“You really don’t have to help out with this, Tall Order. This is my burden to bear. Probably penance for some sin or another.”

Pirouette, from her stool at the bar, crossed her front legs and gave me a look. “If it’s penance, Done Deal, we’ll have to make it a weekly affair to keep up.” The sparkle in her eyes gave her away, though. Ever since I’d told her that the ladies’ night she demanded was actually a great idea, she’d been in a good mood. When I told her I’d have Primavera cater it, she’d been absolutely delighted. And when I griped all day about hauling tables around, the expense of the drinks I was chilling for everypony, and how cleanup would be a nightmare, she’d either let me go or joked along. When my back started to ache, she’d even rubbed it for me—before putting me back to work, of course.

Tall Order just gave his professional maître d’ smile and shook his head. “I’m happy to help, Mr. Deal. Primavera can be… difficult, but she’s no easier on herself than she is any of us. Since you stepped in, she’s no less exacting, but far… easier to endure. She herself doesn’t get that benefit. An evening to relax and be appreciated will do her good.” Tall Order was the rare case of Primavera’s demands working out. To a maître d’, they were less unreasonable, and he seemed to thrive under them. Anypony who could handle Primavera day in and day out and want to help her was a cut above. I just hoped having Primavera in the same room with Day Planner wouldn’t spoil the fun for both.

Tall Order and I carried our chafing dishes to a long serving table off to the side. The bar stools would be removed when we were done; sitting at a bar while I tended apparently wasn’t classy enough. I held still while Tall Order pushed the dish off my back and onto the table. As I did the same for him, I glanced over at my unusually idle choreographer. “Remind me again why I had to move all the tables up onto the stage?”

Pirouette sighed and recited the reason she’d given the last two times I’d asked. “Because you kept calling us a family, especially with Peach Pit, and families don’t all sit at separate tables.”

I pointed at the floor where several rectangular tables had been pushed together into a single, large square. It’d taken a bed sheet to serve as a tablecloth; neither Primavera nor The Tall Tail dealt in tables for more than five or six ponies in a party. “And I had to push all those together because…”

“Honestly…” Pirouette shook her head. “Because a long banquet table means ponies on the far ends can’t talk to each other!”

I smiled. “Aaaaand?”

“Done Deal, so help me!” Pirouette was laughing despite her exasperation, but we were just getting to the important part. “And because if anypony gets to sit at the head of a table with all these mares, it’s you, and if you can’t, then nopony can. Happy now?”

I puffed my chest and acted as if Pirouette’s admission had made my day. I wasn’t that petty, but if the ladies got to have fun on my account, I wasn’t going to do without any of my own. “Very. Come on, Tall Order, let’s go taste the stuff that goes in these trays.

“Oh no you don’t!” Pirouette snatched a towel from the bar and flung it at my head from across the room, draping it squarely across my muzzle somehow.

Utterly poised and serious, Tall Order shook his head. “No, Mr. Deal, towels are worn around the neck, and even then only at lower class establishments. On the muzzle won’t do at all.”

* * * * *

Bruises sat wide-eyed next to Shimmering Scales as Shimmer recounted getting into the Oranges’ party. I had to admit, it was a good story. “So I was stuck in a closet, holding my breath while they counted the wine flutes a third time. Finally, they gave up and left to find more, so I got out of the closet and tried to figure out which way led to the ballroom, when who showed up but the head chef! Before I could think of an excuse, he dropped three big sacks of oats on my back and told me to get them to the prep station and start them soaking, immediately! So I struggled my way over under these heavy sacks—”

“Aw, I would’ve helped you!” Bruises loved stories, but she was not the best listener. Shimmer scarcely managed to get three sentences in before being interrupted, over and over. Fortunately, Shimmer’s excitement in reliving her first real escapade kept her willing to continue.

On the far side of Shimmer from Bruises, Amber blinked in disbelief. “You weren’t there. How were you going to help?”

“Oh. Right.” Slightly dejected, Bruises quieted down.

I passed by, setting plates at each seat and envying Bruises and Shimmer their horns. Some tasks really were just easier when you could use magic. “Don’t feel bad, Bruises. You’re a great bouncer; you’re just not very sneaky.”

Amber cocked her head, evaluating the huge mare. “She might be. At night, if you gave her fluffy slippers. She would be very surprising.”

I wanted to beg Amber not to give Shimmer ideas, but a glance told me it was too late—Shimmer was already looking at Bruises in a new light. A stealthy, nocturnal siege engine. The idea was terrifying.

I sighed and moved on. Nopony else had arrived yet. Shimmer and Amber were early because it was a chance for Shimmer to show off her “scales.” Bruises was just too excited to stay home, even leaving Exposé behind to arrive early. In fact, Bright Jade was still upstairs. The idea that she couldn’t do the setup work I was handling hadn’t sat well with her; I’d ended up distracting her by asking her to make sure all of her camera equipment was perfect for the big night. Pirouette had balked at the idea of Jade doing anything at all, but relented when Jade’s ears drooped at the idea of just sitting all night without being useful. In the end, I’d made her promise to try to sit and relax for at least five minutes between photos.

As I reached the last setting, Day Planner and Deep Tissue stepped in, shopping bags floating in the air beside them. Deep immediately dropped hers and trotted her way around the table and under my chin, planting a pair of quick kisses on my jaw before whispering in my ear, “I could show you a better time if you sneak away.”

I laughed and shook my head. Pirouette would never forgive me, and the more I thought about it, the more I really did like her idea. I made a note to hold a similar night in the near future for the dancers. Pirouette would kill me if I laid a hoof on them, but they were as responsible for my happiness and success as anypony else, at least as a group. “Sorry, Deep. Tonight’s for all of you mares; I don’t get to have a good time.”

Deep’s disappointment turned into a pleased coo as I copped a feel of her flank. “Tomorrow, though, at the parlor…” Deep trotted back to her sister, smiling, and Day rolled her eyes.

“Even tonight, Mr. Deal?” Day’s usual deadpan somehow seemed less accusing. It wasn’t an invitation to goof off, exactly, but it seemed that hosting the girls didn’t count as “work” to her at least. That was a relief. Slightly less of a relief was Amber’s piercing stare as she watched Deep Tissue and Day Planner take seats to themselves. I was vaguely concerned whether or not things would be alright.

Worry vanished pretty quickly though, as Deep waved to Shimmer and Amber. “Thank you both again, so much! You have no idea how worried I was! I thought Done would never forgive me!”

Day Planner nodded calmly. “Yes, thank you. You have no idea what a child she was being at ho—ouch.” I snickered along with Shimmer and Amber as Day was kicked under the table.

Shimmer smiled. “You’re welcome. Everypony got something, and it was fun.”

Amber took off her glasses wiping them on a handkerchief as she chimed in, “Un-got something, too. The bugs quit coming in, now that there’s no gap in the window pane. Thanks.”

I hid a sigh and wondered if the renovations were going to be enough, or if I’d be moving Amber closer to the club too. “We’re still waiting on ponies to get here, but if any of you want a drink, I’d be happy to get that started. Primavera and her staff will be bringing the food a little later.”

Day Planner wrinkled her nose at the mention of Primavera and I didn’t bother hiding the sigh. “C’mon, Day. You don’t have to like her, you don’t have to forgive her, but you made her one of the girls. At least be civil.”

“I suppose even I make mistakes sometimes. Don’t worry, Mr. Deal. I’ll behave. Everypony has been looking forward to tonight; especially Pirouette. I won’t ruin it. I will have a glass of sherry, though.”

Of course she’d pick one of the wines I brought over from Primavera. “Coming up! Anypony else? Remember, on the house tonight. You girls have earned it.”

Amber shook her head. “Somepony else can drink first.” Shimmer and I couldn’t help but snicker, and even Day’s lips turned up a bit at the corners.

“I’ll wait too, Mr. Deal. I’d rather be drinking late than early.” Shimmer turned to continue her story for Bruises, almost getting hit in the muzzle by the big mare’s thick leg as it waved.

Completely oblivious as Shimmer blinked and checked to make her her nose was still on her face, Bruises chimed in, “I want cider, Boss!”

“Good stuff?” I knew what Bruises wanted, but Pirouette never told me I couldn’t have a little fun.

“Yeah!” Bruises nodded eagerly as I headed behind the counter and poured drinks. With drinks poured and on a tray, I headed around the large, makeshift table. Day lifted her drink as I passed, offering a nod of acknowledgement. As I approached Bruises, her mug quickly flew from the tray straight to her lips. You’d have thought she was dying of thirst as quickly as she poured half the cider down her throat—and then gagged.

Laughing, I clapped the big mare on the back as she coughed and sputtered. “Booooss! I said good stuff!”

Deep Tissue hid a grin behind those dainty hooves pressed to her muzzle, I was sure, and I’m sure Shimmer thought it was an amateurish trick, but she looked at least vaguely amused. To be fair, though, she could’ve been amused by Bruises rather than my prank. Bruises quit coughing and I cut the laughter down to a grin. “But that is the good stuff, Bruises! The rest is too weak!”

“Noooo! The stuff that tastes good!” Bruises was starting to look put upon; it was time for the teasing to stop.

“Ohh, I see! You should’ve said so in the first place!”

