To Ne'er Come Down Again

“Big day, huh?” Spike inquired, straightening his bow tie and glancing up at the man.

“Yup,” Anon tersely responded. Looking himself over for the umpteenth time, ensuring his suit was free from errant wrinkles or any lint, he brushed himself off.

The little dragon tottered over and comfortingly patted his calf, smiling up at his bipedal friend. “Bet you’re nervous.”

Shaking his head, the man keenly stared at his reflection. “Nope.”

Despite his cool demeanor and relaxed response, the reality was that he was anything but nervous. He’d assumed that the months of careful planning and preparation for the occasion would steel him, leavening the event itself as a pleasant and relatively casual affair, though that wasn’t the case. Shortly after arriving at the remote locale for the wedding, his anxiety had started acting up.

Seeing as how Chrysalis wasn’t exactly comfortable using one of the Princesses’ castles for their ceremony, they’d settled on using the ruins of the Sister’s old stronghold. The keep, though a bit worse for wear, still had a solid foundation and walls, not to mention the former throne room was still relatively intact - well, besides the lack of ceiling. While it was an unorthodox location, the ancient citadel had a unique, strangely relaxing aesthetic to it.

Getting the place cleaned up and ensuring the stability of the structure had been the easy part; actually decorating everything had been the real challenge. Supposedly in a dark parody of Cadance’s wedding, his betrothed had insisted on having black and green themes extend beyond her gown - needless to say, sourcing all the material had been a bitch and a half.

Procuring greenery wasn’t difficult at all, since they’d decided on using copious amounts of spanish moss to adorn the throne room, but finding the blacks had been a challenge. In the end, they’d settled on using tapestries with emerald embroidery to hang from the walls, a few ebony vines from the Everfree Forest, and a raven colored aisle runner leading to the hewn onyx altar. Thankfully, after a bit of convincing, he’d compelled his wife to-be’s to include a few traditional red and white roses.

“No turning back now,” Spike remarked, dragging the groom back to the present.

“Yes,” Anon huffed, leering down at his pint-sized companion, “I know.”

Considering the somewhat dilapidated and rundown state of the old castle, several tents had been erected outside the vestiges of the once regal fortress. Most of the temporary structures were for the guests, although a few had more specialized roles - one was for the caterers, several of whom were cooking on site, while two were relegated for the bride and groom.

As if the day wouldn’t have been hectic enough by itself, there were several noteworthy creatures present. Shortly before the event, Chrysalis had demanded the release of both Tirek and Cozy Glow. The Matriarch claimed she required the delinquent duo’s presence to assure her safety at their wedding. The request wasn’t all that shocking, given the Queen’s hallmark paranoia and because they were the only two creatures she’d ever willingly worked alongside, but it did kick off a rather unsettling chain of events.

Much to Anon’s surprise, Twilight had agreed to liberate the centaur and megalomaniacle filly. He couldn’t say what the other Princesses thought of the decision, though their inclusion did not go unnoticed. Not only had Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and a retinue of royal guards arrived for the event, but Thorax and Ember had both shown up with a host of changelings and dragons. All told, there had to be over a hundred creatures in present.

Honestly speaking, he hadn’t expected more than maybe a dozen curious souls to come to the wedding, so having such a large and varied crowd did little to calm his frazzled nerves. Between making sure that the final details were in order, uneasily keeping an eye on the guests, and trying not to have a minor panic attack, he felt exhausted before things had even truly begun.

Stomping over to the wall of his tent, peeking out at the myriad of colorful creatures chatting beneath the main pavilion, he swallowed hard. He had no real reason to be nervous - that was, unless Chrysalis was intending to enact some form of coup, though he doubted she was. She may have been conniving and manipulative to a fault, but there was no possible way she could win against a quartet of alicorns, the Elements of Harmony, and a squadron of what he assumed were elite royal guards.

“What time is it?” he blithely asked, scanning the assembly for the Princesses.

“It’s - uh,” Spike grumbled. “I think it’s almost time? It’s not like I carry a watch or anything.”

With a heavy sigh, Anon pinched his eyes closed. “I’m just ready for this to -”

“What do you mean I can’t see him?!” an unmistakable voice blared, sending a shiver up his spine. “He’s my husband.”

“He’s not your husband yet,” a mare curtly responded.

