I was, what I was... well, I assumed I'm a zombie. A strange, not-rotting zombie with magical light powers. Weird, eh? well, I've been collecting a few fragments of my past as I've gone my way after my "rebirth," some mental fragments of what I could do, or used to do, and some more... "physical" fragments showing up wherever I needed them, as if something's leaving them for me on purpose... I want to know what's going on, and I'm sure that with the help of a few new friends, I know I'll find my answers.
-

Right, well, GOOOOOOOOD AFTERNOOOOON BROOOONIES! or evening. or morning. or night. no not night, then y'all go to bed, and won't be bothered with this thing. Well, whatever your timezone is (must...resist urge... to say something racist...) hello! (thank celestia for general greetings) And welcome to my first attempt at a fanfic, after about one and a half forevers (or maybe two...) of never working up the courage to do anything! and yes, I am crossing this over from an RP, but hey, there''s no way I'm dumping my first, and favoritest OC down the trashcan of DOOM.

Is this a self insert? MAYBE! Romantic? MAYBE! Funny? MAYBE! Human in Equestria? PROBABLY NOT! I am making this stuff up as I go along folks, so fasten you seat belts and please do not stick your tongues out the window! (because the poor sods behind you are gonna get a face full of tongueslobber, and that's just as disgusting as it is unrelated.)

-Oh! and bonus points to Toodle Flip for being bothered with editing my nonsense!

Published 2013-04-28 18:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-30 20:16:04 UTC

Prologue: Darkness

“So tell us, who are you, and what in our name are you doing here?” A cloaked entity with a mare’s voice, and certainly above an average pony’s height stood on the other side of the iron bars.

Three stone walls, one set of magic-dispelling bars, a hay-stack of a cot, and a bowl of water… Classic prison, just like the ones from Twi’s fantasy books about dungeons and such. So that’s where I am. I’m still not quite sure what I’m doing here, but I hope missy McCloaky pants over there sure as heck does. And gets me out of here, I have a lot of questions that need answering. But unfortunately, I’m the one who’s imprisoned here, and if I’m getting anything from her, I might as well make sure she’s willing to answer. Nopony likes a spoil sport, and I’ve never been one for spoilers.

“Well, it was pretty strange… all of it… but I’ll see what I can do… how far I can remember…”

PROLOUGUE: DARKNESS
Darkness… it was all so… cold.

“And then the griffin ran his sword right through my gullet!”

“Oh that just sounds terrible! Please, go on!”

I couldn’t see a thing, but there were these two voices… one sounded like a stallion, and the other belonged to a mare…. Nay, she was a filly of a mare… a fare. No no that’s just weird, a milly! …I don’t think that’s an improvement.

“Go on? Are you even listening!? I just died, bud! What more is there to go on with?”

“Lies. Nopony just dies, there’s always their last thoughts, their last fears… one sec, let me just just…”

“Whoah whoah whoah, what are you doi-yeeeeeeeeeieieieing!”

Then I was suddenly given the strangest vision… It was only a glimpse before a large feathered creature -a griffin, as I’ve been told- shoved a sword right through my gullet. He pulled it out, and I fell to my sides, and the vision blurred. I was still in it, still seeing, though…

“No… LANCE!” some small objects then flew right into the griffin, and came out his other side… it was… disturbing. After his body toppled over, a black unicorn crouched down before me, calling out “Lance” over and over… that was how I figured that was my name. And then it all faded away, back to the darkness, and the cold shiver that accompanied it.

“Wow. Somepony could write a story about this.”

“I swear, more than half the time I felt like somepony was writing a story about me, but that’s out of the question. Unless all those fourth wall stories have any truth to them…”

“In that case, something is listening in on us even at this very moment…”

“Gee, that’s a warming thought. Hellooooooo out theeeere!” I wasn't sure if the voice was talking to me. I called out, but either it ignored me, or never heard me at all. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure if I even had a mouth attached, in that darkness… It was like I was a disembodied soul.

“You know, you weren't supposed to die.”

“…I wasn't?”

“You weren’t.”

“Huh. When Shade hears this, she’s gonna go bucking a couple more heads than she would anyway.”

“That’s why you’re here, though.”

“Oh?”

“I’m giving you a chance to save your life. To fix a mistake. My mistake.”

“Oh gee, no problem, I’ll be more than happy to help y- SUNUVUH! I’M DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!?”

“I’m-sorry-I-didn’t-mean-to-it-was-an-accident-I’m-trying-to-help-here-stop-yelling-at-me-please-stop!”

“…finished?”

