Razzle Dazzle

Razzle Dazzle jolted awake. She tossed the blankets and pillows into the corner because she needed as much space as possible. She stared into her mirror. Why can’t I just dream of things that are happening now? She asked herself sadly. Her dim gray mane was a mess. She pulled out a brush to pull through her silvery coat and another for her wavy mane. She brushed her coat and hummed a little.
“Get along little pony,” she sung to herself.

“Dazzle!” Snake Oil barked from outside. “Hurry up. You’ve gotta hurry. Don’t make me come in there again!”

“Yeah!” Razzle Dazzle shot back. She shook her head as if to shake the song out. She brushed her mane hurriedly. She was lifted her outfit out of her chest. Her silvery mist carried it over to her. She draped its parts from the various hooks long her mirror.

“Dazzle!” He called again. “Get out here! We still have to put the tent up!” She checked herself in the mirror and then trotted out onto the green field. The red tent hung over the main pole, pulled out in several corners by various ponies. The tent hung down like a mother’s dress on her little girl. Several stallions, Connor among them, were pulling out the ropes to fill it out. His wings flared out behind him as he pulled the rope taut with his mouth. Razz ran over to him, pulling a peg out of the tools with her magic.

“Morning Pops! Need some help?” She asked, smiling wide. He glared at her. She shrugged. “If that’s how you feel.” She trotted off to one of the other inner ropes, where a young powder blue stallion strained against the rope.
“Need some help?” she asked. He nodded furiously. The yellow rope popped out of his mouth as her silvery magic pulled it out and she staked it down.

“Hey, didn’t have to do it like that!” He said. She shrugged.

“Made it easier didn’t it?” She asked. He frowned at her. Razz looked around. It looked like the main ropes were staked. The stallion stomped off to one of the outer ropes.

“Almost there! Just a few more of the outer ropes!” Snake Oil shouted. He was dressed in a red tailcoat and wearing a candy apple red top hat with a black ribbon. Everyone else was getting the outer ropes and Razz saw no need for her help. She took in a deep breath. The bright blue sky was mostly clear, with a few white clouds, probably some local Pegasai either being lazy or decorative. Mom would get when Blue would do stuff like that, Razz thought. She lowered her head into the grass.

“Almost, Dazzle! Back on your hooves!” Snake Oil called. She pulled herself up and trotted over to the rope next to Connor and continued away from the tent, the rope pulling out behind her, firmly in the grip of her silver aura. She stopped and looked at the taut rope. That’s good, she decided, and she lowered the small rope. She stuck the wooden peg into the ground and stomped on it.

“Atta girl, Razz,” Connor said, nodding slightly. “No need to bother with the hammers.”

“And I didn’t believe you.” She smiled at him. He frowned. Behind them the Juggling Twins stood perched on their rainbow balls, their cream colored wings spread out for balance. Several stage ponies carried stacks of buckets to the concession wagons.

“I’m more than a bunch of flying tricks, Razz.” He shook his head and his midnight blue mane. “But tricks are all people ever get out of me,” he sighed. She sidled up to him.

“I know, Pops. I know,” She said. She nuzzled him.

“Well done everyone!” Snake Oil’s booming voice interrupted. “Now get ready for the show. Juggling Twins, I’d like you to find some time to practice before going on stage! You’ll be first as usual. Everyone else, no dawdling. I want an excellent show today!” At the sound of their name, the young twins toppled off their balls and an older Pegasus mare swooped in to check on them.

“Are you feeling good enough for today?” Connor asked as soon as Snake Oil was quiet. He turned to look at her. Snake Oil trotted off, probably to set up the ticket booth as usual. A wilted daisy lay by her hoof. It was a brighter blue once, Razz thought. Lilyvale was full of them.

“Yeah. Are you feeling up to your act?” She replied, looking at his face. His composed and neutral face, as always, told her nothing.

“Of course. This old Contortionist’s as flexible as ever.” He looked at her and smiled. He bent his hoof back to demonstrate. “You look after yourself. You know your performance hinges on your wellness.”

“Yeah, Pops. I know.” She kicked at the dirt. The sizzle of the concession fryers hissed in the background. She could faintly smell the pastries.

