At the End of the Tunnel

Another week and Time Turner had another date with Ditzy Doo. I couldn't really blame them, they were truly in love. Ditzy came to the shop everyday, even on days when she didn't have mail for us, and even on her days off. Like Pinkie had said, they were very cute together, and it did my soul good to see two good friends find that special connection.

However, they thought, in turn, that I should have a "special connection" with somepony myself, and they saw fit to set me up on a date one way or the other. Whenever they would bring it up, which was every time all three of us were in the shop at the same time, I would smile and wave off their suggestion. It wasn't that I didn't want a relationship of some kind, I just preferred to get to know someone, or somepony, first before making such a dynamic change to the relationship. But this time, they would not be denied.

"You know what I was thinking, Ditzy," Time Turner said to his marefriend as they conversed and I did actual work, "your housemate could stand to find somepony."

I already knew where this was going.

"Yeah," Ditzy replied, "Goldy hasn't been on a date in months. And that was a one-and-done."

"Does she have her eye on anypony in-particular?"

"Not that I know of, and she is pretty open to telling me about that kind of stuff. If she did, I would know about it."

"Hey, you know what, maybe she just gets uncomfortable in intimate situations with another pony. She needs somepony to be there to support her during these times."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you and I should go on a double date with Golden Harvest and somepony. I think that would go much more smoothly."

"Oh Time-y Wime-y," Ditzy cooed. I hated when they used their pet names for each other in my presence, it made me ill, "that's a great idea."

"Glad you think so Ditzy Witzy," there they go again, "but which pony should we get to go with us?"

"Well, it has to be somepony who already knows her a little, but not too much. And preferably they would know all three of us, then it would be more like four friends out to dinner than a double date."

"Ditzy, that's brilliant," I think I heard him give her a kiss on the nose, I don't know, I wasn't looking, "Guy, what do you think?"

"Hmm?" I feigned that I hadn't been listening fully to the conversation, "Yeah, it's a great idea Ditzy, but if you two are thinking what I think you're thinking, the answer is no."

"Oh come on, Guy, when was the last time you went on a date?"

"To be completely honest," I replied with a slight tinge of venom, "I'd rather foalsit Dinky for you again than go on a date." Ditzy's face seemed to sink at this statement, as if she felt bad for hitting a particularly nasty nerve.

"Sorry, Guy," Ditzy apologized, "thanks for offering to foalsit Dinky."

"No problem, Ditzy, I actually enjoyed it the last time, as crazy as that sounds. Oh wait, I forgot, I am crazy."

This bit of self-deprecating humor was lost on Ditzy who still wore a sour palor. Then the bell on the door rang, indicating a new pony, or new customer, coming into the shop. All three of us turned to see a yellow mare with a curly orange mane standing in the doorway, carrying her saddlebags, both of which seemed to be full. It was Golden Harvest.

"Goldy," Ditzy greeted, "just the pony we were looking for."

"Sorry, Ditzy, but this is important, Time Turner, could you look at this for me?" She laid down her overflowing saddlebags and some bolts, screws, and gears fell out.

"What happened," Time Turner asked, obviously concerned.

"Oh no," Ditzy said, "this isn't your grandfather's clock, is it?"

Golden Harvest just nodded, on the verge of tears, "I was doing some redecorating at home, and...and it crashed off the nail it was hanging on. This clock is over a hundred years old. Time Turner, can you fix it?"

"Oh my, Golden," Turner replied, "I'm not sure. It's in pieces, this would take forever. It would be easier to just replace it. I can do that for you, surely."

"It's irreplaceable," Golden was now full-on waterworks, and I hate seeing that, "it's the only real family heirloom I have, it has to be fixed, it just has to be."

Ditzy fetched a handkerchief for Golden Harvest while Time Turner moved the saddlebags and their contents to a work bench. At this point, I made my way over to view the damage. The gears and cogs had all fallen out, and the body of the clock was in a few large pieces. It would take a very long time to fix, but it wasn't unfixable.

"Is there anything you can do," Ditzy asked as Turner surveyed the damage.

"Well--" Time Turner began.

"I'll fix it," I interrupted, stepping into the conversation, "It'll take some time, but I'm 99 percent sure I can make it brand new."

"Oh, Guy, that would be marvelous," Golden Harvest beamed, all her tears going away, "would it be OK if I paid half now, half later?"

"How about this," it was Time Turner's turn to interject, "you pay half now and instead of paying half later, you and Guy go on a double date with Ditzy and me tonight."

