Magical Mystery Couture

Rarity trotted out the door of Carousel Boutique, adorned in her latest fashion creation.  It was a simple cocktail dress, but the way she had draped the fabric like made her flank look absolutely spectacular.    Normally she wouldn’t wear white against her white coat, but this dress… oh, this dress was simply to die for!

That was when she felt the first drops of rain.  Rain alone could have amounted to a disaster, since rain and white clothing never mesh well except in the minds of certain lecherous stallions.  However, when she realized that it was raining chocolate milk (again), staining her masterpiece with brown polka dots, Rarity could not help but scream in frustration and outrage.  Of all of the worst possible things, this was the worst. Possible. THING!

Obviously, it meant that Discord was misbehaving again.  She would have to have a word with him, or Fluttershy if the draconequus wouldn’t listen.  Her soaking wet cocktail dress now brown and sticky, Rarity angrily stormed off in the direction of Fluttershy’s cottage.  While Discord did not actually reside there, it was the most logical location in Ponyville to find him.  Not that the Spirit of Chaos was wont to follow logic.

Suddenly, Rarity's path was blocked by a bouncing pink pony.

“Good morning, Rarity!” Pinkie Pie squealed in a gleeful manner that grated like hooves on a chalkboard against Rarity's current state of mind.  “Is that a new dress?  It looks delicious!”  The pink mare tilted her head back and let the chocolate rain fall into her mouth.

“It was a new dress," Rarity huffed, shaking her mane, "and now it’s ruined, thanks to Discord.  I’m on my way there to give him a piece of my mind right now.”  Her mane was starting to clump together due to the sticky chocolate.

“That big meanie,” Pinkie concurred.  “Who does he think he is ruining my friend’s dress?  Although, just between you and I, you probably shouldn’t have worn white outside when the weather ponies are calling for chocolate rain.”  She licked her lips in ecstasy.

“I’ll keep that in mind after I tell Discord to make it stop,” Rarity replied sarcastically.  “I don’t care if he is the Spirit of Chaos, he simply cannot just make chocolate rain whenever he has the urge to drink a glass.”

“Oh, Discord isn’t the one who made it rain today,” Pinkie Pie told her.  Her smile stretched from ear to ear, as if she were proud of a great accomplishment.

“I beg your pardon?” Rarity said with a raised eyebrow.

“It was in the forecast this morning.  I confirmed it with the rest of the weather team.”

Something about the way Pinkie said “the rest of the weather team” did not register properly with Rarity.  She was not sure what drew her attention to Pinkie Pie’s flank (perhaps she was subconsciously imagining how the pink party pony would look in her chocolate-stained dress... brown was the new pink, after all), but what she observed there made her gasp.

“Ooh, that was a good one.  It was almost as good as the sound I made on the first day I met Twilight Sparkle.”

“Pinkie Pie, what happened to your cutie mark?”  Rarity cried in astonishment.  Indeed, Pinkie Pie sported a cutie mark that was normally associated with a certain future Wonderbolt.

“Silly filly, my cutie mark has looked like this since the day I performed the Sonic Rainboom™." Pinkie Pie laughed heartily. "You saw it yourself when I won the annual Running of the Leaves.”

“I… er… that is… um…” Rarity was at a loss for words.  This was absurd.  “Maybe it isn’t Discord that I need to have words with after all.  I’ll… talk to you later, Pinkie Pie.”

“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie smiled, and went back to drinking the rain.

Rarity noticed that in addition to producing the cocoa confection, the pink cotton candy clouds occasionally blasted out dollops of whipped cream like lightning bolts.  If Pinkie Pie was truly controlling the weather somehow, she had managed to improve on Discord’s original design, the alabaster unicorn observed.

“Wait, what am I thinking?” Rarity cried, facehoofing.  “Something really strange is going on.  I must find Twilight Sparkle.”

Once again, Rarity changed directions and galloped toward the library.  Upon reaching her destination, she was surprised when Applejack poked her head out.

“Rarity!  What can I do ya for, sugarcube?  A book of patterns for your dresses?”  Applejack held up a copy of Always a Bridlemaid, Never a Bride: a Guide to Fashioning Formal Dresses That You Can Shorten and Wear Again.

“Actually, I was looking for Twilight Sparkle.  There's something strange going on with... is that a new Stetson?"  Rarity asked.  Applejack's regular hat was brown, but the one she currently sported was navy blue.  Rarity cringed at how it clashed against the farmer's coat.

"Ya like it?  I need to give it some alterations still, but it's gonna look great," Applejack smiled proudly.

