Pony In The House!

It's 2am and I'm playin' Borderlands 2 on my PC, trying to kill the BNK3R as an under leveled Mechromancer while a cyan colored pegasus with a rainbow mane and a tattoo on its arse sleeps soundly in my bed.

So what was your day like?

My parents are out on a vacation for the school holidays, which is roughly 4 months. So that's a plus I guess. Least I won't have to explain why a pegasus is sleeping in my bed. Speaking of beds, where the fuck am I gunna sleep?

I look to my left, then my right. I face my screen and crack my knuckles.

Who needs sleep?

I grab my mouse and rest my hand on the WASD keys. Time to kill a flying arsenal of doom.

-

Well, this morning was embarrassing. I woke up with Rainbow Dash on my lap slapping my face. Wanna know why? Because I fell asleep at the keyboard. She woke me up because I accidently disconnected the headset in my sleep and the sound of mortars and bullets rang through my speakers.

"What in Celestias name is that thing anyway?"

I disconnect the speakers and turn my head to her.

"It's called a Desktop Computer. They're expensive, but worth the money."

She shook her head and leaned in closer with a look of bewilderment.

"But what does it do?"

I shrug and stand up straight.

"A whole lot of things. I mainly use it for video games and music."

She cocked her head to the left in confusion.

"That...thing can play music and video games?"

I nod my head and sit back in my chair. I wave my hand across the screen and throw her a grin.

"This game for example is called Borderlands 2. Personally, I love it."

I scoot away from the desk and let her see the screen. I was getting shot by Loaders but I had died countless times already so it didn't matter. She jumps back on the bed to get a better view.

"So, what do you do in it?"

I cross my arms and lean back slightly.

"You play as a Vault Hunter. Sorta like an intergalactic treasure hunter. You run through missions killing people and looting stuff-"

"What!? You kill ponies in the game?!"

I quickly turned my head to her. She looked very angry.

"Not real people. They're all fake, Rainbow."

She seemed to calm down after I said that.

"Are there any peaceful games?"

I shrug.

"Probably. I don't play games unless I get to kill something."

"Do you have any games without killing in them?"

I nod, staring at my screen.

"I have some, but you can't play them."

"Aw. Why not?"

I shrugged and laughed, throwing her a grin.

"You need hands to play any of my games."

She blushed lightly and I scoot back to my desk.

"I'm bored."

I sighed and exited Borderlands 2, spinning around on my chair to face her. We stared at each other for a moment in complete silence.

"I'm hungry."

"Me too."

"Wanna eat?"

"Sure."

~Few Minutes Later

I was searching through my fridge in the kitchen for some munchies for me and Dash. I had my head stuck inside, moving stuff around trying to find something to eat.

'Hmmm....Found some ham. Guess she would be a herbivore though. Ah-ha!'

From the deep, freezing depths of The Cold Lands, I pull out two bags of the most holy of mans creations. The pinnacle of creative design. The most blessed and loved creation in history.

Dash stared at the bags strangely, while I wear my goofy as fuck grin.

"What...are those?"

I rush over next to her and drop the bags on the table in front of us.

"These, my dear Dash, are the greatest treats my species has procured in all of its time. Pods."

I picked up one of the bags and ripped it open. I placed it in front of her and pick up the other bag. She reached into the bag and pulled out one of the little delicious treasures. She sniffed it while I drop back in the seat and rip my bag open with ease. She shoved the treat into her mouth and started chewing.

Her expression changed rapidly.

Her face went from curiosity to absolute bliss. I crack a grin and pop one in my mouth. She was staring out into space like she could see beyond the folds of space-time.

"These. Are. Delicious."

I laugh and nod my head, placing another in my mouth.

"Yes they are. Glad I have a lot of these."

She nodded and reached back in the bag, grabbing another delicious treat. She barked a laugh as she placed it in her mouth.

"My friend Pinkie Pie would love to get her hooves on these."

Her demeanor changed to one of sadness.

"...Pinkie Pie..."

She looked down to the floor. I sighed and placed my bag on the table as I stand up. She looked up at me with worry.

"What are yo- WOAH!"

