Chapter 1: Spike is Missing
Twilight tossed her mane restlessly. Her horn glowed as she concentrated her magic on whatever. Every day seemed to start that way. Anyway, she quickly finished up and spawned a massive portal.
It was made of some sort of mix of spider-silk-cross-steel combination. It was very strong, and when she tried to hit it, it shuddered and fell on Spike. Spike was angry, so he sent Twilight to Celestia.
"What the hell, Twilight?" said Celestia, very angrily. She was angry. That wasn't normal for her. Usually, Twilight would have had to do something really stupid, but normally that didn't happen, so she was usually calm instead of angry. Now, though, she was very angry. “I’m very angry with you, Twilight,” she said in anger.
Twilight tossed her mane restlessly. “Don’t blame me!” she shouted. “That little idiot Spike sent me here for what may or may not have been any reason at all!”
“Was there a reason, Twilight?” said Celestia, angrily. “I’m still very angry, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t make me any angrier.” She was getting angrier. “Now I’m getting angrier!”
“I’m not going to make you angry, but Spike will, and, in fact, has already done so. That is to say that you are now angry due to his actions alone. That means you should blame him,” Twilight argued, which just made Celestia more angry. She tossed her mane restlessly.
“Excuses, excuses. Don’t try to put this on him, you worthless peasant!” Celestia blamed, putting emphasis on the ‘p’ sound in the word ‘peasant’, making it sound like ‘ph’, but not the ‘f’ kind.
“It is an excuse! And a perfectly valid one at that! Who do you think you’re talking to, anyway?” Twilight asked, incredulously.
“EX-CUSE ME? OH NO YOU DI’EN’T!” shouted Celestia, sarcastically.
“Oh yes I did, and you would be wise to keep that fact in mind for the short remainder of your life, you miserable wretch.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“That’s good. Now fetch me a glass of water in your finest mug!” Twilight ordered, tossing her mane restlessly.
“Yes, Princess.” Celestia ran away and got some water for Twilight, but in a really crappy container.
“This isn’t your finest mug, is it?”
“Well, no...”
“YOU HEARD WHAT I TOLD YOU, SWINE!” Twilight slapped the Princess in the face with a hoof.
“Well… it’s just that I use the finest mug when I brush my teeth. You wouldn’t want to have that, would you?”
“Go and get it! You clearly have no choice in the matter! And, for your information, I love the taste of old, used toothpaste!”
“Very well, O Holiness.” Celestia ran away again, but this time, returned with a small, teal, plastic mug. The inside surface was coated with a sort of clear mucus which refracted the light in the room, while also being covered with small, crusty lumps of mint-flavoured goo.
“Mmmmm… thanks for that! Lunch time!” Twilight shoved her muzzle into the mug, licking out every little crevice in order to taste the delicious dental care residue. “WOW! That tastes awesome! Now fill it with water, moron!” Twilight tossed her mane restlessly.
“Get your own, you stupid idiot. Don’t forget that I created you!”
“That may be so, but I still have the support of the previous Moon Princess! Your sister!”
“*sigh*!”
“What was that?”
“I mean, *gasp*!”
“You’d better say *gasp*! Luna, kill her!” Luna appeared in the air beside Twilight, firing a beam of Moon Energy at Celestia. Its trajectory followed this set of equations, with Celestia at the origin, (0,0), after Twilight tossed her mane restlessly:
“Haha! You missed!” said Celestia.
“My aim was that lantern behind you! Muahaha! You fool!” said Twilight. Celestia looked behind her, at the lantern, which was now flying randomly around the room, hitting things and setting them on fire.
“Do you even realise what you’ve done, Twilight? You’re burning your own house down!”
“Oh shit!” said Twilight. She stopped making the lantern fly everywhere. Twilight tossed her mane restlessly.
“Now get out, you fool! Go and find Spike in the Mystical Dimension Hole, of which I found a thought in your brains.”
“Yes, sir!” Twilight teleported to where Spike was, assumedly her tree house. “SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she screamed.
“I’m in another dimension… you have to come and find me…” said Spike’s ghostly voice, with lots of inflections and stuff.
“Okay,” said Twilight. “Where is the portal?”
“It’s gone… It disappeared when I went into it…”
“Why the hell did you do that?!”
“Because it was pretty…”
“Of course it was pretty! That was the whole point!” Twilight tossed her mane restlessly.
“Sweet Jesus, it was pretty.”
“Where the hell are you, anyway?” asked Twilight.
“Stop being lazy and find me yourself, wench.”
“That’s no way to speak to your overlord!”
