The Memories of a Pale Man

Chapter Three: The Painful Preliminaries

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I rubbed the back of my head groaning in mild pain. I looked at the bottle that the janitor man had tossed my way. On the label it read “Jimmy T. Ross’s Famous Spiced Rum” above a picture that look like the janitor that had thrown it raising a hand above his head in a thumbs up sign. I looked at the bottle a little more than baffled, then I saw the slogan printed at the little hunched over man’s feet. “Janitor recommended, Purgatory approved!” I couldn’t help myself I laughed aloud, it was a funny sight. And a reassuring one to have in my current environment.

Sitting up I looked around at the setting I found myself in, dark foliage surrounded me and sounds of wild and bloodthirsty beasts surrounded me. So it was to be banishment in a deadly forest with a bottle of questionable rum, I could handle that. I stood and looked at my chest where the bullet hole was now missing. I fell over in surprise, I unbuttoned my shirt with some urgency to see a tattoo of some sorts on the area of the wound. It consisted of two circles one inside the other, the one that had residence on the inner side of the circle was touching the left side of the circle it was in. this gave it an appearance of a waning moon. On the outside of the circle there were five wavy triangles that  were placed equidistant from one another. In whole the drawing looked rather like a sun being eclipsed by a moon. As I looked somewhat astounded by this, the tattoo began to fade, I put my hand to my side where Ryan had cut me. When I drew back my hand it was bone dry. I looked back at my chest, the tattoo had all but faded leaving nothing more than a white circle where the hole had been originally.

I put my shirt back on looking at it beforehand, I would need to do something about the holes, one in the chest and back and one on the side. I decided to just try to find out where I was first. I picked up the bottle of rum and walked into the forest in a random direction. Only to emerge from the opposite side of the clearing a few minutes later. I tried a few more times with the same result.

“Fifteenth times the charm” I said as I plunged into the pitch black interior of the forest. I stumbled about the darkness that didn't allow a single ray of sunshine to penetrate the deep green canopy that was the trees that grew, defiant of  mother natures will, to the top of the foul land I know found myself lost in. I continued onward feeling my way through the darkness. Suddenly my foot caught on one of the many exposed roots in the depth of the forest, I fell forward knocking my head against a rock. I woke up a few minutes later my ears ringing, as my vision came back to me I found it to be extremely blurry. I touched my face to find that I had no glasses I quickly began to scatter across the forest floor looking for my lost spectacles. Reaching out and patting an area I my hand landed on the glasses that I so heavily depended on. I took them and placed them back on the ridge of my nose. I stood and collected myself and continued through the forest in the same method I had employed before. I continued like this for what seemed like days sleeping against logs and trees or not sleeping at all, too scared of the things that took up residence in the forest. In truth the darkness and noises scared me, even to the point of avoiding things that I never even saw, simply hearing a growling and running in any direction that was opposite of the sound. Tripping over roots, plants, and debris alike not caring for the injury and pain I received as long as I wasn't eaten. More than once I thought to myself, thinking that this was my punishment, if this was so then who ever had decided to punish me was a lot more creative than what the religions gave him or her credit for to be. Finally after days in the forest I stumbled into a clearing. Immediately putting my arms up to shield my eyes from the harsh sunlight that I had forgotten about. When I could finally see again I saw that I was in a clearing that looked like a path of some sort.

Once I had made it onto the path I managed to sit down, relax, and get my bearings. I examined myself and my surroundings; it was midday, I was no longer dead (I think). As for items I possessed I had a bottle of rum, an apron (Somewhat bloodstained), a set of ragged clothing that was . And a small search of my pockets yielded a small knife in my apron pocket. I wondered how I could have this on my person, I shrugged, maybe Ryan had planted it on me before I died. I flipped it over, it was the same blade as before; jade and silver handle, pearl inlays, steel blade. I thought it better to have some form of a weapon than none at all. I wiped the blade on my apron, cleaning it slightly, before dropping it back into my apron pocket.

When I finished my observation of my assets, I looked right and then left, remembering a little rhyme from my days on earth, I cleared my throat “Ahem, eenie meenie miney moe...” I went on for a short while longer singing the songs several times unhappy with the results. I ended up choosing the path going to the left. More because of the look of the opposite route. It was heading away from the cliffs that turned the path to my right into a bottleneck, and through my pastimes in the forests I thought it best to stay away from potential tactical errors.

I headed on the opposite path, it seemed that the things in the forest were reluctant to come out in the light of day, and for that I was glad, saying a small thank you to Celestia for the protection of her sun. I kept walking for hours and sure enough the sun started to set in the distance. As it set I slowly started to increase my pace, I wanted to get out of the area and by extension the things in the area. After fifteen minutes I had gone from a quick walk to a full on sprint. I kept running for what seemed like hours until the edge of the forests approached me. I increased my speed not caring for my physical well being, I flew through the hole in the foliage to find myself in a pasture filled with rolling hills. I walked a little ways from the forest, walking over a hill I sat down and slept for the first time in days.

When I awoke it was due to the sun rising and shining into my face I sleepily opened my eyes after much frustration. Groaning I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I looked at the landscape, a beautiful orange and red sky casting rays of light in beams onto the rolling hills that no artist or photographer could rival, the bright column of light fell neatly onto the mountains, hills, and trees of the valley, the only thing that could possibly compete with the beauty of the sun would be the mountains. Ever stalwart they were a grey as gunmetal at their bottom and rose into the sky past the highest clouds. I looked at the deep unbroken green grass of the hills, then to the reds and oranges of the sunlight in the sky, and finally to the majesty of the mountains. I looked at the beauty and the only thoughts that went through my head were that of “Damn Sun” and “If I had a chainsaw...”

