Growing Up Is Optional

“Oh Apple Bloom, you feel really tense,” Pina Colada cooed, rubbing both her hooves deep into Apple Bloom’s back, earning a moan of pleasure from her client. “Bucking trees all day must really build up tension in your muscles.”

“Yeah,” the farm pony sighed happily, her eyes half closed in pleasure. “Not to mention my part-time construction job. Don’t really have time to do things like this, most days. Really glad Ah came, though.” She was stretched out on a table so comfortable and soft that Apple Bloom was half convinced it cost selling somepony’s soul to a dark power to get something so heavenly. Her masseuse was so good at her job that she playfully wondered whether Colada made some dark pact, too.

“Oh yeah, I heard about your part time job. Really matches your cutie mark,” Pina said, eying lustfully the mallet and screwdriver arranged in an x behind a bright red apple that served as her special talent. “I’ve also heard you work with Big Shot as your partner. So, what’s he like?”

“He’s a very nice stallion. Bit shy and awkward, and has a bit of a temper, but he’s still a nice pony when ya get right down to it,” she explained with a small moan. “Oh yeah, right there.”

“So, is he that pony you’re taken with?” Pina asked, digging her hooves deeper into Bloom’s sweet spot.

She let out a small squeak and a blush, both from pleasure and the question. “N-no!”

“Are you sure? Sure, he isn’t the handsomest stallion around, and he’d probably crush you in bed if you ever slept with him, but he is quite... large. And the larger a stallion is, the larger his special toy.” Pina’s naughty grin was thankfully hidden when Bloom made another gasp of orgasm like pleasure from Pina’s skilled hooves easing every muscle in her back.

She blushed up a storm. “A-Ah don’t really think about my friend’s privates. Besides, as Ah said, Ah’m taken and it’s not with him.” She shifted a bit uncomfortably, but couldn’t bring herself to say a word to Pina.

“Fine fine, I see you’re not dating him. So, is it Lockheart?” Pina eagerly asked.

“Fuck no!” she shouted, the very thought curdling her blood. “Ah’d rather get banged by a mechanical bull with no lube than date that slimy creep!”

“Testy. Although, that is a pretty good metaphor to describe him in bed,” Pina replied, grabbing some lotion from her workstation and squeezing a glob in her hoof.

“Ugh, don’t tell me you slept with that guy,” Apple Bloom groaned, looking at her masseuse over her shoulder.

“Oh yes, but never really dated. We have a more friends with benefits type of thing going on.” Suddenly goose bumps sprung up along Apple Bloom’s back as cold lotion was beginning to get rubbed in by gentle yet firm hooves.

The farm pony shivered and let out a small moan. Her rage and disgust vanished like smoke blown away on the wind. “How do you stand that guy enough to even call him a friend?” she asked, her tone utterly relaxed.

“He isn’t so bad when you get past the initial... hazing period. He can even be quite sweet sometimes. Although, he does spend an awful lot of time with Big Shot. One could wonder...”

“Could wonder what?” Apple Bloom asked, flicking her curly tail. “Ya think they’re colt cuddlers or somethin’?”

Pina Colada briefly stopped her work and shrugged. “Well, Lockheart is known to fool around with stallions, and Big Shot I have no idea about. Never seen him date any mare, so one could jump to the logical conclusion that they’re an item or something.”

“Nah, those two insult each other all the time,” Apple Bloom said with a wave of her hoof. “They can barely stand each other. No way could they ever be a couple.”

“It could be an open relationship. Would definitely explain why Lock would date so many other ponies. Or it could be what me and Lock have, friends with benefits. Besides, I think Lock likes getting insulted by Big. It’s so cute when they go at each other like that. Almost like an old married couple,” Pina said, giggling.

“Ya know... Ah think you may have a point,” Apple Bloom admitted. “Ah never really thought about it like that. It makes sense. Ah mean, Lock flirts with Big somethin’ fierce every chance he gets.”

