Under Pressure

Big Macintosh’s eyes shot open. He felt highly disoriented. It took him some time to figure out where he was and what

was going on. He looked around blankly, his mind struggling to reboot after his violent sleep.

Night had fallen. The sun had been so cruel before day’s leave, but now, the night air cooled the land, and the moon shone brightly in the sky.

The moon… Princess Luna!

“Dammit!” His scream of frustrated failure bellowed through the field outside of the trench he’d earlier climbed out of. She was right there! I coulda been rescued! Why’d I have ta wake up?! He wanted so badly to be finished with his struggles. It seemed, however, that he had much time before he would be done with his misadventure. With his previous hope of rescue gone, he would have to find a way to drag his heavily battered body back to civilization.

His nose scrunched as he struggled to remember his drunken journey. Ah musta gone `bout seven miles or so before ah got hurt, he thought to himself. Not too tough a walk, but it’ll be miserable tryin ta get back in the shape I’m in.

His stomach growled angrily in hunger. Welp, I’d better get movin before ah starve ta death. He tried to stand, but couldn’t lift himself more than an inch before falling back to the ground in failure. He sighed.

Least I’m in a better situation than I was a few hours ago. He glanced back into the rocky chasm. Darkness so thick it seemed to leak out from within tested his bravery. Though Big Macintosh wasn’t a pony to be easily intimidated, especially by something as harmless as darkness, he couldn’t fight the terror that engulfed his soul and tested his nerves as he stared inside. Images of Pixie were sharp and vivid in his mind.

He looked away. He wasn’t going to allow himself to be distracted. He needed to get home. He needed to fix things. I got ta make things right… somehow.

With a huff, he began dragging himself through the dirt of the trail he’d taken to get there the previous day. It ran on beside the mountain for clear over a mile. In the distance, he could see it bearing to the left and dissecting a seemingly-endless field in two.

He continued at a sluggish pace down the trail. He could hardly move his hind legs anymore, leaving his front legs his only means of movement. His ribs would crack every time he pulled himself forward, sending fire throughout the inside of his back and chest. Already it was proving to be a miserable Journey for the stallion, and he hadn’t gone more than a few yards. His coat was so riddled with filth that the dark red shade it once was had been replaced with a gritty grayish-brown. His face was smudged with dirt as well, and his mane was frazzled and unkempt. Rebellious strands of hair decided to ignore the rules of gravity.

Dried blood made the fur under his nose and around his mouth hard and rigid. His back and hind-quarters were covered in cuts and scrapes from the rockslide, and his tail looked like the bristles of a witch-pony’s broom.

Tears began to flow from Big Mac. He wasn’t sad. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t breaking down and losing control of his emotions. He just felt helpless. Everything that had happened to him the past few days had him shaken up. Normally a tall, strong, and independent pony, he now crawled through the dirt, too weak to stand. He was in such a fragile state; any predator could pick him off with ease. Worst of all, his friends and family needed him more than ever before, but he couldn’t be there for them.

Can ah even call mahself a friend? Can ah call mahself a brother, even? He felt as though he’d let down so many ponies.

With several miles left to go, he allowed the sour memories of his past to replay in his head.

***

“She still hasn’t responded. I don’t get it, Rarity. She told me she loved me! She said I was like a brother to her. How can she just ignore me? How can she ignore US?!” Spike’s voice trembled as his final syllable left his mouth. He looked down at the ground in obvious frustration. “I don’t believe this. I KNOW Twilight. I know her better than anypony! She’d never forget her friends! She must be in trouble! Rarity, can we pleeeeease go to the castle, again?”

Rarity set her hairbrush on her makeup table and sighed. She knew how much trouble Twilight’s absence would bring Spike, and she tried to convince herself she was ready for it, but the sight of the tiny dragon’s broken heart tested her emotional control. It was quite stressful for her seeing her now-closest-friend going through so much pain. She wanted to tell Spike that it was a lost cause, for she truly believed it was. She just didn’t have it in her to tell him that his closest friend and only family left him behind and forgot about him.

“Spike, dearest”, she said empathetically after a brief hesitation. “I would love to take you to Canterlot to see her, but I have far too many projects to complete, right now. Besides, I highly doubt the guards would simply let us waltz on through. You remember how rude they were last time, don’t you?”