"Of... course," Rarity said noncommittally, trying her best not to blurt out how much of an affront to fashion the new chapeau really was.  "Is Twilight upstairs?  I simply must speak with her."

“Sorry Rares, I haven’t seen her today,” Applejack admitted.  “Have you checked her cottage?”

“Her… cottage?” Rarity gasped again when Applejack opened the door a little further, revealing a star pattern cutie mark that on a normal day would have belonged to the purple unicorn.

“If she’s not there, she might be off somewhere with Spike,” the orange mare offered as a second possibility.  “I hope you don’t mind, I gotta get back to my studyin’ for the Princess.  I'll catch you later, Rarity.  I like the new dress, by the way.”

The door closed, leaving a very confused white mare standing there awkwardly in her ruined dress in the chocolate rain.  Suddenly she was doused with a dollop of whipped cream from the nearest cloud.  She heard snickering and saw a wisp of rainbow colored mane poking over the edge.

“I got you so good, Rarity.  You should have seen the look on your face,” the Columbia Blue Pegasus chortled.

“Rainbow Dash, if my dress weren’t already a mess of sticky... stickiness, I’d…” Rarity fumed.  She didn't actually know what she'd do to Rainbow Dash, but she had a couple of possibilities in mind.  One involved punishment via waterboarding, and the other involved some form of torture like a hooficure.

“Relax, it was just a harmless prank,” Dash said nonchalantly, snapping Rarity out of her daydream.  "Have a sense of humor for a change."

“At least you’re still normal,” the white unicorn muttered.  “Something has gone terribly wrong in Ponyville.  Pinkie Pie controls the weather, and Applejack is… studying.  Please tell me that you still want to be a Wonderbolt.”

“Of course!” Rainbow Dash squealed with glee.  “I went through the Academy and everything!”

“Thank Celestia,” Rarity sighed with relief.

“They have an opening for a new catering chef," Rainbow continued. "With my expertise in the kitchen, I’m going to be the best cook the Wonderbolts ever had!”

The purple maned unicorn facehoofed for the third time that morning.  If there was ever a need for her fainting couch, now was certainly the time.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Rarity?  You’re acting weird,” the colorful pegasus asked with a touch of concern.

“I’ll be better when I see Twilight Sparkle so she can sort this mess out,” Rarity muttered.

“Oh, it’s not that bad.  I’m sure the chocolate rain will wash right out of it.  The draping makes your flank look spectacular, if you don’t mind me saying so,” Dash added as she flew off, probably to prank another unsuspecting pony with whipped cream lightning strikes.  Rarity took note of the fact that the pegasus’ cutie mark was now a set of three balloons, two blue and one yellow, and shook her head.  She had a sinking feeling that this was not going to get any easier.

In order to get to Fluttershy’s cottage (or was it now Twilight’s cottage?), Rarity needed to pass by the outskirts of Sweet Apple Acres.  She saw a familiar pale yellow Pegasus hovering in front of some of the apple trees.  After what she had already witnessed with her other three friends, it did not surprise her to see three apples had replaced Fluttershy’s cutie mark.

“Now… um… just like we practiced, Angel Bunny,” she cooed to the white rabbit, who pouted and crossed his paws.  “Pretty please?” she begged.

Angel gave an audible sigh and kicked the nearest tree hard, causing a number of apples to fall into the bushel of the waiting pegasus.

“Thank you so much,” she praised the rabbit, giving him a carrot, and then turned to see Rarity watching her.  “Oh, hello Rarity.  I didn’t expect to see you here today.”

“Are you… using Angel to buck apples?” Rarity asked in wonder.

“Oh, yes.  I’ve tried doing it myself, but I just don’t have it in me the same way that Big MacIntosh does.  It was rather frustrating,” the yellow Pegasus explained, getting into position, and giving the tree the puniest tap Rarity had ever witnessed.  “Normally I wouldn’t even be out here, but Big MacIntosh strained his ribs again, and these apples aren’t going to buck themselves.”

“It.. is rather clever, I suppose,” Rarity acquiesced.

“I like your dress.  You look so wonderful in brown. Is it new?” Fluttershy asked.

“It was,” the unicorn replied crossly.

“Oh, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean anything by that…”

“No, it’s not your fault.  It's... actually rather complicated.  I hate to rush away, but I was just passing through. I have an urgent matter that requires Twilight Sparkle’s attention.  It was good to see you, Fluttershy,” Rarity finished, trying her best to assure her timid friend that her current state of mind was not in any way Fluttershy's fault.