“Not yet. WAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH! Alright now I’m done.” I think… the filly was crying. I think.

“When I’m through with this…”

“When you’re through with this, you won’t remember a thing.”

“Excuse me?”

“I can’t send you back knowing what will happen.”

“You expect me to fix your problem… without knowing what the problem is?”

“That’s right. Don’t worry; I’ll fill my sister in on the plan. Most strange ponies end up meeting her anyway.”

“Oh gee, like that’s… you mean she’s still alive?”

“Of course she is. Well, was. Well she still is, actually.”

“Omygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!”

“Oh put a sock in it.”

“Omygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygo-” I’m pretty sure I just heard a slap, right then and there.

“Alright, so does that make things any bit more worth the trip?”

“You think I’m gonna go with this crazy plan of yours without milking as much awesomeness from it as possible?”

“…Yes?”

“Feathers to the no! Let me think…”

“Am I going to regret this?”

“Yes. I mean no.”

“Am I going to have to give any… special, personal favors?” There was something suspicious about her tone. Almost suggestive…

“Yes. I mean…no! No! What!?”

“Aww…”

“E-excuse me?”

“N-nothing, I’m just having a little fun hahahaha!” That was totally a forced laughed.

“U-um… I’ll just… pretend to not suspect a thing… alright; I've got two requests. “

“Do tell!” I then heard a few "clinks" of metallic objects, hitting the floor, one after the other.

“First up, take these, and make sure they show up at different times. The last thing I want is to be overwhelmed by them… that, and it’ll make a more interesting adventure, unlocking my potential as I go along… kind of like that dungeon-trotter board game I used to play with my friends.”

“Reasonable. And your second request?”

“Uncanny luck.”

“I… can’t do that. It’s not under my jurisdiction. But I can be your guardian angel. I’ll keep an eye over you where I can’t be seen, and make sure nothing kills you. Close enough? Not like I wasn't going to do that anyway...” She finished that sentence with a low whisper, but she failed to make herself unheard.

“…close enough. Alright, let’s do this.”

“…that’s it? You don’t want any super powers or anything? Really?”

“Now now, Chrono, I’ve come from a war, remember? I can handle myself, and I can definitely handle this. Besides, what point is there in cheating in a game of Dungeons Trotter?”

“But… this isn’t a game, Lancey…”

“Lancey… I haven’t heard that in a long time. I think you know me from a lot longer than just now…” And at this point, I knew that the stallion's voice was my own... a memory... a dream...

“EEP!”

The voices were cut off, all of a sudden, and I thought I felt my body again. Now, you’d think that’s a good thing, but I’m not sure about that… I had a full-burning sensation, from head to hoof, like a shiver down the spine traded for burning ring of flame. And then, something was pressing on me. Hard. All over me. Turns out, I was buried alive… and I was suffocating.

“STOP! Please stop, you’re making no amounts of sense!” the mare in the cloak butted into my monologue. How rude.

“What… why’d you butt into my monologue! That’s just plain rude!” always think before you say something stupid, my little ponies!

“We just… you’re too confusing, Lance.”

She’s confused? “Trust me; I was a lot more confused by the whole thing than you were. I would know; I was there.” she sighed, at a loss, and finally set herself on her haunches.

“We understand that this shall be a long night.”

“You and me both, sister. Now where was I… oh yes! I was choking to death and burning alive under a pile of dirt…"

Author's Note

Confused? you should be! This prologue is an explanation for future event that I soooort of have figured out. I'm making things up as I go though, but I can assure you I have a plan: make stuff up that is related to the prologue! nah, joshing y'all, I already know what I'm doing here. Or am I? Only time will tell...

Chapter One: Zombies Smell pretty bad.

“The voices were cut off, all of a sudden, and I thought I felt my body again. Now, you’d think that’s a good thing, but I’m not sure about that… I had a full-burning sensation, from head to hoof, like a shiver down the spine traded for burning ring of flame. And then, something was pressing on me. Hard. All over me. Turns out, I was buried alive… and I was suffocating.”

CHAPTER ONE: LIGHT

I tried to breathe in a little, but all I got was a mouthful of dirt, which I immediately forced out, but then I was even more depleted of air. So what I did was try to move around, fast; really, it was more a result of me freaking out… thankfully, the earth that covered me was pretty soft, so I could start digging my way out by pushing on it upwards. And soon enough, the first shining ray of hope peaked through a dent in the darkness, but it was horribly blurred; I could feel a headache coming along from a lack of air, but I pushed on through, until that dent became a true window, a path for my release of my dirty prison.

