To Hit Armour Class Princess
"OK," said Rainbow Dash, sighing. She stared at the sheet in front of her. "Which one do I have to roll, again?"
"The same as last round, dear," said Rarity, leaning across the table and pushing a bevy of snack wrappers and cups to one side. "It's a mental attack. Roll against Acuity."
The pegasus took another long look at her sheet. "Acuity...oh man! I've got like an eight in that. Who attacks Acuity?"
Twilight surveyed the group. Some of them had been a bit...reluctant...to join in this adventure, but she'd bullied and cajoled and bargained them here if just for the one evening. She even suspected that Rainbow Dash, who'd spent the first hour complaining about games with rulebooks longer than five pages, was actually enjoying herself. And she'd needed something to get her away from work.
"Twi'?"
She looked up. The left-hoof side of the table - Applejack and Pinkie Pie - were looking at her expectantly. Rarity was surreptitiously wiping fluoro-orange dust from one of Rainbow Dash's many junk food packets off of her hooves. Rainbow was attacking her sheet with an eraser, still complaining about how only wimps and cowards used attacks that required you save versus Acuity. Fluttershy was busy turning the bottom half of her character sheet into some kind of elaborate drawing.
"Oh, right, yes. Uh, AJ, the astronaut seems to be completely occupied with its psychic assault on Rainbow-ah, that is, Storm. It's your turn to act. What do you do?"
Applejack put a hoof on either side of her character sheet. She'd filled it out in an almost childishly round script, although she'd pressed too hard at first and now half of it was gouged with the repeated furrows of marked-and-erased scores.
"Ah still got three charges in this gun, right?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Sure thing. I level it at the astronaut and activate it."
Twilight glanced down at her notes. "OK," she said. "There's a muffled crack as AJ's - er, Jerod's - gun goes off. AJ, roll to hit."
Applejack scooped the dice from where Rainbow Dash had been hoarding them, and rolled. "Huh," she said. "Ah'm guessing a five ain't a hit."
"Nope. The projectile bounces off the helmet of the astronaut. It's like it doesn't even notice." Twilight leafed through her notes. If they keep at it like this, she thought, there isn't going to be much party left. I wonder if there's some errata on this?
"Ooh!" said Pinkie Pie, from her seat on the left. "Is it my turn? Is it? Is it?"
Twilight glanced up. "I guess it must be. What're you doing?"
"Oooh! It's my turn!" The earth pony stood up in her chair, swinging back onto its rear legs and nearly overbalancing. Twilight shot out a forehoof, envisioning the table going flying in her head. "My turn, my turn! I get to do things!" The earth pony peered at her sheet, lip stuck out. "Now, what was I gonna do?"
Applejack rolled her eyes. "Jus' attack it like the rest of us been doin'," she said.
"No," said Pinkie, poring over her sheet. "Nonono, I had a thing, it was a thing...here it is!" She slammed a hoof down near the bottom of her sheet, sending her chair into another precarious backward-and-forward arc and upsetting the mountain of soda cans Rainbow Dash had been surreptitiously building. "I confound it!" she exlaimed.
"That's not the only thing yer confounding," muttered Applejack.
"Oh," said Twilight, "OK. Uh, can you do that?" She turned to the table. "Can she do that?"
"As a second-level anarchist she gets it as a once-per-day ability," said Rarity in a bored tone.
Rainbow Dash looked up from the ruins of her can tower. "Seriously?" she said, shooting the unicorn a look. "Reading through the rulebook now? I thought Twilight was supposed to be the ne-ow!"
Rarity glared at the pegasus. Rainbow Dash rubbed her fetlock. Twilight didn't notice: she was checking the readout for the astronaut again, because she could swear she'd just skipped over a section-
Ah.
A being of the Outer Spaces, the Astronaut is unfamiliar with terrestrial culture and norms, and likely to be easily confused by common occurrences.
Although with Pinkie Pie, Twilight thought to herself, familiarity with terrestrial culture never was an advantage.
"OK, sure!" said Twilight. "You...what do you do to confound it?"
"Oooh! I got this one! First, I start running around it in circles! Next, while I'm doing that, I get a mirror out and start shining sunlight in its eyes-"
"It's wearing a helmet," said Rainbow Dash from the corner. "Hey, did you know that this soda is like eighty percent sugar?"
"Into where its eyes should be," said Pinkie Pie, unperturbed. "And then-"
"The being lurches back with a cry," said Twilight, before Pinkie could get too carried away. "It's well and truly confounded by your actions."
"Hold on," said Pinkie Pie. "Don't I get to roll?"
"Nope! It looks like your attack was especially effective against it."
Pinkie's grin drooped. "But I wanted to roll the pointy one..."
"Well..." said Twilight. "I guess you'll have to...uh....so, Fluttershy!"
"Oh, hello? Did I do something?"
"It's your turn."
"Oh." The pegasus looked up from her drawing. "I, uh, what just happened?"
"Rainbow Dash is under psychic assault, Applejack just used her gun and missed, and Pinkie is...uh, being Pinkie at it. And it's now staggering around in shock."
"In shock? Oh dear, this is bad."
"'shy," said Rainbow Dash. "We're fighting it, not asking it over for dinner."
Fluttershy looked down at her sheet. "Can I apply bandages to it? What about a vaccine? Oh, wait, life paddles! I apply life paddles to it!"
"Life paddles?" asked Rainbow Dash.
"It has them here, in my gear," said Fluttershy, pointing. "Life paddles."
"OK, the astronaut is flailing around," said Twilight. "You're going to have to roll to hit it."
"Nothing is standing in the way of my life paddles!" said Fluttershy. "What dice is that again?"
Applejack passed her the dice. She rolled.
"Um," she said, looking at it, "high is good, right?"
Rainbow Dash looked down. "Aw yeah!" she said. "Crit!"
"You hit the Astronaut, right in the chest plate," said Twilight. "Electricity arcs out of your life paddles and through its body. It starts to jerk around as your attack bypasses its armour-"
Fluttershy's hooves flew to her mouth. "Oh no! No no no no!"
Rainbow Dash punched the air. "Aw yeah! That's how you do it! Hey, AJ, how come you can't get electric bullets for your guns, huh?"
"This is all wrong. They're called life paddles! Life!"
