Everfree forest, it’s a lot bigger than most ponies think.

The big bitch of a forest spans from up north in the black mountains to the bottom of the world, where they say seaponies sing their songs and lure innocents to their deaths. It’s an odd forest and boy is it diverse.

Up north all a pony will, if she bothers to look, get an eyeful of Evergreens and snow. That and those pesky giant snow bears that get their kicks outta eating random travelers. Down south the forest turns into a jungle, filled with Venus fly traps big enough to swallow a pony whole, a bunch of angry tribes ponies that have a nasty habit of cannibalism, and, most importantly, ruins stuffed with treasure.

Now, you might want to ask me, Daring, you hot, genius of a Pegasus you, which part of Everfree do you prefer? The cold, empty north with nothing but snow to eat, or the warm, awesome south that’s filled with goodies just waiting to be put in a museum? You might also be asking, Daring, why didn’t you mention the middle part of Everfree; it must be a lot different than the other two, right?

To answer your first question, the south, obviously, and for your second… Let’s just say that I maaay have done a few things that had me banished from that part of the forest on pain of death. Don’t look at me like that; all I’ll say is it’s because of the griffins and let’s leave it at that eh?

…What? What do you mean you don’t know who I am! I mean, who hasn’t heard of Daring Do, adventurer, historian, occasional savior of Equestria, and one of the hottest mares live?! Well you know me now smart guy! Now be quiet and buy me another drink while I tell you my bucking story!

I mean for buck's sakes, you've been trying to hit on me for like the past hour...

Hump, now where was I? Oh yah, blah blah blah, Everfree, blah blah griffins that are surprisingly good at watching their borders, blah blah, and here’s the part of the story where I come in.

Ya see, and I totally mean this, I think that I have the greatest job in the world. I mean, who else can say that they run around dangerous ruins, collecting artifacts that have the power to split planets in half, and get paid a bucket load of bits by Princess Celestia herself to do it? This mare, that’s who.

I even have an official title, the ‘finder of dangerous and exotic things that will help ponykind or should be kept hidden so that others wouldn’t mess with them’.

…What are you giving me that look for? I know, it’s not the best name in the world but I didn’t call it that! Here, I’ll show you the little badge the princess gave me, it has the name on it right there, see? No I have no idea who gave the position that name! Maybe it was the princess, or maybe it was some noble that didn’t like me…

It’s probably the second one now that I think about it; ever since I got in this business the nobility of pretty much every country has learned to hate my guts. It probably has something to do with their insane lust for super dangerous conversation pieces and me taking said conversation pieces off them so they won't hurt themselves.

I mean what makes somepony say, ‘Boy, look at this dangerous artifact, oh it’s the horseshoes of Avaliur the Earthbreaker, huh, it has the power to cause earthquakes when worn, that’s interesting."

"Boy, even my tiny noble mind can see that these are dangerous and I should probably put them someplace safe like in the hooves of the princesses or somewhere they can teach ponies about the past, like a museum, huh? Nah, I’ll just put them in my livingroom so I can make my fellow nobles jealous.’

Nobles, am I right?

And don’t you get me started on all of the other guys that want to kill me; be it intentional or unintentional. There’s that black-market griffin arms dealer, BlackClaw, or how about the crazy pony that always wants to join me, Derpy something-or-other. I could go on and on but I think you get the idea even after two examples.

Then there’s the forest itself that I always have to go through to get into the dangerous, trap-filled temples and ruins. Even though I like the south way better, it’s still the Everfree forest, so it’s bucking dangerous.

Don’t get me wrong, I know all that doesn’t sound too great, but let me tell ya, when you make it past all of that stuff and you have whatever you spent all of that time and effort in your hooves, man, you just get that rush, you know?

So there I was, in one of my favorite places in Equs doing what I loved, namely looking for the cursed temple of Fabricante de la Galleta, looking for something called the jar of knowledge. Oddly, and I swear this never, ever happens; this whole trip had gone without a hitch.

I mean, I didn’t have to go on a wild goosechase to even find out about the bucking thing, there hadn’t been any grand escapes from the bad guys that were always looking for the same things as me, heck, I hadn’t even been captured by a tribe of angry pony-eaters yet. The princess had even given me a map on where it was and everything, which she never does, by the way.

So it’s easy to assume that as I stood outside this old, long-forgotten temple, I felt the odd pang of dread.

“It’s okay, Daring,” I muttered to myself, adjusting my hat as I stared up at the temple. “There’s no reason to feel so panicky. Your whole trips been a breeze and you should be happy, heck, you haven’t even broke your wing yet!”