“Agreed,” a third noted. “It’s bad luck to see your betrothed before the ceremony.”

“To Tartarus with your bizarre pony superstitions. I woke up to him this morning, so don’t you tell me I can’t see my husband!” the Queen barked.

“Golly,” a filly-like voice gasped, “it’s not very nice to force lovers to be separated! I never would have thought the Princesses would be so mean!”

“Just let her see this - what was he called again?” a gravely tone inquired.

“A hyu-man - my hyu-man!” Chrysalis responded.

Scrambling outside, hoping to avert a possible crisis of cataclysmic proportions, Anon abandoned his relative solitude. Given the circumstances, the last thing he needed was for some petty squabble among the royals to devolve into an outright conflict. From the sound of it, things hadn’t gotten too bad - at least, for the time being - and he intended to keep it that way. As the quarrelsome group came into view, his heart leapt into his throat.

Chrysalis stood flanked by her former allies, squared against a trio of Princesses - Celestia, Luna, and Cadance. If things did get out of hand, it would undoubtedly be very messy, destructive, and ruin what was to be one of the most important days of his life. The moment the septet turned towards his sprinting form, a flash of light appeared before him.

“And here’s the man of the hour!” Discord announced, nonchalantly scooping him off his feet and giving him a noogie. “It wouldn’t be a deliciously chaotic party without the sole human involved!”

“Not - Nnngh - now, Discord!” Anon bleated, wriggling from the draconequus’ grasp.

Having the nigh omnipotent chimeric deity appear was just the icing on the cake. He should’ve figured the Lord of Chaos would rear his snaggle-toothed head at some point or another, though he’d had no way of knowing when or under what conditions. Dropping to the ground, totally ignoring the frankensteinian creature, he rushed to his lover’s side.

“Ok,” he gasped, glancing around to all parties involved, “what’s the problem.”

“These ruffians and their infernal guards refuse to give my guests and I any peace!” Chrysalis growled, frowned over at the midnight blue alicorn. “Especially that one!”

“Can you blame us for being cautious?!” Luna snapped. “These three nearly toppled the empire, and yet my sister acquiesced to her request.”

Scowling over at the younger of the two siblings, the Queen bared her fangs. “Please forgive me, it’s not my fault that my two guests may have had a troubled past and questionable reputation!”

“Can we all please calm down,” Anon lamented, stepping between the two groups. Looking to the Princesses, he waved to the delinquent trio. “It’s not like they can really do much right now. They don’t have any McGuffin artifacts, everyone knows they’re evil - no offense,” he apologized, shooting the three an pinched look. “And they’re completely outnumbered and outgunned. Even if they did try any funny business, it’s not like you couldn’t stop them in their tracks.”

“Yeah!” Cozy bleated trotting over and hugging Luna’s foreleg. “It’s not like we’d ruin our friend’s wedding or anything! That would be just awful!”

Balking at the sickeningly sweet show, Luna’s grimace deepened. “Don’t you try that on me, you little-”

“Anon is right, which is precisely why I was willing to oblige Chrysalis. I’m sure they’ll be on their best behavior,” Celestia frustratedly interjected.

“I’m just happy not to be a resting spot for pigeons,” Tirek remarked. Stretching his brawny arms, he filled his lungs and deeply exhaled. “Do you know what it feels like being locked in a cowering position for years?”

“It is nice being out,” the diminutive pegasus added, releasing the Princess and fluttering back to the centaur’s side.

Sauntering over to Celestia, Discord snickered to himself. “And I know you’ll have no problem imprisoning them once the lovely ceremony is concluded. What better way to conclude a wedding than to permanently sentence two ne’er-do-wells to an eternity as unmoving statues.”

“Just who’s side are you on?” Cadance groused. “It’s not like they didn’t step on you once they had the bell.”

“My dear,” the chimera laughed, instantly appearing with his arm around the love Princess’ shoulder, “I’m on the same side I’ve always been on - chaos.”

“Alright,” Anon grunted, “let’s all just chill the hell out for a second. Tirek, Cozy, maybe go get something to eat and mingle a little; it couldn’t hurt for you to show everyone you’re not about to kick off an apocalypse or anything. Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Twilight,” he continued, shifting his focus to the group of alicorns, “thanks again for letting them come. I know you didn’t have to, but I’m sure they appreciate a chance to stretch their legs and see their friend again.”