Twilight put her forehooves on the table. "You finally pry your life paddles from the Astronaut, and it staggers away from you, electricity still arcing off of it into the ground. You almost think it's going to just keep going, but then it stumbles backwards, trips over an exposed root, and-"
There was a knock at the door. The mood at the table hung for a second - then dropped.
Twilight's ear twitched. "I'll get that," she said. "I'll be right back!"
Conversation started up as she left the table.
"Hey Rarity, aren't you a Technologist? I thought you were supposed to have all sorts of gadgets that do that sort of thing?"
"Don't forget, dear, they're only one-use. Then I have to repair them for eight hours..."
Twilight poked her head out the door, into the hallway. It was fast approaching night-time - when had that happened? Spike was standing there, claws clutched behind him, tracing imaginery patterns on the floorboards with his eyes.
"Oh, hello Spike!" she said. "What's up?"
"Uhhh, I know you said you weren't to be interrupted, because you were doing big girl stuff and that I should keep everything running downstairs and I should only interrupt you last thi-"
"Yes, yes, it's fine, really. To be honest, we were just about to wrap up."
"Hey, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "Do we get any loot?"
"Loot?" Spike asked. Twilight chuckled and patted him on the head.
"Only one thing on a teenage dragon's mind, right?"
"Hey!"
"Yeah, I know. So what's up?"
"Oh, right. Uh." Spike resumed his detailed inspection of the floorboards. "She's here."
"She?"
"Yeah. You know. Her."
"I - oh, wait. You mean...her?"
Spike nodded.
"But...it's a Saturday! People don't work on Saturdays! Even princesses don't work on Saturdays, I'm sure! There must be something in a referendum or a constitution or something."
Spike shrugged.
The door creaked. Rainbow Dash poked her head out. "Hey," she said, "are we still doing this thing?"
"Hold on," said Twilight. "I...I have to deal with something. I'll be back in a minute."
She clopped quietly down the staircase. Spike followed in her wake.
"How long has she been waiting?" she asked.
"Just a few minutes. I came up as soon as she got here. I figured you'd want to know."
"Where did you put her?"
"She seemed happy enough in the library, browsing the books."
"The books? Oh no." Twilight took the rest of the stairs at a canter.
Her was High Seneschal Folded Quill, which would have been a more impressive title if there were some Low Seneschals or even Mid Seneschals for her to boss about. However, the Domain of Greater Everfree was relatively young ("relatively" here meaning about two months old) and its staff somewhat lacking. Which meant that High Seneschal Folded Quill not only oversaw the administrative and domestic branches of Twilight's staff, but in a very real sense was the administrative and domestic branches of Twilight's staff.
She was also reading a five-hundred-page history of the Cloudsdale rebellion. Twilight hoped it didn't give her ideas.
"Sorry!" Twilight said, taking the last few steps in a bound and skidding to a halt in the centre of the library. "I, uh, I kind of didn't expect you here. On a Saturday."
"Kingdoms don't stop working just because it's the weekend, Ms Sparkle."
Twilight winced. She was never the princess: although you might possibly be able to convince Folded Quill that Twilight Sparkle was a princess, as far as she was concerned there was only one definite-article princess in Equestria, maybe two if Luna was feeling particularly assertive. Twilight, though, was "ma'am", or, if she'd done something particularly naive, "Ms Sparkle".
Twilight had been composing a list (in her head: she dared not commit it to paper). The list was entitled: The Folded Quill Scale of Ire. "Ms Sparkle" was a mere one out of ten on the list - she'd yet to encounter anything above a three, but she felt like she might soon if this kept up.
"To, uh," she began. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?"
Folded Quill closed the book carefully and turned to Twilight, examining her over the tops of her glasses. Twilight winced. That was a two out of ten.
"You're aware that there is a coronation coming up, Ms Sparkle?"
"A...coronation...?"
Folded Quill picked up the book in her mouth and walked carefully over to one of the overstuffed shelves. With deft precision she placed the book back where it had come from. She turned to Twilight.
"Yes. Yours."
"Oh!" said Twilight. "Yes, mine!" She grinned. "But that isn't for months yet. I mean, I've been talking to Celestia about the venue and I think we've got something sorted out and she said that we could even-"
"Ms Sparkle. Do you know how long it takes to cater for such an event?"
"Well, I figured that I could extrapolate from Canterlot's Summer Sun Celebration, I mean, assuming we expect the same order of magnitude-"
"Extrapolate," said Folded Quill. Twilight fell silent. The High Seneschal removed her glasses, balanced them on one hoof, produced a cloth from seemingly nowhere, and absent-mindedly buffed the lenses.
Twilight suppressed a nervous twitch. That was a three out of ten.
"Ms Sparkle, did you have any help with the Summer Sun Celebration?"
"Well, my friends of course."
Folded Quill remained silent.
"OK, and there was some palace staff, cooks and butlers and waiters and stuff, but...you can hire those on, right? I can hire them on, can't I? I'm a princess! That's what princesses do, isn't it?"
"Mmm-hmm," said Folded Quill, placing her glasses back on the bridge of her nose. Twilight made a mental note, in case "mmm-hmm" was the next level on the Folded Quill Scale.
"And how did that celebration go, Miss Sparkle?" she said.
"Well, I thought it went quite well. Up to the point where the Queen of Darkness interrupted and kidnapped Princess Celestia and laughed and everypony panicked, but I hardly think that was because of a failure to prepare."
"Ms Sparkle, if one prepares correctly, there should be no panic, no matter the circumstance. The perfect host is ready for every eventuality."
Twilight took a breath, walked over to one of the chairs that dotted the library. She took the opportunity while her back was turned to roll her eyes. Why can't she just leave this be? she thought to herself. I can manage a coronation. I've fought elder gods from before Celestia's time! I've seen off dragons! One little coronation can't be too hard to organise.
Folded Quill remained standing. She refused to sit in Twilight's presence unless Twilight gave her express permission. Usually Twilight would get embarrased after about three minutes, but tonight she was feeling vindictive.
"Well?" she said.
"If I may suggest," Folded Quill started. "The palace staff should be subcontracted to cater for the event. They have the experience, after all. Perhaps a section of the royal guard could be commissioned for security? You are, after all, royalty now - even if not by blood."
"OK, OK," said Twilight. "I'll get onto it in the morning."
