To Ne'er Come Down Again

“Must you?” Chrysalis groaned, peering at the man from over her sunglasses.

Holding a camera aloft, looming over his supine wife, Anon did his best to take a photo of the two of them. He smiled, depressing the tiny button and causing the shutter to snap. “Yes I must. It’s the first time I’ve ever been to Hippogriffia, so don’t blame me for wanting to take pictures - besides, I’m sure the kids will like to see them.”

“Yes, and I’m sure you’ll regale our children with tales of the hot, passionate lovemaking of our honeymoon as well,” she sighed. Reaching out and adjusting the oversized parasol beside herself, she reclined. “Come and relax, it’s only our first day and you’ve had us running around like mad all morning.”

Turning towards her, he lowered himself and set the camera in their basket of supplies. “Yeah, but that’s not my fault. Now that we have everything out of the way, we can finally kick back and enjoy ourselves,” he softly noted, retrieving a bottle of sunscreen.

Admittedly, their day had been off to a busy start. Between the nightlong airship ride, checking into the hotel, unpacking, and getting some breakfast, neither of them were left with much energy to spare - still, they couldn’t arrive at the picturesque island and not make visiting the beach a priority. Realistically, they would have been more than justified for taking a nap, but that could wait. They had the next two weeks to themselves, without any obligations or responsibilities whatsoever, so there’d be plenty of time to recuperate from their journey.

Slathering lotion over his bare chest, shoulders, and arms, Anon gazed out at the gently rolling waves. The temperature was perfect, hot but not oppressively so, with the sun warmly glowing overhead. He’d heard the Hippogriff homeland was beautiful, but the pictures and stories he’d heard hadn’t done it justice. Smiling to himself, his eyes wandered to the only thing present that was more captivating than the glimmering sea.

“What?” Chrysalis huffed.

“Nothing,” he hummed, enjoying the view.

Though she rarely if ever wore anything, his bride had procured a two-piece bikini for their vacation. Shortly before heading off to the beach, once they’d deposited their luggage at the hotel, she’d donned the article and slightly enhanced her features. It wasn’t until she’d strutted out of the restroom, wearing her bathing suit, that he realized why she’d bought the darn thing.

Aligning with her typical preference of hues, the bikini was a lime green shade. It wasn’t the color which surprised him, nor the fact that she’d purchased the article, but the size had seemed a bit odd - that was, until he saw how she’d filled it out. Besides the delicate thong wrapped around her waist and nestled between her buns, the fabric above her groin was positively stuffed with breast meat.

He knew good and god damned well that her accoutrements were a ploy to tempt him, a lure which he’d be hard pressed to ignore, yet knowing that warmed his heart. She’d altered herself for him and him alone, nobody else, and he loved her all the more for it. Shortly before the birth of their brood, she’d discovered his weakness for bosoms; while it was relatively rare for her to indulge that specific interest, since he was more than happy with her in her natural state, having a pair of tits to ogle and play with was fun from time to time.

“Mmmmm, yes, I can see you’re quite taken with the beach,” she snickered, snapping him from his reverie. Coolly extending a foreleg, tugging at her bra, she gave a peek of one dark teat.

His loins stirred, spotting the teasing glimpse of her nipple. Despite having been with her for ages, the depths of her depravity were as unfathomable as they were astonishing. She’d had no need to give herself a pair of knockers shortly after arriving, yet she had; it was a touchingly lewd beginning of their vacation and, if he had to hazard a guess, an auspicious portent for what was in store for him.

Easing himself down beside her, atop the beach towel they’d laid out for themselves, he casually looked around. Given the mid-day hour, and the fact that it was a week day, there were perilously few creatures at the seaside. Besides a pair of senior ponies lazily trotting by the surf, presumably combing for shells or small treasures, they basically had the place to themselves.

Noticing the sun creeping lower, he squirted a bit more lotion onto his hands. If his mate wanted to kick things off on a lustful note, he’d be more than happy to oblige. Twisting towards her, he reached for her abdomen and gently slathered her belly with sunscreen. Though he truthfully wasn’t sure if she could even get sunburnt, there was no harm in being cautious.

Chrysalis lifted her head and affixed him with an incredulous look, while his hands ran over her belly. “That’s cute, really, but you don’t have to act like you’re not warming up my ovaries.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works,” he replied, piquing a brow. “Besides, it’s not like we don’t have our hands and hooves full with the kids.”