I got out, and prayed to whatever gods helped me. Panting, sweating, breathing heavily and quickly, taking that fresh clean air in. And then one large inhalation through my mouth, and an exhalation through the snout. And then I passed gas. Oh don’t you give me that look, I was already suffocating, and if I dared to cut the cheese in there I would've never survived!
What happened next was that I settled down on my rear, and faced my previous prison of dirt, noticing that there was a small rock by it, with something carved into it. A closer look, and I read it aloud; “R.I.P. As Bright as Dull can be. What the… is this a grave!?”

I crawled backwards from what really looked like a grave, hurriedly, and admittedly, freaked out. I tried to figure out what happened… but other than the voices in the darkness, and the strange vision of dying, there was nothing. There was emptiness where memories once were. I was mortified; a victim of Amnesia. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what I was, and I didn't know what to do with myself. But… I did know that I hated zombies with every last bit of my soul… and I just realized that I was one. “WHAT the BUCK!” my shout was… well I don’t know how loud I was, but I’m pretty sure I saw a couple birds storm away from their trees in freight.

It wasn't long before I calmed myself; I didn't really have much to think about. Not of how my friends would react, not of what would happen next, not of being accepted by society anymore… I didn't remember any to think of. I looked down, and saw what seemed to be two brown hooves. I… didn't know what to think about them, other than see if I could stand. Doing so, I was sitting on my haunches, now, and with my front hooves raising me upwards. I then tried lifting my back hooves as well… and then I stood, lost, alone, and confused. But somehow, standing on these four hooves felt right.

I scanned my surroundings, trying to figure out where I was; large trees in every direction, except for the clearing in which I stood, my grave being in the center. Grass so green… a few red and pink flowers scattered over the ground, but I couldn't recognize anything by name. My best assumption was that I was in a forest… “Sure are Perceptive, aren't you?” The sound of my own voice… it was nice to get some sort of conversation going, in that lonely silence, but… “Wait, am I just going to start talking to myself? OK, I’m going insane. Less boring that way, I guess. I hope. Hey tree? Is insanity boring?”

“Nah, everything’s interesting when you’re insane!” I rubbed my eyes, thinking I was definitely losing it. Taking another look at the tree, it was perfectly normal. “Right… no more talking to myself, it makes cray cray…”

I made my way around the tree, and started what I hoped wouldn't be a long trek through the forest. I kept my guard up, always expecting something to strike at me… I didn't know why, it seemed like a habit from before I… well, died. “Lancey senses activating… beep!” I chuckled slightly, closed my eyes. And in turn really opened myself up to everything around me; the thick forest, the earth, the rustling trees, the distant birds, the rustling water… the smell of dead something-“ WHOA! eww, dead smell! Dang, I really need a good bath… ugh, I hate being dead…”

And stopped there. I heard Water. I wasn't thirsty, but water was definitely somewhere I could rid myself of the horrid smell… and trust me, the scent of dead things is worse that old people smell… MUCH worse. But that’s only a bonus, because what I really wanted was to know what I looked like, and water could do just that, having reflective properties and such. Actually, now that I think of it, that wasn't the thought on my mind, at the time; the dead pony smell had me sold immediately.

I picked up my pace, and turned my direction slightly to my right, towards the sound of water, and rammed myself head-first into a tree, realizing that I forgot to open my eyes. “maaaahm, I founth a qwartar~” I’m pretty sure my eyes were looking in two directions, then. Shaking my head briskly back and forth, I found myself on my back, rolled to the side, and picked myself up, resuming my trot to the ‘echo of aqua.’

“The ‘Echo of Aqua…’ that’s just beautiful, I need to write that down!” reaching towards my front pocket, I realized that I didn't have one… but, I realized that I was supposed to have one, and I knew well enough that my strange expectations had to be references to my past life. I wasn't normally this naked… and that thought disturbed me, suddenly. But for now, I had to put that thought aside.

The sound of water became the sound of a waterfall, as I found another clearing. I could see a river flowing from my left to my right, and on the far left, a Cliffside waterfall came rushing down. But what interested me was that there was another entity, brown like my fur, with its neck bent forward towards the river. It had long, skinny hooves and two large horns in a unique formation sprouting from its head. Two characteristics I knew we shared and I assumed that this was my kin. I approached the unknowing friend and cheerfully called out “OHMYGOSH HELLO ITS NICE TO SEE A FAMILIAR FACE OUT HERE can you help me out I’m kind of lost in amnesia here and I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going so would you please oh you already left ok… HEY WAIT! I DON'T SMELL THAT BAD!”