I sat there on the hillside trying to get some extra sleep with no avail. I sat up, defeated by the glowing orb that filled the sky with the bright rays of a beautiful morning. I sighed and got to my feet allowing myself to voice my discomfort. I looked about and and chose a direction.

“The sun sets in the east” I said softly to myself “or was it the west, maybe the sun rises in the... no, no that not it.” Eventually after a lot of confusion I simply decided to head down the hill. Stopping after a few moments to realize that the bottle was missing. I looked around me and then to the top of the hill seeing nothing. I wasted no time and ran to the top and looked around. I wondered why I was looking so desperately for this bottle of rum. I didn't really even drink, and yet here I was looking around for a bottle that was filled with a liquid that not only hurt the user but also made him physically and mentally inadequate. I suppose it was due to the little that I owned that made me look for it so feverishly. And I suppose when you have nothing but a bottle, knife and some bloody rags you value things more. I walked around a little longer deciding that it was a lost cause and turned walking down the hill looking a little more disheveled.

I walked for hours walking over hills, and through the few streams that were in the area. I stopped at one of the streams looking for a meal and finding none, I decided to look about for anything. After a few minutes I found a small metal box that was left beside the stream with a bucket and small shovel. It seemed that there was a child here at one point. But by the condition of the bucket and shovel it looked as if he or she hadn't been there in over a year. What had caught my eye was how the box looked left there this morning. I picked it up and looked at it carefully. It was decorated with a pictures of ponies in a gallop through a field of grass or thistle. After a few more moments of looking it over I found that it was music box. I turned it around looking for the winding key. I looked to the ground and found a small key, it was a trifle bit odd how it shown with an almost unnatural light. I placed the key into the small hole that looked to be the spot I twisted it heard a tune I thought would never come from a music box. Especially one that looked so old. I listened to the box and mouthed the words as the notes made their procession through the air.

“Hush Now, Quiet Now

It’s Time To Lay Your Sleepy Head

Hush Now Quiet Now

Its Time To Go To Bed

Drift, Drift, Off To Sleep

Leave Your Exciting Day Behind You

Drift, Drift, Off To Sleep

May The Joy Of Dreamland Find You.”

I finished as the music box did, the last note hanging in the air like a half forgotten dream. I looked at the box again, how it shown in the light of the sun. I clutched it in my hand and continued onward. I walked farther moving up and down hills, and taking a break every so often to catch my breath and look for something to eat. More often than not I found nothing.

I kept walking until I saw in the distance a few apple trees. I smiled seeing the sight of food, and rushed forward the

music box still in my hand. I arrived at the edge of the orchard a few moments later and began to pick some of the apples from the tree itself but being as short as I am and with no tools to speak of I decided to pick up a few of the apples that had fallen to the ground and were still edible. I sat down under the calming shade and enjoyed a decent meal. After working my way through three apples I decided to look for the owners of the orchard, seeing as no forest could have the trees planted in such a neat and straight way.

I stood and looked around seeing a barn in the distance. I decided it best to walk to it and see if it was close to the house or just one of the barns set in the fields for a place to stick the tractor and crop harvesters. I went along on my way and eventually found a small path. I adjusted my way and followed it in the most reasonable way. I sat on the side of the road and looked at the general condition of the farm. It was in good shape considering that it was rather huge. I Leaned back into the shade and took a short nap.

When I woke up with a start, I had thought I had heard... Hoof steps? This was odd in that I was related to a great many farmers and all of them hated to used livestock as a workforce. I disregarded it, I was always a bit paranoid and jumpy and therefore decided to simply move on. I stood again and stretched, I had needed a good sleep for a few days ever since I had escaped the forests. Maybe the farmer that owned the ordered would be nice enough to give me shelter in his barn. I found my way back onto the path and followed it in the direction I thought was best directed to my prefered destination.

I kept walking until I saw a quaint little house next to a barn. I figured that this must be where I was to find the farmer, and if not him at least a son or a wife. I made my way to the front door of the house and knocked. I waited for a few moments and knocked again this time with a little more force and calling for someone. Still nothing. I tried the door and found it to be open, I leaned in and called for someone. I shrugged and turned around, no reason to be shot under the illusion of being an home invader. I looked back to the yard and saw a small burst of leaves as though something had ducked down into a bush in a great hurry. I cocked an eyebrow in suspicion and strolled over to the bush in question, upon arrival I heard and saw nothing,save the sound of the wind and the bush in front of me.

“Must have been a bird or something” I thought to myself as I turned around and looked for a place to sit on that I could wait for the arrival of the farmer. Suddenly before I could find a spot that looked moderately comfortable I was tackled from behind and was forcefully pushed to my face and knocked off my glasses in the process. As I couldn’t see my  attacker I was rather surprised at this occurrence and I opened my mouth to have a somewhat large furry something shoved with great force into my mouth.

“Uh, Fluttershy do you really think it’s a good idea to stick you hoof into a wild animal's mouth like that?” a girlish and simultaneously tough voice said above me as I felt several ropes being pulled around my ankles and feet. I attempted to thrash about but was hit rather forcefully when ever this was attempted.

“Oh, I just wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t be too much trouble, I’ve found that when I do this the animals are much calmer. Besides I’m sure it won’t hurt me” a voice I presumed to be Fluttershy said “I bet this cutesy-wotsi little guy is just lost aren't you” the owner of the voice punctuated her sentence by rubbing the top of my head in a disarming manner. I tried to make out the things but my lack of glasses made it very hard

“What?” I thought “Had whoever just attacked me called another person... Fluttershy?” I looked at the blur leading to my mouth. It was a buttermilk color and somewhat cylindrical in shape.