Folded Quill frowned.
"What?" said Twilight. "It's ten o'clock or something out there! I'm not wandering up there now!"
"As you wish," Folded Quill said, nodding her head. "However, if I may provide some details. May I borrow a quill and some paper?"
Folded Quill started writing. After a couple of minutes, Twilight got up and stood next to her, looking over her shoulder and providing suggestions. A list started forming. Halfway through, the Seneschal even stopped calling her "Ms Sparkle", so Twilight figured she must've done some good.
They went over dinners, and lunches, and the average eating capacity of a pegsus (one light snack or small meal, vegetables, pulses, sometimes fish depending on how rural they were), and of an earth pony (anywhere from a good dinner to several courses and a number of desserts), and of a unicorn (somewhere between the two). They covered wait staff, costs, commissions, the difference between a waiter and a Garçon and how much Twilight would have to pay each. They itemised the number of bunches of flowers they'd have to purchase: what would be in season, what should go where to make everyone look best.
And then it was done. Folded Quill performed some sort of bureaucratic earth pony magic to fold the plan into exact thirds, and placed it on one corner of Twilight's writing desk.
"I'll start work on that tomorrow," said Twilight, eyeing the list. It was considerably longer than she'd expected.
"As you wish, ma'am," Folded Quill replied. She gave a curt nod. "In the meantime, you should get some sleep."
Twilight shot the High Seneschal a look. "Shouldn't you be getting some sleep at some point?"
"As you wish." The earth pony walked to the door. "Should you need assistance with your tasks, you know where to find me."
Folded Quill strode out into the night. Twilight waited a good minute after she'd left before letting out a breath. "'Should I need assistance,'" she muttered, gathering up a few stray books and grabbing the lantern from the wall. She made her way up the stairs, lantern trailing behind her. "I'll show her assistance," she grumbled. "I'll show some assistance to her...oh, damn."
The light in the study was still burning. She stashed the books on a nearby shelf, put the lantern down carefully next to them, and galloped into the room.
"Sorry, sorry!" she said. "I got a bit-"
The room was empty.
"-oh."
A page turned behind her. "They left quarter of an hour ago. Weren't you downstairs?"
Rarity lounged in one of the alcoves, leafing idly through the Antagonists and Adversaries expansion.
"Oh! Hello Rarity. Uh." Twilight searched her mind. Maybe someone had came and talked to her and Folded Quill? She couldn't remember - she'd been busy calculating how many gross of fruit pies to order, while fighting off another part of her brain that was arguing that it was stupid to order fruit pies in units of twelve, and if she just had a month to herself she could turn the whole sweet pastry industry upside-down with her novel, decimal ideas.
Rarity gave her a disapproving look.
Twilight hung her head. "I was a terrible host again, wasn't I."
"It wasn't that bad," said Rarity. She sent the book over to the table, placing it on top of the others. "It was quite entertaining, really, until the point where you-"
"I know," said Twilight. "The point where I dashed out of the room and left you guys to clean up."
Rarity gave the table an appraising glance. "Well," she said. "With Rainbow Dash, 'clean up' might be a bit of a stretch."
Twilight started putting the gaming books away. They all just about fit in the box, which was by this stage mainly masking tape. On the cover, faded by years of sunlight, a giant robot battled three ponies, each with their own technological gadgets. The title proclaimed: Foes & Firearms, Second Edition. On the inside of the box, a young colt some years ago had scrawled: Property of Shining Armour. Keep your hooves off - this means YOU Twilight.
Twilight grinned as she put the lid on the box. She was sure her brother wouldn't mind her messing with his stuff a little bit.
"Where did you find this, anyway?" Rarity asked. "It's awfully..."
"Old?" Twilight suggested.
"I was going to say 'retro'." Rarity gathered the detritus of Rainbow Dash's gaming spot with a sweep of magic and escorted it to the wastepaper basket. "But 'old' covers it adequately."
"It was in one of the boxes I brought from my parents' place," Twilight said. "It must have got mixed up with my stuff at some point. Shining Armour and his friends would play this for hours - they'd take up the attic for the whole day. All we'd hear is them rolling dice and laughing."
"And you thought maybe now he wasn't using it, you could find out what all the fuss was about?"
"Something like that." Twilight slipped the game box - and the pencils and the scraps of paper she'd been keeping notes on - onto a nearby shelf. She sat down at the table. "And-"
Rarity raised an eyebrow.
"And, I guess I don't get to see you guys as much now. With all the..." she waved a forehoof vaguely in the direction of her wings. "Princessing."
"You could just ask us around for tea or something, dear."
"Yeah, I know, but..." Twilight sighed. "Look, you've got the boutique, and Pinkie will probably take over at the bakery at some point, and Applejack's got the farm and...I guess we all have our own little worlds we disappear into."
Rarity stood up. "Twilight," she said, walking over. "Is everything all right?"
Twilight grinned. "I...guess? I mean -" she waved her hooves in front of her, grinning goofily. "I'm an alicorn, look at me!" She dropped her hooves. "They had to put through a motion in the Commons for that. Changing into an alicorn, that is. And now I'm honorary royalty or maybe even technically royalty - I'm still not sure how that works - and I guess my name will go down in history books and it's really handy for getting stuff of the tops of shelves and cupboard and things."
"But..." prompted Rarity.
"But it's supposed to be a fairy-tale ending! And they lived happily ever after and everyone ate cake and there were rainbows and butterflies! But instead I've got to organise things! And people expect me to govern them, or make decisions! Did you know I'm legally allowed to have someone beheaded now? I mean, it'd never get through because ponies would probably petition or something to stop it happening, but still! It says in the Laws of Equestria that as a Princess I can have someone's head chopped off! I don't even have to supply a reason!"
"Uh, can I ask why you-"
"And now I have to have a retinue! I thought I could get away with Spike managing everything but apparently there's laws that state I have to have an earth pony managing "domestic affairs", whatever that means. I mean, why specifically an earth pony? Are pegasi genetically predisposed against towels or something? Would it bring ruin to have a unicorn managing my books?"
