Rainbow Dash's memories: "The story of seduction"

Sometimes even I’m surprised at what great thoughts my mind can offer me. And the main thing is - it was easy as can be.

All I needed to do - just locate Twilight’s hideout and then unload a whole set of my incredibly awesomeness and sexyness. She will beg to receive it from one glance of me, I'll make sure of it.

Well, after few contacts with my old partners and lovers, I found out that this unicorn with brain bibliophilia syndrome lived and worked in the Golden Oak - our local library. The whole situation starting to freak me out - it’s like giving a foal an unlimited access to a candy shop. But in addition, following Twilight’s puberty she’s very likely to become incredibly horny every time she enters the library, surrounded with the hundreds of books. I can play on it too, maybe. We’ll see.

On the next day, collected and confident of success, I headed to the library. I prepared my full arsenal of seductive phrases and actions to be unloaded without remote on the hapless pony, who insulted me with her outrageous indifference. Nopony even had a chance to stand against me, when I was using these means. On average, they were ready to jump into my bed after half of minute or so.

It’s a good thing that I knew the town as well as it was - I’ve never been in the library before. I don’t need it; In fact I wouldn’t read a book even under pain of death. The “Death before dishonor” principle fits me just fine.

Finally I reached the point of my destination. It was a huge tree-like house with a signboard, showing that it’s an actual library and just not a random house of some pony, who has an obsession with nature. Although... an addiction to the books might count too.

I hesitated near the door, before raising a hoof and gently knocking. Focus, Rainbow! She’s just a nerd who probably doesn’t even know where foals come from.

You can handle this.

Nodding to my thoughts, I took a deep breath and started to wait the answer. I’m glad there wasn’t some fancy house protection system, which many geeks love to add to their houses. I do not relish the prospect of cleaning my feathers and fur from various sticky things. Even kicking a flank of an idiot who made the thing do that to me would barely satisfy me. In the majority of cases, anyw...

Oh, Celestia, give me strength! What the buck is it?!

On the threshold of the library standing something, which only slightly reminded me of that unicorn. This “creature” had a huge domic-like thing with a bulbs and wares all over it on it’s head, a surface, from which I could barely recognize a purple coat, and absolutely wild stare of the bloodshot eyes with almost no signs of pupils. Her glance kinda reminded me the one from some colt, who was browsing dirty journals all night long. Only the addiction was stronger in hard times. I wondered if she could still see things...

I needed to say something. Her spooky appearance stunned me long enough as it is.

“Um... hi there... again. I’m Rain-”

I didn’t had a chance to continue the phrase. This victim of the insane vivisector backed away and yelled as if she was a manticora mortally wounded with a cucumber:

“Aah! A talking horse!”

W-what?..

Behind her I saw a small lizard-like creature with a scales and claws. A baby dragon.

That’s it. My sense, which allowed me to be surprised saluted and jumped out of the window.

In the meantime the new character in our play, worthy of the best loony bins of all of Equestria gave me an evaluating gaze and said to the still shaking unicorn:

“Twilight, did you forget again? You’re living in a country populated with talking horses.”

“Buck, living is so scary!”

I was kinda lost for a moment. What’s going on in here? Who are all these peop... poni... drag... whatever.

What the heck I’m doing here?!

Okay, pull yourself together, Dash! You have had worse... I hope.

“Em... so. I was passing by and decided to pay a visit, and... I’m here. Yeah.”

Clap-clap-clap. That was my subconscious applauded to me. Bravo, Dash - you screwed the things up even before a bed stage.

The unicorn finally recovered from the dreadful realisation and was able to perceive the reality more or less adequate. At least I counted on it.

“So you’re here, to take a book, right? Or do you want something different?”

“I... well, yeah. I would like to take something to read.”

She nodded and allowed me to come inside. I entered the library, already perceiving an indignant cry from my distressful pride. I’m sorry, okay?! But end justifies the means. We’re at the seduction war, where all ways are good, if it’s helping to defeat the enemy and forcing him to fall in my awesomeness. I promise, after I’ll pull this miscarriage creation of the nature in my bed, I’ll shave my head, shower with the ash and go to some monk’s clan to atone for the sins of crossing the threshold of the most forbidden building for me.

The library.

I expected to see anything. Literally anything. This unicorn cruelly executed my ability to wonder. But this...

Everything was in a perfect order. All books, scrolls and other Tartarean things were placed on the shells with a numbers on them. The floor was cleaned out so good as if it was licked by the bunch of ponies with the weird fetish of surface licking. Even the windows were shiny and transparent. Not like mine though, through which I can barely see the sun, only if I use my imagination on full strength.

“Well, what area of knowledge interests you the most? Geography, history, culture? Or maybe you’re looking for the adventure novels?” asked the unicorn, finally removing her mad scientist’s headdress, revealing the crow's nest that was her mane. Don’t get me wrong - I’m not a fashion maiden and my mane was messy as well, but... even I have some code about my appearance. She didn't have that at all.

I was trying to think of something. I needed to tell her a book’s title I wanted to distract her for a while and buy some time to remember my ways of pony seduction, which I successfully forgot during the recent scene.

