A Cook and a Griffon

"May I see your ID please?"

I passed my state ID to the human female who was stationed at the Times Square portal the next morning. Thanks to some magic from Celestia, the portals were now completely visible, and there were various booths and stations on both sides of the portals to assist travelers.

"And what is your business in Equestria?"

"I'm visiting the Griffon Kingdom as a special guest of King Geraldo."

"Oh, not many humans go to the Griffon Kingdom. Do you know how to get there?"

"Yes, the king gave me directions. Just get on a train in Canterlot and some of his men will receive me when I get to his capital."

"Very good sir. OK, you're all set, have a pleasant trip to Equestria."

"Thank you."

I stepped through the magical portal for the very first time. It didn't feel magical. Really, it just felt like walking through the sliding doors at the supermarket. On the other side, sat similar booths and stations, all of these manned by ponies. I walked up to the first available station I saw, where a green female pony, one without a horn or wings, or an Earth pony as I had learned they were called, was stationed.

"May I see your ID please," she asked. I still don't know why they asked for it twice, since it was impossible to go from one side to the other without one. Of course, I forked it over anyway.

"Very good, are you going to be exchanging your currency for Bits?" Bits, the base currency of Equestria, including the Griffon Kingdom, were small, round, gold coins.

"Not today," I answered, "this is only a brief visit, I don't think I'll need them."

"Very good, sir. Would you care for a map of Equestria or Canterlot?"

"No, I don't need that either, I know exactly where I'm going."

"Very good, sir. Well, you're all set then, enjoy your visit to Equestria."

I headed to the train station, which was a straight shot from the portal. Fortunately, I wouldn't need to spend money on a ticket, since King Geraldo had already made my travel arrangements. I simply told my name to the pony at the ticket counter, got my ticket, and went on my way.

I didn't have to wait long for the train bound for the Griffon Kingdom. After quickly flashing the ticket to the conductor, who happened to be a griffon, I settled down in a seat in coach. There didn't seem to be many other passengers aboard, which suited me just fine. I didn't want to have to answer too many questions about why a human was going to the kingdom. All I wanted was a smooth train ride, and to get out of here as soon as possible. Not that I had any problems with Equestria or any of its residents, I just liked where I was living more.

"Coffee, soda, paper," I heard a female voice coming down the aisle. Turning to look, I saw a female griffon pushing a cart. Of course, I had seen my fair share of female griffons by this point, and for some reason, I found them more interesting than female ponies. It probably has to do with how they all have colored feathers around their eyes giving them permanent eye shadow. Maybe I'm just a sucker for a girl who knows a good steak.

"What newspapers do you have," I asked when she reached where I was sitting.

"Oh, we have them from all over. Canterlot, Manehattan, Baltimare, the Crystal Empire..."

"Does the Griffon Kingdom have a paper."

"I can give you the one from the capital," she reached down and pulled out a slim newspaper before handing it to me. The typeface read The Talonclaw Tribune, I could only assume that Talonclaw was the name of the capital city.

"Thank you very much," I said.

"Now wouldn't it be ironic if you were the human their talking about on the front page."

Curious as to what she meant, I looked down at the paper's top headline. It read: "King Geraldo Invites Human Chef to Palace." Reading the first paragraph or two, it seemed that the paper had wondered what prompted the king to make a trip to Earth, and he told them it was for a particular restaurant and a particular chef, meaning me.

"Can't say that I am," I lied, "but whomever he is, he must be some cook for the king to make a special invitation."

"That's true. Well, I'll be on my way now, I'll be back around in awhile."

"OK," I responded before thinking of something else, "Oh, one more thing, how long is this trip going to take?"

"About four hours," she said with a cheerful smile.

"Thank you."

And so I wiled away the hours, reading the paper and looking out the window at the Equestrian scenery.

I also thought about dinner. If I made a dinner to the standards that I usually set, I would almost certainly be hired. But Geraldo had given me the option to completely botch the whole thing. I was torn. I had no real want to stay in the Griffon Kingdom, or Equestria for that matter, but I also had my professional reputation to think about. If word got out that I had served a terrible dinner to the king, my business with the griffons would suffer. Eventually, I decided to leave the matter for later, and just enjoy my trip.

As the attendant had said, four hours later the train reached Talonclaw. I got off the train and proceeded to stick out like a sore thumb, being the tallest creature around. Soon after grabbing the small bag I brought with me, I was approached by two griffons clad in golden armor, obviously guards of some sort.

"Good day, sir," one of them said, "we are here to escort you to the Royal Palace."

"Lead the way."

I followed the two guards off the train platform and to a golden carriage. It was topless and reminded me of those horse-drawn carriages tourists take around Central Park. The guards quickly hooked themselves to the front and began to pull as I took a seat and got comfortable.

