Author's Note

Sorry this came out later than expected. With school starting back it sure is a bitch, especially when all my classes are Agriculture .

Regardless of my dismay which you care nothing about, here is the new story. Expect the next episode that wraps it up to come out soon. Or at least whenever Jimmy has free time, cause I'm always available to write stories .

We thought it would be funny to put a spin on the CMC, since Jimmy hates them, I reccomended we each give them their own tick, or whatever. Scootaloo is a sex craving masochist .

Sweetie Belle is a schizophrenic (Her's is more subtle) .

And Applebloom is an alcoholic... who is also sex craving as well .

Episode 5: Promptly Poisonous Plants

Character Sheet:
Apple Bloom
Sweetie Belle
Scootaloo
Jacob
Jimmy
Trixie
Twilight

Our story begins in the CMC clubhouse (And for once, not the fucking Library)! “See you guys!” exclaimed Sweetie Belle, “This is the guy who helped me get my Cutie Mark!”

Jacob scanned the room, shrugged, and asked “Why.. uh.. am I here?”

“We thought maybe you could help us get our Cutie Marks, or spank us!” exclaimed Scootaloo.

“I *hic* thnk thay you are a vury *hic* sexie man, nao come here *hic* you shtalliun!” ranted Applebloom as she jumped towards Jacob.

"Eughh, don't touch me!” shouted Jacob, as Applebloom face planted right beside him, “Sweetie Belle you got some… weird friends.”

“We’re too weird!” Scootaloo insisted, “We’re naughty! You should discipline us!”

“Not doing that,” Jacob retorted, “Listen Belle if I’m not doing anything here I got a couch I need to be lounging naked on at home”

“I’ll *hic* gladly join you, as I *hic* am already nekked.” Applebloom slurred.

Jacob sighed heavily, “If all I’m doing is getting requested to fuck then I’m leaving before the police show up to arrest my pedopile ass.”

“No no no!” pouted the small white pony, “W-we have something planned! We were… um… g-g-gonna play hide and seek!”

“... We were?” faltered Applebloom.

“Yea you drunk sack of diarrhea! In the… the… the Everfree forest!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.

Scootaloo, puzzled, remarked “I don’t remember discussing th-”

“Listen Scoots,” Sweetie Belle said pulling Scootaloo aside, “Do this for me and I’ll melt candle wax on your body later.”

“I LOVE HIDE AND SEEK!” roared Scootaloo, “Let’s go! Right now, right now, right now!”

“We’re not doing that,” Jacob objected, “I didn’t come here just to f-” Jacob noticed Sweetie Belle looked on the verge of tears. “I mea- I… Fine, we’ll play tag, for my little one.”

“He’s mine you *hic* dumb sadistic bitch, come at *hic* me bro!” Applebloom managed to mutter before faceplanting on the floor. The 3 then walk there way to Everfree forest, while the other 4th party member, wobbled their way there.

“So… what is this game of hide and seek?” Jacob questioned.

“It’s where you hit us with whips and call us your bitches!” Scootaloo proclaimed.

“That’sh not how!” Applebloom slurred, “Big Mac plays hide and *hic* shreak with me all the time, and that’sh not how we play it.. t. It’sh when he hides the *hic* Bourbon whiskey from meh,” she then whips out a bottle of the very same alcohol, “BUT!... I fi *hic*... find it errytime!”

“I swear I don’t know why I’m friend with both of you dick waffles,” the sad white filly sighed, “Let’s just play the game… 123-- NOT IT!”

“NOT IT!” Scootaloo shouted not so shortly after.

“Ermm… what is ‘it’?” Jacob asked

“Just say it!!!” Sweetie Belle asserted.

“... Not it?” Jacob said unsure.

Applebloom, who had just chugged the whole fucking bottle of Bourbon turned to them, “... Did I miss shomething?...”

“Hahah! Applebloom’s it! Okay, everyone hide!” Sweetie Belle jested as she then ran away.