“Right” the first voice said “Can you help me lift this thing it’s pretty heavy”

“Okay” the second voice that I assumed to be Fluttershy said in confirmation and removed her hoof from my mouth. I immediately began to relax my mouth and spit out the fur, after being lifted from the ground I started to speak.

“Excuse me” I said and was quickly silenced when I was dropped from a few feet. after regaining my composure I continued “Can someone get my glasses please?” I said trying to be diplomatic. Though I was scared and confused I still wanted to see my attackers whose identities I had already assumed

After some “eping” from Fluttershy and a very long conversation had in hushed tones a good ten or twelve feet away, the other voice (whom I thought to be none other than the ever athletic Rainbow Dash) said in a careful tone. “Um okay, where are they?” I nodded forward in the general direction that I thought they would be in was.

I saw a cyan blurry trot over to the area that I had nodded in and then lean down showing a rainbow of colors it

straightened back up and trotted over to me and dropped the glasses in front of me. I looked at them and then at the blurry in front of me “Thank you” I said and grabbed one of the earpieces in my mouth.

After a little more arguing behind me I felt the myself being lifted up again. I tried to struggle a little but I had found that the rope that I had been tied up with was very strong.Or that the person (or pony) that had tied me up was very adept at that particular skill.

As I flew over a large green blur (I hadn't been able to get my glasses on) I thought on what was happening, I LOVED ponies even to the point of worship and love. So why wasn't I screaming like  fanboy on cocaine. I looked at the ground for a little longer thing on that. I suppose that it was because I was in shock. I thought that all of this, this world these ponies carrying me back to some area or another were nonexistent. But now I was not only dead but also in a land that I thought was nonexistent.

I stayed like that for a while until I was brought back to Fluttershy’s cabin and dragged into a basement I was placed into a chair and was tied into it limiting my escape options greatly. I asked if something could put my glasses on and Fluttershy had been kind enough to do so. I looked at her with confusion for the rest of the time that she was there. It was one thing to think that you heard anything like Fluttershy but a completely different thing to see it in front of you. I sat there mouth agape as I watched her expertly tie the ropes around my legs and waist and did nothing until she looked at me and said.

“Now I have to go now,I’m teaching a choir of birds to sing at the Summer Sun Festival. And I need to work extra hard today because the overseer for the Summer Sun Celebration is coming today” she said in a chipper tone and before I could respond she unfurled her wings and flew off to a door of some kind

I tried to turn to look at her leave but only managed to squirm in my chair. I sighed and looked at my feet. I stayed like that for a short while until I got a slight crick in my neck and leaned it back trying to sleep, I managed to doze off for what felt like a moment before I felt something small and heavy was on my chest. I groaned and opened my eyes a little to see what

was on me.

“Heya, ah’m AppleBloom!” the small beige filly said sitting on my lap. I looked at her and she looked back with an ecstatic grin on her face. “Ain’t ya gonna say something?” she asked, looking confused. My brain was still piecing together the whole “You’re in Equestria Bitch” thing.

“Gubb, Blug, What do you want?” I asked sleep having made my speech somewhat unintelligible therefor making me sound a tad drunk.

AppleBloom jumped in seeming excitement “Ya can talk! Fluttershy didn't make it up!” she said landing her hooves on my lap and causing some pain, seeing me cringe she cocked her head a little sideways “What’s tha matter Mr. uh.. what are y’all?” she said either trying or actually being innocent

The pain having cleared my system, I spoke with a little force to convey that it was not ideal to smash my legs and give me fractures and broken bones alike. “Please, get off of me.” I said, a little peeved at her actions.

“Oh, okay!” she said as she hopped off my lap and onto the ground.

I looked at her and saw that she was still waiting for an answer to her first question. “I’m a Human if you still wondering”

She stared at me for a few moments before jumping in the air and saying “Wow, A human! I thought y'all were make-believe” she continued like that fir a while asking me questions and me answering them as best I could. eventually she went back to her original objective.”Fluttershy said that she needed some help tending to an animal so she sent me down here ta feed ya.” she said in a matter-of-fact way. Grabbing a chair in her teeth and pulling it over to the table she positioned it and proceeded to hop onto it, she grabbed a baby bottle that had been resting on the surface of the worn wooden surface, the tool for feeding infants and sick animals in her mouth she advanced on me.

“No” I said “I have a fraction of dignity and I will not drink for a feeding device meant solely for infants.”

AppleBloom looked at me very confused and put the bottle back down “What did y’all say?” she asked

“I won’t eat from that” I said a little snide in my comment

She pondered the statement and but  hoof to the underside of her chin “But how are ya gonna eat?” she finally asked after after a few minutes

“I will,l” I said, “just get me out of this chair and I’ll eat some apples.” I paused and smiled, or rather I attempted to smile. I was a very grim person in spirit and appearance so I never smiled, the lack of practice using this emotional tool result most likely looked like I was, quite ironically, a murderer  “Kay?” I said hoping for a good answer in response.

AppleBloom looked at me a little creeped out “I don’t know Mr...” she said extending the last word “Fluttershy said don’t untie the animal that’s down here.”

I sighed. “Of course she would” I thought to myself, one vote of confidence from her. “Um...” I paused thinking. coming up short on ideas I shrugged and said “Ah, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself then?” I said sounding somewhat genuine. Though I was tied up in a basement I still kept my interests and I wished to wash away andy incorrect head cannon.

“Me?” she said

I nodded “Yes, I’d like to know somebod-... Er, pony while I’m here.”