“It’s no problem whatsoever!” Twilight chirped, having seen herself over to join her regal companions. “I have no doubt they’ll be on their best behavior.”

Relatively content that he’d disrupted the standoff, the man beckoned to his mate. “Can I have a word with you, Honey?”

“Of course, Darling,” the Queen purred, strutting over to her lover. Buck naked, like nearly all of the quadrupeds present, she was apparently waiting for just the right moment to get dressed. Slowing as she approached the man, she turned her head and nodded to her compatriots. “Go and busy yourselves with...something. I shouldn’t be too long.”

With the taboo of seeing the bride before the ceremony well and thoroughly breached, Anon led the Matriarch back to his tent. It wasn’t like chatting with her out in the open was a problem, though a bit of privacy with her would be a welcome departure from the hustle and bustle of the morning. Seeing himself inside his refuge, holding the fabric open for her, he glanced over to Spike.

“Can you give us a sec?” Anon asked. Though he was somewhat surprised that the little dragon hadn’t followed him to see what all the hubbub was about, he couldn’t blame the little guy for steering clear of the commotion.

“Sure, I’ll just go get a snack. You two want anything?” Spike responded, moving towards the exit.

“No, but you could do me a favor. Go and introduce Tirek and Cozy to our little ones. I’m sure they’d appreciate meeting two of their mother’s few f-,” Chrysalis faltered, her lip instinctively curling for a fleeting second, “fond associates.”

Shooting the couple a pair of clawed finger guns, the tiny reptile trotted to the exit. “Don’t have to tell me twice. I figure Ms. Cheerilee and the Cakes could probably use a hand with keeping an eye on all of them anyways.”

Anon smiled and waved, as the runtish dragon made his leave, before turning to face his lover. “So what was so pressing that you needed to make a scene?”

“Those blasted guards won’t give my guests or I any peace! It’s bad enough to have a tetrad of Princesses, the Dragon Lord, and the traitor here to conspire against me, but being trailed by a veritable platoon of armored centurions is a bit too much. A bride shouldn’t have to feel like a closely guarded convict on her blasted wedding day!” she snarled.

Though he sympathized with her displeasure at the precautionary attention, Anon really couldn’t blame the Princesses. In addition to freeing Cozy and Tirek for their former partner’s wedding, Celestia had imbued the centaur with the slightest trace of her magic; while it was only a microscopic fraction of her power, the horned villain had regained his brawny, non-shriveled aesthetic. Though the wizened villain wasn’t powerful enough to take on an alicorn, let alone the mass of other heroes at the event, he was still a potential threat.

“Babe,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her neck, “try not to let it get to you. You three were the biggest threat the world had ever known, remember?”

“That shouldn’t matter!” she hissed, the vitriol only slightly tapering from her voice. “We had the element of surprise, our powers were greatly augmented, and we had a tool of unfathomable might on our side - besides, my guests should be allowed to enjoy themselves as much as anybody else.”

Piquing a brow, Anon reared back and stroked her face. “Can I ask you something?”

“Why would you ask for permission?” she softly rebuked, shying away.

Giving himself a moment to gather his courage, he looked her in the eye. Though she’d said several times that she simply wanted her old teammates there as her guests, he’d been unable to shake the suspicion that there was some ulterior motive behind her request. She rarely did anything without a purpose, even if he wasn’t always sure what the exact purpose was, so he was almost positive that simply having two familiarly sinister faces present wasn’t the sole justification for inviting them.

“Did you really just want to have Tirek and Cozy here as a precaution?” he softly inquired, keeping his tone as low and non-judgemental as possible.

Taking a second step back, she squinted over at him. “Yes, I already explained this to you. Why is this so important now?”

“Because I love you and I need to know - ok? I just want to make this day as special as it can be, for both of us, and I want to make sure nothing goes wrong,” he admitted, his shoulders wilting. Fully aware that he was taking a calculated risk broaching the subject, getting a real answer out of her would help to put his mind at ease.

Rolling her eyes, she lowered her head and waved him over. Only once his face was a hare’s breadth from hers, did she make a sound. “Because I wanted to give the Princesses a hard time, alright?”

Scanning her face for any signs of trickery or deceit, he pursed his lips. “It can’t be that simple.”

