My Little Wastelander

**

There was a stirring in the sunlit room, Celestia gracing it with her suns presence. The nurse sitting against the wall in a not-so-comfortable hospital chair looked up from her newspaper suddenly tense, readying to jump on a certain unicorn should he break out of his restraints and attempt to jump through the window again. The unicorn shouldn't have woken up so soon, the anesthetics should've kept him under longer! But either way, if he was coming to, she had some questions for the unicorn.

Rusty Fortune

Am I dead yet? His thoughts were back with him again. He remembered the feeling of comfort from the bed he'd laid on... How long ago was it? Felt like ages. Another several feelings told him he was restrained, coming at quite a annoyance to him, also that he seemed to be drugged, the memory of what had happened in the attempted escape of his enforcing that thought, because, come on, falling three stories isn't easy to just sleep off.

Well, i'm drugged, wounded, and restrained. Familiar. They'll probably have some questions for me now. He heard the antagonized voice inside his head.

"Hello there, sir?" Sure enough, he heard a voice of a mare, probably one of the nurses. "I have some questions for you."

Called it.

"I know you aren't sleeping anymore, so open your eyes and explain why you decided to throw yourself from the highest floor in the hospital." Her voice was a bit more stern now, demanding, in fact.

Rusty simply rolled his back to her, instantly regretting it with the pain it brought to his ribs, he didn't show it though. Instead, he muttered something about being comfortable, and for her to not stick her nose in his business, and maybe a rude curse directed at her.

"Comfortable huh? I can change that." She replied, he only heard the nurse get up after that. His thoughts did a quick calculation of what a uptight nurse would do in such a situation, he didn't like the answer he got.

She wouldn't...

He heard the clicking of his restraints being opened. Sure enough, he was airborne again, just for less time than his previous adventure. In the half second he had between the bed and the marble floor, his eyes went wide, just to take in the blinding light and taunting spectrum of colors.

Buck.

Rust

Several hundred years later.

Rusty Fortune, or simply Rust, as he preferred to be called, had lost all focus on the world around him. He seemed brain dead by the way he looked, but inside his head his brain worked hard to find the answer to one question:

How am I supposed to get all of this paperwork done?

Tap

Tap

Tap

The sound of the business end of a pencil mercilessly being shoved into a metal table was the only thing breaking the damp silence.

Finally, Rust broke off his deathstare on his pencil, and looked at the lazily stacked papers in front of him. Repair orders and gear requisitions, this is what he did all day when not on duty, this is what he looked forward to when he got home every day. Even after Equestria was nuked halfway to Tartarus, paperwork managed to survive, and implement itself into what remained of society. However, even as a simple mechanic, he'd found himself to be known as a man of justice to the surprisingly large settlement that it's founders had build atop the ruins of the city Canterlot, only adding more stress to his life, as everypony there relied on him to keep everything under control. The cities name had gone unchanged, to honor the princesses and represent the hope that they may return. It's inhabitants respected Rust's words and actions, the only ponies in town that didn't know him were the villians, and they always come to know him sooner or later.

As an avid fan of reading, a rare trait in the new Equestria, he'd taken up residence in a corner bookstore, where he'd tinker and pick books from the main room in what little spare time he had, then go into the back office to sleep off the tires of the day. On a bright midday the window shades would be open, and the door left wide open to welcome any passerby to visit for a book, place a repair/parts order, or simply to just examine the machines Rust managed to put together and get working.

After several minutes of staring at the paper, he finally sighed, and got up from his desk, he needed to go see his friends, he also wanted a drink.

Better idea; why not both?

The stallion grinned, he was a genius.

Acid Rain

"Ugh... Ugggggh." This was the sound of a half-dead pegasus mare, and she was being forced to wake up early, again.

"Acid, you there?" Crackled a voice from the radio on her bedside table.

When she turned her radio off, it was always for a reason (sleep, usually). And it pissed her off that her unicorn friend could just send a burst of magic and turn it back on at any time.

"Acid, it's Rusty, come in."

Maybe if I keep ignoring him he'll shut up. She turned her head to her clock. It's three in the morning, it can't be all that important.

The clock had been made almost from scratch, customized to represent her and her talent, precision. It was a present, built by Rust himself, same with the radio.

And just about every other device I own designed to make my life easier... Damnit... I owe him.

She grabbed the mic loosely with a hoof and press the transmit trigger with the other, she was in a bit of a awkward position, half of her body leaning out into middair, but she couldn't find it in herself to actually get off of her bed.

"Rust..." She groaned finally. "How are you, w'sup?"

"Wanna go grab a drink?" He replied. That is what he'd woken her up for?! But then her ears perked up, that was like; her most favorite thing to do!

"Yeah!" She said clearly, any groan or sign she was tired had instantly melted. But then she realized she was still having a hard time getting herself up, the bed was so warm and tempting...

"Hey," She continued. "When you're ready can you come get me?"

"I just invited you to one of your favorite things, and you still have trouble getting your flank out of bed?" Rusty deadpanned.

