Journey Through Nightmares and Dreams

"We're here to see Celerity Bellweather," Bon Bon told the pony at the reception desk. Lyra stood slightly behind her, expression apparently calm and collected. She knew better.

"Celerity... Celerity..."

"She's a unicorn with a light green coat, light blue mane." Lyra offered quietly, speaking as much to the floor as to the receptionist.

"Ah, yes. Thank you. I do recall seeing her now." She flipped several pages in her clipboard, "I'm sorry... She's not to be seen by any but family." She looked between the two mares, "Are you family?"

Bon Bon glanced back at Lyra, whose ears had gone flat and had started shaking.

"Lyra is her daughter, and I'm Lyra's wife."

"Alright then." She turned from her station to some of the younger mares and stallions standing about behind the reception desk. She pointed a hoof at a younger unicorn mare with a light pink coat, gold mane with slight red highlights, and a honeycomb cutie mark.

"Honey Cure," she called to one of the mares, "can you show these two mares to room 203?"

"Of course! Follow me, please." Honey pranced around the desk wearing a friendly smile and beckoned them to follow with a slight toss of her head.

"I'm here for you," Bon Bon whispered to Lyra , walking side by side with her. "This won't be like your parents. I'll always be there for you."

"I know," she murmured back, blinking rapidly. "I know," she repeated, quieter.

Bon Bon sidestepped to press herself against her wife's side, offering her warmth and love as a solid presence. She dropped her head to lift Lyra's when her wife leaned back.

"Chin up. You wouldn't want Celerity to see you sad."

Lyra looked up at her and smiled, though it was a fragile smile and faded swiftly. She did lift her head though and take a deep breath, looking steadier for the close support.

"That's my Lyra." She rubbed cheeks with her wife.

Lyra's parents had died in a hospital when she was just a filly, victim of an illness that hadn't been as well understood back then that they had caught from their daughter. Any hospital visit for her was a hard experience, more so when she was visiting somepony whom she loved as much as she had her actual parents. A mare who had raised her in the absence of love from the distant relatives who put a roof over her head.

"You two are so lucky," the young mare said ahead of them, looking back sheepishly. Neither Lyra nor Bon Bon answered at first, but looked at each other briefly. Lyra blushed and ducked her head.

Bon Bon just smiled and replied, "Thank you... Honey Cure, was it?"

"Yes ma'am. I haven't worked here long, but it seems like visiting sick relatives always brings out the best and worst in some ponies. I know it's just worry, but..." She shook her head. "You wouldn't believe some of the silly arguments I've heard in these halls. It's refreshing to see a couple as close as you two."

"We do have our silly arguments," Bon Bon said gently, not wishing the younger mare to get the wrong idea. "All couples do. How boring would it be if we agreed with each other on everything? But when my wife needs me, I will put aside my worries for hers. She does the same for me."

"Aw, that's so wonderful! If only I could get my colt friend to see it that way."

"It's not something you can just force somepony to do," Lyra said in a quiet voice, just the barest hint of a quaver noticeable to Bon Bon. "It's something that you both need to agree to do, and it's something that he will need to learn and come to understand why it's important. You'll need to grow with him as well, learn the same lessons and come to the same understanding."

If she hadn't been listening for it, she wouldn't have noticed the shakiness of Lyra's voice, and that she was so on edge already had her worried. Still, the tenacity with which her wife dealt with her phobia made Bon Bon's heart swell with pride.

Lyra fell silent for a moment as they passed several open rooms where doctors or nurses were working with patients, helping them with meals and getting settled in bed. Lyra carefully did not look inside any of the rooms.

"It's compromise," she continued as they came up to another reception area, "and it's not something that just happens. You have to work at it and grow together, otherwise..."

She paused to nuzzle her wife's neck gently. "Well, for example Bon Bon didn't understand my fear of hospitals for the longest time. That was the fuel for a few of our earliest fights."

Bon Bon was surprised that Lyra would talk about her phobia so openly in the place that she had a phobia of, but maybe talking about a thing made it less immediate, like it was already done and gone.