“Oh but it is,” she snickered, grinning to herself. “With their - our nefarious deeds a relatively distant memory, I feel sure that those simpering ponies will be a bit reluctant to petrify them after the ceremony - especially if they behave themselves today. Though they may not pose the same threat they once did, I feel like they’ve paid for their transgressions.”

Anon could scarcely believe his ears. She may not have directly said it, but it sure as hell sounded like she felt some sympathy towards them. The pair had probably been the closest thing to friends she’d ever had, so he couldn’t really blame her for pitying them - still, he wanted to test his theory. Biting back a smile, he did his damnedest to maintain a stoic expression.

“So it’s not because you felt bad for your friends and wanted them freed?” he inquired.

Her head shot back, her eyes widened, and her cheeks darkened faintly. “Of course not! Only a fool would ask for something so childish!”

Seeing her response, the corners of his lips turned up. “To be fair, since you were released, you seem to have been enjoying yourself. I don’t see why Tirek and Cozy don’t deserve a second chance.”

“Precisely,” she whispered. “Regardless of whether or not they find love, they should have their freedom. They may lack my charm, wit, and stunning looks, but that hardly warrants them being statues for eternity.”

“Huh,” he grunted, shrewdly rubbing his chin, “that almost sounds like something a friend would say…”

Though Chrysalis angrily glared over at him, her blush deepened. “They are not my friends.”

Unable to help himself, he pressed his philosophical attack. “That really depends on how you define it. What is a friend?”

“Friends are a disease,” she spat, stamping a hoof. “They weaken you and leave you vulnerable.”

“They can, sure, but that’s not all they are. For me, friends are like strands of a rope; the more there are, the stronger they get,” he explained. “Think about it; if you had singled out each of the Elements of Harmony individually, you would have beaten them without much trouble. The only reason you lost is because they work as friends - as a team.”

“Is there a point to this meaningless diatribe?” she scoffed.

“Only that friends aren’t necessarily a weakness. When working together, friends can accomplish more than they ever could by themselves,” he remarked. “Besides, you do have one friend.”

“Nonsense,” she scoffed, looking over to him in disbelief.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m getting married to my best friend today,” he hummed, leaning in and kissing her snout.

Chrysalis stiffened, tensing in place, before abruptly wheeling around and stomping towards the exit. “I’ll not have any more of this foolishness today. If you insist on continuing this wholly absurd and baseless discussion, we can do so well after the ceremony.”

As she made her leave, disappearing out the front of his tent, he quietly snickered to himself. He’d bet his bottom bit that she considered Tirek and Cozy as friends, even if she refused to call it what it actually was. While he hadn’t met the centaur or little pegasus prior to that morning, he couldn’t see why they’d have to spend countless millennia as cold, unfeeling stone. If Chrysalis could be rehabilitated - or as close to rehabilitated as she currently was - maybe there was some hope for her former allies.

He’d make a point to ask Twilight what fate awaited Tirek and Cozy before too long, but that could wait - for the time being, he needed to focus. There was less than an hour left until the ceremony itself and he couldn’t afford to spend his time stewing on things he had little control over. Though he was nervous as hell and only knew a few of their guests in passing, he forced himself to go out and socialize a bit before the ceremony.

The remainder of his morning went by in a relative blur. He wandered through the grounds, chatted with a few of the attendees, and helped himself to some finger food. Truth be told, he wasn’t even aware that it was time for the ceremony until he noticed everyone steadily making their way towards the ancient throne room. Digging into his pocket, letting his fingers grace the small wooden box stashed therein, he set off to take his place.

As he scampered down the side of the great hall, past the throngs of ponies and various creatures arranging themselves into rows, his anxiety came roaring back to the fore. He knew they had a large number of guests, but actually seeing them all arranging themselves for the event was as awe inspiring as it was terrifying. Slipping to the front of the crowd, he slowed to a casual pace and approached the dais.

“Took you long enough,” Spike grumbled, stepping to the man’s side.

“Sorry, I got caught up,” Anon muttered.

Coming to rest between Celestia and his best man/dragon, he made a concerted effort to square his shoulders, stand proud, and not look like he was about to faint. His eyes scanned the sea of colorful quadrupeds and a handful of bipeds, pausing briefly to smile and wave at his offspring in the front row, before the first notes of a haunting tune cut through the air. Standing at the side of the great chamber, atop a small platform, sang a lone kirin.