“Hide with me,” Scootaloo said flirtatiously, tugging at Jacob’s uniform sleeve, “We can do naughty things while the drunkard looks for us.”

“Yea… no, you’re a young filly with the mind of a perverted ol shit who get’s off to nipple clamps and Bad Dragon dog shaped butt plugs.” Jacob scoffed.

“Mmmh, tell me more about these nipple clamps.” the small orange philly moaned.

“I’m out,” Jacob retorted, as he then walked into the forest.

“... Am I s’posed to be doin' something?” Applebloom asked.

“I swear if it weren’t for Belle I would have killed those 2 fillies. I have no problem killing kids, done it before.” Jacob grunted to himself. “Hmm, interesting wildlife this realm has, I’ve never seen some of these plants.” As he continued searching for a place to conceal himself so that the ‘seek’ may commence, Jacob stumbled upon a patch of blue looking flowers, with large leaves with bulbs and several petals sticking out of the center, and in the very center of the patch, was a hollow log, “Ah, that’d be a good hiding spot. Then again the ‘seeker’ is drunk off her shit.”

“Aww shit, you got me.” Sweetie Belle pouted as Apple Bloom tagged her, “Well, it took you long enough.”

“She got me too,” Scootaloo whined.

“Wait, have you found Jacob yet?” Sweetie Belle asked suspiciously.

“Nope, I haven’t found his hawt *hic* human ASS yet.” Applebloom slurred. The 3 then went out in search to find their beloved, sexy nazi friend. They searched for minutes, even hours, calling out his name and checking every nook and cranny they saw.

“I’m getting a little worried,” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, “m-maybe you 2 should go into Town and get some help from his other human friend.”

“Ish he *hic* hot?” Applebloom babbled.

“Ehh he’s… so-so. But THAT’S not the point! Go get help you 2 shit sacks, I’m gonna keep looking for him.” Sweetie said boldly. Applebloom and Scootaloo then ran towards Ponyville in order to find the silverware wielding shit head.

“Trixie does not see the problem,” Trixie moped, “Trixie followed you home and is now living with you.”

“That’s the problem you self adoring rapist! I didn’t say it was okay for you to crash at my pad when you have a good mansion to be living at.” Jimmy exclaimed. Just then the door bursted open, with Jimmy to be greeted by two very distressed fillies. “Great, everyone break into my fucking house! Let’s have a party!”

“What sorta party?” Scootaloo purred.

“You dum slut, we’re not *hic* here to parttie. We’re here to… Wait, why are *hic* we here again?” The drunk filly murmured.

“Oh yea, Mr. human, your sexy friend is lost in the Everfree forest, we need your help.” Scootaloo begged.

“Great, that dumb nazi shit head getting into more antics and dumb shit,” Jimmy moped. “I’m a little busy right now though, and to be honest he can stay lost for all I care.”

“I’ll let you rape me if you save him!” Scootaloo offered.

“WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH RAPE AROUND HERE?!” Jimmy cried.

“Okay Seinfeld, heheh… *hic*” giggled Applebloom

“Trixie will help look, if Trixie cannot get the attention of you, then Trixie will save your friend,” Trixie chimed.

“As much as I hate him, I don’t hate him enough to sick you onto him, so I guess I’m coming too.” Jimmy replied. The 2 fillies then led them to where they were playing tag, they then set out their search.

“... Trixie thinks she sees a boot jointing out of that log over there in that patch of blue flowers.” Trixie reported.

“Well let’s go check,” Jimmy replied. Trixie and Jimmy then began to make their way through the thicket of flowers to meet their Nazi friend stuck.

“What are you guys doing here?” Jacob asked, “Sorry, there’s a lot to this game I don’t understand.”

“Shut up smartass,” Jimmy grunted, “Now get out of that log.”

“Well, it appears I’m stuck, I’m sorry you two. I need help out” Jacob replied sadly

“Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?...” Jimmy asked annoyed “Whatever, hey home invaders, grab his other leg and pull.” As Jimmy gripped Jacob’s right leg and Trixie used her magic to grip the left, they managed to get Jacob out.