It was called a “deer,” as I found out later, and it had long already fled by the time I finished saying “help me.” I was… a little devastated, but when I neared the water, I figured that it left with good reason. He didn't know me, I didn't know him, we weren't even the same race, and either one of us could prove to be an enemy. I didn't like it, but I respected it, and that thought of racial conflict was, again, all too familiar.

Those thoughts aside, I could finally see my reflection in the slowly passing hydration. Looking back at me was a being with a muzzle similar to that of the previous deer, but shorter, and rounder. I had a short cut-brown mane, darker than my coat, and my eyes were a funky shade of yellow, “no… not yellow… gamboge… gamboge?” It felt like the right word, but I had no idea why I called it that; it felt like such a far-fetched word.

I turned to my side, and saw that I had a tail, strangely large, and of the same color as my mane. “How… did I not notice my tail this whole time..? Gee, perceptive as heck, and dull as ever.” And then it hit me; ‘as bright as dull can be.’ “Oh that was insulting my intelligence! Is that what was written on my gravestone!? What the heck was I remembered by..!” and then I noticed one last detail… on my flank. It was what looked like a yellow spiral, with three bent, spiked spires. “A… cutie-mark. Dang, that sounds girly as heck… why would I call it that? Unless…” unless it was another memory from my past. “But what does it mean? It means… light. More than light, but it’s something to do with light…”

The clearing was starting to darken… and I finally noticed that the sun had set, behind a mountain. “Five more minutes before the last remaining rays cease their arrival and I’m stuck in the dark… just great… I don’t like the dark…”

I need… light.

I could see a flash from my eyes reflected in the water, dimming to a gentle glow of yellow aura emanating from my eyes, but what really caught my attention was the floating ball of light before me. I backed away from it, and it followed. I stepped towards it, and it floated away. I looked away from it, and it shined over to where I was looking. And then I knew, it was my own conjuration. A work of my own will, my own command, my own magic… “…sweet.”

I was messing around with it, floating it high, low, everywhere it can go; “I’m a natural! … I… was a natural…” bit by bit, maybe distant, but I was building up on who I was, one accident at a time. and now I knew I have a cutie mark in... light. "tch, A zombie proficient with luminous magic. Hah! that's one for the storybooks!"

I then remembered how horribly I smelled, and just popped straight into the water, splashing about, cleansing myself of the foul smell. I watched the river flow downstream, and felt a very serious grief… “… Whatever poor, poor soul winds up drinking from these cursed waters, please forgive me…” but my thoughts were then interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream, deep within the forest…

Author's Note

welp, I already had chapter one finished, but unfortunately my editor has fallen asleep on me. >_>
so, I painfully edited my own work, feel free to assault me with the custom issued GR4-MM4R rifles. COME AT ME, GRAMMAR NAZIS!

Chapter Two: just choppin' up some firewood

I remembered how horribly I smelled, and just popped straight into the water, splashing about, cleansing myself of the foul smell. I watched the river flow downstream, and felt a very serious grief… “… Whatever poor, poor soul winds up drinking from these cursed waters, please forgive me…” but my thoughts were then interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream, deep within the forest…

CHAPTER TWO: PROTECT

‘Run… RUN!’ I made for a mad dash through the forest, and my lovely little orb’o’light floated by me. It’s funny; most would rather run away from a scary scream… but not me. Danger was the very place I wanted to be, especially when it wasn't my own life in question.

The woods seemed to take an eerie approach to them… the trees almost bent out of shape like monstrous eyes, their owl-holes almost bore fangs, and the branches almost creeped towards me like a predator’s claws… it was a very different nature, at night. Admittedly, I was scared. Scared out of my mind, but I kept running. I think it was my being afraid that made me run towards the dangers. I wasn't brave.

The scream got louder as I made my way and then I was certain that the trees were alive; I was suddenly toppled over by what felt to be a large block of wood, and then it stood over me. Two glowing yellow eyes in the dark, my orb too lost in concentration to shine a light over it. The strong scent of oak was eminent, and I was again, freaking out. Thankfully, I tend to swing my hooves about when I freak out, so it was all good, I gave it a couple hoof-slaps and it leaped away, barking angrily at me. I quickly got to my hooves and finally dragged my orb closer in a telekinetic grip, and it shone over the dark being.

It was another four legged creature, small, and made of wood… its eyes glowed yellow, hovering just barely over a long snout, armed with teeth of sharp-looking thorns. It wasn't alone. It snarled at me, and its threatening voice was joined by five others. Normally, I would’ve said something then, but I was paralyzed with fear.