“I’m sure we could pawn them off on their dear Aunt Cozy and Uncle Tirek - after all, they seem quite taken with the two,” she snickered.

Anon nodded to himself, immediately wondering how their little ones were doing. One of the trickiest parts about arranging their honeymoon had been finding sitters for their young - not because there weren’t a number of options available, but because Chrysalis had two very specific creatures in mind. After a lengthy discussion with the quartet of pony Princess, a slew of promises, and a number of waivers assuring they’d take liability for any damages and/or attempted acts of sedition, they’d managed to snag Cozy Glow and Tirek for the job. One provision was that Spike attend the provisionally paroled villains, as a fail-safe and because he was in good standing with the growing changelings.

Frankly, he still wasn’t sure how to feel about the recent development; realistically speaking, though, he didn’t have much to worry about. Between raising his kids to do good, them having a growing host of friends, and receiving guidance from some of the best ponies in Equestria, they were shaping up to be tiny, upstanding citizens - that being said, they weren’t above practical jokes or throwing their considerable size and intellect around. If anything, he should be more concerned for the runtish pegasus and centaur than he should have for his brood.

One of the most fascinating things he’d noticed was just how Cozy and Tirek interacted with the foals. Though their personalities and supervisory skills differed greatly, the two actually seemed to be fond of the little changelings. Tirek took a laissez faire approach to watching the brood, more often than not, although he’d reinforced the importance for the siblings to work together and to look out for one another, while Cozy, somewhat unnervingly, had been honing their problem solving skills.

It would have sent most parents into a panic, knowing that a duo of ne'er-do-wells were tending to their offspring, although there was a particular element which had reassured Anon more than anything. Instead of the ex-villains influencing his children, his children were influencing the ex-villains. In a magically unintentional way, the kids had been almost nefariously coaxing the pair towards the light. He’d caught them correcting the centaur and manipulative pegasus a number of times, innocently explaining the joys of camaraderie and how helping others was a good thing. It would have been unbelievable, had it not been for the fact that Cozy and Tirek genuinely seemed to enjoy their time together.

In the grand scheme of things, he wasn’t overly anxious about the little ones or their chaperones. Between Chrysalis’ former teammates, Spike, and almost undoubtedly Twilight keeping an eye on things, everything would be fine. He just had to place his faith in his sitters and the denizens of Ponyville to oversee things while he was on his vacation - especially since it was the first appreciable break he’d had from his family and work in ages.

Feeling his mate shift, Anon lifted his head. Following her gaze, seeing her watching the elderly couple he’d spotted moving closer, he pursed his lips. Considering they were quite a ways from home, and two of the more unmistakable creatures in all of Equestria, he shouldn’t have been surprised that they’d draw some attention. Offering a genial smile, he waved at the two ponies.

“We hate to bother you two, but are you Queen Chrysalis and Anonymous?” the mare asked.

“Who’s asking?” Chrysalis grumbled, frowning up at the two.

“I’m Dulce,” the ancient pony replied, before waving to the somewhat shriveled stallion next to her, “and this is my husband, Marshal. We saw photos of your wedding in the papers a few months back! I have to say, it looked like an absolutely gorgeous ceremony.”

“And let me guess,” the matriarch grouched, clearly displeased with their unexpected company, “you wanted to come and level some sort of reprimand at me for one of my many past misdeeds?”

Rolling his eyes, Anon gently placed a palm to her flank. “Be nice, please...”

In spite of her rather dubious history, it was exceedingly unusual for anyone to openly give his wife grief for the trouble she had caused. More often than not, the worst she’d get is a glower or angry look from someone who disapproved of her liberation. On the one occasion he could remember when someone had directly confronted her, she’d cowed them down with a string of colorful expletives and subtly veiled threats. Hoping the situation would deescalate, a soft chuckle caught his ear.

“Heavens no,” Marshal laughed, wiping his eye. “Why would we want to do that? We just wanted to come over and congratulate you.”

Chrysalis’ eyes narrowed, staring daggers at the stallion. “Congratulate me for what?”

“You just looked so happy in the article,” Dulce noted. “Never would have thought that we’d run into you here of all places, but we couldn’t help ourselves from coming over and wishing you two the best,” she continued, sidling over and pressing herself to her husband. “I can’t speak for every mare, but my wedding was the happiest day of my life. Can’t say where I’d be if I hadn’t met my special somepony.”