Amber calmly pointed a wing at Bruises’ glass. “See? I knew it.” I took the mug back and turned to retreat to the counter to get Bruises what she was after, to find Pirouette quietly staring me down. Despite herself, she was obviously trying not to laugh.

“I can’t leave you alone for five minutes, can I, Done?” Pirouette walked around to stand between Bruises and me. “Parapet, you just wait, he’ll get you some soft cider right away.” Without looking, Pirouette kicked backward with one leg, nailing me in the right flank. “Won’t he?”

“Yes ma’am! Right away, ma’am!” I played along. If Pirouette had actually been angry, she’d have kicked a lot harder, as I knew from long experience. As long as she was content to play the wet blanket, I was content to let her—and to play the chastised colt.

I headed back to the counter while Pirouette reminded Bruises that I wouldn’t have played a trick if I didn’t like her. It was completely true. As everypony said, Bruises was like a little sister to me, and as much as I’d loved my sister when we were foals, I’d always been completely rotten to her. Bruises was no different: she got both the fondness and the teasing. I poured a fresh drink and pondered just how Bruises—Parapet—would’ve turned out if she’d had a big brother like me teasing and looking after her in equal parts. Would she have been the mean thing I found in that Manehattan slum?

Asking Bruises about her family had to wait; as I was rounding the end of the bar again, Primavera came through the door between her restaurant and The Tall Tail—and the conversations at the table died. Primavera’s ears drooped and she stood for a moment, unsure whether to take a seat or—from the looks of it—turn and run. I grabbed the tray with Bruises’ soft cider in my mouth and trotted back to the table, heading around the side toward Primavera, pushed a chair back with a hoof, and gestured. With the tray in my mouth, it was about all I could do. Primavera nervously took the seat, and I continued toward Bruises. She was more cautious the second time, floating her drink to her nose and sniffing it suspiciously. I left Bruises to decide how she’d handle it, and turned back to Primavera.

“Thanks for coming, Primavera. I know you weren’t sure about this, and I know we’re still getting to know you, but you are part of this group now. I mean that.” My eyes were locked on Day and Deep as I said the last. Both sighed, but nodded too, and a little tension went out of Primavera, to my relief. I patted her withers and spoke to her instead of the group. “There’s work still to do, but you’ve been working hard for me. That matters. Tonight’s for you just as much as anypony else.

Primavera nodded her head and gave me a slight smile. “I hope everypony enjoys the food tonight. The kitchen staff isn’t used to catering, but they’re doing their very best.”

“The cream puffs are especially good.”

Heads turned to face Amber, and Shimmer’s brow furrowed a bit in confusion. “Wait, when did—you said you were going to help clean up for a few minutes!”

Amber nodded soberly. “I cleaned up seven or eight of them.”

Shimmer facehoofed as Pirouette and I tried not to laugh. I almost managed until I saw how distraught Primavera looked over a few cream puffs, but the horror in her expression was too much. Still standing next to her, I patted her withers soothingly. “Easy, Primavera. Knowing you, you had them make twice as many as we’d need, just in case. Right?” There was no way I wasn’t right. Primavera nodded. “See? Everything’s fine. Relax. Want a drink?”

Primavera took a deep breath and managed a smile. I doubted it was a real one, but not going to pieces over a problem in her kitchen was progress. “A bit later, Done, thanks. After I’m sure the food is all perfect.”

I shook my head. “Denied. You’re here to enjoy the evening, not make dinner. Your staff will do just fine.”

“But—”

Pirouette backed me up, smiling at Primavera across the table. “No buts. Done’s job tonight is to throw us all a nice little party. For you, too.

Primavera fidgeted, but nodded, and the nervous smile was back. Nervous, but not fake. I’d take it.

That was the first of the evening’s scares out of the way. Day and Deep were talking with each other on the far end of the table from Primavera, behaving themselves if not being overly friendly. I couldn’t blame them. With the history there, I was lucky they all showed up. Still, I was hoping somepony would talk with Primavera besides me. She really was trying.

While I was worrying over whether or not Primavera would ever fit in, Jade and Strawberry Frosting appeared on the stairs, the former with her camera bag in her mouth, and the latter with a large cake balanced precariously on her back. Shimmer waved and called for Jade to join her and Amber. Jade trotted over, leaving Strawberry to pick a seat alone. I gestured toward the still empty side of the table, closest to the bar, and Strawberry took a seat as I got the cake off of her back and onto the table. Primavera eyed it as suspiciously as Bruises did hungrily.

As I set the cake on the table I asked, “Did you bake this, Strawberry?”

Strawberry Frosting nodded proudly, and I couldn’t blame her. The cake was as professional any I’d ever seen, with frosting evenly applied and delicately piped on around artfully sliced strawberries. Primavera was probably worried about being upstaged. Strawberry gestured at her work. “I haven’t really done any baking since I moved in here, but I missed it so much! There just wasn’t time; from scratch isn’t easy.”

The cake was making my mouth water just looking at it. “It looks great, Strawberry. We’ll save that for last; I want to make sure everypony gets a piece.”

Primavera turned to Strawberry and grudgingly admitted, “The icing is exceptional, miss.”

Strawberry Frosting beamed, and I couldn’t blame her—praise from a chef like Primavera meant a lot. “Thank you! I was a pastry chef before I became Done’s maid.”

Thank Celestia. “Hey, Strawberry, why don’t you two talk shop? Primavera doesn’t know most of the girls very well.” I walked away smiling as Strawberry moved to sit with the worried Primavera. The poor thing was almost cute. Tough as nails in her kitchen, probably a bear anywhere else, too, but still so concerned about not losing her restaurant that dealing with any of my girls terrified her. My smile died in a heartbeat as that sank in. I decided to talk to Pirouette about that; she seemed to be over the hard feelings, and wasn’t there when we scared Primavera half to death.

It was hardly a surprise that Exposé hadn’t shown up yet; Bruises had had to whine to get her to agree in the first place. Stubborn mare. I was more disappointed not to see Peach Pit. Given how pushed around she was with the Trotties, and given what had happened with Whittle’s goon just days before, if she didn’t show, I’d have to worry that she’d gotten in trouble. Normal city sounds outside gave way to shouting, but before I got to the door to chase away whoever it was, flashes of white and orange wing through the glass door gave away the latecomers. I broke into a run, muttering under my breath as I rushed for the doors and gave them a rough shove, knocking the scrapping pegasi to the ground. I sat with my front legs folded in the open door and glared down at Exposé and Peach Pit where they lay on the sidewalk, blinking.

“Really, you two? I invite you to a party, and you show up fighting?” It was their night, and I didn’t mean to lecture too much, but for Celestia’s sake!

In unison, both pegasi yelled, “She called me a foal!” I’m not sure any hoof has ever struck a face as hard as mine did then. Mares and stallions on both sides of the street had stopped to watch the fight, and I could feel the warmth as I blushed at the undesired attention.

“Get in here, you two; ponies are staring!” Peach had the decency to look chastised for a moment at least, but both of them walked past me glaring at the other, wings fluffed up. Exposé spotted Bruises and took to the air immediately, landing next to her giant fillyfriend and glaring back at Peach. Deep Tissue wasn’t glaring, but her eyes were certainly on the newcomer, and the only mare there with a mane longer than hers. Peach stayed at my side as I walked back toward the table. She kept following past it, and I looked down at her. “Something wrong?”

Peach smoothed out her sun dress with a wing, looking a bit uncomfortable, something I’d never seen from her before. “Well… I don’t really know anypony, except Pirouette and Br—er, Parapet.” Of course. I pulled a chair out for Peach on the side of the table Strawberry had emptied, and she sat alone.

“Come on, everypony. Musical chairs. Except no music. Shimmer’s side is stuffed, this side is empty, and Peach should get to know more of you.” Pirouette smiled at Peach and trotted over to sit next to her. I snickered. “Not a bad pairing. Colors sorta match, and it’s got this spring and autumn thi—oof!”

Pirouette’s smile was dangerous—not that the hoof that’d whacked me upside the head wasn’t. “Done Deal, you’re supposed to behave tonight, remember?”

As I rubbed my head, Peach giggled. “Autumn? You don’t look older than anypony else here.”

Pirouette sighed. “Now see what you’ve started, Done? That’s… Done’s little gift to me, sweetie. Like Parapet’s muscles.” Exposé frowned.

Peach Pit caught on. “Oh! Or like my… uh, my mane.”

I bit my tongue, but Pirouette caught my expression and raised an eyebrow. I was glad Shimmer didn’t give her time to ask.

“Or my coat!” Shimmer stood proudly, showing off the sparkling snakeskin pattern on her body. Peach’s eyes got wide, and mine darted to the window, but I relaxed when I saw the blind in place. Shimmer sighed contentedly as she sat back down. “I don’t get to show these off as often as a mane.”

Exposé crossed her front legs and frowned. “It’s not like he cares more about the ponies he changes, you know.” So that was it.

“Come on, everypony, spread out. Pirouette made me set up tables so everypony could see everypony else. Like Exposé said, no favorites.”

Peach murmured, “Yet…” It was meant only for me, but Deep caught it and both eyebrows shot up.

“Peach, was it? Don’t get too cocky. You’re not the only mare with wings, and you’re hardly more than a girl.”

