The Fantastically Mediocre Adventures Of Orion

As Orion came out of his unconsensual slumber, his head throbbing like someone kicked him in the back of the face. Taking in his surroundings he deduced that he was in the barn that he had been walking too. This could be good or bad depending who knocked him out, why, and how he was going to get the hell out of there. He tryed to rub his head but found he was bound around his wrist and ankles, with his hands behind his back. Naturally he started flailing about like an epileptic in a small room with a strobe light and screaming like a child who was just offered candy by a balding man in his forties driving a windowless van.

        "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!" Orion kept this yelling up for about forty-five seconds, Until the main barn door opened and revealed a shadowed figure. Running in the figure became clearer, it appeared to be,

        "A pony? What the hell?" Orion started to relax knowing that it was just an animal and not some cleaver weilding pysociopath with a blood lust.

        "At least I don't have to worry about the stupid animal killing me." Orion's dumb attempt at making a joke at the ponies expense didn't appear to go over well with it, and it promply started running towards him.

        "WaitWaitWait!"I was all Orion got out before being trampled by the enraged equine.

        "Ah am not a stupid animal ya varmit!" Proclamed the pony. Dumbfounded from the animal speaking and the asswhooping he had just received (mostly the asswhooping), he spoke his next words very carefully as not to spite the crazy ass talking pony who he had just noticed was a dull orange and had a straw colored mane, she was also rocking a Stetson.

        "Bu-how-wher-THISDOESN'TMAKESENSE!" Ok, maybe he just spewed whatever came to his mind but it didn't seem to anger the technicolor pony, at least not anymore then she (he was pretty sure) was already and she thankfully had a more thought out question then him.

        "What are ya?" Not knowing how to respond to the question he wanted to ask her but his mind was too fucked up at the time due multiple hits to the head and loss of consciousness. More times then he could count at the moment, which was probably a bad sign.

        "Uh... I'm a human. What the everloving hell are you?" Orion so eloquently put to which the female miniature horse replied,

        "Ah'm a pony, ya know, the main inhabitant of equestria?" Orion had no idea what the hell this talking pony was going on about equestria. They were on earth. Unless he was on his way to hell and something terrible happened.

        "I think you mean earth, we're on earth aren't we?" He had no idea if he was being pranked or trolled by his two delinquent co-workers, but this all seemed to real to be a prank and even if it was it couldn't have been Isaac and John, those two wouldn't put this much thought into anything like this. Would they? Orion wasn't about to throw any idea off of the table, especially if there was a talking technicolor horse talking to him. He hoped that John and or Isaac just gave him shrooms when he wasn't looking and he was in a crack house talking to a deranged homeless person who thought they we're southern. And a pony. Anything was better then his reality being reality.

        "No Ah mean what Ah said, we're in equestria on planet equis. Are you trying to tell me yer an alien?" Oh this is bad Orion thought, if she's serious I'm either dead or have been transported here by some godly force. Orion thought both of those seemed ludicrous but the death one seemed less far fetched than being transported here by some unknown force. Forced with the two worst realities he took the lesser and hoped he was still alive and that there was a chance he could get back to his wife and unborn child.

        "I guess so. I want to ask you though, Why did you knock me unconscious?!?!" The orange cowpony recoiled and the statement Orion had just shouted at her.

        "Ah am mighty sorry 'bout that, you scared me is all. Put yerself in mah hooves, imagine some scary creature you've never seen before is lumbering through yer property. It would scare you too huh?" She had a good point, and she was apologetic.. though Orion thought that he might milk it a little bit to see if he could make her feel worse about it, because lets face it, if you were knocked out by some random talking pony would you be quick to fogive? Or would you stew in your own bitterness for a minute before realizing that they're to damn adorable to stay mad at.

        "I don't know if I should trust someones apology who hit me in the back of the head hard enough for me to lose consciousness For a good couple minutes and possibly causing irreversible brain damage." Orion dead panned like the asshole he could be sometimes.

        "Look, Ah already said Ah'm sorry! What else could you want from me?!" The poor downtrodden mare was starting to make Orion depressed so he quickly replied,

        "Your name would be nice." Orion said with a small grin. The orange pony looked shocked, shook her head and quickly said,

        "Mah name's Applejack," She said proudly as she stuck one of her forehooves out as to give Orion a handshake, to which Orion just gave her a dead panned look and motioned to his hands, which were still bound behind his back. "Oh, heh heh. Sorry 'bout that, Ah plum forgot." She said as she untied Orion from his impromptu prison.

        "Thanks,"Orion said as he flexed his wrist back and forth, pleased to have movement of his hand back. "Now that I can use my hands," he said as he reached out a hand to meet Applejacks hoof," My name is Orion, its to bad we didn't meet under better circumstances."

        "What do ya mean?" Applejack inquired. Intsead of replying, Orion took off running outside the barn and started sprinting in what he though was the most appropriate direction, which was any at this point. Whilst making his escape from his crazy red neck captor, he could he her yelling behind him such cliché'd things like, Get back here!, Stop before I hurt you, and his personal favorite, Don't make me get mah rope! Which made him ran twice as fast, the thought of her with a rope terrified him to no end, but why he had no idea. While running for his life, he quickly realized something, he was REALLY out of shape! Through heaving breaths and leg cramps he pressed on. Until he tripped and face planted into a pile of what he HOPED was mud.