“Yeah, and how else would it explain why Lock would hang out with Big Shot so often? I mean, Big has to be one of the most unpopular ponies at our school. He takes social awkwardness to another level. I couldn’t imagine why Lock would stick around to somepony like that unless sex was an incentive.”

“Hey, Big Shot’s a really nice colt, and he’s my friend! Don’t talk about him like that,” Apple Bloom snapped, glaring at Pina over her shoulder.

Pina’s ears shot down. “Oh, um, sorry Bloom. You know I didn’t mean it like that, don’t you?” she asked desperately.

“Yeah, sure you didn’t,” the farm pony grumbled laying her chin back down on the table. “Just be careful about what ya say from now on, okay? You’re a really nice mare and ya shouldn’t be talkin’ about other ponies like that behind their backs.”

“Um, sure, sorry Bloom,” Pina muttered. The earlier relaxing yet breathtaking massage lost its drive. Pina’s hooves moved in an almost robotic fashion, none of the passion she had earlier in her hooves. After a couple of minutes of awkward silence, Pina spoke again.

“Listen, Bloom, I really am sorry about saying stuff like that about Big. I know he’s your friend, and it was wrong of me to say such mean things about him. It’s just, I ramble on sometimes and I don’t think about what I’m saying and a lot of times I hurt the ponies I care about. I just hope... you can forgive me for that.”

Apple Bloom’s ears flattened and her gaze softened. “Sorry for snapping at ya, Pina. Apology accepted. Let’s just forget about it and talk about somethin’ else, okay?”

“Sure thing, Bloom,” Pina said, relief flooding in her eyes. “Let’s see, you still haven’t told me who you’re taken with, Miss Secret Bloom.”

“He’s in Manehattan; long distance relationship, you know,” she lied, pulling out the excuse she used whenever she was backed into a corner over her love life.

Pina Colada, an ever eager gossip, tore into her like a shark with drowning obese child. “What’s his name, what does he do, does he have a brothers or sister, is he cute, funny, smart, athletic, good in bed, have a big dick, and does he likes strawberry candy?”

Apple Bloom stammered, trying to answer as best she could. “U-uh, his name is Sweetnote, he’s a singer, he has an older sister, he’s really cute and smart, Ah don’t know if he’s good in bed, the size of his equipment is kind of private, and...” She blinked. “Why in the hell do you wanna know if he likes strawberry candy?”

“Because,” she whispered in her ear, her hot breath smelling of sweet, sweet strawberries, “stallions love to suck on something sweet, and strawberry is my favorite flavor.”

Apple Bloom froze up and a shiver went down her spine that ended in her loins. Her yellow face turned as red as her mane. “A-Ah see,” she stammered, trying to stem the tide of naughty thoughts that were threatening to flood her mind in debauchery.

“Would you like to suck on something sweet, Apple Bloom?” Pina asked, her mouth only an inch away from the mare’s ear. Pina’s tongue began to touch her skin, licking up and down her ear until she playfully nibbled on it. “Because I have a real craving for something apple flavored.”

“Wh... what do ya have in mind?” she asked, trying desperately to keep the conversation innocent even though it delved in the gutter already.

“Maybe some... candied apples,” she cooed, now licking Apple Bloom’s neck. Her expert hooves began to massage her in a different area, right on her plot, her hooves moving up and down her cutie mark in masterful strokes.

The farm pony shivered in pleasure, her brain fighting over whether to stay still or buck her right in the teeth. “Ah...Ah’m not so sure, Pina,” she mumbled. “Ah’m taken, remember? Ah don’t w-wanna be unfaithful...”

“You won’t be unfaithful if nopony finds out,” Pina said, her hooves now in an entirely different region of Apple Bloom’s plot, one where the slightest touch made Apple Bloom squeak in barely contained cries of pleasure. Pina pressed her tongue to the side of Apple Bloom’s mouth, until it slipped inside and began to explore. The two mares embraced in the kiss, their tongues doing all the talking for them. Breaking off, a stray strand of saliva still connected their forbidden kiss. “Mmm, Apple Bloom, you’re one naughty little filly. Already wet are we?” Pina’s hooves began to stroke harder and deeper now, collecting a good amount of Bloom’s hormone induced fluids.