“Don’t push yourself. Keep positive and keep focused,” Connor told him.

She cantered back over to her coach. It was a tight fit, but it was home.

She went back to brushing her mane. Her outfit hung draped from the various hooks along her mirror. She slipped her translucent white stockings over her rear legs. She reached back and pulled each one up with her mouth. She pulled on the front pair over her silvery legs. She pulled down her black vest, shoved herself into it, and stepped into her cerulean shoes. She slipped into her long dark blue skirt, and checked herself in the mirror, brushed a few more times and sighed. Only the grey of her face and mane was visible. She put her brushes away. She shut her eyes.

Lilyvale was full of blue daisies like that, Razz thought.

Razz shook her head. Gotta practice before the show. I want… Images of green fields speckled with blue daisies and lilies slipped through her mind. What do I want? A rose for the show, she thought, conjuring up and focusing on the image. I want a rose. Red as the tent flaps.

Blue loved those daisies.

A single rose, straight stemmed, no thorns. I want a bed- No. A rose. She opened her eyes. Floating a few inches in front of her were two red roses emerging from a single stem. They were shrouded in the silvery shimmer of her magic. One was red and the other was violet.

“Not again!” She muttered, “I’ve got to focus.” The roses whirled together, a blur of purple and green for a moment, dissolving and reformed into two separate roses. Much better, she thought, but I still only wanted one. They dissipated and Razz turned to look back into the mirror. Gotta focus, she thought.

“Razz,” Connor called, “Oily wants you go on before me. Are you ready?” She trotted out the door.

“Yes, how long?” She glanced over at him. He was watching her and he was panting.

“Few minutes. Best be ready to go out there now.” He turned and galloped toward the tent. She followed him at a much more leisurely pace, trotting past and taking a look at several blue daisy clusters. Best use daisies in the show, she thought. Blue used to wear them in her hair. There was a large patch of lavender a few feet away from the tent. She bent down and took a deep breath. Mom loved lavender .Probably still does.

“Razzle Dazzle!” Roared Snake Oil, “We haven’t got time to nibble at flowers! We’ve got to get this show going! I swear, if I have to get you blinders I will!” She drew up to the flap in the tent. “Get out there!” He nudged her, spurring her on through the flap.

There was a spectacular array of lights shining down on the ring. Rising up around her on the far half of the circle were the five tiered seats. The first three rows were packed tight with a perfect pallet of ponies. The twins were out in front already balanced precariously on their rainbow balls juggling with their wings. Balls and trinkets of red, pink, green, and blue flew up in a blur, paused, and fell with a blur. The fillies and foals in the first few rows were cheering and stomping, their faces alight. Snake Oil hopped up onto the platform in the center of the ring.

“Can we get a few hooves for the Twins?” The clatter of hooves banged around the tent. Cheers bounced about. “The Twins, Fillies and Gentlecolts!” The Twins bowed, catching the bright balls in their basketed wings. The Twins rolled out of the ring balanced precariously on their balls.

“Pay special attention to our next act, everypony, for she’s rather singular! Come on up and present yourself, girl.” She trotted toward the platform. Time for the show, she told herself.
“She’s an illustrator of illusions! A magician of images! A spinner of spectacles! A fabricator of phantasmagorian fantasies!” She circled the stand where Snake Oil stood introducing her. She raised up the forms of daisies as she walked. “A mistress of the imagination,” She pulled herself up onto the platform. “Fillies and Gentlecolts, please give a hearty welcome to our very special Razzle Dazzle!” Razz bowed to the thundering audience. Snake Oil stepped off the platform as she took up her spot. She drew herself up.

The crowd stared down at her from the stands, expectant. The show had begun. Razz bowed to the thundering audience, letting off a few flashes and fireworks.

“Watch closely, everypony,” she announced.

Her silvery mist billowed about her to float heavy around the floor of the dusty ring. The first two rows were filled with bright eyed fillies and colts peering intently into the ring. She smiled. Out of the mist, she raised several paper birds which flew about the fillies and colts, who cheered and giggled in glee and awe. The older audience rolled their eyes.
She sent a bird up near them, a resplendent ruby and sapphire beauty. It fluttered about them until she sent an orange and yellow dragon swooping to swallow it. They recoiled in surprise. The fillies didn’t see it.

