(1) Not her, nor her, nnope.
For those of you diligently awaiting the next chapter from But First, I must apologize. I'm juggling this with the other.
That being said, this is a M/M story. And yes, it will have some sex scenes. I justify this because because it isn't actually necessary to read this in order to read But First!! so I felt it wasn't constrained by the Teen rating. I felt it needed to be shared with a crowd that might appreciate it, and if you do you would probably dig But First!! so read on.
If you don't like the M/M......that arouses me.
Ok 1,2,3 GO!!
*CRACK*
"Doggarnit!!"
That was the second one today. The second one! Two trees now put out of commission thanks to sloppy kicks. Today was shaping up to be a pretty bad day.
Macintosh slumped down against one of his family's prized apple trees, wondering what he was going to tell AJ and Granny. Oops? My bad? Just another batch of product gone, no biggie? Hardly a good excuse when there was money involved, especially since cider season was just around the corner. Picking up a stained washcloth from the nearest apple barrel (one he had been in the process of filling) he mopped the sweat from his face. The summer afternoon's heat had taken its toll on the stallion.
This was how it had been for most of Macintosh's life. Bucking apples, sweating in the sun, watching over his family. Well mostly AJ. Ever since she got involved with those Elements of Harmony whatsits he been worrying more and more about her. Not that being in direct league with the princess of Equestria was a bad thing, it was just the constant worry of something happening. Like AJ not making it back one day. Or Applebloom getting whisked away to some place by rich and seedy colts. Or Granny's time finally running out.
The stallion sighed heavily, suddenly feeling very old.
*PoP*
"Hm?"
Macintosh perked his ears up, the noise jolting him out of his light slumber. Looking about in the fading sunlight Macintosh spotted nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing aside from the swaying trees and apples bobbing in the occasional breeze.
*PoP*
And then he spotted it.
For a second his mouth hung open, the wheat stalk falling out from between his lips. As if the stalk touching the ground was some kind of green light, half a dozen more pops rang around him. And all at once, his surprise ebbed away. Spinning on his heel, the red stallion quietly addressed the floating serpent behind.
"Mister Discord sir, ya mind tellin' me why my apple trees alluva sudden wanna start growing taquitos?
The jovial draconequess picked one from its place on the branch, savoring the steam leaking out from the tortilla.
"Ah yes, I was just about to ask you the same thing! I imagine the fine fellows knew I liked chicken, *crunch*"
Big Macintosh stood stoically and expressionless until the floating whatever-the-hell-it-was had finished it's snack. The creature gingerly licked clean its talons and smiled wide at Macintosh as if nothing strange had happened. For a second, no words were spoken, just Discord smiling at Macintosh, who stared back expressionless.
"Ok ok fine!" The creature huffily snapped his fingers, and instantly bright red apples replaced the tortillas hanging from the tree branches. "Gotta get the meat group from somewhere right," the spirit floated down to meet Macintosh on the ground.
"Well what can I do ya for Mister Discord?" Macintosh turned, gesturing with his neck for the creature to follow him.
"Ah finally, a pony with a bit of manners, how kind!" The creature followed Macintosh in suit, completely forgetting that he had all but turned the red stallion into a dog last time they met.
"I was wondering if my dear Applejack had any pies left from earlier today, I didn't wake up early enough to catch her stall,"
"Hmm.....a'm supposin' not ALL of em' made sales, might be one or two left AJ brought home," Mac chewed thoughtfully on his wheat stalk. "Prolly not the freshest,"
"Oh pish-posh, I'm sure they're fine."
"Well....wouldn't feel right makin' ya pay for pies that ain't fresh. You can have em' free of charge," Macintosh said, giving a small nod at the creature behind him.
Discord followed Macintosh back to the house wordlessly, either in thought or just toying about with apples again he didn't know. Nonetheless, when he stepped up to the porch Granny Smith greeted him kindly. The poor old girl must have misplaced her glasses again obviously.
"Well hellooooo there, big boy like yourself must be looking for something to eat! What's your name sonny?" Granny Smith smiled and shuffled over to the creature as fast as her old legs could carry her.
"My name is Discord ma'am, lord of chaos and harbinger of destruction, and I am indeed here to inquire about your fine products," Discord took a deep bow and kissed Granny's hoof.