And then I heard the scream again. It filled me with a new strength. I was ready. This was a fight or flight, and it was high time I chose. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” So I chose flight. Ran faster than a headless chicken on speed.

I ran through branches, I ran through, thorns, and dangit, I ran right through a pile of doggy doo doo. “OH COME ON! I only just took a bath! Oh… wait a minute, am I smelling… oak?” fun fact; timber wolf poop could totally make a great perfume. Well, if you like smelling like trees. Eww. Eww, no, I’m… never going to suggest that again.

I kept my gallop going through into an open clearing, and then realized it was a cliffs’ edge, and skidded to a stop, yelling (chanting) “OHSNAPOHSNAPOHSNAPOHSNAPOHSNAP” for the two seconds that I slid to a stop. And for the five seconds that I kept my eyes closed after stopping and just sitting there. Opening then, I immediately backed away from the cliff, and turned towards the barking beings of bark. “So this is the end… and to think I Just came back from the grave…” the creatures snarled and growled, barked and howled, stalked their way closer, and closer… but then the scream was audible once more.

It was a feminine’ voice. And ridicioulously close. In fact… I turned my head and looked over the cliff’s edge. Actually, it wasn't that far a jump, maybe about seven meters height. But right bellow me was another being, reminiscent to what I looked like in the water, and in a situation much like my own; where I was backed against a cliffs’ drop, she was backed towards a cliffside-wall. It was hard to tell in the dark, but she seemed to have a bright blue coat… reminiscent of a minty sea green, but too azure to be called the color of an olive. So, yeah, it was hard to tell.

“Heeeeeeey! What’s uuuup!” I called down to her, and she looked up at me like I as insane.

“What!? um… well, not much, just kinda scared for my life is all. You?” not sure how, but it was like we both just suddenly calmed down for a bit.

“Nah, same thing, really. So, uh, what are you-*BARK!* one creature came too close behind me and pulled my attention away. “Oy! We’re trying to have a conversation here!” one good buck through the snout from my hind hooves, and off it went, shattered to pieces of twigs, leaves and wood. “now where were we…” looking back down, it looked like the female was back in the moment, remembering that she was kind of surrounded by a pack of five timber wolves. “Oh… right…” And what I did next was, well, I jumped. I don’t think I bothered to give it a second thought; see, I already looked before I leaped, so it’s all good. ‘s aaaall good.

I need… to protect.

Time slowed, however, as I came falling down. My eyes were set on the wolf closest to the bright blue entity, and then I closed them. Mentally, I had a short vision of myself with a black being the like the one bellow, and an arrow was fired at her. Actually, the black being looked a lot like the one from my first vision, from before I awoke. I leaped between her and the arrow, and a flash of light shone from my forehead, and before me was a wall of light which the arrow had lodged itself within.

Back in the moment, the vision ended, and I came crashing right on top of the wolf I focused on before, but with something a little new. Where its neck used to be lay the bottom end of a large shield of light, its edges sharp, its flat sides strong, its brilliant light shining true, and it bore right through the creatures’ wooden build, and planted itself in the ground bellow. I pulled it out, with a little effort, and admired my new piece of work.

“Oh cool!” The wolves were definitely surprised, and backed away slightly, but other than that, they showed no signs of running. “Bring it on, bronies! I’m cold, and I’m sure y’all would make a decent campfire! …'Bronies?' 'y’all?' The heck did these come from?” I looked to the mare behind me, and all she was mid-face-hoofed before her eyes suddenly went wide, and she pointed at me shouting “LOOK O-“ and then there was a wolf on me. Again.

But this time, I have the “SHIELD OF JUSTICE!” and swatted it aside with a good ol’ slam of a telekinetically held shield. Of justice. The poor sod rammed into a tree, and shattered. “HECK YEAH!” back on my hooves, there were three more wolves, so I threw the shield at one of them. It… um… it landed between two of them and they kinda stared at it for a moment of confusion.

“Oh… ok, so I was never any good at Frisbee. I’ll keep that in mind next time…” the wolves turned their unhappy faces back on, and turned towards me, snarling all the way. “…if there is a next time…”

The mare who was behind me stepped up from my side, and I could see her slightly better now. Her muzzle was much smaller than my own, and much rounder. Actually, her entire body was smaller than me. I thought I must have looked like a giant to her. The color of her coat was still confusing me, but at least her mane made more sense; a combination of two colors, the first being snow-white , and the other color in her mane was a unique gray with a tint of blue. “Hold on, I got this one,” she said. I then realized that she had a horn on her forehead, and it suddenly gained an auricle glow, similar to the yellow glow surrounding my shield, except hers was a pale glow of bright turquoise. And then her Glow did cover my shield, phasing alongside my own, and it flew back towards us, ramming right on through one wolf and smashing it to bits before I caught it in my hooves.