“Like you can talk, moron. I’m clearly the king of this universe.”
“And what universe would that be, exactly?”
“Well… there are some trees around…” Spike trailed off.
“What is it, idiot?” Twilight grew infinitely more impatient, tossing her mane restlessly.
“OH SHIT! I DROPPED MY GAMEBOY! WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?!”
“You fucking idiot, how could you drop that thing? It’s pretty much welded to your hand!”
Twilight leaned over to the camera and lifted a hoof up to her mouth. “I swear, when he gets home, I’m going to make him eat a bowl of cobwebs.”
“I’m going to find you, bitch! And when I do, you’re going to learn some manners!”
“Not if I find you first!”
“STOP SWEARING!”
Twilight shot another hole in the dimensional wall-barrier, revealing a world in which Spike was not immediately visible. But then she saw something purple out of the corner of her eye and assumed it was Spike. She concluded that there was no sense in waiting to see whether or not it was actually Spike, and leapt into the quantum space-time rift with no regrets. She tossed her mane restlessly.
Chapter 2: What is the Going On?
A1: Good guess, but it was actually Fluttershy.
So, as per the answer to the previous Super Ultra Quantum Question Segment, Twilight found Fluttershy hiding behind a tree. Naturally, family members were the first behind whom Fluttershy hid in most cases, so it wasn’t any sort of surprise.
“Fluttershy, what are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be in an alternate universe!” Twilight questioned, questionably.
“Well, technically, you were the one who put me here, but… you know. Nobody likes me because I’m fat.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t put you here. But yes, you are fat.”
“Well, anyway, while I was here, I kinda got bored and started looking for trees, behind which I could find a suitable hiding location.”
“Could you say that again, but in English this time?”
“No… I don’t know how to speak English…”
Twilight tossed her mane restlessly. “Of course you don’t. Meh, whatever. Have you seen a little purple lizard anywhere? He escaped my universe when he shouldn’t have. I saw a purple blur in this universe and thought it was him, but it turned out to be you.”
“Oh… you mean Spike? He was here a while ago, but I don’t really remember which direction he went.”
“That’s fine. As long as you remember him being here, I can track his movements using this Super Telegram Motive!” Twilight produced a medium-sized metal cube, with a large red cylinder in the center of one face, from her pocket.
“…”
“Do you like how shiny I made it?”
“Why the fuck did you name it… that? Are you stupid or something?” Fluttershy asked, removing herself from the relative position (with respect to Twilight), ‘behind the tree’, in order to acquire the ability for a clear view of Twilight holding her invention.
“What do you mean? I just used the built in Random Number Generator to generate random characters between ‘a’ and ‘=’. It’s quite simple, really. ‘Super Telegram Motive’ is the string with which it came up after generating 19 characters.”
“That’s some sky-high high-tech tech you’ve got there. How long did it take to build?”
“One hour exactly. You can even check my quantum stopwatch, here.” Twilight used her magic to take it out of her pocket, placing it in Fluttershy’s hand. It had a small square screen: approximately log_e((π+π-√10)^(((√10+π))/2) )"×log_e((π+π-√10)^(((√10+π))/2) )". On it, was a series of numbers, two showing hours, two showing minutes and two showing seconds. On the edge was a button with a yellow arrow pointing outwards from the seconds display.
“Twigload, what does this arrow mean?” Fluttershy inquired.
“Well, press it, and you’ll be shown the following number: “one” (1), followed by an infinite number of digits, all zeros. That proves that it took exactly one hour. If it eventually reaches a non-zero digit, it slows down to the point where you can clearly see all digits appearing. I built it using light gates.”
“Light gates? What are those?”
“Something from about 50 years in the future. I used this time machine to get them.” Twilight began to pull a small device out of her pocket, but she was interrupted by Fluttershy.
“Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! I can’t handle all of this future stuff!” Twilight put the device back into her pocket.
“Well, if you need it, you can use this suicide machine to…” Twilight was in the process of pulling another small cube out of her pocket, when Fluttershy just screamed and flew at maximum speed (Twilight could tell, using the Warp Speedometer she had built and implanted into her eye) towards the cold, asphyxiatingly vacuum-ful realm of outer space. Then she died. “Oh well… I suppose that works too…”
“Alright! Now, to figure out where Spike went… damn.”
Fluttershy was now dead and, therefore, could not assist Twilight in her search for the violet-scaled nincompoop. Her only option was to resort to… trying to find someone who could help her a little bit so that she could still take credit for finding Spike in an alternate universe. The most logical direction in which to start was that of the nearest town: Ponyville.