There was a young mare amongst the fillies, with a blue daisy in her mane.

The dragon swooped across the arena, and looped. The paper birds had disappeared, and the dragon caught the fillies’ and colts’ attention. They watched with their mouths open. The dragon soared and swung high about the upper parts of the tent, firing colorful fireworks from his mouth.

“Is there anyone brave enough to challenge the dragon?” She asked the audience. The fillies and colts leaned forward. A few looked up at the older ponies, perhaps expecting one of their parents to step up. Several stallions sneered.

“Fear not, everypony!” Razz said. She made only two pegasai on accident. The two blue pegasai wove around the dragon, evading it and never quite hitting it. They swirled about it so fast at times that the dragon turned blue every few moments. The dragon now flew toward the audience. The pegasai floated about him like flies. The pegasai then diverged forty five degrees from the dragon. They morphed into banners that draped themselves along the pegasais’ trajectory. The audience gasped.

“All is not lost, Fillies and Gentlecolts!” Razzle Dazzle cried. The dragon shot a gust of breath past the audience and looped away. Razz had shut her eyes to everything but her show. The audience oohed and ahhed at the dragon’s sparking antics. The mare’s head followed the flight of the dragon, turning as the dragon’s slipstream shook the ribbons and stole her attention. The dragon shot several more colorful fireworks from his mouth as he soared around the crowd. He somersaulted and came straight for the audience. Many of the ponies dove behind their seats. Several ponies were screaming. Others were frozen. The dragon exploded a few inches from the audience, showering them with sparkles and petals.

“Behold!” Razzle Dazzle bellowed.

The mare had covered her face with her hooves. She was probably whimpering as well. Blue was upset easily.
The bird emerged from the glittering haze. The audience was flabbergasted. Razz pulled some of the glittery mist together into a half dozen roses. The bird soared around the audience. Several fillies reached out to pet it. The bird settled on the mare and spread out its wings.

Razz tossed the roses out to the audience. The fillies and colts were admiring the bird, along with several mares and stallions. She was smiling to all of them. Several mares, mostly young, leapt for the roses. The roses disappeared as soon as the mares touched them.

She made flowers appear all over the riser and butterflies frequent the flowers all over the tent. These stayed.

“Such a pretty bird isn’t it?” Razz asked the audience. Most of the audience cheered. She smiled. The bird took flight, its tail and wings displaying their full glittering majesty as it flew back to Razz.

Almost done. She thought. Thank heavens nothing’s happened. She ignored the butterfly that floated past her, which had a thin red ribbony tongue rather than a black proboscis.
And now for the final trick to surprise them all, she thought. The bird faded as it neared her, until it disappeared. The audience let out a collective sigh.

Wings, pointier horn, Razz thought, and a better fate. She frowned, squeezed her eyes tighter, and hid herself in a lustrious flash. They would see her emerge an Alicorn! She heard her audience gasp. Wait, they aren’t supposed to be scared, she thought. She opened her eyes in panic, stepping forward to the edge of her platform. Play it cool.

Razzle Dazzle cried out, “No pony can outdo my tricks!” She turned, pointed her horn high, and hopped off the platform, her wings making a low buzz. She glided to the ground, setting off several fireworks as she landed. She sauntered past Oily, who looked rather flustered, and he gave her a wide eyed parting glance.

What’s gotten him? She wondered as she strode out of the tent. She heard Oily ‘s voice echo around the tent. I wonder how long I can keep this illusion up? She wondered.

The lawn was empty, no one had come to get a glance at her finale or greet her as she returned to her wagon. Where’s Pops? She worried. He’s always here. I must’ve screwed something up.

She dashed off to her wagon and leapt in front of the mirror. And she stared.
She had made herself into a muddy gray changeling. She just stood there.
We don’t like liars. We are an honest town and we have little to do with your trickery.

