Waking up was always the same, but it was the third best part of the day. In those fleeting seconds before awareness took hold it was easy to forget the realities of life. In those moments there was no one to call her ‘Princess’ so she had the freedom to just be ‘Celestia.’ No one was making any demands on her time. No one was around to judge her behavior.
Since no one was around to make judgement or imply that she wasn’t behaving the way a national ruler should, Celestia stretched. She didn’t open her eyes so that she might maintain the illusion that she was simply Celestia and didn’t need to be anyone else. She twisted and stretched until it was almost painful and she heard a number of quiet ‘pops’ as bones settled back into more appropriate positions after her night’s rest. She sighed softly as a quiet farewell to her time as Celestia and mentally prepared herself for the day which waited for her.
Princess Celestia opened her eyes. She hardly noticed the warming sensation as she fed magic through her horn, drawing her royal regalia to herself from her dresser. With an ease developed over centuries of practice, she stepped into her shoes before her feet hit the floor, while her tiara and chestplate settled into place. She stopped and looked back at her bed which seemed to be silently pleading with her to give in and return, just to abandon all her plans for the day and spend the whole thing in bed. It was tempting, but she of all beings in Equestria couldn’t take a day off.
With no outward indication of her hidden desires to crawl back into bed and make the world leave her alone for awhile—or perhaps forever—Princess Celestia turned to her bedroom door. Her horn glowed once again, but as she drew near to the doors she hesitated. There was one piece of her regalia she hadn’t yet donned. Through sheer willpower, she forced a smile onto her face.
Princess Celestia opened the door and stepped into the hall. The guard outside had obviously snapped to attention the instant he heard the door start to open, and was staring at a fixed point on the wall opposite Celestia’s room. She wanted to tell him to go somewhere and do something else, but she heard herself bid him a good morning.
He only did what he did out of love for her, after all. They all did. It’s not that they didn’t get paid for their work, but their first reason for doing it was to serve her. Some days she wished they’d stop, but she wasn’t going to tell them to, regardless of how she felt about it on days like this.
Days like this were all too frequent. In fact, it was starting to seem like they were all days like this one. It was on days like this that she reflected on just how much these ponies had accomplished since she had liberated them from Discord’s rule. With order and harmony instead of chaos, ponies were free to pursue their dreams. They could create and build, settle new lands, or pursue any number of other noble goals. And yet...
Princess Celestia realized she had been standing on a balcony staring at the dark horizon for some time, almost as though she was waiting for the sun to rise on its own. The wait was over. She closed her eyes and fed magic through her horn. This was the second best part of the day. The moment when she was connected to her special talent; her true purpose in life. In this moment, it was just her and the sun. She bowed her head with her horn still aglow and with a powerful flap of her wings she lifted both herself and the sun into the sky. Dawn came to Equestria once again.
It was still peaceful so early in the morning. Few began their day as early as Princess Celestia. While she knew there would soon be someone bringing something of unbelievably insignificant importance for her immediate attention, she took a moment to look out over Equestria. It was very much the same as always, which to most was reassuring. She traced the path of rivers with her eyes, recalling the times she had strolled along them. She could still hear the babble of the water as it tumbled over rocks in its path. She carefully avoided looking at the Everfree Forest and looked instead toward the nearby Ponyville. Some wounds took a very long time to heal, and that forest would remain wild and dangerous for many years to come. Fortunately she had ponies nearby who were more than able to protect the rest of the land from the dangers the forest held within. They never complained. They always assumed she knew what was best, even though they lived next to the most compelling evidence to the contrary.
The sound of a throat being cleared told her that her time for quiet contemplation was over for the morning. She turned around to find one of the servants, a middle-aged mare with an aquamarine coat and a tan mane, holding a list of things that wouldn’t hold the Princess’ interest, but that she would attend to anyway. Princess Celestia knew her name. She remembered all of their names, but why did it matter? Yesterday this one hadn’t been born, and tomorrow she would be long dead, her name forgotten by all but some of her descendants and Princess Celestia herself.
