Journal of the Alchemist

Saturday, June 26, Year 1000 of Our Lord

The carnival was canceled today, which is just my luck. For the first time in I don’t know how long, I didn’t feel like alchemizing, or reading, or much of anything. It was odd, not wanting to do anything. In the end, I was just sitting around all day, looking out my window. Time ceased to have meaning as I contemplated the meaning of life, the universe, and everything (I couldn’t think of an answer that applied to everypony, so I’ll just say it varies from pony to pony). It took me a while to get bored of that; I like thinking hard about big philosophical questions like that, which makes me wonder why I don’t do it more often. I didn’t eat much more than a few crackers today. I didn’t feel hungry, even if I drank about three gallons of water in a crazy thirst. Screw it, I don’t feel like writing. I just want to sleep.

Sunday, June 27, Year 1000 of Our Lord

Just another week and it’ll be the fourth of July, the famous day that the griffon nations declared their independence from Equestria, and the rule of Celestia. I don’t know why all of Equestria celebrates it, if it’s basically the day that we lost a section of land, but whatever. I don’t feel like doing anything for it. I don’t think I’ll even make fireworks.

Monday, June 28, Year 1000 of Our Lord

Sugar came by to ask about me, since she’d not seen me for a few days. That was nice of her, but unneeded. I’m fine, it’s just the summer heat making me slow. I think. At any rate, she left after a while. Nothing really happened except she asked me a few questions like “do you have a sense of impending doom?”. Silly questions. Don’t know what she was trying to do.

Tuesday. June 29.

I really don’t feel good today. Like, really really bad... -ly. I called Cobalt (Not Sugar because I don’t want her worried) but I don’t know if I was intelligible. It’s too hot. I’ve got a bad headache. I’m going to sleep with some ice packs.

Saturday, July 3, Year 1000 of Our Lord

Well that was an ordeal. I haven’t written anything in a few days on account of me having been in the hospital for that time. Turns out my lack of interest in life, dehydration, and loss of appetite were signs of a severe heat stroke. Or whatever. I didn’t really listen to the doctors, I was too busy feeling generally awful. From what I did understand through my delirium, though, I gather that I was in a bit of a bad way. I know the nurse didn’t want to say it when I questioned her later, but from the look on her face, I know I almost died. Writing those words sends shivers from my snout to my tail. I’ve never thought about death much, and to know I was at his door for a while terrifies me. On the rare occasions I did think about the unavoidable end, I always thought I’d accept it with grace, but now, knowing that I was so close to it... It scares me, more than anypony could possibly imagine. For now, I want to forget about it. Maybe a time will come when I can think about this, but... I can’t right now.

The gang stopped by while I was bedridden to keep me company. Even Starblossom came along, and gave me a teddy bear. Seeing how nice she is really makes me feel stupid for going along with Sugar to “Madame Pinkie”. Star’s a friend, and I shouldn’t plot behind her back. So I asked her today, when she came to visit, about her sporadic precognition. She giggled (Do you know that’s the first time I’ve seen that mare smile?). Said she didn’t know, but wasn’t it just so fun to act mysterious about it? Keeps everypony guessing. Before she left, she gave me a kiss. On the lips. I don’t know what to say about that. I was, and still am, at a loss for words. All this time I thought she was a bit of an odd mare, but maybe she’s just doing it for fun. And giving me a kiss? ...You know, that was the first time I’d ever kissed a mare. Wow. Now that I’m thinking about it, I feel a bit dizzy, and not from lack of oxygen.

Does Starblossom like me? Was that what the kiss was? Or was it just another thing to “keep me guessing”? If it’s the latter, it sure did just that. If it’s the former... Do I like her? I’d meant to talk about what happened while I was in the hospital, but I guess Star’s monopolizing this entry. Do I care if she is? Could I have been falling for her all this time and not known it? I never had much of an interest in mares, but now... It’s like that little kiss awoke something inside me.

And what about Sugar Heart? What if all this time, she liked me? Now that I look back, she did seem to be more friendly with me than with Cobalt. And Cobalt! He’s in love with Starblossom! What if Star likes me, and he’s heartbroken? Oh, Celestia. I hope I’m just panicking and overthinking this...

Sunday, July 4, Year 1000 of Our Lord

Yeah, there was the celebration today. I’ll write a bit about it, but I really want to talk more about yesterday’s entry.