I groaned and walked back to where Peach sat, meaning to calm her down, but she didn’t waste any time on her retort. “If I am, that means I’ll be just right when you’re too old!” Deep’s eyes bulged.

Considering Pirouette’s actual age, I didn’t think she’d object when I lifted a hoof and brought it down on Peach’s head. Peach yelped, startled more than hurt, and raised a hoof to her head. Deep Tissue smirked, and opened her mouth to make things worse, but behind her, Day was mirroring me, and as the first sound escaped Deep’s lips, it was cut off with a dull thunk. Day hadn’t been as nice as I had.

Deep spun to stare at her sister, shocked. “Ow! Day, whose side are you on, anyway?”

Amber piped up from across the table. “Probably Done’s.”

I couldn’t help but snicker, and even Shimmer and Pirouette grinned. Deep’s cheeks turned pink and she quieted down.

“Also, that suit you made me buy.” Day Planner was as calm as ever. “That’s another reason.”

Deep covered Day’s muzzle with both hooves and hissed a “Shhhh!” When she realized that everypony but Strawberry was trying not to giggle, her pink cheeks went red, and she hung her head, letting her mane hide her face.

Finally, ponies moved, evening out the mares around each side of the table. I took a spot at the bar and raised my voice while Jade worked to set up her camera behind Shimmer. “Alright! Everypony is present and accounted for! Before we go any farther, I want to offer a toast to all of you! But Day’s the only one with a drink!” Bruises turned her empty mug upside down and shook it, proving my point. “Everything is on me tonight, but Primavera generously had her kitchen staff cater, and they’ll be by in about half an hour with all sorts of delicious stuff. So! Who wants what?”

I pointed at each mare in turn, honestly rushing their drinks. I wanted something in everypony’s hoof to grease the wheels and get the night going. My best work could come later. A margarita for Deep, A gin and tonic for Pirouette, and Primavera had a daisy cutter, making me wonder if she was trying a little too hard to loosen up. Shimmer called for an amaretto sour, Amber a soft cider, and Exposé an applejack on the rocks. Day claimed a second sherry, more cider for Bruises, and Peach and Jade took some of the ginger ale I usually used for mixing. Peach’s relief at not being alone on the soft stuff was plain, even if she and Exposé did trade sneers. With each drink in a mare’s hoof, I headed back to the bar and lifted a cider of my own.

“I’m glad everypony came tonight. You’ve all been a huge help to me, some directly, others indirectly, but even if I’m not always great at showing it, you ladies are profoundly important to me, professionally and even more, personally. I’m proud to know all of you, and I’m happy for the opportunity to throw you this party, just to celebrate you. I look forward to the next one. You all keep it up, and I’ll make these nights a regular thing. It’s a done deal. To each and every one of you.” Jade’s camera snapped. There had been a little cheering and applause as I mentioned things important to each of the mares at the table, but when I lifted my cider to them, the “hear, hear!” was in almost perfect unison—but for Pirouette, who couldn’t quit laughing.

“A ‘done deal?’ Oh, Celestia, Done, I thought you’d retired that kitsch five years ago!” Pirouette was laying it on thick, struggling to keep upright, and her laughter was contagious. My poor toast ended in gales of laughter, while I tried to shrink behind the bar.

“Oh… shut up, Pirouette!” I wasn’t angry, but seeing every mare at the table at least snickering at me was embarrassing!

I was saved, at last, by Strawberry Frosting politely clearing her throat to try to get attention. “Excuse me… you girls said Done ‘gave’ you things.” Strawberry looked from Pirouette to Peach to Bruises as my relief vanished. “Youth, mane, muscles. What did you mean by that?”

Ponyfeathers. The room went silent as it sank in for everypony else that Strawberry alone was not in the know. It hadn’t even occurred to me, and not bringing her into things was something I had taken a bit of pride in. There was no helping it though. “Here, Strawberry. I’ll show you.” I gestured for Strawberry to come to me, and the pink pony hopped up and joined me at the bar. With my hoof right in front of her muzzle, I said, “Watch close,” and quickly formed smoke and slid it into Strawberry Frosting’s nostrils. The reaction in the room was mixed. Day and Deep and Jade didn’t care. Bruises and Peach Pit looked excited. So did Shimmer, but differently. Primavera was apprehensive, as was Exposé, but Pirouette looked resigned. It couldn’t be helped.

While Strawberry stood dumbly in front of me, ears dropped and eyes glassy, sniffing in smoke without hesitation, I stroked her mane. “I can do things to ponies, Strawberry. Change them. You’re not afraid of it, because you’ve been so happy here that you know you can trust me. In fact, you’re a little happy to know, now—it means you’re part of this big family like everypony else.” I couldn’t let Strawberry just wonder, and I couldn’t let her know without making sure she’d handle it well, but I didn’t have to leave the poor thing scared.

A trace of worry carried in Strawberry’s voice, despite being under. “Not… scared?”

I turned up the smoke a little and replied. “No. No reason to be; it’s me. It’s helping me make the city better. But ponies who don’t know me would be scared, and it’d ruin everything, so don’t tell anypony.”

I let the smoke go, and Strawberry gave me a hug. “Thank you for trusting me, sir!” So much for not bringing everypony in on the secret, crisis averted.

“Congratulations!” Bruises actually cheered out loud. Strawberry politely bowed, but scurried back to her seat, blushing, as she realized she’d become the center of attention. It took a moment, but the girls started trying the drinks that had gone untasted when Pirouette cracked up.

Deep was the first to try her drink. “This is great, Done! What’s a girl have to do to get drinks like this more often?” She swirled the drink around in her glass, looking at it from below, as if it would reveal some kind of secret.

Day smiled just a bit. “Nothing you haven’t done already, I’m sure.” As ponies around the table laughed, Deep gave her sister a playful shove.

Pirouette looked up from her gin and tonic, nodding in agreement. “You really haven’t lost it, Done.” I admit it; my chest puffed up a little.

“I had to work the bar here for five years before I could afford to hire anypony but entertainers. You don’t forget how to pour a drink that quickly.”

I took a seat on a stool I’d dragged around behind the bar, and settled in to let the girls enjoy themselves. It was their night, not mine. I was just there to give it to them. I folded my front legs on the bar and just waited to see who’d need their next drink first. My bits were on Exposé, since she seemed to be out to prove something. Not one second after I’d gotten comfortable though—and I’m sure that was no accident—Pirouette shook her head and raised her glass. “Oh no, you don’t get to sit that easily. Come back out here!”

I rolled my eyes as I got off my stool again, but I wasn’t about to turn down a toast from a lovely mare, and as much as she hassled me, Pirouette wouldn’t be on stage if she didn’t catch eyes. When I got to her side, Pirouette ruffled my mane as if I were a foal, then went around the table with her ‘toast.’ “Done may not be the cleverest pony, or the strongest—”

“—or the hardest working.”
“—or the best looking!”
“—or the most successful!”
“—huh?”
“—or the smartest!”
“—or the most chaste.”
Jade just blinked, Strawberry seemed not to be able to come up with anything, and Primavera shook her head, visibly pale. Peach Pit alone protested, “Aww, you guys are so mean to Mr. Deal!”

As the mares who knew me better laughed, I patted Peach on the head. “At least somepony likes me!”

“I like you, Boss!” Silly, sincere Bruises. The poor mare looked confused as the rest of the table laughed again.

I was enjoying myself more than I’d expected to. A table of laughing mares. Sit me at the table with a couple of pizzas instead of expensive booze, and it could’ve been the first night Pirouette choreographed a show. It was the best welcome we could afford for the mare I was sure would launch us from pretender to the real thing, and I’d felt awful about such a lousy party, but none of the girls had cared. They were too busy having fun. Pirouette had had to force me to the table; I was too busy trying to make the party better.

It wasn’t like me to get so contemplative. A gentle whack on the head jerked me back from Memory Lane, and Pirouette grinned up at my from her seat, pointing past me to the door to the restaurant. “You just gonna stand there and let us starve, Done? And here I thought you took care of your girls!”

With a short laugh and a nod, I trotted to get the door. “Gotta keep you girls fed. No pony likes a scrawny mare.”

“There are mares you don’t like?” I’d expected a retort from Pirouette. That’s not where it came from. As I pulled open the door to let the first cart come in, I looked back to see Amber looking at me innocently, while Shimmer and Pirouette smirked, and Day hid her muzzle.

I couldn’t resist a jab at Day. “Still too upset about the comic book thing to smile at Amber’s jokes, Day?”

It was Shimmer’s turn to try to look innocent as Amber “comforted” Day. “Don’t feel bad. Lots of ponies read deviant comics. Especially Shimmer.”

As Day buried her face behind a hoof in frustration at Amber’s… inexorable… remarks, carts of delicious smelling food rolled past me and to the chafing dishes. I couldn’t help wondering if behaving would get me a taste.

* * * * *

I’d been allowed a bit of the buffet after all. Day, of all ponies, had argued on my behalf and won over Pirouette—with the logic that I couldn’t keep working if I were too hungry. Somehow, that didn’t extend into drinks. I sat at the table, quietly tolerating the indignity of having been declared the prize in an impromptu tournament of Dodge Hold ‘em. Pirouette and firmly insisted that nopony be left out, even if they didn’t know how to play, so I was also stuck getting up and advising Jade, Strawberry, and Primavera as they all vied for the honor of taking me home for the night.