He’d had his doubts about hiring the songstress, but her haunting melody erased any question of her skill. Unearthly and melodic, accompanied by an organ played by Granny Smith, her song was without any discernible words. Somewhat akin to an opera singer, she held everyone’s rapt attention.

It was at that moment, seeing and hearing everyone fall silent, that the reality of it all really sank in. There he was, in an honest to goodness tuxedo, in front of roughly a hundred magical, talking creatures, on another world entirely, about to get married to a shapeshifting bug-horse who’d nearly toppled an empire thrice. His palms grew sweaty, his vision tunneled, and his heart pounded wildly in his chest - that was, until he saw her.

Emerging proudly from a side entrance at the back of the chamber, a tall, dark, slender figure sauntered into view. Bedecked in greens and blacks, standing head and shoulders over most of the congregation, her size alone wasn’t what stood her apart from the rest - no, the raw confidence and grace she exuded elevated her to another level entirely. Every ounce of her beauty, power, and magnificence was on display, and she knew it.

Cooley walking down the aisle, sorcerously holding a bouquet of bat orchids, and with every pair of eyes present trained on her, Chrysalis bore the slightest of grins. While he honestly didn’t know if she’d had a more genteel moment in her exceptionally long-lived life, he could say he’d never seen her more spectacularly radiant. The noise of the world grew dim, his pulse calmed, and all the stresses and internal turmoil within him bled away.

She meant everything to him - no, more than everything. The Queen - his Queen, as absurd as it may have sounded, was the love of his life. Whether or not their meeting had been due to serendipity or blind luck, he’d never know, but there wasn’t a day that passed when he didn’t thank the cosmos for bringing them together. Regardless of what force had ultimately led to them meeting, his gratitude transcended mortal words.

As trotting past him, slowing in the slightest degree, she looked up and down, smirked, then shot him a wink. Even on such a sacred day, she couldn’t help herself from giving him one final little flirt. Turning in place, with her gown flowing around her hooves, she came to rest opposite of her lover. Like himself, with Spike by his right, Tirek and Cozy Glow lingered next to and slightly behind her.

“Mares and gentlecolts, family and friends, creatures of every kind,” Celestia began, her royal Canterlot voice carrying her words through the vast, ceilingless hall, “we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Queen Chrysalis and Anonymous in marriage. They will embark on a journey of love, one which will see them through into the future. May we all bear witness to their matrimony and bless them with good tidings and our well wishes. May I ask for silence, while these two lovers read their vows.”

At the mention of vows, Anon’s heart dropped into his stomach. He’d spent weeks writing vows for this moment, rehearsing them almost religiously in the days leading up to the ceremony, yet his mind went completely and utterly blank. Small tatters and vestiges of the grand, emotional promise to his mate remained, although the whole was lost to him. With few other options, praying he wouldn’t fuck it up, he turned to his Queen and extended his hand.

“Chrysalis, I would say that I love you and that I’ll never leave your side, but words don’t do justice for how I feel about you. I never asked to come to this world - hell, I didn’t even know this world existed a few years ago,” he chuckled, evoking a hushed laughter from the crowd, “but I will say this. I would forsake everything I have for you. You may have been a villain to a great many here, but you saved me and breathed new life into my heart.”

A hush fell over the chamber, with only the faint sounds of a few creatures sniffing or reaching for kerchiefs disturbing the air. Even Tirek and Cozy Glow, two evildoers of renown, seemed moved by the partially improvised speech. As for his betrothed, she held his gaze, peered deeply into his eyes, and smiled ever so slightly the more.

“Anon,” Chrysalis announced, her eyes never wavering from his face, “you are a frustrating, strange, and occasionally boorish creature with perilously few redeeming qualities. You snore, you insist on ensuring our children won’t become evil, and you never put enough cheese in the lasagna - still, even with all these faults, I will give myself to you. Why? Because you have never once given up on me. You knew who and what I am before I had even heard of you, yet you stayed by my side. You are, in a very real sense, my salvation.”

She fell silent and drew a quavering breath. The quiet was deafening, even with so many creatures gathered, which made the moment even more surreal. Had it not been for Cadance blowing her nose and wiping a tear, utterly shattering the magic and drawing the Queen’s baleful gaze things would have been perfect.