"Oh such a creative name, I suppose those confaddled vidyahgames do some lick of good huh? Well come on in, lets see what I can do fer ya,"
"Granny, I was jes gonna give em' the pies AJ didn't sell today for free. Being that he's in a rush and everthin'," Macintosh gave the creature a wink obvious to all but Granny.
"Ah yes my dear, you see I am running a bit late for a little get-together with my dear friend Fluttershy. However I have no problem paying for the snacks that have been so kindly offered."
"Oh fiddlesticks, nopony pays for nothin' less than fresh round here, lemme just git some boxes ready. AJ had three left over........confounded light never bright enough....," Granny's voice trailed off as she disappeared through the screen door to the kitchen, leaving Discord to slop himself down into Granny's rocker. Macintosh simply laid down on his stomach, allowing his tired body to cool down for the first time that day.
"So um....about turning you into a dog.....I'm rrrrreeeeaaaalllllllyyyy s-,"
"A dog? But Winona's jes round the corner.....," Macintosh raised an eyebrow at the serpent and pointed with his hoof at Winona's kennel.
"Oh yes quite, *ahem*," Discord smiled and snapped a claw, leaving a bright bone wrapped in red tinsel in front of the dog house. The pup was in for a treat once she woke up.
Macintosh chuckled under his breath, wondering why anybody would say Discord had been quite the problem in the past. Annoying sure, but having met the strange creature only a few weeks ago, Macintosh had only encountered just that. Annoyance. Sure piñatas magically growing from the Apple Family's tree branches had been a bit strange, but cracking them open to find exotic candies had been quite entertaining; Discord's pranks never truly grew stale.
Macintosh's eyes popped open again as Granny kicked the screen door open, handing the serpent three styrofoam boxes with wobbly hooves. Discord thanked her with a bow and another offering of money, to which Granny shrugged away. Sweet Apple Acres only charged for the best after all.
The stallion settled down with his head in his hooves, watching the strange being float away on a small pink cloud. Behind him, Granny settled back down into her rocker, the creaking creating a soothing white noise Macintosh recognized from foalhood. Granny must have known such a setting would have her grandson calm, so she popped the question she had forgotten she had asked only a few days ago.
"Macintosh did ya find yurself a pretty mare yet? Boy your age should start thinkin' bought settlin' down, having a nice little family," Granny took out her sewing needles and resumed work on a blanket she had been making.
Macintosh blew the wheat stalk from his mouth in what he had hoped was a silent huff. Sitting back up politely he turned to the old mare and gave her a weak smile.
"Jes haven't found the right filly yet Granny," he turned back around, feigning interest in the bottoms of his hoofs.
"Well howsabout that blue one always flyin' round? I mean sure, not exactly cut out for the farm but-"
"Nnope," Macintosh cut her off. He had had quite enough of the Rainbow mare last time she had came to gather Applejack. Cosmic entity threatening all of Equestria or not, the mare was much too pushy.
"Well she does have a problem knockin' down doors........howsabout the little bookworm in the library? Nothin' wrong with bringin' home a filly with a good head on her shoulders,"
"Poor girl's too busy fer stuff like that, she's on Royal Duty from the Princess,"
Granny dropped her needles and stared at Macintosh for a second.
"The bookworm?"
"Eeyup," Macintosh answered back, blowing a bang out of his eyes.
"Well.....coulda married inta nobility but that's a stallion fer ya.....well whatabout the unicorn just round the corner from Sunny Sides' house? Ya know, the one in the carousel," Granny waved a hoof over her head, emphasizing the size of the carousel she didn't know was a boutique.
"Nnope. I'm hopin' she notices that little dragon feller that's been followin' her round. AJ says he's crazy bought her and helps her at work," Macintosh thought back to the times he had actually talked to the energetic little dragon. Hard to believe that such a small, innocent creature could have grown to such monstrous proportions. And yet Caramel swore up and down he had seen the dragon terrorizing the town a while back just "pop", and there in the center was Spike. Thank goodness him and the mare had survived their fall.
"Poor dear, t'aint natural fer him to like something outside his own species," Granny tsked lightly as she continued on the blanket.
"Yeah, maybe yer right Granny. Itsa shame he ain't a stallion," Macintosh closed his eyes and let the sound of the creaking rocking chair lull him to sleep.
*pst...*
*poke*
"....hey, Big Mac come on,"
Macintosh cracked an eye open, meeting the eyes of his cousin Caramel. The colt wasleaning down and staring into his face as if he were watching an insect he had never seen before.