Princess Celestia greeted the mare by name, and they walked together back inside. Princess Celestia listened as the list was read aloud. There was no need for it, because the list was always the same. It made the pony feel useful, though, so Princess Celestia thanked her for her help.
She still did have one more stop to make before she went to the throne room. On days like this, however, she didn’t make that stop and instead went to the throne room without breakfast. At least that’s what she wanted to do. If she did it would mean the kitchen staff would have wasted their time and effort, not to mention whatever food they’d prepared for her. So she walked to her dining room, warmly greeting any ponies she met along the way.
Breakfast was the same as always. No doubt they had prepared something wonderful, the likes of which would never even be seen by some ponies let alone be eaten by them. Princess Celestia hardly tasted it, but in order to keep up appearances she made appropriately appreciative sounds while she ate and sent her compliments to the cook.
While she ate, she looked around her dining room. Her own private dining room was larger than many families’ homes. The marble, gold, and silver decorations in this room was worth more than most ponies earned in a year. She had never asked for such luxury. She had been content with the stone castle back in– But that was gone now.
Her plate emptied, Princess Celestia thanked the staff for a job well done and went to the throne room. There she found the same different group of ponies she found every morning, all insisting—some more politely than others—that she deal with their problems for them. One by one, she waited patiently while they explained their reason for being there that day. One by one, she gave them an answer, and sent them on their way, encouraging them to learn from her years of experience and share what they learned with others. Still, they never stopped. One after another, day after day, month after month, year after year, century after century they never stopped. Regardless of how many came to see her, she could see and hear each one of them clearly, whether they had been petitioning her last week or last century, and all of them were asking her the same questions.
Once the morning rush of demands was met, her attention was turned to requests which had been sent by mail. Some were sent that way because the ponies who sent them were too poor to leave home to travel to Canterlot to see her, while others were sent because they feared she would banish them to the moon if they used those words in her presence. It hurt to think that they were so afraid of her. Yes, she was powerful, but she would never use that power to harm her subjects, regardless of how descriptive their choice of words.
What hurt most of all was how afraid of her Twilight Sparkle had been. Princess Celestia had never told her—and never intended to—but each time Twilight hadn’t asked her for help out of fear of punishment was a knife to her heart. She had heard less and less from Twilight after her coronation and there were times she wished she hadn’t said that Twilight wasn’t her student anymore.
Princess Celestia gazed at the stained glass windows depicting her most recent personal student when she was pulled from her thoughts by the sight of something falling outside. By the way it fluttered through the air it appeared to be some kind of fabric. She considered investigating, but if it was actually something that mattered she would be informed soon enough.
It was a very nervous guard who approached her minutes later. Smiling as warmly as she could manage, Princess Celestia encouraged him to tell her what he had to say. The news was not at all what she had expected. It seemed that there was someone ransacking her room. The guards were about to put a stop to it when they discovered the culprit was Princess Luna.
Princess Celestia’s walk up to her room was long enough that she had time to reflect on Princess Luna’s recent behavior. She was upset about something and doing her best to hide it. The way she avoided making eye contact was upsetting, and very reminiscent of how she had behaved before becoming Nightmare Moon. Things were going to be different this time. Whatever the problem was, it would be handled before such drastic measures were necessary.
It took too long and yet not nearly long enough before Princess Celestia was standing outside her bedroom door. She took a steadying breath in an effort to prepare herself for whatever waited within, and she opened the door. The first thing she noticed she addressed immediately. Her sister was halfway under her bed and making a strange noise. Was she in pain? Princess Celestia asked her what she was doing, but the only answer was a continued muffled squealing. Princess Luna’s legs were kicking slightly, and the strange squealing was being interrupted at frequent regular intervals. She recognized the sound at last. Princess Luna was laughing. She was under the bed, squealing and laughing. The last time she had acted that way was before. Long before. Back when they both would have fit entirely under the bed with room to spare.