She gritted her teeth and shut her eyes. Go away! She thought. I don’t want to remember! She opened her eyes again. She was still the same muddy gray. Still a changeling. She slipped out of her costume and put it away. She began trotting around in a tight circle, head down and eyes closed. I don’t want to be a changeling. I’m a unicorn! She remembered her mother’s frown.

“I’m not a liar!” She repeated to herself. “Not a liar!” A parade of mares and stallions to witness. Her mother’s rage. The scattered petals. An illusion. A lie.

“We are better than these tricks,” her mother always told her. Razz’s hooves clattered against the floor. What do I do? She stopped, squeezed her eyes shut. She took a deep breath.

I’ve got to calm down. She took in a deep breath and let it out. She imagined green fields and blue flowers. It’s just me. A giggling filly chasing a bird, chasing the bird she made. She tried again, and opened her eyes. Pupils. No buzzing and no wings. Yes, she thought and sighed. It worked. Just got to keep calm. She smiled and wobbled slightly. She wiped her eye with her hoof.

There came a loud banging on the door. "Are you all right?" wheezed Connor. She dragged herself to the door and let him in. He was panting, mouth agape. His eyes were shiny.

"How are you?" He asked again in a single breath.

"Better," she said, dropping down onto her haunches. She looked at the floorboards.

"What happened?" He asked. She saw his hoof out of the corner of her eye.

"I lost focus, I guess. It's all fixed." She replied. She shifted her weight.

"Tell me what you were thinking. What upset you? Please, look at me and tell me Razz." His voice had become soft like a bed of flowers or a cloud even though it came out between gusts of breath. There was a wood knot near his hoof. He smelled like hay.

"I was just tired. That's all." She told him.

"That's not all and you know it. Razz, please tell me, you know I'm here for you girl. I can't help you if you don't tell me." His hoof disappeared. She felt him drape a wing and a foreleg over her.

"I don't need help, thanks." She replied, pulling herself up into a straighter pose. "I'll let you know when I do." He stepped back.

"If you say so Razz. Whistle if you need me. I’ll be where I always am. I’m worried about you.” He walked slowly out of the room. She stood up and watched him close the door. She locked it and fell back to the ground.

I'm a full grown mare, I don't need help, she thought. Besides, this is for me to figure out and solve. She stood up. It's my magic. My life. I don't need someone else to straighten it out for me or decide for me. She went to the mirror and sighed. She began to pace again. I have to decide what my magic is. It’s not a lie. I know that much.

She stopped at her tiny window and looked out. Ponies were rushing every which way on errands Razz didn’t care to know. Why can’t I focus? She thought. It’s been getting worse. Every time I go out there everything keeps coming back. Why can’t I forget? Why aren’t blue daisies as uncommon as they used to be? Why isn’t there a trick to forgetting? She saw Connor and turned away from the window. She could hear him singing a familiar tune.

“Get along little pony, get along , it's all your misfortune and none of my own,” Connor sang in a deep voice. Dad, she thought. He used to sing it to her at night like a lullabye. He said he sang it a lot when he used to travel. She sighed. Why can't I go back? They threw me out because I was a lair, but am I?

She laid down in her bed, listening to Connor's voice fade off into the distance.

"Get along little filly, get along," Her father sang to her, "It's all your misfortune and none of my own." He stood next to her. His wing wasn't draped over her like it usually was. He looked ill and worn, like he had looked in the end.

He looked at her. "Move along."

"I can't keep going. I'm just running away."

"Move along." He walked ahead of her.

"I want to at least return to explain myself! I don't want my entire life to be summed up as an exile and shame. I want them to realize I'm not a liar!"

"All your misfortune..." He said. He shook his head, blue mane shuddering.

"I miss you..." She said. She felt like a filly again, there in her father's prensence. He stopped and looked back at her and he smiled. "Move along little filly. Move along. You always were a lot like me, that much I know.” He stopped singing. He looked at her. He was crying. She ran after him.

"Dad! Dad! Don't cry. I love you, don't cry! Dad! Dad! I'm not a liar!"