The ride was enjoyable enough, and the city was like any other city in Equestria I suppose. I did find it a bit uncomfortable that most, if not all, of the citizens we passed gawked at me like I was in a circus parade, but I could live with it. After all, it was just one day here, and then I would go back home and everything would return to normal.

When we reached the palace, I had to admit that I was impressed. In comparison to the castle in Canterlot, which had been in pictures on the news, this one seemed much more substantial. Sure, the castle of Celestia and Luna was bigger, but the white marble of it made it look like something that would be built at the Magic Kingdom. The solid stone and wood construction of this palace gave it a much more medieval feel, which was much more pleasing to my eye.

Once we reached the main gates, I was told to head inside. As I did so, the guards left with the carriage again, much to my confusion. However, as soon as I was inside, I was greeted by a maid, or at least I assumed she was judging by her outfit.

"Good afternoon, sir," she greeted, "I was asked to escort you to the dining hall. King Geraldo is just in the middle of lunch, but I'm sure he won't mind knowing you have arrived."

I followed the maid down a couple of hallways until we reached the royal dining hall. Inside, Geraldo was sitting, alone, at the head, eating what looked to be ham. He immediately saw me and silently beckoned me to sit down.

"Yes, your majesty," I said, holding up my single bag, "but what should I do with this?"

"I'll take it for you," the maid said, grabbing it out of my hand with her beak before walking back out of the room.

With that question answered, I took a seat next to Geraldo. Soon, a staff brought out a tray stacked with ham for me. I asked for some bread, which he quickly retrieved. I was going to make myself a sandwich.

"So," the king finally spoke up after a spell, "how was your trip."

"It was fine. Had time to read the local paper."

"So I presume you saw the front-page piece."

"Yes I did. Is it really that big of news?"

"Unlike the lands dominated by ponies, the Griffon Kingdom doesn't get many visitors from your world. And it was my first trek to the other side, so it was headline-making event."

"Fair enough," I replied, taking a bite of my sandwich before realizing that something was missing. "Excuse me, your highness, but are your wife and daughter not joining us for lunch?"

"Gilda is always late for lunch," he sighed, "and unfortunately, my wife left this world many years ago."

I quickly swallowed the food in my mouth, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't worry about it," he said with a smile, "there's no way you would have known."

Right then, the doors to the hall, the same that I had come through in the first place, slammed open. Spinning around to look, I saw a female griffon standing there. She seemed a bit bulkier than most female griffons, especiallly around her chest and shoulders. She was a little bit taller than average as well. Her eye feathers were a soft purple color, giving almost the appearance of a smokey eye, which brought out her golden eyes. The tips of her longest head feathers were the same color, though I suspected this was a dye job, as I had never seen that feature before.

"Ah, Gilda," the king said pleasantly, "good of you to join us."

"Us?" she said, locking her eyes onto me, "Who the fuck is this meatbag?"

That took me aback a fair bit. I had yet to hear any Equestrian curse, not even a griffon with a few shots in him. And to hear it from the king's daughter was the last thing I expected.

"This," Geraldo said as calmly as possible and pointing to me with a talon, "is Mr. Alex Austin, a well-known chef in New York."

I smiled and nodded my head in a kind of greeting.

"What is he doing here," Gilda sneered, obviously unimpressed.

"He's agreed to cook for us tonight," the king explained.

"Hmph, well let's just hope he's better than the last guy."

Gilda completed her walk around the table, behind her father, to take her own seat across from me. Soon she was served her own plate, which she promptly began to wolf, I mean griffon, down.

"So chef," the king turned his attention back to me, "what are you going to make for us this evening?"

"I'm afraid I have to keep that a secret," I replied. In reality, I still hadn't decided. "Would you mind if I took a look in the kitchen?"

"By all means."

I rose from my seat and went toward the swinging double-doors which all the staff seemed to go in and out of, assuming that was the way to the kitchen. Fortunately I was correct, and I soon found myself in my element. The palace kitchen was very impressive, with just about eveything a chef could ask for. My eyes ran all over, taking a mental inventory of the area.

"Hey, who gave you permission to be back here?"

I turned and saw a shortish male griffon. I could immediately tell by his outfit that he was a cook, if not the head chef.

"King Geraldo did," I calmly explained.

"King...wait, are you that human I read about in the paper?"

"That I would be."

"Well it's a pleasure to meet a human chef then."

"Thank you. I would shake hands, but mine aren't washed."

"Of course. Now, what can I do for you?"

"Just getting the lay of the land. If you didn't know, I'm the one doing the cooking tonight."

"Really? And what exactly are you making?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'll come up with something. I hoped that taking a tour of the kitchen would give me an idea.

Then I got one.

"Say, you would know this. If I wanted to make something that Gilda absolutely hated, what would I do?"

