Magical Mystery Couture

The mayor approached the microphone.  Tapping her hoof against it in an apparent sound check, the resulting screech of feedback caused everypony in the audience to wince.  Fluttershy in particular, as well as a few other sensitive individuals put their hooves over their ears in an attempt to block out the cacophonous clamor.  Finally, the noise petered out, and the mayor began to speak.

“Thank you, everypony, for coming to the third annual Amateur Night.  As you know, this night has been set up by our own Cheerilee to benefit the children of Ponyville and help them develop their special talents, whatever they may be, by showcasing some of our own.  Tonight’s first act will be the… um… Incomparable… Rainbow Dash!”

There was some polite hoof clopping as the Pegasus sailed through the curtain, skidding to a halt at the microphone.

“Well, she certainly makes an entrance,” Rarity murmured to nopony in particular.  “Same old Rainbow Dash in that respect.”

“Thank you, fillies and gentlecolts.  I just flew in from Cloudsdale and gosh, are my wings tired!”

Rarity cringed.  She swore she could hear crickets chirping.

“I see my friend Derpy in the crowd.  Say hi to everypony, Derpy!”

“Hi to everypony, Derpy!” said Ditzy Doo, grinning and waving.  That drew a couple of chuckles from the crowd.  Maybe Dash just needed to warm up a bit.

“So my friend Derpy walked into Berry Punch’s bar and said ‘ouch.’  She walked into the bar a second time and said ‘ouch.’  The third time she walked around it.”

Ditzy Doo laughed.  Rarity noticed she was the only pony doing so.

“A parasprite flew into the bar and asked ‘Is the bar tender here?’”

Groans.  Rarity could hear Roseluck whispering “Puns… the horror… the horror…”

“Hey, Rainbow Dash,” Ditzy called out. “Why don’t you tell the one you told me earlier about how I’m dyslexic, so I walked into a bra?”

“I can’t now,” the blue pegasus deadpanned, facehoofing. “You just gave away the punchline.”

The crowd roared with laughter.  Rarity couldn't help but notice that the other ponies seemed to be finding Ditzy funnier than Dash.  Perhaps what Rainbow needed was somepony like Ditzy or Pinkie Pie to bounce her jokes off of while Rainbow played the "straight mare."  That tactic always worked for Birnbaum and Gracie in the old days.  She wondered what sort of reaction Pinkie Pie would be getting right now if she were up there like she was supposed to be.  She had to find some way to give her friends their proper destinies back.  But how was she going to do that if Twilight Sparkle was unwilling to use her magic?

“…and the stallion said ‘Rectum? Dang near killed ‘em!’” Dash finished her latest joke to a chorus of boos that snapped Rarity out of her daydream.  “Aw, come on, everypony loves that one…”

“Thank you very much, Rainbow Dash,” the mayor said gently. There had been a sale on tomatoes at the farmer’s market earlier that day, so the political figurehead was quick to escort her off of the stage before some of the rowdier members of the audience began throwing various produce at the failed comedian.

“Our next act features a quintet gracious enough to come here all the way from Canterlot—“

Pokey Pierce, the Mayor’s assistant galloped onto the stage, hoofing her a note card and whispering something.

“Oh, there have been some minor substitutions.  Three of the five instrumentalists performing for you next hail from Canterlot.  Some of you may recognize Octavia on the cello, Frederick Horseshoepin on the Grand Piano, and Beauty Brass on the Sousaphone.  Due to illness, Ponyville’s own Fiddlesticks will be substituting for Symphony on the violin, and Lyra Heartstirings will be playing the harp in the place of Harpo Parish Nadermane.”

“Lyre!” Bon Bon hissed from the audience.

“No, I’m telling you the truth.  It says so right here on this card,” the Mayor asserted.  “The selection they will be performing for us tonight is entitled ‘Walkürenritt,’” the mayor finished.  The audience applauded.  Rainbow Dash quietly took a seat at the table next to Rarity.