“Oh, well, I was born here on the farm, my favorite food is apples, ect. ect.”

Over the next forty minutes she talked to me about her life, school, family, friends, and ending with cutie mark.

“And Diamond Tiara got her’s last week at her beauty pageant last week an’ ah said..”

I cut her off, hoping that I could help her get on track for the Cutie Mark Crusaders to be founded, so I needed to make sure “Call of the Cutie” played through like the show did. “Are you looking for your Cutie Mark?” I said

“Well, yeah” she said “But ah don’t know where ta start lookin’...” she continued looking disheveled.

I thought about the episode that the Cutie Mark Crusaders started “Well, your teacher?” I said trying not to call her by her name “Miss. Cheerilee”.

“Miss. Cheerilee?” AppleBloom said looking at me

“Yeah.” I said, nodding my head, “Why don’t you ask her to do a lesson on Cutie Marks?”

“Ah never thought a that.” she said.

“So, anyway...” I said, trying to be warm and friendly, “Do you think you can untie me now?” I asked.

“But Fluttershy said-” she protested, but was cut off.

“Oh, ponyfeathers to Fluttershy!” I remarked “Tell you what, I’ll...” I paused, thinking of what I could offer. I looked to the side and saw a pile of hay, my family being country folk I was taught more than once how to make toys out of miscellaneous

things, “I know, I can make you a doll, would you like that?” I offered, leaning forward in my bonds.

“I don’t know...” she said, dragging a hoof along the ground.

“Oh, haven’t you heard about the unrivalled workmanship of humans?” I said “It’s unrivaled by all creatures, and I

should know I-”

“Yeah!” she responded a little angry, “but don’t think ah haven't heard how sneaky y’all can’ be!”I was surprised at just

how versatile her moods could be, I wondered if all ponies were this bipolar

I paused and raised an eyebrow, “What?” I asked.

AppleBloom continued “Every story is always tha same. A pony captures one a’ you n’ y’all trick um with wishes an stuff.”

I paused, looking at her with a blank stare of fear plastered on my face “Uh.. Well, we aren’t ALL like that...” I said while trying to sound sincere.

“Y'all probably just run off once ah untie you.” AppleBloom said sticking out her bottom lip in frustration

“Oh, posh,” I said feeling back in my element; lying, “I have no reason to run off, so why would I? I just want to eat with my hands, and have a little bit of space.” I finished looking at her.

“Um, well...” she sat on her haunches and looked as though she was in deep thought, “Okay,” she said, “I’ll untie y’all,

but...” she said getting up and moving to the door shutting it with a buck of her hind legs “Y’all can’t go running off.” she walked over behind me and I felt the feeling of the rope growing lose and a nip of the small filly's teeth on my wrist. As she finished untying the knot I waited patiently until I heard a small “There” come from behind me.

I squirmed a little more and go my arms and legs free and stretching I turned around to look at AppleBloom seeing her looking at me with a faint sense of fear. I looked at her with a little confusion until I put two and two together, I stood at about five foot three inches and she was no taller than a foot and a half. I realized that I must be a sort of giant to her and so I promptly took a knee and patted her head “Thank you” I said sounding sincere. I took the chair I was confined to and dragged it to the table when I place it next to the worn item I then realized that i had some more head cannon to disprove. I looked up at the ceiling. It was about as tall as a normal ceiling I walked over to the door and by the look of it I could fit through it with the same amount of ease. “I suppose that puts ponies at around the same height as me, if not a little taller”  As I looked at the door I felt a small tugging at my leg, I looked down to see AppleBloom with my pant leg in her teeth.

She looked up at me “Mr. Human” she said “Do you think you can make me that doll?” she said with an air of fear. I felt a twinge of regret and guilt for making her feel so scared.

I looked down at her and nodded walking over to the bales of hay in the corner and pulling a good amount out from one of the many. I returned to the table and sat in one of the chairs, it was small and close to the ground, but not uncomfortable. I placed the hay on the table and started to organize it into piles. AppleBloom hopped on a neighboring chair and looked at the hay in wonder, staring at my hands as I bound the hay into five columns. I smirked at her surprise and admiration. I glanced at her for a moment and thought to myself, I never thought I would see any of the cast of the show that made the foundation for my life, let alone capture one’s attention. I bound the columns of hay together and began working on the doll, I paused I motion placing the parts of the doll back onto the table. I looked at AppleBloom “Do you want a pony like you or a human?” I said looking at her.

She looked at me with a tired expression and I wondered if she had heard me at all, I questioned the time of day and pulled out my pocket watch, it had stopped at three forty-seven. I looked to see a ray of sunshine or moonlight but alas, there were no windows in this cellar. I looked back to AppleBloom and moved to place my hand on her foreleg when she said sounding just shy of awake “Mm... Pony” she said as she sunk back on her haunches and fell into a quiet sleep.

I shrugged and made a pony out of the columns of hay and bound the joints three times so that it wouldn’t fall apart at a moments notice. When I finished it up it looked like an smaller version of Big Mac save his yok. I had found a handful of string in a sewing chest along with a mish mash of other things, rusty farm equipment, pots, pans, and other things that had outlived their use. I had taken the string that i had found along with a few stick-pins and made a mane tail and eyes for the little straw pony. I looked through the sewing chest again and was able to find a needle that wasn't too rusty and some white thread. I took of my apron and shirt and after some trouble with threading the needle I stitched up the holes in both of the garments. After sticking myself more than once and cursing quite a few times I looked at my prepared shirt. I had done an okay job the holes were gone though it didn’t look like an experienced taylor had done it, and so it looked as it should have. I put on my shirt and apron, straightened my cravat, and brushed off my pant legs.