When Lyra paused, seeming uncertain how to continue or if she would continue, Bon Bon picked up the story.

"That's true," she said, returning the nuzzle, "and I didn't know then why she wouldn't come with me when I went with my sister for her routine checkups."

Honey Cure looked back at her, an eyebrow raised quizzically.

"I know that's not a huge thing for most ponies," Bon Bon admitted, rolling her eyes and waving a hoof dismissively, "but Lyra had just become part of my family, and I wanted her to be a part of everything, with the new foal on the way, to show her what our family was like. I thought she didn't like my sister, and that got my tail twisted in a knot, let me tell you."

Lyra picked up the story again, "I was too afraid to bring up the memories, to face my fears back then, and I didn't want to sour the mood every step along the way. I wanted to be there, I did but-" She sighed and looked away as they passed another open hospital room.

Bon Bon kissed her neck gently and picked up the story again.

"But when I needed her to be there when my sister was having her foal, she was there. I could tell it was draining on her to even just sit in the waiting room with me, and I didn't understand it. I remember being in a funk until the foal came because I didn't understand why she disliked my sister and her husband so much.

"It was harder still for her to be in the room with my sister and her new foal. But she was there, and I could see that she didn't hate my sister or her husband. She was genuinely happy for them, I could just see it in her. But I still didn't understand why she was so uptight. In retrospect, I realize it was because she was on the edge of a nervous breakdown the entire time, but she held it together for me and my," she corrected herself, "our family because she knew how important it was for me. I realized later that the face she wore was a mask. Something she put on so that her grief and fear wouldn't ruin the joy of bringing a new foal into the world."

"I told her that night. Why I hated going to the hospital so much. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to tell someone. It felt like I was telling her that I was defective, that I was..." Lyra trailed off and looked down again for only a moment, then lifted her head and pressed her muzzle up under Bon Bon's chin. Her voice grew ragged as she tried to hold back the fears and the tears. "I'm so lucky to have her."

"And I am lucky to have you," Bon Bon whispered and turned her head to lay her cheek against Lyra's. "Celerity will be just fine. You'll see."

Honey Cure sighed and shot them a fluttery smile, seeming close to tears herself. She sucked in a deep breath, though, and continued walking.

"Room 203," she said finally, coming to the door. A mare in a white lab coat and blue hoof boots was outside, writing on the clipboard stuck to the doorframe.

"Honey Cure," the doctor said, tone pitched low,” you know there aren't supposed to be anypony but family in this wing."

"But this is Celerity's daughter," she protested, waving a hoof at Lyra, then at Bon Bon "and this is her, erm, Lyra's wife."

"Oh?" The doctor raised an eyebrow and flipped through the paperwork on the clipboard. "I don't see any family or next of kin listed here."

Lyra choked and hid her face in Bon Bon's mane.

"Let me explain," Bon Bon started, lifting a hoof to forestall argument, "Lyra is-"

"My daughter in every way that counts," a loud, strong mare's voice called from inside the room before the door handle was surrounded by an azure haze and yanked open.

"Now Ms. Bellweather," the doctor said, looking between Bon Bon and the mare resting in the bed inside, "I thought I said no spells. Not until-"

"Until you try to keep my daughter and her wife from seeing me," Celerity finished for her, then gentled her tone before continuing. "I know you mean well Dr. Dazzle, but it would do my heart, that you're so worried about, a great deal of good to have them with me."

Dr. Dazzle's eye twitched and she put the clipboard back in place more forcefully than necessary. "As you wish, Ms. Bellweather."

She started to stalk away, her hooves striking the hard wood loudly even through the insulating hoof boots.

"Wait, please," Lyra called after her, regaining some of her composure after it became clear that Celerity was actually doing okay, if not perfectly. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Dr. Dazzle stopped and lowered her head, "I'm afraid not. You're not, strictly speaking, family and I cannot disclose medical information unless it is to duly authorized and notarized parties or to close family that the patient has agreed to disclose information with." The speech had the feel of a rote explanation, something she repeated a dozen times a day. She looked back at them, her face a carefully blank mask. "Honey Cure, come with me. We need to talk."