The dubious honor, Day had corrected, but she was playing as seriously as anypony else. Exposé had been shooting looks at Peach all night and hadn’t slowed down on the alcohol at all. To everypony’s relief, though, the tiny mare was less aggressive when staying upright took most of her attention. Seeing her wings sprawled loosely behind her was distracting me, but everypony else was as focused on the game as their state of inebriation allowed. Blinds and antes were made, and I dealt out the final hand of the night watching as mares made, or tried not to make, faces. I tossed the burn and dealt the flop.

“Bets, ladies?” Mares pushed chips forward, some confidently, others cautiously.

“Mmm… a whole night with Done. I can taste it already.” Deep was smiling ear to ear as she looked at the pair of cards she held and compared them to the flop.

Amber cocked her head as she addressed Deep. “I tasted it once. I guess it wasn’t too bad.” Shimmer pressed a hoof against her forehead and groaned while Primavera choked and sputtered on her drink, too shocked to swallow properly.

Strawberry Frosting patted Primavera’s back, and Shimmer lay her cards face down. “No peeking. And no doing anything until I get back!”

Exposé frowned and pointed a wing at Shimmer drunkenly. “An’ zhus’ whuddya think yer doin’? Are ya sheeting?”

“I’m getting Primavera a new drink, Exposé, that’s all.” Shimmer turned to trot toward the bar.

“Hey, Shimmer, I’ve got it. Relax; you girls are supposed to take it easy tonight.” By all rights, I was supposed to be handling everypony’s drinks. I didn’t mind Shimmer taking care of it just once, but Pirouette was in third place—close enough that I suspected things were already decided, and didn’t want to pay the price later if she felt like I was slacking off.

Pirouette shook her head, though. “Nope. Go ahead, Shimmer. Done’s dealing; he can’t leave the table right now.” Shimmer nodded and headed away.

Bruises carefully floated her pair of cards to me, face to face, so nopony else could see what she had, opening them for me to see. “Are these good boss?”

I sighed and shook my head. Regardless of whether it was or not, answering would give her hand away. It didn’t matter anymore, though; she and Exposé were doomed, and just not bright enough—or sober enough—to know it. “Sorry, Bruises.”

“Aww.” Pirouette reached across the table and patted Bruises’ hoof. Nopony liked seeing Bruises unhappy.

“Back!” Shimmer trotted back to the table, and set Primavera’s glass in front of her before continuing to her seat.

Primavera took a sip and nodded. “Thank you, Shimmer.”

Exposé’s eyes had fallen on the cake after tracking Shimmer to the bar, and hadn’t left it since. I’d been keeping an eye on her, myself: as drunk as she was, I didn’t trust a fixation, but she hadn’t been making real trouble, either. In fact, if anything, she’d been calmer. Then, of course, the other horseshoe dropped. Haphazardly, Exposé flapped up into the air, and turned toward Strawberry’s cake. “Zhus’ a li’l won’ hurt, right?”

Bruises frowned, and Exposé flapped in place with her tail suddenly glowing dark blue. “Exposé! Strawberry said that’s for later!”

Exposé ignored Bruises and began flapping much harder—I dropped a leg on top of the cards on the table to keep them from blowing away, and anypony close by made sure to hold onto their own, but nopony was actually complaining. We were all far too busy laughing at the tiny, ridiculous pegasus to think twice about the barest hint of a glow from Shimmer’s horn. I figured she was messing with Exposé somehow, and let it go.

After a few seconds of trying even harder, just to prove us wrong, Exposé managed to swat Primavera’s glass with a wing, sending it teetering precariously. Amber’s wing shot out, narrowly managing to balance the glass before it toppled, sparing Primavera an early shower, and Bruises yanked Exposé back, safely away from Primavera’s side of the table and back to her seat.

Primavera heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Amber. I hate it when my fur is wet. I’ll… overlook the cream puffs.”

Amber only replied, “Go fish.”

I was baffled. She’d seemed to know what she was doing, but ‘go fish?’ In a poker game? Everypony else looked as confused as I did. I corrected Amber, despite being certain I’d regret it. “No, Amber this isn’t go fish…”

Amber pointed at the drink she’d kept from spilling just a moment before. “No. ‘Go, fish.’”

We all looked at the glass that was very nearly to Primavera’s lips, and she crossed her eyes to do the same. Swimming unhappily within was a goldfish. Gasps and giggles sprung up around the table, except from the mare holding the cup. Primavera screamed, tossed the cup onto the table, and reeled backwards, sending her chair to the floor while she stood on one hind leg and pinwheeled her front legs frantically, struggling to maintain balance—and in the end, she succeeded! Applause broke out around the table, along with laughter as Primavera dropped herself back to all fours and Shimmer magically righted her chair for her. Primavera reclaimed her seat, blushing and glaring at Amber, but bit her tongue.

As if it were the most normal thing in the world, Amber produced a bottle from her wing and herded the fish inside, with no more explanation than “Back in there.”

One last burst of giggles as Bruises admonished Exposé to behave herself, and Peach Pit, nose in the air at a chance to rub something in Exposé’s face, trotted over to sit by the cake. With a determined smile at her apparent nemesis, Peach settled in. “Don’t worry; I won’t let her get it!

I shook my head at all the silly mares I seemed to have collected. ”Bets.”

With the flop down, bets started in earnest. Day, in particular, nearly doubled her previous bet.

When her turn to bet came around, Shimmer spoke up. “A night of drinking and games reminded me a bit of some parties in art school. Kinda wish I’d thought of the fish myself!”

Amber pushed a few chips forward. “At least I remembered to use a bigger fish this time. Not neons.”

Shimmer’s eyes popped wide open. “That was you? I was vomiting for hours!”

Amber puffed her wings a bit. “You kept stealing my drink. I didn’t think you’d steal it if I filled it with fish!”

Ponies either groaned or laughed, depending on the strength of their stomachs. I was having a pretty hard time with the idea of swallowing fish, myself.

Shimmer sighed. “That was the last time I ever let myself have anything stronger than a mojito. Speaking of… After the game, Done? That amaretto was great.”

I smiled, glad to see conversation returning to something less horrifying. “Sure thing, Shimmer.” I burned another card, and placed the turn on the table. “Bets. And I feel like I should point out there’s only one of me, but I’ll let you girls cash out the chips for… I don’t know. But bet properly; I’ll think of something to do with those chips.” I already knew what, really. None of the girls at the table were the kind to make unreasonable demands. If they came to me with a hoofful of chips and a favor to ask, they’d get it.

Peach Pit pushed every chip she had forward. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I want this!” Peach reached over and squeezed me. “I’m all in!”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, kiddo. I don’t know about your pocket, but I know what’s in mine, and I’ll be rubbing more than Done’s back tonight.” Deep Tissue. Always enticing, sometimes clever… never terribly subtle.

Exposé smirked at Peach Pit. “’sides—doesn’e us’aly get to tell you, ‘I’m all in?’

Peach’s eyes popped wide open, and so did her wings. “Why don’t you—”

That was as far as she got before she realized her wing had hit something. Peach’s head whipped around in time to see Strawberry’s cake toppling from its place on the table. Jade’s camera snapped just in time to catch the cake before it crashed to the floor, scattering icing and sliced strawberries all around.

Both of Peach Pit’s wings covered her mouth. “…oh, no…” As the rest of us winced, Strawberry pawed sadly at what was left of her cake. “I’m so sorry! I don’t even know what to say!”

Peach reached out to touch Strawberry’s withers apologetically, only to have them yanked away. Primavera had pulled Strawberry toward the door suddenly, then turned back to speak. “I can fix this! I—we can fix this! We’re out anyway, right Strawberry?

Bewildered, Strawberry managed a “What?” before Primavera nodded at her and turned back to us.

“Everypony, just… do what you’re doing! I’m borrowing her!”

Before anypony could object, Primavera and Strawberry were through the door and gone.

We stared in silence a few seconds before I shrugged. “Try not to feel bad, Peach. It was an accident, and… well, at least Primavera was finally lively. I guess?” I really had no idea what to make of what had happened, so I pressed on with the game.

Four cards face up, and several mares now had more in their bet than out of it. Pirouette caught me smiling at the piles of chips around the table and leaned back, crossing her front legs and grinning at me. I cleared my throat and put on a poker face of my own. I was not happy to see so many mares bidding on me. Really. I burned one more card and placed the river on the table theatrically, keeping it covered with a hoof.

“Who’s going to win the grand prize tonight, ladies? The grand, amazi—ow!” I pulled my hoof away to reveal the card as Pirouette pulled her own away from my ribs. “The humble, thoroughly remorseful prize.” Shimmer and Pirouette cracked up, and the laughter was infectious. “Last round of bets, ladies.

I went around the table. “Straight, three of a kind… pair. Really, Exposé?”

Exposé waved a wing at me drunkenly while leaning on Bruises to stay upright in her chair. “You… shuddup.”

I looked down to hide my smile and kept going. “Two pair, one pair, straight, three of a kind, fold, fold, flush. Yep, I’m doomed.”