She jolted up onto her hooves. I must have dozed off, she thought. Good, the door's closed. She looked out the window. Nothing happened, no one noticed. Ponies were carting the tent cloth away. She walked over to her mirror and combed her hair again. I have to go home, she thought to herself, I have to go to Oily and see if we’re stopping there.

She began to pace again.. She took in a deep breath. I'm okay. I'm fine. I can do it. She exited her wagon and headed out for Oily’s wagon. It was painted a candy apple red with his name in a decorative script. She knocked on the wagon door. I’m doing nothing unusual, she thought.

“Come in,” commanded Snake Oil.

"Snake Oil, what are the next few towns we're going to?" Razz asked as she entered into his wagon. He looked at her. The maps were on the side table, next to his hat.

"Why so interested? Afraid we'll go home?" He looked at her. "If we are, we can always go around. It's not like they wouldn't forget someone with your name or talent." He picked up the map in his mouth and set it on the desk. Razz watched as he spread the map out. "We’re in Daisy Town. Canterville is our next stop. We'll continue along that road for a few more towns, like Nimbula and Gallopolis." He traced the path with his hoof. Razz watched it get nearer to Lilyvale all the time. “We switch onto this next road at Gallopolis, and then we'll stop at Lilyvale here, and eventually Phillydelphia. Does that all sound good?" She looked at him. His eyes were narrowed and he was looking at her again.

"Great," she said, "Thank you." He got back on all four hooves.

"That's good. Tell me though, why do you ask?" He was still looking at her as if he kept watching she would spill everything. "Afraid we'll hit your hometown isn't it? Most of us are. What's the name of it?"

"No," She said, "Just curious.” She turned to go.

"Oh no, Dazzle. I would really like to know. Tell me." She started walking.

"Is it any of your business?" She asked him, not even looking at him. He frowned.

"Of course it is, Dazzle. My troupe is my business. Someone has to take care of us. Especially you. We both know what happened to you today wasn't a small one-time thing. I don't want to know everything. But I want to at least know why. I have to know what happened up there. I know this is connected. You have to tell me. Connor’s been concerned for a while, you know. Your performance today is what troubles me. What else could happen to you? We cannot simply replace you." He placed his hooves on the table.

"I don't have to tell you anything," she said. She headed for the door. He teleported, popping up in front of her in a fiery red flash. He blocked the doorway.

"I didn't have to tell you where we were going. But you heard what you wanted to. You’re never interested in the towns beyond what you show them. You were just glad to get your bits and your show." Razz frowned.

"I lost focus," she said. Snake Oil laughed. It was an unhappy laugh.

"Obviously." He looked at her and shook his head. "It's gonna take a bit more honesty than that. Come on."
Razz looked down, than up at him. She stared hard at his nose.

"You're not telling," She told him.

"Of course," he replied, adjusting his hat, “I’ve held many a secret for this troupe and its members.”

"I want to visit my town again." She focused on his nose.

"That's unusual," he said, taken aback. He blinked. "You know they won't take you. They wanted you gone.” He paused. “But why return?"

"I don't expect to stay. I want a good bye at least, if I can," Razz said. Snake Oil nodded.

"Sure, closure's a fine thing," he said, "But a word of advice before you go: Don't expect any. Life isn't that fair most of the time." He stepped aside. "Good night, Razzle Dazzle." He smiled, half grimaced.

"Goodnight, Oily." Razz said, walking straight out and heading straight for her wagon. She found Connor on her way.

"Why'd you see Oilly?" he asked. He looked worn out, worried.

"Just checking out where we are going. Nothing big." She replied, "You okay?"

"No," he said, pawing at the ground, "Because you're not okay. Your show went wrong and now I'm really concerned. What’s wrong?"

"Can't outrun the past, I guess," she said, frowning.

"That's so." Connor shook his head. "Are we passing through your hometown?" Razz nodded. "I wouldn't try to go too far in. I know they kicked you out, though I can only guess why. If you try to go in only say good bye to the people who may have actually missed you. You can at least get that. I hope." He looked sadly at her. She smiled at him.

"Thanks, Pops. Thanks very much." She hugged him. I guess I only should hope for that, she thought, as she walked back to her little wagon, whistling and thinking.