Capelli followed Applebloom through the endless rows of apple trees. After a while Capelli began to think they were walking in circles because they had not yet reached the farm house. Capelli felt a sigh of relief and nervousness as the two entered. Capelli looked around and saw what looked like a typical farm. Growing up in New York city, Capelli was not accustomed to being in the country. His thoughts mixed as he saw a penthouse for chickes, a pen for pigs, a field for cows?

"I thought horses were herbivores?" Capelli thought as he pondered what possible use cows and pigs would have other than being made into steak and bacon. Capelli saw a large red horse with yolk around it's neck sitting on the porch of the house with a piece of hay in its mouth. Capelli assumed this one to be male due to its muscular body and more squarish face.

"Who is that?" Capelli asked the filly.

"Thats Big Macintosh, he's mah brother." Applebloom said as she hopped up onto the porch. "Howdy Big Mac!"

"Hey there Bloom." Big Mac said hugging his little sister. The red stallion looked up to see Capelli standing a few feet in front of him.

"Whose that fellar?" Big Mac asked.

"That's Joe. He's here to see Applejack." Applebloom said. Upon hearing this, Big Mac's eyes angled and he glared at Capelli with anger.

"Applebloom, get inside now." Big Mac said in a serious tone.

"But why?" Applebloom asked.

"NOW!" Big Mac said raising his voice. Applebloom took this as her cue to go. Big Mac usually never raised his voice so when he did it meant he was mad. Big Mac slowly stomped over to Capelli.

"What's your problem?" Capelli asked.

"Ah know what you did to mah sister." Big Mac said darkly. "Ah heard how you beat her to unconsciousness!"

"She had it coming." Capelli responded.

"YOU LISTEN HERE!" Big Mac said as he stomped on the ground and then in a silent voice said. "Nopony bucks with mah lil sister! You here me?"

"I hear ya," Capelli said more annoyed than intimidated."Now where is she?"

"You aint goin anywhere NEAR mah sister ya hear?" Big Mac said.

"And what are you gonna do about it hick?" Capelli countered.

"A'hm gonna kick yer flank!" Big Mac said as he got into a fighting stance.

"Go for it." Capelli said as he two got into his stance. Macintosh roared as he leapt at Capelli. The sentinal jumped backwards as the red stallion charged into him and used his arms to put Big Mac into a front headlock. Capelli than began to swing around and let go of Big Mac sending the red stallion into the air. Big Mac hit the ground with a hard thud but quickly recovered and ran at Capelli again. Capelli saw Macintosh running at him and figured the pony would try and headbutt him. Capelli prepared to wrap his arms around the ponies neck again but right when Big Mac got close the stallion swung around and brought his back hooves directly into Capelli' chest. The strike was so sudden even the chimera within him could not dodge in time. The blow knocked Capelli to the ground.

"Shit, this ones way stronger than any of those guards." Capelli thought as he saw Big Mac running at him. Big Mac stood up on his back hooves and raised his front hooves above Capelli's head with the intent of smashing the sentinal to the ground. Capelli saw this and somersaulted out of the way. When Big Mac brought his hooves down, Capelli got up and swung his body bringing his right leg up and kicked Big Mac right in the face. The stallion lost a few teeth and the sentinals foot collided with his head.

"This pony is strong, ah don't think ah can beat him." Big Mac thought as he rubbed his bloody muzzle. Capelli roared as he ran up to hit Big Mac. The stallion once again stood up on his back legs and brought his front hooves up. Capelli's arms connected with Big Mac's front hooves. The two were in a stalemate for about five seconds until Capelli's greater strength overpowered the pony. Capelli shoved Big Mac to the ground and then curb stomped the pony's head. Big Mac saw his vision go dark after three hits.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOIN!?!" A voice called out. Capelli looked to see the orange mare he believed to be Applejack running out. She was sad and very angry. Applejack trotted over to her beaten brother and held him in her hooves. He had a bloody muzzle, a black eye, missing teeth, and some other nasty cuts and bruises.

