Fallout Equestria: Side Stories are Magic

”I betcha Romulus never had to put up with this shit."

Back in the days of yore when I was an awkward grayish-pink colt, I had two older brothers, Hot and Cold Water. These two, Cold and I were the favored children. Hot apparently had bad genes or something that made our parents just flat-out despise him. They always looked down on him for no reason I can fathom even today. I think it had to do with the fact he looked like Mom, and even Mom didn’t like the way Mom looked. But none the less, here I sit before the most neglected unicorn in the Wasteland.

He's just staring at me, its unnerving. “So… how goes shit, bro?”

“It goes Running, it goes.” He maintains his ‘Gendo Pose’ while he speaks. To avoid confusion, let me explain. Hot Water and Cold Water are my biological siblings, unlike the Raiders who are my ‘brothers in arms.’ Right now, this is the only unicorn with the skill and training that can kill me. He legitimately hates me to a point where the fact he has not reduced my body to a puddle of steaming slag is making it hard to keep my bowels under control.

“So Running, what have you been doing for the past 2 years?” Oh thats a question I’d rather not answer.

“Oh you know, little of this little of that. Nothing dramatic.”

“Rrright, so how’s you club?”

“Dead. Some psycho with a gun wiped them out.”

“Wasn’t you I’m guesing.”

“No, ‘parrently it was the fabled Stable Dweller.”

“I heard you burned down Old Appleloosa.”

“They made the mistake of leaving me in a wooden building with petrol, it was only the natural escalation.”

“I suppose it was their mistake for leaving you unattended. What of that incident at the hospital?”

“Hey, they came after me!”

“True, true. And New Appleloosa?

“Second verse, same as the first.”

“Now, I’ve been getting reports saying you’ve been using acrobatics. Brother, why have you been flaunting our training?” Story time children, 10 years ago me and my brothers were training to be the best damn fighters in the Wasteland. Our teacher was our father, an Enclave Commando turned bodyguard for our mother who was a top tier scientist. Dad taught us combat doctrine and survival skills, Mom educated us in the sciences and medicines. When we came of age, Mom and Dad left me and Hot down here while they took Cold up above the cloud layer. They said they’d come back for us when the time was right.

“Gotta do what ‘cha gotta do, am I right?” His eyes narrowed.

“You’ve been raising red flags all over The Wastes; there are mercenaries, bounty hunters—! The goddamn Reapers are considering leaving The Hoof to come after you! There was a reason I said to keep under the radar, now you have half the damn Wasteland coming after you!”

I smile sheepishly, “Oops.”

“Oops? After all that all you have to say is ‘oops?’ Tell me Brother, why? Why do you do what you do? HOW do you do what yo do?!”

“You really wanna know?”

“YES!”

“I’m a mutant.” His jaw dropped then shifted to into a scowl.

“Oh you’ve got to be shitting me.” There be a look I haven’t seen since we were kids.

“No seriously, I’m a mutant dude. Got the super strength and everything.”

“Strength ain’t shit, show me something I haven’t seen.” I hope it wouldn’t come to this. I mean I really don’t want to do this. There’s something I can do, that I learned I could do when I was starting off as a Raider.

“I’m fire-proof.”

“Bullshit.”

“No I’m serious, I’m flame retardent.”

“I believe you’re stupid, but thats being pushed to certain levels of retardation as of now.”

“I can prove it.”

“Oh? DO tell.”

“Bring out all your men, a couple of flamers, and all your prisoners. I want to show everypony.”

I find myself back in my cell with a large grin on my face. The filly has since stopped crying and is drawing pictures on the wall with a bit of coal she apparently had. Doodles of ponies smiling and shooting each other. Reminds of myself when I was that age, I think.

“What ‘cha doing?” She doesn’t look to me, just keeps drawing.

“Drawin’.” Adorable.

“What ‘cha drawing?”

“Stuff.” Annoying.

“What kind of stuff?”

“Stuff I wanna do.” Nix that, adorable once more.

“You wanna kill?”

“Yeah.”

“Anyone in particular?”

“Just ponies.”

"Only ponies?”

“Yeah, and maybe some others. But mostly the ones I don’t like.”

“Like?” She stops drawing and looks to me.

“Like whoever killed my parents.” We’re going to be good friends. “You said something earlier, that your sibs were killed. What happened?”

“I don’t really remember, I wasn’t what you’d call of sound mind at the time.”

“And you are now?”

“Not really, but then again you can’t be sane and live for as long as I have out here.”

“How long is that?”