Pirouette smiled viciously as she tapped her pocket cards. With those, she had a full house. As she claimed the pot, it was clear nopony else even came close. Groans from the rest of the mares began, and Peach in particular looked disappointed. Exposé flapped unsteadily above the table, squinting to try to read cards, and blowing them around instead. Pirouette leaned back with a grin on her muzzle. “Don’t worry, ladies. I’ll be sure to teach him some better manners for next time. But in the future, if a lady brings the deck to the party… think twice.”

Embarrassed protests sprang up as the ladies realized they’d been had. I couldn’t blame them, but Pirouette played fairly. She always did. She just almost always won. “Be glad, girls. Last time I played poker with Pirouette, she took a dancer’s wedding gown to keep her from marrying a jerk the next day—and every bit I had on me in the process. You got off lucky, not playing for money.”

Peach looked appalled. “You really took somepony’s wedding dress?” Those gorgeous wings of hers were half fluffed; something about that had really got her going.

The last thing I needed was Peach and Pirouette getting into it, though I suspected Pirouette had more sense. “Imagine you had a filly who was planning to marry Born Leader, Peach. This guy wasn’t that bad, but he’d have ruined her.”

Peach backed down. “But… well… she must’ve been so heartbroken.”

Exposé scoffed. “Whadda—hic—filly!”

Peach glared back, but kept quiet. I gave Shimmer a meaningful glance at the ruined cake and then at Exposé. Shimmer’s horn was barely noticeably glowing as a dollop of icing floated into the air behind all the mares on that side of the table. Everypony who could see pretended not to notice.

Pirouette ignored Exposé’s outburst. “She was. So was I, but she had far too much potential to go and ruin it with that fool. She’d have been better off sleeping with this one.” Pirouette pointed at me. “He’s a lot of things, but uncaring is not on the list. The pony she was going to marry has been in jail for the last two years.”

Exposé opened her mouth to suddenly find icing smeared all over the top of her muzzle. Suddenly confused and busy trying to stretch her tongue, she let Peach speak in peace.

Peach sighed. “I like romantic stories better.”

With the competition out of the way, Deep was a little less combative, though she was propping her chin on her hooves unhappily. “These days, so do I. Done has that effect on mares.”

Day Planner scoffed. “Speak for yourself.”

Again, Exposé tried to speak, but this time icing ran clear up between her slightly unfocused eyes, leaving a trail the whole way. Futilely, she tossed her head, trying to catch the ghost tormenting her.

Deep didn’t even turn around. “Yes, yes, you just want a good bucking once in a while.”

I shook my head, grinning. “Sisterly love at its finest.” Deep and Day smiled. I envied them; my family had never been so close.

Shimmer scooped more icing up in a magical glow, and waited for Exposé to open her mouth again. When she did, the icing dabbed one ear, and as Exposé snapped her head around, snarling, quickly tagged the other.

“Rrrrrraaaaaaaaagh!” In a fit, the drunken newspony flapped a foot or two above her seat, thrashed wildly trying to snag the sugar that mocked her—and slammed onto to her chair on her back, grumbling profanities as she righted herself—only to be gripped in the glow of Bruises’ magic while the big mare used water from Primavera’s abandoned fish cup to wash icing off of her fillyfriend. No amount of wild flapping of her wings got Exposé loose until Bruises was satisfied she’d gotten every bit of the sugary mess.

Shimmer shook with laughter, but kept her mouth shut as everypony else bit their lips. I managed, with effort, to ignore the slapstick routine. “You girls talk amongst yourselves a bit. Shimmer asked for a mojito during the game, and I can do that, but it gave me another idea. I need to run up to my apartment for some stuff I don’t keep at the bar.”

I rose and turned to leave, but was interrupted by Pirouette. “Oh, no. I won you for the night; you’re not running away.” She was obviously teasing, but she was also ruining my idea. I leaned forward and whispered in her ear, and the smile on her muzzle shifted from mischievous to pleased.

“Well… alright, then.

“Thank you so much for allowing me to go do something nice for all of you.” If she got to hassle me, I got to hassle her. That’s how years-old friendships work, after all. I slipped past Pirouette and was jostled forward by the second kick in the flank for the night. The girls laughed as I righted myself. They were having fun, and I was a big enough pain in Pirouette’s plot I could put up with a literal pain in mine. “Sorry, ma’am, going now, ma’am!”

Everypony giggled again, and just as I was wondering if it was the alcohol or if they just liked seeing me kicked in the plot, I heard Peach ask, “You can really teach me to handle him that well?” I ran the rest of the way up the stairs, not wanting to hear Pirouette’s answer.

I didn’t bother turning on the lights in my apartment, letting the fridge light be my guide as I grabbed various fruits I didn’t usually use in drinks and tossed them into a bag. I was just about to shut the door when I spotted a lone bottle of cider. I’d been allowed a few bites at the buffet, but Pirouette had glared when I reached to make myself a drink. I grabbed the cider, popped off the bottle cap, and poured the cold drink down my throat. As long as I was quick, nopony would notice.

“Ah-ha!”

I spat cider everywhere and ended up coughing uncontrollably when the voice came from behind. As quickly as I was able while hacking up a lung, I turned around to see who it was, and Peach Pit was flapping in the air, looking horribly worried. She flew behind me and began thumping my back the way Strawberry had tended to Primavera earlier. “Mr. Deal! Are you okay? I’m sorry, Pirouette said to, and I didn’t think I’d startle you that much!”

I recovered my breath and sighed. “Of course she did. Tell you what, Peach. Let me finish this drink, and I’ll pay you back with a kiss.”

Peach flapped back into the air happily, and I tilted the bottle back a second time.

“Ah-ha!”

After Peach, I wasn’t so startled, and quickly chugged what was left of the drink. I didn’t have to turn again; I knew who was behind me. Pirouette.

“Corrupting this poor girl with your trickery! Don’t you feel bad, Peach. I just wanted to give him enough rope to hang himself, and oh, did he ever. Pick up the bag, Done. Back to work!”

I sighed and grabbed the stuff I’d gathered. Considering it was Pirouette, I was getting off easy. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of saying that out loud.

“Oh, I’ve got all night to make you wish you’d behaved, Done Deal. Now march.” Somehow, Pirouette’s tone wasn’t as chilling as I expected. With an extra sigh for good measure, I headed back down the stairs, with Pirouette right on my tail, and Peach Pit flapping along in front. No escape. Pirouette was humming happily as we headed down the stairs, though the tune seemed out of place for her smile. Halfway down the stairs, I recognized it.

“Funeral March, Pirouette? Really?” Speaking around the bag was a pain, especially trying to make sure I could see past it well enough not to miss a step. Pirouette just kept humming.

As I came into view of the mares still at the table, Shimmer, Amber, Day, and all grinned or stifled laughter, while Deep Tissue and Exposé didn’t even try. “He looks just like a prisoner!” Deep could barely breathe, and Exposé was no better.

“Just like he should!” I couldn’t help but smile as Bruises gently bonked Exposé on the head for that one.

Amber solemnly added, “It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

I wasn’t angry with them, but honestly, would it have killed them to give me a break? “I’m going to put hot sauce in all of your drinks.” I got behind the bar and set down the bag as the mares made threats as idle as mine had been. I’d no sooner started getting things out than Jade came trotting over and set to work unloading the bag for me. Pirouette frowned, but I just shrugged. I hadn’t asked for help.

“Jade, hon, come on back to the table! Done’s making drinks for everypony, surprises. We’re all just sitting on our plots tonight while Done takes care of us.” Pirouette gestured back to Jade’s seat, and Jade looked at me unhappily.

“Please? The card game was fun, but I’m tired of not helping. You didn’t get to have any fun. I’ll make the drinks.” Any other night I’d just let Jade do what she wanted, but throwing the girls a party was my way of showing them they were more important to me than just employees. That included Jade, but she didn’t understand. Perhaps she couldn’t.

“Tell you what, Jade. You go have a seat and let me make the drinks. Before everypony leaves for the night, I’ll go in back, and you get to take a picture with all of them for me, and they have to cooperate for you. Deal, Jade, ladies?” The sudden glint in Peach’s eye and the smirk on Shimmer’s muzzle told me they saw through my plan, but were playing along. Most of the mares at the table shrugged and nodded, but Jade didn’t seem mollified. “You work hard for me every day, Jade. And think of it, how often do you get to take a photo for me with this many pretty mares?”

“Never. But I’m not doing anything for you now, and I’m tired of sitting there!” I was surprised. Jade had never pushed back before, but I’d also never asked her to relax for hours, either.

“Pirouette?” There was no way I was going to make this call on my own.

Pirouette relented. “Done makes the drinks, but you can give him what he needs and serve them up, alright, Jade?”

Bright Jade nodded happily, and Pirouette sighed. “No point in torturing you. If that’s how you have fun, I guess it isn’t hurting anypony. And I can make up for you letting him slack off tonight.” With that little addition, the smile returned to Pirouette’s muzzle and I got to work.

“Highball, Jade.” Jade dutifully trotted to the glasses and slid a highball down the bar to me. I grabbed it and put it where I could work on it out of sight.

“Aw, c’mon! I wanna see you make it!” Peach’s objection was cute, but ignored.

“I wanna see him not do something to it.” Amber’s objection was somewhat less cute, but also ignored.

Pirouette knew the plan already after all, and took my side. “Ladies, let him work. He actually had a good idea for once. It’ll be a nice surprise.”

