Here’s the story, of a lovely pony
Who was bringing up three very lovely mares.
All of them had manes of blue, like their mother
The youngest one don’t care.

Here’s the story, of a guy named Joseph
Who was really into beastiality.
His wife came home, a little early
‘Twas the Virgin Mary.

Then they started screaming curses at each other
And they knew that it was much more than a hunch.
That this group must now be separated.
That’s the—wait a sec, who spiked the berry punch?

I’m way too drunk, I’m way too drunk
That’s the way that I passed out on the floor. [bop bop bop]

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Dinner With the Sparkles

Chapter 4: Dinner With the Sparkles (Part One)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“I still think this thing looks stupid.” Spike deadpanned, fidgeting with his red, jewel-encrusted bowtie.

“Now Spike, we’ve talked about this,” Twilight began.

“It’s not Rarity, alright?!” Spike said, agitated “I just mean it doesn’t match the suit. Bedazzled red and black—what is this, an upper-crust funeral on the rag?”

“Spike!”

“Yeah yeah,” Spike waved his claw dismissively “I’m just saying it’s a little tacky. I’m going to a dinner party, not coaxing a geriatric into sharing a hospital bed.”

He felt a smack on the back of his head. “What has gotten into you?! Where is this vulgarity coming from?” What she didn’t know was that dragons are creatures of habit, and once something of their routine is lifted, they become, well… cranky.

‘You go from blue balls to ‘mind-blowing sex’ and back again and tell me how you feel.’ Spike thought to himself. “Sorry, alright? Just had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Well, your mind’s been spending too much time in the gutter for my taste.” Twilight responded.

“The water’s great down here, though.” Spike began, sarcastically “Maybe you should cannonball off your high horse and join the rest of us.”

“And soak in the sins of societal debauchery? No thank you, I’m holding out f-”

“If you say ‘holding out for a hero’, I’m gonna clock you.”

“Cheesy, but true. I’m not looking for some… piece of meat to have his way with me, I want my first time to be magical, with somepony I truly love!” Twilight daydreamed.

“You’re an emotionally unstable alicorn with a deity-level grasp of wizardry—of course it’s gonna be ‘magical’. Probably enough so to involuntarily send him flying to Manehattan.” He joked as he took off the bow-tie and threw it aside. He started searching for a basic black one to match his ensemble. “As for ‘somepony you truly love’, don’t set the bar too high, or else you yourself might forget what you’re truly after.”

Twilight looked at him quizzically “How do you mean?”

“If you start setting unattainable goals for ‘the one’, then your vision of him—or her, no judgment—will slowly start to fade, or worse, ruin your image of somepony close to you who might otherwise be your everything. They might be perfect for you, but the pipe dreams of storybook endings cloud your understanding and visualize them as ‘a friend at best’, and vise versa.”

Twilight stared right through him, never seeing this side of him before. “I… wow, you know more about love than I thought.” She said surprised, as he fixed his bow-tie. He picked up the red one and dangled it near his head.

“I learned from the best.”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Anyway, what about you, ‘Dr. Love’? What are your romantic goals now that your beloved’s out of the picture?”

“Just gotta figure things out one day at a time, Twi. That’s all I can hope for right now.”

“Oh please, we can’t walk down a street without a gaggle of mares ogling you.” She said with a hint of something he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“I wouldn’t use the term ‘ogling’ positively in this case. Remember the whole ‘pitchfork incident’?”

“Oh, for goodness… that was years ago, Spike! They’ve all forgiven you! They didn’t realize a dragon was residing in Equestria!”

“Sure flipped their ‘tude when they found out I was your ‘pet’.” Spike grumbled.

“You are not my ‘pet’! You are my best friend, and you are the greatest dragon I’ve ever known!” Twilight stated, poking him in the chest.

“Doesn’t exactly say much, but appreciated otherwise.” Spike responded dully.

“I’m just saying, don’t dig yourself into a hole—you’d make a great drakefriend. Could you please help me with this?” she showed her back to him to reveal a zipper in need.