"Well, I-"
"And now I have a High Seneschal, only they should just rename her Grand Nuisance, and she keeps on coming over to the library and commenting on how it'll be-" Twilight raised her snout into the air, looking down at Rarity along her nose, "'So nice to have a proper estate for you, ma'am.' And she keeps on giving me these things to do or just mentioning that someone should probably see to varnishing the countryside or running a bunny census or whatever, because that's apparently what's done. And then when I've done that suddenly there's another thing, and there's no one else to do it and all I want to do is sit in my room and read my books!"
Rarity raised an eyebrow.
"...sorry." Twilight looked at her hooves. "I guess I had some stuff on my mind is all."
"That's fine, dear," said Rarity. The unicorn pulled out one of the chairs and sat down across from Twilight. "It's perfectly understandable. After all, your elevation was somewhat...abrupt. Presumably if you were born into the job you'd have had years of training for this."
"I guess," said Twilight, placing her head in her hooves. "But everyone just expects I'll pick it up as I go."
"Can't you ask the Princess for help?" Rarity asked. "Uh, the other Princess?"
"Celestia's away on some diplomatic thing again," Twilight said. "She wrote me a letter yesterday - apparently she gets about five minutes to herself each day, and the rest of it she's busy being a chair for some subcommittee on intermagical denominations or something."
"What about Luna, then? Or Cadance?"
"Cadance and Shining Armour finally managed to get everything together so they could go on their honeymoon, so they're off exploring vast tracts of unknown land and making contact with new civilisations or something. I wouldn't have the faintest clue how to get in touch even if I knew where they were. And Luna...well..."
"Things still a bit awkward between you two, then?"
"I don't know, Rarity. I feel like I'm...I guess like I'm trying to replace her."
Rarity placed her hooves together and rested her chin on their intersection. "Are you?" she asked.
"No!" Twilight's eyes went wide. "But...I mean, first I thwart her plans to rule Equestria, and now I'm an alicorn..."
"To be fair," said Rarity, "she was being a tiny bit megalomaniacal."
"Well, yes, granted. But still, I don't really feel comfortable asking her for advice right now."
Rarity nodded. "Mmm-hmm," she said.
Twilight sighed again. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm not really amazing company right now."
"That's fine, darling. Honestly." She gave Twilight's hoof a reassuring pat. "I'd much rather you let this all out. It's unhealthy, you know. You'll get crow's feet."
"I just need to sleep," Twilight said, getting up from the table and stretching. She gave each wing a considered look as she flared it out - they were still new enough that she felt like she had to keep special care of them.
Rarity got up from the table. "Just remember," she said, "there's five other ponies who don't mind shouldering your burdens once in a while."
Twilight started. "Huh? Who?"
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Us, silly. If you do get too bogged down with all this, let us know."
Twilight grinned. "Thanks," she said. Then she trotted forward and gave the unicorn a hug.
"What was that for?" Rarity asked.
"For listening," Twilight said. "And for putting up with my silly game."
"It wasn't that silly," Rarity said, smiling. "If you'd just relax once in a while, you might even have fun with it."
The two of them trotted down the stairs in silence, Twilight carrying a lantern behind her in the nimbus of her magic.
Rarity paused at the doorway, looking back at Twilight. "Will you be running another session?"
Twilight pawed at the floorboard. "Well..." she said. "I don't know. The game wasn't very realistic, was it?"
"Twilight, we have plenty of realism right here. It's called reality. Sometimes, you want to escape, you know?" She smiled. "We all have our own little worlds, after all."
Twilight grinned. "Oh," she said, "so you do want another session."
"I didn't say that," said Rarity, tossing her head in a mock-disaffected manner. "But if we are, I should work out what techs my character should bring along next time. Can't be too prepared, you know."
"I'll think about it," Twilight said. "Night, Rarity."
"Good night, Twilight. Try to get some sleep."
Twilight wandered back up the stairs, lantern floating behind her.
It was weird. Rarity hadn't told her anything she didn't know, but she still felt...lighter, somehow. She still had that list on her writing desk to deal with, and the coronation to arrange, and goodness knows what else would pop up during the day. But it seemed slightly less of a problem than it had half an hour ago.
Maybe I should take her up on that offer to help, She thought as she trotted into her bedroom. It's not like a little bit of delegation ever did anypony any harm.
She put the lantern down next to her bed, climbed in, arranged the covers over herself so she somewhat resembled a pony sleeping in a bed, and blew out the light.
Darkness. She lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Something was nagging at her. She backtracked, trying to work out what it was.
Oh. Right.
Delegation.
Her horn glowed. She tended to keep a notebook and quill next to her bed for moments just like these. She turned to a fresh page and began to draft a note.
To High Seneschal Folded Quill
For Princess-related reasons it is imperative that I secure the following books from retailers in Canterlot...
There was a knock at the door.
"Coming!" Twilight yelled, quill hovering above the paper as she reviewed her letter. With a flourish, she signed it:
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
"Spike," she called. "Could you send this?"
Spike's head popped out from one of the alcoves that dotted the main reading room of the library. "I thought you wanted me to rearrange the section-"
"Oh, yes, well. Could you send this first?"
"Hold on." Spike frowned, chewing on a claw. "She's engaged right now. But I'll do it as soon as she's free!"
Twilight smiled. "Thanks." She turned to the door, then looked back. "How do you know, anyway?"
"Hmm?"
"When she won't take messages."
Spike grabbed a stack of books, placed Twilight's letter on top, and carried the pile back to the shelf. "Remember that time I accidentally messed up the order in the book-filing checklist?" he said, as he started slotting books into place.
"Last March?"
"Yeah. And you came rocketing down the stairs like there was a changeling in your bedroom?" He shrugged. "Some part of me just knows." He filed the last of the books, picked up the letter, and carefully slotted it between two of the spikes on his back. "As soon as she's free," he confirmed.
Twilight trotted over to the door. Applejack was standing there, saddlebags bulging with a variety of autumn fruit, inspecting the abandoned planter boxes that sat under the windows of the library.
"Af'noon, sugarcube," she said. "Fluttershy says she'd awful sorry, but the local beaver population has an outbreak of toothache or some-such and she's workin' double time. Don't you have anyone taking care of your flowers?"
Twilight peered at the planter boxes. "...should I?" she said. "It's autumn. Stuff dies in autumn."
"Stuff's at it's best in autumn!" Applejack entered the library, dumping her saddlebags on a nearby table. "Ain'tcha wondered why I've been so busy?"
"You've been doing...farm stuff, right?"
