Bug Wife

The plan worked just as well as Chrysalis expected it to. The ponies didn't regard her with any suspicion whatsoever. The fools had taken her little tale to heart, and saw her nothing more than a doting wife that was reunited with her husband. They had taken her to the local horsepital for a check-up, but they were as ignorant of the hyoo-man body as she expected.

She would be safe. For now.

Anonymous played the husband quite well. She was surprised that he had gone along with her plan to present herself as his wife, but she wasn’t going to complain. Perhaps hyoo-mans were simply that dull? Maybe his kind simply allowed the females to take the lead? Whatever the case, she wasn’t going to look a gift parasprite in the maw.

As well as the plan had gone, there still had been a hiccup, as happened with even the best laid plans. That hiccup had a name as well. Twilight Sparkle.

“Thank you for coming in today! Are you feeling well? I know this is a lot to process, so if you’re not okay I just want you to know that it’s absolutely fine.”

Chrysalis sat opposite of the alicorn in a far too small chair. She had her legs crossed, and was doing her very best to appear enthused before the purple idiot. Twilight, for her part, sat in her chair like a foal that had just ingested far too much sugar. Three notebooks floated around her, with what must have been fifteen quills. A few of them were already scratching notes on one of the notebooks.

“I’m fine,” Chrysalis replied with a smile. “It is somewhat overwhelming, but having my husband with me is making a world of difference.”

The scratching of quills against paper increased. Chrysalid idly wondered what the princess would do if she just stood up and walked away without a word. She toyed with the thought for a moment, but decided against it. This mare, such as she was, was far more dangerous than she looked. It would be best to humor her so she didn’t begin to suspect that she wasn’t who she said she was.

“I want to thank you again for agreeing to answer a few of my questions,” Twilight said, snatching a notebook and a quill out of the air and holding it in her hooves. “I’m just so fascinated with your culture, your world. I’ve asked Anon about your world as much as I could but I thought I’d get a mare’s perspective on your world, if that’s alright with you.”

Chrysalis raised an eyebrow. While she had grilled Anonymous about his world, the stallion hadn’t given as much as she would have liked. Still, she was fairly confident in her ability to flub her way into victory.

“Please, go ahead. I’ll do my best to answer.”

Twilight cleared her throat, flipping through her notebook. “Well, first question: could you tell me how you and Anon met?”

“How we met?”

“Yes. Anon hadn’t told anypony that he was married. I suspect that it was because he didn’t want to worry any of us. That, and I’m sure he didn’t want to think about what he had left behind.”

The mare looked sad for a moment before she smiled once more. Chrysalis couldn’t help but feel a flash of annoyance. The alicorn really did have a punchable face.

“Anyway, since you’re here now we have an opportunity to learn about human courtship which is just so… exciting on so many levels. So, I’d love to hear how you became husband and wife.”

“Oh course,” Chrysalis said, leaning forward in her chair. “I had just moved to a small town called…” She squinted. “Humanville. A town called Humanville.”

“Humanville, alright,” Twilight murmured, nodding as she wrote.

“While there I decided to search for an ideal mate. Being the most powerful, intelligent, and graceful hyoo-man female I was able to have my pick of any man.”

“Ohhhh, so do human women compete for mates then?”

“Yes. It’s not something we tell the men, but we do compete. Usually it’s bloodless, but one needs to occasionally deal with a rival in a more… permanent manner.”

“You don’t tell the men? Could you expand on that?”

“We won’t bother them with such things,” Chrysalis said with a dismissive wave of the hand. “There are many traditions that only we womenfolk practice. If Anonymous did tell you anything about us I’d recommend you disregard everything he said.”

“You’re own traditions… interesting,” Twilight said, still writing. “Would one of those traditions involve magic?”

Chrysalis froze. “Pardon?”

Twilight looked up from her notebook. “You have magic in you,” she said, pointing at her with a quill. “It’s strange, but it’s definitely magic.”

“And how would you know that?” Chrysalis asked, with a little more force than she intended.

“Oh, forgive me,” Twilight said. “I’m sure Anon hasn’t told you yet; even if he did have the time I’m sure the thought wouldn’t have crossed his mind. As well as being a Princess of Equestria, I’m what’s called an Element of Magic. There are a lot of things that come along with that title, but let’s just say that I’m very well versed in most forms of magic.”

Chrysalis stared straight into the alicorn’s eyes. She did a quick calculation in her head on if she’d be able to blast the mare across the room before she could answer with a counterspell. As loathe as she was to admit it, even with Anonymous feeding her, she wasn’t at a level to take her in a fair fight. Twilight Sparkle had been powerful as a unicorn, but now she was in another league entirely, and Anon hadn’t given her proper love yet.