“For the element of magic, your back sure is vulnerable.” He joked as he zipped her up.

“I told you, as long as I can see what I’m manipulating, I’m fine. These wings don’t help anything, either.” She flapped her wings lightly, sending bits of feather into Spike’s nose.

He sneezed rather loudly to the side, flames momentarily illuminating the room. “Don’t remind me. I could say the same for you, though—you’re not exactly rough on the eyes, either. Don’t overthink it, and I’m sure you’d make a great marefriend.”

She looked at Spike through the mirror and began to contemplate what he said. She slowly let her mind drift to similar points of distress she’d experienced in the past, with the same dragon by her side each step of the way. His way of verbally comforting her was something she wasn’t sure she could live without, and she certainly didn’t want to give it a try. She began to wonder herself what the future might hold for the both of them, but her daydreaming was halted as a claw waved in front her face.

“Hello? Equestria to Twi, you in there?” he asked as she shook herself back into reality.

“I-I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked if there was anything you wanted to bring for appetizers.”

“Oh, uh… how about those rice balls you made the other night? I’m sure they’d love to try them!”

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll meet you at the door.” He exited the room, with Twilight blankly staring at his hindquarters.

She shook herself again. ‘C’mon Twilight, this is Spike! Imagine what he’d think of you if he knew you did that!’ She looked into the mirror again. ‘But, then again… he did say I was easy on the eyes. Nopony’s said that to me before.’ A warm smile formed on her face, as she headed for the castle doors. ‘Not to mention his physique is worth analyzing.’

She slapped herself this time, trying to physically shake the thoughts from her head. “…I just need more sleep, that’s all.” She said to herself, as she used a hallway mirror to study the bags under her eyes. “I’ll have to check one of my books for a good sleep spell.”

“You could try lecturing into a mirror.” She jumped at the voice behind her. “Those never failed to put me to sleep.” She turned to see the dragon behind her with a smartass look on his face.

“Ha ha. Ever the jester, ne’er the saint.” She responded half-heartedly.

“But jesters bring joy where humor is feint!” he answered with his best Zecora impression.

“Spike, we don’t have time for this now.” Twilight deadpanned.

“’Tis not very noble to furrow one’s brow! As royalty beckons, one must not forget, that moments of glee must also be met!”

“I swear, you’re getting dumber every day,” she rubbed her forehead, but decided to add to her thought as she saw him open his mouth “‘silver’.”

“…I hate you.” He responded, visibly deflating. “Anyway, shall we mosey?”

“We shall.”

<><><><><><><><>
Meanwhile, at the Sparkle household… [I imagine Rob Paulsen narrating this]
<><><><><><><><>

“I still think this thing looks stupid.” Nacht deadpanned, fidgeting with his green paisley bowtie.

“Now honey, we’ve talked about this,” Velvet began.

“It’s not Spike, alright?!” Nacht said, agitated “I just mean it doesn’t match the suit. Paisley green and black—what is this, an X-bone swingers’ party?”

“Nacht!”

“Yeah yeah,” Nacht waved his hoof dismissively “I’m just saying it’s a little tacky. I’m hosting a dinner party, not a bachelor party for the Green Hornet.”

He felt a smack on the back of his head. “What has gotten into you? Where is this petty nonsense coming from?” What she didn’t know was that Nacht was a pony of habit, and once something of his routine is lifted, he becomes, well… cranky.

‘You go from ‘mind-blowing sex’ to blue balls and tell me how you feel.’ He thought to himself. “Sorry, alright? Just had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Well, your mind’s been spending too much time in ‘sleep mode’ for my taste.” Velvet responded.

“It’s so comfortable, though.” Nacht began, sarcastically “Maybe you should go for a dry spell and join me.”

“And soak in the stupidity of pony husbandry? No thank you, I’m holding out f-”

“If you say ‘holding out for a dragon’, I’m gonna clock you.”