“Oh, all right.  Take care, Rarity.”  Fluttershy said with a small smile as she went back to coaxing Angel to kick more apples down from the various trees.

Rarity continued down the path to where Fluttershy lived...  or where she used to live, and Twilight Sparkle was apparently now living.   She hoped Twilight was “home” and not off in the Everfree Forest or doing Celestia only knew what else. She cautiously approached Fluttershy’s cottage.  Or Twilight’s cottage… this cutie mark crisis was making her head spin.  In any case, nothing seemed out of the ordinary on the outside, but she felt a terrible chill run down her spine when she raised her hoof to knock on the door.

Steady, Rarity, she thought.  It’s only Twilight Sparkle.  She also lives in a tree.  Yes, that’s it.  You’re really entering the library, and this is just an illusion of Fluttershy’s cottage.  She’ll dispel the illusion and everything will go back to nor—

“Spike, is that you?” Twilight called from inside.

“Erm…” Rarity blurted.  “I mean, it’s me, Twilight.  I need to speak with you; we’ve a bit of a situation here…”

Twilight opened the door.  Sure enough, she had Fluttershy’s cutie mark.  While it did not suit the lavender unicorn as well as her real cutie mark, the pink butterflies did go well with her mane…

“Are you all right, Rarity?” Twilight asked, puzzled.

“Twilight, everything’s wrong.  I don’t know how it happened, but we need to fix it!” Rarity exclaimed dramatically as she looked for a nice soft couch to faint on.

“I don’t understand, you’re not making any sense, Rarity,” Twilight chuckled nervously.

A second voice called out from across the room.

“I daresay, do we have another guest for our tea party?”

Rarity recognized the speaker immediately, and her heart skipped a beat.  She wasn’t sure whether she should be elated or ready to kick the speaker’s flank.  She decided on a third option, which involved calming down and speaking with Twilight Sparkle rationally.

“So… Twilight, you and Discord were having tea?”

“It seemed a bit odd to me when he showed up, too, but I guess Fluttershy was busy today,” Twilight replied with a guilty smile.

“I see,” Rarity said flatly.  “Well, I wouldn’t want to impose—“

Twilight grabbed Rarity rather roughly, her expression suddenly wild with terror.

“It’s no trouble at all!” She said loudly (and rather woodenly, as if she wanted Discord to hear), and then dropped her volume to a hiss. “Please don’t leave me alone with him.  He’s driving me crazy!”

“Um… yes. Of course, darling,” Rarity murmured.  The two unicorns trotted in awkward silence into the dining room, where Discord sat upside down at a table on the ceiling.

“Rarity!” the draconequus beamed.  “How lovely it is for you to join us.  Would you care for a Spot of tea?”  The upside down teapot yapped at her like a puppy.  “Good Spot,” Discord said, mussing with the lid of the teapot as if it were fur.

“I… er… tend to prefer my tea right side up, thank you,” Rarity replied.

“Oh, come on, you’re a unicorn.  Put that horn of yours to some use and join me up here.  Aren’t I the one you’ve really been looking for?”

“I just remembered that I have to do that thing with the feeding of the chickens to the books…” Twilight rambled, and dashed away faster than Rarity could blink.  Discord watched Twilight leave with amusement.

“Now that we’re alone, isn’t there something you wished to ask me?” the draconequus purred, his voice dripping with saccharine.

“Well, I suppose there’s no point in beating around the proverbial bush,” Rarity lamented.  “Discord, I want you to put my friends’ cutie marks back on where they belong.”

Discord laughed.  It wasn’t an evil laugh, as far as laughs go, but it still wasn’t a particularly nice laugh.  Rarity could definitely detect an air of condescension in it.

“What’s so funny?” She asked crossly.

“Why, Rarity, after all of this time, you still don’t trust me.  While I appreciate that you didn’t try to butter me up before accusing me of being the cause of your current woes, there are a few reasons that I must naturally decline your request.”  Discord raised his paw and began counting.

“First,” he held up one digit, “since it was not my magic that brought about your dilemma, it is not within my power to correct it.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow at that statement.  “It is not within you power?” She asked skeptically.

“Well, all right, is within my power, but that leads me to point number two.”  Discord raised two digits on his paw.  “Even if I could ‘change your friends back, I’m having fun watching the chaos unfold.  Nice dress, by the way.”

“Discord, you put things back the way they were before or so help me—“

“Are you two ok in there?” Twilight called from outside.  “You’d better not be fighting in there.”