I looked at AppleBloom, she had fallen asleep in the chair her head lying on the table a hoof sprawled on the worn wooden surface. I smiled and took the small hay pony that I had made placing it next to her hoof. I paused thinking on what to do. I looked around the room and then finally seeing a dusty mirror in the corner I grabbed it and placed it in the unoccupied chair, I took my finger and I wrote out what I wanted to leave as an apology note;

Dear AppleBloom,

Sorry for having to leave as soon

as you fell asleep. I just need to not be tied up

in a cellar. I hope you enjoy the doll,

Sincerely,

I paused on this last last word wondering what I should write as my name. I had always disliked my name given to me. “Jacob”. I had hated it in my past life and I hated it now. I looked at the mirror and though on a new name that would fit me, suddenly a bright idea came into my mind and before it could escape I leaned forward and wrote my new name upon the dusty looking glass

Sincerely,

Alexander Greene

I leaned back and looked at the words on the dusty mirror. I nodded and went to the door. I opened it and looked around, I looked back into the room with the sleeping filly, I smiled to myself and shut the door quietly. I turned to my left and saw the stairs, well worn and made of a solid oak, I placed the heel of my dress shoe on the first stair, I leaned forward and heard no squeaking. I repeated this action all the way up the stairs until I reached the top placing my shoe on the worn oak floor. I looked to both sides the room was empty and looked to be the kitchen, I stood up straight and walked to the other room I looked through the room and I saw the door. I smiled and stepped forward, when I placed my foot into the room I heard an unceremonious snoring from the room. I glanced in the direction of the couch and was vaguely surprised by the results of my sight. Sprawled on the couch was a bear lying on his stomach and snoring as though it was going out of style. I jumped back a little more than frightened and tried not to laugh at how silly he looked as he was a tad larger than the small couch that was supporting him. I put a hand to my mouth and moved across the room quickly and quietly pulling the small bolt that acted as a doorknob to the side and exiting quickly closing the door silently behind me.

Once outside I brushed the dirt from my pants and walked a few feet forward before looking at the sky. It was the dead of night and the world seemed quiet in respect of the beautiful sky. I had always been somewhat nocturnal but I had also always lived in a city, so i was lucky to see the moon let alone the stars. And that sky had been tossed together in an explosion the one that was in front of me had be delicately engineered to be a work of art. I gazed at the sky literally awestruck by it’s beauty.

I don’t know how long I stood there out front of the farm house staring at the sky, but when I managed to tear myself from the night sky I checked my pockets for my effects. I patted each of my pockets respectfully and I was able to locate all of my items, my knife, musicbox, and clothing was accounted for. I chuckled to myself remembering how AppleBloom had described humans, the way she told me it sounded as though they were Leprechaun, I chuckled again looking at my “Treasure” or my “Pot of Gold” and thinking that if I was a kind of Leprecan or Fairy, I was the lamest one there was.

I placed my possessions into my pockets and looked about. To one side of me there was Sweet Apple Acres and all it’s glory, and to the other side of me was the Town of PonyVille. Glancing at it again I saw that it was still alight with excitement and yells and shrieks of enthusiasm from the residents. I thought for a moment on why this would be, that the ponies of PonyVille would be up and about on this day. I paused and remembered what AppleBloom had said what felt like earlier that day.

“That overseer for the Summer Sun Celebration.” I said aloud in a voice of amazement as it dawned on me.

I thought on the times that the things happend in the episode. “First; the ponies will party until the time at which the sun will rise. Second; the ponies enter the town hall to see Princess Celestia rase the sun. Third; No Princess just Nightmare Moon. Fourth; Twilight and her friends go through the forest and eventually vanquish Nightmare Moon” I said to myself quietly counting off each of the events on my fingers. Pausing for moment and slapping a hand to my face and said “God I got to get a life”

I stood there for a moment shaking my head and muttering about how filled with flaws I was. until I realized that I needed to do something. After all I couldn’t just stand here in the front of Fluttershy’s cottage waiting for Fluttershy to come back and tie me back up “for my own good”. I rubbed my back in remembering the painful the sores from sitting in an uncomfortable chair for hours on end.

I thought about going into the Everfree and then remembered the time I had spent in the forest I had arrived in. I wondered momentarily on whether or not the forest I was trapped in was the Everfree forest. Deciding against the idea, I tried to think of my options. I thought long and hard, thinking to myself I absent mindedly walked to a stump of an apple tree and sat down. After much thought I came up with three options, “one; go into the Everfree and...” I paused and mentally cut the option form the list. ”One; I go back to the forest I came from, and two; go into Ponyville and test my luck, to see if I’m killed” I shrugged weighing each of the options and getting to my feet “I feel lucky” I said aloud to nobody in particular “I guess I’ll see what’s behind door number two.” I finished walking down the road in the direction of Ponyville wondering what I would do.

When I entered the quaint town of Ponyville I was somewhat surprised at the lack of cleanliness that was emulated by the condition of the streets and the loud nature of the accompanying ponies. I assumed that this was because of the celebrations that were going on at the time. I looked around the small square that I had wandered into. It was populated mostly by... Bars? I looked at the one closest to me a little back street dump, I looked at the sign above the door, a carved picture of a donkey holding a bottle with the three X’s that made one think of alcohol, I was slightly revolted by the sign but read it nonetheless. The sign proclaimed that the establishment in front of me was called “The Drunken Donkey.” As I looked rather dumbfounded at the building and it’s existence in Equestria a purple mare stumbled out of the doors and swayed out into the street. I stared at this drunken pony still trying to grip this situation.

“Berry Punch?” I said confused.