“Cheesy, but true. I’m not looking for some… idiot husband to have his way with me. I want tonight to be magical, with a dragon who truly understands love!” Velvet daydreamed.

“You’re a romantically confused unicorn with a treasure trove of emotional excuses—of course you think he understands love.” He joked as he took off the bow-tie and threw it aside. He started searching for a basic black one to match his ensemble. “As for your ‘idiot rapist husband’, don’t forget that I’m the one who pays the bills around here, and I always have an out for this thing.”

Velvet looked at him quizzically “How do you mean?”

“Well, the entire family will be here tonight. Could you imagine the response if I were to reveal to them what’s been going on between you two?” he asked with a devilish grin.

“You wouldn’t dare.” She said with a cold glare.

Their thoughts were interrupted as they heard the doorbell ring. “Welp, better get going if you want tonight to be… ‘magical’.” He chided.

“Hmph,” she turned her back to him and headed for the door “just you wait and see.”

She opened the door to reveal her son and his wife. “Shiny, Cadance, so glad you could make it!” she exclaimed as she motioned them inside.

“We wouldn’t have missed it for the world!” Cadance responded. She paused for a moment as she noticed the aura around her mother-in-law had very much changed since they last met.

“…Something wrong, dear?”

“Oh, no! Just… i-it’s nothing.” She smiled warmly at her.

“So what do we got on the docket? I’m starving!” Shining exclaimed.

“Typical stallion, always thinking with his stomach first.” Cadance joked, shaking her head.

“I’m afraid one day he’s going to transform into his father!” Velvet added.

“Ha ha, good one.” Nacht said, trudging down the stairs.

“Hey Dad!” Shining exclaimed, as they exchanged a hoof-bump.

“What’s Gucci, playa?”

“Same ol’ jive, nine to five.”

“He really needs to stop listening to the radio.” The mares responded simultaneously.

“Anyway,” Velvet began, “how about you boys throw on some T.V. while I finish with dinner?”

“You got it, momma!”

“Thundercats, HOOOOOO!” They both raced toward the living room to watch their favorite show.

“Mind if I assist you in the kitchen?” Cadance asked.

“Sure!”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“So,” Cadance began, pulling the dinner plates from the cupboard “it’s rather… chipper—your aura, I mean.”

“Oh, is that so?” Velvet responded, feigning ignorance.

“Yes, very much so, at least in comparison to the last time we visited. Has anything… changed as of late?”

“…I don’t believe so. Nacht’s been coming home from work earlier, I guess that’s been a bit of a change.”

“Ah, so you’ve had more time to… enjoy each other’s company.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that much,” Velvet joked “but I have been… keeping busy, what with the new furniture and everything.”

“New furniture?” Cadance raised a brow.

“Yes, I’m afraid we were in need of a new bed, so I thought I’d surprise Nacht while he was out on a business trip. Thankfully, I was able to borrow Spike to help everything run smoothly.”

She noticed the aura grow stronger at the mention of the drake. She then remembered that the aura Velvet held didn’t mirror that of her father-in-law’s. She decided to shrug it off as mere coincidence. “Spike, huh? What’s he been up to these days?”

“Working his scales off, I’m sure. I swear, my daughter must take his kindness for granted, sometimes.” She said, shaking her head.

“How so?”

“He looked exhausted when he came by, like he had just moved a mountain for her, or something. She’s gonna work him into the grave, sooner or later.”

“Oh, you know Twilight. Always the busy-body.”

“I’m just saying she could show the poor drake a little pity. It’s like Rarity all over again.”

Cadance stopped. “Rarity? What do you mean?”

Velvet went wide-eyed, realizing she had just slipped up in front of the emblem of love.

<><><><><><><><>
Flashbacks are the poor man’s déjà vu.
<><><><><><><><>

“I still don’t know about this. Aren’t you here with your husband?”

“Oh, he’s getting shit-faced. He won’t bother me until he needs me to carry him home.”