She glanced in her heart-shaped mirror to spot his let-down reaction. Spike had been having episodes of Twilight-withdrawal every few days or so since she’d left. Rarity had never seen such a loyal companion in all her days. Spike would give anything for Twilight, even his own life, and all she’d ever have to do is ask. She’d tried to console him several times, but it only led to Spike trying harder to get in touch with her. Rarity found that assigning him with small tasks helped him to get his mind off his troubles, and he’d usually perk right up.

“Spike, dear, you simply must get your mind off of Twilight for a while. Don’t you see you’re tearing yourself apart?” Spike responded only with a lame shrug. Rarity turned to look at the dragon in the eye. He always seemed to lighten up a bit when she gave him some kind of personal connection. “Spiiikeyy, I’m hungry. I don’t suppose you’d want to whip up a couple eggs and have breakfast with me, would you?” She finished with the cutest pouty lip she could muster.

As always, Spike agreed, nodding at her in his mesmerized state. “Anything for you, Rarity.” He merrily skipped toward the kitchen when the front door slammed open, causing a rack of dresses to fall to the floor. The pony and the dragon whipped their heads around to identify the violently interrupting mare. Applejack dashed inside toward Rarity.

Rarity was speechless. She hadn’t even heard from any of her other friends for quite some time. Applejack’s presence, as well as her sudden brashness, was quite a shock.

“My word! What has gotten into you, Applejack?!” Applejack barely waited for her to finish before replying in a rushed manor.

“It’s Pinkie Pie!” Rarity just now noticed that the orange mare’s cheeks were dark red. She looked as though she’d been crying.

“Oh my goodness, is everything alright, dear?” Even though the group had fallen apart, she felt worry and fear boiling within her as she looked into her old friend’s eyes.

“Pinkie’s in the hospital! Sumthin terrible’s happened!” Rarity and Spike exchanged worried glances and, in unison, returned their gazes to Applejack. “The girls `er all there. Come on, she needs us, right now!”

Rarity’s mind was flipping through hoops. A title wave of mixed concern and confusion washed over her. What in Equestria is going on? After months of not speaking and now THIS? And what’s wrong with Pinkie Pie? Rarity was heavily conflicted. She didn’t understand what was going on. She did know one thing, though. Pinkie Pie was in trouble, and she had to get there by her side.

Feeling as though something had reawakened within her, she nodded at Spike, who climbed on her back. The three took off, exiting the boutique and sprinting through Ponyville. Ponies going about their days watched them in surprise and confusion as they raced toward the hospital. Their stares didn’t linger very long, however, because unlike them, they were completely unaware of a tragedy taking place.

The run seemed to last for a long time, but eventually they made it. Once inside, Applejack trotted past the lobby down the hall, looking back and thrusting her nose in front of her, indicating that Rarity should follow. The receptionist nodded from behind her desk in approval. Rarity followed. Spike leaned forward on her in nervous anticipation. She could feel his heart beating faster as his chest rested on her nape.

Applejack turned a corner and entered a set of double-doors with a lit sign above reading, 'INTENSIVE CARE'. Rarity’s eyes lit up as she saw it. Her heart-rate accelerated through the roof. She could feel tears trying to force their way out. She ran to catch up with Applejack. Together, the three entered the first door on the left labeled, “IC102”. If Rarity hadn’t been confused enough, already, the next sight she ingested did it, for sure.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were standing on either side of Big Macintosh, rubbing his back. They appeared as though they were trying to console him. Cheerilee stood in the corner of the room watching, helplessly. Big Mac was sitting next to a bulky hospital bed staring straight down with a look of deep shame and great loss. He looked as though his soul had been shattered to pieces. Lying disturbingly motionless on the wide hospital bed in front of him was Pinkie Pie. She bore a respirator that breathed for her. She had an IV sticking out of her left foreleg. There were about a dozen electric wires attached to small suction cups placed miscellaneously over Pinkie’s body. The other end of the wires connected to a heart monitor, which flooded the room with the rhythmic beat of Pinkie Pie’s heart.

Rarity was stunned. Both hers and Spike’s jaws hung limply as they absorbed the drama of the scene they had walked in on. She Spotted Applejacks eye on her from her peripherals.

“Oh my lord, Applejack! What in Equestria happened?!” Rarity was ready to lose her composure. The fear of losing a loved one she’d ignored so crudely viciously violated her conscience, and the thought of losing her without getting to say she was sorry was threatening to force tears out.

