Journal of the Alchemist

Thursday, June 22, Year 1000 of Our Lord

Some of yesterday’s celebration is still going on, but I think they’ve finally lost their energy. What with all the noise, I couldn’t concentrate enough to experiment. The commotion even bothered Cobalt, and he lives more on the outskirts of Ponyville, while I live close to the centre. Cobalt chose to spend the day visiting relatives in Canterlot, since it’s just a short train ride away. Starblossom has vanished again, but I didn’t really expect to see her. Sugar and I got a good night’s sleep and picnicked in the Everfree. It’s a nice quiet place to go, since most ponies are too scared to even go close to the forest. They’re all silly; the Everfree is as safe as Ponyville, if you know what to expect.

Take, for instance, the flora: just because they don’t require an earth pony’s touch to grow doesn’t mean they’re twisted. After all, Sweet Apple Acres’ zap apples came from the forest, and everypony in town loves those (leading me to suspect a possible mind-altering substance in the apples? I tried to get a sample last season, but those apples never seem to last long enough to test on. They’re just so good!), not to mention all of the herbs I use in potions and the spices that Sugar puts in salad dressings both come from the forest. Mind you, the stuff can be downright dangerous to get, but proper safety precautions minimize that risk (I’ve only hurt myself twice in the Everfree! Mostly by not looking when I was going...).

The fauna of the Everfree can also be quite friendly and hospitable. Just because somepony got scared by the odd timberwolf, or caught a glimpse of a sea serpent, everypony treats the forest as some sort of taboo place. For instance, there’s this one variety of bird which I SWEAR is nicer than any bird has any right to be. They’re all bright red, and will eat seeds right out of your hoof! Even when I first set hoof into this place, still shaking from imagined fright, these birds (which I named “jubblies” because they look so fat) landed all around me and started twittering birdsong!

At least not everypony is scared by the Everfree. Sugar and I go there regularly to gather the aforementioned herbs and spices, and Cobalt has come to more than one of our picnics. Anyway, enough ranting about the taboos of Ponyville, I’m anxious to tell what Sugar and I did. I don’t remember it all, but it started with Sugar asking me a question after we’d set down a blanket and opened a basket of snacks (apple juice and daisy sandwiches, as I remember).

“Storm,” She started, “What do you think of Starblossom?”

That was a weighty question, and one that I’d been deliberating more and more on since yesterday’s odd behavior from her. I took a bite from a sandwich, and replied:

“I think that she could be cute if she did her mane up a bit.”

“Storm, I’m serious.”

“So am I, sweet-heart!” I stuck my tongue out at her. “But for real, I’m not sure what to think about Starblossom, especially after how... Random she was yesterday. She talked as if she already knew what was happening, before it happened.”

Sugar grimaced. “That’s what I was confused about, too. She might be a unicorn, but I can’t imagine anypony, even Celestia herself, could cast a spell to see into the future.”

“I’m not the best authority on magic,” I admitted. Potions and alchemy were really more my thing. “But from what Cobalt has told me, magic is like pony’s strength; casting a spell saps your stamina, and ponies with strong bodies can cast stronger spells, and hold them for longer. That’s why he can’t use a powerful spell like scrying more than a hoof-full of times before tiring out.”

“And Starblossom isn’t exactly a strongmare.” Heart finished my thought.

“Exactly,” I agreed. “But if she didn’t use magic, how else could she know the future?”

“Well...” Heart began, looking a bit guilty.

“Oh, no. You’re not suggesting...” I stood up, spilling my apple juice. “You know I can’t stand her when she’s in that character!”

“Hey, she acts much the same as Starblossom did last night,” Sugar tried to reason. “Maybe the two are related.”

It took quite a bit more arguing, and a couple promises, but that’s how I found myself at “Madame Pinkie’s Tent”. Now, I love Pinkie; everypony does. But I like her when she’s throwing parties and making ponies smile. “Madame Pinkie” was a character that I just couldn’t stand, and not because it flies in the face of science and reason that Pinkie’s predictions often turned out to be right. No, I just hated how she acted all serious and mysterious, and completely failed, in an unflattering way. A bit of a petty squabble, but it annoyed me so much, it took even more momentum to bring myself to enter the tent. And when I say “momentum”, I mean Sugar shoved me inside and sat me down on a cushion. Pinkie, as usual, was late, so we sat in the darkness of the tent for a few minutes before we heard a voice calling.

“Whooooo dares disturb Madame Pinkieeeee?” It spoke.

“Pinkie?” Sugar asked. “It’s Sugar Heart and Storm Blitz. We seek your, uh, eternal wisdom.”

“Madame Pinkieeee is communing with the spiritsss! OoooOOOh!” The voice sounded like it was coming from under the table. I lifted the tablecloth and saw that Pinkie had made a bed from cushions and drapes underneath, and was curled up in it.

“Pinkie, you’re not communing the the spirits; you’re sleeping under the table.” I said, more than a little exasperated.

Pinkie opened her eyes wide. “Ooh! Welcome to Madame Pinkie’s tent!” She squeaked. “How can I help you today?”

I looked at Sugar, giving her a “what-did-you-expect” look, and said to Pinkie, “One of our friends, Starblossom, has been acting strange lately. What do you know of this?”

Pinkie scooted out from under the table and sat on her gilded cushion, where she looked into the crystal ball that had suddenly appeared on the table. “Madame Pinkie is parting the mists... Yes... She sees...” She drew a large intake of breath. “That this session will cost four bits!” She solemnly said.

