Pinkie's New Hero

Spike rose his aching head off the pillow, hearing his own heart throb through the veins pulsating in his head. His mouth parched, his eyes heavy, and that throbbing still pounding away in his skull. He pulled himself out of bed, knocking over a beer bottle, the events of last night quickly unraveling in his head. Drinking, playing games, rough housing, yep he'd been drinking with Scootaloo all night. He turned his head after hearing a faint mumble, noticing Scootaloo in his bed, she still had all her clothes on, so Spike assumed nothing 'happened'. He ignored her and made his way downstairs and into his kitchen. It was a mess, beer bottles and chips strung out among the counters and floor, he quickly threw some coffee grains into the coffee machine along with some water, and began picking up the mess. Tossing the beer bottles and chips into a bag, wiping up the rest of the shit that polluted the floor. 'Shit Scootaloo probably has work today, I'd better go wake her up.' Spike thought. He wasn't looking forward to doing it either, that aftermath with Scootaloo was always dreadful, she'd never move an inch after a night of drinking, she'd just lay there for hours on hours, one time even a whole day until she decided to get up. Spike made his way back upstairs to his 'Sleeping Beauty', he crawled onto the bed and shook her a bit, "Scoots, don't you have to work today?"

"Fuck you I'll call in sick," she moaned.

Spike lazily chuckled, "You sure sound the part, no doubt they'll believe you."

"... What am I doing in your bed anyway? Did we do shomething?"

"Well I guess neither of us know for sure, so let's just say no for now."

"Easy for you to say, you can't squirt a baby out your dick, unlike a woman." the sickly purple haired girl mumbled.

"Well we're both still wearing our clothes, so I doubt anything happened. Besides why would you fuck me anyway? You'd have to be more than drunk to do that." Spike explained.

"Can I stay here for a while, please?"

Spike patted her head reassuringly, "Whatever you want my princess."

"Thanks smartass." she moped as she turned back over. Spike chuckled a bit, it only hurt his head though as he did. He walked back downstairs getting a cup of coffee, and sitting down at this table, enjoying the silence of his house. His hands shaking as he brought his mug up to his lips, his home feeling like an icy tundra. It always felt so damn cold when the hangover set in for Spike, his coffee was like a fire to him as he downed it, hoping it'd help warm him up. He was about to shower until there was a knock at the door. 'I swear to god if I have to babysit some kid today I'm gonna shoot myself. Spike tossed his mug into the sink and made his was to the door.

"Listen buddy I can't exactly watch yo-" he began, but quickly stopped seeing an extremely stern Amish looking man. "I-I mean how can I help you?"

"Buddy? Anyone teach you anything about calling elders sir? I ain't your buddy, and you're prices for sittin' makes me wanna whip your ass right now, but my wife, me, and my two daughters gotta take an emergency trip into Equestria. There's only so much room in the cart, so I'm leaving the littlest one with you, I'll be back sometime around ten. If there's anything wrong with my daughter when I get back, you'd pray you weren't born." He walked off, revealing a very dead eyed pink haired little nine year old girl who stayed standing as her dad hopped back into his wagon, and took off. Spike swallowed the remaining masculinity he had before that freaky Amish dude took it all, he sighed heavily and opened the door, the little girl walking inside.

"So uh... hey." Spike stated, still shaken up over the lecture he was just given.

"Hello sir." the pink hair girl dully stated.

"Your pop sure is scary, don't tell him I said that." he chuckled, she was unresponsive. "Erm... So uh, what do you wanna do?"

"I dunno," she replied.

"Well what do you do for fun?"

"... Fun?" she asked, sounding unfamiliar with the word.

"You want to um... color?"

"What's that?" those dead eyes staring right at him, almost piercing his soul.

"Just uh... c'mere." he opened the drawer beside his couch and pulled out a color book with some colored pencils, walking over to his kitchen table as the little girl followed. Spike placed the coloring book in front of her along with the pencils. "So, you're telling me you don't know what to do?"