Big Macintosh sniffled loudly as she finished her question. “AH DID THIS”, he shouted. “It’s all mah fault! It was me. It’s mah fault…”

The sudden outburst startled her. She looked back at applejack to inquire. “Ah don’t know, sugarcube. That’s all he’s been sayin since ah showed up. He can’t seem ta spit it out.” Big Mac continued to stare at the floor beside his fallen comrade.

“S… so…”, Rarity stuttered. “What happened?”

Applejack looked away from rarity and squeezed her eyes shut. It appeared as though Applejack couldn’t force herself to get it out. Rarity had sympathy for her friend, but her growing confusion made her fear grow more and more. She stared at Applejack intently until Cheerilee intervened.

“Rarity”, she started as she approached the beautiful white mare. “Pinkie Pie… Pinkie attempted suicide late last night.”

“Whaaat?” Rarity was speechless. Her eyes opened wide and her jaw hung in astonishment. She could feel Spike’s small, warm claw rubbing her neck, trying to keep her calm.

“I’m so sorry, dear”, Cheerilee continued, sympathetically. “I had gone to Apple Acres to find Big Macintosh, but he wasn’t there. While I was having a conversation with Applejack, Derpy flew in and delivered a letter from the hospital, telling us they were here.”

Applejack was starting to cry. It was becoming ever more apparent that everypony else was just as confused as Rarity.

“But”, Rarity said, hushing her tone, slightly. “How did she do it?” She couldn’t help but notice that Pinkie didn’t have any visible scars or bruises.

Cheerilee hesitated. “well… um… you see…” She just couldn’t seem to find the words.

Rainbow Dash left her place beside Big Mac and approached them, as well. Rarity felt a combination of satisfaction and unease. Rainbow Dash was always direct. Sometimes, however, she was too direct.

“She overdosed”, Rainbow said, flatly.

Rarity could feel her heart sinking. “Overdosed? What did she overdose on?”

Rainbow began to tremble. She valued herself a strong, invincible pony, and she could never let her tears be shown. Rarity definitely spotted that she was struggling, though, so she didn’t push. Instead, she waited patiently, trying to give her a reassuring look.

“The doctors don’t know, but they think it was a heart medication. Pinkie is suffering from heart and liver failure.” Rainbow’s unemotional and unusually factual tone made Rarity’s concern skyrocket. It was too out of her character. She’d never seen rainbow quite like that, before.

“… How much did she take?” Rarity was unsure she even wanted to know, but her concern was too great to not ask.

“Four bottles full, okay?! Jeez, how many times are we going to have to go over this, today? Are you up to speed, yet, Rarity?! Huh?!” At this, Rainbow broke down. She cried so hard that the strength in her legs seemed to vanish. She fell to the floor and wept, the sorrow too much for her to handle.

Rarity should have known Rainbow might react like this. Rainbow Dash, The Loyal. She would have traded places with Pinkie Pie in a heart-beat. Rarity recalled how close Rainbow and Pinkie had become after several prank-pulling fiascos. Together, the two mares had spread good-humored ribbing throughout ponyville, bonding closer than any of the others had. There was something more, though. Rainbow didn’t look at Pinkie like a concerned friend. She glanced at her in a way that was more loving. Rarity didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but she suspected that there was something there, and the way rainbow was falling apart expressed more intensity and passion than Rarity realized Rainbow was capable of.

Rarity knelt down to embrace rainbow in a loving hug, but rainbow shoved her away with startling aggression.

“Back off!” Rainbow Dash shouted loudly enough to startle everypony in the room. All but Big Mac, that is. There were a couple orderlies that peaked around the corner through the door to see what was going on.

Rainbow Dash stood up and continued. “You’ve been gone, Rarity! It’s not some big secret that NONE of us are even FRIENDS anymore! You’re not going to just waltz up in here and expect our old relationships to just carry on as if nothing had even happened!” She started pacing back and forth carrying a deep scowl. Her flowing tears disappeared behind her bared teeth. “Why are you even here? Why are any of us besides Big Macintosh and Cheerilee here? Those are Pinkie’s friends, now! We abandoned her, and we abandoned each other!”

“I’VE HAD ENOUGH!” Big Macintosh’s ferocious growl startled everypony back into reality. After such silence, nopony expected him to chime in. Fluttershy, who had still been rubbing his back to console him, let out a high-pitched squeal as his bark caused her to jump several inches into the air.

