Bug Wife

It was a lovely day in Ponyville. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. The weather was crisp, with the smell of fall thick in the air. Ponies were walking around, talking, laughing and joking. It all made Chrysalis truly wish she was anywhere else.

She would have loved to be back at the house working on the new hive. Just yesterday she had dug out and fortified two levels right under the foundation. Anon had built her a pair of great big garden beds, meaning she had plenty of room for the tons of dirt. She had also found some more magazines pertaining to the habits of hyoo-man women, and they could have had secrets that she would be able to use. Yet here she was, in town, amongst ponies, creatures so useless that their only real use was as food.

Chrysalis had some appointments today, and as much as she would have liked to push them back to another day, preferably a much, much farther date or not at all even, a real queen did not shirk her duties.

It was about time that she had some clothing made for herself, so she would be going to the dramatic white unicorn to have some made to her exacting and high standards. After that she would see about learning the art of cookcraft. Anonymous had attempted to show her some things, but even with her severe lack of knowledge she could tell that the man could barely boil water. If she was going to keep him healthy and safe so that he would continue to feed her, she’d need to learn how to feed him. Finally, she would need to sneak into Princess Twilight’s castle to steal some books. The alicorn was a dullard, but even she would be suspicious if she asked for books that she should in no way be able to read. She had need of information about gardening; if she didn’t at least try to fill her flower beds with plants, ponies and even Anon might begin to ask uncomfortable questions.

For one so skillful as she, this would all be as simple as pie. The only issue might be keeping herself from blasting a pony across town. She had always prided herself on her understanding and patience, but they were very annoying. One could come along and be so insufferable that she wouldn’t be able to help herself.

“Mornin’!”

Chrysalis jumped, torn out of her stupor as a high-pitched voice filled her ears. She looked around, seeing no one, then looked down toward her feet. A group of three foals stared up at her, wide-eyed. One was a yellow earth pony with a bow, another was a white unicorn with big green eyes, and the last was an orange pegasus with undersized wings. They all had their cutiemarks, but they were all so small that it was clear that they had just gotten them. All three were radiating such curiosity that the queen realized, to her dismay, that she wasn’t going to slip into town quietly as she had hoped.

“...Hello,” she replied.

The foals seemed to grow visibly excited at the sound of her voice. The yellow one stomped a hoof, and the pegasus’ wings buzzed. The white one just continued to stare up at her, unblinking.

“Yer Mrs. Mous, ain’tcha?” the yellow one asked.

She squinted, as if carefully examining her, and then she smiled. “Yep, you gotta be! Yer husband works with my brother an’ sister!”

“I--” Chrysalis began.

“We’re the crusaders!” the pegasus said, far too loudly. “Cutiemark discoverer extraordinaires! It’s nice to finally meet you, ma’am! Some ponies in town thought you weren’t actually real.”

“‘Course she’s real, Scoot,” the yellow one said, turning to her friend. “Ponies were talkin’ about her for the last two days.”

“Well, I didn’t see her.”

“You didn’t see her cause you were at school with the rest of us.”

“I know that! I’m just saying that I didn’t see her, so somepony might have been pulling our tails.”

“But I told you too!”

“Yeah, and you could have been joining in.”

“Why do ya gotta be so ornery like that all the time, Scootaloo? Can’t ya just believe ponies when they say things?”

“What? I’m not ornery!”

“Yeah ya are!”

“Am not!”

“Are to!”

“AM NOT!”

“ARE TOO!”

The foals were now butting heads, glaring at each other. Chrysalis could feel that both were annoyed, but neither were really angry at the other. A pity, since if they would have started really fighting she might have been able to slip away.

The queen loudly cleared her throat. The two arguing children stopped their shouting match to look at her. She pushed down her annoyance, smiling at them.

“Is there something I could help you with, fillies?” she asked. “I do have some things that I really must--”

“You’re very pretty, lady,” the white one said. “Almost as pretty as my sister, and you aren’t even a pony!”

“Well, thank you very much, but--”

“Yeah, you aren’t a pony,” the orange one said, before she narrowed her eyes. “Hey, you aren’t gonna abduct us or anything right? I know Mr. Anonymous said he wasn’t going to when there was that meeting in the town hall, but he never said anything about you.”

“She ain’t abducting anythin’, Scoots,” the yellow one said.

The orange one turned toward her. “And how the hay do you know that, Applebloom?”

The earth pony’s face scrunched up. “There ya go bein’ ornery again! Ya know, I’m really--”

Chrysalis could only sigh.

~_~_~_~_~_~

Anon found himself standing near the pig pens yet again. He had squatted down, staring over the top of the fencing, just staring at the pigs. Just like the other day, they were milling around the pen, sleeping, oinking, and just generally being pigs.