“I still think this is a bad idea.” Spike said as he slowly walked back toward the party. “I feel like we should just stop before this gets out of hoof.” As he was about to make a third entrance into the party, he noticed another ivory unicorn with a dark grey pegasus. He quickly hid himself again. The pegasus made a lewd attempt at squeezing the unicorn’s plot, succeeded, and was followed by fake disgust and a giggle from the unicorn. She lightly pushed him away and mentioned something about saving it for their “private encounters”.

With a billow of smoke escaping his nostrils, he quickly turned around, put Velvet on his back and made a beeline for the kitchen. Velvet noticed his distain, but was unsure as to its purpose. In the brief moment she saw the unicorn, she was able to identify her as Twilight’s friend, Rarity. She couldn’t, however, understand the venom in the glance that Spike gave her. She chose to bring it up when he was more relaxed.

[Insert sexy times here.]

They both slumped over in a heap of sweat, breathing heavily. He noticed her snuggling the baguette, and chuckled. “You gonna take that thing home?”

“Just you wait and see.” She responded with a devious grin. She figured now would be an opportune time. “By the way, I noticed the look you gave to… ‘Rarity’, was it? Before we came back here… care to talk about it?”

Spike gave her the brief story of how he broke his back for her, only to have her fall for somepony else. Though he was forced to move on, she couldn’t help but notice the pain in his eyes as he recollected his tales of struggle and hardship, all for the pony he truly loved.

“…and, well, here we all are—a pony who needs love, and a dragon with not much left to give.”

“Oh, Spike…” she rubbed his cheek “you are the most loving being I’ve ever met. Don’t ever change, especially not for somepony too ignorant to notice the perfect drake in front of them.” She lightly kissed his cheek, and walked out of the room. ‘Dammit, if only I had met him first…’

<><><><><><><><>
[No Nacht = No Twi, No Twi = No Spike. Math is depressing!]
<><><><><><><><>

“Uh…” Velvet stalled to come up with a valid excuse “well, when Rarity was in town a few years back, Twilight gave her quite a list of books she needed from the Canterlot Library. Poor Rarity had enough to do while she was here, and Twilight gave her enough work to drive her insane!” she responded with an airy chuckle. ‘Why the hell am I defending that witch?’ she thought to herself.

“Oh… well yes, I suppose she does tend to ask a lot from some ponies.”

*Ding-dong*

“Oh, speak of the devil; that must be her now! Could you be a dear and finish setting up while I answer the door?”

“Uh, sure!” Cadance responded, weakly. She continued setting the table as she heard the door open.

“Why hello Twilight, dear! And hello~ to you, Spike!” She noticed the tone change greatly on the second greeting.

“Hi, Mom!”

“Hi Ve-… *cough* Mrs. Sparkle…” Spike corrected himself.

“Why don’t you both get comfortable while we finish setting up?”

“Sure thing!” she heard Twilight say.

“Yeah, just gotta… ‘freshen up’ first. Be right back.” Cadance heard footsteps nearing the dining room. As quickly as she noticed them, the drake had rushed in the room and passed her. “Hi, Cadance!” he said in a rushed tone.

“Hi, Spike.” She responded, catching his aura as he rushed by. It was very similar to Velvet’s, at least that’s what she could briefly read. She wasn’t able to shake the feeling that something was going on between them. ‘Hmm, maybe it’s nothing… I should probably keep an eye on them though, just to be safe.’ She thought to herself. As she finished setting the table, she made her way into the living room to greet her in-law. “Twilight!” she exclaimed.

“Cadance!” she jumped up and hugged her favorite foalsitter, followed by their trademarked goofy greeting. “It’s so great to see you! How’s the Empire?”

“Oh you know—same old, same old.” She answered, waving her hoof dismissively. “How’s the ‘smile and wave’ business coming?” She put on a dopey smile and a limp wave to emphasize her question.

“Ha ha, I wish it were that simple.” She rolled her eyes. “I will say, though, it’s been much easier as of late. I must be doing something right if Gala preparation has been the most stressful thing going on!” she chuckled lightly.