"He-" Capelli began to say.

"GET OUT!" Applejack screamed at the top of her lungs as tears rolled down her face. "GET OUT NOW!"

"But-" Capelli said trying to defend himself.

"AH SAID LEAVE!" Applejack said as she started throwing apples at him. Capelli just growled and ran away from the farm.

"Well I fucked that one up." Capelli said as he entered town. Great, not even an hour in and he already blew it!

"Joseph, are you there?" Celestia asked in his mind causing him to jump.

"Will you give me a heads up when you do that? You almost gave me a heart attack!" Capelli said clutching his heart.

"My apologies. How did it go with Applejack?" Celestia asked.

"Well, uhhh. You see it was kind of a funny misun-" Capelli began to say. Celestia just sighed.

"She kicked you out didn't she?" Celestia said.

"Yup." Capelli answered.

"I figured just as much. Applejack is one of Twilight's more stubborn friends." Celestia said. "Next you must go find Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube Corner, than Rarity at Carosaul Boutique, next you will find Fluttershy at her cottage on the edge of town, then you will find Rainbow Dash at her could home above town hall, and finally you will find Twilight at her library. Any questions?"

"No." Capelli replied.

"Very well then, I expect to hear good things. Farewell Joseph." Celestia said as she ended the conversation. Capelli just groaned. He knew Applejack would murder him next time she saw him. Rarity and Rainbow Dash already didn't like him at all. Twilight wasn't too fond of him either. Fluttershy suffered from some serious bipolar disorder and Pinkie Pie? Oh Lord.

"Might as well get this shit over with." Capelli said as headed towards Sugercube corner. He remembered where it was from the party yesterday. As he walked he noticed the severe lack of males in this town. Come to think of it, Big Mac was the only guy he had seen at all since he got to Ponyville.

"Bet the guy sees a lot of action." Capelli thought to himself. He also noticed mares giving him some rather, seductive looks. Capelli gulped and sped up. Fight off endless waves of parasitic monsters from space? Alright. Get one of those parasitic monster from space infused into my body? Could deal with it. Have sex with mulitcolored ponies? Not a chance in hell. Capelli finally found the familiar gingerbread house and walked up to the door. He opened it and saw a slightly chubby blue mare with a pink mane running around carrying platters of treats with a skinnier yellow stallion with an orange mane who was attempting to calm two crying infants/

"Hello dearie, how may I help you?" The blue mare asked as she came up to him.

"I'm looking for Pinkie Pie." Capelli said not used to how dumb these names were.

"Oh yes she is upst-" The mare began to say before Capelli found himself embraced in pink.

"JOOOEEY! ITS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN! I HADNT SEEN YOU SINCE LAST NIGHT WHEN YOU WERE ALL SAD!" Pinkie exclaimed as she hugged him tighter and tighter. Her grip was so tight that Capelli felt his diaphragm beginning to get crushed so his survival instincts took over and he shoved the pony off of him a little harder than he meant to. Pinkie hit the ground with a hard thud.

"OW!" She said. Everypony in the store gave Capelli a bad look.

"I uh-" He said.

"Its okay!" Pinkie said shooting right back up like she hadn't even been hurt. Capelli felt a sigh of relief wash over him knowing he hadn't hurt her. Not because he cared for her safety but because he didn't want a repeat of Sweet Apple Acres.

"Now what do I do?" Capelli thought to himself. As if Pinkie read him mind, she grabbed him and dragged him into the kitchen at speeds unknown to man. In a matter of of seconds he found himself in a chef's hat and an apron.

"And thats how Equestria was made!" Pinkie said. Capelli just rolled his eyes. This was a strange one indeed. "WHEEEEEE! This will be so fun! I've never baked cupcakes with a human before! HUHHHH! I'LL BE THE FIRST PONY EVER!!!!!"

"Listen Pink." Capelli said getting up and taking the apron off. "Baking isn't my thing."

"But!" Pinkie said as Capelli began to walk away. He felt something tug at his leg. He looked to see Pinkie holding on to his leg.