“Ugh… that couldn’t have gone worse,” she muttered.

“You tried your best, darling,” Rarity reassured her.  “It wasn’t completely atrocious.”

“That’s just how what I want my name in Ponyville to be—the Not Completely Atrocious Rainbow Dash,” the colorful Pegasus moped.

“Aw… cheer up Rainbow Dash,” said Ditzy with a comforting smile and a roll of her eyes.  “The crowd laughed a little bit.”

“They laughed at your bits more than mine.  I just don’t know what went wrong,” Dash sighed.

“The program says that Carrot Top is doing her routine after this,” Rarity noticed.

“Yeah, maybe you can pick up some ideas from her for next time,” Ditzy added.

“Carrot Top’s shtick is nothing but a bunch of props,” Dash whispered.

“Our next performers call themselves 'The Sisters Doo,'” announced Mayor Mare.

“Hey, that’s my girls!” Ditzy said with a squee.

“What, you forgot that they signed up for this?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“The Sisters Doo will be singing a song by the artist Carrie Oakey,” the Mayor continued.

“I’ve never heard of this Oakey character,” Rarity whispered.  “Maybe Sweetie Belle has some of her albums.”

“Um, Rarity, it was a typo on the card,” Rainbow Dash groaned.  “They’re going to be singing karaoke.”

“Oh, that explains a lot,” Rarity replied, her face brightening.  Then she realized the ramifications, and she winced, in spite of herself.

Dinky Doo bowed nervously, almost striking the microphone as she did.  Sparkler, her older sister, trotted up behind her.

"We dedicate this song to Mommy," Dinky said simply, and they both began to harmonize.

So show me family

Living in the Everfree

I don’t know where I belong

I don’t know just what went wrong

But I can try to write a song

I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweet muffin!

“I never knew Sparkler had such a lovely voice,” Roseluck commented as the sisters continued on stage.

“You weren’t at Winter Wrap up?” Rainbow Dash snickered.

“Yeah, but it's one thing to sing in a group like that, and quite another to do it on stage,” Roseluck continued.

Rarity glanced over at Ditzy Doo, who was looking at her precious children with tear filled eyes.  Despite one of those eyes being a little off kilter, it was still enough of a "d'aaaw" moment to force Rarity to look away before she started crying herself.

It was not a particularly lengthy song, so once Dinky and Sparkler finished, the Mayor came back out onto the stage.  Looking at her note cards, she cleared her throat with a harrumph.

“Our next performer will be Silver Spoon.  It doesn’t say what she will be doing, so we’ll just have to let her speak for herself.  Silver Spoon, everypony!”

A smattering of light applause rumbled from the audience.  Rarity found herself clenching her jaw a bit, recognizing the filly from some of the stories Sweetie Belle had told her.  While Silver Spoon was not the instigator in most cases, she was often an accomplice.  She was friends with Diamond Tiara, who was often the main antagonist.  Rarity wondered which part of being a bully was worse:  the perpetrator, or the lackey who goads them on.

Silver Spoon looked nervous, and Rarity chided herself for her negative thoughts.  Right now, this filly was out of her element, and it took courage to get up on stage to perform… whatever it was she was about to do.  Especially considering that Silver Spoon had most likely seen how Rainbow Dash had been booed off of the stage earlier.

“I… um…”  Her eyes wide, pupils dilated, Silver Spoon stuttered, unsure of how to proceed.

“It’s ok, honey.  Just like you practiced,” called a soothing voice from the crowd.  Rarity could not see who the pony was, but guessed that it was most likely the filly’s mother.

Breathing deeply and letting loose a massive calming sigh, Silver Spoon closed her eyes, set her jaw, gulped, and began to perform.

She held a pair of spoons in each of her front hooves, and began drumming them on every available surface, alternating between her knees, the stage floor, a chair, her shoulders, tapping out a cadence that got Rarity’s foot moving along with the beat.  Then, just as Rarity was starting to wonder whether this would be the whole act, she started to juggle them, still tapping out her rhythm, tossing, crisscrossing, and manipulating the musical flatware in a mesmerizing dance across the stage.