I nodded to her, giving my “Thanks!” and walking ahead towards the two remaining wolves. All I did was, with a newfound confidence, say “…Bark.” And the two ran away, whining and yelping with their twiggy tails between their legs!

…OK, so that’s not what happened. But the second one did do that after I just jumped up and forced my two front hooves down on the first, before he had the chance to react. My shield then gave off one last radiant blast, and disappeared, leaving a strange, yellow ring in its wake. I picked it up, noting that I should question how my hooves could do that later, and frowned over it. it seemed large enough to fit over my hoof…

The minty mare then trotted up closer to me. Waaaay too close, “That… was… AWESOME!”

Author's Note

first fight scene! yeah! woohoo!
Alright, so, um, meet Lyra! I don't really know why I decided to add her in, kinda went "eenie meenie miney- oh feathers to this, I pick Lyra." but I guess that gives some new things to work with... oh, and I've decided to add relevant pictures to each chapter based on whatever Lance ends up doing. if y'all go back to chapter one, you'll see his cutie mark posted, and up here, his shield. I designed that thing a good while ago, don't hate xD

And this chapter kinda came a little (lot) later than I wanted it; I've been working on a collab for a later chapter with a good friend of mine all evening, so expect that in... chapter four, I think. It'll be fun!

Chapter Three: Forget Pinkie, Lyra talks too much.

…OK, so that’s not what happened. But the second one did do that after I just jumped up and forced my two front hooves down on the first, before he had the chance to react. My shield then gave off one last radiant blast, and disappeared, leaving a strange, yellow ring in its wake. I picked it up, noting that I should question how my hooves could do that later, and frowned over it. it seemed large enough to fit over my hoof…

The minty mare then trotted up closer to me. Waaaay too close, “That… was… AWESOME!”

CHAPTER THREE: PONY LOGIC

I fell over to my side, kinda not expecting my sea-foam friend to shout out in my ear like that… SEA FOAM! THAT’S her color! Gee, that’s one mystery solved… and the other, the ring. It was-

“Oh my gosh, hi! Thanks for saving me back there, looked like I wasn’t going to make it out alive! But then you came, and you were all VWOOOM! And then CRRRRRRK and then PCHOW! And then…” she was making some awkward hoof motions for every… sound effect, and making me a headache as well. I rubbed my hoof over my head, really feeling the temper rise, and then I had it. “And then they were all WHOO-MPH! mph mmmph mph mm?” I covered her mouth with both of my hooves, silencing the chatterbox at last.

“Please stop talking! I really don’t want to lose my mind, now. Alright?” She nodded, and I sighed in relief, removing my hooves from her mouth, and noticed that my face was dang close to hers. I gave off an awkward blush before-

“You’re not going to kiss me now, are you? Because Bon Bon would totally flip if she ever-” I immediately jumped away, turning my view towards the surrounding trees, and then to the ground before me.

“Nonono! I didn’t mean to do a thing! I was just shutting you up!”

“Oh really?~”

“Yes! Really!” she was 'really' starting to be a bother.

“Hmm… so, what are you up to, out in the middle of the forest?” she tilted her head to the side.

“I think I should ask you the same question…”

“Well I asked you first!”

“But ladies first, no?”

“You're right, ladies first... and I asked first!”

I was at a loss here. She was annoying, and dang it I didn't argue with that. I paused, shortly, trying to find the best way to explain my situation. I mean, saying I’m an undead zombie really wasn't the best icebreaker to get on good terms. Nor is saying that I have no clue as to who I was, what I was… actually I still didn't know what I was. I made a mental note to ask her, and said “Well, I just kind of came back to life, unburied myself from my old grave in the forest over there. I don’t really know who or what I am, so it would be nice if you had any clue.” One order of mental face hoof, please.

“You’re… what?” She replied with more than a hint of doubt in her voice before breaking into a short laugh “Now that’s just funny… Zombies are just another set of old pony tales!”

Ouch. “Well in that case, you doubt my existence! I can assure you that I am very much real!”

“Yeah. Nice try. Well now that I think about it, I don’t think I've ever seen you before…”

“-because I was dead!”