“Y’all abandoned each other! Not a single one of ya even DESERVE ta be here bah Pinkie’s side! Why don’t y’all stop talkin `bout it and just LEAVE!?”

“Excuse me”, one of the orderlies chimed in. The two ponies that had been peeking around the corner had entered the room and approached the heated situation. The orderly continued. “This is a hospital. I don’t know what this dispute is about, but you’ll have to take it outside!” He ended his order with finality.

Rainbow Dash looked shocked. “What?! But we’re Pinkie’s friends! You can’t just kick us out! Please, don’t make me leave her…”, Rainbow Dash exclaimed. The orderly who’d given the order to leave looked unfaltered, however, his female counterpart expressed a different sensitivity toward the friends.

“I’m very sorry, darling, but we’ve already been given our orders to ask you to leave. You can come back and visit tomorrow, if you’d like. So long as you keep your voices down.”

Rainbow Dash looked at the ground and sighed in defeat. One by one, the ponies in the room left Pinkie’s side to rendezvous in the lobby.

Rarity sat in the corner, motionlessly staring at Pinkie Pie. How can this be happening, she thought to herself. Everything was so normal, yesterday, and now it seems as if the world is falling apart. All other ponies had left the room besides rarity and her faithful dragon-friend. The orderlies looked at her expectantly.

She glanced it Pinkie once more before taking her leave. Pinkie, darling, I’m so, so sorry… Rarity turned and walked out the room, trying desperately not to glance back, again.

She walked down the hall, making her way back to the lobby at a turtle’s pace.

“Are you okay, Rarity?” Spike expressed deep concern in his voice.

“I don’t know, Spikey. This is all so confusing. I still feel… quite shocked.” Spike leaned forward and gave Rarity a warm, compassionate hug around her neck. She only stopped for a moment to take warmth in the embrace, and then picked up her pace toward the lobby.

Once she turned the last corner into the lobby, the arguing picked right back up where it had left off. Rainbow Dash spoke up, first.

“This is all YOUR fault!” She pointed an accusing hoof at Big Macintosh, who only scowled. “You just couldn’t keep your big yap shut, could you?!” She snorted out her nose in frustration. Rarity couldn’t say she was surprised by her. Rainbow always had been rowdy. Of all the ponies to be caught in such a dispute, however, Big Macintosh was the last possible pony Rarity would ever expect.

“I’m not gonna sit here and listen ta this”, Big Mac said, firmly. He turned to walk away, but was met by Rainbow Dash, who had flown around him in an attempt to block his exit.

“Oh no you don’t”, she said. ”You don’t get to just walk off like that! You answer me! What’s your problem, huh?! What’d you do to Pinkie Pie?!”

Big Mac’s nostrils flared. His eyes burst open wide, and his brow lowered. He was obviously livid. Rainbow Dash sunk to the floor and hunched down, for she knew she’d made a big mistake. Big Macintosh was a huge stallion, and his anger was unsettling.

“Rainbow…”, he started. “Ya think yer the only pony that matters don’t ya?! This may come as a shock to ya, but yer NOT the most important pony in Equestria! So why don’t ya step off your high pedestal before ya really start PISSIN me OFF!?”

His voice was booming. Rainbow tried not to look intimidated, but it was hard to look fearless while crouched low on shaking legs. Applejack decided to step in.

“Now ya just hold on there, mister!” Her voice was more aggressive than it was defensive. Rarity cringed. She knew Applejack was only going to stir the pot. She continued. “Ya remember gvin me that ‘lecture’ on friends? Well, look at ya, now! Yer sittin here screamin at our friends! I knew ya didn’t know what ya were talkin bout! Ya OBVIOUSLY weren’t much more help ta Pinkie than I was!”

“Ya shut yer filthy lilpie hole!” Big Macintosh had lost it. His anger exploded, violently, causing the mares to quake before him. “Y’all lil floozies think yer SO special?! Ya wanna know what AH did ta Pinkie?! FINE! I’ll tell ya! I tried to console er. She did this cuzer FRIENDS abandoned `er! This is ALL YOUR FAULTS! That’s why none of ya deserve to be here! Y’all are murderers! Ya hear?! Every last one of ya!”

He breathed heavily as he finished his grilling. He expected a battle, but to his surprise, nopony rebutted. Applejack stared her big brother down for a long moment. Her expression was unreadable. Then, her lips started to tremble, and a tear began to escape her eye. She hid her face behind the brim of her country-mare hat. Without another word, she left the hospital with her head hung low in shame and betrayal.