"Everything's ready to pick! Me an' Big Mac are up from cock's crow to sundown just making sure we bring everything in. S'why I've got all this fruit. I figure anything's better than that junk Rainbow Dash brings. You doing this Foes and Fighting thing down here, or are we up in your study again?"
"Well..." said Twilight. "About that."
"You don't wanna run another game?" Applejack opened one of the saddles and pulled a brace of pears out. "To be honest I can kinda see why. Tricky enough running one person in that game. I dunno how you can cope with all the organising stuff."
"Oh!" said Twilight, "No, no, it's nothing like that. It's just...well, let's wait until everyone's here, shall we?"
"You wanna do what?"
"I just thought that after our game last time, we could branch out a bit."
"Does this mean new rules?" Rainbow Dash asked. "I hadn't even got the hang of the old rules."
"Ah!" said Twilight. "That's exactly my point! Fiends and Firearms may have been the state of the art ten years ago, but we've moved on since then. A number of these games are supposed to be much more intuitive than F&F. It said so in the reviews."
"Hold on," said Rarity. "A number? How many other games do you have?"
"Well," said Twilight, "I felt I needed to get a representative sample of the industry. If you'll just..." She frowned in concentration, horn glowing, and an imposing stack of books floated from the floor onto the table.
There was silence from the group.
Finally, Rainbow Dash said, "I don't think I've read that many books in my entire life."
"We don't have to go through every single one of them," said Twilight dismissively. "We just need to find the right one for us. Like this one." She pulled a couple of books from the top of the pile. They were big thick rulebooks, not like some of the skinny volumes further down the pile. Rainbow's face fell.
"Here we go!" Twilight said, giving the cover of the top book an affectionate rub with her hoof. "H.O.O.V.E.S.: the Holistic Objective-Oriented Virtual Environment Simulator."
"The what now?" Applejack asked.
"I think they just wanted a fun acronym." She turned the book over to read the back cover. "It says it's dedicated to providing a realistic experience at the gaming table. The reviewers have said it's very detailed. And thankfully, I happened to pick up a little pre-made adventure for us as well." She grabbed the second book and waved it at the group. The cover proclaimed: FREE TRADER SHADOWFAX: Adventures in the void.
Pinkie Pie snatched up the adventure book and opened it to a random page. "Ooh!" she exclaimed. "It's set in space."
"Yes. Now, give that back." Twilight snatched the sourcebook back and held onto it protectively.
"Space?" Applejack said. "Really? I thought this was supposed to be realistic."
"Shadowfax is set in the far future," Twilight said. "It makes some assumptions about the passage of magical progress - which I think aren't too far fetched actually."
"Still doesn't sound far off fantasy to me," Applejack grumbled.
"I think it's a wonderful idea. Ponies need to be made aware that magic isn't just this unchanging thing - we're doing research and every day we're getting better. One of these days, we will put a pony on the moon, just you wait and see!"
"Yeah," said Applejack, "because it went so well last time we did that."
"Well, that was an extreme example," said Twilight seriously, "and I'm sure we can agree that we don't want to see that happen in our lifetimes. But," she said, perking up, "that's just it! It's doable. We just need to work out what to do."
"Yeah, just turn all the scientists into alicorns, that'll do it," said Rainbow Dash, rolling her eyes.
The conversation stopped. The pegasus blinked. "What?" she asked.
Twilight ruffled her wings.
Rainbow's eyes widened. "Oh," she said. "Ah. I'll just sit in the corner and remove hoof from mouth, OK?"
The airlock hissed open. Sun Blaze peered around the corner, horn-mounted snub pistol covering the far entrance.
"All good," she said.
At the other end of the connecting tube, her three hardsuit-clad companions kicked off from the wall of their ship and floated to join her.
"I don't like this at all," said Bright Spark, as they drifted towards the other ship. "No damage? No signals? Something here isn't right."
"Maybe it's monkeys," said Floppy Top, flechette rifle swinging wildly around as she tried to cover all angles. "Wicked-sharp space monkeys with swords. They get in through your airlock and then wham with their opposable thumbs and their funny grippy feet things."
"Why did we have to bring a needlepoint expert along?" Cloudburst said from the front of the pack.
"Hey! I can do crochet as well!"
"Why did you even take ranks in needlepoint?"
"Just concentrate on what's ahead of us," said Sun Blaze, covering them.
They landed on the hull of the abandoned ship next to Sun Blaze. Bright Spark's horn glowed as she interfaced with the ship's hatch.
"Pegasus make," she said, "crude, but servicable."
"Hey!" Cloudburst said. "Who're you calling crude?"
There was a click, then a smooth whoosh as the door of the airlock opened. Sun Blaze entered first dropping to the floor as the ship's gravity field enveloped her. "Auxiliary magic's intact," she said. "Must still be collecting solar rays." Cloudburst followed her in, with Bright Spark in the middle and Floppy Top bringing up the rear.
"Did you have to bring that thing?" Spark asked.
"What thing?" said Cloudburst, attempting to turn around. The barrel of her body-mounted plasma cannon clunked against the bulkhead.
"That thing," said Spark.
"This thing?" Cloudburst asked. "This thing packs a terawatt of power into an area the size of a hoof print." She stroked the barrel lovingly. "Wait 'til we hit trouble, then we'll see much you want it around."
"Girls," said Blaze at the front. "Don't want to interrupt your conversation, but...you might wanna check this out."
The four of them filed into what looked like a cargo hanger. The place was vast - bigger than any of the stables at Sweet Apple Acres - and it was littered with crates.
"Spark," Sun Blaze said, "you have any schematics on hand for this sort of thing?"
"Cockpit should be somewhere to our right," Bright Spark said, consulting her hoof-mounted readout. "Engineering to the left, and any cold berths straight ahead."
"OK," said Sun Blaze, checking over the room. "You head to engineering then. See what's worth salvaging off this hunk o' junk. Cloudburst, you go with. Me an' Flopple Top-"
"Floppy Top."
"...yeah, that, will take the cockpit, see if we can work out what caused this thing to- what was that?"
"What was what?" said Cloudburst, describing a complicated about-turn and setting the cargo hanger echoing as her plasma cannon bounced against her hard-suit.
"Stop movin' and I'll try to work out!"
Cloudburst stopped, one hoof raised. The echoes slowly died out, but a skittering, scratching sound kept going.