“Not because you were dead… I tend to miss a lot of ponies anyway… or you're just not from ponyville...”

“Ponies?” Ponies… maybe that’s what I was. “Is… is that what we call ourselves?”

And now she looked pretty confused. She shot me a glance that literally screamed ‘are you for real?’ No, not literally; figure of speech. “You’re… not kidding, are you?” I nodded, and she trotted close. Too close. Again. I started to think ‘ponies’ around here were very ignorant of personal space. Either that or she was. She pressed the side of her head against my chest, and I was back to the earlier blush.

“Um… what are you…”

“You’re definitely alive. Heart rate’s going as it shou-” I could felt a bit of an increase in my heart rate. “Uh… huh… well this is interesting… it looks like it’s going cray-”

I pushed her away, for obvious reasons “Can you please stop being so awkward!"

Another Questioning look from her. "Awkward how?"

"Awkward in the toughing! I don't like being touched!"

“Uh huh... well never mind that; as far as I can tell, you’re very much alive. you have a pulse and everything.”

"So you still don't believe in me being undead?"

"Not at all."

“Do I need to show you my grave?”

“No, but… actually, I think I’d rather you showed me your horn!”

WOAH! “WHOAH! WHAT!?”

“Your horn! You used unicorn magic, but you’re an earth pony!”

Unicorns, earth ponies, it was her turn to confuse me. “I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“How do you not… oh… no memories… ok, the difference between an earth pony and a unicorn pony is a horn on the forehead.” She gestured to her horn. “A unicorn’s horn channels their magic, and lets them do things like levitate objects, or, in your case, that magic glowing shield of yours.”

I turned my attention back to the ring, which was held in my hoof the whole time. I willed it to, and it caught the same yellow glow from before as it slid onto my left hoof. Thinking about the shield, the ring flashed a light once more, and I had the shield held in my hoof. “So you’re saying that I shouldn't be able to do this?”

“Yes, but… somehow, you are. A horn glows, and you… your eyes do. I don’t know how that works, unless you have horns in your eyes or… wait a minute…”

She started trotting close, again, and I was all “No! Enough with the random personal space invasion! This is no longer a free invasion zone!"

She sighed, rolled her eyes, and said in a monotone voice, “S.S. LYRA requesting permission to invade hair?”

I found it amusing, actually. “L.A.N.C. port-control granting permission to invade.” Unserious, but preferable, and I chuckled as I finished my reply. She was all over my hair within moments.

“Your glow doesn't just come from your eyes; it’s fading from under your mane, too, so maybe…” She pulled my mane back, leaving my forehead bare, save for the brown fur, and she gasped before instantly backing away. She stared at me like she just saw a ghost. “I’m… I’m so sorry! I didn't know!”

Now I was worried. “ Didn't know… what?”

“Your horn! It’s sawed clean off!”

I quickly shuffled my hooves over where my horn apparently should have be, under my mane, and found a small stub of bone; certainly small enough to hide under my mane. “Is… is this bad?”

“Bad? It’s terrible! This is the most sacred part of your unicorn-ness! And it’s sawed off! What kind of monster did this to you?!”

“I… I don’t know… I didn’t even know I had a horn…” she was over reacting as if it were her own right hoof sawed off in some brutal prison camp. I, on the other hoof, wasn't exactly bothered by losing what I never knew I had. It’s like an old book on your shelf that you never bothered to read; someone takes it away, and you never notice.

She was hugging me now. She did not ask to hug me. This did not amuse me. “You’ll be ok, I promise…”

“Um… I’m kind of already ok. Could you let go of me? please?” nothing. "Oh for the love of..." I then pushed her away somewhat forcibly. "I'm pretty sure I said something about the touching."

"Right... sorry.."

…after a few moments of awkward silence, I finally asked, “So… Lyra?”

“Yes?”

“Um, nothing, I was just checking if that was your name, when you mentioned it earlier...”

“Oh… yes, that’s my name. And… Lanc?” Daflunk.

“Lanc?”

“You spelled it out; ‘L.A.N.C.’ Lanc.”

“Oh, no, Those were the first four letters, the fifth was an ‘E,’ making ‘Lance.”

“Oh… well, nice to meet you, Lance!” she held out a hoof, and I wondered what to do with it.

“Um…” so, I put my hoof over hers, and then she looked at me like I was an idiot. And then she burst into a laugh. Now that was just insulting.

