Equestria's Funniest Heros from Beyond

It was 8:00 A.M, John was dressed in his sleeping clothes which was a black short sleeved shirt and thin gray sweats, enjoying a nice tasty plate of Spike's homemade pancakes. Of course, John always knew Spike's homemade cooking was top notch. He sat next to Spike who was also enjoying his pancakes as well as his jewels.

"You want to taste some of these jewels? I don't know much about humans and their diets, but I can guarantee these jewels taste just absolutely delicious if you try them." Spike says with a mouthful.

"I can already guess they're tasty, but if I took a bite out of any of those jewels, I'm gonna have to get some false teeth, and let me tell you, the bill is steep when it comes to dental work." John chuckles.

"So is that a yes or a no?"

"It's a "no," buddy boy. Human's can't eat jewels. They can crunch on stuff like hash browns, cereal, croutons, etc, etc."

"Oh, alright."

Starlight then walks in. "Is there anything else you humans eat that we should be aware of?"

"WAIFU!!!" John shouted with his eyes lit up but then kept himself from losing control and cleared his throat. "Actually yeah, there's this stuff called meat, cooked animal flesh."

"WHAT?!" Starlight and Spike shouted.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!, I OVERSLEPT!!!" Shouted a male voice.

"oh boy, speak of the devil, here comes the buddy of the hour." John says, holding his arm close to his mouth, grinning. He watched as his friend was trying to straighten out his black shirt and blue jeans. "Good morning, sleepy head."

"Come on, man! Why didn't you wake me up?!" Israel shouted.

"I tried three seperate times but you wouldn't get up" John responds with a calm chuckle.

"Just how long does he normally sleep?" Starlight asks.

"Usually 10 to 12 hours."

"What?! That long?"

"Hey, you're no exception, "Sir Snores-a-lot!" Israel says. "Back at home, you're always staying up until 5 in the morning and sleeping for an enitre 13 hours straight!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Boys, that's enough! Seriously, can't you guys just go for a whole day without fighting?" Starlight asks. "Also, don't give me that "guys like to mess around with each other" excuse, it's not going to work this time."

"Ah, he's just a little cranky because he can't have pizza and the fact that he's a heavy sleeper when he's all worn out makes it all the more unbearable when it comes to such a task." John explains.

"Don't make me say shout out that one shipping you hate." Israel says with a devious grin.

"Don't you freaking dare!" John points.

"Then zip it!"

"You know what?" Starlight pauses. Her horn glows and casts a spell on the guys making their mouths disappear. "There, now until you guys learn to get along, you're not going to speak another word."

John just shrugged it off while Israel was shaking his fist, giving Starlight a frustrated look on his face. He tried to talk (or shout at her), but all that she could hear was his muffling.

"Ah, music to my ears." She says.

"Man, this is going to be great. Some peace and quiet." Spike said, leaning back on his chair, rubbing his full belly. "Phew, nothing beats a good ol' fashion pancake and jewel breakfast."

John and Israel then realized one problem with the whole "no talking" situation: How were they suppose to eat? They looked at each other with shocked expressions, sweating nervously. John's stomach slightly growled since he only had a portion of Spike's pancakes, while Israel hasn't eaten anything since he woke up. They ended up muffle shouting in a panic.

"Oops, um...maybe I should wait until you guys have had your fill. But I'm putting the spell back on after you're done." Starlight's horn lit up and made their mouths reappear. Israel bolted over to his seat and began guzzling down his pancakes. John got back to eating his pancakes as well without them saying another word.

"Jeez, he acts like he hasn't eaten at all." Spike says surprised.

"Well, he is an adult. Israel's appetite is way bigger than mine, but somehow he burns off the calories from all that running and walking when he got chased by you and Rarity." John explains.

"Hey, don't forget, I did some walking back home when I was walking back to my house from college." Israel says, before chugging down a glass of water.

"College?" Spike and Starlight asked.

"Yeah. Although, I'm only a part-time college student. I'm planning on getting my associates degree."

"That is IF we ever get back home...which I won't do." John says.

"Well, I don't want to leave this place either, but I still got a promise to keep. It would be cool if our real world and Equestria could form a connection so that I can visit this place anytime, any day."

"Welcome to reality, Israel."

"Sarcastic as always. Do you ever look on the bright side?"

"Mmm, not really."

"Big Mac x Cheerilee."

"GAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! I'M GONNA GET YOU!!!" John shouts, tackling Israel to the ground as they start brawling.

Starlight pulled them both away with her magic while they tried to grab each other by the throat.

"LET ME GO...I'M GONNA-" John gets cut off by Starlight making his mouth disappear, making John muffle.

"HA! Serves you right ya-" Israel gets cut off the same way and starts to muffle the rest of his sentence.