“Thank you, I don’t know why I’m being nice… I don’t rather like it.” Jacob replied confused.

Suddenly there was a shout coming not to far away from the group, “Y’all besht get outsa that *hic* poison joke, it’ll fuck ya up!” Applebloom cried.

“Oh no, I’ve heard of this stuff, it curses something something about you that you do often o-or your mobility,” Trixie said shaking.

“Oh, that’s a change, you spoke in first person and not third,” mentioned Jacob.

“OH NO, OH NO, OH NO! I can’t say my own name! We better get outta this stuff before it gets worse!” Trixie ranted.

“You got that right COCKHEAD.” Jimmy roared.

“Splendid,” Jacob sighed. “I turn nice, Trixie speaks in first person, and now Jimmy has tourettes…” The 3 then came from the poison joke, disappointed it had already taken it’s effect so quickly. Sweetie Belle ran towards Jacob and quickly rubbed against him.

“I’m sorry master,” she whimpered, “I shouldn’t have recommended playing out in the Everfree Forest.” Jacob then picked up Belle as he coddled her.

“There there Sweetie, the only thing that will suffer is the rage slowly building up inside me and most the humor that comes from this shitty story that no one’s going to read.” Jacob replied calmly.

“So what’s it going to FUCKING take to cure us of these ASSES… these curses?” Jimmy shouted.

“The lashht time that we got cursed by thish *hic* poison smoke was something about… Twilight I think… I don’t know, I was reeeeeally drukk at *hic* the time.” slurred the lil alcoholic philly.

“I… I want to say something insulting about her but I just… We need to get this cured ASAP!” Jacob declared.

“Agreed,” replied Trixie, “I can’t STAND talking like this.” The group ventured out of Everfree Forest, and went to Twatbright's library. Jacob entered the library, searched for Twilight, found her in the kitchen, and explained the situation.

Twilight laughed and asked “You 3 dick shits got into some poison joke? I’m curious, what did you get infected with?”

Jimmy blurted out “I don’t see SHIT why you need to FUCK know, just FUCKING tell us how to COCK cure it!”

Jacob sighed and said “I got nice, Jimmy seems to have spontaneous tourrettes, and Trixie, well she can’t speak in third person anymore, let alone say her own name.”

Twilight pondered a moment, before replying “Well that’s just… amazing! I mean damn, you being nice is awesome, Trixie not being able to be a stuck up sounding bitch is spectacular, and Jimmy having tourettes is hilarious. Why should I help you?”

“Because if not I’ll!... Treat you with the respect you deserve and not threaten to kill you!... Okay I can’t do this, Jimmy you say something threatening…” Jacob replied, with tears in his eyes.

“Alright listen here you little WHORE bitch, I can’t FUCK live like this, please COCK help me this is really starting to FUCK hurt” yelled Jimmy. Twilight, hearing this roared with laughter, and magic’d them out of her library.

Jacob stood up, turned to the library and yelled, “That was very rude of you to do, and I’d like an apology!”

A faint yell was heard from inside the library, “You’ll get an apology when I give a shit, now get off my property!” The 3 fillies waited outside waiting to hear the news.

“Any luck master?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Nope, as lovely as a woman she is, she kicked us out.” Jacob sighed, then started coughing and hacking violently, “Sorry, my immune system doesn’t like me being nice… This hurts a lot…”

“We could try and SHIT talk to AppleJack, maybe she’ll know the FUCKING cure” Jimmy suggested. The group head towards Sweet Apple Acres, standing in front of the family barn, where a loud scream was heard from inside.

WILL JACOB, JIMMY, AND TRIXIE BE STUCK WITH THEIR CURSE OF POISON JOKE? WILL THEY FIND A CURE? IS AJ IN TROUBLE? WHY AM I NOT WEARING PANTS? FIND OUT, ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF ADVENTURES OF EQUESTRIA!