"Is it spiders?" Floppy Top said. "I hate spiders."
There was the sound of a faint buzzing, and up from behind the nearest crate rose-
"Parasprites?" Bright Spark said. "In space?"
"OK, spiders are fine!"
"Floppy Top! Bright Spark!" Blaze barked. "Get to the cockpit. Grab what you can! Cloudburst and I'll hold 'em off!" And she let out a burst at the nearest-
"Hold on," said Twilight. "You're attacking?"
"That's what I said," said Applejack, dice already in one hoof.
"Did you aim?" Twilight asked.
"What?"
"Did you aim? There's a bonus if you aim."
"Idunno. Did I have time to aim?"
"Probably not. OK. Were you bracing against anything?"
"Was I-? Look, I'm just shooting the thing!"
"Well," said Twilight, frowning at her book. "OK, I guess..."
And she let out a burst at the nearest parasprite. Low-velocity slugs ripped through the air, caroming off the nearest one. Spark and Floppy Top galloped past them, leaped a stray container, and were down the door to the cockpit. Blaze gave a swing of the head, dislodging the spent magazine and pulling another out of her utility belt as she brought up a magical shield. "A little support'd be real handy right now," she yelled as she jammed in a new magazine, backpedalling wildly as a swarm of enraged parasprites threw themselves on her.
Cloudburst was having her own problems. She'd got clear of the pack to get a good shot, but run into another swarm that was emerging from the engine room. She was bucking and kicking furiously, but the plasma rifle was causing her no end of pain.
"Drop it!" said Blaze from across the room.
"Hells no! I spent all my starting cash on this thing!"
Blaze's next burst took out a bunch of the parasprites and gave her some breathing space. "Fine!" she yelled. "I'll do this myself!" She whirled, kicked with her back legs, jumped onto the nearest container. From there she jumped from one to another, a swarm of angry parasprites on her tail. She galloped along one, gaining speed, and then leaped.
Cloudburst was far too busy keeping herself from getting mobbed to see this. The first she knew was when she looked up and saw a hundred seventy pounds of armoured space-pony flying towards her.
The two of them collided and rolled down the engineering corridor, the combined swarms of angry buzzing space-faring insects following them into the cramped confines of the hallway. Finally, they rolled to a halt, Cloudburst lying on her stomach facing back towards the cargo bay with Sun Blaze sprawled on top of her. With a shake of the head, Blaze staggered to her feet and dove out of the way. "Now, Cloudburst!" she yelled.
Cloudburst looked up. A snarling, buzzing morass of insectoid malice, bunched up into one dense mob, was barreling straight for her. She grinned.
"I've been waiting all afternoon for this," she said. Her rear hoof kicked the safety on her plasma cannon, and she opened fire.
"Here," said Twilight, passing Rainbow Dash a hoof-full of dice. "Roll these for damage."
"Which ones?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"All of them."
Rainbow's eyes widened. "So cool," she mouthed.
After a bit, the fire died down. The buzzing did not.
Bright Spark and Floppy Top cantered back into the cargo bay. "We've got all the- what happened here?"
Sun Blaze and Cloudburst emerged from the smoke. Cloudburst had a look of glazed awe on her face.
"She happened," said Sun Blaze. "There's more of the blighters. Let's make like a tree."
"Hold on," said Spark. "There might be ponies in the cold berths."
The intensity of the buzzing increased. One of the containers, blown aside by Cloudburst's earlier shot, shifted slightly.
"And we might be in immanent danger of getting overrun!" Blaze retorted.
"Sorry," said Bright Spark, "I'm not leaving without checking the berths". The door to the container swung open, and several multicoloured bodies crawled out. Floppy Top swung around and nailed two with her flechette rifle.
Blaze rolled her eyes. "Well, come on!" she said, galloping towards the low berths. The others followed, Spark keeping the parasprites at bay with a well-timed hail of lead. As they entered the corridor, she grabbed at the edge of the hatch and started to pull it closed. Blaze charged back, grabbed the top of the hatch, and together they managed to close it. Angry parasprites flung themselves against the glass of the window.
"Uh, guys?" said Cloudburst, peering into a side room. Six coffin-sized canisters lined the walls: cold berths, capable of magically suspending a pony's life for deep-space travel.
Two were broken. Two were open. The nearest one - still closed - was buzzing ominously.
"OK," said Spark. "Maybe the berths are a lost cause." She backpedalled as the buzzing crescendoed, accompanied by a long drawn-out crack as the glass in the nearest one fractured. "OK, the berths are definitely a lost cause!" Then the glass fractured, and a multicoloured swarm emerged from the berth.
"Tactical withdrawal!" yelled Sun Blaze, gun echoing off the narrow confines of the room. Floppy Top's flechette rifle added to the cacophony as parasprites fell left, right and centre. Bright Spark and Cloudburst galloped to the hatch, whose window was by now crawling with parasprites.
"Girls," said Bright Spark, "not to alarm you, but we may be the slightest bit trapped."
Floppy Top and Sun Blaze galloped up the corridor. "Well," said Floppy Top cheerfully, "I'm out of ammo!"
"And I'm out of ideas," said Sun Blaze. "What next?"
Cloudburst took a deep breath. "Everyone hold tight to me," she said. And then she pointed the gun at the ceiling.
"You're firing on the ship?" Twilight asked.
"Yep."
"OK. Um. Hold on." She leafed through her book.
"So," said Rainbow Dash to Rarity. "Wanna buy me one of these things for my birthday?"
Rarity gave the pegasus a look. "You know we don't actually have plasma cannons in real life, right?"
"Yeah, but I was holding out in case we did and you guys had just been keeping it a secret from me."
"Even if we did have plasma cannons," Applejack said, "fat chance we'd give one to you. We like Ponyville intact, not a smoking hole in the ground."
"Aw, c'mon! You just assume that if I got my hooves on one of these things, I'd accidentally fire it on Ponyville."
"Well, what would you use it for?"
"Oh, you know. Scaring off Celestia's Witnesses, cooking toast-"
"Aha!" said Twilight.
Rainbow Dash leaned in. "Does it work?" she asked.
"Let me check...yes. Yes, it works."
Rainbow Dash punched the air. "Yeah! Strike two for the plasma cannon!"