I don’t think I’m gonna explain to you what the temple looked like, trust me, there’s a reason why I always say another day another dungeon, temple, dungeon, same thing, you can’t the darned things apart!

I mean I could explain how they looked like pyramids except the tops are square with a massive stairway that went all the way to the top or how they looked really neat with the jungle all in the background or who quiet it seemed to get when you walked right up to one, but nope I’m not gonna do that. What I will explain though was the lack of creepiness that radiated from the thing.

I’ll explain what I mean because you look more like the kind of pony that sits on his couch all day and eats donuts and not like a pony who frequents ancient Marian temples. Hey, you’re the one buying me the drinks, its not my fault that I get a little more blunt when i’m tipsy. Now quit giving me that look and get me another drink while I spin you my little yarn.

Now, the average, run-of-the-mill temple is this usually run down, giant building that just gives off the whole ‘stay out’ vibe. Even if there’s a cult or bad guy organization that’s taken over and cleaned the place up it still gives this vibe off. This one though seemed like it could have been just a really big house, which kinda threw me off and made the thing a thousand times creepier than the usual super-dangerous temple.

Yes, I know that that sounds odd but when a mare has to dodge arrows flying out of walls and ponies heads on spikes outside the entrances of these places she gets used to that. Somepony may as well of put a welcome mat in the front for crying out loud!

Which is why I had the handle of my whip in my mouth as I slowly and carefully entered the place, getting way more creeped out that there wasn’t anything I had to do to open the front door.

I mean, those Marian’s didn’t even have the decency to make me know the password or figure something out or making me go through some waterfall or something overly complicated and silly like that.

Their mothers must have been ashamed of them.

Anywho, so I opened the door enough so that the outside light, which there wasn’t much of by the way, you’d think that there would be but the thick foliage prevents-opps- I need to switch off teacher mode, its the alcohol - so that the light would help me see a little bit into the place. I mean there’s not like lights would instantly come on or something right?

Que torches flickering on as soon as I stepped through the door. What the heck is wrong with this place? I thought as I looked around, where’s the cultists, where’s the trapdoors with alligators at the bottom?

I then had a rather disturbing thought as I made my way through the temple. Maybe this was a different kind of super dangerous temple, one that wanted somepony to go in it. I mean think about it, even you know that the Everfree forest is a dangerous place right? That it practically gives off an uneasy vibe as soon as you go in it?

Now imagine if instead of a super-dangerous forest filled with pony-eating baddies that didn’t want you in it in the first place that was a super-dangerous forest that wanted ponies to come into it.

Not a pleasant thought.

“Come on, you can do this,” I muttered, keeping my ears on a swivel for any hint of a sound. “There’s probably nothing different from this temple than all of the other ones that you’ve gone into and kicked flank in. All you have to do is get in, get this jar of knowledge, and go home,” I chuckled, “Maybe this is one of those beginner's temples where they go easy on you and I’ve been getting all of the hard ones.”

You might think I was joking but I’ve seen weirder things than that happen to me on the regular...

So after what felt like a month's worth of careful snooping, not finding a hint of a trap during, I might add, I found the jackpot, the main chamber.

Now, I may not look like it but I’m the type of mare that likes to do a little bit of studying about the civilizations that she goes traipsing around in. So here’s a little history lesson about this particular ancient civilization, one that could do things thousands of years ago that we couldn’t even dream of doing now....Well, it's not really a history lesson, more like an interesting fact or two but, eh.

Despite those ponies architectural prowess, mathematical skills, and what have you they shared a weakness that most of the great ancient civilizations had, they lacked the common sense to hide their neat stuff and put their prized treasures here any joe or sally could waltz right in and take them. But other than they they were really, really interesting, and I’d love to tell you more about them...

...If you were one of my students, but since this is a bar, not a classroom, no history lesson for you.

But what I will tell you is that, thankfully, this chamber looked a lot like the ones I usually go into. Everything, and I mean everything was gold-plated, it had a bunch of statues in single file- the statues depicting the god Bolon Ts'akab, look him up if you ever get the chance, he’s one of the Marian's less crazy/bloodthirsty gods- and the piece de resistance, what I like to call the centerpiece.

It was a simple stone podium with what I assumed to be the jar of knowledge, an oddly simple but sturdy looking jar with what looked to be glowing symbols all over it.

“There you are,” I said, slowly unfurling my whip as I walked into the chamber, now moving at a snail’s pace. This was probably the part where the statues would come to life, or even worse, that this temple's dungeon master would come out and try to knock me out of my horseshoes. So I was taking this time to get mentally and physically ready for it .

“Well well well,” a voice said out of nowhere, making me stiffen up, “What do we have here? A pony? I haven’t seen one of you guys in a while.”