Chrysalis’s words rang in his head. These were not talking animals she had said. They didn’t talk, didn’t have jobs, didn’t pay taxes or any of that. Nothing more than dumb animals.

He watched as a hog meandered over to him. It stood just out of reach, loudly sniffing and snorting the air, watching him. Anon looked around, checking that he was, in fact alone, and leaned forward.

“Hey, can you talk?” he whispered.

The pig said nothing. Its gaze went from his face to his hands. He had brought the slop for its dinner yesterday, so it probably thought he was here to do that again.

They were smart enough to know that, right? He swore he read somewhere that pigs were smarter than dogs, and you really didn’t need to be able to talk to know your feeder. The chickens got excited whenever Applejack walked toward them with a bucket, and they were really, really dumb.

Anon looked hard into the hog’s black, beady eyes, searching for any sign of intelligence. As far as he could tell, there was none.

He lifted his hands to show the pig that there was nothing in them. The pig sniffed the air for a little longer before it let out a snort and turned to waddle its way deeper into the pen. Anon watched it leave, his eyes narrowing.

“...You motherfuckers can talk, can’t you?”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~

After listening to the foals argue with each other for what felt like an hour, Chrysalis had finally lost her patience. She stepped over the group and began walking. Unfortunately, they immediately began to follow, the white one, who she learned was named Sweetie Belle, standing close to her right while yellow one--Applebloom-- and the orange one--Scootaloo-- trotted in front of her. Through a turrent of excited chatter, she was told that they would be more than happy to show her around town and make sure she didn’t get lost. She had no need of their help of course, she had this entire town thoroughly surveyed after her defeat in Canterlot, but she wasn’t going to tell them that.

As she was led through town, ponies took notice. Some smiled and waved, but many just stopped what they were doing to stare at her. Chrysalis couldn’t feel any hostility in them, but even so she felt herself tense under their gaze. All it would take was a suspicious unicorn casting a Changeling detection spell and she’d be found out. Then she would be hunted, and very likely find herself as a lawn ornament.

She did her best to smile, waving at any who waved at her. Each time she did that she’d feel a jolt of excitement from the mare or stallion. Very strange…

“Here we are!” Applebloom said, sweeping a hoof toward quite possibly the most ridiculous building in the entire town. “Sugarcube Corner! Just like ya wanted, right Mrs. Mous?”

“Yes. Thank you very much for your help, filly,” she said, reaching down to pat the foal’s head.

She felt jealousy flare up in the other two. To stop an argument from breaking out, Chrysalis quickly patted them as well.

“You all did very well,” she told them. “Now go run and play. I have business to--”

“You don’t want us coming along?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“No,” Chrysalis said without thinking.

The fillies went from happy to heartbroken in the blink of an eye, complete with lip quivering and teas. They huddled close together, their tails tucked between their legs, staring up at her with eyes that seemed to grow twice as big. This might have broken a lesser creature, but Chrysalis could have punted any one of these foals across town with a smile on her face. That being said, crying children might give her even more unwanted attention.

She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. “What I meant to say is that I’d very much enjoy your company for a while longer,” she said.

The tears and sniffles disappeared as quickly as they had come. The foals let out a happy cry, racing toward the bakery’s door. Chrysalis very nearly spun on her heel to walk in the opposite direction, but he forced herself forward.

This annoyance was nothing. She could weather it, as she had weathered so much. It would be remembered, as all the slights and humiliations that these vile creatures had suffered on her had been. When she had an army once more, every abuse would be returned a thousand fold. The thought brightened her mood somewhat as she walked toward the door and pushed it open.

Immediately, the smell of baked goods hit her nose. The sound of chatter and giggling followed right after. It wasn’t quite lunch time, meaning that the shop was relatively empty. Chrysalis could see a gaggle of mares standing near the counter toward the other end of the store. They all seemed to be older and rather well put together from the way they carried themselves. The mare that stood out the most however was the one that stood behind the counter and the one she had specifically come for: Cup Cake, or Mrs. Cake as most knew her.

The earth pony stood with her head tilted upward as if she were a queen in her court. She chatted with the other mares while her watchful gaze swept over her store. When that gaze settled on the foals, they had slowed their gallops to a walking pace when she narrowed her eyes. As Chrysalis stepped into the store that gaze moved to her, and those eyes widened.

Some of the other mares, noticing the reaction, looked over toward the door, which was followed by others until all eyes were on her. Chrysalis didn’t so much as hesitate, walking to the counter with her chin raised high. All chatter amongst the mares ceased as she closed the distance. Even the foals seemed to have enough sense to stay out of her way, moving between two tables to allow her to pass.

“Well good afternoon,” Mrs. Cake said with a warm smile. “It’s wonderful to see you out dear. How have you been adjusting?”

“I’m doing very well, thank you,” Chrysalis said, inclining her head to the mare. “It has been difficult, but I’m taking it day by day.”