Apple Bloom’s legs quivered and quaked as she tried to will herself to move, or do anything for that matter. Here eyes were wide and her gaze distant, her lips opening and closing like a floundering fish. She desperately wanted Pina; she was a very, very pretty mare, ignoring the fact she knew how to please. But that little thing that she called her conscience kept screaming for her to get away. “Ah...Ah don’t...”

“Shh, no more words,” Pina whispered, pressing a hoof to Apple Bloom’s mouth, the fragrance of the sweet smelling lotion and her own juices making her eyes flutter. “You’re the customer, which means you get a happy ending. And I intend to make you as happy as possible.” An erotic smile was plastered on Pina’s lips as she flipped over Apple Bloom, her marehood already in heat. The pink mare pressed her belly to Apple Bloom’s, rubbing both her hooves along the yellow mare’s sides. Pina pressed her lips to Apple Bloom’s again, the two mares lost in each other’s kiss. They broke it off once more, captured by the other’s eyes.

“J-just don’t tell anypony... okay?” Apple Bloom said shyly, wiggling under Pina. She was entranced by those teal eyes of hers and couldn’t look away. She felt trapped and yet didn’t ever want to escape. “Ah don’t want anypony to know Ah’m a filly fooler.”

“Don’t worry, my little Bloom, your secret is safe with me. Now, let me relieve some tension from those aching muscles of yours.” She dove right back into their kiss, much more wild and less gently than before. Her tongue caressed her client’s, the sweet strawberry flavor quickly becoming Apple Bloom’s favorite taste. Pina moved her lips from her mouth to her neck, then to her chest, and then down to her belly. Apple Bloom was panting, her hoof busy elsewhere in her nether regions and in Pina’s, since that was just common courtesy. Pina’s tongue stopped right before making it’s grand entrance to the main prize, her teal eyes looking at Apple Blooms. So many words were spoken through those eyes, many of which made Apple Bloom even hotter for her. Just as her tongue was about to meet its intended destination, the door opened.

“Hey Bloom, me and Lock are done and the receptionist said you should be finishing up so-” Big’s wouldn’t have talked if he could have, his mouth hanging open so much it looked like it would snap off. The image before him conveyed multiple thoughts, many of which centering around why in the hell Pina’s face was stuck right in between Apple Bloom’s legs. In a split second this thought returned back to his brain with an answer, which he immediately blurted out, “Holy Celestia fucking Luna’s anus, you two were having sex!”

Apple Bloom quickly kicked Pina away and scrambled upright on the table, looking at Big with a look of absolute terror. “Th-this isn’t what it... okay, it’s exactly what it looks like, b-but Ah didn’t mean for it to go this far!”

“This far? She was practically diving for pearls in your snatch!” Big shouted, his face now even redder than Apple Bloom’s. “Oh dear Celestia, this is bad! What is Sweetie-” Apple Bloom’s hoof connected with his snout, ending his sentence.

“My coltfriend isn’t gonna know until Ah tell him, understood?” she said pointedly, glaring daggers at Big.

Big Shot rubbed his nose in annoyance, and because that hoof to the mouth really hurt. “Sure, you tell him that. Didn’t have to hit me that hard though,” he complained.

“Or shove me off the table,” Pina added, dusting her coat off. She made her way to Apple Bloom and ran her tail down the yellow mare’s body. “And just when we were getting to the good part.” This caused an instant increase of blood flow to a certain organ in Big’s lower body.

“Pina, stop,” Apple Bloom said firmly, sidling away from her reach. “You’re a very nice mare and Ah want to be friends with ya, but Ah’m not interested in bein’ friends like that. Ah’m sorry if that disappoints ya, but I’ve got a special somepony to stay loyal to.”

“I... okay,” she sighed. “Sorry, I... I better be going.” The mare galloped past Big and into the hall to who knew where.