Princess Celestia asked her sister to stop, and her legs immediately stopped moving. A second later Princess Luna squirmed out from under the bed and stood up. She turned to face Princess Celestia, who was taken aback by her appearance. She was absolutely filthy. Her mane, tail, and coat alike were matted and covered with dust and pine needles. A sock lay across her back, just as filthy as the pony it rested on.
Princess Celestia looked away from Princess Luna to take time to think about what could possibly drive her to whatever situation she was in. Her physical appearance was soon explained, mirrored as it was by the rest of the room. Celestia’s bedside table, where she kept some light reading that she hadn’t so much as glanced at in weeks, was empty. Its drawer stood open, and was similarly devoid of content. All the drawers had been removed from her dresser, and her wardrobe was open, most of the contents from both of these strewn across the floor and even out onto the balcony. She was relieved to see that the bookshelves where she kept her personal collection had not been emptied, although the books were all out of order. The large flower pot next to the bookshelves had been emptied, and it appeared as though the Hearth’s Warming tree she had planted in it had been completely destroyed, which did explain why there were pine needles stuck to everything in the room. Even the fireplace was empty. The charred remains of logs had been scattered out across the floor. The large cushion she had near the fireplace had been a gift from a prince of a kingdom long forgotten, and she had cared for it for nine hundred years. It had long been her favorite place to rest during the day, and she had penned countless letters from it. Now it was smeared with soot and torn in places. Princess Celestia’s eye twitched at that, but there was something far more important to deal with. She turned back to Princess Luna, who stood before her with all the confidence of a prisoner awaiting execution.
Princess Celestia realized in that moment that there was nothing she could do to help Princess Luna. However, it was still possible for Celestia to help her sister. Perhaps if she had thought of that a thousand years ago—but this was no time for considering what might have been. It was time to deal with the present. She stumbled over what to say to her sister and sighed. Luna took that opportunity to explain her actions with one of the most ridiculous excuses Celestia had ever heard, finally breaking through the calm facade and causing Celestia’s jaw to drop in shock. She blinked and shook her head, desperately trying to hold on to the steady calm which was her lifeline on days like this. Then she remembered she needed to solve this as Celestia rather than Princess Celestia.
Celestia took a step forward, carefully watching Luna, who took a step away. She told her little sister that she could tell something was wrong, and she took another step closer, but her sister continued to back away from her. It hurt, more than anything else had hurt in a long time. With another step, she admitted that the problem had moved beyond one that could be fixed by conversation. Luna had backed up against Celestia’s bed and had nowhere else to go. It appeared she didn’t even consider using her wings or magic to flee. Celestia continued to advance until she was only inches away from Luna. The fear on Luna’s face made Celestia hesitate. Celestia told her that she had been left with no other choice, and at those words, Luna shut her eyes.
Luna’s lips trembled and Celestia feared she had gone too far. With no regard for the guard listening at the door or what any pony would have to say about it, she grabbed her little sister in a hug. She avoided burying her face in the sticky, dusty mane before her and whispered her assurance that she only wanted what was best for Luna. Celestia waited until Luna nodded before she released her and backed away.
Celestia considered for a moment the best way to shock her sister out of her fearful state. She glanced around the room before her gaze settled on one of the pillows from her bed. Luna’s eyes were still shut, and she was almost shaking with fear. Celestia magically lifted the pillow a few inches off the bed. Almost out of habit she fluffed it slightly before she smacked her sister in the side of the head with it. Celestia watched with a smirk as Luna’s eyes flashed open in shock.
Celestia tried to keep her tone light while she told her sister to make a mess in her own room next time. She studied Luna's face and waited for an answer. She had just enough time to worry that she'd made a poor decision before Luna smiled and apologized. Luna quickly added a promise to clean up the room, but Celestia didn't care so much about that. It was enough to see that the smile on Luna's face was genuine and she was getting through whatever was bothering her. Celestia nodded and turned to leave the room without a second glance around it. Now that she was no longer concerned about her sister, the damage to her favorite cushion made her feel slightly ill.