“Yes, magic.” She cleared her throat. “That actually is one of the traditions, you are correct. We human females are well versed in spellcraft.”

A glint came to her eye, and Chrysalis realized her mistake far too late.

“Well versed in spellcraft you say?”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Sweet Apple Acres was, if nothing else, rightly named. There were apple trees as far as the eye could see. It was a bit too early in the year for the trees to begin fruiting, but Anon had been told once they did a person could smell nothing but apples from here to Canterlot.

He walked up the dirt road that led up to a big, stately home. He had been walking pretty much since he woke up, going from one side of Ponyville to the other, and his feet ached. Since dropping Chrysalis off at Twilight’s, he had gone around with the singular purpose of finding himself a job and, so far, he had been unsuccessful.

Everywhere he went they either didn’t need any help, he was far too big to move around the workplace, or he didn’t have the necessary skill. There had been a greenish unicorn that had wanted him to work at her wife’s candy shop, but the mare had such an unsettling look in her eyes that he had politely turned her down.

He hadn’t tried every business in town yet, but there weren’t many left. If he was forced to, he could try to find work elsewhere, maybe take the train every morning to Canterlot or someplace similar, but that was going to be a last resort. For now, if he could help it, he wanted to stay close to town. He had a feeling that Twilight wouldn’t be thrilled with him traveling willy-nilly, and Chrysalis even less so.

Anon had never been a farmer. He didn’t know a whole lot about it. He might have touched a cow once when he went on a fieldtrip with a bunch of kids in middle school. All that, coupled with his constant string of failures today, made him less than hopeful about his chances here. Still, he figured he may as well try. He did have a wife to take care of now after all.

As he grew closer to the house, he kept an eye out for Applejack. The mare had insisted that he could come around the farm anytime he wanted. He also made sure to keep an eye out for Big Macintosh, her big brother. He had met the giant of a stallion at the townhall meeting. The red earth pony hadn’t said much, but he seemed a decent sort. Coming up to the house, he didn’t find either pony. Instead he found a pony seated on an old rocking chair.

He had never seen such an old mare. She looked absolutely ancient, gaunt and wrinkled, and her mane and tail as white as snow. Her eyes, slightly sunken into her skull, were full of life however, and as he closed the distance between them Anon could feel those eyes burrow into him.

“Mornin’ there, critter,” the mare croaked, reaching over for a cane that had been carefully leaned up against the wall. “You an animal or are ya a thinker?”

“Morning, ma’am,” Anon said. He didn’t quite know what to do with his hands, so he placed them behind his back. “I’m sorry to bother you. I’m Anon the, um, alien.”

The old mare regarded him for a moment or two before she smiled. “Applejack did tell me you were a’ causin’ an uproar in town. What can I do fer ya, young fella?”

“I was wondering if you might need an extra hand around the farm--”

“Hand? What the hay is that?”

Anon lifted a hand and wiggled his fingers. “This. we call them--”

“You sure that ain’t a claw?” the mare interrupted.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Looks like a claw to me.”

“I think claws would have long, sharp nails, ma’am.”

“You ain’t got sharp nails on the end of them grabbers?”

“...I have nails, ma’am, but they don’t get long or sharp. At least I don’t let them get like that.”

The mare squinted at him before nodding. “Alrighty then. Hand. Humph. You aliens got strange names fer things, don’t ya?”

Anon stared at her. She stared back, her chair squeaking as she rocked, her lower jaw working as if she were chewing on something. He cleared his throat.

“Anyway, I was looking for work and thought I’d come here to ask if there was any to be had.”

The mare looked off into the distance, as if milling over his words. “You gotta probe us?”

Anon blinked. “Pardon?”

“You aliens like probin’ folks, dontcha? Stickin’ things up their flanks an’ such. If yer lookin’ for any of that, go down to the Pear’s farm, ‘cause you ain’t sodomizing anypony here, feller.”

Anon’s mouth opened and closed as he attempted to process the mare’s words. It wasn’t really the words themselves that were throwing him for a loop, he had gotten some really weird questions at the town hall meeting, it was how casual and even friendly her tone was. Like she was talking to him about the weather, and not sticking something up her butt. It took some effort, but he was finally able to find his voice once again.

“I’m just looking for work, ma’am. I’m not trying to hurt anyone or do anything wrong.”

“Humph. Anyone. Another one of them fangled alien words.” she leaned forward, eying him up and down. “You ever worked on a farm ‘fore?”

“No I have not.”