“Don’t let her fool you,” the stallion conspiratorially whispered, shooting the newlyweds a wink. “She’d probably be better off without me.”

“Marshal! For Pete’s sake, I’d probably be slaving away in that diner!” the mare giggled, giving her lover a playful nudge.

After silently watching the exchange, the Matriarch rolled to her side, pushed herself up, and towered over the couple. “You would have me believe that you came over here purely to give us your regards.”

Nonplussed, Dulce cocked her head to the side. “Why wouldn’t we? Everypony deserves to be happy - sure, you may have been through a few rough patches, but you seem to be doing darn well for yourself,” she chirped.

The sheer matter-of-factness of the mare’s statement left the Queen at a loss for words. Though she opened her mouth open and closed twice, possibly attempting to sling some witty comeback or condescending remark, not a sound escaped her. Ultimately, after a moment passed, she shot the man a pinched look.

“Well,” Anon grunted, getting to his feet, “we really do appreciate it. I keep telling her that ponies aren’t out to get her, but she doesn’t like to listen.”

“Says the man who stresses over our young and spoils them absolutely rotten,” Chrysalis petulantly groused, flipping the mane from her face.

“If he’s anything like Marshal, there’ll be no stopping him,” the mare snickered, stepping forward and boldly patting the changeling’s shoulder. “Our daughter is the worst daddy’s girl I’ve ever seen! I got him back though, our son always gives me the first hug when he comes to visit.”

“The females in particular do seem rather fond of him, although I suspect that’s his overly protective nature,” Chrysalis noted, shrewdly rubbing her chin. “Regardless, he’s ruined the lot of them. If it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t have a tough bone in their relatively diminutive bodies.”

While Anon hadn’t expected to find himself casually chatting with a pair of geriatrics, the interaction presented him with a unique opportunity. “If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you two been together?”

Knitting his brow, the stallion thoughtfully looked down at the sand. “Fifty two years, if I’m remembering right.”

“Fifty three years,” Dulce corrected, glancing sidelong at her husband. “I swear, you try to get it wrong sometimes. Anyhow, yes, we’ve been together for quite some time.”

“So what’s your secret? Got any helpful advice for a pair of honeymooners like us?” Anon earnestly inquired.

“That’s a loaded question if ever I heard one,” Marshal mused. “First of all, always listen to your little missus - if you don’t, you can bet your behind that you’ll catch an earful later.”

“Oh he knows,” Chrysalis snickered, casting a cheeky grin up at the man.

“Honestly, there is no real secret to it. If you love and trust each other, you’ll both do just fine,” Dulce stated. “Having said that, it won’t always be rainbows and sunshine. You’ll have your fights, disagree over this or that, and have moments of frustration, but that’s natural. Sticking together through the hard times and being there to rely on one another will make you two closer than you can believe. True love isn’t just about enjoying good times, it’s knowing that you have someone there for you when it feels like the whole world is against you…”

Having expected some chipper and helpful insight, the utterly profound wisdom of the mare’s statement left Anon speechless. Standing there, watching the older couple gaze into one another’s eyes, before sharing a small hug, his chest grew tight. The pair of ponies had something magical between them, something any lovers would be lucky to have, and it was beautiful. Kneeling before them, he brought himself to their eye level.

“Thank you, that means a lot,” he humbly stated.

Extending his hoof, Marshal beamed over at the man. “Shucks, it ain’t nothing! I’m sure you two love birds - er - bugs would have figured it out!”

Dulced nodded, trotting forward and embracing the Queen. “Just remember one little thing,” she murmured, just loudly enough so the duo of husbands could hear. “Give him a hard time every so often - not in a mean way, but just to keep him on his hooves.”

As unbelievable as it was, Chrysalis chuckled. “Oh I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that.”

“And you,” the stallion tutted, gingerly slapping Anon’s thigh, “the best thing you can do is to treat her every now and again. I ain’t saying wine and dine her all the time, but little shows of kindness should keep her around.”

Anon nodded and shook the elderly bronco’s hoof. “I’m pretty sure I can manage that.”

“Well then, seein’ as how we butted into your day, I think we’ll head out. I know the Missus here will get cranky if she doesn’t get a nap before bingo!” Marshal laughed, stepping back and elbowing his wife.

Scrunching her snout, the wizened mare released the Matriarch and moved to her husband’s side. “He’s absolutely full of it. The old coot will be dozing off at the table if he doesn’t get a nap.”