Princess Celestia stepped out into the hall and shut the door behind her. Another task completed, and it was likely the most interesting thing she would do all day. Next on her agenda was lunch. Unfortunately it was a lunch meeting with yet another of Canterlot's inaccurately named nobles.
The meeting was to take place in the main dining hall. Princess Celestia may not have asked for a private dining room, but since she had one she kept it for herself. She arrived to find every seat except her own already occupied. The chatter in the room quickly stopped and all the ponies in the room rose to their hooves to wait for their Princess to take her seat. She glanced around the room at possible escape routes and thought of a few excuses to leave the room. After a slightly longer hesitation than usual Princess Celestia took her seat. Almost immediately, all her guests were seated as well and servers began bringing the food into the room. After the usual pointless pleasantries to the crowd, Celestia turned to the stallion seated next to her so he could address her personally.
He rambled a bit. He occasionally stumbled over his own words. Not nearly as much as most ponies did but it was still noticeable. Of course, other than the other Princesses and her personal servants, only Twilight Sparkle was able to hold a conversation with her without nervous fumbling. Princess Celestia reminded herself that Twilight was a Princess now as well. She wasn't her student anymore. All the evenings spent reading together were over. She would never again be able to help Twilight pronounce a difficult word—not that she'd had to do that recently. Twilight's friendship reports, once Princess Celestia's favorite correspondence, were a thing of the past. Twilight didn’t need her anymore.
Not once did Princess Celestia allow her smile to fade, and she didn’t permit even a single tear to slip through her increasingly fragile mask. The noble beside her droned on, unaware that Princess Celestia was paying no more attention to him than she was to her meal.
There was one good thing about Twilight becoming a Princess. Recently she received a letter from her. It wasn't a friendship report. Instead it was just a letter, like one any friend would send to another they hadn't seen in awhile. It was one of her most cherished possessions from any living pony. She kept it on her bedside table just so she could read it again anytime she wanted. It was so informal compared to reports in the past. Twilight told her all about recent happenings in Ponyville. She described Spike's most recent attempts to begin courting one of her friends. She even mentioned a nickname she had heard for Princess Celestia which the Princess hadn't heard before. Her student would never have mentioned that to her. She instead would have scolded whoever she heard it from.
Centuries of practice allowed Princess Celestia to notice the moment a verbal response from her was needed, and even what kind of response was expected. On a day when she cared, she often delivered an unexpected reply. This was not one of those days.
The noble was satisfied with her response, and offered her a gift in thanks. He called for one of his own servants. A moment later a painting was brought into the room and presented to her. It was very much like the many others which adorned the halls of the castle, not to mention the ones which were tucked away in storage after the original givers were no longer around to see that their gifts were not on display.
She preferred it when ponies brought her gifts of money. At least that she could easily distribute to those who actually needed it. If she were to refuse a gift—even one so valuable—the offering pony wouldn’t even think to feel insulted. Instead, they would be saddened by their own failure to get a gift that was good enough for her. So as always, she accepted and promised him that it would be put on display. And so it would be, for a short time. At least until this pony was no longer alive, or until he gave another one to replace it.
With lunch over, Princess Celestia returned to the throne room to begin the one of the worst parts of her day. The afternoon hours were an uninterrupted stream of ponies complaining, arguing, groveling, and asking her to make decisions they could have made for themselves, had they taken any time to think it through rather than running straight to her. Regardless of how much they actually needed her help, Princess Celestia helped them all. Every one of them left her presence if not happy, at least accepting of her ruling. That made it all worthwhile. Didn't it?
She wondered at times if they would have been better off without her. Some of the problems they brought to her were so simple that surely they should have been able to figure it out for themselves. They were too dependent on her. She raised and lowered the sun, but she didn't have to do that from among them. Perhaps after defeating Discord she should have left Equestria and allowed the ponies to find their own way. Instead her own compassion had been their undoing. For over a thousand years they had been stagnant. She didn't change, so why should they? There was no reason for them to do anything differently when everything worked for them as it was. She considered the mass panic that would occur if she decided to leave them now, and decided—as always—that she would stay. She wondered if she was only making things worse by doing so. She'd think about it again tomorrow. One more day couldn't make that much difference.