“Ah shoulda known this would happen with one a’ Lockheart’s friends,” Apple Bloom grumbled as she trotted out the door, her head hung low and her eyes narrowed in anger at the world in general.

“Um, wait up a second, Bloom!” Big called, both his legs pressed tight to conceal his ready to deliver package as he shuffled forward.

“Where’s Lockheart?” she growled, not looking back at him as she stomped down the hall.

“He’s, um, somewhere at the desk. Now can you wait up?” But she didn’t listen. Big was left to whimper and move at an incredibly slow pace, so as to not reveal his hidden shame.

The farm pony found her way to the front reception area, and saw Lockheart waiting for the two of them on a bench. He perked up upon seeing her and slipped off his seat. “So, how did things go with Pina-?”

The rest of his words didn’t make it out. They were cut short by a right hook to his jaw.

“The hell were you thinkin’, settin’ me up like that?!” Apple Bloom roared.

“S-set up?” the unicorn groaned as he spat out a tooth. “The fuck are you talking about?”

“Ah can see right through you, you wormy, bastard,” she snarled. “You set me up with Pina Colada as a little favor to her, didn’t ya?! Friends with a lot of benefits, it looks like.”

“Oh sweet Celestia, she did it again, didn’t she?” he groaned as he got back on all fours.

“Damn right she did! Practically-” Her words were cut off when Lockheart grabbed her with his magic, dragging her away from the gathering gaze of bystanders. “Hey, let me go!”

He dragged her over to a secluded corner and hissed, “I don’t want to get her fired, idiot!”

“Well, she should be! She pretty much forced herself on me,” Apple Bloom snapped back.

“Look, she has a problem with that, okay? She doesn’t exactly like it, but sometimes she just... gets caught up in her work,” he said hesitantly. “It’s gotten her in trouble before, and if she gets written up one more time, she loses her job. That’s not even going over the outright scandal for both the spa and Pina’s family. If you say a single word, this is going to hurt a lot more ponies than just her.”

“Do you *huff* mind waiting *huff* up for once?” Big shouted, finally catching up and no longer indecent. Nothing like a workout to loosen the muscles. “Now, would somepony mind explaining to me why Pina was getting smitten with, um, Apple Bloom’s... you know what I mean?”

“Because she’s just like your friend here,” she said, narrowing her eyes at the unicorn.

Lockheart sighed and shook his head. “No, she’s not. Not quite, anyway. Her special talent is making other ponies feel like they’re in paradise. She has several ways to do it. She’s best with massage and conversation, but her talent also extends to sex. When she gets caught up in her work, she gets caught up in her purpose in life: pleasuring other ponies. Sometimes she gets to a point where she forgets how and how not to do that, is all.”

“Oh, is that all?” Apple Bloom asked with a roll of her eyes.

“Is that why you never let me get massages here?” Big Shot asked Lock.

“That’s the main reason, yes,” he admitted. “Look, no offense, but Pina just is not your type, Big, and I don’t want your hormones ruining her career.”

“Ooh, but when you need to get one off she’s all yours. I know what this is really about,” Big said, narrowing his eyes and glaring at Lockheart.

“I don’t bang her at work!” he hissed back. “You totally would, and you know it!”

“I would if you let me. But you won’t, because you want me all to yourself,” Big said, raising both his hooves in the air. “You just can’t stand the idea of me hanging out or fucking anyone else! No, I’m yours forever, so you deliberately undermine me so I’m always around. The names, the insults, the buying me food all the time! Just to fatten me up so I have no choice but to come crawling back!”

“I do not-” He paused and looked over to Apple Bloom. “What’re you looking at?”

The farm pony’s eyes were wide as dinner plates and her jaw was almost dragging along the floor. “Sweet Celestia, Pina was right about you two.”

“Psst, Lock, what is she talking about?” Big asked his friend, troubled by that weird look Apple Bloom was giving the two of them.

“I have no idea,” he whispered back before saying at normal volume, “Apple Bloom, Pina was right about what?”

“You two are so gay for each other,” she said, still in complete shock.

