On March 7, 1234, 8:00 P.M. a perpetrator was witnessed robbing an apple from the popular Manehattan hotel The Red Stallion. The room that was robbed was currently being rented by a Sunnny Days, who declined to be interviewed on the grounds of being absent when the crime took place. Her request was granted. In accordance with Section 7 of the Manehattan Code of Police Conduct, written by Our Royal Highness Princess Celestia, the eight witnesses were interrogated. Their names, in alphabetical order, are: Applejack, Daisy Buttersummers, Fluttershy, Lickety Split, Pinkamena Diane Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Twilight Sparkle. Their account of events are below, two of which are confessions that highly contradict each other. As of the publication of this document, the crime remains unsolved. In the opinion of this writer, the crime will remain as such. Contact the Manehattan Police Station at (123) 555-PONY, or visit the Manhattan Police Headquarters at 24601 Fillydelphia Lane with any evidence you may have. All ponies presenting substantial evidence will receive remuneration.
Applejack [No last name given.]
Interviewed on: March 7, 1234, 10:00 P.M.
Actually, I wasn’t even that close to the scene of the crime. You see, we—me and my friends—were visiting my Auntie and Uncle Orange. I love them both dearly, but they have a hoity-toity manner with everything they do, especially food. Anyhow, we had about two apple leaves each for dinner, so, when we got to the hotel at about 7:25 P.M., my stomach was rumbling up something of a storm. I bought me a few apples downstairs and took them with me to my room. On my way up the steps, I bumped into Pinkie Pie, who was jabbing at the wall with a stale baguette. She tried to explain to me why, but I didn’t pay her much mind. (She’s a few cups of flour shy of a loaf of bread, if you know what I mean.) At the top of the stairs, I bumped into Rainbow Dash. She seemed mighty irritable to run into me. She sped out the door behind me, and Fluttershy came out of Rainbow’s room and followed her. I tried to talk to her, but all she did was mutter under her breath. She’s pretty hard to hear sometimes. I went to my room, ate my apples, and then you all showed up. I hope this helps you.
Daisy Buttersummers
Interviewed on: March 7, 1234, 10:15 P.M.
I work at the reception desk for The Red Stallion. We usually have a lot of customers here, especially today, but I do remember four rather well. Three of them wanted to buy apples from us. I don’t know any of their names. The first one to buy came at around 5:00. She had a sun for her cutie mark. Like I said, I really don’t know her name, but I think she said it was something like “Sunlight Day” or something to that effect. “Sunshine Days” maybe? One of the other apple buyers had three apples for their cutie mark, so guess that’s appropriate. She paid the proper amount of money and everything. The other one was a pegasus. She was blue, I think? I do remember her mane well however. It was a rainbow. Literally. I’ve never seen a pony with hair like that, so I think she dyed it. The point is that she didn’t have any bits, so I had to kindly send her away. The fourth customer that I mentioned was really annoying. She was not sent the right type of bubble bath or some superfluous thing like that. At 7:53 P.M., I saw two pegasi—a blue one and a yellow one—run out the door; they were being chased by some crazy Earth pony. I’m not sure, but I may have seen the blue pegasus before. (She was moving fast, so it was hard to tell.) The Earth pony was pink and holding a half of a baguette. Cleaning up the crumbs she left was a pain. I think it may have been stale bread, as there were just so many crumbs. I swear, some ponies can’t hold their cider. I checked in a few more customers, and then you all came and interrogated me.
Fluttershy [No last name given.]
Interviewed on: March 7, 1234, 12:00 A.M.
Um, yes. I did steal the apple. I am very sorry, but my poor Angel [After the confession, Angel was found to be her pet bunny.] would have starved to death if I hadn’t taken it! You see, I am currently on vacation with my friend Twilight, who got us a simply wonderful train for us to ride into Manehattan. Unfortunately, all the dishes served on board involved truffles in some way. Angel is allergic to truffles! Besides, with all the animals I have to feed at home, I didn’t have enough bits to buy food anyway. As soon as we got to the city, we visited my friend Applejack’s aunt and uncle. I gave Angel my dinner, but it wasn’t enough for a growing bunny like him. Later on, around 7:22, we went to our hotel. It was very nice inside. I went to take an apple from the reception desk, but it turns out that you have to pay for them here. Things sure are different in a big city like this one. As I headed to my room, I noticed a door down the hallway was open. I was curious, so I decided to take a quick peek inside. Inside the room, an apple was lying on the nightstand next to the bed. I gave the apple to Angel, who ate it in an instant. I turned around to see Rainbow Dash standing in the doorway. She looked very hungry. And angry. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran. She chased me down the steps, nearly knocking Applejack over. Pinkie Pie started chasing us too, yelling something about somepony named Darth Equidious. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever been through in my whole life! I don’t remember how I did it, but I managed to hide in a garbage can. I came out fifteen minutes later, and you all found me in the hotel lobby. What? Oh, I’m very sorry. I just can’t stop shaking when I’m nervous.
