HOLY FUCK SEQUEL

Jim was a pony enthusiast living in Boston. He was a depressed, edgy teenager who spent his time masturbating to TWILY porn. He was 6’5”, had long hair, wore heavy makeup, had blue eyes, had a pale face, and wore a black AC-DC shirt with long, blue jeans, and black shoes. He hated happy music and everyone on Earth hated him. He was best friends with Osama Bin Laden and your mom. 8)

One day, he was walking along train tracks because he’s a #rebel. He saw a train coming along from a few trillion light-years away. He saw this as his escape from his shitty-assnizzle life, so he jumped in front of the train. Suddenly, he got hit by the train unexpectedly, despite seeing the train and being on the tracks, realizing he would get hit by the train.

He was about to hit the train when suddenly a portal appeared and sucked Jim in. However, it also acted as a black hole and destroyed all matter in the universe, violently ripping apart every atom violently and sending them flying far away.

Jim landed on his ass in a forest in a land he did not recognize. Then he flipped over and landed on his head. After rubbing his head, he felt a horn-like thing on his head. He pulled out his emo pocket mirror, complete with knives around the side to make him look edgier. He saw that he was black with a red mane, and he was an alicorn because why the fuck not. He also noticed he was wearing a retarded purple fez for some reason. (Note: The fez did, in fact, have mental retardation, as it had a traumatic experience from its abusive parents as a child. However, the fez worked hard to live a full, happy life.) He was in a 2spooky4u forest, which was very dark and edgy, and he could not remember anything. Also, le slender man :OO xD was in that forest.

Suddenly(except it actually was this time), a white unicorn with a jagged, electric-blue mane walked up to him. “Hi, I’m Derpy Hooves!” she exclaimed. “I don’t know who you are, and you seem extremely different from any other pony that’s been around in Equestria for a long time. However, I feel sorry for you, so I must bring you to the Ponyville hospital because #yoloswag!” She then picked up Jim with Derpy’s amazing earth pony abilities.

“Whoa, like, whoa, bro,” he exclaimed quietly in his head. “I am confused, but I feel as if I belong here! However, I need a name. How about... Dark Lightning Sword Slash Attack Blood Melee Shadow Knife Edgy Explosion Rape Stupendous?!”

“Sorry, that name’s taken for copyright reasons,” Derpy’s thought butted in.

“GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT-SHIT-WHORE-WANKER-ASS-NIGGER-FUCK-CUNT!” he swore quietly. “How about Dark Lightning Sword Slash Attack Blood Melee Shadow Knife Edgy Explosion Rape Stupendous the Second? Perfect, I say!” He then remembered he was a horse. “Aw sweet, I have a huge dick!” He then tried to masturbate, but found he had a vagina and not a dick. “OH SHIT I’M A FEMALE!” he screeched extremely quietly.

Suddenly, Derpy exploded into juicy, red chunks and Dark Lightning Sword Slash Attack Blood Melee Shadow Knife Edgy Explosion Rape Stupendous the Second broke through the window. However, his shear edginess protected him from being affected by any of the glass shards flying through the air. “Oh my dearest dear, you must be ever so overwrought!” yelled a nurse-pony right next to him. “Here, this will make you feel better.” She then pulled out a giant fucking needle out of her ass and tried to stab Dark Lightning II.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” he [now she okay] screamed and ran offstage.

He then ran into a grey pegasus with le derpy xD eyes. “Hallo, mein kleines schweinhund! Ich bin Vinyl Kratzer,” she Nazi’d.

“HOLY FUCK IT’S HITLER!” Kim yelled and exploded.

Dark Lightning le Second woke up on a bed next to Derpy. “Holy fuck, you died! Thankfully, I have knowledge of CPR and brought you back to life.” Dark Lightning II’s head nearly exploded right there. That would have sucked!

A few microseconds later, Dark Lightning II jumped out of the bed and went outside with Derpy. She got a fucking LAMBORGHINI, of which Derpy took shitgun.

Kim was driving to Canterlot’s castle when suddenly there was a huge earthquake of epic proportions. The earth split and revealed a giant pit of water, which is odd because he lived in Ohio. (Equestria’s in Ohio k)

“Oh, shi--” said Kim as she menacingly swerved out of control. Derpy then died for no reason at all.