"Please!? It will be fun!" Pinkie said as she put on her puppy dog face. Capelli sighed as he gave in.

"Fine." The sentinal said.

"YAY!!!!!!! But first you have to do one thing!" Pinkie said.

"What?" Capelli asked.

"You have to Pinkie Promise you won't leave me again." Pinkie said.

"Pinkie Promise? How? These ponies don't even have fingers!" Capelli thought. "Yeah sure whatever I pinkie promise."

"YIPPEE!" Lets get cooking." Pinkie said as she pulled out a pan and began to sing.

All you have to do is take a cup of flour,
Add it to the mix!
Now just take a little something sweet, not sour,
A bit of salt--just a pinch!

Baking these treats is such a cinch,
Add a teaspoon of vanilla.
Add a little more, and you count to four
And you never get your fill-a~

Cupcakes, so sweet and tasty~
Cupcakes--don't be too hasty,
Cupcakes~ cupcakes, cupcakes,
cupcakes!

Capelli was about ready to shoot himself. How could anything ever last longer than a minute with this pony? Even the Chimera didn't deserve such a fate. Suddenly he heard the sound of two infants crying.

"Uh oh!" Pinkie said as she walked over to crib and pulled out two crying foals. "Don't cry!" Capelli froze, the sound of crying children embedded into his mind from countless times when a child was taken by a Chimera to be eaten or worse. The sound began to trigger memories he had fought so hard to keep buried away. While Pinkie was tending to the crying foals, Capelli snuck out the window as quiet as he could. He then slowly began to trot away when he heard in a voice that would scare a Chimeran Titan.

"Joey? Where are you? Joey?" Pinkie said looking out the window and seeing Capelli trying to get away. Upon seeing Capelli try to sneak away Pinkie's face contorted from a happy smile to an angry and evil glare. Her eyes shrunk down as her mane went from poofy chaos to a straighter look.

"Oh shit." Capelli said.

"YOU PINKIE PROMISED!!!!!!! She screamed in a deep voice.

"OH SHIT!" Capelli yelled as Pinkie bursted through the window and began running after him. Capelli's heart began beating like none other as he ran for dear life. "SOMEONE HELP ME!" He yelled as Pinkie grabbed his leg. Capelli fell to the ground as Pinkie dragged him closer and closer. Capelli used his arms to grab onto the side of a house but his hands broke through the wood and he was drawn closer to Pinkie.

"Hey look a balloon!" Capelli yelped as Pinkie glared at him.

"WHERE?" She said as she scanned the skies. Capelli took this moment to get the fuck outta there. He ran faster than he ever had his entire life.

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEE!" She screamed in the distance as Capelli ran. He saw a door and without thinking ran into it. He slammed the door behind him and locked it. He then slumped to the ground clutching his still beating heart. He had had single handedly taken down Chimeran Titans and Goliaths but that thing Pinkie just did was pure terror unlike anything Capelli had ever felt. Capelli rubbed his eyes and noticed it was quite misty in the room. He batted the mist away with his hooves so he could figure out where he was. When the mist finally cleared he saw several mares submerged in a hot tub. Capelli's eyes widened.

"Hello ladies I uh-" Capelli said backing up.

"PERVERT!" They all screamed as they pelted him with whatever they could find. Soap bars, shampoo bottles, even a couple horseshoes hit Capelli. He quickly opened the door and slammed it shut. He looked up and saw the sign above the door.

Spa Hot Tubs Emergency Exit

"I swear I must have been Emperor Nero in the past life." Capelli said as he fell to the ground cursing his bad luck. "Alright. Applejack hates me, Pinkie will probably bake me into a cupcake if she ever sees me again." Capelli said as he ran over his day. "Who is next?" Capelli said as he thought over the name Celestia gave him. "Oh shit."

The next one was Rarity.

Author's Note

Poor Capelli. Haha. Leave reviews my children and please let me know which of the mane six you like me to pair Capelli with