“You ever milk a cow? Till a field? Pick apples?”

“No.”

“You ever fixed a post or build somethin’ with them hands of yers?”

“I did take a woodshop class in high school where I made a box.”

The mare hummed, scratching her chin with a hoof. Her eyes narrowed to slits. “If’n you ain’t done any farm work, or bucked a tree, an’ those grabbers o’ yours look soft an’ delicate like, why in Celestia’s name did you come here for work?”

Anon looked down at his hands. “No one else wanted to hire me,” he admitted. “And I have a wife I need to take care of.”

The mare seemed to perk up at that. “Applejack said somethin’ about that as well,” she said, leaning back in her chair. “You sure you gotta work? I figure Princess Twilight could keep you both mighty comfortable.”

“I don’t want to take advantage like that,” Anon replied. “Princess Twilight has already done so much for me. Besides, I don’t like the idea of being a freeloader.”

“Farmin’ is mighty hard work, young fella. You might not like it,” the mare said. “I’ve seen colts bigger an’ tougher ‘an you quit it.”

“I’d still like to try,” Anon told her. “I need to do something, and I got a mouth to feed.”

The mare hummed and hawed. She mumbled to herself, rubbing the side of her face. With a grunt and the popping of bones, she rose out of her chair. Climbing down the front porch, she walked right up to him.

“Golly. You are a mighty big fella,” she said with a whistle, looking up at him. “You ain’t gonna be a no good lazy varment, are ya?”

“I’ll work,” Anon replied.

“Just work? Not work hard, sonny?”

“Your work hard and my work hard are probably a lot different, ma’am.”

The mare laughed. “You’re probably right, partner,” she said, giving his leg a pat. “Tell ya what. I’ll give ya a chance. If’n yer not cut out for the job then I’ll give you some bits and send you on your way with no hard feelings. If’n ya make out to be a decent farmhand I’ll keep ya on full time. How’s that sound?”

Anon smiled. “I’d appreciate it, ma’am.”

“Ya might, ya might not. Just cause yer some fancy alien don’t mean me and my kin won’t work ya,” the mare said, poking his knee. “Cause we’re gonna work ya.”

She turned to walk away, but stopped, looking back up at him. “Get your keister here ‘fore sun up tomorrow. Mac an’ Applejack will have work for ya. An’ don’t be callin’ me ma’am no more. Makes me feel even older ‘an I am. I’m Granny; Granny Smith.”

She offered him a hoof. Feeling more relieved than he had since he woke up this morning, Anon took it.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“So, your females produce pheromones to get your males to listen to you?”

“Of course. Pheromones we use to entice and attract. Only the truly skilled are able to tailor-make the proper scent for one’s mate.”

“Oh! Fascinating! Is that difficult?”

“Far more difficult than it should be, but I am very good at what I do.”

“And just how are you able to do that if you don’t mind me--”

It had only been a few hours, but for Chrysalis it felt like days. The moronic purple princess had not ceased her barrage of questions. The queen had weathered them like only a master of deception could, but she was beginning to tire of this pest. She was nursing a headache, and had forgone all attempts at acting anything other than annoyed. Twilight Sparkle, the buffoon that she was, didn’t seem to notice her displeasure, yammering away happily.

During the questioning, the alicorn had also moved closer to her, which vexed the queen even more. The princess, as the questioning had progressed, had also began sneaking glances at her chest, and each time she did so the curious excitement mixed with desire. She was staring at her breasts now, and Chrysalis could just make out the faintest blush against her purple fur.

“Chryssi… Would you be alright if I asked you a few questions about your teats? Maybe… let me examine them? For scientific reasons of course.”

Thankfully, before Chrysalis could begin to compose an answer to that, she heard a door open. Both her and Sparkle looked over as Anonymous poked his head inside.

“Hello. I’m back,” he said. “Everything going alright?”

Never before had Chrysalis been happier to see someone. She practically leapt out of her chair and raced toward him. The hyoo-man was barely able to step into the room before she hugged him. The queen threw all caution and dignity to the wind, looking up at him with desperate eyes.

“Help me,” she whispered.

Anon snorted, looking over at Twilight Sparkle. “Twi, do you mind if I take the missus back home for the day? We’ll be around town tomorrow if you want to ask any more questions.”

Dismay filled the room as the alicorn looked back at him, so much that Chrysalis was sure that she’d say no. Thankfully, blessedly, she nodded.

“Of course,” she said, managing to keep the disappointment from her voice. “I’ve kept you here long enough, Chryssi. Probably a little too long for your liking.”