The mares around her made sympathetic sounds, nodding their heads. Chrysalis could feel their pity and concern as they looked at her. She bristled at the indignation, but she managed to keep her expression neutral.

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” Mrs. Cake said, shaking her head. “Coming to a whole new world at the drop of a hat… Well, at least you have your husband to help you through this.”

“He has been a great help.”

“Oh, I’m sure. Anonymous seems to be a good stallion. I hear he’s working with the Apple’s?”

“He is. He wished to have employment so that I was taken care of.”

A collection of squeals came out from the mares. They smiled and giggled at each other. Mrs. Cake’s smile widened.

“Good for him. I’m sure if he wanted he could give off the crown.”

“My lazy bones hubby would have,” one of the mares said.

“Mine too. And he’d be in his shed even more than he already is,” another said, sticking her tongue out.

The other mares muttered similar thoughts. As they did so, Mrs. Cake waved over the foals, handing each of them a cookie before waving them toward one of the tables. They practically skipped away, sweets in their mouths.

“Look at us squawking like a bunch of hens,” she said, fanning her face with a hoof. “Was there something I could help you with, dear? Would you like some baked goods?”

Chrysalis cleared her throat. “I was actually wondering if I could receive your aid with a very important matter.”

All of the mares leaned forward. The queen could taste their curiosity on the back of her tongue.

“I would be happy to help you in anyway that I can,” Mrs. Cake said, placing a hoof against her chest. “I’m not the only one either. We might not be humans like you’re used to, but Ponyville really is a lovely town with good mares and stallions, and we look after our own.

Chrysalis placed her hands on the counter, leaning forward for dramatic effect. Mrs. Cake and the other mares ate the theater up, leaning so close that some of their muzzles were nearly touching her.

“I don’t know how exactly I got here, but the means of transport did something to me,” Chrysalis said, making a face. “I believe it took memories, even skills. One of which is very important for a married woman such as myself.”

A gasp went out amongst the crowd.

“You forgot how to have sex?” one of the mare’s asked, clearly horrified.

The other mares looked at her with scrunched up faces. One closest to her gave her a light smack on the back of the head.

“There are foals here, Cream Heart.”

“What? I was just asking…”

“Thankfully I remember how to do that,” Chrysalis said without missing a beat. “But I have forgotten the art of cooking meals.”

There was silence as the mares processed her words.

“You don’t remember how to cook?” one of them asked.

“I remember bits and pieces, but every recipe, every hard-learned technique is gone,” Chrysalis replied, looking down at the ground. “My husband is working, and now he doesn’t have a hot meal to come home to because I can’t make him one…”

It was hard not to cackle when the queen felt a wave of horror wash over the mares. There were more gasps, and a mare even fainted. Mrs. Cake looked pale, her mouth set in a thin line. Out of everypony, she was the most horrified. It made sense; this mare’s profession, even her cutiemark from the looks of it, pertained to cooking. To lose that, for her, would be akin to losing herself. Hence, why Chrysalis thought she would be the perfect target for this.

Mrs. Cake loudly swallowed. She forced herself to look away from Chrysalis, who was doing her best to look sad and pathetic, and turned toward one of the mares.

“Could you be a dear and flip the open sign at the front door to closed?”

The mare nodded, wordlessly trotting toward the front door. As she did so, her and a few of the other mares began going around and shooing the few seated patrons toward the door with some hushed whispers. The foals, unfortunately, were allowed to stay for some reason, still happily eating their cookies.

As solemn as a mortician, Mrs. Cake walked around her counter. She stopped right in front of Chrysalis, looking up at the woman with tear-filled eyes.

“Don’t you worry honey. We’re here to help,” she whispered.

~_~_~_~_~_

“Good job today, Anon.”

“Yeah, you’re makin’ real progress. Ya didn’t even fall in any pens today!”

It was the end of a long, hard day. Just like the last few, Anon felt dog tired. Him, Big Mac, and Caramel were sitting around the water pump that the three had just finished drawing water out of for the cows. They were all covered in sweat and dirt, hunched over and just trying to rest for a few minutes before they could find the strength to get up and go home.

Out of the three, Big Mac seemed the least exhausted, thoughtfully chewing on a piece of weed as he sat there. If Anon were being honest with himself, Caramel seemed more dirty than tired as well. They were just sitting here with him to keep him company, which he really did appreciate.

“I’m gonna try not to do that again,” he replied, reaching up to rub his aching shoulder.

“At least it wasn’t as hot,” Caramel said, sniffing the air. “I nearly dropped the other day it was so hot.”

“It’s ‘cause there’s a cold front comin’,” Big Mac said. “We’re gettin’ rain tomorrow, then the weather team is gonna get started on fall.”

“You know, it is weird that you guys get a schedule on what the weather is going to be.”

