The Tale Tell Pinkie

TRUE! --nervous --very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad?
The disease had sharpened my senses --not destroyed --not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. I trowed the best darn parties in ponyville.
How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily --how calmly I can tell you the whole story.

It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Object there was none. Passion there was none. I loved Derpy as a very good, cross eyed sister.
She had never wronged me. She had never given me insult. For her bits I had no desire. I think it was something with her eyes!
yes, it was this!
She had the eyes of a vulture --a pare of yellow, cross-eyed eyes that was staring into your soul, with a film over it.
Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold; and so by degrees --very gradually --I made up my mind to take the life of Derpy, and thus rid myself of her eyes forever.

Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Mad Pinkie's know nothing.
But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded --with what caution --with what foresight --with what dissimulation I went to work!
My Pinkemena-side had taken over me almost every night.
I was always nice to Derpy.
And every night, about midnight, I turned the latch of her door and opened it --oh so gently!
And then, when I had made an opening sufficient in front of my pink mane, I put in a dark lantern, all closed, closed, that no light shone out, and then I thrust in my head.
Oh, you would have laughed to see how cunningly I trusted it in! I moved it slowly --very, very slowly, so that I may not make the slightest sound.
It took me an hour to place my whole head within the opening so far that I could see him as she lay upon her bed. Ha! would a mad earthpony have been so wise as this, And then, when my head was well in the room, I undid the lantern cautiously-oh, so cautiously --cautiously (for the hinges creaked) --I undid it just so much that a single thin ray fell upon her eyes.
And this I did for seven long nights --every night just at midnight --but I found the eye always closed; and so it was impossible to do the work; for it was not Derpy who vexed me, but her evil eyes.
And every morning, when the day broke, I went boldly into the chamber, and spoke courageously to Derpy, calling her name in a hearty tone, and inquiring how she slept last night.
Derpy understood it all and she thought that it was fine that I kept an eye on her while she slept.
Her IQ was not so very high as usual,but that wasn't a problem at all for me!
So you see me and Derpy Hooves were great and good friends indeed.

Upon the eighth night I was more than usually cautious in opening the door.
Usual having a party at Twilight´s house or i had some sweets to bake but this night ; I stayed awake again.
A Clock's minute moves more quickly than did mine. Never before that night had I felt the extent of my own powers --of my sagacity. I could scarcely contain my feelings of triumph. To think that there I was, opening the door, little by little, and she was not even to dream of my secret deeds or thoughts.
I fairly chuckled at the idea; and perhaps she heard me; for Derpy moved on the bed suddenly, as if startled. Now you may think that I drew back --but no. Her room was as black as pitch with the thick darkness,
(for the shutters were close fastened, through fear of robbers,) and so I knew that she could not see the opening of the door, and I kept pushing it on steadily, steadily.