“Thanks again!” the man exclaimed, watching the two slowly depart and totter away. “Good luck at your bingo game.”

The elderly couple made it some dozen paces away, before Chrysalis reacted in the slightest. Falteringly lifting one hoof, smiling perhaps a bit too broadly, she gave a small wave. “Take care.”

Anon grinned to himself, warmed by the unexpectedly heartfelt exchange; sadly, the moment took a bittersweet turn. The thoughts of himself growing old alongside his lover were fleeting, as he glanced over at his Queen. Unlike himself, the ravages of age would affect her at a markedly slower rate - if they affected her at all. Determined not to let the sobering thought ruin the remainder of their day, he stepped to his wife and ran his fingers through her gossamer mane.

“If you don’t get me a very distinguished walker, when I’m old and falling apart, I’m going to be very disappointed,” he laughed, attempting to make light of the situation.

His attempts at levity were wholly unappreciated - if anything, they immediately wrenched the situation into tumultuous waters. The wistful expression on Chrysalis’ face fled, replaced by one of melancholy. She stiffened, turned her back to him, and trotted away, slipping from his outstretched hand. Cursing under his breath, immediately realizing he’d fucked up, he trotted after her.

“It was just a joke,” he chuckled, trying desperately not to let a wounded tone enter his voice.

“Of all the things you could have said, you chose that,” she hissed, wheeling around to face him. “Yes, of course, let’s take a jab at the one thing that haunts me - the one thing I…” she trailed off, her doleful eyes meeting his.

“Babe,” he sighed, sinking to his knees, “you know I’m not going anywhere for a long, long time - well, unless I get run over by a train or something.”

“Long is relative,” she muttered, so softly that she may not have said it at all.

Anon’s thoughts raced, hopelessly trying to find something - anything to save himself. He would have told her that there may be some spell or magical elixir which could extend his life, allowing him to prolong his time with her, but that would have been a lie. He’d even gone so far as to research the subject, after the topic of his mortality had reared its ugly head, yet his efforts had been fruitless. Having spoken with the most powerful sorcerers and alchemists at his disposal, including a brief correspondence with Star Swirl the Bearded, the truth had been laid bare - as far as he could tell, the task was insurmountable.

“You know what it means though, right?” he asked, tenderly stroking her chin.

Her gaze flicked to the side, sparkling in the warm light. “What…”

Shooting forward, wrapping his arms around her neck, he pressed his cheek to hers. “It means that every moment I have with you will be worth an entire lifetime…”

Holding her tightly, with nothing left to say, he hesitantly retreated. Blurry and unfocused, her eyes remained on the sea. The growing fear that he’d marred their honeymoon was inescapable - to make matters worse, he wasn’t sure what, if anything, he could say or do to make things right. As he kissed her cheek, silently praying she’d say something, he got his wish.

“I could always go with you,” she breathed, peering out to the vast nothingness, “when that time does come…”

Anon flinched, shocked that she’d even consider such a thing. Gently but firmly cupping her head, turning her to face him, his cheerless smile broke. “Don’t say that, please...That’s not funny…”

The two sat mute and, like a pair of sorrowful statues, stared at one another. Chrysalis was the first to move, stepping forward and draping her head over his shoulder. He couldn’t tell what was worse, the mournful expression she’d had or knowing she wished to hide it from him. Patting her back, doing his best to comfort her, he shook his head.

“If there’s one thing life has taught me,” he whimpered, trying and failing to keep his voice from cracking, “it’s that real magic does exist.” Stroking her neck with his cheek, wetting her fur, he sniffed. “I wound up here and I somehow managed to find you; if those don’t prove anything is possible, nothing does…”

“Promise me you won’t leave,” she softly wept, wrapping one foreleg around him.

Emotionally compromised, he acted on instinct and nodded. “I won’t, I promise.”

Holding one another, taking comfort in the embrace, they rode out the storm. Seconds dragged into minutes, with the surf quietly crashing nearby, until the two reluctantly pulled away. Tear streaked and shivering, their eyes met once again. Without another word passing between them, they leaned in, closed their eyes, and kissed.

“If you don’t,” she stammered, withdrawing and affixing him with a defiant glare, “I’ll...I’ll…”

“You’ll have to come and drag me back,” he whispered, brushing her hair aside and pecking her snout.