"Sorry sir, I don't"

"It's alright kid, there's a first time for everything," he replied as he came up from behind her, "Let's just pick out a page of a picture you really like, just tell me when to stop." Spike flipped through page after page, not once did she say anything, until he landed on the one with the barn did she say stop, 'Of course, why would I expect any different? Amish people...' "You like farms huh?"

"I live on one, but this one is different," she replied dully, "There's plants and stuff on it."

"What sorta farm do you live on?"

"A rock farm."

"... I didn't think they had those." Spike replied, trying to sound interested. 'Shit I can see why the kid looks so dead now, she's miserable the whole damn time. Scootaloo gets to sleep and I'm stuck here with a hangover watching the depressed kid of an angry Amish father.' "Okay kid, so what you wanna do now is pick a color you want whatever to be. The grass can be pink, or the barn could be purple, whatever you want it to be," she picked up the gray pencil, "Or gray that's a... depressing color, sure." Spike grabbed her arm and helped guide her to color in, once he let go though she just starting coloring the whole page in gray. Spike sighed and took position opposite of her at the table. "So kid, what's your name?"

"Pinkamena, sir." she replied,still coloring.

"That's a nice name."

"Really?..." she asked looking up at him.

"Well, yea. It's original, never heard anyone else called Pinkamena before."

"Oh... thank you." she said, almost smiling. Spike let a little grin overcome him, 'Alright, if she doesn't know what happiness is then let's show her.'

"Not very many girls I've met with pink hair, it suits you very well."

"I always liked my sisters' hair better, gray looks really nice," she replied unsure.

"Nonsense, you look cuter with pink rather than gray I think."

"Oh, thanks," she put the grey pencil down, looking over the others.

"If you don't mind me saying, I think you have really pretty blue eyes," Spike said with a smile.

"Why are you being so nice mister?" she asked, unsure how to respond.

"Sorry I always act so nervous around pretty women that I just say whatever comes to mind." she wiggled around in her chair, red faced. 'Okay, reel it back just a bit Spikey.' Spike looked to her drawing on the table, "I really like your drawing."

"You don't think that it's too gray?" she asked.

"Now that you mention it it does look a bit gray, we'll just add some other colors to it then." he retorted. She nodded a bit, her hands hovering over the pencils, unsure which to pick.

She was about to grab the black, but pulled away last second, "Uh... d-do you like blue?"

"As a matter of fact blue is my favorite color, let's make it a nice bright blue day for the farm." he could've sworn he heard a giggle in her throat. It was now Spike's mission to make this girl laugh before the day was over.

She put the pencil down, "How do you know when you're done?"

"When you're most satisfied with it."

She handed it to Spike, "Do you like it?" Being honest, it was literal shit. the entire lower half was all gray with a blue sky, obviously you can't tell a kid that, so he played it off.

"This looks really good, in fact, this is going right on the fridge," he stood up, putting the paper on the fridge and putting a magnet over it. "You know what's funner than coloring though?" he asked as he walked behind her.

"What?"

"Tickling!" he exclaimed, he quickly slipped his hands under her armpits and began to wriggle his fingers around. She wriggled around, unsure how to react letting out groans and moans (Not sexually you pervert). But her groans quickly turned more upbeat as he started poking at her sides, wriggling around so much her chair toppled over, Spike caught her as he still tickled at the giggling little girl.

"Noooo, stop please!" she begged. Spike drew away from the still giggling kid, "Why'd you do that?" she asked, still laughing.

"To make you laugh, and it worked too, I had you laughing harder than I ever did my entire life."

"I like laughing, it makes me feel good." she smiled, her eyes not looking quite as dead, in fact there was a slight glisten to them.

"That's what fun is, it's laughing, it's doing stuff you enjoy, stuff your grumpy old dad wouldn't understand," Spike explained, making her giggle again.

"I got an idea. What do you normally eat kid?"

"Uhh... Bread, peas, corn, chicken."