I frowned, looking around and seeing nopony. “Show yourself so I can beat your flank into the ground!” I snarled, making my whip crack in the air with a flick of my neck. To be honest I was relieved, an unknown enemy, at least that was what I thought it was, was something I was used to....

And yes, I know I was being a little aggressive, but sue me, I was kinda stressed out!

I could almost feel whoever was in the shadows frown. “You know, when you enter a guys house its usually not in good taste to threaten them.”

I turned toward the sound of footsteps, or at least what I thought were hoofsteps, they sounded a lot more meaty than clip-cloppy, a small grin on my muzzle. Well, this is gonna be easy, I thought as I readied my whip to knock the everloving buck out of whoever this amatur was. I am, afterall, a whip first and ask questions later type of mare.

I saw its eyes first, an eerie pair of golden, glowing eyes that seemed to stare right through me. It also seemed like this guy wasn’t a newbie after all because he did what all cheesy villain's did, he hid the rest of himself in the shadows…. and yes, that’s actually what most villain's do.

Great, we got a tough guy here, I thought with a little savage grin. If this guy wanted a fight then I was the mare that was going to give him one. Even if I was the one that kinda started it. With a flick of my head I sent my whip cracking toward him, getting ready for the yelp of pain.

Sadly though, that wasn’t what I got.

Now, I’ve whipped a good many creatures in my time; you name it I’ve given it a good ol’ smack with Whipsy. There have been a few times in my lukrative whipping career when I’ve looked silly trying to hit somepony, like everypony that’s been in the whipping business mind you.

Sometimes Whipsy gets caught on stuff, other times whoever I’m hitting’s hide is so tough that they can’t even feel it, but those aren’t the worst. The worst is when somepony catches your whip.

Why is it the worst? Well when it happens you instantly learn a few things about the guy/girl/other you're whipping. One, they’re really fast, which would made hoof-to-hoof fighting a pain. Two, it shows that they’ve probably caught whips or something as fast before, and that means two things in itself, one bad, and one reaaaally bad.

It might mean that whoever this guy/etc was they were a fighter. Its not great but I can deal with those types, just a little bit of punchy-punchy hitty-hitty, good luck times and they’re done. The other thing that these guys could be are usually the worst possible thing for an adventure to run into, the dungeon master.

Yes I know that we weren’t in a dungeon and yes I’m pretty sure that whatever this was didn’t own this temple so they weren't its master, but that’s what I call these guys so deal with it.

These are the creatures that spend who-and-the-hay-knows how long guarding these artifacts and killing anypony who tries to take said artifacts away. These guys are usually super strong, practically unkillable, and are not great at parties.

You don’t fight these guys, you run away from them and hope they make a building or something fall on top of them so you can get away. But since this guy didn’t look like any kind of giant golem or sphinx though, I was still hoping for the fighter thug guy.

“You know you’re the second rude houseguest I’ve gotten lately,” the voice said to me as I shivered slightly at its voice, which sounded clearly male but cold, almost bored, like there wasn’t anything I could do to hurt it.

I heard the sound of steps again as I tried to free my whip from whatever this thing was and sighing when I failed to budge anything; if anything I was straining to keep whipsy in my mouth when I finally got the full view of my mysterious foe.

Now, I’ve been all around this big beautiful planet and I’ve seen loads of critters, some of them just animals, some of them with languages and cultures and all of that nonsense. Heck, I’ve even seen some beings that you could put in the rank of god.

But whatever this thing was in front of me was one of those Daring-has-no-bucking-idea-that-thing-is kind of creatures.

It was a biped, about six hooves tall with a tanish, peachish complexion. Honestly, it’s kinda hard to describe this guy to you, especially considering how not sober I am. Just think of a minotaur who doesn’t have any fur and is way slimmer, then you got the general look of him.

Fine, I’ll try to explain to you what he, and it was a he, I’ll explain how I knew in a second, looked like. Be a doll and get me one of those drinks that light on fire first, those things are awesome.

So this thing, lets start from top to bottom huh?

He had a shaggy brownish/blackish mane that went a little past his funny looking ears. He also had the type of cheek bones that you knew were male. It really doesn’t matter the species, you guys really do have all the same cheek bones...Too bad you don’t all have the same big dicks!

Hehehe, sorry, its the alcohol. Oooo, hey barkeep! what do you call these drinks that are on fire?

A flaming doctor Pepper? Sweet! Hey, do me a solid and bring ten more of those puppies over here with a couple of beers.

Ya, put it on that guys tab!

Now where was I? Oh, right, I’m still on the face.