In one swift movement, I scooped her up and walked into the lounge room with her in my arms. She was squirming the entire time.

"Oi! Crystal! Put me down!"

I carefully go on one knee and sit her on the couch. Had to be cautious of her injuries. I stood back up and walked over to the massive T.V we had set up. I kneel down and turn on the XBox 360 system we had. I placed a Kinect game into the machine.

"What are you doing?"

I smile and stand up, spinning around to face her.

"You said you wanted to play a video game, right? So we'll play a video game."

If the Kinect doesn't sense her, I'm gunna be so angry.

"I thought you said I needed hands to play any of your games?"

I smiled and jumped like a madman.

"The point of this game is that you don't need hands. All you need is a body and your good to go."

She smiled widely and leaped up as the start screen for Just Dance 4 appeared on screen. I use my hand and cycle through the songs, landing on So What by P!nk. I leaned down to her level.

"All you have to do is dance like the coach on screen does. It exhausts you quickly, but it's fun as hell."

She nodded and I looked to the screen, returning to my full height. Good. The Kinect registers her. As the lyrics came on screen, I sang along as I danced.

Na-na-na-na, na-na, na

Na-na-na-na na-na

Na-na-na-na, na-na, na

Na-na-na-na na-na

I noticed Dash eyed me weirdly, but I didn't care. I loved this song.

I guess I just lost my husband

I don't know where he went

So I'm gonna drink my money

I'm not gonna pay his rent

(Nope!)

I got a brand new attitude

And I'm gonna wear it tonight

I'm gonna get in trouble

I wanna start a fight

Na-na-na-na, na-na, na

I wanna start a fight

Na-na-na-na, na-na, na

I wanna start a fight!

By this time, me and Dash were tied. She was doing pretty good for a beginner.

So, so what?

I'm still a rock star

I got my rock moves

And I don't need you

And guess what

I'm having more fun

And now that we're done

I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright

I'm just fine

And you're a tool

So, so what?

I am a rock star

I got my rock moves

And I don't want you tonight

Still tied. Goddamn, she's good. Don't ask me how a pony is dancing like a human, not even I know at this point. I was still singing along.

Uh, check my flow, uh

The waiter just took my table

And gave it to Jessica Simp, shit!

I guess I'll go sit with drum boy

At least he'll know how to hit

Dash started singing along with me. Holy fucking shit her singing voice is phenomenal.

What if this song's on the radio

Then somebody's gonna die

I'm gonna get in trouble

My ex will start a fight

Na-na-na-na, na-na, na

He's gonna start a fight

Na-na-na-na, na-na, na

We're all gonna get in a fight!

So, so what?

I'm still a rock star

I got my rock moves

And I don't need you

And guess what

I'm having more fun

And now that we're done

I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright

I'm just fine

And you're a tool

So, so what?

I am a rock star

I got my rock moves

And I don't want you tonight

Still tied. Dash is awesome at this!

You weren't there

You never were

You want it all

But that's not fair

I gave you life

I gave my all

You weren't there

You let me fall

So, so what?

I'm still a rock star

I got my rock moves

And I don't need you

And guess what

I'm having more fun

And now that we're done

I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright

I'm just fine

And you're a tool

So, so what?

I am a rock star

I got my rock moves

And I don't want you tonight

No no, no no

I don't want you tonight

You weren't there

I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright

I'm just fine

And you're a tool

So, so what?

I am a rock star

I got my rock moves

And I don't want you tonight

Ba-da-da-da, da-da

I blew a raspberry just as P!nk did on screen. That was my favorite part. I looked to Dash while panting. This game takes it out of you!

"How...How was that?"

Dash wasn't even panting! Holy crap, she has great stamina. She had an expressionless look on her face as she stares at the screen.

"Um, Dash?"

I leaned down and waved a hand in front of her. She smirked, then turned her head to me with the biggest grin I've ever seen.

"Ha! I won! Can't believe you lost by 1,000 points!"

I smiled and chuckled. This pony was something else, I swear. She turned around and exited the room as I was turning the system off. I could hear her mumbling from the kitchen.

"Sweet Celestia, these taste good."

I laugh heartily and walked into the kitchen, joining her in the consuming of mans greatest treat.