A pregnant silence hung in the air, only to be broken by Big Shot and Lockheart falling over and laughing their plots off. Big in particular could barely breathe. After a solid minute of hysterics, Big Shot was finally able to say, “You actually think we’re an item? I can barely stand to be in the same room with this asshole, let alone a bed. Plus, I’m straight, and would rather fuck a pile of donkey manure than this guy. Can you believe her, Lock?”

“No, I can’t!” he said, still cracking up and on his back, his hind legs kicking in the air. After his hysterics died down, he got back on all fours and panted from laughing so hard. “Seriously, Apple Bloom, I admit I’d love to rut this bastard, but we came to an understanding a long time ago: He’s straight, I’m not, he borderline hates me, so I don’t ever seriously try to get him in bed with me except like for a sleepover or some junk.”

“And then there’s the possibility of me catching some weird STD he’s picked up over the years,” Big added in, struggling to get back on his hooves. “Like last year when you had sex with that whore, Cotton Top I believe, and then you got that weird rash. Then you went through every book in Twilight’s library to see what it was since you didn’t want to go to the doctors and get in trouble. But then you finally found out it was-” Lock’s hoof covered Big’s just before he uttered the last words in his sentence.

“Shut. Up,” the unicorn hissed.

Apple Bloom’s eyes went back to normal size, but her eyebrow cocked. “What was it?”

“Nothing. It was absolutely nothing,” he insisted with a blush. “And even if it wasn’t, nopony can prove anything, and I’m completely clean of STDs.”

“But what about all that lotion I had to get you? It was by the buckets too.” Big asked.

“I swear by Celestia’s sweaty solar snatch that I am clean,” Lockheart said, his voice shaking. From anger, anxiety, or both, neither of the earth ponies could tell. “I took the tests, I am not spreading anything!”

“Fine, fine, we believe ya,” Apple Bloom said, trying to calm him down.

“I don’t,” Big pointed out, but everyone just ignored him.

Lockheart panted, looking around to see if anypony was listening in. Seeing no one, he let out a sigh. “Look, just... please don’t turn Pina in? She can’t get fired this early in her career.”

Apple Bloom looked long and hard at the unicorn before saying, “Fine, Ah won’t. But if she does it again, Ah’m coming forward and testifyin’, got it?”

“Hey, aren’t you in the same circle of blame since you did technically cheat on your mare- I mean coltfriend?” Big questioned the yellow earth pony.

She blushed a bright red and looked away. “Erm... dammit, you’re right. Fine, Ah won’t testify. Just hope she don’t do it again.”

“That’ll do,” Lockheart said with a relieved smile. “And... sorry I didn’t warn you about her.”

“Apology accepted,” she said, returning the smile.

“As sexy as you are, I should’ve known she’d jump your bones,” he added with that smug smile of his.

Apple Bloom frowned and huffed, swinging around and stomping toward the front entrance. “Shoulda known...”

Big couldn’t help but stare at her plot as she was walking away, but mentally kicked himself and averted his eyes. Apple Bloom was his friend, and after seeing her in that... vulnerable position, his brain was going crazy. Not everyday you see one of your female friends going down on it with another beautiful mare. He was confused, and the short range connection from his brain to his penis was making things even more complicated.

“Nice view, ain’t it?” Lockheart, the master of not helping, snickered as he trotted to follow her.

“Damnit, Lock. She’s my only friend who’s a mare and I can’t even look at her without getting a hard on. Fucking fantastic,” he complained, shoving Lock to the side.

The unicorn cackled before falling back to be at Big’s side. “Look, it’s really not that big a deal. Just clop really well before each day at work, and there shouldn’t be any problems.”

“Yeah, like you know so much about. I bet you wouldn’t even hang out with the female population if sex wasn’t an incentive,” Big replied to Lock, glaring daggers at him. “Is there any mare you’d actually want to be around with if you couldn’t fuck her?”

Lockheart’s ears twitched downward and his smile faltered. “Yes. Yes, there is.”

“Relatives don’t count, doofus.”