So I already told you about the eyes, which were glaring at me annoyingly at the moment if you’d like to know, they were kinda small when you looked closely at them but they were real expressive. His face was kinda flat with this adorable-looking little nose that you saw on bunnies and you’d try to pinch whenever you say them. He was cleanshaven too if I remember correctly.

The further you got down it was just a bunch of clothes; a shirt, pants, stuff like that. They were odd looking though, like he had made them but he knew what he was doing, like a designer or something like that. He was really armey and legy too, with what looked like minotaur hands with an extra finger on the ends of those arms. In one of those arms be had something that looked a lot like a book and in the other, coiled around said hand, was the end of my whip.

Now, none of those things were really that odd. Heck, I’ve even seen glowing eyes before. What was really weird, and I mean really weird, was what he had called- when I had a good conversation with him about them afterwards- his feet. They were like some weird kind of hand where the palm was really long and thick and the fingers were really small and weirdly-shaped. They're kinda creepy if you aren't used to them....

All-in-all that was what this creature looked like to me at first glance. I would have gawked at him a little more if he hadn’t cleared his throat before saying, “Look pony, I’ll be nice and do you a favor. In five seconds I’m going to pull on this whip that appears to be in your mouth. Here’s what you can do; you can do the smart thing and let go or you can try to hold on, in which case you’ll come flying to me and I put this book down and begin to beat you to death.”

He must have seen the look of alarm on my face because he gave me a little smile. “This is what you get for trying to whip me. Five, four, threeeeee, twwwwwwwoooooo,...” He shook his head when I dropped my Whipsy. “Now that we got that nonsense out of the way, tell me why you’re here stranger.”

I frowned as he plopped down and opened his book. Someone’s getting cocky….. I thought to myself, eyeing the creature carefully while I thinking over my odd situation.

Deciding that honesty was the best policy- I mean it didn’t look like lying to whatever he was was gonna help me anyway- I said, “I’m here to bring back the jar of knowledge to Canterlot,” I said, puffing my chest out as he licked a finger to change his page.

“‘Jar of knowledge’? He snorted, “Where do they come up with these names?” he finally looked up at me. “So I have a little graverobber as a guest?”

I sputtered indignantly at that. “I’m not a graverobber !”

“Oh really?”

“Yes really!”

He nodded slowly. “Alright, so do you personally own this temple?”

“...No.”

“Okay, do you own that jar over there that you want so badly?”

I started frowning again. “No,” He hummed again, doing a little math with his fingers, my eye twitching as he continued.

“Alright, so you’re going to take this jar, which you don’t own, from this temple that houses a very important pony’s tomb, which you also don’t own, and you’re going to try to do it without anyone’s permission,” the creature looked back down at his book, “Sounds like a graverobber to me.”

Boy did I wish I had my whip right then, but grinding my teeth also worked in calming the nerves. “Ya, well, you have weird eyes!”

“It seems that I not only have a graverobber I have a rather slow grave robber in my mists.”

It took all of my admittedly amazing willpower to stop myself from going over there and clobbering the guy. “This thing belongs in a museum!” I said, squaring my shoulders. “And don’t you try to stop me from taking it, buster!”

Now I was expecting an evil remark like, “I will break you,” or something cliche like that; the least he could have done was get up and try to fight me. But do you know what he did? I Daring Doo, archaeologists and treasure-hunter of the century, just got a dismissive wave of the hand.

“Go nuts,” he said in a bored tone, “I wouldn’t stop you.”

My anger drained away and was replaced with confusion. “Seriously? I can just walk up and take it?”

“Like I said I’m not going to stop you.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I don’t believe you.”

Another lick of his finger and another flick of a page. “There are no words in Dragon, pony, griffin, or diamond dog that can express how less I care. Try to take the jar, keep glaring at me, or get out. It doesn’t matter to me.”

I huffed, slowly walking toward the podium as I kept an eye on him. “Alright, here I go, I’m slowly walking toward the podium.”

“I can hear you.When you’re done come grab your whip.”

“Boy, if somepony wanted to jump me whilst my back was turned I’d be defenseless.”

“Aha.”

I frowned as I reached the statues. This was usually the most dangerous, trap-filled part of the whole temple. “Hey, do ya mind if I had my whip back for a second?” I asked, my ear twitching as I heard the sound of a page being turned.

“Will you shut up then?”

“...Yes.”

I caught the whip as it was tossed to me. “Remember, you try to whip me with that thing again and I’ll make you eat it.” I was told as I cracked the whip with a flick of my head.

“Sure, whatever,” I said through the whip’s grip, grinning triumphantly. With another flick of my head I had the whip wrapped around the jar snuggly, jerking my neck to bring the jar over to me so I could go home and get my paycheck.