“Up-bup-bup.” Nacht raised his hoof to silence the room. “Best part’s coming up.” The group fell quiet and looked at the television.

A mare with a hoof-held camera made her way to the basement. “MIIIKE! MIIIIIIKE!” She searched around frantically for her friend, only to find him standing alone, facing the far corner of the room. “MI-AAAAAH! AAAH! AAAAAH!!” The camera then fell and everything went silent.

“Ah, a classic!” Nacht exclaimed, hoof-bumping his son.

“The hell’s wrong with you?” Velvet asked.

“What? I thought you liked that movie!” Nacht responded defensively.

“I think you’re mistaken.” Her response was a sort of deadpanned sarcasm.

“Eh, I don’t know,” the dragon began, entering the room “I’ve always been more of a ‘Pony Centipede’ guy, myself.”

“Spike!” Twilight yelled.

“Especially the part in the second one, you know, with the baby?” he asked, pointing expectantly to his brother-in-law.

Cadance shot a glare at her husband. “Don’t you dare tell me you’ve seen that rubbish.”

“Well… maybe once, or…” he trailed off and looked around, blushing.

His mother threw in her two bits. “I’d expect that sort of thing from these two” she jerked her head toward her husband and son “but Spike, I’m surprised!” her tone quickly changed from serious to sarcastic. “You always struck me as the ‘sensitive’ type.”

“Oh Mrs. Sparkle, I try so hard to be a pleasant, active member of society,” he mirrored her theatrical sarcasm “but I can only do so much, what with being enslaved by a power-hungry, socially-awkward alicorn and all.”

“Hey!” the lavender mare shot up. “Don’t make me sound like some crazy tyrant! You’ve been to plenty of social gatherings, and I don’t ever recall demanding you to wait on me hoof-in-claw!”

“And she lies to her own mother! If only I were a slave to somepony as gentle and hospitable as you!” he cowered, gripping his host’s hoof while shaking.

“Oh Spike, dear…” she blushed and lifted his head with her hooves “it’s not too late to save you from my daughter’s sinister clutches—I can sense there’s still some good left in you!”

“Hey!”

“Oh I wish it were that simple, Mrs. Sparkle, but I’m afraid the stains on my soul are too deep to be cleansed!” He shielded his eyes with his forearm for dramatic effect.

“Dear, you forget I’m Nacht’s wife. If there’s one thing I know, it’s ‘cleansing stains’.”

“MOM!” her two children exclaimed, covering their ears.

“T.M.I.” Spike broke character, cringing.

“I agree.” Cadance added, shooting her father-in-law a discrediting look.

“Eh, too desensitized to care.” Nacht shrugged. “Get on our level, scrubs.”

“A~nd on that note, I believe the potatoes are ready! Let’s eat!” Velvet announced, changing the subject.

“Yes, the perfect match to the thought of your husband’s bodily fluids.” Spike deadpanned.

“Spike!” Twilight yelled once more.

“What? You heard the stallion, I’m getting on their level.” He shrugged.

“Mom, what has gotten into you?!” Twilight ignored her assistant and shot her mother a glare.

Velvet chuckled to herself. “‘What’, indeed.” She shot Spike a quick, sultry look and continued to the kitchen. This did not go unnoticed by the other mares.

“Spike, I don’t need you corrupting my mother. It’s bad enough there’s one of you.”

“And I call that a problem.” He responded. He looked over to Cadance, who was giving him an analytical stare. “Something wrong, Cadance?”

“…No, not really, just thinking.” She answered in a despondent tone. “We’d better hurry while the food’s still hot.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” They all made their way to the food-eating-time room.

<><><><><><><><>
Half a Dinner Later…
<><><><><><><><>

“Mmm, the potatoes are as great as ever, Mom!” Twilight exclaimed between bites.

“Thank you, dear. Oregano and a touch of vinegar; true magic!”