"Now that you boys have had your fill, I believe you two should take this time to get along like real best friends." Starlight says. Spike just couldn't help but fall on the ground, laughing.

"These guys are a real riot, they should be in a comedy act." he says.

John had went off with Twilight, Starlight and Spike to gather some quills and some ink in case Twilight had to write a few messages to Princess Celestia in the near future. Israel had gotten a lecture for being late. He was going to get a beating, but with a little help from Starlight "shutting him up," AJ was a bit relieved.

"Starlight, I know you had good intentions, but the least you could do is let John talk." said Twilight.

"Not if he's going to keep bad mouthing his friend." Starlight replied.

'Not my fault he's always pushing my buttons.' John thought to himself.

"Still, it wouldn't hurt to hear more about his life back where he lived." said Twilight sincerely.

"Twilight, we've heard plenty of stories from John." replied Starlight.

"I mean about how he grew up. I already know mostly about his species and how their lifestyle is like."

"Well, I know I want to hear about it." Spike added.

'Not happening with my mouth gone, Spike.' John thought again with an unamused expression.

"Well, maybe by the end of the day, we'll hear about it. But you know, we also haven't heard about his friend's childhood ever since we brought them here." said Starlight.

'He has a name you know. He's not just "my friend" and I don't call you "waifu" all the time.' Thought John.

"Yeah, that sounds nice. The only thing to do is keep him and John from getting into a headlock." Spike chuckles.

"I could try to have them "Pinkie Promise" to not fight until after they've told their stories." Twilight suggested.

'Oh man, I'm in real hot water now! Dear Celestia, GET ME THE HECK OUTTA HERE!!!' Shouted John in his mind.

"Hmm, yes, that does sound like a plan." Starlight said with a devious grin. "You got any problems with that, John?" She turns to the human who's sweating nervously.

'Crap, outdone by my waifu...Well, as long as it's her.' John thought before shaking his head left and right.

"Good, now once your friend comes back from Sweet Apple Acres, then we can hear all about it."

Israel was being chased around the barn by Applejack who's doing this to make him pick up the pace for sleeping in and if he slowed down the slightest bit, she'd either kick him in the ass with her hinde legs, or headbutt him there, which she stopped doing so as not to cause the guy to fart in her face like he did earlier this morning.

'WHY ME?! What have I done to deserve this hellish torture' Israel thought, running away from the cowgirl pony.

"You'd better not stop runnin' partner, or Ah'll literally buck ya all the way to Manehatten!" AJ shouted, as she was still chasing the guy, still hot on his tail.

'Gee, thanks for the pep talk, partner! Where's my type of "Scooby Snack" when I need it most?'

It only took 3 hours to get the work done around the farm and Applejack exhausted every last bit of energy he had. After AJ left for town, Israel then limped all the way back to Twilight's castle. He walked inside the castle to see the Mane 6, Starlight, Spike and John all sitting in a circle laughing with each other, except for John who still had one missing mouth.

'Not feeling talkative, I see.' Israel thought to himself.

"Hey, lookie, it's Fluttershy's admirer!" Pinkie shouted, making Fluttershy blush.

"W-what?" Fluttershy asks timidly and quiet.

'DAMNIT PINKIE!!!' Israel shouted in his mind.

"Come on over and take a seat, big guy." Rainbow Dash says, patting on the cushions next to her. Israel shrugged and took his seat between John and Rainbow Dash.

"Okay, now that everypony is here, first we'd all like to talk to you boys about something." Twilight says. "Since you guys are here, we'd like to know more about how you two grew up when you were both kids." The boys looked at each other, but then got called by Starlight.

"However, you two have to "Pinkie Promise" not to argue until AFTER you told your stories. Can you do that?" She asked.

John just nervously nodded, while Israel just shrugged and nodded once.

"Hmm, doesn't look like the big guy is fully aware of the "Pinkie Promise." Rainbow says.

'I HAVE A NAME DAMMIT!!!' Israel shouted in his mind. He facepalmed himself and gave a casual nod. With that, Starlight's horn began to glow, making both of the guy's mouths come back.

"Now say it, if you please." Starlight says.

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." John says.

"Um...cross my heart...hope to fly...stick a cupcake in my eye...OUCH!!!" Israel says, following John's movements until he hits his eye. "Great, this just had to happen."

"We don't got a choice now, bud." John replies.

"Yeah, no kidding."

"Wow, I can't believe it worked!" Pinkie says with a beaming smile, making Israel back up a bit.

"Okay that's cute, but creepy." He says.

"Alright, now why don't you start off with your life story, John? Then we can go to your friend." Twilight suggested.

"WHY DON'T YOU CALL OUT MY REAL NAAAAAAAME?!?!?!" Israel shouted in frustration, making the others giggle.

"I'll let them know afterwards, hang tough, bud." John says.