"Pray to whatever god you believe in, that's what," the griffon chef joked, "But seriously, make her anything spicy. She can't stand spicy foods, something about hot sauce and vanilla-lemon drops."

An almost evil smirk crossed my face, "I know exactly what I'm going to make."

"Splendid. What are you going to need?"

"Just get me two whole frozen chickens, and I'll take care of the rest. By the way, I don't think we were properly introduced, I'm Chef Alex."

"Chef Ferdinand."

*--*--*--*--*

After a brief trip to find the room where they had put my bag and retrieving the uniform I had personally brought, I returned to the kitchen. It was going to take a few hours to get this right, and I wasn't planning on screwing it up.

Ferdinand had gotten me the chickens I requested, and so the cooking process could begin. I had to decided to put a spin on roasted chicken, usually a safe and harmless dish, but I was going to make it anything but.

I started with two bowls, and started mixing all kinds of spices and things of the like in each. Above each bowl I stuck a small piece of tape to the table, one marked 'K', the other marked 'G'. As I was working, Ferdinand was unsurprisingly confused.

"What's with the tape?"

"So I don't get the bowls mixed up."

"You're fixing each chicken differently?"

"Not exactly, just going to make them taste different. Like I said, can't afford to mix them up."

"I hope you know what you're doing."

I ignored him and continued my work. Once all the necessary ingredients were in the bowls, I started to reduce them into a liquid state. When that was finished, I took the chickens and brushed the entire outside of each with the spices, making sure to keep track of which one was which. Once that was done, it was to the roaster, which was a classic turn roaster. A few hours on that, and they would be done and ready to serve.

Before I knew it, it was dinnertime and Geraldo and Gilda had been seated. Fortunately for me, Ferdinand had taken it upon himself to make them a small first course. When it was time for the main course, I elected to carry the chickens out myself, so that there would be no confusion. Placing each whole chicken in front of each of them, I stood behind Geraldo and waited.

The king went first, picking up a fork and knife, much to my surprise, and carving a nice slice for himself. Popping into his mouth without a second thought, chewed, and swallowed.

"Delicious," he said after a brief moment of silence.

I smiled, I knew he would like it. His chicken had just enough spice to give it a kick and some heat, but not enough to be overbearing. However, I was really waiting for Gilda. Her chicken was marinated in the hottest stuff they had in the pantry, with the full intention of setting her mouth on fire. I could only hope that Ferdinand was right. She would hate it, probably bark at me to leave, maybe even threaten me, but at least I would be able to go home.

Gilda sliced off a wing with her talons and took a big bite. Big mistake, as her eyes immediately went askew, one pupil becoming bigger than the other. She immediately grabbed her glass of water and downed it in one gulp. I believe I literally saw steam coming out of her nostrils. I tightly gripped my hands behind my back. It was all I could do to keep from laughing at the spectacle, though in hindsight, that may have helped my case.  She started to pant in an attempt to purge the fire from her mouth.

"Are you alright, Gilda?" Geraldo asked, concerned.

"Yeah," she snapped, "fine."

"Are you enjoying your meal?"

Gilda then looked past her father to me, wearing the biggest, and most devilish smile I've ever seen.

"Oh, yes," she said, trying her hardest to mask her sarcasm, "I think I ate too much at lunch, I'm not really that hungry."

With that, she got up from her seat and left the room. A waitstaff took her plate away from the table. Then the king turned around in his seat to face me.

"Well," he said with a genuine smile, "you heard her. I knew she would like your cooking. Seems like you've got the job."

"What!?" I exclaimed, finally able to say something after holding my tounge for so long, "She hated it! She hates spicy food!"

"Maybe she just enjoyed a nice kick for a change," the king turned back around and continued his meal, "Feel free to make something for yourself, have a good evening."

I stood there in stunned silence for a time. With nothing I could really say, I left the dining hall and walked very purposefully back to my room.

However, after turning the last corner, I came face-to-beak with the griffon who I had tried so hard to make hate me: Gilda. She was facing me, tail flicking back and forth, bearing the same look on her face that you see on a female lion before she attacks an antelope. I was a dead man.

"Hey human," she took a few steps toward me before reaching up with her right claw and pulling me down to be at her eye level, "I know what you did. And I'm very angry."

"Well, if you're so angry, why would you lie about liking the chicken?"

"Because," she said, surprisingly calm, "dad told me about the deal he made with you. And, quite frankly, I don't like you, so I was going to let you go. But then you served me that fire-smothered chicken, and I changed my mind. You see," her voice began to raise in ire, "now dad will make you stay here, and I can make your life a living Tartarus!"

She proceeded to throw me into the wall back first. Not paying me another mind, she continued on her way, chuckling to herself the whole way.

"Oh, crap," I muttered.