The Cunt Punt

Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Kanye, Harry Potter, and Charlie Sheen ran up to the dead planeteers.

“How do we get the rings off their fingers?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Are you fucking stupid Pinkie, you just pull them off.” Twilight scolded.

“No she has a point.” Charlie Sheen said. “There’s no fun in just pulling them off.” He walked up to the fire planeteer guy, bit off his finger, and spat out the bloody ring into his hand. “Guess who I learned that shit from?” Charlie asked with a laugh.

“SMEAGOL!!!” shouted a raspy voice from behind the group.

“Yeah that’s right!” Charlie said surprised. “But who said that?”

“My precious!” said the voice again.

Everybody/pony turned around to see Smeagol behind them. He was holding a dead fish in his hand and slapping it on the ground.

“Little fishes is tasty precious!” he laughed and the bludgeoned the ground with the fish again.

“Da fuck is dis shit?” Kanye asked. He pulled his gun out and pointed it at Smeagol. “Yo ya’ll be like some crazy ass troll muthafucka I don’t even know. Ima shoot yo wrinkly bitch ass!”

“Wait no!” shouted a gay sounding voice. Everyone/pony looked in the direction of the voice to see Frodo.

“Seriously.” Charlie Sheen growled. “Where the fuck are these people coming from.”

“You can’t kill him!” Frodo cried. “Oh Sam! I should have never doubted you!”

“What are you talking about?” Twilight asked.

“Don’t kill Smeagol!” Frodo shouted again. He took off his pants and began jerking off. “Oh Sam! Save me Sam!”

Kanye had enough of this. He pointed his gun at Frodo and shot him in the dick. “Yo stop jerkin off bitch. You stupid hairy footed cracka ass be trife dawg.”

Frodo looked up at Kanye and laughed. His eyes began to turn red. His muscles began to pulse and expand unnaturally. His dick grew back.

“Wait a second!” Pinkie Pie said in horror. “I know those eyes! It’s Scootaloo!”

ScootaFrodo laughed. “Puny mortals! This is only my first and weakest form! I know what you did to the statue of liberty! It is unforgivable! Now bow at my knees and suck upon my hobbit cock. You are all now my pleasure slaves. Oh except you Pinkie Pie you don’t have a pussy anymore.”

“I still have a mouth though!” Pinkie Pie reminded. “And a poop chute!”

“Oh yeah...” ScootaFrodo said. “Well okay stop just standing there and suck my massive schlong!”

“Wait so what the fuck is Smeagol here for?” Harry Potter asked.

“Oh.” said ScootaFrodo. “I don’t real know... Fuck it just suck upon my unholy trouser snake!”

“NEVER!” Screamed Twilight. “We are going to stop you reign of tyranny!”

“Bwa-ha-ha-ha.” ScootaFrodo laughed. “What could you five and Smeagol possibly do to me?”

Kanye shot Smeagol in the face ending his miserable life. “Yo it just be us five. Dat Smeagol be dead now. Nawmeen?”

“We are in control of a power unlike that which you have never seen before!” Harry Potter yelled.

“Fools! The only two worthy foes I’ve had were Chuck Norris and Gary Motherfucking Oak! I disemboweled Gary and ate his flesh and imprisoned Chuck Norris in frozen splooge. None can defeat me!”

“Quick get the rest of the rings!” Charlie Sheen commanded.

Twilight ran over to the wind bitch, bit her finger off, and clenched the ring in between her teeth. Pinkie Pie retrieved the African guy’s earth ring, Harry Potter got the water ring, leaving Kanye West stuck with the heart ring lol.

“Yo dis be some bullshit!” Kanye said angrily looking at the ring. “Yo heart ain’t even be a fuckin element!”

“Alright guys let’s summon him!” Charlie Sheen said pointing his ring to the sky.

“How the hay do we do that?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“I’ll just stand here conveniently and let you guys figure that out while I’ll pump my mushroom.” ScootaFrodo said.