"Did I miss somethin'?" Big Mac asked with a wide yawn, stretching out his forehooves and spine--earning two satisfying pops for his efforts.
"Aw come on, you said you'd introduce me to Miss Scoops today, we gotta go or we'll miss her shift!" Caramel jumped impatiently back to his feet, giving Macintosh a pleading look.
"Cousin why don't you just try talkin' to her, I'm sure she'll like you," the red stallion argued. His cousin's fear of talking to mares was, to be quite frank, irrational at times. Caramel had had his eye on one Sweetcream Scoops, an ice cream shop employee on Sugarcube Corner. Of course the mare was pretty, but she was nowhere near stuck up about it. Still, Caramel swore up and down to his cousin that the mare had thought he was a creep when he had chanced to hold a door open for her once.
"How weird!! I just said that like five seconds ago," a sarcastic voice rang out. The voice belonged to a blue stallion who had somehow managed to sneak past Macintosh and into Granny's rocking chair.
"I mean what--you think she's bite?" Eiffel gave Caramal a mock-irritated look, leaning back in the wooden chair. The blue colt couldn't hide the amusement from his features for long before he gave a smirk.
"Well come to think of it, that actually sounds like something she might do. I mean Sweetcream Scoops, yeah........what a name right?" Eiffel grinned widely at Macintosh who cracked a smile of his own. Caramal simply groaned and ran a hoof over his mane.
"You guys know she's not like that, besides I just want to ask her out on a date. You know.....as friends," the brown earth pony shrugged his shoulders innocently.
"Ppssshhh," Eiffel waved a hoof dismissively at Caramel and lounged back in Granny's rocker, leaving the red stallion to deal with his cousin.
"So ask her out. What're you stressin' about?" Macintosh asked with a bit of annoyance in his voice. Sure the colt was a scaredy cat sometimes but lately it had been ridiculous.
"Just come with me! Please, I just know I'm gonna crack," Caramel spun on his heel and spoke as if in deep contemplation. "Oh man what if her friends are there? And I say something stupid and--what if I get rejected and everyone's there to see???"
"And right afterward she'll give all the foals free ice cream like always, honestly don't know what you see in her....," Eiffel gave an exaggerated frown as he rested his head in his hoof. Big Macintosh placed a reassuring hoof on his cousin's shoulder and spoke evenly to him.
"Relax. Me n' Eiffel'll be right behind you. We'll get some cones and hunker down while you talk to her. If'n things go wrong.....," Macintosh shrugged his shoulders, "We'll just leave,"
Just as Caramel was about to protest, a blue set of hooves pushed both him and his cousin down the stairs and towards the path to Ponyville.
Caramel, in a rather amusing state of anxiety, found himself trotting every now and
again down the dirt path. His two friends kept a slow pace far behind, watching dust kick up every now and again with each miniature breakdown of the stallions already weak confidence.
"You think he's gonna choke?" Eiffel asked, tilting his head to the side as he watched
Caramel.
"I hope not," Big Mac answered with a sigh, "bout time he got a mare ta settle down
with."
"Yeah maybe......I need to find me a nice round one,"
Big Macintosh scoffed and made an amused face at the colt, "what?"
"Oh come on, you can't tell me you like a mare all skin and bone. Besides," Eiffel
paused to shrug his shoulders, "backseats gotta be comfortable right?"
Before Macintosh could answer the question Eiffel whirled around to face him and
confidently answered it himself.
"Right."
Macintosh reeled back from the snout he found firmly planted in his field of vision.
The stallion gave a small chuckle as Eiffel made his way back to his side of the road. He had to admit, the colt's passion for plot was to be admired.
"So be honest, which filly do you have your eye on?" Eiffel wiggled his brow, implying he
was expecting a more colorful answer.
"Mm....," Big Mac stared off in thought, working the wheat stalk in his lips. "I guess Miss
Pinkie would be nice ta take home.....
"Wha-- Pinkie Pie? The party pony? Well I mean sure she's pretty but it's like she never
runs out of energ--Oh! Ooooooohhhhh!" Eiffel laughed as he playfully slugged Macintosh in the arm. The red stallion cracked a sneaky smile of his own.
"I think I'm more into Mrs. Cake than anything," Eiffel flashed a grin that told the larger colt that he was fishing for shock. "Especially since she put on those extra pounds from the twins,"
Macintosh paused to adjust his wheat stalk so he could speak, giving Eiffel a doubting look.
"So ya mean ta tell me you'd go messin' round with a married mare?"
"Only if I'm sure I could appreciate her more than her stallion, and trust me--," Eiffel froze in place for effect and enunciated his words, " I can appreciate that mare."
"For the weight, or her cookin'?" Macintosh asked, knowing all too well how much the colt loved baked goods.
"Both of those things have a perfect place in my bedroom," Eiffel stated matter of factly, which earned him a hearty chuckle from Macintosh.
"Now that's somethin' I ain't heard since--,"
"We gotta go, NOW," Caramel cut Macintosh off as he attempted to whiz by, only to be stopped by a strong red forehoove clotheslining him off of his hooves. He grunted heavily as he landed hard in the dirt, dust settling into his eyes. His cousin, standing over him cracked his neck and exhaled a satisfied breath.
"I saw er' too Caramel, and you best be gittin' to talking to her," Macintosh stated gruffly.
Caramel turned his head up to see the bright yellow mare trotting towards them, her mane blowing in soft breeze just right....
"B-b-b-but I-I-" Caramel was cut off as Macintosh scooped his head under the colts belly and pushed him up off the ground.
"She ain't at work, an' she don't look busy. G'wan and talk to her," Big Mac said, this time sounding much more gentle. The stammering colt shook in place for a second, pleading with Macintosh for them to run away from the approaching mare. At least he'd have his dignity in not throwing up in front of the prettiest mare he had ever met.
"Jes go on and ask er' on a date, worst she can say is no," Macintosh said coaxingly, hoping for Caramel to calm down. The tan colt simply shook his head and made a gesture to leave-
"Hey miss Scoops!! Hey you got a minute?" Eiffel stood behind Big Macintosh waving down the mare. Caramel looked about ready to wet himself as Sweetcream waved back and doubled timed her trot towards them.
Eiffel walked forward to meet her, stopping for only a second to turn and give Caramel and Big Macintosh an exaggerated wink. Turning back he made a motion with his head to the side of his hoof, bringing back a slip of paper in his mouth that he laid upon the ground.
"My buddy Caramel was too shy to talk to you, so he made you a poem instead,"
Caramel's jaw dropped and he made a motion to rush forward to snatch the slip of paper away. However, he yet again became familiarized with a large red hoof as he once again ran face first into it.
"Caramel writes poetry? Oh I just knew he was the sensitive type. What kind of poem is it?" Sweetcream asked as she down on her belly to read, one hoof pushing a long pink strand of her mane from her eyes.
Caramel covered his eyes in his hooves, hoping to whatever deity that would listen that the slip of paper would suddenly shoot off with the breeze. However as he listened to the mare's gasps he knew his luck had failed him yet again.
Macintosh adjusted his wheat stalk and chuckled as the mare's face bordered on the verge of tears.
"Oh Caramel! Y-you really think my voice sounds like a-," she stopped to sniff and look back at the paper, "- the echoing sighs of a garden in fresh morning sunlight?"
She dropped the paper and ran to clamber on top of the colt.
"Caramel you beautiful stallion! How could I ever turn you away??" The mare looped her forehooves about Caramel's shoulders and sniffled into his chest fur.
Eiffel made a gagging motion with his hoof.
"If you want....I could make you something to eat later?" The mare wiped her eyes with the edge of her hoof as she stood back up. Caramel, who had been laying back dumbfounded simply nodded his head and tried to fight the blush that was rising on his cheeks.
"8 sound good? Maybe you could....," Sweetcream stopped to look back into the colt's eyes, "write more for me?"
And with that, the mare stooped down to grab the poem in her mouth and shot off as fast as her legs would take her. Caramel propped himself up slowly, watching the mare run with the setting sun highlighting her fur in just the right way. The three sat in silence for several minutes before Eiffel broke it.
"You know I knew it would go over well, but I didn't expect her to want to marry you after the first two minutes. What did you write in that poem?"
Caramel whirled around, a look of sheer disbelief adorning his features.
"Y-you didn't even know what was written on it!?" The tan colt leapt up and charged head first at Eiffel, colliding with his rear and sending him stumbling.