“Maybe... the last one? An adventure book? Yeah, this is what I need. Gimme something like that.”

“How about Daring Do’s adventures? Many ponies these days like it”.

I nodded. Daring-Shmaring, whatever. Just leave already and allow me to come up with something dishy!

She did exactly that. I sighed with relief and mentally kicked my mind in order to force this lazy beast to work. I needed a clear, simple plan - straight like a path to insanity, which I will take if I’ll stay in the library for too long.

“Here you go. It’s the first book of the series. I’ll gladly give the second, when you finish it.” The unicorn returned, carrying a green-covered book in the magic embrace, on which was drawn a sand-coated pegasus with bandaged wings, holding on the rope.

I nodded again, immediately forgetting about the book. Time to act!

“So, as I heard yesterday, your name is Twilight, huh?” I started, showing her my best bedroom eyes. “A great name, I must admit. Reminds me of something really nice, if you know, what I mean...”

She blinked, obviously confused.

I continued, “You know... twilight, late evening, a candle, twosome...”

Now I was awarded with a glance of the sheep, staring at the zeppelin. Out of the corner of my eye I saw that baby dragon, laughing his scaly rear out. My patience, don’t leave me! At least not right now...

I decided to act more aggressive. I come closer to her, then took the most attractive pose I could and shook my hips a little. Anypony would have a cardiorrhexis from such a spectacle; but they’d die happy as could be.

But this frigid thing continued to play unconcern.

It's time to bring out the big guns. I leaned toward her and whispered directly in her ear. “You. Me. Date. Now.”

Finally I saw a spark of life in her eyes. She livened a little and suddenly stormed out.

I proudly looked around. Finally. Nopony could avoid Rainbow Dash’s awesomeness and sexyness! Nopo... ouch!

I jumped up to the air and remained there, holding my sensitive hoof, which had a fresh cut. Celestia’s butt, what the hay just happened?!

Under me was Twilight, holding some device in a magic grape, comparing to which an ancient tools for questioning looked like a kid’s toys.

“Whoops, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cause you too much pain. I just took your blood sample to analyze it. You know - if we communicate in close way I want to make sure you have no infectious diseases which could affect me as well.”

Then I finally felt that I could not stand it anymore, and dashed off in a blink of the eye. I could barely hear the dragon’s remark: “Twilight, continue acting like this and you’ll die as an superannuated virgin.”

Baby my flank...

After some time I finally calmed down. In the end, that mare doesn’t seems like to have extreme sexual fetishes or something similar. Maybe I should return and...

No. Too dangerous. And anyway, I already saw that my tactics are futile. She didn’t get excited because of me. My seductive poses were for nothing.

It was darn hard to accept, but seems like I’m not interesting to her as a bed companion. She was asocial to even recognize something like this. Much less, accept it.

What should I do? I didn’t even want to think about giving up. Rainbow Dash never give up, even in a hopeless situation. But she could ask for a little help, if things were really messed up.

Of course! My friends! Faithful and devilishly cunning, they undoubtedly have something in the store which will conquer that insubordinate unicorn once and for all...

* * *

“Alright, well to start with you should definitely treat her like a real lady. Give her a full set; a gorgeous bouquet of roses, tell her flattering comments, ask her out to some glorious restaurant...”

“Ugh... can’t I just grab her and, ya know, *unf unf*?”

Rarity signed, “Only the grave will cure you, Rainbow Dash.”

* * *

“Well, maybe you should just tell her honestly how you feel?”

“Applejack, first of all; I have no feelings toward her. This is about a principle. And second; I tried to ask her out already. She took a blood sample from me so she could check if I had some stupid infectious diseases, or something!”

"Well... knowin' you, RD, Ah can't rightly say she ain't got a point."

“GRRR!”

* * *

“Um... but isn’t it... too insensitive, maybe?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well... trying to ask pony out just to... pull her to your bedroom...”

“It’s who I am, Fluttershy. And I like my way of life too much to change myself. Say rather, can you give me an advice?”

“Mmm... present her a pet?”

I facehoofed. Why did I even come here?

* * *

“Oh, I know! Let’s throw a party and invite her! It’ll be super-fun!”

“I’m not looking for fun, Pinkie. All I want is to seduce that stubborn unicorn, that’s all.”

“Then I’ll dress like a highwaypony and will threaten her, and in the most hopeless moment you will come and save her!”

“Uh...”

“WAIT! There’s a better opinion! I’ll bake a huge cake, and deliver it to her as a present from an anonymous admirer! And when she’s about to eat it, you'll jump out of it and tell that you were that mysterious admirer!”

“Hehe...Pinkie, I’m...”

“No! Even a better idea! You should take her to the air jaunt and show her everything from above! And when she becomes fascinated, you should give her a love confession!”

I quickly darted out.

* * *

...or not.

Seems like I’m on my own. But I’m not worrying at all. I’m Rainbow Dash - the pony, who literally emits amazing coolness and awesome sexyness! I’ll can handle it.

R-right?..