A Cook and a Griffon

For the majority of my lifetime, everything was as it should be. Sure, you sometimes didn't understand everything that happened, but at least the cause-and-effect system generally worked out.

Then came those damn portals.

You know the ones I mean, the ones that suddenly opened up all over the United States, and the rest of the world. The ones that gave us human beings our first encounter with those magical, mystical, pastel equines, or Ponies, as they preferred to be called.

I remember, I was in the back room of the restaurant, watching the news on my break, when the first contact happened. A small horse, bright purple in color, with a horn and a set of wings, came out of seemingly nowhere, right in the middle of Times Square. Now, being a New Yorker myself, and working in the city, I knew this was going to catch wildfire. Within minutes, every news outlet in the city descended on the business epicenter to try to get a word in with this pony. All she was available to say was that her name was Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, and that some kind of magic spell that she had been trying to perfect had gone wrong. Not an hour after she first arrived, she disappeared again, through the same invisible, to us anyway, apparently she could see it, portal that she had come out of.

For awhile, nobody was sure what to make of the whole situation. There were way too many witnesses to call it a hoax, but none of what she said made any sense. I mean, can you expect rational, logical human beings to believe that there was a land out there somewhere that was home to sentient, talking, horses? Yeah, I didn't quite buy it either.'

That was, until two weeks later, when the same pony, accompanied by two others, stepped through the same portal. The other two were called Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and they were the actual rulers of this Equestria. They had decided that the portal accident was a good thing, and could be used to the advantage of both of our civilizations. Celestia actually made quite a convincing argument. Enough that quite a few people wondered if they could actually visit Equestria. The princesses said that this was indeed possible, but there had to be some legal and political finangling to do first.

It took a couple of months, but eventually everything fell into place. At first, it was only humans visiting Equestria. But when they came back and told everyone how great the Equestrian ponies were, people started to actually move there permanently. I thought this was crazy. Equestria was about a hundred years behind in technology, and while they had magic at their disposal, it seemed a bit of a stretch to leave the comforts of Earth for there.

However, business wasn't as good on the other side. The ponies, though they weren't necessarily afraid of humans, just didn't like Earth that much. Something about greed, corruption, and war, things that are almost unheard of to them. However, that didn't mean that there weren't any Equestrians who came through the portal. I'm talking, of course, about Griffons.

Griffons, as any student of mythology knows, are animals that are kind of half-eagle, half-lion, and all-dangerous. They were much more used to the ills that mankind experienced, and they were quite happy to meet fellow sentient meat-eaters.

So, as one can expect, when you are the head chef at a steakhouse in Manhattan and there is a portal right in Times Square, you start getting a lot of Griffons come through the door. It didn't hurt that Griffons were really easy to cook for. They were used to eating food raw, and most of them preferred it that way. And the Griffons ate my stuff up, literally and figuratively. There would be some nights where there would be more Griffons in my place than humans, it was a little scary.

Then, one night, everything changed.

"Man, you won't believe who's here," it was Harry, one of the waiters.

"Who," I asked, not looking up from my pan.

"King Geraldo, leader of the fucking Griffon Kingdom!"

I did stop and look up from my work, but only for a second, "You're right, I don't believe it."

"And apparently, he's looking for you."

"Well that's not my problem," I said, tossing the pan in such a way and watching the fire from the stovetop flare up.

"Hey, Alex," another voice called from behind Harry.

"Yeah, Tony," I responded, Tony was the head waiter, so if he was looking for me it must be something important.

"King Geraldo from the Griffon Kingdom just came in, and he's looking for you."

I stopped everything and looked at Tony with a sigh, "Are you serious?"

"Told ya, man," Harry said with a little chuckle.

"Alright, fine, I'm coming." I quickly wiped my hands on a near-by towel and followed Tony out onto the main floor.

The steakhouse is fairly large, at least by NYC standards. The floor was bustling with servers, and patrons, both human and Griffon. As was becoming the usual, there were about equal numbers of both species.

Tony led me straight to one particular Griffon who was flanked by two guards. Of course, the guards weren't brandishing weapons, but you could still tell by their get-ups. The Griffon they were flanking was about the same size as an average Griffon, meaning his head came to about my chest. He had the trademark white-and-brown feathering pattern, though some of his head feathers were beginning to gray, a sign of age. On top of his head sat a golden crown.

"Am I to assume that you are the head chef?" he said with a tone that told me he already knew the answer.

"That would be me," I responded, "and am I to assume that you are King Geraldo?"

"Yes. I have heard a lot about you and your resturant from members of my court. It is a pleasure to meet you."

He stuck out a clawed hand. And, though I had never actually shook a Griffon claw before, I gladly accepted it.

"So," I continued, "are you here to talk, or are you here to eat?"

"Talk first, eat after. First off, I have come to procure your services."

I tilted my head, "If you mean you've come to eat my food, then you've come to the right place."

Geraldo laughed, "No, that's not exactly what I meant. You see, I've been searching all over for a personal chef, and I think you may just be it."

"You want me to be your personal chef!?"

"Well, not mine, my daughter's."

"Has she ever eaten here before?"

"She's never been to Earth, so no. But judging what my subjects tell me, and what I'm about to experience myself, I would say you fit the ticket pretty well."

"Should I be afraid to ask what happened to her last one?"

"What made you think she had one before?"

"Just a guess."

"Well, she got rid of him. She said, and I quote, 'He wouldn't know good food if it kicked him in the balls.'"

"I see. Well, your majesty, while I am honored by the invitation, I'm afraid I will have to respectfully decline. I've got a kitchen to run here."

"Would you please reconsider?" he was almost pleading at this point, "It's a tough job keeping my daughter happy, and if you can do it, I will reward you most handsomely."

"I'm sorry, your majesty, I just can't do it."

"One meal. Cook one meal for us at the palace. You can botch it up on purpose for all I care. If she doesn't like it, you don't have to stay, if she does, then you do."

"OK," I conceded, "on one condition."

"Name it."

"I get to choose what I make."

"Deal."

And that, my friends, is how I got suckered into going to the Griffon Kingdom.