“Ya’ll really never had that in your world?”

“We tried, and it kind of worked most of the time, but our weather sort of did what it wanted.”

Big Mac grunted. “Must of made farmin’ a nightmare over there,” he said.

“We did alright I think.”

The wind picked up, causing the apple frees to rustle off in the distance. Anon closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He let out a grunt, pushing himself to his feet.

“Alright, time to get home to the missus,” he said.

Both stallions stood up as well, shaking the dirt off their coats like a pair of colorful dogs.

“See ya tomorrow, Anon,” Caramel said, bumping his side against the human’s leg before trotting off.

“Get home safe. See ya in the morning,” Big Mac said with a nod, slowly making his way toward the Apple house.

Patting the dust off his pants, Anon began to make his way down the small dirt path that led into town. By the time he made it off the property, much of his stiffness disappeared. Maybe, in a few weeks, he’d be just like Mac and Caramel, just a little tuckered out after a long work day and not half dead. Probably not, but he could hope.

As he made his way through town, in no real hurry, he thought of Chrysalis. He hoped she wasn’t bored, staying at the house all by herself. She insisted that she never was when he asked her, but he had his doubts. He had a lot of books around the house, and tons of movies on his computer, but even so she needed to get out of the house a little.

She said something about going into town yesterday, so there was that at least. She had been vague about exactly what she was going to do, but he figured she was just getting some plants for those flower beds that she had asked him to build. Maybe she was visiting friends? She had said Twilight and the entire town knew about her, so she’d have to be at least friendly with some of them, right? Hopefully she had fun, whatever she did

A smile worked its way onto his face. He wouldn’t have to wonder about it; he could just ask when he got home. She always seemed so happy when he walked through the front door. It made him glad when she’d walk out from whatever part of the house she was in and rush over to hug him and ask about his day. He had never had someone to look forward to coming home to like Chrysalis. Someone so frighteningly smart, and pretty, and who was some sort of royalty. It really made the long, hard days at the farm go by a lot easier.

Walking up onto his front porch, he kicked his shoes off before stepping inside. The smell of cooking food caused him to pause mid-step.

“Chrysalis, I’m home,” he called.

“I’m in the kitchen,” was the reply. “Come here, I want you to taste something.”

Anon tried teaching Chrysalis how to cook. He wasn’t a very good chef himself, and what he had shown her had been mostly meat-based. This, however, didn’t smell meaty at all. Curious, he quickly made his way into the kitchen.

There was the woman, in an apron and absolutely nothing else, stirring something in a big metal pot. She was looking down into the pot’s contents, her brow scrunched in concentration. Lifting the wooden spoon she had in the pot, she gave the contents a taste, added some salt that she had sitting next to the stove, and turned toward him.

A smile that made his heart skip a beat broke out across her face. She hurried over to him, leaping up and wrapping her arms around his neck.

“How was work?” she asked.

“Oh, it was work, hon,” he said.

It was hard to do so, but he managed to look away from her and toward the pot.

“Whatcha cooking?”

“Vegetable stew,” the love horse said, pride clear as day in her voice. “While I was in town the local mares were kind enough to show me a thing or two. I pray you don’t mind, but I wish to use what I learned.”

“I don’t mind at all. It’s been… a long time since I’ve had a decently cooked meal, and from how it smells I bet it’s a lot better than decent.”

Chrysalis let out an excited giggle. She grabbed his hand, leading him over to the stove. She dipped the wooden spoon in the pot and lifted vegetable laden broth up toward his mouth. Anon blew on the stew a few times before giving it a taste.

Sure enough, it was excellent. Chrysalis continued to be able to pick things up at a supernatural rate. He was lucky she was on his side; he had a feeling if she wanted to use this skill to cause any trouble she’d be a very real issue for the entire world. Again, he couldn’t help but feel flattered beyond words that she’d use her gifts for his benefit.

He smiled. Leaning down, he planted a kiss on her nose. “It’s great, dear,” he said.

“Truly?”

“Best vegetable anything I think I’ve ever had.”

Chrysalis frowned. “Now don’t you go mocking me, Anonymous,” she told him.

Anon raised his hands. “I’m not mocking anything,” he said. “I don’t even really like vegetables, but if you made stuff like that everyday I'd eat it without a problem.”

She beamed at his words. “Very good then, but make no mistake. This is only the beginning. Very soon my culinary abilities will be something to behold.”

Before Anon could reply, she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down for another kiss. With her free hand, she turned off the stove, then reached down to slip a hand down his pants.

“The stew can sit for a little while,” she said, giving him a squeeze. “Why don’t we go and… get you cleaned up?

Without a moment’s hesitation, Anon scooped Chrysalis up into his arms and hurried as quickly as he could to the stairs. Chrysalis let out a giggle in delight.