"Can you blame me? It's three in the morning." Annoyance was dripping off her tongue. "This was your plan, anyway."

"Alright, fine." Came the reply.

Her hoof gave out, and she finally flopped back down onto the bed and closed her eyes, she didn't have to worry about getting ready, clothes and armor just slowed her down, so she didn't bother with it. Now she could get some more shuteye before he arrived too. Acid Rain lived in a two-story building, and she slept on the top floor, causing her to be a little confused when she got up to investigate the knocking on her window, she opened her window to find her unicorn friend barely holding onto the window seal.

"Rust, what the buck are you doing?!" She screamed.

"I didn't wanna set off that annoying-ass alarm you always set when you lock your door, it wakes up half the neighborhood!" He moaned.

"It's not that loud." She deadpanned.

"Yeah, it is. You're just used to loud noises because you're always blowing your ears out with music, now let me in, I don't even know how I managed to get up here!"

She moved aside to let her partner climb through, grinning as he more or less fell through.

"Watch your step." She said innocently. Acid got a mumbled curse in return.

"So, what place did you have in mind?" Acid continued as her stallion friend stood up.

Rust brushed himself off and thought for a moment. "The usual place I guess, The Salty Chasm?"

"Sounds good."

*Rust*

Acid grabbed her sidearm's holster and they left together, Rusty taking the lead out the door, regardless of the fact his partner was probably staring at his flank.

She wont be happy about me bringing Cobalt, but i'd rather not get raped by her this morning...

Acid Rain was a pegasus mare about half a head shorter than Rusty with a green/black mane, her coat was a damp green with several black stripes running through it, she only really wore clothes to a formal event, but Rust never saw her leave home without a pair of silvery colored bracelets, both carrying a small red jewel, he had no idea what they were for. Any attempt of inquiry about the jewelry had failed.

Acid Rain could handle crazy amounts of booze, Rust knew this from experience, but she'd always go out of her way to get wasted when they all went out together, always racking up insane charges which HE always ended up paying for.

Rust didn't mind too much though, his job kept him in bits, but when Acid had too much to drink she tended to get somewhat... Rapey. Wasn't even a word, but it didn't matter because it was true, which was exactly why he always brought Cobalt with them, he'd learned to do that the hard way after the first time he and Acid went drinking, he barely got away.

After a walking a couple streets they came to the bar known as "The Salty Chasm", Rust had noticed the mare beside him getting more and more excited as they came close to the building, she'd even taken the lead through the doorway.

Then stopped dead.

The bar was usually empty around this time, asides from the owner, who stood at the bar cleaning his favorite mug, but this time a certain grey stallion sat at one of the tables.

"C-Cobalt, what are you doing here?" She stammered.

The earth pony looked away from his glass to the newcomers. "Good to see you too Acid, I was invited." Said, trying not to laugh, he and Rust both knew what she had been thinking on the way here.

"Quality time with Rust and no Cobalt to intervene." Yeah, sorry Acid but good luck.

At this, she seemed to deflate a bit, and her ears returned to their usually down position. Rust passed her heading to the table, giving her a playful bump and a look that said 'Just smile and try to have fun.', he got a weak smile in return and she followed him to the table where their friend sat.

"So," Cobalt began as they had all been seated. "What has our little emergency session been called for?"

"I really needed a drink." Rust said simply, then added when he got a frown from Cobalt. "And to see you two, of course."

The stallion across the table grinned. "Yeah, that's about what I thought."

"You're lucky you aren't constantly bogged down with paperwork." Rust replied. "What do you even do anyway?"

"Oh you know... Stuff."

"That didn't exactly answer my question."

"I know."

Rusty facehoofed while Acid giggled childishly beside him, finally the barkeep came up to take their orders. "Oh goddesses, it's you three, glad I stocked up big this time." He chuckled, and looked at Acid. "Let me guess..." He started.

"Enough vodka to carry me down a riverbed, if you will." She challenged.

"Still make a decent magarita?" Rust challenged, finally the barkeep looked at Cobalt.

"Water, i'm here to make sure these two don't go over the edge, well, Rust at least." The earth pony smirked.

Their pegasus bartender smiled and nodded, then went off to get their drinks, only a few minutes later he had returned to their table, somehow managing to balance all three drinks perfectly on one wing. A second later, everypony had their drink.

"Really glad you all came here, seeing you two makes all the crap I do bearable." Rust said slowly, almost mumbling.

"Easy there Rusty, don't give us another friendship speech." Cobalt said quickly.

"Wait what? When did I give a friendship speech?"

"Last time we were here, but most of it was slurred." The grey stallion deadpanned.

"Really?" The mare at the table looked confused. "I understood him just fine."

"Huh. Must be a drunk thing, what was he say-" Was all the stallion got out before having his unicorn coworker's hoof shoved  in his mouth.