So, the fest. It was nice. There were enough booths and shows and foods to entertain everypony during the day, and at night the fireworks lit up the sky in all the colours of the rainbows! I spent a nice day walking through the stands and stalls (slowly, since I’m still a bit weak from my heat sickness, or whatever it was). I treated myself and my friends to some funnel cakes, a guilty pleasure of mine (they’re so sugary, but I LOVE them!), and we had a gay (not that kind of gay!) discussion about the upcoming apple harvest, and what we would make with the fruits, and how we’d enjoy them. When night came, everypony in town was outside watching the fireworks coming from Canterlot (I still don’t know why Equestria is celebrating its defeat in the griffon lands, but the night was so nice, I’m willing to forgive that). Oh, it was a wonderful day, and I think it did me a lot of good to breathe the fresh air and eat the good food. I wouldn’t have spent the day any other way. When the fireworks ended, Cobalt and Starblossom went to their homes, but Sugar followed me home, saying that she wanted to talk with me briefly.

And here comes the bit I was anxious to get to. When we got inside, she pinned me to the wall, her face a mask of fear and pain.

“Mist,” She choked out through sobs. It was the first time she’d ever used my real name. It was the first time I’d even heard it in years. “I was so scared, when you were in that bed, I was... I just...” She paused to choke out a few more sobs. “I was so scared, Mist, I just was so scared. We almost lost you and I -”

She couldn’t finish what she was saying. She was crying too hard. I tried to say something, anything, but the shock of what was happening, and what had happened, and what could have happened just hit me, and I just stood there, back against the wall, Sugar’s tears soaking my chest, my mouth half-open. Stupid! I wish I could have said something! I’m always so calm and confident in my daydreams, but when something happened in real life, I was just as choked and unsure and scared as I told myself I’d never be. I couldn’t even move.

It took a minute for Sugar to speak again. By that time, I was feeling very odd. It was as I wasn’t even there, or I was watching someone else’s life instead of mine as Sugar took several calming, deep breaths and spoke:

“I - I love you.” Her voice trailed off at the end, but I heard perfectly. I felt as if I had been struck by lightning (something I’d had happen before. It’s not quite as painful as you’d think, but it really messes your head up). My head seemed to be spinning, and I was shaking all over. Maybe I had had the thought yesterday, but to hear it out loud, and after such an emotional instance was unbelieveable.

“I love you too.” I blurted out, eyes tearing up, not realising until then that it was true. When I said those words, it was like a huge light had just been turned on in a dark abyss. Everything was happening so fast, and yet I knew what was happening was right. I still can’t believe it. Sugar loves me, and I love her. We fell asleep that night in each other’s arms, and the sense of closeness that we shared was unbreakable. When I woke up, I thought it might have just been a dream, but as I write this, the mare of my dreams is sleeping right next to me. And I think she’s waking up now.

Monday, July 5, Year 1000 of Our Lord

Today was the end of my life. That is not, however, to say that I died, as I think you’ve already guessed. But today was the start of OUR life. Sugar and I spent the morning and afternoon talking quietly about us and how our lives would change by being together, or just sitting together, enjoying the feel of the close friendship we now share. We made arrangements with Cobalt and Starblossom to meet for dinner at a fancy restaurant, the kind I’d never go to normally, but this was a special occasion. We told them that we had a surprise, and they told us they had one for us, as well. Sugar had me wear my suit (a simple black-and-white tuxedo. I used to wear it in Cloudsdale for especially ritzy events) to the dinner; I think the place was so fancy, we’d be turned away if we just wore our normal outfits (that is, nothing at all). We met Cobalt and Star at the table, as they had arrived first. We told them our surprise first, then they: theirs. As it turns out, the two surprises were the same! Sugar and I are now dating, and so are Cobalt and Star! I was so happy for us all, I bought a bottle of champagne, which I’d never had before. The four of us drank the whole bottle by the end of the night, and we were quite pleasantly buzzed as we went to our homes (Cobalt and Star lived close together anyway, so Star is moving in with Cobalt. For Sugar and I, it’s undecided as of yet. We both have quite the collection of assorted instruments for our particular crafts of baking and science (which Sugar has convinced me to call alchemy. I guess it was rather childish to pretend I was an alchemist), and all those tools take up a lot of space. My place isn’t big enough or well equipped enough to have a huge kitchen, and hers isn’t, uh, fire-proof enough. So for now we’re living separate until we figure out what to do.

I can’t believe this, you know. All the years of my life, I’ve never had eyes for anypony, and I used to gag at the mushy stuff that couples would say to each other. But now, I’m calling her by pet names (although Sugar is already a bit of a pet name. She just calls me Mist now), picking her flowers, and, yes: kissing. I’m head-over-heels, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. ♥

End of 4: Burning Twice as Bright