Free Pussy

"Ouch!" Marcus rubbed the fresh mark on his head, which had luckily came from a paw with sheathed claws. "What the hell was that for?!"

"Oh, I dunno, maybe the utter shitshow you turned that opportunity into?" Selena growled, pacing around Marcus in circles. She'd been silent until the pair of them had gotten home, and not a second after shutting the door had she launched into her assault, both verbal and physical. It was surprising how much damage such a little creature could do. "Honestly, that was the golden ticket, too. She wanted to take your damn shirt off right then and there! That was your opportunity to further things a little, give her a glimpse of your body simply as a result of happenstance, and what did you do? Started becoming all sweaty and gross and ran away! You fucked it up! You went off road, hit a big old fucking tree, airbag deployed, boom!" Selena poked him in the belly with her paw, punctuating her damning onomatopoeia.

Marcus grumbled as he continued to rub the sore spot on his head. He unwittingly backed up, looking to gain some distance between himself and his feline assailant, not that it worked. "You told me mares didn't like thick body hair! When she talked about taking my shirt off, I got worried!"

Selena paused then, pressing a paw to her forehead and beginning to rub her eyes. "No... no. Silly Marcus." Her face became very serious all of a sudden, eyes narrowing and freezing him in place. "All non-essential preparatory tactics go out of the window the second you're put in a situation like that. I don't care if you're like a hibernating bear under that shirt, as long as you've showered recently, you have no excuse but to go all in! The pointers I give can only prepare you so much for a situation, the thing you have to rely on above anything else is confidence. If Rarity says she wants to look you over, you should be taking that damn shirt off straight away. Got it?!"

Marcus managed not to shy away this time. He was a little too curious for it. He tilted his head at Selena, who seemed awfully annoyed at him, perhaps rightfully so. But something about that had him wondering... "Why are you so upset? It's my chance I messed up, not yours. You can still go play with that other cat, no problem."

Selena opened her mouth straight away, looking ready to bite his head off, then seemed to think better of it. She paused, clearing her throat. "I spent a long time in there today dealing with that monster of a cat so I could set you up with Rarity? You know why? Because I like you, I think you deserve to have a good time. For me to do all of that, and then you to screw it up? For me to find out I sat through hours of listening to that thing yowl non-stop just for you to come in and ruin everything at the last second? Yeah, I'm pretty pissed!"

That hit Marcus pretty heavily. All of a sudden, he felt a little guilty. "You were really there just to set me up with Rarity?"

"Why do you think I told you to get the collar, silly? I don't really need one, I know my way all around this town." After a few moments and a deep breath, Selena's tone lost its bite. "I shouldn't be shouting so much. You're still new to this. Like, really new. But you haven't screwed it up completely."

Hearing that was like a breath of relief. Honestly, Rarity was pretty nice for what little he knew of her. That, and she was awfully attractive. Marcus took a seat, taking his hand off of his head and being thankful that he didn't find blood there. "I haven't? You're sure about that?"

"If you're lucky, she'll just assume you forgot about something super important at the last second," Selena answered with a yawn, jumping up onto the sofa next to him. "That, or that you really needed the bathroom."

"Classy." He buried his face in his hands, producing a long sigh. "Why am I so bad at this? I try to take on your advice, get myself ready and prepared before pursuing a mare, and then you thrust me into a situation where I have to talk to one before I've had a chance. I got scared, honestly. I didn't know how to go about it. I was all awkward and stupid."

Selena shook her head at that. She walked over to Marcus, hopping up onto his lap and stretching out as she began to shift down onto him. "You weren't bad until the shirt thing came up. Only reason I even scratched you was because you started being too forward, and I didn't exactly have any other way of saying it to you. Maybe we'll work out a code in future." She rolled over so she was looking up at Marcus as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "In future, you have to realise that there's never going to be an opportune time to talk to a mare. Those times materialise out of thin air, and you've gotta learn to capitalise on them."

"You make it sound so simple," Marcus remarked, still shifting as he tried to get comfortable with his sapient pet setting in his lap. "Just how many mares have you bedded?"

Selena arched an eyebrow, and Marcus realised he didn't want an answer to that question. What she asked, however, wasn't what he was expecting. "Why is my seat moving? I don't like moving seats, they give me vertigo."

Marcus flinched the moment she drew attention to it. "Ah, sorry... just trying to get comfy here."

"Same. You're not making it easy." Selena flicked her tail against his leg. "Scratch my ears. I did good today, I want a reward."

"E-excuse me?"