Spike bit his lower lip, squinted his eyes and slowly crept his head toward Twilight. When his mouth was near her ear he whispered in an animated voice “…but I thought friendship was magic!” His warm breath against her ear threw her off guard. With a heavy blush, she punched him in the arm. “OW!”

“Keep your clichés to yourself.”

“Don’t be so hard on him, dear. Doesn’t your friend Pinkie do the whole ‘fourth wall’ thing all the time?” her mother asked, defending her scaly lover.

“Yes, but I don’t see her for the majority of each day. This one doesn’t need any more ‘friendly influence’.” Twilight responded, slightly agitated.

“You’re just jealous ‘cause Discord likes me more.” He said with a smirk.

“And that’s something to be proud of?”

“With what we’re both capable of, absolutely.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and continued eating. Cadance chose to address what she felt was the elephant in the room. “So, Mrs. Spark-”

“Please dear, I’m practically your mother. At least call me ‘Velvet’.”

“Err, Velvet… you mentioned needing a new mattress. What happened to the old one?”

“Oh yes, that sack of dust was on its way out the door. I was afraid the old thing was going to break in half soon!”

Twilight looked at her mother lifted her brow. She recalled Spike mentioning that the mattress looked fine, but it needed recalled for hazard reasons.

“So,” Cadance continued “why did you need Spike to help you?”

Velvet stopped eating and gave Cadance a quizzical look. She took several moments to respond, “Oh, I figured it’d give the poor dear a break from his hectic castle life. I swear, Twilight’s gonna work him to death before long.” She answered, looking at her daughter and giggling.

“Oh please, Mom.” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. “If you saw what little he actually did, you wouldn’t be saying that. Aside from eating and sleeping, I typically have to nag him for half the day to get him to do anything.”

“I know that feel.” Her mother deadpanned, staring lazily at her husband. He simply rolled his eyes and continued eating.

Cadance wasn’t going to let her change the topic that easily. “So you brought him over… just to help you with a mattress?”

Her quizzical look became more annoyed. She slowly put down her silverware and gave her full attention to her daughter-in-law. “If you MUST know, there were also some recipes that I wanted to try with gems I had laying around. He’s a friend of the family, not to mention the savior of your empire. Mutual recognition never hurt anypony.” Cadance’s eyes narrowed.

“You never cook for me like that, honey.” Nacht stated with the same expression, remembering the numerous dishes in the wash following his return that night.

“That’s because I never know when you’re coming home, dear.” She stared daggers at him. The electricity between the two was practically visible.

“You didn’t tell me she cooked for you.” Twilight whispered to Spike. He looked around, sweating slightly. The tension in the room was growing by the second.

He grasped his stomach. “Ugh, something’s not agreeing with me… I’ll be right back.” He rushed back into the bathroom. He could hear the arguing continue as he made his way to the porcelain throne. He quickly locked the door and stared into the mirror. “Oh man, this isn’t good. At this rate, all hell’s gonna break loose before the night’s over.” He sat on the seat cover and thought of how he could get out of this.

Meanwhile, the interrogation continued in the dining room. Twilight chose to bring up another question to her mother. “Hey Mom, did you have Spike do anything else while he was over?”

“W-whatever do you mean, sweetie?” she responded nervously. A blush grew heavy on her face as she began fidgeting under the table.

“He didn’t mention you cooked for him. He also mentioned you wanted to show something to him. What was it again?” she asked, recalling Spike’s mention of gem soaps.

“Hmm, I do believe I wanted to show him the soaps we picked up from New Mexicolt. They have these delightful bits of emerald and sapphire in them!” ‘Thank Celestia he told me about the soap and cable excuses at the Gala.’ “I also had him check out our cable while he was here. I mentioned we’d had static problems as of late, and he jumped right to it!” Her fidgeting continued, while Cadance remained unfazed.

“…‘Cable’, huh?” she asked sarcastically.

“Honey, is something wrong? You’re asking Mom a lot of questions.” Shining rubbed his wife’s back, trying to comfort her.