“And,” the Matriarch continued, affixing the Princess of Love with a piercing stare, “because I’d simply die if a lesser mare tried to run off with you.” With her diatribe concluded, only eventually dragging her eyes off the emotionally moved alicorn, her wolfish grin returned.

Clearing her throat, Celestia glanced from the bride to the groom. “As unorthodox as that was, I must admit, it was quite moving. Now then, the rings?”

“Right,” Anon said to himself, retrieving the little wooden box from his right pocket.

Flipping the lid, revealing a platinum ring inset with ten asscher cut emeralds, he reached for the band. As his shaking fingers plucked the exquisite piece of jewelry free, he fumbled it. Thankfully, the blasted thing landed on the carpet and didn’t roll, although his embarrassment skyrocketed all the same.

“This ring symbolizes my ever-lasting love for you,” he noted, threading the ring over her gnarled horn, “and I’ll be paying for it for at least a few years, so don’t run off before then.”

His joke, a byproduct of his nervousness, eased his tension and elicited a soft chuckle from their onlookers. Strangely enough, Chrysalis didn’t say a word; she simply dipped her head, allowed him to seat the ring on the base of her horn, then straightened up and smiled back at him. Tirek stepped forward, presenting her with a small, ebony box on his massive palm.

“This represents everything I have lost,” she intoned, magically plucking a simple band of obsidian from the tiny chest. “A shard from my old throne and my old life, this ring is a fragment of the greatness that I once held dear,” she whispered, slipping the cold band over his ring finger. “While my throne and former life may never be regained, it will serve as a reminder that you make me complete.”

As the ring settled over his digit, hearing what was possibly the sweetest, most profound thing his lover had ever said about him, Anon’s composure was dealt a crippling blow. Even if the speech was scripted, it left him with butterflies in his stomach. Blinking back tears, smiling like an idiot, it was all he could do not to leap over and kiss her.

“Do you take this mare, to have, hold, and love unconditionally for the rest of your days?” Celestia asked, turning her head to face the man.

“I...I...do,” Anon sputtered, nodding and wiping his face on his sleeve.

Dipping her head, the Princess swung towards the Queen. “And do you take this sta - er - man to have, hold, and love uncon…” she fell silent, watching Chrysalis coolly step across the aisle to her lover. As the couple’s lips met, leading to a very passionate and tear streaked kiss, she flung her wings wide. “I do pronounce you husband and wife!”

In spite of the couple having jumped the gun a bit, none of the onlookers seemed to mind the hasty conclusion. Cheers of adulation and clapping hooves rang through the ancient castle, as the newlyweds blissfully made out on the altar. Though the chamber was a cacophony of noise, the couple scarcely seemed to notice. Embracing, growing more intense by the moment, their only concern was one another.

“Ahem!” Spike coughed, gently elbowing the man’s calf.

Pulling away, understanding that heatedly frenching his bride wasn’t exactly acceptable, Anon pecked her snout and wrapped his arms around her neck. They’d tied the knot and made it official, although their day was far from finished. With the cake, mingling, and opening of gifts, the rest of their day was still fully booked.

“You gonna throw it?” he asked, nodding to the flowers.

Chrysalis apathetically shrugged and tossed the bouquet into the crowd. “I don’t need it, I already found my husband.”

Flinging the flowers into the throng, heedless of whom they struck or where they landed, she extended a foreleg and returned her lover’s hug. This was their time, their moment, and neither was going to put it to an end until they were good and ready - that was, unless someone hadn’t interrupted them. Noticing a movement in the aisle, the couple turned.

“Smile for ze camera!” a funny little mare called, training a tripod-mounted camera at them.

As Anon straightened up and tugged his bride to his side, turning towards the photographer, he smiled broadly and held his wife close - at least that was his intention, until he found himself inexplicably tumbling backwards. Wildly flailing his arms, as the world went topsy-turvy, he found himself pulled into a second passionate kiss. It took him a second to figure out what in the hell was going on and why he wasn’t on the ground, but the steady hum of magic and a porous foreleg around the small of his back left little room for doubt; they’d have a rather nontraditional picture to commemorate their equally odd pairing.

While he was tipped back and held by his bride, several crisp Snaps and flashes let him know the job was done. As Chrysalis righted him, grinning wickedly and more than a little amused with her little stunt, he shook his head and snickered to himself. He couldn’t be mad at her for the playful upset - if anything, he was cheesed that he hadn’t though of such a novel trick himself.