"What, am I speaking Swahili?" She batted her tail against him again, this time harder, though it barely registered considering how light she was. "I want my ears scratched. Don't be all sheepish about it, either. Really work those babies." When Marcus didn't move for a while, she tsk'd at him rather loudly. "Well? Are you going to keep me waiting all day, or are you going to start sweating like you've ran a marathon, make your excuses, and run out of the room again?"

"N-no, I wasn't even considering that," Marcus lied. "It's just... we've been over this. You're not exactly a normal cat. I feel a little awkward about petting you." And that was the god's honest truth. Marcus couldn't pin down exactly why, but something about it just felt abnormal to him, like it was a thing he shouldn't be doing until he got to know her better.

"Well, no offense, but get used to it. I like my ears scratched, my belly rubbed, and my back stroked. Also, if you ever even think about running your fingers through my fur backwards, I'll claw your jeans to ribbons." The look on her face told Marcus it wasn't an idle threat, but now he had to consider the best way to go about this.

Why was he overthinking it? He was just stroking a fucking cat, for Christ's sake. "Alright, fine. I'm doing it, hold on." After summoning whatever willpower and conviction was apparently necessary for what should have been a ridiculously small task, Marcus brought his hand towards the back of Selena's head and slowly began to rub at it.

"No, not like that. Push down a little more," she instructed, demanding as always. Marcus did as asked, ignoring whatever mental protest was still present, bringing one of her ears betwixt two of his fingers and beginning to slowly slide them back and forth. "Yeah... that's the stuff," she purred, almost lecherously, and in that moment, Marcus realised just why this was so damn strange to him.

He persevered as best he could, but the moment he heard what distinctly sounded like a shuddering breath creeping out of her, he had to snatch his hand away. Also, the stirring in his trousers just couldn't be helped. The fact that her voice sounded just like that of any girl or mare ever didn't exactly help, and while his brain discriminated, his libido didn't. "Sorry, no. I can't do this."

"Ah, what the hell, man? You got me all relaxed for nothing." Selena hopped up in an instant, moving to the other side of the sofa and shooting him a disapproving glare. "You were pretty good at that, too."

"You sounded like you were enjoying it a little too much," Marcus admitted, thankful that the semi he'd so briefly fostered was retreating, and that he had a little space too ensure she didn't feel it. Last thing he needed was for her to see that and get the wrong idea.

"I was relaxed, you silly human! Gosh, you're hopeless." Selena kicked him with her hind leg this time—Marcus was beginning to feel like a living pinata. "Right. So I don't get my pets right now because apparently you're feeling too frigid, did you at least get me my lamb? I didn't see any bags on you when you came by the boutique."

"I actually did manage that," Marcus said, so happy for a change of subject it was unreal. He pointed to the kitchen, where a few tins and multiple pouches were sitting on the counter. "The boutique and the store were in opposite directions, so I made a stop back here to drop everything off. Thought it'd be easier than lugging it all around."

Selena was silent for a moment, as if she was trying to process. "...and you're telling me that you didn't realise I was missing at that point?"

"You're small!" Marcus defended, hands all animated. "I figured you'd just found somewhere stupid to perch yourself and sleep, I dunno."

"You should've looked anyway! Jeez, what a loving and protective owner I have." Okay, she was just giving him shit now, she had to be. The smirk on her face quickly gave her away. "Well, thanks for picking up the lamb." Felt nice to be thanked, most polite he'd heard her since— "at least you're good for something."

"You had to ruin it, didn't you?" Marcus grew very tempted to flick her on the ear there, but he had no idea how much that hurt and refrained if only to prevent himself from becoming the abusive owner. Instead, he needed a subject change. "So, what should I do when I next see Rarity? How can I salvage this?"

"Don't focus on that yet." Selena hopped over to the coffee table, taking a seat where his Celestia's Secret catalogue had until recently sat. "It's no use going out and making more mistakes until you know how to fix your current ones. What did you do wrong earlier?"

He felt as if he was a child when she spoke to him like that. Maybe, in regards to things like this, he kinda was. "I tried to lead the conversation, and I overreacted when she wanted to get me out of my shirt, when I could've just rolled with it." There, he could play along.

"Yeah, sure, overreacted. We'll go with that." Selena was sat on her haunches, licking at one of her paws and occasionally glancing over to Marcus. "Let's go over how you should've handled that situation, because something similar's definitely gonna come up again in future for some reason or another. What should you have done?"

"I should've 'taken my damn shirt off'," came Marcus' rebuttal, figuring the best way to ace the test was to use the teacher's own words.

"Damn straight you should've. Let's test that now. We'll role play the situation, and you'll get over your damn nerves."

Marcus instantly clenched. Was she seriously suggesting he strip in front of her? He tried to stammer out a response, but faltered completely, while Selena began to shoot evils at him.