"The friendship speech never happened." That was the end of that, Acid just shrugged and began downing her drink, Cobalt tried saying something, letting Rust know it was time to take his hoof out of the earth pony's mouth. The hour would see that this had been the best morning he'd had in a long time, not just because of what he was drinking, but because after all this time, all the violence in the world, he still had his friends. Was he starting to get soft? Surely not, must've went a bit over the limit, he pushed his glass away from himself. He'd usually be tipsy by the time Acid was pushing herself on him, and that's when he'd quit.

"Eck, think i've had enough." The stallion said. Exhaling.

"Whatever, you've barely drank anything, you're such a lightweight!" Yelled his mare friend, nudging him.

And somewhere inside his brain, better judgement was totally failing. "Bullshit!" He replied. "I could easily outdrink you."

What did I just say...

"Challenged accepted, Rust!" She was in his face now, it was apparent Acid took drinking challenges very seriously. "Barkeep," She continued. "How big are your kegs?" Cobalt was probably telling them they'd had enough, but with a wave of their hooves he was completely ignored. Rust was going to take this challenge as seriously as Acid, he was going to win if it was the last thing he did! The kegs had come out, they were behemoths. Some of the bat pony inhabitants of the city had stopped in to watch the competitors. In no more than five minutes, Rust would not remember a thing.

Burnt Cobalt

This is bad, Rust tells me to make sure he doesn't drink too much, and then he goes overboard with the stuff! How do I stop him somepony who can just throw me through the window when I get close!?

The challenge had started, several bat ponies and early pegasi scavengers had all gathered and were cheering at the two competitors. Acid and Rust were both upside down, held up by some bystanders, upping as much of the alcoholic beverage as the could before the other failed to drink anymore, when both ponies were done, the barkeep would measure both of the containers. Cobalt had no idea how the barkeep came up with this, but he was imaginative.

Finally, the drinking mare spit out some of the beverage and fell to the ground groaning, the were a series of cheers but they died down quickly, Acid was known as one of the best drinkers in the city, but Rust was still going... Maybe he was just taking his time? Everypony in the room was looking at him with a confused expression, where was he putting all this stuff?

After a few long and awkwardly silent minutes, Rust stopped drinking and slowly descended, perfectly landing on his hooves. Then let out burp strong enough to repel a mutant diamond dog, the recoil putting him on flank, almost comically. Cobalt quickly rushed up to the kegs, feeling confident when Acid's was easy to lift, then he went over to Rust's.

It took him half the strength to lift it as Acid's.

How...? Where did he put all of this!?

His eyes wide as he turned to Rust, still sitting on his hind, grinning from ear to ear. The cheers resumed, it was evident Acid had lost. The pegasus mare came up unicorn looking like she was about to say something, until she was cut off by probably the biggest hug she'd ever gotten. So that was it then, Rusty Fortune outdrank the best. The look of shock on Acid's face was priceless, and she began to flush red. Cobalt was sure to remember that. Ponies were starting to return to their homes or occupations. Before long the bar was empty once more, aside from three friends and a bartender.

And it still appeared to Rust that Acid was his personal teddy bear. The initial look of shock was gone, still blushing, she was smiling almost as much as the stallion that captivated her. The sight was almost enough to make Cobalt sick.

This is a disaster, I need to get these two home.

"Rust." He started. "We need to get you home."

"No worries Cobahlt, *hic* i'm comfortable here."

"We can't stay in the Salty Chasm, trust me on this one."

"Alright, alright." The drunk stallion looked down at his mare friend finally registering her arrival. Later, they had set off to the library, Cobalt having to drag two ponies instead of one because Rust refused to let go of Acid, it was like a child and their stuffed animal. The concern that had been bugging him since the drinking really kicked off had finally come to be when he had to get the drunk unicorn into bed.

"Rust, come on, you can't bring Acid to sleep with you." There was surprisingly little reaction from the mare of subject.

"Why not... She's so fuzzy..." Rust slurred.

"She's not a teddy bear, and you told me to keep her from getting in bed with you." Cobalt replied slowly.

"Calm down, Cobalt." Rust had somehow manage to resurrect his authoritative tone. "I know what I said, and I know she's not a teddy bear, get yourself home and get some *hic* ... Damn it... Rest."

Burnt Cobalt sighed in defeat, the two drunk ponies had closed their eyes. The pegasus wrapping a wing around her friend protectively and Cobalt knowing he was going to get barked at in the morning, even if it wasn't his fault.

Whatever, i'm sure he'll understand not wanting to intervene after almost being flung out of a window. It wasn't even from the unicorn like he'd thought, Acid was actually the one who almost threw him out.

Rust

The following morning.

My head feels like it's going to split, shouldn't have drank so mu-

His one-track thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of movement and bodily warmth around him, and he reluctantly pried an eye open, thankful that the window blinds were shut. He found that a familiar set of gleaming green eyes were looking back at him.

Both ponies started at the same time. "Oh, shit."

Almost as soon as he realized what was going on, even hungover he'd managed to compile a list of things to do for the day;

Find out if he did anything to Acid or vice versa.

Find out why Cobalt didn't do his job(optional).

Kick Cobalt's flank.