"Yes ma'am," she said glumly, then stopped and tapped Lyra on the flank. "Thank you, Lyra. For the advice and sharing your experience with me." She looked to Bon Bon as well, "Both of you."

"You're welcome, Honey," Lyra said.

Celerity's hospital room was much more modern than what Lyra had recalled from... before. Dark feelings and fearful images tried to surface and cover what she saw with a filter of the past. For a short moment she saw the beds, little more than cots, where her parents lay unmoving. and it felt as though her heart had stopped.

Bon Bon's presence at her side, a gentle nudge and a sure smile, snapped her out of the past again. She pushed the thoughts back to the back of her mind as best as she was able and forced herself to look at Celerity in the present.

"I'm glad you came, though I wish it hadn't had to be this way," Celerity said tenderly, waving them both over with a hoof. Lyra's heart flopped when she saw the band around the ankle, and the IV line tucked into her upper foreleg. "Come in, both of you. It's been too long since I've seen you."

She felt as though lead weights were cuffed about her hooves as she forced herself to take a step, then another, into the room and she stumbled over the threshold and almost fell, but Bon Bon was there to steady her with a gentle hoof under her chest and a swift nuzzle against her cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered gently.

"Of course."

Lyra sat on the floor next to the bed and rested her chin on the covers.

Celerity stroked Lyra's cheek gently with a hoof, "It's been too long, Lyra. I've missed you this last year, and for that I'm sorry."

"I'm just glad you're back." She paused to push back against the gentle stroke on her cheek. Her fears settled for the moment, she languished in the relief and let the fears jibber mindlessly in the back of her mind. They weren't important.

"I'm glad I'm back too. And I have some things to discuss, but not here."

Bon Bon joined her at the bedside and leaned lightly against her, providing a warm reminder that she was still there.

"It's good to see you again too, Bon Bon. How is my," she laughed softly, "daughter in law doing?"

"I'm doing very well. But I have to ask..." she trailed off and brushed her cheek lightly against Lyra's. "How are you doing?"

How are you doing? Lyra asked herself the same question. Fears that she had pushed aside with relief came rushing back, and snippets of conversation that she had barely paid attention to when dealing with the hospital in general came back to her.

...My heart that you're so worried about...

...heart...so worried about...

...heart... Attack? Her chest felt tight suddenly and her breath started coming shorter. Celerity had a heart attack? How bad? Was she dying?

Bon Bon and Celerity kept on talking, not seeming to notice Lyra starting to hyperventilate.

"I'm doing okay. Just had a little fall is all. That pretty little nurse, Redheart I think her name is, and her new coltfriend Gizmo, insisted that I come to the hospital out of an abundance of caution."

"Gizmo and Redheart have been seeing each other for nearly half a year," Bon Bon said with a laugh,.

"Well, good for them. 'Bout-"

"You fell?" Lyra interrupted Bon Bon and sat up straighter. "You don't get admitted to the hospital for just a fall! And what was that joke about your heart earlier?" Lyra's voice shot up an octave as the pieces began to come together, panic granting a false clarity of purpose. "Did you have a heart attack? Wh-" The room began to spin as she breathed harder and harder, trying to control the rising fear of loss that swelled up in her. Why was it so hot? Celerity needed to be cool! Where was the window?

She was vaguely aware of Bon Bon startling backwards in alarm and Celerity reaching for her with a hoof.

"Wha-" She tried to continue, to ask a question that slipped from her mind before she could speak it, but she was too short of breathe. Her chest felt tighter, like there was a too tight saddlebag cinch around her. She started gasping for air and pushed away from the bed, half collapsing as the panic began to overwhelm her.

Her vision was fading and spots flashed and sparkled against the darkening room. Her lungs felt empty and she needed more air.

"Lyra!" Distantly she heard Bon Bon's voice, followed by a sharp tug at her ear.

Why wasn't she getting enough air? Why was everything so dark?

The floor rushed up to meet her.

Everything went black.