Silver Spoon had somehow added a fifth piece to her ensemble, which she was now balancing on the end of her nose, to her audience’s delight.  Her tempo increased, the titillating tap-tap-tapping tantalizing everypony with its intricacy.   Faster and faster she played, accelerating little by little as she crept towards her climax. With a nod, she flung the five spoons into the air one by one, letting each plummet to the stage and catching it after the first bounce. Silver Spoon then struck a pose, spreading the five instruments out in her right hoof like a fan and holding them up in front of her face.

She held the pose for ten heartbeats, as nopony in the audience dared to break the silence.  Finally Ditzy Doo began to clap, slowly.  She was quickly joined by Rarity and the rest of the audience as Silver Spoon curtsied on the stage.

“So that’s what Silver Spoon’s cutie mark means,” Rarity mused.  She would have to tell Sweetie Belle about this.  Maybe it would inspire her sister to try something less… messy with the other Crusaders for a change.

Speaking of change, Pinkie Pie was up next, and it looked like she was playing every single instrument that the Canterlot group had used all at the same time.  The more things change...

~ M M C ~

Rarity paced back and forth in her bedroom, unable to concentrate on anything.  Why was she the only pony who seemed to believe anything was wrong?  She needed to have Spike write to Princess Celestia.  Surely the Princess would have some sort of explanation for all of this, wouldn’t she?  She had stayed up all night going over and over the various explanations for it all, but nothing seemed to make sense.

Rarity flopped down upon her bed in despair.  Of all of the worst possible—

Wait a minute.

She remembered.  It seemed trivial at the time, but how could she have forgotten?

Two nights ago she had been visiting Twilight Sparkle at the library, and Ditzy Doo had shown up with a package for her from Princess Celestia…

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

The spell contained on the last page of this book is Star Swirl the Bearded’s final masterpiece~

“Ooh!” both Rarity and Twilight had gasped simultaneously.

He was never able to get it right and thus abandoned it.  I believe that you are the only pony who can understand and rewrite it.

Princess Celestia

“Star Swirl the Bearded?  Wasn’t that the costume you wore for Nightmare Night?” Rarity asked.

“Yes! He’s not only the father of the amniomorphic spell, he was the most important conjurer of the pre- classical era!  There’s an entire wing in the Canterlot Library devoted just to him!” Twilight gushed.

“What a wonderful opportunity this must be for you, darling,” Rarity said to Twilight.  “I’d liken it to designing dresses for royalty if it were me.  Might I have a look?”

“I never realized that you had an interest in Star Swirl’s work, Rarity,” Twilight said with a smirk.

“If Star Swirl was everything you say, his spells were an art form, and let it never be said that Rarity is not a patron of the arts,” Rarity replied with a dignified air.  She looked at the last page and her brow furrowed.

“From one to another, another to one.  A mark of one’s destiny singled out alone fulfilled.  That doesn’t even rhyme,” she protested.

“Not all spells have to rhyme, Rarity,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes.  “Still, I guess it could be a little more poetic.  You don’t suppose that the answer it could be that simple?”

“If it were that simple, Star Swirl would have figured it out and I’d be the Element of Magic right now instead of Generosity,” Rarity joked.  A clock on the wall chimed. “Oh dear, is it that late already?  I must be getting back to Sweetie Belle.  It looks like you have your work cut out for you, Twilight.  I cannot wait to hear what you come up with.”

It was me!  When I read the spell aloud, I must have accidentally cast it.  Oh, I feel like a complete foal.  I must get to the library and ask Twi—er I guess it would be Applejack at the moment—if there is a counter-spell of some sort that I can cast to set everything right.  Yes, that is exactly what I will do.  It was a simple mistake, a simple counter-spell is all I need…

“What do you mean there’s no counter-spell?”