Lickety Split
Interviewed on: March 10, 1234, 3:00 P.M.
I was walking in front of The Red Stallion—they’re very popular around Manehattan—and was knocked down by a pegasus with a rainbow mane chasing a pink Earth pony. The Earth pony had an apple clutched in her mouth. I think she may have been trying to taunt the pegasus, but the apple muffled her speech. The rainbow one managed to knock the pink one over and wrestle the apple from her mouth. The rainbow mane pegasus flew above the Earth pony’s reach only to be tackled by another pegasus. I don’t recall her mane color—red maybe—but I know that she had yellow fur. The yellow pegasus was then chased by the rainbow pony to the top of the building. They both landed on the roof of The Red Stallion, but the yellow one lost her footing and dropped the apple she had taken from the rainbow pony. It plummeted to the sidewalk and shattered into thousands of pieces, splattering its juice all over me. The pink one had gotten up while I wasn’t looking at her, and she had run to the apple carnage. She ate the remainder of the apple of the sidewalk. I did not know what to do, so I left the scene as hastily as I could.
Pinkamena Diane Pie
Interviewed on: March 7, 1234, 10:10 P.M.
Based on her exuberant manner during the interrogation and the lack of correlation in her account with the other witness’ provided version of events, most of the claims made by this witness have been disregarded.
So Twilight, my best friend in the whole world—well actually, she’s one of my six best friends. Can you have more than one best friend? If you can, I really have six-hundred friends. I think everypony in Ponyville is my best friend. You see, in Ponyville I know everypony, and I mean everypony…[The witness went on several minutes about Ponyville. All of this information was determined to be non-crucial to the investigation and was not presented here.] Anyhoo! Twilight took us along on her vacation here to Manehattan, and we spent the earlier part of today visiting one of my best friend’s aunt and uncle, Mister and Missus Orange. That friend’s name is Applejack. Don’t you think it’s weird that the Apples are related to the Oranges? The fruits don’t even taste the same! Plus, the Oranges don’t even grow oranges! What do you think? [We elected not to respond.] They were really nice and everything, but they didn’t really serve much for dinner. I could barely see my portion. We ended up staying late at their house, and we got to our hotel at 7:30 P.M. I went to my bed about twelve minutes later. It was real quiet. Too quiet. Suddenly, a demonic roar echoed through my room! I felt like the entire hotel was shattering into a thousand pieces and like I was going to die! I looked up to see one red, beady eye staring at me. It was Godzilla; he had torn off the roof. He turned around and whipped his spiky tail at me, which tore my room to pieces. Luckily, I, Pinkie Pie, am a world class jump rope extraordinaire. I easily dodged his tail. But it was not over! For you see, Godzilla breaking down the wall released Darth Equidious from his one-thousand year prison. He called up the strongest of his demon bunny armies from the depths of the sewers. They flooded the street, tearing at every piece of pony flesh they could find. I knew that if I didn’t act fast, all of Equestria would be doomed. So, I heroically pulled a stale baguette out of my saddlebags that Mister and Missus Cake let me keep and did battle with the legendary Sith Lord. He easily blasted my baguette to bits with his hoof lightning. I dodged several jabs from his lightsaber [Upon subsequent asking, the witness did not recall mentioning a lightsaber and denied any knowledge of the existence of such an object. The writer of this paper has never heard of one.], but it was late, I was tired, and my dexterity could only last me so long. I was aware that I would die if I didn’t strike soon. Using my legendary jump rope skills, I jumped over Darth Equidious and bucked Godzilla in the side as hard as I could. Screaming in anger, he looked for the source of his pain. He spotted Darth Equidious and crushed him underneath his foot. Then, he flew away with the demon bunnies to fight more intergalactic crime. They say that some days, when the sky is clear, Godzilla and his army of flesh bunnies ride on a rainbow and give candy to all the good little foals all over Equestria! The End. Huh? What do you mean by “damage to the building?” Godzilla is very polite; he would never destroy a building unless it had it coming to it.
Rainbow Dash
Interviewed on: March 7, 1234, 11:30 P.M.