“Can we get one or two standard ones?” he asked.

“If you insist, although I’ll be framing the original one for the living room,” the Queen smugly purred.

As they faced the camera, with his arm around her shoulder, Anon was granted his wish. Not only did he get a few photos of them standing side by side, but the camera mare had assured him that she’d taken several pictures of their impassioned kiss after saying their vows. Thanking her profusely, while she trotted off with her equipment, he questioningly glanced over at his lover.

“Shall we go and cut the cake? Given how the little ones were eyeing the colossal pastry, I’m sure they’re more than ready to sate their sweet-teeth,” she remarked, leading the way to the main party tent.

Keeping pace at her side, Anon slowly shook his head. “Right. It has nothing to do with the fact that you don’t want to get your fangs into it.”

Chrysalis slowed slightly and craned her neck towards him. “And we have a veritable treasure trove of gifts to dig through.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, waving to several customers he regularly saw at the bowling alley, “it’s going to be a busy afternoon.”

“Indeed,” she hummed. “Though at least you’ll be able to go home and sleep beside your wife once we’re through.”

While the comment was commonsensical, it made Anon’s smile broaden all the same. As they pressed into the throng, greeting and idly chatting with various ponies and creatures, they steadily moved towards the dining area and the monumental cake that Pinkie had baked for them. It was a slow and hectic scene, especially due to Chrysalis’ catty temperament, but they somehow managed to avoid overtly offending or angering any of their guests.

The entire afternoon felt like a war of attrition. Between eating, ceaseless chatting, dancing, and getting more requests for photos than he could count, both he and his bride were well and thoroughly worn out by sunset. It was only after all the company started filing out, heading home for the evening, did he realize how exhausted he was.

“Dear,” Chrysalis huffed, causing him to lift his head, “I believe you may be needed.”

Anon grunted in confusion and looked around, ultimately noticing the pair of alicorns lingering to his left. Between the massive influx of carbs, two flutes of champagne, and all the excitement from earlier, he’d nodded off at one of the many dining tables. “Sorry,” he croaked, pushing himself up. “Thank you both for coming and giving your blessing. I know it probably doesn’t sound like much, but we both appreciate it,” he wearily noted, stifling a yawn.

“It was our honor. Thank you for inviting us,” Celestia demurely hummed, dipping her head in gratitude. “If there’s anything we can do for you, feel free to -”

“As a matter of fact,” Chrysalis casually interrupted, “there is something you can do for us - all of us.”

“And what, pray tell, would that be?” Luna countered, incredulously raising a brow.

“Allow my husband and I to, shall we say, acclimate Tirek and Cozy back into society,” the Queen flatly stated. A look of pinched concern crossed the Princesses’ faces, though the shapeshifter held up a hoof to silence any potential protest. “Considering Spike will be even busier than he already is, once Twilight takes the crown, we will be needing a sitter.”

“You want us to leave two of the most dangerous and cunning creatures in Equestria free, just so you can have a foal sitter?” Luna scoffed.

Though Celestia wasn’t as vocal about opposing, she steadily shook her head. “That does sound a bit…” she trailed off, choosing her words carefully, “unnecessary. Leaving them without constant guard would be a massive liability.”

“And if I were to place the accountability for them on myself and my husband?” Chrysalis responded.

“Wait, what?” Anon blurted, shooting to his feet. “I don’t know if this is-”

“Trust me,” his mate hissed, locking eyes with him. “Cozy Glow is a peerless tactician and I have no doubt that she would hone our children’s minds to a razor’s edge. Tirek, though a bit uncultured, is one of the oldest living creatures on the planet, and he would keep our young’s bodies well trained. Between the two of them, we’d have the best teachers in Equestria on our hooves and hands.”

“And I presume you’d be offering them room and board?” Luna pressed.

“Goodness no,” Chrysalis laughed. “They would need part time employment in Ponyville. Given the town’s reputation for accepting all sorts of questionable rabble, I’m sure they could find work doing something. Hobbled as they are, with anyone and everyone knowing what they’re capable of, I highly doubt they’d have any success with villainy anytime soon,” she mused. “That is, unless you would rather them suffer an eternity of maddening, unfeeling silence instead.”