"Ever eat a doughnut or a cupcake? Comfort foods?"

"What's that? Com-fort foods?" she said trying to mouth it out.

"Alright kid, we need to get you to the Cake's place stat." He gestured her to follow as he stood up and made his way to the door. "SCOOTALOO! I'll be back in a sec, you better not start drinking again!"

"Who are you yelling at?" Pinkamena asked as she walked outside, holding Spike's hand.

"Someone you never need to meet," Spike mumbled as he shut the door behind him.

"Good morning Spike, so sorry to hear you got fired from your job, we sure do miss you coming in every morning." Mrs. Cake said.

"Sorry Mrs. Cake, it's no biggie about the job, and besides I got a job babysitting cuties like these," he replied, still holding Pinkamena's hand. "So kid, you just pick whatever you want."

"I don't know what any of this is." she mumbled, embarrassed.

"Mrs. Cake, what do you recommend for a little girl who's never eaten any sort of pastry before?"

"A girl who has never had a pastry must be one sad little girl, tell ya what sweetie, I'll go get you a couple of things, don't both paying Spike," she replied warmly.

"Thanks Mrs. C, you the best." The two then sat down at a table nearest to the window. "You excited kid? You're mind's gonna explode when you taste some of these sweets."

"Now I'm kinda scared that you said that, I like my mind not blow-y up-y."

"It's only a metaphor kid," he chuckled.

"... A what?"

"Nothing." Spike replied sheepishly. Mr. Cake walked over, laying down a try of assorted goodies. "Oh, thanks Mr. Cake."

"Hey this is an emergency, a kid who's never had anything like this before is no kid at all." he replied, "Enjoy kid. I gotta get back, those sweet rolls ain't gonna roll themselves."

"They both seem really nice," Pinkie said, somewhat puzzled.

"Well they both live in a bakery, they're surrounded by goodies like these all day so it makes sense that they're chipper. Speaking of which, dig in kid, they're all for you." She raised her shaky palm over the sweets that laid before her, unknowing which to pick.

"Let's just start simple," Spike began as he picked the cookie up and handing it to her, "Cookie, it's flour, chocolate, and sugar." She took it and brought it up to her mouth and slightly nibbled at it. Her eyes shot open, taking a bigger bite out of it.

"Heheh, if you think that's good," Spike picked up a muffin as she finished scarfing down the cookie, "Muffin, berry like fruits, flour, sugar."

"Those look kinda like the tiny loaves of cornbread my mom sometimes makes." she said as she took it, biting into it, taking big bites out of it.

"Alright kid you can pick whichever one you want now, Hey Mr. Cake, get the biggest glass of milk you got!"

Sweet after sweet, bite after bite, she got everything down. The sweet rolls, the cupcakes, the cookies and mini pie, the brownies, the muffins, giving everything a try!... Why'd that rhyme? "Well kid how was... well, everything?"

"Daddy always talks about how nice heaven is, I hope it's as nice as this." she burped.

"Is it just me or did your hair get curlier?" Spike laughed, ruffling the little girls head.

"Hey you two, we're about to close up, you might wanna head home about now," Mrs. Cake informed.

"Alright, thanks again Mrs. Cake," Spike replied as he stood up.

Pinkamena however charged over at Mrs. Cake, wrapping her in a big hug, "Thank you so much Mrs. Cake, I wish I could live here forever like you!"

Mrs. Cake only laughed awkwardly, "M-maybe someday sweetheart, now run along, we have a lot to take care of." Spike offered Pinkamena his hand and they walked out together.

"You seem a lot more lively Pinkamena, glad I could show you the world of sweets."

"Eugh, I'm really starting to dread that name, call me... um... Pinkie!" she exclaimed.

"I like it, really fits your new personality kid," Spike chuckled.

"Thanks for showing me fun stuff Mr. Spike. You made me think there's more to all this than just tossing and breaking rocks. You're kinda like my hero," she said, brightly smiling as she pressed closer to him.