I got back to work muddling mint leaves and sugar while Jade waited for another instruction. From across the bar, conversation picked up again.

“So how’d you win, Pirouette? Sleight of hoof?” Shimmer leaned forward as if she were expecting some big secret, and Exposé raised an eyebrow—apparently she’d sobered up a bit.

Pirouette clucked her tongue at the accusation. “Of course not! I don’t like talking about it, but The Tall Tail wasn’t my first showmare gig. Best by miles, though. I started out in a casino south of Manehattan. We weren’t treated very nicely, and we were expected to deal or work the tables before shows. I had a knack for poker, and plenty of time to develop it, that’s all. Left that awful place when they kept yanking talented girls offstage because they were “uppity.” Uppity meaning “wanted to get paid.” I was their star act, though, couldn’t fire me.” Pirouette sighed. “Until the wrinkles started. Hint of crow’s feet, and even I got a boot out the door.”

Exposé flapped her wings, landing on the table in front of Pirouette with only a slight wobble. “Whish casino? What city? I shmell a story!” I snickered a little at her fully spread wings and shining—if slightly bloodshot—eyes. The mare should’ve been born a timberwolf, the way she latched onto something and chased it. At least she’d finally sobered up a bit.

“I’d rather not have my name in the papers, hon. That was more than twenty years ago. Anypony hears that and sees me now… well, it’s one thing in face to face. In the papers, it’d make trouble for Done.”

“Anonymous sources are great; ponies eat that up! I can get names from mares who got their pink slips more recently, but there’s no way I’m letting this go!” Expose flapped her way back to Bruises’ side and looked up at her. “I guess something good happened tonight anyway!”

Bruises hugged the tiny pony, causing her to flap her wings and try to get loose. “Not in front of everypony, Parapet!”

Day Planner calmly nodded. “Indeed. Stop it, Parapet.” Bruises ears sank a bit and she let Exposé go. Day Planner continued, deadpan but with a sparkle in her eye, “Everypony turn around so Parapet can hug Exposé properly.”

I looked up from what I was doing to see every mare at the table but Bruises and Exposé turn away grinning. Exposé flapped once, but found her wings pinned to her sides magically as she dropped into Bruises’ waiting front legs, where she was cuddled like a doll. The blushing pegasus had just enough time to yell that that was cheating before being squeezed too tightly to complain anymore. Laughing, I slid the finished mojito to Jade.

“That’s Shimmer’s, Jade.” Jade nodded and trotted away with Shimmer’s mojito on a little plate in her mouth.

I turned to the group and apologized. “I’d like to give everypony her drink at the same time, but the ice will melt. So, one by one. Sorry.”

Exposé had finally quit struggling, but was giving Day an awful look. I decided to take care of hers next, so she’d have something else to do. While I waited for Jade to get back, I measured out coffee liqueur.

To my surprise, Amber started the conversation back up again. “Shimmer told me about most of you, and I know Primavera. But why are you other pegasi here? You’ve been nominated for a Ponitzer Award for your work in the paper. You could spend time with more important ponies.” Still in Bruises’ grasp, Exposé managed to look a little prideful anyway. Amber turned to Peach Pit. “And I don’t know anything about you at all.”

Jade got back behind the counter, and I had her get cream and vodka ready while I prepared more crushed ice.

“Yeah, why are you here? Did Done just decide he wanted more feathers around?” Peach Pit fluffed her feathers again, and I flicked a small piece of ice at Exposé from across the room, nailing her right between the eyes.

Bruises leaned down to whisper to Exposé, and grumbled, “Mr. Deal, I mean.”

Peach flapped once, holding her dress down and, landing to stand on her chair. “I’m a Trottie. I’m from the part of the slums he’s trying to fix, and I’m the one who looks out for him when the Trotties are making plans.”

Exposé laughed. “If you’re a Trottie, I’m Princess Celestia! You don’t even have the accent!” Exposé looked at me, struggling not to laugh harder. “You fell for this? How dumb can you—ow!” Flicking an entire cube at her head got her attention.

“I wonder how many great stories you’ve written off with that attitude, Exposé.” I’d expected to have to lecture her myself, but Pirouette seemed to be handling the job. “I personally saw her come in with three Trottie thugs the other day and save Done’s life. With Parapet’s help, of course.”

Exposé’s jaw dropped. “I… um. Can we let bygones be bygones?”

Peach puffed up even more. “Scared now?” I wanted to facehoof, but focused on shaking the alcohol and cream.

Exposé looked at Peach as if she were crazy. “No! But you just went from some kid to a member of the city’s best known gang! You think it’s easy to score interviews with Trotties?”

I sent Jade out with a cold, frothy white gryphon for Exposé, and off she went, crystal mane sparkling as it bounced with her trot, but not spilling a single drop.

Peach Pit frowned. “Now why would I want to help you?”

Before Exposé answered, Jade pushed the drink in front of her, and Amber cocked her head. “That might be good for her. Six hundred calories to get bigger.” I was surprised; it’s not like nopony had ever heard of a white gryphon before, but Amber didn’t seem the type to go clubbing, or to have had the money for it until recently. Somehow she even knew the calories?

Expose peered at Amber. “That’d make me get bigger the wrong direction…” She picked it up anyway, and sniffed it, though. “Huh. Smells good at least. And because, if I get a good story about how things are looking up for the Trotties, and how you ponies are trying to go straight thanks to him, that’s a lot of good PR for Mr. Deal.” Exposé took a sip of her drink and actually smiled at me. “Hey, this is good! Make me another! Anyway, Peach, good PR for Mr. Deal. If you make him happy…”

Peach Pit’s wings popped open. “You’ve got a deal!”

Bruises sniffed at Exposé’s drink. “Can I try one of these, boss?”

I blinked, astonished that she’d ask for anything but more cider. “I… suppose? It doesn’t go with what I was planning, and you won’t like it, though.”

“Pleeeease?” There was no way she’d like it, and it didn’t fit my theme, but…

“Tell you what, Bruises. Exposé got a white gryphon, to match her coat. I’ll make you a black velvet. It’s not really black, but it keeps you in the game with everypony else, okay?” Not to mention that with all the cider in it, she might not hate it.

“…that has champagne.” Amber eyed Bruises’ massive frame, smiling faintly. “I want to see this.”

I ignored Amber’s assumption that Bruises would end up licking everything in sight, but I was surprised—that was two mixed drinks she’d known. “How do you even know this stuff?”

Amber shrugged. “I read. A lot.”

Day looked perplexed. “About drinks?”

“About everything. Not much else to do when I can’t get an interview. And it’s fun.” Amber adjusted her glasses.

Jade returned again, and we got to work on a drink for Amber. I looked at Deep Tissue while I diced a banana and remarked, “You’ve been unusually quiet tonight, Deep.”

Day Planner smiled. “Competition has her terrified into silence, no doubt.”

Deep gave a mock offended gasp. “I am trying to have some manners, Day! And besides, I have no real competition. Five minutes under my hooves, and Done can’t even speak. So I don’t need to.” Deep Tissue brushed her long mane over her withers, smiling beautifully. She was the best looking mare at the table, and she knew it.

Peach Pit’s wings fluffed a little. “You’ve got competition. I bet you’d need another mare to beat me! Five minutes with you and he can’t talk, but five minutes with me and he’s… we’re…” Peach practically glowed red as she realized what she was saying, and trailed off into silence. The table was split between sympathetic embarrassment and losing battles not to fall from chairs laughing. I dropped ingredients into a blender behind the bar—all I could do for Peach now was make noise and hope ponies moved on. With banana, lime, triple sec, rum, and ice in the blender, I turned it on and let it disrupt whatever jokes might’ve been made. I’d been going to save Peach’s for last, as the youngest and newest member of the group. I’d also been going to make it a virgin, but I suspected she’d had plenty of alcohol with the Trotties already—and that suddenly she could use a drink.

Shimmer eyed Peach for a moment before addressing Deep. “Did you mean that, Peach? I’ll bet Done’s next night off that Deep can win!” Part of me objected intensely to being bet without a word of permission. The part of me between my legs told it to shut the buck up.

Peach groaned. “Why did I…” A glance at Deep’s smirk changed Peach’s tune. “Fine. Fine, I’ll bet!

Shimmer stretched her front legs lazily, without a care in the world. “Hey, Deep? Think you’d have fun playing Done’s royal servant? I could cook up a throne room to die for. Play the part right and he’ll be speechless without a hoof on him. And that’s only a mare and a half, at most.

I dropped the first glass I’d broken in seven years, then, and Peach groaned, “My big mouth!”

Deep, though, looked too excited to go for the kill. “We can do that! He won’t know what hit him!” She looked to Day as if she were asking permission, and when Day nodded, she took off to sit with Shimmer.

Exposé caught it too. “What was that about? That look.”

Deep was already whispering with Shimmer and not paying attention to anypony else. Day shrugged. “I’ve never been the popular one with any group. But Deep started out shy. She’s always worn her mane that long, and when she was a filly, she’d hi—”

“Day!” Deep’s ears had perked halfway through, and she spun so quickly her mane fluttered out and landed on Shimmer’s. While Shimmer blinked and made sure the only mane she was wearing was her own, Deep glared at her sister wordlessly.