“Everything’s peachy, Twilight Sparkle!” Discord lied in a sing-songy voice.

“Yes,” Rarity reluctantly agreed.  “We were just… um…”

“Rehearsing,” Discord offered.

“Rehearsing.  Um.  Yeah.  For the Ponyville talent show this evening.  It’s a duet called ‘Put Things Back the Way They Were Before or So Help Me’ that I’m doing with Sweetie Belle.  You know how she’s always making a mess in my workshop,” Rarity embellished.

Twilight didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Well, it certainly sounds interesting.  I’m sorry that I’m going to miss it.  I have to pick Spike up at the train station.  He’s off on Royal Canterlot business right now,” the lavender unicorn explained.  “Well, don’t mind me, you two get back to rehearsing.”

“I can’t believe she actually bought that,” Discord chortled.

“I can’t believe that you’re breaking your promise to Fluttershy and the Princess,” Rarity accused.

“I’m not breaking anything,” Discord argued, a hurt expression flashing across his face.  “Just because I didn’t cause this particular bit of chaos doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy it while it lasts.  I do appreciate other artists’ work from time to time, you know.  That was point number…” he tried counting on his paw again, extra phalanges appearing out of nowhere when it looked like he should have run out.  “Well, in any case, just because I’m Fluttershy’s friend doesn’t mean that I have to help you.”

“Then won’t you help her?" Rarity begged, attempting to do her best impression of Sweetie Belle’s eyes when she really, really wanted something.

“My dear Rarity, like it or not, I simply cannot be your deus ex machina this time around.  You’re going to have to find another way.  Besides, above all else, there is one reason that stands out above all others, one that you of all ponies should have known better than to forget,” Discord cooed.

“And what, pray tell, would this reason be?” Rarity asked, her impatience getting the better of her.

“Why, you didn’t say ‘please.’” Discord replied flippantly.  “Now I’m a very busy draconequus, and Twilight is out of tea, so if you’ll excuse me, I must take my leave. Arrivederci!”

Before Rarity could protest, Discord made a snapping sound with his left claws and vanished.  Twilight casually strolled back in from whatever she had been doing outdoors.

“Oh, did Discord leave?” she asked Rarity while humming.

“Yes, he said you were out of tea,” Rarity answered absently, as the table Discord had been sitting at crashed to the floor.

“I’m sorry for dashing off like that, but I remembered that the chickens needed to be fed, and it’s important to keep them on the correct schedule,” Twilight tried to explain.

"He was… not particularly helpful anyway,” Rarity decided bitterly.  “I don’t suppose you could send a letter to Princess Celestia for me?”

“Sorry, Rarity.  Spike’s the one with the magical fire, not me,” Twilight looked down at her hooves.  “It this talent show really so important that you need Celestia’s help?”

“What?  I mean…” Rarity looked around the cottage and changed the subject.  “Is that the feeding schedule that you mentioned before?”  A massive spreadsheet dominated the living room wall.

Twilight’s eyes lit up.  “Yes!  I have every animal categorized by age, weight, size, and diet.  No critter will go hungry as long as I stick to this little work of genius.  I’ve even got some bells and whistles set up to remind me just in case.”

“It’s certainly something, darling.” Rarity agreed.  “Although I’m not exactly sure I’d call it ‘little’…” she muttered under her breath.  A bell chimed.

“Oh dear, that means it’s time to feed Harry.  He gets grumpy if I’m late… do you mind?”

“Not at all, Twilight.  You just do what… you do best.”  The words caught in Rarity’s throat a bit as she tried to say them.

Leaving Twilight to perform Fluttershy’s duties, Rarity pondered the situation as she trotted back to Carousel Boutique.  None of her friends seemed particularly upset by their altered destinies.  Why, then was she getting so worked up about it.  Nopony had really gotten hurt by any of it.  Well, there was her dress, but maybe Pinkie Pie was right about checking the weather report before wearing white.  Rainbow Dash still wanted to be a Wonderbolt.  Applejack was studying.  It wasn’t like she was summoning Cthulhu in the library’s basement.  Even Fluttershy seemed to have adapted well enough.

Maybe I’m being irrational.  This change could be a good thing, Rarity thought.  Who am I to say that they should change back, anyway?

There was a crack of thunder and Rarity was doused with an immense dollop of whipped cream.

Oh, yeah. There’s that.  I won’t be able to deal with that for much longer.  I suppose I can wait until Spike gets back, at the very least.  There’s only so much trouble my friends can get into in one night…