The afternoon petitioners eventually came to an end. It was time for dinner. Once again, this meant a meal in the main dining hall. It was filled with the ponies who managed to be even worse than the bickering petitioners. At least they had the decency to be honest. The so-called nobles were always so polite in everything they said to someone. Then the next moment they turned to someone else to speak ill of their previous conversation partners. They all professed to be working for the greater good of Equestria, but most among them wouldn't save a drowning foal if it meant they had to get a little water on them.
At the end of the meal, Princess Celestia slipped away to a nearby balcony facing the sunset. She didn't need to be outside to lower the sun, but no one else needed to know that. The sun sat on the horizon. Having finished its daily journey across the sky, it waited for Princess Celestia to push it out of sight so it could return tomorrow. She looked at it for a moment before closing her eyes. The familiar surge of magic returned and she bowed her head, plunging Equestria into darkness. She let her magic fade away, but she stayed there with her head held low until she saw slightly more light through her eyelids.
Princess Celestia looked up. Equestria looked different in the moonlight. There was less distinction between darkness and light. Everyday objects suddenly seemed unfamiliar and sinister in the shadows of night. She gave a small shiver. The night was her sister's domain, not hers. She returned to the light inside the castle. The nobles would continue their insincere compliments and veiled insults late into the night. Some nights Princess Celestia would grace them with her presence after nightfall. Not tonight.
Instead Princess Celestia slowly walked to her room, preparing for the best part of the day; the end. The moment when she could take off the mask and just be Celestia again. The time when she could bury her face in her pillow and laugh or cry at the events of the day, and no one would ever know.
The halls of the castle were mostly empty at this time of night. She tried to encourage her subjects to seek out Princess Luna for assistance with issues that arose during the night, but they didn't know Luna, while Princess Celestia had been there for their entire lives. So it was that they avoided the castle during Luna's hours, and instead waited for morning to come again. She idly considered skipping a day to teach them a lesson, but farmers and others depended on the sun, and they had done nothing wrong.
As Princess Celestia drew near to her room, she saw an unexpected but not unwelcome sight. Princess Luna was walking—prancing may be a more accurate description—away down the hall. For a moment Princess Celestia's smile wasn't so forced. The monotony of the past few centuries had certainly been broken by Luna's return. She would have to find more time to spend with her sister, despite their opposing schedules. Her presence made life more interesting again.
Princess Celestia opened her bedroom door. The room was almost immaculate. Luna had done well cleaning it up. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her.
With a sigh, Celestia removed her regalia and carefully put it away, quashing her desire to fling it all out the window. She checked her dresser and wardrobe first. Luna had folded or hung her clothes, but none of it was where she kept it so she would have to rearrange it all. Likewise her bookshelves were entirely disorganized. There was no sign of the tree or the pot it had been planted in. Continuing her inspection, Celestia was pleased to discover the cushion was clean although still slightly torn. The bed was the only place left to check.
At first glance the bed looked fine, but there appeared to be something on it. Celestia walked closer to discover the unknown object was a scroll. Hoping it was an explanation of Luna's recent behavior, Celestia opened it. She started reading and was confused. This wasn't from Luna, it was the recent letter from Twilight Sparkle. After a second of wondering why Luna would have left the letter for her to find, she remembered the nickname which was written in the letter, and how unreasonably happy Luna had appeared to be moments earlier.
Celestia grimaced. Perhaps more interesting wasn't always a good thing.
Author's Note
This story was difficult to write, because in order to write Princess Celestia's viewpoint for most of this, I had to slip back into a depressed state of mind. Anyone who's also suffered from depression in the past can attest that it's hard to get back out of that state.