"Shit kid all I did was show you how to color and ate sweets with you, there's plenty more fun stuff where that came from." They drew closer to the house, Spike's heart skipped a beat when he noticed the buggy from earlier in front of his house, the Amish dude at the door talking to Scoots, looks like they got done early with their little job up in Equestria.

"I'm telling you dude, Spike said he left with some kid earlier, they ain't here," Scootaloo explained.

"Shows what I get leaving her alone with folks such as yourself. If my daughter isn't back in the next ten minutes I'm calling the police."

"Daddy!" Pinkie shouted, running over to him and giving him a big hug.

"You!" he shouted, pushing Pinkie aside, 'This is how I'm gonna die, at the hands of some pissed off whack job Amish dude.' He hoisted Spike into the air by his shirt collar.

"Where the hell do you get off at? You disrespect me earlier and now you run off with my girl, you got a thing for little kids? Huh?!"

"Daddy please stop!" Pinkie pleaded.

"Stay out of this, you're in just as much trouble as he's i-" Spike clobbered him across the jaw, causing both of them to fall.

Spike quickly stood up, dusting himself off as farmer boy picked himself up,"Sorry I had to do that, sir. But your daughter, hell probably even your whole family looks, and more than likely feel miserable. You think kids love banging rocks against... rocks, all day? I showed her happiness for once in her life, she didn't even know what the hell 'fun' meant. So go ahead, kick my ass for doing something you obviously didn't with your kids, showed them love." Spike roared, raising his fists to fight.

"No one's ever spoken to me that way before, and come to find out it's some low life teenage scum like you... But damn if I didn't deserve it," Spike lowered his fists, genuinely confused. "You're right, I'm nothing but hard on my kids. I never teach them 'fun', I never give them love, but I do it so they can survive. I need helping hands around the farm, we simply can't afford to waste time by having fun."

"That may be true, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't hug them, kiss them, show them affection even in the slightest way. They're just kids, not farm hands. And maybe just one day a week you can let them do whatever, or even change your profession, no doubt the land down there from where you live has a lot of minerals, I'm sure you'd make a nice living farming normal crops and not just... rocks."

Pinkie clung to her fathers shirt sleeve, his other kids heads popping out of the wagon as well as his wife. He gently took Pinkie's hand off his sleeve and approached Spike, and stuck his hand out to him. Spike returned the gesture, and shook hands with each other, "You taught me a lot kid, thanks for setting me straight. And maybe you're right about the farm, I could maybe terraform it into growable land." He stuck his hand down into his pocket and whipped out a small stack of bills, sighing heavily, it's obvious they didn't have a lot of money at the moment.

"Don't worry about pay, just treat your family to something nice real soon with the money," Spike suggested.

He tucked the bills back into his overalls, patting Spike on the shoulder, "You're a good kid. Sorry I misjudged you earlier." he turned to his family, "Quartz, let's eat out tonight."

"Are you sure honey?" she asked.

"I'm sure, I owe you all a little something." he said with a weak smile.

They all cheered, including Pinkie, she quickly ran over to Spike and gave him a big warm hug, "Bye mister Spike, I hope daddy let's me come over again soon."

"Me to kid," Spike replied as he hugged her back. She quickly ran off to the wagon, and was off with their now happy family. Spike walked into the library, Scootaloo smiling at him as she entered. "What're you smiling about."

"Pretty cool the way you punched a guy in the face and made HIM feel bad about it. You're a real hero Spike," Scootaloo laughed as she turned away.

"Yep," Spike said to himself, "A real hero."

Author's Note

Strangely enough I enjoyed writing this one as well, maybe not as much as Dash's, but still I really enjoyed writing, when I thought I wouldn't. To be honest, Pinkie is my least favorite, too explosive and all over the place, so I changed it up a bit and went all Pinkamena turning into Pinkie instead. All that's left now is AJ, and maybe a few other background ponies or ones that showed up for a couple of episodes, maybe even Discord .