Cadance finally gained a hold of herself, realizing she sounded as if she was accusing her mother-in-law of something in front of the whole family. “No, I’m fine. I’ve just been over-thinking a lot as of late.” She answered gently, rubbing her head.

“Well, I’m gonna go check on the pie.” Velvet announced, exiting the dining room while covering her backside with her tail. All the accusations from the family reminded her of the details regarding that magical night. Needless to say, she’d have to clean the floor once everypony left.

She heard a loud sniff. “Does anypony else smell that?” she heard Twilight ask. Her pace quickened as she shuffled to the kitchen.

‘Oh poo, this isn’t good. At this rate, I’ll never get any alone time with him!’ she thought, as she pulled the pie out of the oven. ‘Wait a sec… he’s in the ba…’ a smile crept on her face as she made sure to teleport as quietly as possible.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Spike continued to think as the bathroom lit up, causing him to shield his eyes. His pearly mistress appeared before him. “V-V-Velvet!” he exclaimed in a hushed tone. “What the hell do you think you’re doing here?”

“Oh, I can’t help it! The way they were talking, the accusations—I couldn’t help but think of those passionate nights. The way you put those firm claws around me, your demanding hips… mmm, please, I really need this!” she said, unzipping his slacks with her mouth and fishing out his dicks with her magic.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

As they continued eating, Cadance began to feel worse and worse. “…I feel like I should apologize.” She said as she stood up, making her way to the kitchen.

“Hmm, Spike has been in the bathroom for quite a while.” Twilight began, “I’m gonna go check on him.” She also rose and made her way to the restroom.

Nacht and Shining continued to eat in silence, until Nacht spoke up. “Mares, right?”

Shining chuckled with his mouth shut and nodded lightly.

“Spike has the right idea, keeping his options open. Don’t know why a hunk like him is wasting his time on married mares, though.”

“Hmm, whmmd ym mmmn?” Shining asked with a mouth full of potatoes.

Just as he asked, they heard what sounded like an upstairs door getting kicked in. With a devious grin, Nacht responded “You’re about to find out.”

<><><><><><><><>
Moments Earlier…
<><><><><><><><>

Cadance began to speak as she entered the kitchen. “Hey Velvet, I’m really sorry. Things have just been re-” she stopped, as she realized that her voice was directed to a lone pie sitting atop an unmanned stove. She quickly looked around, as her hoof slipped slightly on the linoleum floor. She noticed what appeared to be a small liquid trail from her to her mother-in-law’s seat in the dining room. ‘She didn’t.’ It was then her horn that alerted her of an extreme aura emanating from upstairs. ‘She ISN’T!’ She quickly teleported upstairs.

<><><><><><><><>
In the Bathroom…
<><><><><><><><>

Velvet began slobbing on his knobs, as he struggled to maintain a calm demeanor. A mess of scenarios ran through his head, none of which went in his favor. Several minutes later, he heard a knock on the door.

“Spi~ke? Are you ok in there?” Twilight asked from outside.

“Y-y-yeah, I’m fine! J-just… need a few more minutes!”

“Well, alright. You’d better hurry, or you’ll miss out on Mom’s pie!”

‘I will if you don’t leave soon.’ “Alright, Twi, I’ll be right out!”

“Oh, what’s this?” Velvet asked quietly enough so only Spike could hear. “You’ve gotten much harder—is the thought of my daughter walking in on us that arousing?”

“S-shut up!” he whispered.

“Or maybe you want her to… join us?”

“As if!” he said with a crimson face.

“Oh please, Spike. You and I both know you’re perfect for each other.”

“Says her sex-crazed mother while my dingus is smearing her make-up!”

Just then, they heard what sounded like somepony teleporting, “Don’t worry, Cadance,” he heard Twilight say “Spike’ll be right ou-”

Before she could finish her sentence, Cadance kicked in the door, and the alicorns got a good look at their host deep-throating her scaly guest. She froze and stared blankly at them, only letting a light ‘gag’ escape her mouth.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

To Be Continued...

Author's Note

TL;DR video version: