Clop Fiction

Eight hours had passed since Jules and Vincent begun their one-day "magic school" with Twilight Sparkle. The two mobsters knew the basics; Lifting and moving objects. However, Vincent requested that they learn how to fire a water gun, which was a risky move for two reasons. The two mobsters didn't know if water guns existed in what Jules dubbed as "The Land of the Neigh", and also because it was a rather odd request for two unicorns who were recovering from amnesia. Twilight asked why they would want to know how to fire water guns, and Jules told her that he and Vincent use them to cool off. Twilight was a little suspicious at first, but decided to go along with it.

"Well, did you two have fun?" asked Twilight.

"Lots." replied Vincent.

"Gotta admit, Twilight. That was some really cool action." complimented Jules as he lifted a nearby book that was laying on the floor.

"Thanks, Jules! Anyway, are you two going to be okay?"

"Yeah, me and Vincent are gonna be just fine."

"Great! If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to come back and talk to me." said Twilight with a smile.

Jules was already outside, but as Vincent was leaving walking out the door, he turned around spoke up. "Oh, one more thing; Would you happen to know how to teleport between worlds?"

"No, not yet, anyway. Why'd you ask?"

"Just curious, we were trying to learn that, I think we did it wrong and that's how we lost our memories."

"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that, by the way, can you two remember anything else?"

"Nope, thanks for your concern though."

"You're welcome!"

"Thanks again, Twilight," said Jules as he slowly closed the door when Vincent stepped outside. "I appreciate the time you took to help us regain our most important ability."

"My pleasure, Jules!" replied Twilight, satisfied that she helped two ponies in need.

Vincent followed Jules back out into the main square of Ponyville.

"Man, I would have liked to stay there and get to know her better, maybe have a bit of fun with the bitch, know what I mean, Vincent?" said Jules as he lifted a tiny stone using his newfound powers.

"Don't take your mind off the mission, Jules. Let's go get our weapons and find someone who knows more about magic than that Twilight chick. Besides, I bet if we found someone like that, they would know how to get outta here," replied Vincent.

"I guess you're right, lets go."

FOUR MINUTES AND FIFTEEN SECONDS LATER

"WHERE THE FUCK DID OUR WEAPONS GO?!" yelled Jules.

"Hey, man, chill. Marsellus will probably supply us with more," said Vincent, although not very reassuringly, as he knew exactly why Jules was panicking. "Though I don't think you'll need another one since you're retiring, right?"

"Nigga, we're fucked. Those guns are now probably in the wrong hands, if you know what I mean, and not to mention we were supposed to use those in case we ran into some trouble, or that pink freak! Plus, what if they figure out that those guns were ours? I mean, they've probably never seen those before, much like they haven't seen US before, either!"

"Dude, just chill. We'll be out of here before anything can happen, I'm sure."

"You'd better be right. If you aren't, it's your ass, man."

"How is it my ass? It was your idea to leave them there."

"YOU opened the case, dickweed!"

"Alright, alright, sheesh, fine. This is all my fault. What do you think we should do?"

"We're gonna look for those damned pistols. We can't be found out, muthafucka! They could easily link those up with us. Two "shiny things that look dangerous", two new people showing up out of nowhere." Jules noticed hoofprints in the corner of his eye. He turned around and there was a trail of them.

"...Remind me to attend church," Jules remarked.

"Those hoofprints are in a different shape. They look like they'd belong to....a zebra, I think," said Vincent. "Oh, and while you're at it, can I come to the church too? I'd love to be as panicky as you are, man."

"Less talk, more go!" Jules ran in the direction the hoofprints were coming from.

"Wait for me..." said Vincent, exasperated with the situation.

FOURTEEN MINUTES AND TWELVE SECONDS LATER...

"That's gotta be it." said Jules.

The two mobsters arrived at their unexpected destination; A hut in a forest.

"Let's go in." Jules kicked open the front door and trotted his way in. Vincent followed without hesitation.

The duo cold hear a noise somewhere close by. They went upstairs and saw a door that, at first, seemed closed. But upon closer inspection the door wasn't completely shut. The sound was pretty close. It had to be in this room.

"Alright, on the count of three, I'll kick open the door, and you charge into whoever's in there." said Jules.

"Wait, what if there's more than one guy in ther-"

"THREE!"

Jules kicked down the door. There was a lone zebra in there behind a tiny wooden desk. The two pistols were on it. Vincent ran in there, jumped the desk, and landed straight into the zebra, and the two landed in the wall. However, upon jumping over the desk, Vincent's back hooves slid one of the guns off the desk and onto the floor, causing it to shoot when it landed. Unfortunately for the zebra, the pistol was facing him when it landed. His head was on the floor. The bullet blew his head clean off.

Vincent slowly got back on his hooves and stood up. Jules quickly felt a rush of anger and panic wash over him.

"God fucking damn it."

"What? Jules, common, we really can't be blamed for this, we didn't even shoot the son of a bitch!"

"Yes, but don't you think someone's bound to find this, and, oh I don't know, question us? Also, nice bloody coat there, Charming!" Jules pointed his hoof straight at Vincent. Vincent looked down on the front of his body. It was covered in blood, and in the corner of his eye, he could see quite a bit of his body had blood stains on it.

"Shit.....we better get out of here, and I need to find a lake or somethin' to wash off in. Let's grab our pistols and go."

"Wait, don't you think we should move the body?"

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"So that, maybe, the local police force, assuming there is one, will be busy looking for a second body. After all, the corpse here is still bleeding, if we move it to the front door and the police find the blood stains in this room..."

"I guess that's a decent plan. Whatever buys us more time, I guess."

Jules used his magic to grab the corpse, while Vincent got their pistols. The duo ran out of the room, downstairs, and out of the hut. Jules dropped the dead, headless zebra on the front door and the two sped off like no tomorrow. As they were getting out of earshot, they heard a voice that stopped them cold.

"HEY, YOU TWO MOTHERFUCKERS! GET OVER HERE NOW!"

Right outside the front door, there was a yellow unicorn with an orange mane who was wearing a red-and-white checkered vest.

The duo still stood frozen, their minds wracking on what to do now.

"Run." whispered Vincent.

"Stay still, muthafucka. We could tie him to a chair or something. Remember, we can't kill him because the local police would have to find the "second dead body"," quietly replied Jules.

"YOU TWO, GET THE FUCK BACK IN HERE OR I'LL KILL YOUR ASSES ON THE SPOT!"

The duo slowly turned around and trotted back towards the hut. They pointed their guns at the unicorn.

"Your little shiny girl's toys can't do anything to me, buds. I've got a nice invisible reflector shield around me. You see, that's the advantage of being a secluded studier of magic. You learn a lot just from experience. Now, I suggest you two follow me back in here..." A long silver sword with a burgundy handle appeared out of nowhere and was in the grip of the unicorn's magic. "...or you two can have your heads above my fireplace."

Jules fired his gun.

It had no effect on the unicorn.

"Tsk, tsk. Why don't the niggers ever learn?" The unicorn's horn suddenly had a yellow light surrounding it. Two yellow blobs of light shot from the horn and hit the duo. They were immediately knocked out. A few seconds before blacking out, Jules could hear the (most-likely) racist unicorn utter out "I hate stupid brown jackasses like you, they never learn."

THE CHIMMIE SITUATION

Jules slowly stirred awake. He was sitting in a chair, human style. He was also tied to the chair. He looked to his left and saw Vincent was in the same situation, though he was already fully awake. Jules noticed the run-down, unkempt, slowly decomposing hut they were trapped in had the faintest aroma of shit. Perhaps someone doesn't like to flush.

The unicorn came marching downstairs, sword in tow, and stood in front of the two captured mobsters. He looked very determined and stern.

"Ah, I see both of my special guests are finally awake. Tell me your names, both of you."

The duo remained silent, it seemed they were adamant in refusing to give their names. The unicorn pressed the sword close to Jules' neck.

"NAME, PLEASE?!" The unicorn shouted.

"J...Jackson."

"Good, now what's yours?" asked the unicorn as he moved the sword close to Vincent's neck.

"John."

"I see, well, my name is Chimmie. Pleasure to meet you, Jackson and John. Although I'd prefer to call you by your real names, JULES AND VINCENT!"

"Wait, how did you-" Vincent was cut-off mid sentence by Chimmie, who was becoming increasingly irate.

"IT'S SIMPLE, YOUR NAMES AND SKETCHES OF YOUR FACES WERE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF "PONYVILLE DAILY"! "AMNESIA RIDDEN UNICORNS APPEAR IN PUBLIC FOR THE FIRST TIME"! MY ROOMMATE WAS SUBSCRIBED TO "P.D."! DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE MY ROOMMATE?!?!"

The duo suddenly felt really bad stomach cramps.

Chimmie took a deep breath, exhaled, and resumed speaking. "...Or rather, the dead zebra in front of my door?"

"Look, dude, we didn't mean to kill him, our gun just dropp-" Vincent was cut off again by Chimmie, who was now fully enraged.

"SO YOU TWO FILLY-RAPING BASTARDS ADMIT TO KILLING HIM! I THOUGHT SO!!....." Chimmie inhaled then exhaled again. "...Now, you see, this is a hut. This is a place that you are meant to live in when you want to do research in the Everfree Forest for long periods of time. Now, I'm just gonna ask you two a question. When you came trottin' over here, did you notice a sign in the front of this hut that said "Dead Zebra Storage"?"

The duo fell silent again.

"WELL?! DID YOU SEE A MOTHERFUCKING SIGN THAT SAID "DEAD ZEBRA STORAGE" OR NOT?!?!"

"Uh...no?" answered Jules with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"YOU WANNA KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT FUCKING SIGN?!"

Chimmie received no answer, so he decided to answer his own question.

"BECAUSE THIS HUT ISN'T MADE TO STORE DEAD ZEBRAS, AND WHILE I'M AT IT, IT'S NOT MEANT TO STORE DEAD PONIES, EITHER!!....." Chimmie caught himself off-guard as he received less-than-stellar looks from his two new captives. "Now, you see, when someone kills a dear friend of mine, the law of the forest basically states I'm free to avenge that friend in any way I'd like, so long as it be in the forest. So what I'm gonna make you do is spend some time with a little whore I took in a while ago. Let me go get her."

Chimmie took down a large Playmare wallpaper hanging on the wall, revealing another door that led to a room with stairs that led to the basement. When he came back, he was dragging a five-year old female filly with a tattered, unkempt and silver coat into the main room. She was crying. Chimmie kicked her square in the head, with just enough force to make her fly into rails of the stairs. The duo noticed the filly was wearing a black thong that was covered in dried semen, and her mane was almost completely shaven off. Her eyes were very red, presumably from excessive crying. She also had noticeable scars, bruises, and she was limping on her back left leg. The top of her right ear looked like it was bitten off, and there were gnats resting on the flesh. Her nostrils were leaking with blood, and she had dried blood below her nose. Her legs were covered in stained urine, semen, and small amounts of fecal matter. This was the first time in a while that Jules and Vincent were genuinely disgusted, and maybe even a bit worried. Not only for themselves, but also for the (obviously) sexually and physically abused child they were seeing.

"Don't cry, La Violación. I brought two new friends for you to play with. The big nigger over there is just going to force his big nigger stick in you for a while. Doesn't that sound fun?"

"MUTHAFUCKA, I AIN'T RAPIN' A GODDAMNED CHIL-"

"YOU WILL IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOUR COCK CUT CLEAN OFF!"

"It seems YOU'RE the most fucked up dude in this room! What makes you think it's alright to violate this poor kid with your sick-ass desires?! We HAVE standards, bitch!" Jules was very pissed off. Vincent, on the other hand, chose to remain silent throughout the argument.

Chimmie marched straight over to Jules put the non-lethal side of his sword against Jules' chest, and slowly moved it up towards his head. He began to whisper softly into Jules' ear.

"Now, listen carefully, sugar-fly...you give my baby here the thrill of her life, and I'll let you two go..." Chimmie licked the side of Jules' head, slowly and passionately. Jules shuddered and was visibly disgusted. He could feel some odd substance stuck to the side of his head, and it wasn't saliva. "If not, I'll simply...keep your dicks for myself. So...you guys better make a choice." He pulled away from Jules, and stood in front of the tied up murderers, awaiting a response.

There was silence aside from La Violación's soft whimpering. Jules spoke up about two minutes later.

"...Fine. We'll do it."

La Violación started crying loudly.

Chimmie unleashed a twisted, sickening smile of pleasure.

"I suggest you get going," said Chimmie. "My baby here can't wait forever, you know." Using his sword, Chimmie cut the rope that tied Jules in his seat. Jules stood up, slowly making his way toward La Violación.

"I just know this is gonna fuckin' suck," whispered Jules to himself.