I guess Day realized she’d said too much. Calmly, she raised a hoof and sighed. “Alright, I’ll wear the suit.”

Obviously startled, Deep Tissue slowly settled back. “Well… alright, then.”

“What’s the story with this suit, Day? That’s twice you’ve mentioned it tonight.”

Day Planner sighed. “Deep has a deep and abiding love of shopping, Mr. Deal. I get dragged along, and occasionally badgered into buying something. Most of it goes unworn. This suit, though, Deep has insisted I wear to work. And that’s all you’re going to hear about it for now.”

Day’s plain style seldom bothered with clothes, and as much as I felt like the right outfit could make her stand out, I’d never found leverage to talk her into it. Silently, I thanked Deep for making it happen. “That’s fine, Day; I’ll look forward to seeing it. And Deep, I want to hear about this shy filly you used to be,” Deep’s head snapped up from whispering with Shimmer while Amber frowned at the pair of them. “But in private. It can be a secret.”

Deep regained her composure and nodded. “Maybe. If you’re extra nice.”

Pirouette laughed. “Now you’re getting it, Day. This one will fall for any bait.” The table rang with a chorus of “I believe it,” and similar, and I resisted the urge to stick out my tongue like a colt.

I rinsed out the blender while Jade trotted Amber’s drink out. Amber eyed it suspiciously, going as far as to poke the icy daiquiri with her hoof, as if expecting it to attack.

Shimmer rubbed at her forehead. “Amber, just try it. It’s a normal color!”

Amber peered at the drink some more. “He could just be trying to get me drunk again.”

Pirouette looked over her withers to raise an eyebrow at me as I facehoofed. “And what then, Amber? Pirouette has me for the night! If I tried to bring a drunk mare into it, she’d—”

Pirouette cleared her throat and spoke very clearly, crisply even. “Done has no idea what I would do if he tried that. But he doesn’t want to know, either.”

I couldn’t argue with that. Apparently Amber couldn’t either, as she took a sip, blinked, and quieted down happily, cradling the hurricane glass between her hooves like a filly with a juice box.

“He doesn’t only want sex, Amber. Sometimes he honestly wants to make us happy.” I was surprised to hear that coming from Day Planner, and turned to thank her.

“Usually so we’ll have sex.” She didn’t need thanking anyway. And did everypony have to laugh at every joke at my expense?

“As if he needs to butter us up.” Deep sighed at me and made dovey eyes.

Jade trotted back, but excused herself to go to the little fillies’ room, so I set to peeling a peach for Peaches’ drink. I hadn’t gotten very far when a scream came from the mares’ room, and Jade came skittering backwards from the restroom, pointing the direction from which she’d come, and looking more bewildered than frightened. Shimmer’s grin was immediate.

I got back to peeling as I asked, “Not even going to try to deny it, Shimmer?”

Shimmer just shook her head, grinning. “No point when everypony knows it’s me. Kind of disappointing, but at least I don’t have to fight to keep a straight face!”

I sighed and poured lime juice over simple syrup and mint, and got to muddling it. “So what was it, Jade? A giant fake turd with a nametag that says ‘Done Deal?’” Exposé and Deep laughed while Bruises wrinkled her nose and Pirouette and Day rolled their eyes.

“No sir! It was a giant spider! And… it was reading a comic book.” Jade looked very confused, and trotted over to grab her camera by the tripod. “Ah’ll ‘e ‘ight ‘ack!”

If it was interesting enough that Jade thought a picture of it was more useful to me than helping behind the bar, it must’ve been something indeed. I added the rum and club soda to Peach’s drink, stirring it a bit before pureeing the peach and straining some of that in as well. All of it poured into a highball glass with crushed ice, and out to Peach. “Here you go. Virgin peach mojito.”

Peach took a sip, and her eyes popped wide open. To my relief, she had the sense to play along. “Wow! This is really good for a virgin!”

Deep, Day, and Amber all looked at each other, then at me, and said, “Nah.”

Acting overly grateful, I took a bow. “Thank you so much, ladies, for so very graciously sparing me yet another jab. My gratitude is eternal.” I was really hamming it up, but I was getting tired of the constant jokes.

“I’ve understudied for worse.” Amber’s usual deadpan gave nothing away as she returned to sipping her drink.

Shimmer snickered. “That awful production of King Deer you were telling me about?”

Amber nodded, and I went back to the bar. Shimmer, Exposé, Amber, Peach Pit… I started on Bruises’ black velvet, opening the cabinet of expensive stuff for the champagne. I moved quickly. Half cider and half champagne? Not a drink that requires much thought. When Jade came back with a giant, fake spider in her mouth, rigged as if it were reading, it took all my willpower not to laugh and drop the saucer with Bruises’ drink. The thing had clearly been posed to be reading on the toilet, and held in two of its legs was a copy of Career Killer Secretaries—just the same as Shimmer had given Day.

I couldn’t resist. As soon as the saucer was in front of Bruises, while the other mares were laughing, I arranged for extra work the next morning. “Another relative of yours, Day?” I could hear the smack of Day’s facehoof from across the table, as Amber quipped that deviation like that runs in families.

“Shimmer, I am going to get you for this. Just wait.” Day’s voice was flat, unemotional. It would’ve been better for Shimmer if it had been personal, because if Day made it business… god have mercy on Shimmer’s soul. Pranks weren’t Day’s thing, but thorough, unstoppable success? That was.

Shimmer’s eyes absolutely lit up—it was a game to her! Slightly afraid, I headed back to the bar as Jade tossed the spider onto a stool and ran back to get her camera.

“Let’s see… Day and Deep, next. I’ve already done black russian for your mane, and white for your coat, Day…”

Without giving me time to think Day just waved a hoof. “Just a rum and cola, sir. It’ll fit your theme, and get a drink in me before I have to hurt somepony.” Day cast a meaningful glance at the fake spider.

“That feels like cheating, Day, but alright. I’ll make you a nice cocktail after work tomorrow.” Day nodded graciously, and I quickly poured the simple drink and turned Jade around to deliver it as she got back. Deep Tissue, however, wasn’t a mare to settle. I prepared a plate of course sugar, took down a martini glass, grabbed a bit of lime left over from earlier drinks, and swiped the rim.

“I like where this is going already.” Deep couldn’t see me working behind the bar, but there’s no question she saw the martini glass.

Jade trotted back again, and I sent her for bright blue liqueur while I poured cranberry cocktail, lime juice, and citron vodka into a shaker. When Jade set the liqueur on the counter, I added it to the mix and started shaking.

“Parapet, hon, aren’t you going to try your drink?” Pirouette had noticed the big mare toying with her glass, but not one drop was missing.

“Well…” the big mare was stalling, probably trying not to hurt my feelings. “I thought I wanted it… but it smells funny.”

Exposé lowered her head to the table and covered it with her wings. “Parapeeeet! You did this at the bar a couple of weeks ago, too. You remember how much you liked that when you tried it?”

Bruises’ ears laid back at being chastised. “That was red. This isn’t the same.”

Exposé sighed exaggeratedly and flapped her way up to Bruises’ ear to whisper. Bruises eyes bulged, and she hurriedly poured back her black velvet, making an awful face as soon as it hit her tongue. I had been worth a try, but I was hardly surprised. Deep stifled a laugh while Pirouette reached across the table to pat Bruises’ hoof reassuringly, and Amber slumped, probably disappointed Bruises wasn’t licking everything in sight.

“It’s okay, hon. You figure out what that red drink was that you liked, and we’ll have Done mix you up a big one.” I smiled as I poured Deep’s cocktail into its glass. If there was one thing about Pirouette that I really loved, it was her concern for everypony. I just wish I got a little more concern, and a little less being nagged to fix concerns.

“Jade, cider for Bruises, please. A nice big one, to get the taste out.” Jade nodded and grabbed an extra large stein I’d bought just for Bruises after hours. Three bottles of cider disappeared into that thing, but as big as Bruises was, that was what it took. Jade didn’t even get to leave the bar; as soon as the last bottle disappeared, the stein was floating across the room. With no cider to shuttle, Jade picked up Deep’s cocktail and marched it out to her.

Deep smiled as she accepted her drink. “Thanks, Jade. If there’s any mare I can trust alone with Done, it’s you. And probably Pirouette; she’d just make him do chores or something.” I sighed. Pirouette was a lovely mare even in her fifties, before the smoke had wound back the clock, but now she would be nearly as gorgeous as Deep if she weren’t so severe—but Deep was right; what Pirouette wanted out of me was work. Deep locked her eyes on me and stuck her tongue out, lasciviously licking the sugar from a portion of the martini glass’ rim. It was meant for me, but all eyes were on Deep’s performance. I couldn’t help but be turned on, right up until a colossal belch came from the other side of the table, utterly ruining the effect and making Deep freeze with her tongue stuck out, wide-eyed.

Exposé hid her face behind her wings, and Bruises blushed but otherwise everypony, even Deep, was laughing far too hard to care. “Sorry boss! The cider is so good I just drank it too fast.”

I wasn’t the only pony to shake my head and smile. I worried sometimes about what had happened to Bruises’ mind but if anypony I knew could make others like her, it was Bruises. “It’s fine, Bruises. You probably saved Day from having to make fun of her sister again.”

Day shook her head. “Postponed it at best.”