The distress bled from her, if only just, as she held his gaze. It may have been his imagination, but he could swear he’d caught a glimpse of something in her eyes. Though it was subtle and gone faster than he could blink, a faint shimmer seemed to flit across her captivating harlequin windows; dismissing it, he lowered his arm and gingerly lifted her hoof.

“Let’s go back to the room,” she softly stated, glancing in the direction of their beach-side hotel.

With everything that had happened, Anon couldn’t bring himself to refuse her request - hell, after the trip, getting everything into their room, and the unfortunate roller-coaster he’d set them off on, he was exceptionally worn out himself. Getting to his feet, staving off a wave of vertigo, he rested a hand on her for support. With any luck, a nap would help them clear their heads, give them a bit of energy, and let them continue their trip with a clean slate.

After wearily gathering up what few things they’d brought to the sandy shore, the pair trudged back to the hotel; mercifully, their hike was a short one. It wasn’t until he nearly fell, accidentally taking a misstep in the entryway of the building, that he realized exactly how tired he was. It was like the crippling exhaustion of several sleepless nights had suddenly settled over him, making it difficult to move and damn near impossible to think clearly.

Dully looking to his mate, as they rode the elevator to their floor, he noticed Chrysalis didn’t seem to be fairing much better than himself. Heavy bags sat under her eyes, her gate had been unsteady, and she hadn’t made a peep since they’d left the shore. Chalking it up to their rather miserable morning, he took solace in the fact that getting some rest would do them both some good.

By the time they’d let themselves into their room, deposited their supplies, and shuffled to the bed, the couple moved in a zombie-like state. Stripping from his shorts, perfectly content to sleep in the buff, Anon collapsed face first onto the bed. His bride wasn’t far behind, foregoing disrobing and falteringly crawling onto the mattress beside him. Wrestling the thin sheet over themselves, their bodies pressed together.

With his chest against her back, and one arm draped over her torso, he snuggled up against his lover. Sleeping with one another was a luxury they’d taken to shortly after crossing paths - that is, besides satisfying each other’s carnal needs. Their hearts beating as one, a drumbeat of security and immeasurable comfort, they drifted off with their bodies entwined. Anon couldn’t speak for his betrothed, but he was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He couldn’t say how long he slept, although he awoke with a start. Heaving air into his chest, tensing and gripping the blankets, his eyes flew open in a panic. He would have shot up in confusion, had it not been for one thing; quietly inspecting him, with her forelegs over his shoulders, his lover frowned.

“Nightmare?” she quietly asked, frowning slightly.

Nodding, he reached up and rubbed his eyes. “Yeah…”

He had, in fact, been suffering through a particularly bad dream, although he couldn’t quite remember the specifics. Whether or not she’d noticed and ended up waking him up, or if he’d unintentionally disturbed her sleep, he couldn’t say - either way, he was thankful it was over. Flashes and images were all that remained of whatever terrors had haunted him, yet one memory cut through with crystal clarity.

Tumbling through some endless void, he’d plummeted to his doom. He’d had similar dreams in the past, on rare occasions, and they were always unpleasant. It wasn’t uncommon for him to wake up in a cold sweat, usually when the plunge came to an abrupt stop, but this time was different - this time, he’d been saved.

Chrysalis had called to him, shouting his name like a beacon of hope. Twisting towards her voice, he’d spotted her soaring form. Knowing she was with him had been an immeasurable relief, yet there was something peculiar about her. As she’d approached him, rocketing through the air, he noticed a strange glow about her; the closer she got, the brighter the aura around her became, until it was blinding.

He couldn’t rightly say what had happened, but he knew she’d rescued him. Smiling weakly at her, he closed his eyes and pressed his face to her chest. “What time is it?”

“Nearly eight,” she grumbled, sounding none too pleased with their extended nap.

“At least we can get some dinner,” he replied, kissing her neck.

Pecking his crown, Chrysalis gently wriggled from his grip. “I think you mean breakfast…”

“I…” he fell silent, noticing the lighting in the room.

Twisting to the side and peering out the sliding door leading to the veranda, he shook his head in disbelief. The sun was well over the horizon, casting the rays of dawn through the glass panes into their room. In utter disbelief, he pushed himself up on one arm and glanced to the bedside clock. As his mate had said, it was eight o’clock - eight o’clock in the morning.

“Must’ve been more tired than I thought,” he grunted. Heaving his legs over the side of the mattress, he stood and stretched his arms. “You sleep alright?”