“I’ve seen hoof shakes, hoof-bumps, but I've never seen this!” I shamefully pulled my hoof away, but she leaned over and grabbed it with both hooves, pulling it out straight, like how she held hers out before. “See, normally you do this…” she then shook it with both of her hooves, “to do a hoof-shake. It's for when you first meet somepony. or for formalitie. And then this …” she removed her two hooves, I pulled away once more but she barely regarded my discomfort, pulling it out again, and clapping her own hoof against mine, keeping it there for a moment before removing hers. “That’s a 'hoof-bump'. It used to be an "awesome pony" thing, for all those stallions that thought they’re ‘cool’ and all, but recently it’s become pretty popular among all sorts of ponies.”

“I see… I’ll keep those in mind.”I looked to the stars, and blinded myself by a glowing yellow light. I guess I still had that light orb out. “aww, gee! I still have that thing conjured?”

“Um… yeah, didn’t you notice?”

“I didn’t… wasn’t paying very much attention to it… but I guess that's why we’re seeing so clearly…”

“That’s just hilarious… a zombie with a knack for light. Really, that’s hard to believe!”

“Well believe it; my un-life hasn’t been making very much sense to me, so far.”

“Well, we best get a camp going, it’s already dark. I’ll just go get what’s left of the timber wolves for some firewood…”

I suddenly felt a mad sensation of fear. Fear of death. It wasn’t my own… “NO! Wait! Please!”

Another ‘are you for real?’ look from Lyra… folks, she’ll be doing that a lot from now on, so we shall dub this, as ‘the look.’ ALL HAIL THE LOO-“um… Lance, you’re sure you’re ok?” even in past tense she’s interrupting me.

“I am, but…” There was a strange empathy, between me and… well, I think it was the timber wolves. “They aren’t. They’re not dead, those wolves. Their spirits linger, regaining their strength before reforming the nature as their new bodies. And they’re attached to these pieces of wood. And they’re afraid.”

“So you’re an expert on life and death, now?”

“No, I… maybe? It’s… strange… I… might…”

“Alright, I’ll just take your word for it, mister ‘zombie.” I sighed, and the fearful sensation left me, and I no longer ‘felt’ the wolves. Whatever it was, it wasn't something I wanted to experience. Too… weird. And if it was something to do with me being back from the dead, well, I didn't want anything to do with it. “So… where are we going to get some firewood?”

I thought, for a bit, and started heading towards the nearest tree, still with my shield out, and said “Leave that to me.” I then hacked at the tree, causing it to loosen. After about five good swipes, I figured that I needed to cut at a lower angle as well, so the two cuts would meet, slicing a portion of the tree off. It lost its balance, and started to fall… “TIMBAAAAAAAA-OH FLANK!” …on me.

I blacked out, and woke up to the scent of burning wood and an intense warmth. I opened up my eyes, and saw the forest burning, and instantly leaped up on all four hooves and realized that it was just a campfire, and Lyra lay by it, with her eyes to the night sky and the stars above. I had to ask, “Um… what happened?”

“Ah! Rise and shine sleepy head! The tree hit your head when it fell, but then your shield was wedged between the tree and the ground, just barely saving you from being crushed by a two foot wide tree! Nothing too bad. I just passed out for a few minutes.

“Oh…” I didn't remember a thing of what happened, but it was Lyras’ word that I had to trust. And then I remembered;, “Hey Lyra, you still haven’t told me what you were doing out here in the first place..."

“zzzzzzzzz” She had already fallen asleep. Disappointing, but respectable. “I… I guess I should catch up on some sleep as well.” I set my head down, and let my mind wonder, and yawned. “I’ll just… ask tomorrow… ‘Night Lyra…”

“Good night, Lance…”

Author's Note

"yaaay"

WHY WAS THIS SO LONG. I really didn't mean to write so much, but I guess that's what happens when I let two ponies talk a whole chapter through. so, our awkward hero finally gets some answers about his current situation, and a little more about his past and and magic is discovered. Because knowing everything from the start is overrated.

And no, I'm not shipping Lance with Lyra. She's just very... weird. in a good way! I think.

And let's see... the "Vesperia Complex." what is it?
well, if we look at the plotline of "Tales of Vesperia," (with as little spoilers as possible) the protagonist has a goal. and he completes it! but wait, he then realizes that hings are much bigger than he thought, unveiling a much larger string of events! of course, he solves it all, BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! now there's an even BIGGER stream of events, to find out who was behind it all! wash, rinse, and repeat.

What am I trying to say by mentioning this? Are things bigger than what they seem in this fanfic? well, I'll try to keep things making as much sense and linked together as possible, but, yeah. I'm totally dragging Lancey's flank to Russia and back.