Twilight looked up. "Now," she said, "where were we..."
Air rushed out of the gaping hole blown in the ship. Four hardsuited ponies found themselves flailing about in the vast coldness of space.
"Great plan, smart-ass," Spark said over the intercom. "Now rather than dying from parasprites we're going to die from oxygen starvation."
"Hey," Cloudburst growled, "these suits are good for an hour! And I didn't see you with any smart ideas."
"Crude," muttered Bright Spark under her breath.
"Hey," said Sun Blaze, "we're not dead yet, right? These things have some sort of magic-jet-thingy, right?"
"Sure," said Bright Spark. "But not enough to get us back to the ship."
"You sure about that?"
Rarity turned to Twilight. "How far can they go?" she asked.
Twilight's eyes locked on the middle distance. "I..." she said. "Hold on." She grabbed the rulebook and started leafing through it.
There was a quiet tap at the door.
"Busy," said Twilight peremptorily.
"Twilight, it's me. Spike. She's headed this way."
"I said I- wait, she is?" Twilight's head whipped up from the book. With a muffled pamf she blinked over to the door, hauled Spike in, and shut it behind him. She whirled around to the rest of the table and held a hoof to her lips.
There was a knock at the main door of the library. The ponies upstairs waited in silence, Twilight poised by the door like she was ready to make a getaway.
"Ma'am?"
Silence. Everypony watched Twilight. Twilight watched the door.
"Ma'am, are you in there? We need to talk."
Applejack opened her mouth. Twilight whipped her head back, gaze settling on the earth pony. She closed her mouth again.
Then they heard the sound of hoofbeats headed away from the Library. Twilight let out a breath.
"What's she bugging you about?" Applejack asked.
"Oh, just a neverending stream of business," Twilight said flippantly.
"And that's enough of a problem that you have to hide up here?" Rarity asked.
"Well, uh," Twilight said, staring at her hooves. "I may have avoided her for the past week."
"Twilight, do you really think that's-"
"Oh hey!" Twilight said, trotting back to the table, "I just remembered where the rules for those suit jets were."
The group scrambled back to the table. Twilight was far too busy leafing through the rulebook to notice a glance pass between Spike and Rarity as the dragon excused himself.
"Here we go," said Twilight. "Suit-mounted jets have a very limited range. With the velocity you have, you might be able to bring yourselves to a stop relative to the Shadowfax and your ship..."
"...but no further," Spark said. "Also, I hate to point this out, but we're getting further away every second."
"Oooh," said Floppy Top. Even the dead of space couldn't dull her enthusiasm. "I have an idea! Everyone jet over to me and hang on tight!"
"A hug ain't gonna get us anywhere," said Sun Blaze. She'd clipped the wall as she was sucked out the ship, and it had given her just enough angular momentum that she was slowly spinning head-over-tail. Every few minutes her visor came around and she was facing the rest of them: the rest of the time, they were treated to her back, side, or tail.
"Got any better ideas?" asked Bright Spark. The intercom hissed slightly as she ran one of her jets.
"Spark's got a point," said Cloudburst. There was another hiss, followed by a couple of muffled oofs as the three other ponies collided.
"Coming your way!" said Floppy Top. The three of them gently rolled into view, their combined momenta pushing them into Blaze's path. She gave one of the buttons on her belt a gentle nudge with a forehoof, and she was jetting towards them on a collision course. As soon as they were in reach she hooked a foreleg around Floppy Top's leg.
"So what's the plan now?" she said.
"We're going to grapple our way to victory!" Floppy Top said.
"We're going to what now?"
"Floppy," Cloudburst said, "we're in space-suits. This isn't a western."
"And this pony took a grappling gun. If I can just...reach it..." Floppy Top craned around, trying to get at her belt.
Bright Spark was watching the Shadowfax. "It's still getting smaller," she said.
"Everyone, jets, now!" said Sun Blaze, hitting the button on her belt. Even Floppy Top stopped her acrobatics to run jets.
"I'm out," said Cloudburst. "Those things are weak!"
"They're not designed to push you around space," Sun Blaze said, fumbling at the tiny grapple gun attached to Floppy Top's belt. "They're not supposed to go outside at all. We're lucky they're vacuum proof."
"We've slowed," said Bright Spark, "but I think we're still drifting away."
"That's OK," said Floppy Top as Sun Blaze handed her the gun. "This thing will get us back." She brought the thing up to eye level, aiming down the barrel.
"Floppy," said Sun Blaze, "you can't think you'll actually manage to grab anything at this range!"
"Don't need to," Floppy said, her tongue sticking out of her mouth in a comical manner as she lined up her target.
"Then what're you aiming for?" Bright Spark asked.
"...yeah, what are you aiming for?" Twilight Sparkle repeated.
"The connection thingy!" Pinkie Pie said with a grin.
"The connection thingy?"
"She means the airlock tube," Applejack said.
"You do realise you're a couple of furlongs away?" Twilight asked. "Spearing your grapple through that from this distance would be like..."
Pinkie Pie leaned forward. "Say it..." she said.
"Huh?"
Pinkie grinned. "C'mon, say it!"
"...like...uh, threading a needle?"
"Yes!" Pinkie shrieked, rocking her chair backward. Applejack caught the edge before she fell on the floor. "It was worth it!"
Twilight frowned. Then recognition dawned, and she sighed. She passed the dice to Pinkie Pie. "Fine," she said, "roll needlepoint."
Rarity was the last to leave, again.
"Well," said Twilight with a sigh, "how did it go?"
"It went splendidly!" Rarity said, clearing food wrappers and apple cores from the table. "And it was very nice of Applejack to bring over snacks. Although I did have to wonder at some of the apples."
"I told you," Twilight said, "those are wear marks. It's where the apple rubs against the branch. It happens naturally."
Rarity sniffed. "They never have anything like that when I buy them from the market."
"That's because they know ponies like you will buy blemish-free fruit for three bits apiece," Twilight said. She gathered up the character sheets and slotted them inside the rulebook, before putting it neatly on top of the stack of books she'd piled on the ground.
"Rarity?"
"Yes, dear?"
"You don't think I'm going a bit...overboard, do you?"
"Whatever do you mean, dear?"
"With the games. With the rulebooks."
Rarity pulled up a chair and sat down at the table. "I think we all have our own ways of going about things. You just like to be thorough, is all."