“Keep yer skirt on, Rarity,” Applejack said, shaking her head in annoyance.  The bells that she had attached to the Stetson jingled.  “Read the page yerself.  Just don’t do it out loud this time, if you’re concerned about what it may or may not have done.”

Rarity looked at the page.  The words she had read the previous night stared back at her in Star Swirl’s flowing calligraphy.  There was nothing else.  No notes, no explanation, nothing.

“Now, the Princess is expecting me to work on this here spell and get it right, so I’m gonna need some quiet around here if you don’t mind.”

The purple maned unicorn found herself escorted out of the library before she could protest any further.  Ironically enough, it was just in time to see a familiar purple dragon waddling by munching on some topaz.

“Spikey-wikey!”

Spike was at Rarity’s side before she could utter the third syllable.

“Yes, Rarity?  How may I help you today?”

“You haven’t noticed anypony acting rather… odd lately, have you?”

Spike hesitated, but finally leaned in so he could whisper.

“Would you consider Twilight Sparkle taking care of Fluttershy’s animals to be odd?” he asked with a hopeful look on his face.

“As odd as Pinkie Pie controlling the weather,” Rarity responded in kind.

“Thank Celestia, I thought I was the only one,” Spike breathed a sigh of relief.  “How come nopony remembers how it’s supposed to be except for us?”

“Well, I’m no Twilight Sparkle,” Rarity said, “but if I were to speculate, I would think that it’s because I’m the one who inadvertently cast the spell that caused it.  I cannot explain why you remain unaffected, but you cannot begin to imagine how elated I am that you remember too.”

“Wait a sec, you cast a spell?” Spike asked with a frown.  “I’ve never seen you use magic for anything that wasn’t fashion related.  Why were you casting spells and not Twilight?”

“Honestly, I wasn’t trying to do it,” Rarity insisted.  “I assure you that it was an accident.  I happened to be visiting Twilight last night while you were taking a bath, and she received a special delivery from Princess Celestia—“

“How come I didn’t know about that?” Spike asked, flushing when he realized that he had been taking a seven hour bubble bath while Rarity was there.  “The Princess usually sends her letters through me. Literally.”

“Oh, this was no letter,” Rarity explained.  “Ditzy Doo dropped off a special book of spells that the Princess asked Twilight to work on.  I sort of read one of them.”

“Sort of?” Spike raised an eyebrow.

“I saw no harm in just reading it.  I didn't think reading it meant that I was casting it.  My horn didn’t even spark… somepony should have put a warning on the page or something,” Rarity huffed.  “Besides, while I have some magic like any unicorn, I’m not gifted like Twilight Sparkle is.  I should not have been able to cast a spell written by Star Swirl the Bearded willy nilly like that.”

“Well, at least now we know what went wrong,” Spike said.  “So what’s your plan to fix everypony?”

“I tried to look in the book again, but Applejack keeps shooing me out of the library,” Rarity grumbled.

“Applejack’s got Twilight’s cutie mark?  Equestria is doomed,” Spike deadpanned.

“It doesn’t matter.  The book was no help whatsoever.  Say, do you think Twilight would be willing to use her memory spell on the others?  You know, the one she used on us when we faced Discord?”

“I doubt that will work,” droned Spike.  “Their histories have been altered in their minds.  You’d have to convince her that you’re right… a bit of a catch-22 if you ask me.”

“What about Zecora’s cure for the Cutie Pox?” Rarity suggested.

“The Cutie Pox gave Applebloom too many cutie marks.  The others only have one.  It’s just not the right one,” Spike continued.  “Although maybe our friends will grow to like their new lives.”

Rarity glanced out the window at the town covered in remnants of chocolate rain and whipped cream.

“No, Spike, I’m afraid that this just cannot continue, if only for Pinkie Pie’s sake. Who knows what sort of weather she will concoct next.  I’d hate to wake up with tomorrow’s weather report being ‘partly cloudy with a chance of wheatballs.’”