All right, all right, I admit it. I stole the apple. I don’t feel bad either. I was starving. I don’t think you understand how little I was given to eat in the past few days. Before we even got here, I had to ride on Her Majesty Princess Celestia’s train. The only food they serve there is truffles, which are, from what I can tell, mushrooms that cost 5,000,000 bits a piece. Not only could I not afford to eat (Our Highness wasn’t happy about paying for six tickets, so she did not pay for food), but the truffles didn’t even taste good! Who eats giant mushrooms anyway? It’s just plain weird. When we finally got to Manehattan, I was excited to finally eat, but, instead, we had to visit Applejack’s relatives, who gave me three apple leaves and tried to call it a “salad.” I don’t think so. We finally got to the hotel at Celestia knows when. It was probably midnight. I went up to the reception desk, and the mare refused to give me an apple from out of the bowl sitting on the counter! Aren’t those things supposed to be free? Frustrated and starving, I went to my room. I noticed that the door next to mine was open, so I decided to look inside. On the table sat an apple. I quickly snatched it up, ate it, and turned around to see Fluttershy staring at me. I think I may have accidentally entered her hotel room. She’s usually such a scaredy-pony, but she seemed livid. I flew out as fast as I could, but I crashed into Pinkie Pie on the way down the stairs. She seemed to have somehow mistaken me for Godzilla’s tail and began to chase me. Huh? Oh, she’s always like that. We’ve all just kind of learned how to deal with her. They chased me outside the hotel. I was able to hide behind a building on the other side of the street until Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie decided to stop looking.
Rarity[No last name given.]
Interviewed on: March 7, 1234, 11:00 P.M.
Well I have absolutely no idea who would commit such a lowly crime! Honestly, stealing an apple? What is this world coming to? The other witnesses and I are currently staying here on vacation with our good friend Twilight, who received vacation from her job of studying the magic of friendship. She’s employed by Our Royal Highness, I’ll have you know. Today was our first day here, so we decided to visit Applejack’s relatives. They are…better versed in social etiquette than the Apples, so we had a proper dinner, though I must confess that I have grown accustomed to more…rustic portions of food. When we arrived at the hotel around 7:00, I was famished. I was considering buying an apple from the downstairs desk, but I decided that it wouldn’t be best for my figure to be eating at such an hour. As I went to the stairs, I observed the victim, Sunshine Days, buy the very apple that would be stolen from her. Of course at the time I didn’t know, but if I did, I would have warned her to keep closer watch over her apples. At 7:50, I had drawn myself a nice bubble bath. It helped me relieve my tension, even though Pinkie Pie was blathering on about heaven knows what. She’s always yelling about something. Twilight was being loud as well. She was practicing some kind of spell, and I could hear that she was having trouble. To be completely honest, I wasn’t pleased with the room service either, who delivered me the wrong bubbles. I didn’t make a scene of it though. A proper mare has the class to handle every situation politely. I fell asleep in the bath until you came knocking at my door. Then, I gave this interview.
Twilight Sparkle
Interviewed on: March 7, 1234, 11:15 P.M.
The Princess noticed how assiduous I’ve been in the studies of friendship, so she decided that she would let me go on vacation to see Manehattan. Why are you looking at me like that? I’ll have you know that studying friendship is harder than it seems. Every week we have a problem that usually involves the near-destruction of Ponyville. I most certainly am not joking! Since the others you have interviewed are my very best friends, I invited them to come along with me. Princess Celestia didn’t mind paying for five extra tickets, but unfortunately my assistant Spike was unable to come with me. Our Highness simply could not afford one more first class ticket. In the end, Spike decided to stay home and care for Fluttershy’s pet bunny, Angel, while she was gone, instead of riding in second class. We spent most of today at the Oranges, the Aunt and Uncle of Applejack, one of my aforementioned friends. They were kind enough to serve us dinner, but their portion size was very small. I had read in the book The Proud Culture of Manehattan that dishes this small were considered polite to serve to guests, but I was still hungry nonetheless when we arrived at our hotel. I think it was around 7:15. I had recently acquired a new spell book for my library that I was eager to try out. I bought an apple at the front desk and took it to my room with the full intent of using a multiplication spell on it. [Although the use of the multiplication spell is illegal, the witness was not charged, for she provided much evidence.] It did not go well. I produced oranges, grapes, and even zombie apples, but I was unable to obtain a perfect duplicate of the apple I had bought. I was a little frustrated, so I expressed my anger in a small scream. Rarity, who I think I might have accidentally woken, came into my room and told me to be quiet in a voice that was much louder the one I had expressed my anger in a few minutes prior. Unable to sleep, I went out into the hallway to see Rainbow Dash bump into Applejack. Rainbow looked flustered and rushed down the stairs. Fluttershy came out of the room a few seconds afterwards and timidly followed Rainbow Dash. I don’t know if you think it’s important, but Pinkie Pie was making an awful amount of noise the whole time. Is she all right? Good. What was I saying? Oh yeah, fifteen minutes later, you arrived.
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Original Transcript is property of the Manehattan Police Department. This is a photocopy intended for public distribution. You are encouraged to photocopy this document.