"Silly! How are you ever going to do this in front of a mare if you can't even manage around your pet! It's your shirt, not your freaking boxer shorts! Do it. Do it do it do it do it do itttt—"

"Alright, fine, I'm doing it!" Marcus answered in a rushed and almost panicked manner, shocked out of his nerves and concern as well as any thoughts as to the absurdity of the situation as he grabbed at the lapel of his shirt and began to tug it off, head almost getting stuck in the process.

"No, no, you look like you've never dressed yourself before." Selena ran a paw through the air in a lowering motion, and Marcus picked up the cue to put his shirt back on. "Now try it again, but less panicked, hopeless, and special needs. Take your time... you want her to be paying attention to this, but pretending she isn't paying attention. The shirt removal comes in three steps. First, you cross your arms over each reverse side of the bottom."

Marcus fiddled with his shirt until his hands were crossed, looking down at them and failing to see how this made any difference in the slightest. "...like this, right?"

"Perfect," Selena nodded. "That's the easy part. Next is the reveal. Now, no one's expecting you to be a male stripper here. You're lucky, you're in decent shape and have good posture, so you don't have to worry about your belly looking big as you take that shirt off, but it doesn't hurt to tense a little. It's the subtle tense that makes it look as if you're not trying to accentuate your physique whatsoever. Also, you show a lot of bicep when you lift your shirt like that, and biceps are hot." Selena paused, considering her words. "To mares, I mean. Well, I imagine. Anyways, start pulling it up. Slowly."

The awkwardness of the situation had undeniably returned somewhat in Marcus' mind by now, but he was managing to ignore it. Selena was once again dropping a ton of wisdom on him, and he was finding it difficult to keep up with the ins and outs, but he could do the easy part: taking off a shirt.

"Yep, yeeeep, yeah, that's it..." Selena narrowed her eyes, and he wasn't sure whether she was admiring his technique or his abdomen. How someone could be skilled at this was beyond him. "A little slower, you don't want to give away everything in a single moment. This is also why we wear shirts that are a little too tight. It's a good excuse to both show muscle and take your time undressing, but not too much time."

"How in the hell did this ever get so complex?" Marcus asked, feeling as if he'd have an easier time with string theory than trying to figure out the optimum way to take off a shirt. "Am I still doing it right?" He hesitated in his motion, his shirt far enough up that a little of his pectoral region was exposed. He felt slightly self-conscious, and a little odd.

Selena took her time looking over him once more, and Marcus wasn't sure whether or not he liked that fact. "Right... yeah, this is how you do it. Okay, phase three is the most important part, in a sense, because it's been set up by everything else, and it's your big pay-off. When you pull that shirt over your head, after the sweet time you've taken doing the rest, that's when mares feel like they can peek. I mean, it's obvious, you can't see where their eyes are when you've got a shirt blocking your vision, so why wouldn't they? Take your sweet time with it, but not too long, or they might think you've gotten stuck with a t-shirt cone around you."

Marcus did as he was instructed, trying to get the timing right, and instantly wondered if Selena was displaying that exact same behaviour she said was so common in mares, at least for the couple of seconds that he couldn't see her eyes. Were they tracing him?

When he'd finally pulled the top all of the way off, he basked in his moment of victory, a small hint of hubris taking over him for every attempt to beat it down. It was that machismo that existed in all men, but only needed to be brought to the surface, and something about the tiny action had him feeling pretty accomplished right then. The wideness of Selena's eyes helped too.

"So... how did I do?"

"You nailed the fourth part."

That gave Marcus pause, and he tilted his head to the side, wondering what he might have missed. "There was a fourth part?"

"Of course there was, most important of all. Even more important than the part I said was most important, because you can't prepare for it, it has to come naturally." Selena slunk forwards, poking a paw into his chest and all but pushing him onto the sofa. "The confidence. That confidence I saw in you when you'd pulled your shirt all the way off was the sexiest thing about the entire experience, and I could feel how genuine it was." She gave him a wink before turning, walking away with a slight sway of her tail. "Practice that. You get that down more often, mares will flock to you."

Marcus felt almost dumbfounded by that. Had he really looked that self-assured just then? Right as he was about to get to pondering, to self-denial, he saw Selena turn her head out of the corner of his eye, staring at him. Staring at him for a solid ten seconds.

He turned to her, and she unashamedly made one last comment. "I was wrong about the chest hair on you... it kinda suits." She bit her lip, eyes flicking briefly downwards and then back to his face. "I'll give you an A on this assignment, but we're still only getting started. Don't get complacent, though, silly Marcus. We've still gotta hit the next step with Rarity, and we're doing it the moment you're off work tomorrow."