“Um, actually…” Spike stammered sheepishly as he twiddled his claws.

“That really is tomorrow’s weather report, isn’t it?” Rarity deadpanned.  “We must put a stop to this. Now.”

“But how?  There’s no counter spell, and all of the other magic we’ve thought of won’t help our friends either,” Spike whined.

“Magic… friends…” Rarity paused.  “Spike… you might be onto something.”

“I might?  What did I say?”

“Friendship… is magic…”

“That’s not what I said—“ the dragon said, confused.

“Eye-deee-yahhhh!!”

“Could you clue me in? Spike pleaded as Rarity scooped him up onto her back and began galloping toward Sweet Apple Acres.

“I may not be able to remind them of who they are, but I can show them what they mean to each other!” Rarity explained.

“Still not following,” Spike said.

“Friendship is magic!” Rarity shouted gleefully.  “They will find the part of themselves that has been lost so that they can help the friends that they care so much about!”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Spike concurred as they arrived at the orchard.  Fluttershy and Angel were hard at work bucking apples.  Of course Angel was really doing most of the work.

“Fluttershy, would you mind accompanying Spike and I to see Twilight Sparkle?  She could really use your assistance,” Rarity asked with a hopeful gleam in her eyes.

“Oh, Rarity, I’m not sure that I can today,” Fluttershy spoke softly.  “I’m so far behind here with Big MacIntosh being under the weather… I really think that it's better for me to stay here.”

“Please, please, please?” Rarity begged.

“Well, um… I guess if it’s that important,” Fluttershy conceded.  “I wouldn’t want to hurt Twilight’s feelings after all.”

Within minutes, the three were at the cottage at the edge of the Everfree Forest.  There was a bit of a commotion coming from inside, and they could hear Twilight’s voice only adding to it.

“Now all of you please calm down.  It says right here in this book exactly what each of you are supposed to eat every day, so there is no reason for you to be complaining that you’re hungry…”

“She’s feeding them based on what she read in a book?” Spike asked, facepalming.  “Even with her cutie mark messing with her head, she’s still Twilight.”

Ignoring the dragon for the moment, Rarity turned to Fluttershy.  “Twilight needs your expertise, Fluttershy.”

“M-m-me?” Fluttershy squeaked.  “I don’t know anything about animals.”  She felt something kick her foreleg.  Angel was glaring at her with a look that screamed “Hay!  Forget about me?  Am I not an animal?”

“Well, I suppose it doesn’t hurt to try…” Fluttershy said with trepidation.  Knocking on the door, she was surprised to find it swing open at her touch, revealing Twilight Sparkle muzzle to muzzle with a bear.

“Rarity, I think I’ve changed my mind.” Fluttershy announced timidly.

“No, Fluttershy, you can do this,” Rarity assured her in hushed tones.  “This situation is going to explode like a wildfire and only you can prevent it.  Only you.”

Rarity watched the yellow Pegasus steel her resolve against the situation and raise her voice in the way that only Fluttershy could.

“Twilight Sparkle!  Harry!  You two settle down right now!”

The two disputing parties turned and blinked in confusion at Fluttershy, who continued.

“I’m not sure what book you got your information out of, Twilight, but you cannot expect a wild animal to be fed on a strict schedule like that.  And Harry, it’s understandable that you’re really hungry, but Twilight really did have your best interests at heart.  If it’s ok with you, how about we just get you a nice snack, hmmm?”

A flash from Fluttershy’s flank drew Spike’s attention.

“Rarity!  It’s working!” Spike pointed at Fluttershy's cutie mark.

“Oh, marvelous work, Fluttershy, darling!” Rarity congratulated her friend.

“Rarity, you were right, I feel like this is who I’m supposed to be… who I really am!” Fluttershy gushed as she fed her friend the bear.

“I’m just glad you’re back to normal, darling,” Rarity replied.  She turned to Twilight, who was still looking very confused. “Now it’s your turn, Twilight Sparkle.”