Chrysalis let out the best giggle she could manage. “It’s no trouble at all, your highness,” she said, trying hard not to grit her teeth. “I’ve enjoyed our talk. I’d love to continue it another day if you have the time.”

Twilight smiled. “I’d like that,” she said. “Anon, thank you for letting me borrow your wife for the day. She was wonderful.”

“I’m well aware,” Anon said, giving Chrysalis a wink. “I’m tired and hungry, and I think I’m gonna order the wife and me a pizza when we get home.”

“I’ll order it. It’s the least I can do.”

“You don’t need to, Twi. I--”

“No. I insist,” Twilight said, raising a hoof. “I’ll have a few pizzas sent to your house. I won’t take no for an answer either.”

Anon smiled, and Chrysalis could feel the affection the hyoo-man held for the pathetic pony. She was about to pinch him, when he reached down and scooped her up in his arms.

“Thank you very much, Twilight. Goodnight. I didn’t see Spike when I came in, so tell him goodnight for me too.”

“He’s probably at the comic shop with Starlight and Trixie,” the alicorn said with a sigh and a roll of her eyes. “I’ll let him know. Goodnight, Anon, Chryssi.”

Making sure that the queen was securely in his arm, Anon turned around and made his way out the door. Chrysalis closed her eyes, drinking the positive emotions coming from the hyoo-man. It did somewhat mend her headache. A nice soak in the tub was what she really needed.

“Sometimes you just gotta tell Twilight no,” Anon said. “If you don't, she can go on and on all night. I’d know. She give you a hard time today?”

“Not a hard time exactly,” Chrysalis said, massaging her temples. “I expected you hours ago, and didn’t wish to leave for fear that you’d be out looking for me.”

She felt his good mood dampen somewhat. Eyes still closed, she reached up to pat his cheek to show that she wasn’t angry with him.

“So, how did your quest go?” she asked.

“Good actually. I managed to land myself a job at Sweet Apple Acres.”

“You wish to be a farm hand?”

Anon shrugged as best as he could. “No one else was hiring. I was told I have a chance to show my stuff. If I’m really bad at it they’ll fire me and I’ll look somewhere else.”

Chrysalis rested her cheek against shoulder. She could smell the slight tang of sweat coupled with his natural scent. She had gotten used to it since sharing a bed with him, and she had to admit that she found his odor pleasant.

“Then you’ll be working and leaving me at the house by myself all day,” she said, pouting.

Anon paused midstep. “If you really would like to go out and find a job I’m not going to stop you,” he replied. “I just… I needed to get one. If you’re really going to be my wife I need to take care of you.”

Chrysalis opened her eyes to see the hyoo-man staring everywhere but at her. She could feel just a touch of embarrassment well up inside of him.

“Take care of me, you say?”

He nodded. “My pap was really old school. Gram stayed at home while he worked. He had some beliefs about men and women and what their professions should be. Again, you can work, you can stay home, you can do whatever you want, but I know I’m gonna work and, if its alright with you, I’d like to take care of you. If you want.”

Chrysalis cocked her head to the side. “Do your females have issues with that sort of belief?”

“Some do,” Anon said, cringing slightly. “I really don’t mean anything by it either. I don’t want to sound controlling or anything like that. It’s just how I was raised.”

Chrysalis pretended to think over his words. She had absolutely no intention of seeking employment amongst the ponies. In fact, she had been rather worried that Anonymous was eventually going to insist that she do so. She was not made to work like some menial drone, she was a queen. She had others do the work.

“I will stay home and maintain the household,” she said with a nod.

She felt relief flood Anonymous. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“I’m very sure,” she replied, with the utmost confidence. “Believe it or not, but we love horses have a similar culture.”

“Really?”

“Oh yes. I can make our house something truly fit for a queen.”

“A queen?” Anon asked with a smile.

Chrysalis leaned up, planting a kiss on his neck, allowing her lips to linger near the tender flesh. “Of course. I’m your queen. Beautiful and powerful and perfect. For you and only you.”

She could feel it as Anonymous’s face turned red. It was very nearly there; the emotion she wished more than anything from this alien. Love.

Even the unfocused, fractured emotion that it was now was delicious. Even Shining Armor’s true love had not been as sweet. It made the hairs that she had so painstakingly placed on her arms stand up.

She was going to have a love greater than any she had ever tasted before very soon. Not only that, she was going to be able to endlessly harvest from him. The empire that she had ruled would seem like a hovel compared to what would come in the coming months. There would be no alicorn, or Element of Harmony, or God of Chaos that would be able to stop her.

Chrysalis let out a pleased giggle, kissing her “husband” on his cheek.