“Like the dead,” she evenly responded, mirroring his movements and hopping to the floor. “Would you like to sample the establishment’s continental breakfast?”

Anon shrugged, skulking to the bathroom. “After we wash up, sure,” he remarked, feeling grimly from the bizarrely long slumber. “Care to join me?”

“Why even ask,” she hummed, trotting up next to him.

After their shower, which astonishingly went without anything more lustful than some light groping, Anon got dressed and the pair saw themselves downstairs for a light meal. The man couldn’t speak for his shapeshifting wife, but he was famished. Heaping his plate with a bagel, fried egg, and several pieces of cheese, he seated himself at one of the small tables in the dining area. Chrysalis followed suit, although she’d only helped herself to a single croissant.

“Not hungry?” he asked. It was strange of her not to go after a sweet, especially since they hadn’t eaten in nearly a full day - moreover, she hadn’t feasted on him since the day before.

“Not particularly,” she noted, disinterestedly taking a bite from her flaky pastry. Swallowing her mouthful, watching the man construct a crude sandwich for himself, she raised a brow. “Would you like to get the musts out of the way this morning?”

Holding up a finger, while he sank his teeth into the egg and cheese bagel, he gave himself a moment. “Yeah,” he awkwardly answered around his food, “we can.”

The only self-imposed obligation they’d made for themselves was to pick up souvenirs for their young, Tirek, Cozy, and Spike. They’d promised the kids each a knickknack, but getting the trio of sitters something for their efforts, besides a gratuity of bits, felt like a nice thing to do. There were a number of shops in the area to choose from, giving them plenty of options.

With their single agenda item set, the couple finished their meal and headed out for the day. While Anon hadn’t mentioned it, he couldn’t shake how strange the night had been. He hadn’t slept that hard and for that long since he’d been a kid, leaving him puzzled. Between the death-like slumber, the nightmare, and his lover’s odd behavior, his unease steadily increased.

“What about this?” Chrysalis asked, shaking him from his thoughts. Holding up a hat, with a crude depiction of a crustacean and the words ‘I’m not Crabby’, she displayed the potential gift to her husband.

“Yeah, that’ll work,” he sighed.

Squinting at him, she lowered the cap. “Are you alright?”

“Sorry,” he admitted, holding up his hands, “just a little distracted. Yeah, I think that hat would be great for Tirek.”

Gazing at him for a moment longer, she sat the item on a shelf and trotted over. “Are you sure you’re alright? You’ve been acting off since yesterday.”

“I just feel a little weird, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong,” he admitted, rubbing his neck. “It’s probably just fatigue from the trip, and I’m pretty sure those weird dreams didn’t help much.”

“Ah, yes, the nightmare you had. Would talking about it help?” she inquired.

“I don’t really remember much of it,” he confessed, halfheartedly grin and stroking her cheek, “but I know you saved me at the end.” Looking to her face, seeing her expression shift from one of concern to surprise, his smile faltered. “What?”

“Nothing,” she flatly stated, regaining her composure and turning her attention to a display of painted novelty shells. “Would the little ones like these?”

Anon could have let the matter lie, but his gut told him that something wasn’t right. He’d been around her long enough to know when she was trying to hide something, especially after seeing a reaction like that, so he pressed his luck and took a gamble. Leaning over, he brought his face before hers.

“That didn’t look like a nothing face to me,” he remarked. “And don’t act like I’m the only one acting odd; you haven’t been yourself since yesterday.”

Taking a step back, leaving a small gap between herself and her mate, she peered at his face. “Were you falling in your dream?”

His eyes widened and his mouth opened, though not a sound escaped him. Shaking his head in disbelief, he pinched the bridge of his nose and thought. He’d heard about plenty of weird stuff happening in Equestria, but nothing he’d personally experienced. As far as he could tell, he was the bipedal equivalent to an earth pony, bereft of any sort of magic, but sharing a dream with his paramour felt like more than a coincidence.

“And I caught you…” she continued, reluctantly staring into his eyes.

“Y...yeah,” he infirmly confirmed. “You were glowing too…”

Her silence was telling, as was the waver in her gaze, yet she eventually found her voice. “You called to me, a light in the darkness…”

“Does this sort of thing usually happen with changelings?” he apprehensively laughed, genuinely unsure of how to take the curious development.

“I...I don’t know…” she glanced to the floor.