I sighed and facepalmed at the suggestion. I offered to fix it because I'm a nice guy, not because I wanted to con Golden Harvest into a date. Time Turner and Ditzy were turning this whole "getting me a date" thing into a kind of monster. Through the fingers on my face I could see a look of confusion and shock on Golden's face. It was a horrified look, she just didn't know how to respond to the idea.

"I," she started, choosing her words very carefully, "I would like that. That is, if Guy is OK with it."

Now the pressure was back on me again. If I didn't know better, I would swear the three of them set this up on purpose, that the clock wasn't really an heirloom, and that Golden was just a heck of an actress. But I did know better, and I also knew that saying "no" at this point would not make me feel good about myself.

"OK, it's a date," I said with a sigh, then brightened up a bit, "how 'bout you mares go home and get ready and Turner and I will be over to pick you up after work, how does that sound?"

"Sounds like a plan to me," Ditzy said with a smile, "c'mon Goldy, let's go get ready. Oh, this is going to be so much fun."

Golden Harvest was so excited she almost left the shop without her saddlebags. The two mares were absolutely giddy as they left.

"You better know you're paying," I stared daggers into Time Turner, "I'll get started on that clock."

"What about Mayor Mare's hoofwatch?"

"You finish it."

*************************************************

The end of the workday came very quickly that day. Time Turner finished Mayor Mare's watch and had me hand-deliver it to her at City Hall. I apologized for getting snappy with Turner earlier, and he accepted my apology. He, in turn, apologized for him and Ditzy being so gung-ho about getting me a date. They thought they were doing something nice for me.

It's not that I didn't appreciate the thought. And it was true that I had begun to be attracted to quite a few ponies, in Ponyville and elsewhere, but I just wasn't sure if a relationship was what I wanted, particularly after the events of my last one.

When we reached the house Golden Harvest and Ditzy shared, it was answered by a different mare entirely, a purple unicorn who I knew as Amethyst Star. Now it must be said that Ditzy had a kind of unusual family. Dinky was her one foal from a previous marriage that she had been in to some unicorn whose name I didn't know. That unicorn, in turn, had been married once before and had a foal with his first wife, that foal being Amethyst. Ditzy had divorced him for reasons that I didn't know and he had apparently moved back to Canterlot where he was originally from, taking Amethyst with him. So Dinky and Amethyst were half-sisters, but they acted just like they were full sisters, particularly since Amethyst had moved back to Ponyville. I had been told that when Amethyst had first arrived in town, all four of them lived under one roof before she moved into her own house down the street. She often foalsat Dinky, and was known as one of the more eligible bachelorettes around town.

"Hey Time Turner, hey Guy," she greeted, "Goldy and Ditzy should be ready soon. Come on in."

The two of us entered the house. It didn't look a lot different compared to the last time I had been there. Though I could see a bare, dustless spot on the wall where the clock which was now in the shop had hung.

Time Turner and I didn't have to wait too long. Soon our dates descended the stairs from their rooms. They were both dolled up a bit, with makeup and such, though they weren't dressed. That didn't surprise me in the slightest, Time Turner wasn't dressed either, apart from that bowtie that he always wore. I knew we weren't going anywhere particularly fancy, so our current attire, or lack thereof, was fine.

"Hello Ditzy darling," Turner greeted, giving Ditzy a kiss on the lips, "ready to go."

"Yep," the mailmare responded, "are you and Guy ready?"

"More than ready."

I could already tell this was going to be a long night. Time Turner led the way after we exited the house, smiling like a fool. I simply tried my best to maintain my composure and reminded myself not to get too irritated with the copious public displays of affection that I was going to be subjected to throughout the night.

Soon enough, we reached our destination, "The Double Buck" which was Ponyville's only pub-slash-bar, and known around town as the best place to get a good drink. The waitress, a cute Earth mare that I was unfamiliar with, led us to a booth. Time Turner and Ditzy quickly sat together on one side, forcing Golden Harvest and I to sit together opposite them.

"Can I get everypony something to drink," the waitress asked.

"I'll take a Buckweiser short," Turner ordered.

"Sweet tea for me," Ditzy said in turn.

"Manehattan Iced Tea for me," Golden answered without hesitation.

"I'll take whatever Saddle Adams is in season," I ordered, "tallest glass you can find."

"That would be Saddle Adams Summer Ale," the waitress commented, making sure I still wanted it.