“She isn’t a relative,” he said, one of his ears twitching as if swatting away a fly. They walked through the front doors, not that far behind Apple Bloom as the farm pony turned around.

“Ah guess Ah’ll see you tomorrow at work, Big?” she asked, once again ignoring his unicorn friend.

“Um, I think I’m gonna take a break from work for a bit. Need to do some... things,” Big said, squirming under her gaze and avoiding eye contact.

“Things? What kinda things?” She looked at him with confusion, Lockheart joining in.

“Ummmmmmmmm... important things. Things that need to be done. Because they’re important. And are things.” Big shuffled his hooves, cold sweat pouring down his brow. “Well, see ya Bloom!” Big called over his back as he dragged Lockheart away.

Apple Bloom blinked as the confused unicorn got dragged away flailing. “Boys,” she muttered as she trotted back to Sweet Apple Acres.

“Hey, what gives?” Lockheart asked as he tried to pry himself from Big’s grip. Unfortunately for him, he probably couldn’t win tug of war with a squirrel, much less Big Shot.

“Firstly, I’m afraid Bloom might have noticed my stiffy, so I want to get out of there as soon as possible. And secondly, we have to talk.”

“We can talk after you let me go,” Lockheart whined, his ears flattening pitifully.

Big easily lifted Lockheart near his head, the smaller unicorn flailing madly in the air. “No way, man. You’ll just squirm out of this like you always do. Now, who’s this chick you don’t fuck? Or do? Whatever you do to her?”

“Why do you want to know?” he spat, his limbs falling flat to his sides as he glared.

“Well, why haven’t I ever heard of her?” Big asked, a feeling of being hurt appearing in his eyes. Lock and Big were close friends, and usually shared nearly everything together.

Lockheart looked deep into his friend’s eyes and sighed. “Because I’ve never told you, because she’s a bit of a sore spot for me. I don’t really like talking about her.”

“Oh really. Like how you don’t like talking about Checkered Flag? Because Apple Bloom told me an interesting story about that,” Big said coldly, his gaze never wavering from Lock’s.

The unicorn’s gaze turned downward and his ears flattened. “So... you finally know about that, huh?”

“Yeah. I’ve been in plenty of fights, but choking a pony to near death? What the hell, Lock? Why would you do that?” Big Shot asked, concern in his eyes.

“I lost control of myself, okay? That’s all you need to know.” He shifted uncomfortably in Big’s grip.

“Losing control doesn’t mean attempted murder!” Big shouted, shaking Lockheart. “And not telling me, your best friend, is also a big problem!”

“Would you have even wanted to be my friend anymore if you’d known about that?” Lock snapped, pushing Big’s forelegs off of him.

“It’s not like I have much of a choice,” Big spat back. “Now I see how much you apparently trust me.”

“Please, as if you trust me,” he drawled, looking Big dead in the eye. “You don’t have a single reason to trust me.”

“Have you really given me one?” Big’s face was blank.

He sighed and admitted, “No. I really haven’t. And what do you want me to do about that, exactly?”

“I don’t know. Maybe tell me more about yourself. Most of the time you keep everything bottled up. Try it my way. Open book!” Big’s cheery smile was about as cheesy as they come.

Lockheart cracked a small smile. “Okay, fun fact number one about me: I’m scared to death of bees. That a good start, big guy?”

“There we go,” Big said, patting Lock roughly on the back. “Baby steps. Next we’ll move on to why you have insecurity issues and why you fill that empty hole in your life with sex.”

“I have no such thing,” he said firmly, brushing himself off.

“Nope, there’s a hole in there as low as your dignity,” Big explained. “And you’re filling it up to the brim with hormonal juices and the like.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled, flicking his tail. “Are we going home now? It’s getting late, we both got our rocks off, and I’m tired.”

“Sure thing buddy, sure thing.”

The two friends departed, putting behind them one hectic day. A day of disfiguring accidents, fights with each other, and stuffing their dignity in a corner in the name of clopping. A hectic day, but a fairly normal one as far as they were concerned.