All else stared, shocked at the aggressive stallion. Nopony knew what to say to diffuse the situation. Rainbow Dash looked around awkwardly then followed Applejack out without a word. Rarity didn’t know what to say, so she only watched the scene in astonishment. Spike had hopped off of her back and now stood in front of her, as if to defend her if the stallion grew any more aggressive.

Cheerilee, who had been very silent up till this point, stepped forward to confront him. Cheerilee was closest to Big Macintosh, so if anypony knew what to say to defuse him, it was her.

“Big Macintosh!” Her raised voice was surprising. She was generally calm and peaceful. “I’m surprised at you! I don’t know what’s gotten into you, lately, but this isn’t like you, at all! What happened to Pinkie Pie was not your fault, but it’s not right of you to put the blame on your sister or your friends. I… I have a lot to think about.”

Big Mac shook his head as if waking from a trance.

“Wait, what are ya sayin, Cheerilee?”

She looked at him with disappointment. “Big Macintosh, I don’t know if I feel comfortable spending my days with a stallion who treats his friends and family with such little regard.”

“But…” Big Mac struggled to find words. “Are ya sayin ya don’t wanna be mah friend, anymore?”

Cheerilee thought deeply for a moment before she responded. “I just need time to think.” Just as the two mares before her had, she hung her head low and took her exit.

Now, it was Fluttershy’s turn. She went to walk out the door, but she first stopped and looked Big Macintosh in the eye. Fluttershy approached him, shyly, leaned in very close to him, and whispered something in his ear. Rarity didn’t know what she said, but whatever it was seemed to really surprise him. He looked at her in mild confusion. She looked away shyly and took her leave, leaving only Big Mac, Rarity, and Spike left in the lobby.

Rarity let her mind work for a moment before she made an action.

I never was particularly close with Big Macintosh, but he really seems like he needs a friend, right now. Could I say something to him without triggering another episode, though? She pondered for a moment. I suppose it’s worth a shot. How else am I going to find out what’s going on, here?

“Spike, my dear”, Rarity said. “Could you be so kind as to wait for me outside?” Spike turned to look at her. His expression carried worry and surprise.

“But Rarity! I don’t want to leave you. What if he gets mad again?” Big Macintosh looked away from the two, seeming to feel shame at what he’d done.

“Don’t worry Spikey”, said Rarity. “ I’ll be outside to meet you in five minutes.” Spike looked at her questioningly, but eventually nodded and walked out the lobby doors, submissively.

Big Macintosh focused his gaze on Rarity, having no idea if she was about to talk to him, or grill him, heatedly for treating his friends so poorly. Rarity walked up to him, stopping and sitting in front of him when she was mere inches away. She pointed her nose at the floor and then looked back up at Big Mac. He obliged and took a seat.

“Big Mac, Deary, you know I consider you a friend, yes?” Big Macintosh nodded at her in response. “Good. Now, as your friend, I see that you’re going through a very difficult time. This simply isn’t like you, darling. So what on earth has gotten into you?”

Big Mac didn’t say anything. He shook his head as if to say he didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. Rarity, however, persisted.

“Come now, Big Macintosh, you’re never going to feel better until you get this off your chest, whatever it may be.” Big Mac nodded his head. It took several moments, but he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“Ah feel like this is all mah fault. Pinkie did this cuz ah left er, last night. Thing’save been rough all over since Twilight left. Ah never woulda knew her leavin would destroy everypony like this…” He trailed off.

Rarity couldn’t help but feel guilty. She had never made an effort to keep the group together. She had abandoned Pinkie Pie just like the rest had. She was partially responsible for what was happening to her friends.

“Big Mac… I’m sorry. You’re absolutely right. We never should have let this come between us. We weren’t there, before, but now we can be. We all know what we did wrong, so we can make sure we stick together and do what we can to help Pinkie, now.” Big Mac looked unappeased. “I hope you at least know that no matter what, you don’t have to go through this alone. You just need to reach out. I promise you, there will always be somepony reaching back.”

Big Macintosh remained silent, but Rarity could tell that he was pondering her words. I think that’s about all I can really offer in this situation, anyhow, she decided. She stood up and gave Big Mac a friend-to-friend kiss on the cheek, and exited the hospital.