Toxic Girl

Beware of heartache
beware of the night-mare
A beautiful stranger
but with a decadent flair.

Sussie had vanished for good when I realized that she was only a reflection of the obssession I had over the real mare, the one I longed for the most but to get her back was gonna take some time.

I healed eventually and casually dated mares or colts as a last resource. Unfortunately the word quickly spread like some sort of infection.

Everything ceased to thrill me; nothing felt the same; I guess I really was depressed. It was a neverending storm.

When I had the chance to be completely alone I wept and drank heavily. It felt even worse; what was it, apathy?

I couldn't hate her let alone despise her. I did that in the past so I was supposed to had changed my ways. Yet it seems that every time some pony detected my frailty I was encouraged to fight back and strike like a hawk.

I even asked several times to Rosie May if Evie had written back.

"I'm never gonna see her again," I said one morning.

"Oh come now, it's not the first time this has happened, I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, love," she said. "Here, you do need to eat something otherwise you'll keep getting sick."

"What's the difference? I'm aleady sick, anyway..."

And I took some sips of that oatmeal and I felt somewhat relieved.

"Thank you; it really is good."

"It's nothing; you're like the son I never had."

"Sorry if I ask, how come you never had a family?"

"I was going to but my partner got lost in the great flood in Fillydelphia."

"Oh yeah," I suppose if you ever did have a filly or a colt he's be about my age right now."

"Exactly."

"What am I going to do? I was so sure that she was the one for me. the way she approached was so unique."

"Maybe it's because she made you feel something when you actually stopped feeling anything for a long while. Imagine as if you didn't use you heart for a while and it had gone numb and now it does hurt. Are you sure you had never fallen in love?"

"No, it's not the first time," I said. "But it certainly feels as if it was the first, as she was my first and all the other ones didn't count."

"Go back to your friends; they'll help you forget this painful moment."

"Rosie; tell me the truth, do you think I was just obsessed with her?"

"Real love always comes when you least expect it."

"That's what I was afraid of. Thanks anyway."

Maybe Rosie was trying to put me in the right direction; somehow I needed to get rid of all my demons but even if that imaginary lover was out of my life why did it still continue to hurt?

In the meantime the band received an offer to play in Las Pegasus, a rather popular venue these days especially for lower profile festivals. And it so happened that we joined forces with a quasi punk band from Trottingham called Saddle Stitch, the lead singer who went by the code name Blak Beauty was practically eye candy. I wasn't fully convinced; he had no style whatsoever but their somewhat depressing music became addictive with his vocals. A sort of androgynous like me which made me wonder whether we all came from the same branch.

He even had green eyes like me but were more of an emerald tone and the sound of his voice was thinner and smoother as that of a school filly. Most of the time he was seen with a trademark sleeveless shirt, small scarf and a black beanie.

I never doubted their talents but certainly it was rather awkward to compare my band with the goth scene. I was already spawn from the darkness and they chose the darkness.

Since it was Twigster's hometown he took me that weekend for a little sightseeing. I told him specifically not to bring the girlfriend problem up.

Down there the weather was dramatically different from Canterlot; lots of palm trees, the heavy sunlight that ruined by snowy white complexion.

"Sometimes it's better to walk after 6 o' clock, it can get a little bit rough if you know what I'm saying," said the brown coated pony.

"So we were asked to use a new opening song; you know for publicity purposes," he said.

It didn't take for me to come up with the perfect one, still, Twigster thought it was a little harsh to use it.

"Are you sure you wanna go with that one? It's a bit darker than usual."

"I'm definitely sure; it's the current mood that I'm in. So what else do you know about this Saddle Stitch?"

"Well, they have a huge fan base, comparable to ours even, their drummer is wicked who earlier played with Bolter."

"I have very little clue about Trottingham, only Alice Cooperpony."

"About that!" Twigster cried, "it may be possible but not one hundred percent confirmed that we might do a few gigs with him in the fall."

"I am already aware of that and I'm pretty sure there's a good friend who will be dying to go," I said. "Please remind me to snatch some passes later, I've become a little absent minded."

"Nah, you're always like that, it's called daydreaming."

"No, I'm not even in the mood for that," I said a bit crestfallen, "because that would only take place if I was truly happy."

"Whatever, how's your singing voice?"

"Well, if it doesn't sound like it used to don't be frightened but it will match whatever's on my mind."