Sugar looked at me and mouthed “I don’t have my bit-bag”. Rolling my eyes and sighing, I reached into mine and counted out four bits to hoof over to Pinkie.

“Aha! The spirits are revealing to me your friend Starblossom! They say... She walks through the sands of time, searching for the cacti of life!” Pinkie declared authoritatively. She tapped her crystal ball. “They are also saying that you should give Madame Pinkie a cupcake for her channeling! OoooOOoh!”

“We have a sandwich,” Sugar noted, digging through the picnic basket, “Will that do?”

“The spirits say all signs point to yes!” She grabbed the sandwich and shoved it into her mouth, chewing loudly. When she finished, we found ourselves outside of the tent, a bit confused as to how we had gotten there. “Thank you for your business, come again soon!” Pinkie called through the tent flap. After a few moments, I heard the sound of snoring coming from inside the tent. Pinkie had gone right back to sleep. Typical.

“I still fail to see the point of that venture,” I said, rather irritated at Sugar. “Also, you owe me four bits.”

“Pinkie knows what she’s saying. I think.” Sugar defended.

“‘She walks through the sands of time, searching for the cacti of life’?” I rebutted. “What could that possibly mean, and how could it relate to Starblossom’s oddities?!”

“I don’t know,” She admitted, “But you know Pinkie’s ‘Pinkie Sense’. She’s not often wrong.”

I just shook my head. “I’m tired of this. We’ve had our picnic, and I’ve got some new potions I want to attempt; let’s go home.”

The rest of the night went predictably; I failed the first three potions (which were supposed to lower the effect gravity has on a creature. I hoped it could be used to simulate flying for non-pegasi), and ended up with two more broken vials (the third one now contains an odd blue liquid, high in viscosity. More testing is required) for my efforts. Sugar likes watching me mix the potions, so she came in with me, staying up late as I did. She says she likes the colours and the “fancy” puffs of smoke and sparks that sometimes happen when I combine ingredients. I’m surprised that it took me so long to mix up only three (failed) vials of this potion, but I suppose it has got a lot of material that must be handled carefully, so that must have taken the time without me noticing it pasing. Even if my first few attempts failed, I’m nothing if not stubborn, so I’ll keep trying tomorrow until I succeed.

Friday, June 23, Year 1000 of Our Lord

I’m writing this at late so pardon the stuff. Potion semi-semi-semi-failed. Not gravity, but mass was changed. Not the same result. Test subject faired... Poorly. Really late now. Gonna go sleep finally.

Saturday, June 24, Year 1000 of Our Lord

Wow, I was really tired last night if that was the best I could write. To clarify, a bit after sunset, I was finishing my last attempt at the gravity-altering potion. It was going very well, and when the last ingredient was added (a dab of cloud. Odd how so many recipes contain cloud or pegasus feathers), I thought I’d finally gotten all the measurements right. I wasn’t sure, though, so I tested it on an inanimate object (one of my wooden chairs) rather than a living one. When I poured the potion’s contents onto the chair, I expected the force of gravity exerted upon said chair to lessen, but instead it lowered the MASS of the object.

I’m sure everypony knows that gravity and mass are different things; gravity give mass weight, while mass is just the measure of matter that an object contains. Changing the gravity on a sphere whose mass was 10kg so that it only weighed a half of that is fine. But halving the MASS of that sphere means taking away actual matter, rather than invisible force. In laypony’s terms: take away half a chair’s mass, and you don’t have a chair anymore. You’ve got a somewhat tasteful modern art piece. I’ve put what remained of the potion in my dangerous chemicals vault, and sold the half-chair to an art collector who conveniently passed through town today.

Also today: that unicorn from Canterlot, Twilight Sparkle, got two tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala somehow. She must have had the Princess send them to her; tickets aren’t for sale for another week (speaking of which, I bribed a ticketmaster for priority service. Guess who’s getting their tickets? Storm Blitz is!). Most of the day was too hectic to do much of anything, what with so many ponies coming into my house to see if Twilight Sparkle hid inside (oh, did I mention that the entire town was chasing her, trying to secure that extra ticket? Now I have). In what little time I had, I read a bit more of my new book “The Hardy Colts: Secret of the Red Talon”. It’s about two colts who solve mysteries through one part common knowledge, four parts crazy plot twists, and five parts deus ex machina. Stupid, but hecka entertaining.

Sunday, June 25, Year 1000 of Our Lord

Early apples are growing nicely, so Sugar tells me. She says that at this rate the early harvest will be in July or August. Just in time, too: my dried apple preserves are about to run out. While I’m on the topic of fruit, what I wouldn’t do for a few watermelons right about now. Today has been unseasonably hot, and I’ve always loved watermelon. Cobalt, Sugar, and myself joined some of the townsponies in heading to the local watering hole for a refreshing swim. I suppose one good thing about this town is that it’s inland, so there’s little humidity, which would just make a hot day hotter. It was nice taking a break from alchemy to go out every so often. I’ve been caught up with the work for the past few days, I don’t think I’ve been out more than a couple times a week. I’ll do something nice tomorrow, maybe. Go out to see a film, hike up a mountain, something to break the summer doldrums. I heard that there was a carnival a couple towns over; I’ll go there, I guess.

End of 3: The Scene Rises in Viscosity