“I will consult with my fellow Princesses on the matter,” Celestia murmured. “I told Tirek and Cozy they would be granted a week’s leave for the occasion, so there is some time to spare.”

“Indeed,” Chrysalis darkly chuckled. “Give them a lovely reminder of all the pleasantries they’ve missed while imprisoned. The warm sun on their kin, the taste of a fine meal, the sensation of laying down at night to -”

“That is quite enough!” Luna barked, cutting off the guilt trip. “I can’t say what my sister’s thoughts are on this matter, but I do not approve,” she growled. Stepping forward and jamming a hoof to the Matriarch’s chest, she locked eyes with the former villain. “On the remarkably slim chance that your little scheme comes to fruition, I will hold you-,” she paused, swinging her gaze to the human, ”both of you responsible for any damage they may inflict.”

The Queen sternly nodded, before glancing over at a commotion to her side. “Speak of the devils. Tirek, Cozy, I trust our little ones haven’t been giving you too much trouble?”

As Anon turned, a quartet of relatively small bodies tackled him. “You kids have fun?”

“Heck yeah, even if Tirek wouldn’t let us roughhouse,” Delta bleated, hugging his father’s leg.

“And Cozy said she wants to teach us chess and - um - what was the other one?” Mauve softly asked, looking over to the diminutive pegasus.

“It’s called go and it’s way better than chess - at least, I think it is,” Cozy proudly exclaimed.

“Well I do hope you enjoy their company while you can. Princess Luna and Princess Celestia will be returning them to their petrified state before long,” Chrysalis lamented. Reaching down, affectionately patting two of the youngsters’ heads, a heartbroken expression crossed her face. “It’s that just awful?”

At the drop of a hat, all ten little faces turned to the pair of Princesses. Dirty pool or not, the added emotional baggage of dispiriting a decade of foals was a dastardly effective tactic and one which even two ancient alicorn’s weren’t immune to. As the elder sister lowered herself, crouching down to the ground, she smiled at the small hoard of changelings.

“I may not. If Tirek and Cozy are on their best behavior and don’t go starting trouble, I might just let them stay around,” she affectionately corrected.

“If that’s all, we could help!” Jade chirped, eliciting a series of nods and agreeing remarks from her siblings. “Since you let Mom free, she’s only terrorized a few ponies!”

“Quite,” Luna grumbled, wrinkling her snout. “Well then, before we get subjected to any more emotional blackmail, I believe we’ll take our leave. Farewell, for now…”

With that, the young diarch disappeared in a flash of light. After getting to her hooves and waving goodbye to the mass of young shapeshifters, Celestia followed suit. Left to their relative lonesome, with their young and Chrysalis’ guests gathered around them, the newlyweds turned their attention to the centaur and pegasus.

“You guys got somewhere to crash tonight?” Anon asked.

“Our chaperones have us in the Ponyville motel, unfortunately, but it’s better than nothing,” Tirek groused.

Xanthous trotted over and tugged her father’s pant leg, causing him to look down. “Can they have breakfast with us tomorrow?”

“I mean, I don’t see why not,” the man responded, giving a noncommittal shrug. He wouldn’t mind having some company in the morning, although he currently wanted nothing more than to shower and curl up in the peace and relative solitude of his home.

“Sounds great! I’d love to have apple fritters!” Cozy exclaimed, hungrily licking her lips.

Though the thought of making the labor-intensive dish pained him, Anon held his weary smile. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Now now, let’s all head home and let your dear father get some rest. He’s had quite the big day,” Chrysalis softly tutted. Waving for the foals to gather around her, while she turned away from the table, she glanced over at her husband. “Coming?”

“Alright, I guess I’ll see you two in the morning,” the man announced, dipping his head at the duo of ne'er-do-wells. “If the guards want to come, they’re gonna have to bring their own breakfast,” he hastily added. Cooking for two guests would be a pain, but cooking for a squadron of sentries was not on his to-do list.

As the happy not-so-little family made their leave, allowing the cleaning crew to come in and dismantle the tents, Anon rubbed his eyes. His feet were sore, he was indebted for all the service and rentals they’d obtained, and tired didn’t even begin to describe how exhausted he felt, yet it had all been worth it. Tonight was the first night he’d be able to curl up with his wife, and he felt certain that everything would only get better from that moment forward...