Utterly baffled by the situation, Anon’s brow creased. Fuck if he knew what was going on, but he’d be damned if he’d have the second day of his honeymoon go to pot. Whatever was happening clearly wasn’t bad - at least, as far as he could tell - so he could worry about it later. Setting his resolve, hellbent to get his vacation get back onto a more romantic track, he knelt beside her.

“I know what this means…” he cryptically noted, shrewdly stroking his chin.

Lowering her face, obviously startled by his words, her incredulous look was absolutely priceless. “What does it mean? Tell me, is this a hyu-man phenomenon?”

Extending his arms and sweetly pressing his palms to her cheeks, he waggled his eyebrows. “It means we’re going to go back to the hotel, you’re going to put on that negligee you got from Rarity, and we’re going to make hot, passionate love until we’re too exhausted to move,” he whispered.

In the end, it seemed like the best course of action. There was nothing he could do about the freaky, tandem dream they’d had, so hitting the gas and taking the wheel was his best bet for getting everything back on course - hell, as far as he was concerned, a lay might prove to be a perfect distraction from all the wild shit that had happened over the last twenty-four hours. Smugly smirking over at her, his fingers danced down her neck.

“Anon,” she purred, lifting her head and flashing her teeth at him, “that has got to be the most pathetic excuse for a distraction I’ve ever seen…” Turning to the side and flipping the mane from her face, she leered back at him with a single, cat-like eye. “If you are going to attempt a deflection of my concerns, with the temptation of post-marital coitus, you’re going to have to try much, much harder than that…”

Her tone and unmistakable haughty air meant one thing and one thing only - the game was afoot. Thinking fast, Anon attempted to hard-shift his brain into a lewd and wholly inappropriate gear. If cheering her up meant plunging into the depths of depravity at her side, so be it; considering they were on their honeymoon and hadn’t even gotten to second base yet, he’d be more than happy to oblige her. Walking his fingers up her foreleg and to her chest, his smile broadened.

“You could open up with subjugating your faithful servant - tying me to the bed and helping yourself to the best seat in the house,” he mused, winking up at her and making a kissy face.

Lifting her chin and closing her eyes, her arrogance was put on full display. “Hmmmph!”

“Or,” he murmured, altering tactics, “I could command my loving Queen to give herself a succulent rack, before I toss her onto the bed and rut her.” The slightest tremor shot through her leg, spurring him to continue. “Would you like that, to have your King utterly dominate you and plow you until you’re a cum leaking, quaking mass of limbs? Breed you so fiercely that your howls will let each and every creature in the hotel know my name…”

Twisting her head at an unnatural angle, with her pupils contracting to razor-thin slits, she glanced down at him. “And my King would undoubtedly insist I lap our juices from his regal staff - after we’re finished, of course…”

“Oh absolutely,” he chuckled, sensing he had her on the ropes, “and I’d even be so humble as to bathe with my faithful broodmare afterwards.” A single bead of saliva crept past her lips, spurring her to lip the errant bead. He had her on the hook, there was no doubt about that, yet he couldn’t help himself from issuing one final blow. “And once we’re finished, we’ll go out for the finest sushi we can find - all while you try to ignore my seed leaking out of your thoroughly bred -”

Stomping past him, her horn blazed with arcane power. “Come,” she growled, sorcorously snatching him by the collar, hauled him to his feet, and all but dragged him along behind herself.

“Only after you have,” he smugly chirped, causing her to slow.

“If you disappoint me, and I pray you won’t, I will bind you and edge you until you’re begging me to so much as breath on your glorious manhood,” she growled, peeking back at him.

Looking away from her, lest she see his barely concealed amusement, he grinned from ear to ear. He’d done it; somehow, despite the lamentable and peculiarly rocky start of their vacation, he’d taken her mind off matters and breathed fire into her. As far as he was concerned, getting laid would just be a fun byproduct of his impulsive scheme!

“Am I going to have to drag my illustrious King all the way back to our room or will properly escort me?” she barked, flicking her tail into his face.

Scrambling to his feet and sauntering up next to her, his raunchy compulsions got the best of him. Rearing his hand back, he roughly and loudly clapped one obsidian ass cheek. She started, barely stifling a squeak, and glared at him. If they were going to plow one another until the police were called, they collapsed from exhaustion, voided the security deposit on their room, or possibly all three, he saw no harm in getting her riled up as much as he could.

“Of course, my Queen…”