"My favorite," I lied, for I had never had Saddle Adams before. It was more for show and to have something to distract me in case this date became one-sided.

All four of us quickly poured over our menus. As I had never been to this place before, it took me the longest to figure out what I wanted. I did notice something interesting, however. There was a whole section of the menu that was titled "For the Griffon in You", which listed some dishes made of meat. Of course, Griffons would be one of the few civilized creatures in Equestria who would eat meat. I wondered if it would be too much to order something from this part of the menu. By the time the waitress arrived back with our drinks and asked if we were ready, I still wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do.

"I'll have the lasagna," Time Turner said, snapping me out of my inner musings.

"The same," Ditzy ordered. I wasn't even sure if she had actually read the menu or not.

"The veggie burger and hay fries sounds good to me," Golden quickly followed Ditzy.

"And for you, sir," the waitress now directed her attention to me. I was probably sweating bullets at this point.

"I think I'll have," I visibly gulped at this point, "if you have it, that is. The manticore steak with a baked potato and mixed vegetables, please."

My order might have been said a little too loud, as multiple other ponies in the pub looked in our direction.

"Are you sure, sir," the waitress asked, giving me an opportunity to change my mind about eating the first bit of meat I would have had since I came to Equestria.

"Yes I'm sure," I said with renewed confidence.

"Would you like sour cream on your baked potato," the waitress continued, not flustered by my order in the slightest.

"No, please. Just butter and maybe some chives."

"Of course, sir, they'll be ready soon."

The waitress walked off, and all the other patrons who had been staring at us, or rather, me, turned back to their respective meals and drinks.

"Ordering a meat steak?" Time Turner questioned, "If I didn't know better, I would say you're just trying to make this date expensive for me."

"Who said I'm not," I responded sarcastically, taking a drink of my Saddle Adams, which wasn't half-bad. Like I told Twilight all that time ago, humans are omnivores, and it was really best for my overall health if I ate straight meat sometimes, good source of protein and all that.

There was a bit of silence which followed this little exchange. I was worried that I might have offended Time Turner or Golden Harvest by eating meat, but the awkwardness was soon broken.

"See, Goldy," Ditzy spoke up, "I told you this wouldn't be so bad."

"Yeah," Golden responded. OK, so I guess the awkwardness wasn't over for her. Maybe it was the meat thing, maybe it was the "on a date with the human" thing. Either way, she quickly composed herself and continued with an actual conversation. "So Guy, were you able to do anything about my grandfather's clock today?"

"Not exactly," I admitted, "it kind of has to be re-built from the gears up, and I wasn't able to make much progress today. But it's just the first day, and I promise not a workday will go by without me working on it at least a little."

"Thanks, Guy. I'm really worried about it."

"I completely understand. If I owned anything that old, I would want to make sure that it stayed in good condition. And believe me, when I'm done with it, it'll be better than new."

As Golden Harvest and I conversed about her clock, I noticed that Time Turner and Ditzy were having a much more muted conversation just across the table. I couldn't hear any of it, since they were whispering everything directly into each other's ears. Something told me that what they were talking about was either very mature, or was going to cause me problems. I decided it was best, for my sanity's sake, to ignore them and go about my "date".

The food couldn't have arrived soon enough. Everything on my plate smelled perfectly delectable. The steak smelled just like a good New York Strip, the baked potato and vegetables, very much more normal pony fare, were done to perfection. If I didn't know I was in some pub in Ponyville, I would have sworn that I was at some 5-Star restaurant in some major city. I quickly grabbed the unicorn-style knife and fork which had been given to me and went to work. My date-mates did similarly with their Earth pony-style utensils, which were made specially to be able to be held by hooves.

I had by far the most food on my plate, and admittedly didn't do a lot of talking. Time Turner and Ditzy spoke to each other, sometimes out loud, sometimes in more muted tones. Ditzy and Golden held a short conversation about the Grower's Convention which the latter had attended. This conversation I actually did participate in for a short time before returning to my steak, which was tasted as good as it smelt.

Dinner blew by and so did dessert, for which I ordered a little cheesecake, reminiscent of my visit to Canterlot. Time Turner paid the bill as promised, though I left the waitress a more-than-respectable tip for her professional behavior given my dinner order. The four of us left the "Double Buck" and began the trek back to Ditzy's and Golden's house.

"Mommy's home," Ditzy called when we reached the house, causing Dinky to jump off the couch and run into her mother's hooves. Amethyst soon followed, a big smile on her face.