She looked at me and said in a drunken tone “Thats ma name *Hic* don...” she never finished the sentence as she fell into a puddle of mud and began to snore loudly. I stared at the mare and walked over to her and thought it would be best to remove her from the puddle. I grabbed her front hoof and wrapped an arm under her belly lifting her and walking somewhat labored  over to the bar. Looking at a dry spot I placed her next to the bars front doors. I was very happy that they had been made of wood as the patrons that were possibly less drunk than the mare in front of me. I shook my head and turned around spotting the bottle that Berry Punch had dropped. I walked over to it and picked it up smelling the top of the bottle and taking a swig.

I shuddered, “Beer,” I spat it out, “I hate beer. Tastes like fermented pond scum...” I tossed the bottle onto the ground and remembered that it was a good idea to not be seen. I looked around, knowing that I would need a place to lay low. Picking a pile of crates in an alleyway I moved over to the items and looked at a the spot that I would no doubt be sleeping in. It was dry I’ll be it dirty looking at the crates and surrounding garbage I was able to find a few boards of wood and placed them on the ground and put a small amount of hay over the broken boards.

Sleep came slowly, not only for the confusion I suffered from but also the condition of my bed. But finally I managed to doze off. Living in the city for the bulk of my life, I was able to block out the sounds of the drunken ponies around me. Oddly enough I was not afflicted by a jamboree of confusing dreams and weird omens. I simply shut my eyes and what felt like a few seconds afterwards opened them again to find that it was morning. I sat up and looked around seeing my surroundings that were rather messy. I stood and looked to the Bar that stood in front of me, seeing a small door that was probably used for a back door. Hearing the gowling of my stomach I walked over to the door and tried the handle, pulling myself against the door. It was locked, and that was a little bit of a problem. I looked at the lock and decided to try and force my way in. Sizing up the door I saw that it was in bad shape and could probably be broken with a good kick. I stepped back and readied myself. Picking up a foot and slamming it against the door, I was pushed back and fell down. I looked at the door and stood up. After brushing myself off, I ran at the door and threw my weight (136 pounds) against the door. Hearing a slight crackling sound I looked to see that the wood was a little splintered around handle. I took my foot and started feverishly kicking at the door. After a few more kicks the door swung open. I ran inside, there was no doubt in my mind that the owner had heard that. I looked around and saw that the owner was nowhere to be seen. I sighed happy for this development. I looked around and saw that I was in some sort of store room. Dry goods lined the shelves and cans littered the floor. I quickly started grabbing as much food as I could, filling my pockets and arms with food. I heard a distinct sound. I turned around to see the door opening. I looked at my situation and then at the shelves. I grabbed another sack of apples and bolted out of the old door, running from the alleyway and moving through the street, sprinting like my life depended on it. All the while I was looking for another place to hide.

After a moment I ran past a spa. I stopped for a moment. I knew it was still too early for the stalls or shops to be opening, so I ran to the building and looked for a basement door. Spotting a small door, I placed my swag on the ground and pulled on the doors. They were locked as well. I looked around and saw a small key poking out from under a crate. I snached it up and placed the key in the small lock in one of the doors. After hearing the sound of a bolt being removed I tossed the key over to the area that I had grabbed it from, and pulled the doors open. I snatched up my treasure and ran into the cellar shutting the doors behind me.

First the scent of lavender and lemongrass hit me. “This must be where they keep their spices and other stuff,” I thought aloud. I started feeling around for a lantern of some kind. I had been looked for a few minutes, but finally my hand felt the smooth surface of a lantern. I grabbed it and felt for some matches, sure enough there was a box of matches next to where the lantern had been. I struck a match and put it to the wick of the small candle that took up residence in the iron lantern and it lit almost immediately. I raised it and looked about the room I was in.

Looking at the basement of the spa it looked like an apothecary's basement more than anything else. The shelves we lined with oils and shampoos all of which were foreign to me. I stared at the contents of the basement and shrugged looking back at my loot. In my haste I was able to grab a burlap sack filled with apples, an orange, several potatoes, and a second sack filled with pretzels. I scratched my head at the last thing and chuckled. I figure the patrons of “The Drunken Donkey” would have to go without bar snacks for the next few weeks.

I spent the next few hours sitting on a crate of smelling salts and eating apples and other items looking out of the small thick- window that looked out onto the market square. Luckily the window was hidden by the stairs leading up to the front door and though I could only see several wooden planks, after forcing the rusted window I could hear what the conversation was centered around.

It seemed that my actions this morning did not go unnoticed as I heard about a forced entry at a bar and the pantry being ransacked quite a lot. Also it seemed that an odd creature wearing an odd collection of cloth had been seen running through the town in the wee hours of the morning. I looked down at my apparel, a blood stained apron and dress apparel that were in good condition save the rather mediocre repair. I sat there and brewed over the statement that was rather like an insult to me. After a moment of this I looked at the walls and shelves and smiled leaning back and closing my eyes. The scents of the basement and its contents were intoxicating and I felt relaxed.

I stayed like that for a short while until I heard the sound of the large wooden doors that separated me from the outside world opened and what I thought to be two ponies from the sound of the conversation, also concerning me. I was very glad that I had long since put lantern back in its place and I soon heard the sound of a match flaring up and saw the glow of  the lantern over the top of the shelves.

“Did you hear about zat? Ze creature disappeared not to far from ze market square!” the first voice said.

“Never mind sat sister” the second voice replied “We need to get more of sa lemon grass for the sauna.”

The Lotus twins? I couldn’t believe my luck! I looked around the corner Aloe Vera (pink coat, blue mane) and her sister Lotus Blossom (blue coat, pink mane) stood not but ten feet from me looking at the shelves.