There was a knock at the door. Spike sidled into the room.
"Hey guys," he said, "I saw everypony else had left, and I thought I'd just come in to see how everything's going."
"Oh, don't mind us," said Rarity. "The others are pretty easy to clean up after. We were just discussing Twilight's insecurities about the game."
"Rarity-"
"Oh yeah?" Spike said. "And how did it go?" he asked Twilight.
Twilight gave Rarity a glare. "Well..." she said. "Yes. Well. It went well."
"Although you really do need to do something about looking everything up in those books of yours," said Rarity.
"There's a lot of detail, OK?" Twilight said. She tapped her head with her hoof. "I can't keep it all up here."
Rarity grinned. "Oh, of course," she said, "I thought you did a marvelous job of keeping everything running. And for your second game? Brilliant."
"So, uh," Spike said, climbing up onto one of the chairs. "About Folded Quill..."
"Hold on," said Twilight, "I thought we were talking about today's game."
"And now we're talking about Folded Quill," said Rarity.
Twilight glanced between the two of them, unicorn and dragon, both of them focussed on her. "Look, I know what I'm doing, I swear. But she just gets in the way of everything and if I need to get anything done I need to get rid of her first."
"Twilight," Rarity said, "didn't Celestia personally appoint Folded Quill to your staff?"
"Yes, so?"
"Do you think she'd just give you some dead weight to lug around? When you're just learning how to be a princess?"
"Oh," said Twilight, "and you know Princess Celestia so well?"
"Well," said Spike, "I think maybe-"
"I think I know her well enough," Rarity said, eyes narrowed. "I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't want you hiding out in your library because you can't face the one pony she could get to help you."
"Oh," Twilight growled, planting both forehooves on the table. "Is this a me-and-her thing now? Because let me tell you, she's not the only around here with wings any more, and having these things-" she paused to flare out her own set of wings, "-doesn't make you any better than any other pony, get it?"
"Now girls," said Spike, claws raised in placation, "maybe we-"
"Shut up!" the two unicorns said in unison.
"OK," muttered Spike, "forget I ever said anything."
Rarity turned back go the table. "I think, Twilight," she said, keeping her tone level, "that you're in serious danger of losing perspective here. I'm warning you - as a friend - that you really need to sit back and take a good look at what you're doing."
"Oh yeah?" said Twilight. "Well, I think I've got all the perspective I need." A faint glow enveloped her horn, and her wings flared. The dying daylight leaking through from the window behind her started to dim; the only light in the room was her horn, a weird sickly purple-black half-light emanating from it. "I'm a princess now," she said, "that means I run things. I have perspective. And it's bad enough trying to do all this without having petty little ponies like her and you interfere all the time."
Rarity swallowed a lump in her throat. "Oh, that's all I am to you?" she retorted. "A petty little unicorn, with her petty little concerns? Like what happens to her friends?" She put both forehooves on the table, bringing herself eye-to-eye with the alicorn. "I thought you said the wings didn't make you better than everypony else, Twilight Sparkle."
"Out!" The walls rattled. The floor rumbled. There was a crack as a jagged fracture ran through one of the window panes. Everything in the room was cast in a weird violet glow as magical energy coruscated along Twilight's horn. Wings spread, she towered over Rarity. "Both of you! Out! Now!"
Spike got out the door before Rarity, but only just. The door slammed behind them, and as soon as it hit the frame, the weird rumbling stopped. In its place, silence.
Rarity leaned against the wall, hoof over her heart.
"Are you OK?" Spike asked.
"Sure...I just...need..." She took several gulping breaths. "I, uh-" she laughed nervously. "I didn't quite expect that. Remind me never to make Celestia angry." She cast a look back at the door. "Ever."
Spike walked up to the door and cupped his ear. "She's silenced it," he said. "She does that sometimes when she gets angry."
"So..." Rarity asked. "She can't hear us?"
"And we can't hear her, yeah."
The two headed down the stairs in their own cloud of silence. The library was closed: it was close to dusk outside, and Spike had shut everything a good while ago. The dragon walked over to the mantlepiece and picked up a gas lamp. Opening the valve, he breathed a tiny whisp of flame onto the wick, and the room was bathed in a soft glow.
"Has...has Twilight done this before?" Rarity asked.
"The silence thing? Yeah. The...other thing?" Spike sighed. "Not like this. Not this bad."
The lamp flickered slightly as he put it back down on the mantlepiece. Rarity raised a hoof, let it drop, and cleared her throat. "Is there, uh...is there anything I can do?"
Spike shrugged, still looking at the lamp. "She'll probably calm down best on her own. When she's like this, being around other ponies just makes her worse."
Rarity walked over to the dragon's side. "Spike," she said in a strained half-whisper, "this is bad. I don't know if we can just leave her alone and hope."
"Trust me," Spike said. "She goes through these phases where she thinks no one else is on her level, where she just can't take help from anyone. It's happened before. Every time I've tried to help, it's just driven her further in on herself. She'll sort it out, I swear."
"She's supposed to be a princess, Spike. She's ruling a kingdom-"
"Domain."
"Huh?"
"Technically, a princess rules over a domain."
Rarity shook her head. "Whatever it is, Twilight's supposed to be ruling over it. How can she do that if she's shuttered herself in her room? Worse, what if she needs to make some sort of important decision when she's in one of these moods?"
"But...what can I do?" said Spike, turning to face Rarity.
The unicorn put a hoof on Spike's shoulder. "We can we do, Spike."
Spike put his claw on the hoof. "Thanks," he said, smiling. "But still," he continued, "what can we do?"
"We wait," Rarity said. "You said yourself that other ponies would just make her worse right now. So I guess we wait until she's better."
"And then?" Spike asked.
Rarity sighed. "I don't know. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
The two of them stood in silence for a moment.
"Uh, Spike?" Rarity said.
"Hmm?" Spike said. Then he looked down, and blushed. "Oh. Sorry." He let his claw drop.
Rarity trotted over to the door, pausing at the mantle. "You'll keep in touch, won't you?" she said, hoof on the latch.
"Yeah," said Spike. He gathered up a couple of stray books, grabbing the lamp in his other claw. "I'll let you know when she's better."
"Don't worry," Rarity as she turned to go. "We'll fix this. You'll see."