"So how was the date," the bright purple unicorn asked.

"It was good," Time Turner answered, "the food was superb."

"That I can agree with," I responded sarcastically.

"Yes, it was great," Ditzy said, upbeat as always, "Hey Dinky, you want to do something fun?"

"Oh, what mommy, what?"

"How would you like to have a sleepover tonight with Amethyst?"

"Oh, that would be fun!"

"Not a problem for me," Amethyst knowingly answered.

"Perhaps I should go too," Golden Harvest said, "don't want to get in the way of anything."

"Yay! Sleepover with Ammy and Goldy," Dinky cried. Ah, the innocence of youth. I for one knew that Time Turner was going to have a different type of sleepover with Ditzy.

Everypony but Ditzy and Time Turner exited the house. Dinky, Amethyst, and Golden started on their way, but then Golden turned back. She motioned with a hoof for me to get closer, and as I knelt, she pulled me into a one-hoof hug, which I returned with one arm.

"We should never do that again," she whispered to me.

"Agreed," I whispered back, trying my best not to laugh.

We broke the hug and the four of us parted ways. I traveled back to the library only to find it locked and a note on the door.

Dear Guy,

Spike and I were called to Canterlot on special request by Princess Celestia. The key to the library is under the welcome mat. We will be back by noon tomorrow. Goodnight.

Twilight

"Well," I thought as I reached down, grabbed the key and unlocked the door, "guess I have the whole library to myself."

It was still relatively early, and by that I mean before nine o'clock. And, quite frankly, I didn't know what to do with myself.

"Hoo!"

"Ah," I cried, surprised by the sudden noise. I turned around to see an owl sitting on a perch in the middle of the room.

"Hoo," it said again, this time not as loud.

"Oh come on, Owlowlicious, you know who I am."

"Hoo?"

"Never mind." I reached out an arm and the bird obediently flew from one perch to the other. In the short time I had been in Ponyville, I had decided that Owlowlicious was by far my favorite of the ponies pets. Though he didn't have the same kind of purposeful intelligence like Angel did, he also didn't try to bite off my finger at one point. And with a little training, he was very comfortable around me.

"Hoo-hoo."

"Oh, the date went fine," I pretended to converse with the bird, "the food was awesome. You understand meat-eating, since you're an owl and all. But this manticore steak was perhaps the best steak I've ever had."

"Hoo-hoo?"

"I don't think so. Golden Harvest and I both agreed that we shouldn't date regularly. Her words, not mine."

"Hoo," the owl said sadly.

"Don't worry, my fine feathered friend. I'm still not sure I'm ready to get back into the whole dating scene anyways."

"Hoo?"

"Because I've had some bad relationships in the past. I know that none of the ponies here would ever treat me like that, but it's just a protective thing, you know."

"Hoo."

"OK, maybe you don't know."

I walked upstairs to the bedroom with Owlowlicious still on my arm. He had another perch up there, just in case he wanted to get off. I sat on my bed, and he did indeed leave my arm, but instead landed on the bed beside me.

"Hoo-hoo-hoo."

"Now what?"

Owlowlicious took one of his wings and put it across his forehead, pointing one of his fingers up while spreading out the other wing.

"Hoo-hoo."

"What about Twilight?" I asked, somehow knowing exactly who he was mimicking.

"Hoo," he said with a kind of sarcastic tone.

"Oh, no, no, no, I have no interest in Twilight. Sure she's smart, and a damn princess, but I'm not into her like that."

Next, my owl friend kept the horn part of his impression up, and used his other feather to preen up the feathers on his head, like a certain white unicorn would do.

"Hoo?"

"No, I'm not interested in Rarity either. Though I'll admit that her voice is like sex for my ears."

Next, Twilight's pet unfurled both his wings and flapped them very slowly, so slowly that when he tried to fly, he couldn't.

"Hoo?" He asked after he had picked himself up after his soft landing on the bed.

"Fluttershy?"

"Hoo."

"Well she isn't the Element of Kindness for nothing," I began, "but I think she's like me when it comes to relationships. I mean, can you imagine her in a relationship with somebody? She'd be so timid and shy that they wouldn't be able to go out on dates in public!"

"Hoo. Hoo. Hoo." The owl said snarkily.

"What do you mean I'm getting a little sappy."

Owlowlicious didn't say anything, but instead just flew over to his bedroom perch, landed on it, and promptly closed his eyes to catch a little sleep.