“But sister? What shall ve do if zis thing comes here?” Aloe said in a pleading tone.

Her sister quickly responded putting a hoof to her sisters mouth “Why do we have to prepare for a romer?”

“But sister-” Aloe repeated

“Is nosing sister.” she said “I don’t want to hear anosa word about this, okay?”

Aloe nodded her head.

Lotus looked at the walls around her “Uhg, there is none of si lemongrass here, Aloe. Check sa back.”

Aloe nodded again, taking the lantern in her mouth and turning and trotting in my direction. I stopped scared wondering

what would happen if she found me, pictures of a dead man hanging from a rope or burning at a stake came to mind. I remembered my brush with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash and started looking around with more urgency. I looked around frantically and simply ran in the direction of not Aloe. She arrived a few moments later looking at my food.

She put the lantern down “Sister,” she said sounding a little confused, “Can you come and look at zis?”

“What is it now siste-” she said stopping and looking at the foods then at her sister, “We don’t keep food down here...”

I looked at the dead end that was in front of me, the shelf was to my left and the stone wall of the basement to my right.

I stared at the shelving with some fear in my eyes. I turned and pressed my back against the wall hoping that in some miraculous occurrence I could be overlooked and continue being not dead... Again. Aloe took the lantern in her mouth and turned to both sides showing light on the boxes and showing that there was nothing but lemongrass and turning her head to the other side looking down the small hallway that was formed by the shelving units she saw me. The beam of light stopped on me I stared at the ponies they started back.

We stared at one another for what seemed like hours. I didn’t move, more because they were blocking my exit than out

of surprise. They stared back at me in fearful wonder. I opened my mouth and then closed it trying to think of something to say first. I decided after some thought that the best thing to do would be to not say anything, so I started to scoot over to the wall and along the hall to the burlap sacks of food that I had stolen moving slowly they followed me with the lantern and their eyes I came close to my food and grabbed it slowly and moving slowly to the door taking one slow step at a time the heels of my shoes making a small but resounding “click” against the cobblestone floor. Sounding more like the “tat, tat, tat” of a machine gun than the gentile footsteps of a man avoiding death and walking across the floor. Walking up the stairs backwards I let out a sigh of relief when I made it back to the sunlit world. Stepping over the final step into the grounds beyond I felt the sun on my back and the sound of chatter all around me. It continued for a moment or two until a few ponies noticed me and stopped talking.

I was now back at square one it seemed that a good many ponies were doing their midday shopping around this time. I dropped the sacks in my hands staring at them. My brain was running through ideas and situations all of them ending with me dead or in a cage. All save one where I was tied up in a burlap sack and thrown in a river.

Coming up with nothing I opened my mouth,“Ochi chyornye, ochi zhguchie.” I said starting to sing the first few

lines to the song “Dark Eyes” a wonderful number I had loved in my youth even to the point of learning the lyrics in Russian. I continued singing at a louder volume and starting again.

“Ochi chyornye, ochi zhguchie

Ochi strastnye i prekrasnaya                                                                                                                                              Kak lyublyu ya vas, kak boyus' ya vas                                                                                                                        Znat' uvidel vas ya ne v dobryi chas”

The ponies were moving, looking scared and confused. A few of them taking feverish steps backward, all of them staring at me and looking over me with a stifling look that one would give to a mad man on the street yelling about how the world was reaching its inevitable end several million years early. I sang on unfazed by their looks.

“Ochi chyornye, ochi plamenny                                                                                                                                             I manyat oni v strany dal'nye                                                                                                                                           Gde tsarit lyubov', gde tsarit pokoi                                                                                                                                   Gde stradan'ya nyet, gde vrazhdy zapryet”

Most of the fillies were hiding behind their mothers or fathers now, and a few families had turned tail and ran in fear. Fear of what I could not know. I heard the sounds of the Lotus Twins coming to the foot of the stairs. As I sang I leaned down and grabbed an apple and started edging myself in the direction of the least populated road. I continued singing as I went in order to keep the ponies distracted.

“Ochi chyornye, ochi zhguchie                                                                                                                                     Ochi strastnye i prekrasnye                                                                                                                                            Kak lyublyu ya vas, kak boyus' ya vas                                                                                                                             Znat' uvidel vas ya ne v dobryi chas”

I slowly made my way across the square watching as eyes of everypony remained locked on me. I made wide gestures and theatrical moves in order to speed along my moving. Many of the foals were crying and their mothers tried to calm them or simply leave the premise. I continued moving and singing seeing just how long I could hold up the charade.

“Ne vstrechal by vas, ne stradal by tak                                                                                                                            Ya by prozhil zhizn' ulybayuchis'                                                                                                                                    Vy zgubili menya ochi chyornye                                                                                                                                   Unesli navek moyo schast'ye”

I now stood in front of the street that I planned to run away with. Stopping and standing still, holding the apple in my hand continuing to make theatrical gestures. I looked about the square as I sang. Most of the stall owners were crouching in their stalls a look to  my side would show that Aloe and Lotus were enthralled by the song. Though I wasn't shabby when it came to singing I wasn't the best when it came down to a competition. I decided to finish the song for the few in the “Audience” that enjoyed the song.

“Ochi chyornye, ochi zhguchie                                                                                                                                       Ochi strastnye i prekrasnye                                                                                                                                    Kak lyublyu ya vas, kak boyus' ya vas                                                                                                                            Znat' uvidel vas ya ne v dobryi cha-”

I drew out the final note of the song taking a step back and turning around and running as fast as I could manage.