Kim drove into the chasm and fell into Atlantis. Then, she fell into the random nether portal that appeared in front of him. “Oh fuck! Where am I going?” she asked God. To her surprise, God responded.

God said, “Shut the fuck up. You talk SOO much. Why can’t you just breathe for a damn second and figure out where you’re going for your damn self?!”

“Fuck you, God; you’re a fucking tool!!” Kim screamed.

“That’s it. I’m sending you to a place worse than Hell,” God said.

“Oh fuck, is it to your mom’s vaginal cavity?” (Editors note: haawt) asked Kim.

“SMITTEN! AND MITTENS! AND CUTE LITTLE KITTENS!”

“One day when I woke up, I decided to get a cup,
Maybe mix a little sugar, blood, skin, organs, hair,
What I’m mixing up, oh, it’s gonna be rare!” God sang.

“Maybe tall, roughy, and toot-
How about small, fluffy, and cute-
HEY HEY, I’M THE PRINCESS, YOU LITTLE UNGRATEFUL SHIT.
BETTER STEP DOWN BEFORE YOUR NECK GETS SLIT.

“On second thought, it didn’t sound all that bad...
Maybe even start a new fashion fad
So I went along with my idea in the first place
And instead of being boring and creating a new race-

“I CREATED KITTENS.”

“Because fuck you I’m Princess God-estia.” he finished. “Also, you’re smitten.”

And then Kim died.

Kim woke up in some place she did not recognize. It was dark; blacker than My Lil’ Wayne.

She her hind legs had a chain with an iron ball that was at least 250 pounds attached. “Fucking hell,” she complained.

“DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING CUSS IN THIS FUCKING CASTLE!” boomed at a voice from the darkness.

“HOLY ASSFUCK!” screeched Dark Lightning II.

Then, there was a sudden burst of light that lit up the entire room.

“MY EYES!” screeched Dark Lightning II.

“Welcome to my evil lair!” said a pony that looked like Dark Lightning II but wasn’t her.

Kim then said, “Hell, do you have time to talk about our lord and savior, Jesus Christ?”

“Wait a sec why the fuck do you look like me but with a gay fez?”

“Fuck you, my fez is completely heterosexual. Also, I should be asking the same to you... except without the fez part.”

“I am Dark Lightning Sword Slash Attack Blood Melee Shadow Knife Edgy Explosion Rape Stupendous!” said Dark Lightning Sword Slash Attack Blood Melee Shadow Knife Edgy Explosion Rape Stupendous with goggles making the :rainbowdetermined1337: face.

“Holy shit! I’m Dark Lightning Sword Slash Attack Blood Melee Shadow Knife Edgy Explosion Rape Stupendous the Second!” said Dark Lightning Sword Slash Attack Blood Melee Shadow Knife Edgy Explosion Rape Stupendous the Second.

“Then why the fuck are you a girl?”

“lel y u ask r u ghey TOP LEL #rekd” said Dark Lightning II, then did a Team Fortress 2 taunt despite not killing him.

“no U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :twilightangry1337:” said the other idiot.

“lel ur guna get raepd kid” And then Kim made the fucking iron ball explode, and then raped Dark Lightning the First in a completely unsensual way.

“umg rapest!!!!!!!! i rep0td u 2 nity 4 bein a buly!! enjoi ur bann >:))))))))))))” screeched the faggot.

“k” said the other one and continued raping him.

This happened for a couple years. Neither of the Darf Lightnings enjoyed it. Eventually, Dark Lightning I yelled out, “Guards! Get the fuck in here!”

The main 6 ponies, who were Dark Lightning’s sex slaves but were paid quite well and thoroughly enjoyed their job despite being horribly abused many times, showed up and beat the shit out of Dark Lightning II.

“You’re a big, smelly willy!” said Dark Lightning II, of whom’s face was covered in blood.

“k” said Dark Lightning I.

And then Dark Lightning II died. However, the fez survived and beat the absolute living SHIT out of all of the other ponies in the building. Then the fez married a fedora and they ruled Equestria until the end of time.

The end. oar iz et.......

Author's Note

yhw