Only one pony was left at the table without a drink: Pirouette. Her striking red mane made it an easy choice. “Last, but most definitely not least, a drink for the mare without whose threats of bodily injury this night would not have been possible, Pirouette.” Several mares actually applauded a bit, and Peach patted Pirouette’s back with a wing. I really was going to have to learn to keep those two separated.

“Done Deal, if you don’t watch your mouth, they’ll be more than threats!” Pirouette’s front legs were crossed as she glared at me, but as long as she didn’t lay her ears back, I was safe. Mostly. While Pirouette threatened, Jade pushed me salt, pepper, ponyradish, and hot sauce and I chopped a celery stalk. When Jade finished measuring and sliding me seasonings, I poured tomato juice, lemon juice, and vodka over over ice, mixed in what Jade had given me—and dropped an extra splash or three of hot sauce into Pirouette’s drink. Jade saw and her eyes widened a bit.

I set the drink on a saucer for Jade to carry out. “Here you go, Jade. Pirouette’s bloody Mary, to match her mane. And her hooves, and my face before tomorrow, probably.”

Mares around the table grinned, and Jade started trotting the drink out as Deep snorted a laugh. “Bloody Mosely, more like.”

I frowned. “Not in The Tall Tail. He earned that hoof in the snout, but once upon a time, he was a good customer here. Let’s not rub it in.”

Pirouette shook her head. “What was he thinking though, grabbing Mrs. Or—Ms. Zest’s tail? When a lady is leaving, you let her go.”

I sighed. The drama I’d started was the talk of the town, but I didn’t want it to be the talk of this party. To my relief, the door to Primavera banged open, and Strawberry and Primavera entered, distracting everypony with a cake at least three times the size of the one that still decorated the floor. I was going to have to deal with that before calling it a night.

Amber flapped up into the air, circling the cake. “This is huge. How did you get it done in time?”

Primavera smiled happily, for the first time I’d ever seen. “She’s a fantastic pastry chef! Done, you’re wasting her! My staff took to her in minutes! The dessert crew isn’t even in this late, but her instructions were so perfect, the regular chefs and even one busgirl pitched in and had prep done in no time! While they got back to work and the cake baked, Strawberry got the frosting ready. I was so worried, Done, but she got it all right, and so fast! There was hardly anything for me to do!”

Strawberry was blushing furiously at all the praise and having the entire table looking at her. Amber’s ears were leaning a bit, but otherwise everypony who knew Primavera was smiling, astonished—and Peach and Exposé seemed to be smiling just as happily at the cake. Even Deep and Day were impressed. Strawberry dusted a bit of flour off of a leg. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s such a nice kitchen, and the nopony made a single mistake!”

I smiled and gestured to the seats Strawberry and Primavera had abandoned so much earlier. “Go ahead and get that on the table, ladies. I’ll have your drinks in just a moment.” Strawberry and Pirouette carefully lifted the cake and lowered it to the table, with mares all around practically drooling. I sighed as I realized that my mouth being shut was the only reason I wasn’t literally drooling over the cake—none of which would come to me.

“Pirouette, you haven’t touched your drink.” Okay, so it was rotten of me, but if I wasn’t getting any of that amazing looking cake, I had to have fun somehow!

Pirouette blinked. “You’re right!” Pirouette tugged the celery out and chomped the end off before taking a swig of the hottest bloody Mary I’d ever mixed. And then she beamed. “Done, you finally got it right!”

“I…” I wanted to say “what,” in disbelief, but caught myself before I gave away my failed prank. “What do you mean, ‘finally?’”

Pirouette took a long pull and licked the tomato from her lips. “Oh, don’t get sore; you’re a great bartender, Done, but I’ve been waiting years for you to make me a bloody Mary that wasn’t so timid! This is just right!”

I stared in disbelief. It’s not like I’d mixed it hot enough to cause screaming or anything, but it should’ve been far too much to drink so easily!

Deep reached across the table. “May I?” I could only watch. A single word, and I’d be giving myself up.

Pirouette nodded. “Just a sip though; he may never make another this good!”

Deep nodded, and took a tiny sip from Pirouette’s glass, smiling at the flavor as she passed it back. It only took another second or two for the heat to burn though, and Deep went gasping for the rest of her cocktail, slamming it back in one toss.

Day Planner facehoofed. “Deep, you always do this. You can’t handle spice, but you have to taste everything spicy! Why?”

While Deep blotted tears from her eyes and stuck out her tongue, blowing on it as if that would help, Amber calmly stated, “See? Deviations run in families.”

I forced myself not to laugh as I told Jade to get things ready for another for Deep. First, though, Primavera and Strawberry. “Primavera, Berry, you weren’t around, but we had a theme going on. A drink based on each mare’s coat or mane color. Except Bruises, really—a black velvet’s not actually black.”

“And it’s not nice at all.” Bruises scrunched mane earned a few laughs, and a sigh from Exposé. “Boss gave me cider instead.”

Primavera’s smile slipped a little. “I’m… not sure what you’ll do with me, then. I’ve never seen a green cocktail I liked, and, well. My coat’s the color of pasta. I’ll be alright.”

I shook my head. “Not a chance, Primavera. You gave up your night off with everypony, both of you, and I’ll be damned if I can’t find some way to include you. Fact is, I don’t even have to try. This is still a day too early, but I meant to try something new, and it looks like you’ll be the taste tester, Primavera. And Strawberry, well. You’re easy as long as you like strawberry daiquiris.”

Primavera cocked her head, curious, but didn’t ask. Strawberry however perked up. “They’re del—”

“The red stuff! That’s what it was! Strawberry dak-ree!” Bruises was on her hooves, pointing at me in excitement as Exposé tugged at her to sit back down. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Ingredients for two daquiris, Jade. Double sugar for one. I’ll get started on Primavera’s drink.” Jade saluted for some reason and got to work. As she dealt with measuring out sugar, rum, and triple sec, I fished a bottle out of the bottom of the bag I’d brought from upstairs. Basil-lemongrass rum was hardly a normal choice behind my bar, and it’s a long wait to prepare, but mixed with ginger beer and a little brown sugar… the only question was whether or not the flavor would suit.

“Primavera wasn’t too hard on you while you were making the cake, was she, Strawberry?” Deep locked her eyes on Primavera, whose ears slipped back. It was Day who’d suffered because of Primavera, but Deep had been having more trouble letting go.

Strawberry shook her head. “No. She didn’t give her kitchen staff much time to rest, but she was nice to me.”

Deep Tissue practically recoiled. “Nice?”

Primavera’s voice actually trembled as she spoke. “I… her cake was perfect, even if it was a little plain. And Done’s kitchen is nothing fancy. If she managed that… I thought I could trust her.”

Strawberry Frosting patted Primavera’s withers, and I looked up from what I was doing. “Want a pastry chef, Primavera?”

Primavera nodded. I offered her my best reassuring smile while I muddled lime, sugar, and basil leaves. Ice, the rum and the ginger beer, and it was set. “You’ve got her.”

Strawberry Frosting looked startled. “I miss baking, but I like being your maid, too, sir!” I couldn’t have asked for a better set up than that.

“Then you still are. Forget about cleaning down here; we’ll take care of that like we used to. You just take care of my apartment, and the rest of the day is baking.”

I trotted the drink out to Primavera myself, and set it in front of her. “You managed to trust Strawberry. I’m trusting you not to wear out my maid. I think you can manage.”

Primavera grabbed the glass in front of her and took a longer pull than I’d have liked. She was hoping to steady herself.

Day sighed from the far side of the table. “Learn to treat her right, and we can talk about burying the hatchet, Primavera.”

Deep blinked. “Day, are you sure? After what shmph?”

That it was difficult for Day to offer the olive branch was plain. She wasn’t even looking at Primavera, and Day was not a pony to avoid eye contact. “Mr. Deal said it earlier. She’s part of this now. She needs to learn to be part of it. And we need to let her.”

Pirouette’s smile was as broad as I’d ever seen it. “There you go, Primavera. Think you can do it?”

I’ve never seen an expression as complicated as Primavera’s. I was sure I saw fear, relief, and happiness all in there somewhere. She set down her drink. “I… I want to.”

Amber of all ponies, was the last straw. “If you want to, it’s settled. I’ve never seen anypony so bad at tolerating things she doesn’t want.”

“Amber!” Shimmer frowned at Amber’s backhanded remark, but Primavera cracked a tiny smile.

“I am, aren’t I?” The restaurateur dabbed at an eye with a fetlock for lack of anything else as Strawberry congratulated her without really understanding what had just happened. I trotted back to the bar with a smile on my muzzle, but Primavera’s voice stopped me. “Done… it’s good. A little sweet, though.”

“It’s a tortola mojito. I’ll work on the sweetness.” I trotted back to the bar to get back to work on Bruises’ and Strawberry’s drinks as ponies cautiously started including Primavera in the conversations. No matter what Pirouette did to me later, the night was a success.

Author's Note

This chapter is what Fable asked for for his birthday, ages ago. Accordingly, why I've been working so very hard on getting chapters out of late--today's his birthday! For all of the next six minutes. Happy birthday Fable! We may not see eye to eye on phrasing or humor sometimes, but there's no question that Smoke is drastically more polished thanks to your help.