I ran as fast as I could stumbling once or twice along the way I ran as though the black-cloaked keeper of death was at my heels. I ran with such vigor and haste I didn't take into account where I may have been heading. This factor became painfully apparent as I looked behind me to see if anypony was chasing me. As I looked I slammed into a tree and in a daze I looked around and saw a door. To confused and desperate to think I gripped the door in one of my hands and yanked the door with all of my might. Unfortunately in my haste I neglected to see the small golden “Push” sign posted on the door and I was pulled forward slamming my weight against the door and causing me to fall and slam my nose against the ground. Sitting up I rubbed my sore nose remarking on the pain.

“Six bees in a barrel, that hurt like nobody’s business...” I said holding my nose and looking at my palm to see if there was a nosebleed. There wasn't and I was thankful for that.

“Hello welcome to the Ponyville Library I’m Twi-” a voice said behind me, being cut off quickly as it realised whom it was greeting. “F-Fl-Fluttershy, please come here...” the voice said in a very quiet and scared tone.

“Someone stab my eyes out with a wooden spoon...” I said to myself quietly, turning and looking at the ponies that were addressing me. When I turned around I saw none other than Twilight Sparkle followed shortly by Fluttershy.

“Yes, Twilight?” she said in her quiet voice. Twilight only pointed a slightly shaking hoof at me. Fluttershy turned to me and looked confused, but regained her usual kind expression. “Oh, hello.” she said landing and taking a step forward. “I’ve been looking for you. You’ve been making quite a ruckus.”

My brain stopped working for a moment and the only thing that would come to mind was my times in my many foreign language classes. I pointed a finger at her and stepped back a bit saying in a feverish tone “Nein, Sie sind nicht einen Scherz mit mir wieder einen Käfig, das ist nicht gut, nicht gut.”

Fluttershy stared at me confused I calmed myself and spoke again. “I’m not letting you take me and stick me in another cage.” I said slowly, trying to make my words heard.

Fluttershy looked at me again and said in a somewhat condescending tone “We’re not going to stick you in a cage, silly.” she said with her adorable smile, “We just want to take you home to the Everfree Forest, where you belo-”

“But I don’t belong there.” I interrupted.

“Then where do you belong?” Fluttershy asked, likely wondering why a mysterious creature they had never seen before is claiming to live somewhere else than an equally mysterious habitat..

“Well, uh, I don’t really know where I belong.” I responded rubbing the back of my head “Oh I belong.. In Ponyville, that’s it... Ponyville, Canterlot, you know... Uh... Civilization.” I said after a moment of thought.

Fluttershy looked at me “Well I don’t know how you would-”

“Come on.” I said getting on my knees, bringing me to about head level with Fluttershy. Sounding a little crazed I tried to list something that would make me useful, “I can be really useful. I can fix stuff and make things.”

Fluttershy unfurled her wing and flapped down to land on the floor, proceeding to trot over to me. “Okay,” she said, “you can stay... but only on a few conditions.”

I stared at her in a begging position my hands clasped above my head until I registered what she had said. I looked at her and nodded “Thank you.” I said, tears coming to my eyes at the prospect of not having to be dragged back to the forests.

“You can stay in Ponyville... But you need to have somepony watch you. If you don’t mind, I mean...” she looked at me in more detail. “You’ve scared some of the townsponies, and stole. It’s for the best...” She said, fighting the urge to hide behind her long pink mane. “If you want to live in towns, you need to be good. Not that you’re bad! But, you... Did bad things...” She finished, fully hiding behind her hair. But she did poke her head out briefly. “I need to go now... Can you stay with Twilight until I get back? I’m not ordering you or anything...” She finished as shylu as ever, and made her way out of the library.

I stared at the door as it closed a bewildered look on my face. I turned to look at Twilight. She was staring at me in a sort of scared bewilderment. I looked at her, I had nothing to say to her so we just began several consecutive staring contests. I looked to the side and saw a single book lying on the desk, bored I reached for it. Almost immediately  the book was enveloped in a lavender glow and moved away from my hand. I looked at Twilight who was sitting in a more relaxed position seeing that I was not of great danger. I turned back to the book and reached for it again once again the book moved on its own accord away from me. I looked back to Twilight, she now had a smug grin on her face and only chuckled when I frowned at her. I looked back to the book, now at the end of the desk and pounced. Twilight, probably expecting this, levitated the book onto the floor and scooted it away. As I picked myself up off the floor where I had fallen in my attempt to grab the book I heard the faint sound of laughter but quieted as though muffled by a hoof. I looked at the book in anger. I needed to get this book more out of pride than interest at this point. I ran towards it only for it zip to the side. I was never very light on my feet and in an attempt to turn on a dime I stumbled and slammed into a wall. This carried on for a while before I managed to grip the book with my hands. Suddenly the book flew upwards taking me with it. While floating in the air, the book started to shake back and forth as though trying to shake me off. One of my hands slipped after a few moments of this and my free arm waved about frantically trying to get a hold of something.

Suddenly the lavender glow faded and I fell a good three feet, landing on my back I was a little dazed from the fall. Coming back to reality, in a sense, I started to hear a very loud sound. Laughter. Looking around I saw Twilight Sparkle sitting on her haunches and laughing a wide grin across her face. I frowned at her and looked at the book, it was called “Mathematics and Algebra’s Application to Today’s Agricultural Cultivation”. I looked at the book a little confused. I sighed and righted myself, placing the book back onto the desk. I looked around the room and saw that it was a little dirtied from the activities that had occurred. Books lay on the ground and sheets of blank paper were spread about the floor. I leaned back against the desk and looked at the door, waiting for Fluttershy to return, ignoring the laughing Twilight in front of me.