Imagine my surprise when, as I pulled, it felt like I was trying to move a mountain. In fact I pulled a little too hard and fast, because a second later I dropped my whipsy with a yelp as pain flared in my neckular region - yes I’m sure that’s a word, I’m a teacher after all- area.

“What the bucking buck?!” I snarled, glaring at the creature, who still hadn’t moved, “What the heck’s wrong with that thing?!”

He calmly flipped another page, not looking up at me. “So I’m guessing you can’t read High Hyrdrean?”

“Ah, no…”

“Well, if you could you’d see that it says on the jar, and I quote, ‘To those who wish to lift this veil, the greatest harmony you must prevail’,” he sighed as he looked up from his book to see my confused look. “Those runes wouldn’t let you lift the jar until you figure out the riddle.”

“Ooh.... So do you…”

“I’ve guarded this thing for a very, very long time, girl, of course I know the riddle,” he snorted at my hopeful look. “Do you think there’s any way that I’d tell you the answer? You gotta figure it out yourself.”

I ruffled my feathers angrily as I pawed the ground, “I could beat the answer out of you.”

I struggled not to shiver as his weird glowing peepers locked with mine “Filly, we are in a confined space that I know like the back of my hand. I’m a guy that could lift one of those statues easily, not to mention I’m basically indestructible. Now, you don’t need to believe me, you charge me and I’ll show you.”

So that’s what I did, charging him with with a roar and a flap of my wings to maximize my chargeness, ready to buck this guy into next week. That was the plan, except that I blinked, ruining the whole thing.

See, if I hadn’t blinked I might have seen how the creature got up and over to me so fast.

I yelped as I was hoisted into the air, struggling to get out of this creatures grasp as he stared at me bemusedly.

“I’ll put you down when you stop being so pissy,” was what I got as I started bucking wildly in the air, cursing loudly every time I hit something that felt like stone. “By Celestia’s flaming tits, what are you made of?!”

“Will you stop kicking me?”

“I’mma kick your head off!”

“Alright then. You’ll tire out in a few minutes.”

He was wrong though, by how hard I was kicking he must of held me up there for about five hours before I toyed with surrendering, then another ten hours until I actually surrendered.

Now come on, would I lie to you?

“You*gasp* didn’t *gasp* win,” I managed to get out as I was all but dropped back onto the floor. I would have complained at the harsh treatment if I wasn’t so close to passing out.

The creature sighed, going back and picking up his book. “Girl-”

“It’s *gasp* Daring,” I spat, looking over at him.

“Daring, there’s been a load of creature of all walks of life that’ve come in here and tried to take this jug. I’ve even had an alicorn or two that’ve tried to take this thing away from me, and that jar is still up on that podium,” he walked over and squatted down so he was face-to-face with me.

“Why don’t you go back home,” he asked me, “No offense but I don’t think you’re gonna be the one to do it.”

I’m gonna be straight with you, I kinda, sorta growled at the guy in a not-so-pony way as a little bit of red entered my vision. But can you blame me though? You’d be pretty upset too if somepony told you that you’re not good enough to get something. So I what any sensible mare would do in with situation.

“What don’t you go buck yourself?!” I snarled, my exhaustion forgotten as I stood up and walked back over to my Whipsy, picking him up and crackling him loudly as I glared at the jar. “Watch this you weird bucking creature! I can beat this stupid magic!” I cracked my Whipsy backwards, getting ready to hit this stupid jar as hard as I could. I hope the Princess is okay with this thing in pieces! I thought as I heaved the whip forward as hard as I could.

Now If I wasn’t so upset I would have noticed that the end of Whipsy was caught on one of statues. Also, if the fury wasn’t on me I would have thought it odd that Whipsy was carrying so much weight on the return whip, but I was pretty damn mad, so the only part of my soon-to-be impending doom I noticed was the sound of stone scraping and crackling behind me.

What happened after that was kinda embarrassing for me. Usually when I see a tower or something along those lines making its slow fall I do what surprisingly many ponies in my situation don’t do, I get outta the bucking way. But, as I looked up at the priceless statue that was slowly but surely falling in my general direction, I froze up.

Right before the whole thing came crashing down I said one of the bestest, most amazing last words anypony has ever said, “Buck me right in the-”

CRASH!

Well, I didn’t get to finish my awesome last words… Actually since I’m still alive and not a ghost and stuff I guess they weren’t last words at all, but hey, details details. So then I hear a crash and I see red before I konked right out......

Author's Note

Something I wanted to do to keep from getting bored. If you're expecting a plot or storyline...

Well, have fun finding one...