“17 years and counting… I think. Kind of a patchwork up here.” I motion to my head while crossing my eyes, she giggles. Thats new, I made someone smile without having to kill. To be specific I made a broken filly laugh. Neat, I’ve always wanted a little sister.

“So what did your parents do?”

“They worked in Fillydelphia, they were Chain Bosses.”

“How the hell did that happen?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t there. On the radio they said she held some sort of revolt.”

“Heh, a One Pony Army, eh?” Her face cringed and she went back to drawing. “Ever want to be a One Pony Army?” That got her attention. “I can teach you how to be one.”

The guards escort me and the filly to outside. They have her stand in line with the others, time to show off. They position me in a chalk circle in front of them all. Two soldiers with Flamers stand at either side of me. My brother flashes me a big grin before signaling the two Burners.

I see a bright light, it feels warm. Like a hug or like someone just poured molten copper over me. Definitely that last one. I look around, I can make out the shadows in front of me as a combination of devil-horned and regular ponies and gryphons. I laugh. I laugh like I haven’t laughed in years. I feel so good, so powerful. This is what it means to be The Wasteland. I am unstoppable. I put my hooves together and shift them to make a snapping noise which cancels out the flames, don’t ask me how. All stare in awe and it feels fantastic. Why I can feel my inner gypsies cream herself with joy.

Aside from smelling a like a funeral pyre, I feel like a million caps. Closest thing to a shower I’ve had in years. Lets see, wheres the filly? Ah, of course she’s the one with stars in her eyes. My brother walks forth, mouth agape.

“How..?”

“Remember when we all lived together and Dad would give us those ration cupcakes?”

“Yeah?”

“Well I saved mine. All of them. And when we went our separate ways, I went to The Hoof. I found this neat rainbow goop and, well, I admit I was kinda tripping on Dash, but anyways the point is that shit was delicious on those things, man.”

“You ate cupcakes that were coated in Taint?”

“Mhmm.” I give my best ‘I’m fucking insane’ smile and his eyes twitch.

“I.. I… WHAT!? I COULD LITERALLY NOT BE MORE CONFUSED RIGHT NOW! You ate Taint, didn’t die, didn’t become an abomination, but gained the ability to not die from a baptism by fire!? Excuse me, I have to rethink my life because apparently my brother is a fucking BIOLOGICAL IMPROBABILITY!”

“So can I, like, leave now? Actually, I need to get some stuff before I head out if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Not like I can stop or anything!”

“Fantastic, just gonna need some armor and a shiny new gun. Also...” I walk over to the filly I shall now call ‘Midge-Midge’ and  put a hoof on her shoulder. “I’m taking short-stuff here, have plan I want to try out.” Hot points in a direction and off we go. More hallways, more hallways, yeesh you’d think these guys had a thing for long winding tubes or something. A left turn here and voila, Armory.

“Hey, whats you’re name?”

“Running Water. That other guy was my brother.”

“Thought so, he’s been ranting about ya for past few months.”

“Really? You’ve been here that long?”

“Yep, today’s my birthday.”

“Well than grant me the pleasure of taking you to birthday shopping.” Through the door and into a militaristic candy land. All around us hung weapons and armor that even I haven’t seen. And I’ve been above the clouds. Midge-Midge is given a satchel and immediately begins loading it with what I can only assume are explosives. “Uh, Midge only take what you can use.”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m not familiar with most of these things, and field testing is not within the budget.” She’s a little disheartened as she puts back the devices. “What do you know how to use?”

“I’ve got a little know-how with laser pistols.” Energy weapons. Great. One of the most high-maintence weapons in The Wasteland.

“Aliright, snag a few of those, preferably ones with large clips. Er, batteries.” And what have we here? Armor, Wasteland in origin, looks to be inspired by Raider Designs. Made from… Combat Plating and that stuff BDU’s are made of. It must be mine. Unfortunately its behind some rather sturdy looking glass. A shotgun or assault rifle might push through, but that could damage the armor. Wouldn’t want that. “Hey, Midge-Midge wanna learn the first thing about being a Raider?”

The filly gives a curious nod as I look out side. I spot a passing guard, “Oh, Hun~!” The mare looks to me and runs over, looking as though I’m in the wrong neighborhood. She gets clotheslined as she enters, “How much do you weigh?” I ask while grabbing her hind leg. I drag her over to the display case and chuck her into it. There’s something beautiful about the sound of glass breaking. Like every shard is tiny symphony.

”Broken Wings and Shattered Dreams, these are a few of my favorite things~"

Midge-Midge looks with awe. Between the glass coated bloody mess and my new cohort, today has pretty damn good. “Happy birthday, kiddo."