“My turn for what now?” the lavender unicorn wondered.

“There’s no time to explain,” Rarity said “but Applejack’s been cooped up in the library right now.  What does that tell you?”

“That does seem… odd for some reason,” Twilight agreed.

“Hay, how about a song?” Fluttershy asked.

“Would it help?” Spike asked dubiously.

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt…” Rarity mused.

Applejack needs your help

She’s trying hard doing what she can

Would you try, just give it a chance?

You might find that you’ll start to understand.

They raced to the library, and banged their hooves on the door loudly.

“Consarn it, Rarity, if that’s you again I swear I’m gonna—“

“It’s an intervention, darling.  Twilight, do what you do best,” Rarity interrupted, shoving Twilight through the door the second that Applejack opened it.

“I know we just sang that I’m supposed to understand this, but I really don’t—wait.  Yes! Yes, I do understand!  I remember!” Twilight looked around the library in amazement, as if she were seeing it all for the first time.  “The square root of five hundred forty-six is twenty-three point three six six six four two eight nine one zero nine.”

Three ponies and a dragon stared at her blankly.

A sudden flash of light from her cutie mark temporarily blinded them.  When they recovered, Twilight stared at a familiar star pattern on her flank.

“I feel like I just woke up from a nightmare,” Twilight murmured.  She looked at Applejack, who for some reason was wearing her Starswirl the Bearded costume, except with a navy blue, bell studded stetson.

“Or maybe it’s still happening,” she commented lamely.

“Back to Sweet Apple Acres!” Rarity announced, carrying Spike out the library door and beckoning for her friends to follow.

A true, true friend helps a friend in need

A friend will be there to help them see

A true, true friend helps a friend in need

To see the light that shines from a true, true friend

Twilight and Fluttershy led Applejack up to a tree.  Cautiously, Applejack gave the tree a tap with her hind leg.  A single apple fell into the bushel sitting next to it.  Realization dawned in the orange mare’s eyes.

“That ain’t how we buck apples ‘round here,” she muttered to nopony in particular as she reared back for a second time.  This time, she gave a hefty buck that shook every apple from the tree, overflowing the bushel.  Her flank sparkled, and her cutie mark reverted to the three apples that her friends were much more familiar with.

“Yee-haw!” Applejack yodeled.  “Now that’s more like it.  Who’s next?”

“Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash,” Rarity informed her.  Those two might be tough to track down.”

“Pshaw,” Spike scoffed.  “To find Pinkie Pie, we just need to follow the chocolate rainclouds.”

Pinkie Pie is in trouble

We need to get there by her side

We can try to do what we can now

For together we can be her guide

~ M M C ~

“No,” said Pinkie Pie.

“Um… what?” Rarity said, not expecting such an outright refusal of her help.

“No, I don’t need your help,” Pinkie said.  “I’m not some crazy party pony.  I have a responsibility and duty to the weather patrol.  Neither chocolate rain, nor rock candy sleet, nor dark of a licorice colored night will keep this pony from her appointed rounds.”

“Pinkie Pie, that’s the code of the postal service,” Twilight corrected her.  "Well, sort of, anyway."

“It still applies!” Pinkie insisted, her voice rising to a screeching pitch.  “You’re telling me that I have to ‘go back’ and be this mare that makes everypony laugh.  I’m funny, like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh?  How the hay am I funny!? Tell me what’s funny!”

“Er… that is… we thought…” Fluttershy stuttered.

“What happened to nice, happy Pinkie Pie?” Rarity asked, attempting to calm the panicking pink pony.  “We want that Pinkie Pie back.”

“You just want me to be passionate about birthday cake, party hats and cupcakes,” Pinkie pouted.

“Now sugar cube,” Applejack interjected.

“That’s it.” Pinkie shouted at her friends before any of them could continue, and with a rainbow colored burst, streaked away.

“That… was not supposed to happen,” Rarity mumbled as she stared after Pinkie Pie’s fading contrail.