"I just grabbed one from your dresser when you weren't looking. I was gonna slip it to her if you chickened out!" Eiffel shouted as he leapt out of the way of another tackle. Caramel stopped to roughly pull at his own mane.
"You idiot! There were inappropriate ones in that stack! What if she saw that?" Caramel leapt again, this time making his mark and landing on top of the blue stallion.
"Oof! Y-you can make poetry out of, what her plot? Wow.....ow!" Eiffel cried out as Caramel's hooves fished about for his throat. Luckily Macintosh settle a hoof between the two and pushed Caramel away, giving Eiffel a cheeky smile.
"Yunno cousin, ya really ought ta go get some flowers for her afore the shops close fer the night," Macintosh gestured with a hoof back towards Ponyville. Caramel cursed under his breath and nodded quickly, sprinting off to Roseluck's shop.
Macintosh helped the blue colt up and dusted off his back.
"He'll git over it, he'd a' backed out if it weren't fer you finding that poem,"
"I might have lied when I said I grabbed one at random. I've read each one--apparently her backside reminds him of banana ice cream scoops," Eiffel smiled widely at Macintosh, clearly quite pleased with himself.
"Did ya happen ta grab that un' too?" Macintosh asked hopefully. Eiffel whipped a piece of paper, this one more wrinkled, seemingly from empty space behind his back.
"Rrrriiight here!" Eiffel and Macintosh nodded to each other before both raced of back to Sweet Apple Acres, intent of reading just what Caramel thought of his new girlfriend's hindquarters.
Three weeks had passed since Caramel earned Sweetcream's heart. Three weeks of nothing but manual labor on Macintosh's end, as his only close guy friend was now a taken stallion. As he wiped sweat from his brow he briefly wondered whatever happened to Eiffel, the friend he had met through Caramel only two months ago. He had seen not hide nor hair of the pony since he and Macintosh read Caramel's little ice cream fetish poem all those nights ago.
He let his plow collar fall to the ground, shaking beads of sweat from his neck as he did so, and watered over to the fence where a towel hung waiting for him. He swung it neatly about his neck as he wandered around to the side of he barn where a small water trough had been placed for him.
Dipping the towel into the cold liquid, he set about wiping himself down. Normally the stallion would just settle for a bath but dinner would not be served at home that night. Granny and the girls had taken off to visit the Oranges (of course leaving him with work) and promised him he could visit by himself for a week at the end of summer. Meaning of course he would either have to cook or go to town for a bite to eat.
Town sounded much more preferable than dishes.
A short walk later found him in Ponyville, the dying afternoon sun ushering ponies into their houses where they shined warm welcoming lights from their windows. Insects chirped in the distance, clearly enjoying the summer warmth in the lush grasses in Ponyville. Macintosh had to admit, he enjoyed the white noise in the summer nights. It made sleep come easily to the large work horse.
A bit further down from Sugarcube Corner were the handful of restaurants that made their business in Ponyville. The thought of the Eastern noodle soup dishes made his stomach rumble happily, a pleasure he indulged in once every other week. Of course the fried rice was also on his mind, a dish he decided he'd order as a side.
As Macintosh was deciding on the drink he would order, he spotted a familiar blue pony sitting on his rump just outside his target restaurant. He appeared to be counting money in his bit bag, no doubt hesitant about walking into the shop or not.
"Evenin' Eiffel!" Macintosh called as he trotted up next to the blue colt.
"Well look who's alive! Where've you been man?" Eiffel stowed his bit bag away and lightly punched Macintosh's shoulder.
"Where else? Ya seen Caramel lately?" Macintosh asked, curious as to whether or not it was just he who had not seen his cousin in weeks.
"Pffft....no. We were supposed to hang out last Tuesday but he blew me off. Guess he'll be getting married anytime now," Eiffel stood up slowly, shaking his back legs like they had fallen asleep.
"Sure sounds like it...you goin' in ta eat?" Macintosh reached a hoof out and opened the door, holding it open for the colt.
"Nah, I'm a bit light on bits this week. I'm probably just gonna settle for some hay back home," Eiffel shrugged and gave a lazy grin.
"C'mon," Macintosh gestured with a flick of his head toward the inside of the shop. "I'll pay fer ya, I could use the company,"
"Wwwwwweeeeellllll," Eiffel gave the stallion a look before he rolled his eyes. "Aw why not, I'm bored anyway,"