“Okay we have to say the names of the rings in order. It’s goes earth, fire, wind, water, and heart.” Harry Potter explained.

Pinkie Pie raised her ring to the sky. “Let our powers combine! Earth!”

“Fire!” shouted Charlie Sheen.

“Wind!” Twilight continued.

“Water!” Harry yelled.

“Yo heart.” Kanye said unenthusiastically.

Beams shot out of their rings and collided in the sky. “By your powers combined! I am Captain Planet!”

“What!” screamed ScootaFrodo. “Not Captain Planet! I thought he was only a myth!”

“Look bitch,” Captain Planet began. “You’re destroying my Earth. I don’t take kindly to half pony half hobbits that destroy my Earth.” He flew over to ScootaFrodo and punched him in the face.

ScootaFrodo flew over. “Time to show my second form!” he cried. His body began to change from Frodo into some kind of strange blob. The blob condensed and then exploded revealing Scootaloo’s second form, epic sax guy.

“You can’t defeat me!” ScootaSax exclaimed. “He began playing the saxophone and humping the air.

“No!” screamed Captain Planet. “It’s too epic!”

Everyone/pony else started to dance uncontrollably. “Quick Captain Planet!” Twilight cried. “You have to do something.”

“You’re right!” Captain Planet agreed. “For mother nature!” he pulled out a chain-gun from his pocked at shot ScootaSax with a barrage of bullets.

“No!” ScootaSax screamed. “Now it’s time for my last and final form!”

ScootaSax again turned into Scootablob which exploded revealing the pure form of Scootaloo. The demonic orange Pegasus filly began to chant in Latin. “Ego comedent penis de impia sexualem cupientibus, qui est creator meus Rebbeca nigri!”

Scootaloo shot a beam out of her eyes which hit Captain Planet full force in the testicles.

“Gah!” he screamed writhing in pain and clutching his two best friends. “That’s a dirty trick.”

“Yo Captain Planet my nigga, catch!” Kanye threw his gun to Captain Planet who caught it.

“I know what it is I must do...” Captain planet said softly. He flew full force into Scootaloo’s anal cavity and began shooting the pistol. Scootaloo screamed in pain.

“What’s he doing?” Pinkie Pie cried.

“Yo he be destroyin the source dawg.” Kanye said. “There be like sum evil shit in there so he be puttin a cap in her ass, like literally dawg.”

“No!” Scootaloo screamed. “My power! It’s fading!” she then exploded into a million bloody pieces taking out Captain Planet with her.

The five companions stood there for a long moment. It was over. Scootaloo had finally been defeated.

“Let us not forget what happened on this day.” Harry Potter said. “Let us not forget the sacrifice Captain Planet made for us all.”

Everyone/pony began to cry except Kanye who giggled.

“So what now?” Twilight asked. “How do we go on?”

“How about we throw a party!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

“With tons of cocaine!” Charlie said excitedly.

“And pony hoes!” Kanye inputed.

“Hell yeah!” Harry said.

So the friends walked back through the portal to Ponyville where they threw the grandest party ever seen. Everypony in Equestria came. Skrillex showed up and played the best concert/rave anyone/pony had ever seen. Charlie Sheen got his hands on an assortment of new psychoactive drugs found only in Equestria, Harry Potter showed the Pegasi how to play Quidditch, Kanye fucked all the pony bitches, Twilight got molested by Celestia (although she enjoyed it of course). One pony, however, sat alone near the Everfree forest.

Pinkie Pie looked at her vagina which was still a giant portal to Earth. She was sad that it wasn’t attached to her anymore, but she realized if Scootaloo never cunt punted her then she would have never met her new amazing friends on her adventure.

Then she realized that she still had a mouth and a poop chute. She smiled and returned to the party which quickly became an orgy. In others words: AND THEY ALL FUCKED THE END.